This one's coming out a little early because I can't guarantee being able to post it tomorrow. So I'm posting it now.

I have avoided editing the TVTropes entry for this fic (I think it's insanely cool that it has one tho XD) because I don't feel it's right for the writer of the story to edit such a page, but I did make a subtle change. I just moved the "Take That Scrappy" entry to the YMMV tab where it belongs. Don't expect me to alter anything again unless something like that occurs again.

Anyway, enjoy. The separation between SEED and this fic continues,


Chapter Thirty-Eight: Winds of Change

I had beaten Waltfeld with enough power to take the Strike and fly it back to the Archangel. Aisha sat coolly by my side, and made no moves, and didn't say a word to me. She didn't need to. I knew how she felt. I had killed the person she loved, after all.

The temptation to try to kill me had to be pretty strong. Maybe that's why Waltfeld had said what he said. So Aisha wouldn't pull a stunt that would involve her own self-destruction. I didn't know if Aisha was the type of person to do such a thing, but a grieving person is capable of things they normally wouldn't do. Desperate, self-destructive things.

I couldn't come up with anything to say to her either. There was nothing that would alleviate her pain. Not from the person who had killed Andrew Waltfeld.

I only felt a wave of relief when I finally docked the Strike inside the Archangel, and a few guards came and led a still-silent Aisha away. It occurred to me that I didn't even know Aisha's last name, or whether she was even engaged or married to Andrew Waltfeld. Who knew how deep the connection could go?

I thought about just resting inside the Strike cockpit for a while, but I knew I couldn't do that. I needed to go inside the ship. It would be much more comfortable sleeping in my bunk than in here. I took my helmet off and walked outside, giving one last look at Aisha as she walked down the stairway towards ground floor, still being cooperative, but not giving her newfound captors any more attention than necessary.

Damn it, what had I done? It just didn't feel right. None of this. No wonder so many people can't take war. Not only the feeling of being killed, but knowing that you were murdering people just like you.

"Cagalli!" Kira shouted from behind me.

I turned around and saw him. He was gleaming brightly, and I knew why. I had to smile for him, as hollow as I felt. "Hi. Your advice worked well."

"Yeah, it did! I can't believe it, you did so great out there!" Kira peered inside the cockpit excitedly as he spoke, and then came back out. "Seriously, you were incredible out there! I mean, we're going to need to fish the shield out of the sands, but otherwise . . ."

"Thank you," I said.

Kira's smile faded just a bit. "I forgot. You got to know Andrew Waltfeld."

"He was an enemy, Kira, and he had to die. If he survived, you would probably be dead or captured right about now," I replied.

Kira's face finally fell completely. "I know. You have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. I'm sorry."

"No, you have every right to be happy. This stupid desert campaign is finally over. I killed the Desert Tiger. Now we can finally go home," I replied.

Kira scratched the back of his head and had an awkward expression on his face. That bugged me. "What?" I asked.

"Well, we gotta cross the Red Sea and the Indian Ocean and pass by ZAFT's Carpentaria Base which is located in Australia. All before we make it to Orb waters. We're about three weeks away from home, Cagalli," Kira replied.

"Yeah. And the 'ZAFT Carpentaria Base' part doesn't sound too good," I replied.

"No. Even if we avoid battle in the Red Sea and Indian Ocean I bet that ZAFT will try to intercept us somewhere after the Strait of Malacca in Indonesia," Kira replied.

"Then I guess I'll enjoy the peace and quiet while I still can," I said, as I noticed that Flay's stolen Skygrasper was in the hangar. In fact, she had landed before I had, but it looked like she was still in the Skygrasper unit.

"What's up with Flay?" I asked.

"She'll probably disturb the peace and quiet before it even starts," Kira replied.

I glared at him.

Kira awkwardly chuckled. "Well . . . I think she's scared to come out, y'know . . . plus Murdoch is really embarrassed that he let Flay barge in here and take the Skygrasper on him too. Nobody's happy with Flay even though she brought it home intact."

"Yeah, I know. Badgiruel's going to have Flay's head," I replied. "C'mon. Let's see if Flay's gone crazy or not."

"You really think so?" Kira asked as he followed me.

"No, but I doubt she's doing well. You didn't hear the stuff she was spewing during the battle," I replied as I went towards the stairs. "She was venting. A lot."

"Oh boy," Kira sighed as he followed me to ground level.

We walked over to the Skygrasper. Yup, Flay was still in there. She had her helmet off and her eyes closed, as if she was sleeping or meditating.

