I'm trying to finish Part Two before beginning regular postings so there can be a long string of chapters with zero interruptions. However, I do want to show you guys I'm still working hard on this so here's Chapter Thirty.
If writing Part Two takes forever I'll probably do a couple of irregular posts here and there just so there's still some story progress.
Anyway, hope you guys like!
Chapter Thirty: In the Wake of Determination
The medical bay wasn't crowded, and thankfully Hilda wasn't in it. Though, according to the nurse who took care of Flay and I, she had spotted Hilda stealing some bandages and other things. The orders of noncombatant personnel were basically to run in the opposite direction if they saw Hilda, and it was an order the nurse had been all too happy to follow.
Her name was Jacqueline Grumman. She was one of the Artemis personnel that had wound up staying on the Archangel. She spoke with a German accent but her command of the language of business, English, was good enough to be clearly understood. Although I could've spoken German, I knew I'd be locking Flay out of any conversation that way. That wouldn't be fair to her. Plus, considering Flay's clear damage, I wasn't in the mood to say or do anything that could set her off. Anything could, really.
Jacqueline sighed as she bandaged my side. "You're lucky this is just a scratch, Ensign. This could have been a lot worse."
She looked at both Flay and I. "You both are incredibly lucky, for that matter. She could have still killed you both."
"She panicked. After all her right eye got sliced open," I said.
Flay seemed to shrink just a little bit on the medical table she was sitting on.
Jacqueline sighed. "I suppose that would make sense."
She looked at Flay. "We're going to need to give you an emergency operation over your tooth. Mr. Drexler has dental training, he will help you."
"Okay," Flay said.
Jacqueline looked back at me then. "You are free to go, but be damned careful where you go. I would suggest going back to the dormitories and staying there. Hilda hasn't been spotted in that place to my knowledge. Please come back here in six hours so I can check on your wound."
"Got it, thank you," I said.
Jacqueline smiled. "Good. Nice to have patients who listen to me for a change."
She left then, leaving me with Flay alone. The girl had calmed somewhat, but she still had a wild look about her. It was likely because Flay's appearance was completely disheveled, but I couldn't help but think there was something else going on. Just too many things had happened. There was an edge in this girl that just wouldn't settle down.
"I want to get stronger," Flay said softly after a moment.
That was a totally random statement to make. But it made sense after a moment. "How so?"
"Mentally and physically. I need to get tougher. I won't pass the simulator if I don't get stronger."
This reminds me of bad cartoons from my childhood that had characters saying the exact same thing repeatedly. "Flay, right now I would just concentrate on getting your mouth fixed. Literally. And if you're afraid of Sai leaving you, just take a look in the mirror. You look like a total wreck."
"I haven't been able to sleep lately," Flay replied. "All I can think about is the simulator."
"Take a break from it," I said.
"Yeah, that's the obvious answer isn't it?" Flay asked with a sigh.
"Pretty much. You just need a day off from that thing and cool off a little. You're letting this eat at you and that's not going to end well for you or everyone else."
Flay's lips trembled a little, and her eyes seemed to shimmer as she looked at me. "Damn it. I just can't hate you anymore. Not even Sai talks to me the way you do."
"I-wha?" That had been a totally unexpected thing for Flay to say.
"It was so easy to call you a 'boy' and 'amazon' and everything else back on Heliopolis," Flay said, still keeping her gaze on me. "But that strength that I found stupid is why you haven't cracked. And why you still care."
"Well, I thought you were just a stupid bitch," I replied, trying to smile so Flay would think I wasn't being completely serious. "You're not."
Flay just chuckled. "That makes me feel better."
I wasn't sure what to say to that, but I didn't have to. Flay spoke again after a moment, wringing her hands.
"I need to take this into my own hands," Flay said. "You're right. You've been right all along. I shouldn't try to force people to do what I want them to. I need to take care of it myself."
The look in her eyes now resembled something steely and formidable, and it just made my misjudgment of Flay even clearer than it already was. Putting her in that Skygrasper sim had woken something deep within her. Something she probably had no clue she had. It was like a warrior was starting to peer out from her girlish shell, and it was terrifying, hateful, and determined.
Flay's shell was going to crack, I realized. In the days to come it was going to fall apart piece by piece and a totally new Flay was going to emerge.
No, I was wrong. It already had started coming apart. The old Flay never would have rushed Hilda with a knife. The warrior was already trying to break out of the shell and the shell wasn't taking it very well.
