Heat. My entire body feels hot.
Oh God, no. nonono. What am I doing?
I push Olivia away, a little rougher than I would've had to.
"I need to leave," I say, with my teeth gritted.
"No, please, stay," Olivia says, grabbing my arm as I get up, "I'm sure he's cheated on you before, too."
"He?"
She looks me deep in the eyes, the look on her face is very serious.
"Your abusive boyfriend."
"My – what?"
I can't help but laugh.
"I appreciate your concern, but I haven't had a relationship in over five years. Oh yeah and – I'm very, very gay."
"But – your nose is bruised... and the broken hand, the cuts..."
"I'm just... really clumsy," I say, forcing myself to a grin, "I'm about as single as one can be."
"Oh..."
She lets go of my arm and I get up from the sofa.
"I just – this isn't a good idea. I wish I could explain, but-"
"Okay, let's take it slow, we just met."
"That's just it! We just met! I could be a serial killer, for all you know."
Whoa, slow down there, Jinx. She's gonna catch on eventually if you keep talking.
Olivia looks thoroughly confused but I know if I stay here any longer, I'm gonna lose my mind.
Not that I haven't already...
Without another word, I turn around and leave, ignoring the stabbing pain in my lower abdomen.
But as I exit Olivia's apartment, what I initially thought was psychosomatic pain, gets worse with every step. Once I'm outside the apartment complex, I have to lean against a wall, the pain makes it impossible to keep walking.
What is this? Period cramps? I can't remember the last time I had my period. Must've been years ago.
But I don't remember period cramps feeling this bad. It feels like I'm being stabbed with a hot knife. It hurts to bad, it makes me feel nauseous.
Desperately trying not to vomit, I curl up on the sidewalk.
"Miss?", I hear a male voice, "Miss, are you okay?"
I open one of my eyes. There's a young man kneeling next to me.
"I don't know... pain... lower abdomen...," is all I can manage to say.
"Can you sit up?"
He reaches out to help me get up, but immediately takes his hands off me when I start screaming in pain.
"I'm going to call an ambulance, okay?"
He then proceeds to take his phone and dial.
"Hello? Yes, there's a young woman curled up on the sidewalk, complaining of severe abdominal pain. It seems she can't move..."
All the sounds I hear are muffled, my vision is blurry. My entire world consists of pain. My teeth are gritted, my eyes closed shut, my broken hand is motionlessly resting on the sidewalk, the other is clenching my stomach. I'm shaking with pain.
I think I'm going to be sick...
Sirens... I can hear sirens in the distance. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder.
"Miss, can you tell us your name?", I hear who I assume to be the emergency doctor ask.
"Rosecorn... Hannah."
"Alright Miss Rosecorn, we're going to put you on a stretcher now, okay?"
I can feel them lifting me up, turning me on my back and making lie flat.
Tears are streaming down my face.
"Is there any chance you could be pregnant?"
"No..."
"Are you sure?"
"I don't fuck dudes," I groan.
I can hear him asking me something else, but I can barely recognize what it is. Slowly, I'm losing consciousness...
*
"Miss Rosecorn?"
Black. Everything is black.
My eyelids feel to heavy to lift. It costs me a lot of strength to open my eyes.
I'm in a hospital bed, hooked to an IV.
There's a doctor standing to my left.
"Wh-what happened?"
"The good news is, you are completely healthy – your broken hand aside."
"Then what was that pain?"
"We think what you suffered is what we call phantom pain. It feels very real, but it's really all in your head. It usually only occurs in amputees but in rare cases, people who have gone through very traumatic experiences that involve pain, like car crashes, can experience it as well. The person will then relive the pain they experienced. Now, a miscarriage is such a traumatic experience..."'
"Miscarriage?"
"We did a gynaecological examination on you and checked your medical history, it seems that you were pregnant some time back but miscarried. Is that not the case?"
"I..."
I don't know. I don't remember – ever being pregnant. I feel numb.
I can feel all the colour leaving my face.
"Is there... someone I can call for you?", the doctor asks, with a very concerned look on his face.
"Yeah... my sister..."
I wish I could have them call Olivia instead if Vi. But I don't have her phone number.
The doctor hands me a pen and a piece of paper on which I scribble Vi's mobile phone number.
She turns up at the hospital not even ten minutes later. She'd never admit it, but she actually looks rather worried.
"What happened? They didn't tell me any specifics..."
"I'm completely healthy. Let's just go."
The nurse hands me back my clothes and everything that was in my pockets and pulls out the IV, then I'm free to go.
"You don't get admitted to the hospital for being healthy. So could you please tell me what happened?", Vi asks once we're in her car
I stare at the band-aid on my hand that marks the spot where I was connected to the IV.
"Vi, did I ever... was I... a miscarriage, did I have one? Like, ever? Do you remember anything?"
"You don't remember this? It's how we managed to finally catch you."