Well, it was better than her laughing insanely or making some kind of creepy facial expression.

You can probably tell I wasn't asking for a whole lot.

"Do we dare open the cockpit from the outside?" Kira asked.

"It's not like she's been demonically possessed or anything," I replied.

"Yeah, but Skygraspers have a pistol inside. She could freak out and pull it on us," Kira replied.

"I highly doubt Flay's that far gone," I replied.

It was then that the cockpit's seal vanished with a hiss, and then a thin buzzing noise as a motor opened the canopy. Flay took her helmet off as the canopy opened completely, and she turned to look at us. Her face was impassive. "Cagalli. Prince Kira."

"Uh, hi," Kira managed with a nervous little smile on his face.

"I did it," she said, opening and closing her right fist. "I did it. I killed them. Killed the Coordinators. Avenged my daddy."

Tears began forming in her eyes. "Do you think . . . Daddy would be proud of me? Daddy would, right? I'm stronger, I fought his enemies, I killed them, you know? But then . . . then he . . . sent me to Orb . . . so I wouldn't fight . . . so . . . maybe he's angry wherever he is now. Maybe he hates me."

She put her hands to her face. "What have I done? Oh my God, what have I done? Daddy, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Flay's fall from emotionless to a total sobbing wreck was stunning to watch, and I found myself struggling for words. Just like with Waltfeld, all I could feel was responsibility for this. This was my fault. Flay's emotional damage was hers and hers alone, but I had turned her towards this path. I had put her in the simulator, and she had learned how to fly, how to kill.

I had sorely underestimated this girl in every way possible.

I slowly reached my hand out, ready to withdraw at the first indication that Flay would lash out. When she didn't seem to pay me any attention, I slowly placed my hand on her right shoulder. "Flay."

Her head didn't turn towards me, but her hands moved away from her eyes, and they looked right at me. "What do you want?"

My throat felt constricted. I truly had no idea what to say. I started to talk anyway, hoping I could improvise something out of thin air. "Flay, I-"

It didn't matter. "Why don't I feel better, Cagalli? Why don't I? I don't feel better at all! Just worse. All I feel is worse!"

Every response I thought of sounded worse and worse. All it would do would stun her, enrage her, drive her further into despair. And it would be because of me. Because I was the one ultimately responsible for this. I made her go into the Skygrasper.

"It's my fault," I finally said. "I did this to you. I put you into the Skygrasper simulator and started all of this."

A new voice from behind. "God damn it, Ensign! Enough with your guilt! You may have put her in the simulator but it was Seaman Allster's choice to do what she did afterwards!"

It was Natarle Badgiruel. Kira slowly, nervously, backed away as Natarle approached the Skygrasper. "And now, I need you to step away. Seaman Allster stole military equipment she was not qualified to operate. You know the term 'throw the book at you'? That's what Allster qualifies for after this stunt."

"B-But-"

"Step away. Now," Badgiruel said.

She meant it. I looked from her, and back to Flay, who looked like she was going to fall into pieces from both terror and despair.

What Badgiruel had said made sense. It was Flay's choice. But, I still was the one who put her on the path to make her choices. I couldn't help but feel but somehow this was ultimately my fault and something I had to own up to.

So I moved myself inbetween Badgiruel and Flay.

Kira's eyes widened. "Cagalli, please."

"I can't, Kira. I just can't sit here and let Flay be punished for something I ultimately pushed her to do. If she's going to be punished, I'll be punished with her."

Badgiruel's eyes narrowed, but before she could speak I heard Murrue's voice in the distance, breathless. "Stop, all of you, stop!"

"Captain Ramius," Badgiruel said, clearly surprised.

It looked like Ramius had run the whole way from the bridge. "We're settling this in the officer's room, Natarle. All of it. Now, 2nd Lieutenant Yamato, step out of Lieutenant-Commander Badgiruel's way. That's an direct order."

"Wait, what?" I asked.

"You defeated the commander of the ZAFT forces in this theater, I think it warrants a battlefield promotion," Murrue replied. "But you need to follow orders. All five of us are going into the officer's room to settle this. You, Lieutenant-Commander La Flaga, Lieutenant-Commander Badgiruel and Seaman Second Class Allster. I will not tolerate rogue behavior of any kind, whether it's from you, 2nd Lieutenant, you, Seaman Allster, or you, Natarle. That's something all three of you are guilty of, and you all must see that."

Silence was all that greeted Murrue's remarks.

"Now come on. The sooner we get this settled, the sooner we can make preparations to depart. I'd like to leave within two or three days if we can manage it," Murrue said.