Flay's voice took on a deeper tenor as she continued to speak. "It's all their fault. They didn't need to do any of this. Heliopolis, the neutron jammer, all of it. I wouldn't even be surprised if they bombed Junius Seven themselves so they could finally wipe out the Naturals and take their so-called 'rightful place' as the new humanity."
That was a theory passed around by radicals in the Earth Alliance, that PLANT had arranged for the Bloody Valentine in order to start a war against the Earth. I found it ludicrous, but Flay obviously didn't. It reminded me that Flay was still a radical and I needed to keep her away from Melanie.
"I'm going to kill them all before they do it to us," Flay said. "I can do it. I know I can do it."
Flay was really starting to creep me out and I wanted her to stop, so I interrupted her. "Look, just go wherever you need to go, and get your mouth fixed, okay?"
"Yeah, you're probably right," Flay said, her voice returning to something resembling her normal pitch. She got off her table and walked over to the door.
She smiled at me. "I owe you this, Cagalli."
And then she was gone. It took me a moment to realize I was shivering and it felt like something cold was shooting down my spine.
Flay shouldn't have scared me like that. How could she do that? Just her words? Or was it her voice?
Suddenly, I remembered Kira mentioning that I sounded soulless in our brief conversation when I was fleeing Tassil. Was that what I sounded like? Did Flay sound like I had?
Holy crap. No wonder Kira was scared.
There is no "what have I done" type of realization here. I know what I did. Putting Flay in the Skygrasper simulation was a big mistake. Even if she never gets good enough to fly it didn't do what I intended the simulator to do.
I just hope I don't pay for it later.
The moment I left the office, I was immediately approached by a pair of armed guards. Judging by their accents, they were Atlantic Federation. "Ensign Yamato, ma'am, you are to be escorted to your quarters immediately."
"Really?" I ask, somewhat surprised. It took me a moment before it hit me, and one of the guards explained it to me immediately.
"Captain Ramius want you locked down and under guard until Harken is either killed or otherwise subjugated, ma'am. I can bring her on the line if you wish."
"No, it isn't necessary . . . Sergeant," I said, noticing the pins on his collar as I spoke. "Just take me there."
"Understood, ma'am. Your line is active so if you need additional medical treatment we will send a doctor or nurse to you."
"Thank you, Sergeant."
The sergeant immediately took the lead and lead me down the corridors, with his underling following me. It took me a moment to see that they were trying to subtly shield me as much as they could, as if Harken could pop out from any space at any given moment. Which is understandable. I had no clue where she could be, and I doubted these guys knew either.
I tried asking anyway. "Does anyone have any idea where she went?"
"No. We just know she could be after high-profile targets. Petty Officer Athha is inside the hangar which is on full lockdown to prevent any sort of sabotage. The officers are all on the bridge which is also on lockdown. You are the only high-profile human target left who is not locked down."
Great. So if Harken is blundering around the ship with her one good eye looking to kill somebody, it'll wind up being me. Just what I needed.
"We are really vulnerable to attack like this, Sergeant," I say.
"That's why we have teams sweeping the entire ship, and guarding every possible exit," the sergeant said. "We'll most likely catch her before long."
The fact that she had evaded capture this long already despite have her eye slashed open by Flay told otherwise. Hilda Harken was really good at this, and she had probably spent time scoping the whole ship out in case something like this happened. That may have even been what she had been doing when she spotted me and decided to take matters into her own hands.
But that assumed that Hilda wanted to live. Who knew how much of a diehard she was?
Who said she wouldn't sacrifice herself to kill me?
As we walked down the hallway, I felt worse and worse as a pressure built up in my stomach, a pressure that reminded me of Tassill. A sense of feeling so vulnerable and scared that I was sweating just by the merethought of sudden movement. But around each corner, nothing happened. The hallways were curiously empty except for occasionally another patrol of armed men and women.
I could imagine what would happen if the ZAFT chose to attack now. Total panic. And we'd lose. Easily.
But as we approached my room, I relaxed. Slightly. Sure, there was nothing reporting that Hilda had been found, but now I was in my lockdown area. Now I was going to be protected around the clock until Hilda was caught. Not ideal but I felt a lot better.
The guard in front of me went in front of my door and it slid open. I was about to follow him inside when I heard gunfire.
Oh my God.
I dove to the right as the guard was riddled with bullets, and the man behind me took cover to the left. I could hear a little girl's voice scream in terror and fear, and I realized who that voice belonged to.
Elle.
Oh, that bitch.
