Blarg – I always found the Purists to be fascinating as all hell, and I was kind of disappointed when they unceremoniously disbanded in the show after Jeremiah's supposed "death". They not only fit the show's themes about racism and power fantasies, but they were threatening! And that was really cool.

Demons – Should be interesting, no?

Guest – Glad to hear that you're liking it thus far.

Thank you all for your feedback!

[*****]

ASHFORD ACADEMY

"Lelouch, could you please read from the selection on Page 32, on the second paragraph?"

Lelouch stood up and ran a hand through his immaculately-combed, long, luscious black hair, pushing a few of the well-trimmed bangs away from his gorgeously deep, sad violet eyes that highlighted his strong, pearly white teeth. As he stood up from his desk and placed his well-manicured hands on the textbook, his Ashford Academy uniform suddenly ripped, revealing his six-pack abs. Cautiously, Lelouch began to read.

"The aristocracy was highly educated; with such an emphasis on edification and training, they produced a superior breed of ruler. And secondly, they possessed heightened efficiency, since only a small number of the very best were carefully chosen from their ranks," he read, emphasizing each word crystal clearly with his deep, crisp, velvety baritone voice. "How was that, Miss Ixa'taka?"

The entire class had blood pouring out of their nose. "That was amazing, Lelouch," Miss Ixa'taka proclaimed, putting a hand over her heart. "Please have my children. Are you available this evening? I'm feeling frisky…"

"I apologize profusely, Miss Ixa'taka, but I'm afraid I'm all booked up with my one hundred and seven other girlfriends. But don't worry." Lelouch made a finger gun and pointed it at her. "Soon, you'll be lucky number One Hundred and Eight."

She proceeded to faint, and the whole class was drooling.

"That was amazing, Lelouch," Milly Ashford swooned, slowly taking off all of her clothes. "These clothes are just so hot, I need to cool down."

"So are mine," Shirley Fenette moaned.

"Mine too—" Nina began, but she was quickly bitch slapped by Milly.

"Shut the hell up, Nina, nobody cares about your A-cup ass."

Nina cried hard and everyone got naked. Except Nina, because she sucks.

Lelouch left the classroom. Everyone bowed to him. Soon, he was met by Rivalz Cardemonde.

"Hey, Lelouch, guess what?"

"What?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Holy plot twist, Rivalz! Are you sure?"

"Positive! In fact, I think our cover's been blown!"

"No! And to think we could have gotten away back in Monaco."

Suddenly THE WINDOWS EXPLODED, causing broken glass to go everywhere! It was about to stab everyone in the eye [A/N: that hurts] but Lelouch quickly deflected all the glass and allowed it to stab him instead! Everyone gathered around him, worried.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?! You look hurt! Let me kiss you to help heal your wounds."

"It's a tough job being me," Lelouch said, lighting a cigarette.

Then SUZAKU KURURUGI THE LANCELOT PILOTING GUY came storming through the broken windows. He was really pissed and he was armed with a pistol.

"SUZAKU!" Lelouch said, swiveling to his feet.

"LELOUCH!" Suzaku said. He started firing bullets at Lelouch, about 250 of them, but Lelouch evaded each and every one with his super awesome ninja powers he got as a result of being Zero.

"SUZAKU!" Lelouch made a flying leap and landed on top of the Ashford Academy roof.

"LELOUCH!" Suzaku quickly ran up the walls sideways and skidded onto the roof, where he threw away his pistol and pulled up his fists, ready to fight Lelouch one-on-one the traditional way.

"SUZAKU!" Lelouch roared quietly. He proceeded to engage in fisticuffs with Suzaku and HOLY SHIT IT WAS SO COOL! They were flying all around and then Suzaku punched Lelouch but then Lelouch did a roundhouse kick back and then this cool thing happened and then THIS COOL THING HAPPENED, and then Lelouch kicked Suzaku off the roof where he left a meteor-sized crater (they're really big, I've seen them before) in the ground as he fell on his butt. Suzaku got up and did that awesome flying spin kick thingy he always does but Lelouch was one step ahead as he did the LULUCOPTER where he started spinning and flying through the air like he was a helicopter. The sheer awesomeness of the Lulucopter tossed Suzaku into the air, where he managed to crash into an actual flying helicopter.

"Ey, what gives?! I still have to pay the rent on this," the pilot went.

"I AM THE RENT!" Suzaku bellowed. He jumped off the helicopter which caused the controls to get set on fire and his fist collided with Lelouch's fist, which caused a cool beam of energy.

"HRRRRNNGHHHHHH!" went Lelouch, epically.

"RRRARRRGGHHHH!" said Suzaku, epically.

"You're the one who betrayed Griffin back in Monaco, huh?!" Lelouch said, tears in his eyes. "HE WAS A GOOD MAN!"

"I HAD NO CHOICE!"

Suddenly the helicopter began tumbling towards the school roof. Lelouch and Suzaku both jumped off exactly as the explosion happened, because cool guys don't look at explosions. They were both wearing sunglasses. Lelouch also managed to save an entire litter of kittens, puppies, and newborn orphan babies in that timeframe.

"You saved those babies and puppies and kittens!" Suzaku said with big wide eyes before getting on one knee. "I was wrong about u! Let me join you and become your knight."

"Yes, Suzaku, be my Knight, and together we shall conquer the world. No homo."

"No homo."

At that moment LELOUCH'S KNIGHTMARE FRAME, THE SHINKIRO came to him.

"I'm here to protect you, Lelouch," Shinkiro said.

"Oh my mashed potatoes! You talk?" Lelouch said, putting his hands to his cheeks caused he was shocked.

"Of course I talk, silly! I believe in you!"