I didn't see any reason to argue with her, so I walked away from the Skygrasper. Badgiruel gave me a glare, but nothing other than that other than a scoff. She had calmed down enough to not lash out at me any further, probably because she knew she was just as guilty of rogue behavior as the rest of us.

As I began following Badgiruel and Murrue, I felt hands on my back. It took me a moment to realize they were Flay's, as she made a sort of weird half-hug. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you."

"Y-Yeah," I said. But it didn't make me feel any better, not even after getting a "good luck" nod from Kira as I left him in the hangar.

I could not help but feel that everything that had transpired was directly because of me. Like I was the root cause of everything that had gone wrong onboard this ship.

Like it truly was all my fault.


"Lieutenant-Commander Badgiruel is absolutely right that the book can be thrown at you for what you did, Seaman Second Class Allster," Murrue said as we were all sitting down at the table in the officer's room. "What you did constituted theft of military property, but also breaking out of the brig, which technically made you a fugitive as well."

"When the power went out, I thought we were all gonna die, so I made a break for it," Flay replied, her head down, her hands twitching and fidgeting. "When the power came back on, I was out of my cell, and the guards were disoriented, so I ran past them and ran straight to the hangar. I knew that there was some big battle going on. I could tell from what I was hearing all around me, and when I saw the second Skygrasper, fully-equipped and ready to go, I . . ."

She sighed and looked Murrue right in the eye. "I knew I could fly it. I knew I could fight them. All I could think about was what happened to my daddy in space and that happening again right here! That's why I suited up! That's why I took the Skygrasper! I didn't want my daddy's death to happen all over again!"

Flay sniffed and moaned as she tried desperately to keep from falling into a sobbing mess right in front of Murrue. I knew this was no act. Flay's emotion was real. Far too real.

Murrue folded her hands in front of her. "I understand your motivations. And . . ."

She took a long time to think. All of us stared at her intently. "My inclination is to throw you right back into the brig, because honestly the ends do not justify your means, Seaman Allster. But . . . I saw what you did out there. You helped turn the tide against the Tiger in that battle by your mere presence."

Murrue sighed again. "I am giving you a conditional battlefield commission, Ensign Flay Allster."

Flay gasped in surprise.

Mu looked dumbstruck.

I probably looked the same because I sure felt that way. I had never expected Murrue to give Flay so much slack, not in a million years.

Badgiruel's mouth fell open and was the only one who could speak. "What?"

Murrue held up her hand before Badgiruel could speak. "But I mean conditional, Ensign Allster. You are to follow your orders, to the letter, from your superior officers without question. That is part of the reason why I promoted 2nd Lieutenant Yamato, she is your superior officer now in addition to the three of us. If she gives you orders, you will follow them, just like you would from the three of us."

"I . . . I understand," Flay managed, her lips trembling, her eyes still wide in shock.

"If you disobey orders for any reason or you demonstrate poor behavior of any kind, your commission will be revoked, you will be busted all the way down to Seaman 2nd Class, you will not leave the brig and Lieutenant-Commander Badgiruel will be permitted to do what she feels is right regarding you," Murrue said. "Clear?"

"Clear," Flay said.

"Captain Ramius, I feel that this is a huge mistake," Badgiruel said, her eyes as wide as dinner plates.

"Your objection is noted, and like I said I agree with you on Ensign Allster's conduct. But the fact of the matter is that we need pilots," Murrue said.

"Even if Allster was a model soldier, she still hasn't completed the Skygrasper simulator. She only has one 'A' ranking in a row," Badgiruel replied.

"We are going to leave the desert and go across the Indian Ocean and likely battle more than one ZAFT unit on our way to Orb," Murrue said. "La Flaga and Yamato can't do this alone. If Allster can reform her act, and consistently give us results like she did just hours ago, we will be in a much better position."

La Flaga scratched the back of his head. "I guess once we set off for the Red Sea I can begin training her. The simulator's busted anyway after what that Argyle kid did to it, we aren't getting any other pilot trainees until we can get it fixed. If we can get it fixed."

"You're all buying into this, aren't you?" Badgiruel moaned as she facepalmed.

"I won't screw up," Flay said, her voice shaky. "I won't. I promise."

"Good, because like I said, Lieutenant-Commander Badgiruel will have free reign with punishing you," Murrue replied.

"I won't disobey orders, ma'am. I won't. I won't mouth off, or whatever else. I just . . . I just don't want to be locked up anymore. I want to do something," Flay said. Her arms were visibly trembling, and I wanted to place a hand on her shoulder to calm her down.