The guard in front of me fell backwards, his gun falling out of his hand backwards. The muzzle of the gun was just enough protected that I was able to grab it without risking getting shot. I shouldered his rifle, and realized his safety was off. A sickening feeling compounded the pressure in my stomach, making me want to throw up. If the guard had pulled the trigger, I would've been shot for sure.
Hilda's voice. "I don't want to hurt or kill anyone else! All I want is you, Cagalli Yamato! Give yourself up!"
Elle, sobbing and crying. She sounded like she was trying to say something, but she couldn't manage it.
The surviving guard was quick on the com. "All units, all units, Hilda's been found! Location: Ensign Yamato's room! Requesting reinforcements immediately! Repeat, requesting reinforcements immediately!"
Hilda began shouting again. "I know you're out there, Cagalli Yamato! Give yourself up! I want your hands in the air and approaching me in sixty seconds or this girl dies!"
She's really going there? Threatening to kill a little girl? My little girl? Who I've been taking care of since her mother was murdered? This woman was just going to march in here and murder this innocent little girl who just wants to go home?
"You're pathetic," I spat. "She's a child. Leave her out of this!"
"Aren't you a child as well, Cagalli Yamato?" Hilda asked. "And yet you kill my allies, my friends. Do you deserve the same consideration?"
"She's not even ten years old!"
"I doubt if she's even seven," Hilda says.
"Then let her go!"
"I am not getting captured or killed without accomplishing my objective!" Hilda shouted. "Either you sacrifice yourself for this girl's sake, or you sit and allow her to die! And you know how guilty you'll feel for letting this girl die! It'll eat at you steadily until you have nothing left but despair! How long will you be able to fight after this girl dies?"
"Cagalli, help me," Elle sobbed. Damn it, that sob was already eating at me.
"Please, it's not worth it," I said. I felt pathetic for already begging, but I didn't know what to say to her. We both knew I wouldn't let Elle die.
"I know how much this girl means to you," Hilda said. "I heard the whole sad story. I know you won't let her die. So stop this drama and give yourself to me so I'll let her live!"
The guard looks at me. "You know you can't do this-"
"No one speaks other than Cagalli and I!" Hilda shouted. "Any other words spoken, the girl dies now!"
Elle's cries grew louder, and then she screamed in sudden pain.
"Stop it!" I shouted. "What are you doing?"
"I just placed the gun muzzle onto her forehead. It just happened to be a little hot," Hilda says.
I wanted to kill her. I mean that. I felt this primal desire to take her head and smash it against the Archangel's walls until there was nothing left but pulp. It was possessing me, and it was taking all of my self control to not lean into that room and shoot Hilda immediately.
More people, running down the hall, at long last.
"No one else interferes!" Hilda shouted. "Stop them now or she dies!"
Immediately, I yell "Stop! Everybody! Don't come any closer!"
There's grunts of confusion from everybody coming, but they're smart enough to stop.
"If you come any closer, there's a civilian who's going to die," I say. "Stop."
"Good. You can follow one instruction," Hilda says. "Now follow the main one. Surrender yourself."
How can I get out of this? Isn't there any way I can trick her into screwing up so I can kill or otherwise stop her and save Elle?
"Release her and I'll give up."
"I'm not falling for that trick!" Hilda shouted. Again, I heard Elle shriek in pain and the only thing I could do in response is punch the floor multiple times until my left fist began to bleed from the knuckles. There was so much raw aggression filling in me I felt more like an animal than a human.
But there wasn't a seed. That brown seed I had seen in the Strike's cockpit wasn't showing up. Why? Why wasn't it appearing?
"Cagalli, Cagalli, help me, please help me," Elle sobbed. "I don't want to die. I don't want to die like Mommy. Please."
That repressed my anger somewhat. Now I just felt like crying. What could I do? There was so much anger and sadness swirling inside me that I couldn't decide what to do. What to take all of this emotion out on. I needed to release it and there was no outlet.
I looked at the guard. The guard emphatically shook his head. No. The message was clear. Don't sacrifice myself.
"Ten seconds, Cagalli Yamato. I'm not giving you any more time to decide!" Hilda shouted.
"Nine, eight, seven, six."
Elle's screaming now. "Cagalli, please! Help me! Help me, please!"
"Shut up!" Hilda shouted, and Melanie screamed a third time.
Make it stop. Make it stop.
"Five, four, three, two-"
"Stop!" I finally shout.
"What?" Hilda yelled.
"I give up! Don't shoot her! I'm going to give up!"
The guard stared at me. "Don't do-"
"Silence or she dies!" Hilda yelled.