"And I believe in myself too! Now let's go FIGHT SCHNITZEL!"

PRINCE SCHNITZEL BRITANNIA CAME FLYING INTO ASHFORD ACADEMY WITH HIS MASSIVE FLEET OF LIKE ONE BILLION SOLDIERS AND PLANES AND KNIGHTMARE FRAMES.

"Bring it on!" Lelouch taunted. "Suzaku and I will beat all of you with our bare hands! With the power of friendship!"

"That's right! THEME SONG!"

Lelouch and Suzaku grasped each other's hands (no homo).

"I wanna be the very best," Lelouch began.

"Like no-one ever was," Suzaku said.

A beam of light shot up from the two of them as the SEVEN CHAOS EMERALDS started swirling in a circle around Lelouch and Suzaku.

"Stop them before they can finish!" Schnitzel said, flailing his limbs around and laughing evilly. A bunch of bombs and artillery starting hitting Lelouch and Suzaku but there was a huge energy shield that blocked them.

"To catch them is my real test! To train them is my cause!"

Suzaku's hair started turning GOLDEN. WHOA HOLY SHIT!

"I travel across the land, searching far and wide," Suzaku proclaimed, using the power of the Chaos Emeralds to turn him into SUPER HYPER ULTRA ULTIMATE SUZAKU!

"Each Pokemon to understand!" Lelouch continued, and soon his hair was golden too and he was SUPER HYPER ULTRA MEGA ULTIMATE LELOUCH (he has one more than Suzaku because he's the main character and powerful and shit).

"I believe in you, Lelouch!" Kallen cried, her boobs pressing against her shirt.

"THE POWER THAT'S INSIDE!" Lelouch and Suzaku chanted in unison. They suddenly SHOT UP INTO THE SKYLINE AND BEGAN DESTROYING SCHNITZEL'S KNIGHTMARE FRAMES ONE BY ONE, WITH A LOT OF SNAPS AND CRACKLES AND POPS! They only used their bare hands and they were able to shrug off anybody of the wounds and boo-boos they received with the healing power of FRIENDSHIP, TEAMWORK, AND DETERMINATION.

"How can they be so powerful?!" Schnitzel proclaimed, speaking to no one in particular.

"POKEMON! GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!" Suzaku said, firing a huge energy beam that wiped out, like, a million of the Knightmare Frames. They were like burning stars in the sky!

"IT'S YOU AND ME!" Lelouch proclaimed, doing a cool spin kick ultra lightning bolt fire acid move that destroyed a bunch of ROBOTS. "I KNOW IT'S MY DESTINY!"

"OOH, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND (no homo), IN A WORLD WE MUST DEFEND!" Suzaku said. He and Lelouch joined hands again (no homo) and began charging up their ULTIMATE ATTACK.

"NO! NOT THE ULTIMATE ATTACK!" Schnitzel said aboard the Avalon.

"POKEMON! A HEART SO TRUE!" The beam SHOT THROUGH THE AVALON CAUSING IT TO EXPLODE.

"I WILL NEVER BE DEFEATED!" Schnitzel bellowed.

"Our courage WILL PULL US THROUGH!" Lelouch screamed quietly, punching Schnitzel eight hundred million times until he pounded him into dust.

"YOU TEACH ME!" Suzaku said, holding out his hand.

"AND I'LL TEACH YOU!" Lelouch said. He fistbumped Suzaku.

"POKEMON!" They chanted together.

"Gotta catch 'em all," Nina said timidly.

"Shut up, Nina, nobody cares," Lelouch said.

Suddenly A HUGE DOME CAME UP OVER THE HORIZON.

"Attention entire world! Hear my proclamation!"

"Oh no," Lelouch furiously whispered. "That voice… it can't be!"

"I am Nunnally vi Britannia! Empress of the Holy Britannian Empire and your only ruler!"

Lelouch screamed to the heavens. "NUNNALLAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"How dare you speak about Nunnally," Suzaku said, suddenly pissed off. "EUPHIE WAS MY ONLY LOVE!"

Lelouch and Suzaku were having an EMO SHOWDOWN!

"I turned to drugs because I missed the love of my sister," Lelouch boasted. The score was 1-1.

"I lost my sanity because of a girl I never even kissed," Suzaku shot back. 1-2.

"Ooooohhhh," went the audience.

"I was willing to burn the entire world because nobody understood me!" Lelouch fired.

"I lost my childhood because of the world burning!"

"I listen to Linkin Park!"

"I listen to Shinedown, Linkin Park, Three Days Grace, My Chemical Romance, AND CREED!"

"I have severe PTSD, diabetes, benign tumors, and a lack of PARENTAL AFFECTION!"

"My parents are dead!"

"I killed my own parents without even THINKING TWICE ABOUT IT!" Lelouch roared.

"I did the same thing you did! And I WAS TEN YEARS OLD WHEN I DID IT!"

"THE ANGUISH I EXPERIENCE ON A DAILY BASIS EXCEEDS THE SUM OF ALL MANKIND'S SUFFERING!"

"CRAP-SPEWING, ARROGANT COCKTARD!" Suzaku proclaimed, intelligently.

"HOLLOW-HEADED, CASTRATED GAY BOTTOM SLUT!"

"PENIS-INGESTING TURDMONKEY!"

"FUCK-FACED INBRED DOUBLE SWISS ARMY KNIFE!"

"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A DOUBLE—"

Suddenly Nunnally blew them up.

The world mourned the loss of Lelouch vi Britannia and that other Japanese guy.

[*****]

WHITE SPACE

Lelouch awoke to nothingness.

He looked around, and all he saw was an endless valley of white.

"Where the hell am I?"