"And you have your chance," Murrue said. "Please stand while I walk over to you."

Flay did so, as Murrue walked around the table. Murrue pinned a pair of yellow stripes on Flay's collar. "Here you go. Just remember your newfound responsibility, Ensign."

"Y-Yes . . ." Flay seemed to be completely frozen in time for just a few seconds, then, like she had returned to our plane of existence, managed a "Ma'am."

Murrue turned to me. "Normally, your promotion to 2nd Lieutenant means you'll get a white uniform like the three of us. But we don't have any other white officers' uniforms onboard. Unless you want to stick with the Atlantic Federation, you're stuck with your current uniform and you'll just receive a pair of silver bars. We dohave those laying around."

"That's okay. I don't care that my uniform is still purple," I said.

Murrue smiled. "Sounds good, Lieutenant. Now you and Ensign Allster are dismissed."

"Actually, I have one more question," I said.

"Yes?" Murrue asked.

"There's a young man who was badly hurt by the people who captured me," I said. "I just want permission to leave the ship to tell him goodbye."

Murrue smiled. "That sounds acceptable to me. And would make a good first assignment for you, Ensign Allster. Protect 2nd Lieutenant Yamato while she gives her farewells."

"Uh, yes, ma'am," Flay replied.

"Good. Get to it immediately. The sooner you two are finished and back inside the ship, the better," Murrue said.

"We're on it, ma'am," I said, and the two of us left.


"We have the nicest captain in the world," Flay said as we walked outside. "I thought she was going to kill me, and after she killed me Daddy would kill me in heaven or wherever we go when we die."

This reminded me of that peculiar conversation with Ahmed after leaving Tassil. Not the same subject, but it was kinda eerie in its similarities. "How can you be killed if you're already dead?"

"I dunno. Maybe there's an after-afterlife," Flay said.

"That's a new concept," I said. The Desert Dawn camp was already in the phase of being dismantled, and the various stuff the Archangel crew had strewn about this place was being packaged up and being moved into the ship. It looked like some supplies were also being moved onto the ship, probably food and other provisions that we would need.

"I thought it was all over," Flay said. "All over. And instead I have an officer's stripes and she is even letting me carry a gun. Why? Why does it feel like I'm being rewarded for doing something wrong?"

"She's not rewarding you," I said. "Trust me. All she's done is put a crapload of responsibility on you. You've been empowered, sure, but you could lose it all in an instant. She told you so."

Flay bit her lip and didn't say anything more about the subject. Instead, she changed it. "Why do we need to say goodbye to this 'Ahmed' person, anyway? Isn't he the guy who opened his mouth and got you captured by the Blue Cosmos people in the first place?"

"I just wanted to show him that I'm okay," I replied. "That we're all okay. He helped me get out of Tassil, he was with me to meet Waltfeld. In a way, he's been with me ever since I got stuck in this desert. I think I should tell him goodbye."

"I see," Flay said softly. "You're not blaming him."

"There's no point. It all turned out well in the end," I replied.

"But you could've been killed."

"But I wasn't," I replied. "I'm not going to say anything more until we actually talk to Ahmed. You'll know why I feel this way then."

"O-kay," Flay said, clearly not convinced. But she didn't need to me. I knew I would convince her soon enough, and anyway she was still stunned by the recent turn of developments regarding her. It probably didn't seem real to her.

When I found Ahmed, he was conscious, though much of his body was either in bandages or casts. The rogue, Blue Cosmos-following soldiers had done a clear number to him. He even still needed an IV hooked up to him.

Only one eye, the right one, was exposed, the left eye was under a bandage. When Ahmed saw me, that right eye looked away from me. "Oh no."

"It's all right, Ahmed," I replied. "I just came here to tell you that I'm okay and I will be departing on the Archangel."

"It's my fault," Ahmed said softly. "I didn't make sure the coast was clear before I told Sahib. And I know you were really furious . . . Sahib was blustering about the way you snapped at him just an hour ago. He's kind of glad that you and the ship can depart now."

"Sahib's responsibility was to control his men," I replied. "The buck stops with him. If word did get out, his job was to make sure his men didn't do a self-destructive measure like that. Where they murder the person who gives them the best chance of victory and survival. He failed to do that, and it fell onto one of my superior officers to save me."

"So you forgive me?" Ahmed asked.

"Yes, I forgive you," I replied. "I just want to make sure you're all right before we leave. We have a lot of the more advanced medical technology, so if we need to leave anything behind for you to make sure you're okay, please let us know."