The guard looked in the direction of my room, then back to me. He shook his head, almost in a pleading manner.
"I can't do it," I said. "I can't do it. I can't let her die. She's my responsibility."
I must have sounded like the most broken woman in the whole planet right there, considering the way the guard stared at me. I got up, and stared at the rifle from the dead guard. Was there any way to shoot Hilda without harming Elle?
Hilda must've heard me get up because she began barking instructions. "I know you're armed, Cagalli Yamato! Leave the gun!"
"Release Elle, and I'll drop the gun!" I shout back.
"You're not in the position to negotiate!" Hilda yelled.
I knew she was right. In frustration, I threw the gun across the hall and it bounced off the wall and clattered to the ground. In hindsight, that was obscenely stupid, considering the safety was off. It could've gone off, easily, and harmed me or everyone else around here. I was lucky it didn't.
"I'm peeking inside! But I won't give myself up fully unless you let go of Elle!" I yell.
"I said-"
"Give me a break, Hilda! You can't seriously want to kill Elle!"
"The last thing I want to do is kill her!" Hilda yelled back. "But I have to do my duty. I'm a soldier, dammit! I was assigned a mission and I will complete it one way or another."
"And if you don't complete it, you're going to kill an innocent child?"
"If I have to." But Hilda's saying that with a bit less conviction in her voice.
"What can you possibly gain by killing a child and then being shot?" I asked. "What? All you're doing is securing yourself a place in hell!"
"We're a nation of atheists, we don't believe in a heaven and hell!" Hilda shouted. "This life is all we have! Death is equal!"
"And you want to end it right now, in this way?" I asked.
"What?"
I couldn't believe she had never thought of this. "You want your entire life to lead up to this final moment, when you murder an innocent child and then get gunned down? That's why you were born? That's why you're here? That's what you blew your cover for?"
Silence. She was wavering. I just knew. Her response sounded desperate and shaky. "Damn it, don't talk to me like that! This is the only option I have left!"
"No matter who wins this war, Hilda, life is going to go on. Do you just want to be yet another battlefield casualty, and drag a little girl down with you, or do you want to be a P.O.W. with a chance of restarting your life when this war ends?"
"Shut up!" Hilda shrieked.
"Put the gun down and end this! Everyone will be a lot better off if you just give up, you included! If this is the only life we have, and there's no afterlife, why do you want to throw it away? Life is never worth throwing away, Hilda!"
Hilda didn't respond, but then I heard Elle. "Cagalli! Cagalli!"
Much to my surprise, Elle rounded the corner and I barely relaxed in time to catch Elle as she embraced me.
"Cagalli, Cagalli," the girl sobbed.
"Elle," was all I could say, soft, surprised, barely able to fathom what just happened.
I peeked around the corner, and there was Hilda, her hands on her face, tears pouring out of her remaining eye, her sobs audible despite her mouth trying to cover up her mouth.
She just plain couldn't do it anymore. Somehow, some way, I had managed to break her without even peeking around the corner or threatening her at all.
Realizing something was off, both my remaining bodyguard and the reinforcements marched in there, and pulled Hilda away. She did not resist, she didn't even try to walk under her own power. She just rested, totally limp, as she was dragged away, presumably into the brig to be questioned.
All she did was turn her head to look at me, tears still pouring out of her only remaining eye. Her sobs were soft, almost silent, and she turned her head away from me, as of in shame.
Looking at her, I wonder if she would ever try to fight again, even if she was given an opportunity too. She just plain looked done.
"Cagalli," Elle sobbed.
I couldn't worry about Hilda then any longer. Just the little girl. That's all that mattered now. Somehow, I had managed to save her life without any violence.
"Did she hurt you?" I asked.
"She . . . s-he put her gun against my head. It hurt," Elle sobbed.
That's what Hilda said she did. "Did she do anything else to you?"
"N-No."
I breathed a big sigh of relief. "Good. You're all right now. Nobody will ever hurt you again, okay? Never again."
I held the girl there for a while, just let her try to breathe and calm down. She needed to go to the infirmary to have any burn injuries she had looked at, but she was clearly not up to moving. Not right now.
"Why?" she asked all of a sudden. "Why can't the Coordinators be like you?"
"What?" I asked, perplexed by the question.
"Why can't the other Coordinators just be nice?" Elle wailed.
What a loaded question. How to answer that one?
"Because . . . it's war. Nobody can be nice in war," I said. "Natural or Coordinator."
"War is stupid," Elle replied.
"Yeah . . ." I said softly. "War is stupid."