"I think I'm fine." Ahmed managed to smile. "I'm just glad that the Tiger's been beaten. Now all we have to do is take back our land, while ZAFT is reeling over the loss of their commander. I know I won't be participating in any more battles for a while, but . . ."

"But?" I asked.

"But I'm just glad we have hope finally. For so long, all we did was run and lose. But now . . . we can win. You gave us a chance to do that. Now we need to seize it and make the best out of it."

"I hope you will. Just don't die out here," I said.

"I don't think I will as long as I'm in these casts and bandages," Ahmed said. "By the time I'm back on my feet, this war will probably be over."

"I would hope so," I said. "I keep thinking that at some point it has to end."

"When it ends," Ahmed said, "I'm going to write about it. Write about all of the running, all of the ambushes, all of the great machines and robots deployed against us. How we, as mostly foot soldiers fought for survival until your ship and your GUNDAM came crashing down from the heavens and suddenly gave us a real shot to win. To give us freedom again. How one single ship changed the course of our cause and this war . . . and of course you, the girl who flew the GUNDAM machine that defeated the Tiger."

The thought of being used as an biographical piece felt both flattering and embarrassing, and it made me feel extremely awkward. "Thank you, Ahmed."

It gave me an idea though. "Maybe I'll do the same thing. About my ship's own journey."

"That would be amazing," Ahmed said. "I'd love to read about space, and what you guys did before you came to us . . . and what you people did after you left us."

"Yeah sure," I said. "Now I need to be going. Good luck, Ahmed."

"Good luck to you too, Cagalli." Ahmed held out his right arm, wrapped thickly in a cast, and I lightly shook it, careful to not squeeze too tightly or jerk his arm around. Ahmed, from his flat, semi-loopy tone, was high on painkillers, but if I did anything reckless he sure wouldn't feel that way for long.

Not a single grimace of pain came from his face as we shook hands.


When I returned to the ship, I thought about Ahmed. About how his optimism wasn't broken, and the ambition of what he wanted to do.

It's a hidden, forgotten story in this war. ZAFT didn't provide Waltfeld with the troops or machinery to decisively win the theater, other than the GUNDAMs and that was because of me. And Desert Dawn? When it is a worldwide war, a group like Dawn who isn't officially aligned with the Earth Alliance isn't going to make headlines. Somebody needed to write about them. Tell their story. Tell what they did during this war.

Was that our fate too? We were just one ship, a cutting-edge ship, natch, with a cutting-edge Mobile Suit onboard piloted by perhaps the one Coordinator willing to fight against ZAFT. That was a story. A big story. But compared to massive battles waging around the world and in space, it probably didn't matter a whole lot. A ship was a ship, a Mobile Suit was a Mobile Suit, and me was just . . . me.

And then there was Flay, who was seeming to change more and more, and show a deeper layer by the day.

Flay looked at me. "Now I see what you mean. Why you took responsibility for me even though I'm the one who did so many crazy things. You're looking at it from the big picture, as opposed to just the events by themselves."

"That's right," I said.

Flay chuckled softly. "You're so stubborn."

"I have to be. It's how I stay alive," I replied.

"I'm going to go and sleep forever," Flay said. "I'll just find one of the empty rooms somewhere on the ship."

"You sure you don't want to share a room?" I asked. "There's four beds in my room, but Elle almost always sleeps with me and Miriallia takes the top bunk above me. So that leaves two beds."

Flay shook her head. "I don't think anyone wants me to share a room with them. I'm crazy, remember?"

"Flay-"

"I think I want to be alone right now anyway," Flay said.

"Uh, all right. But let me know if you change your mind."

"I don't think I will. It's best for everybody that I'm alone," Flay said, almost mournfully. "No one's willing to be friends with me or even just say hi. Nobody visited me when I was thrown into the brig. All this shows is that I have no friends anymore. Maybe I never did."

Just when I thought Flay was mentally somewhere close to okay, this always seemed to happen. Self-loathing, strong emotion, a general sense of something being off. She was not okay.

"You shouldn't say that. What-"

"Cagalli, not right now. I just want to be alone." She started walking away, down a random corridor, but suddenly stopped after a few paces.

"You're seriously considering doing what Ahmed talked about, aren't you?" Flay asked. "Writing about our journey?"

"Yeah."

Flay sighed. "I thought so." Then she walked away.

What was that about? I couldn't guess what. Maybe she thought of writing her own account of what happened. But there was no way to know what she actually meant.

All I knew was that the more I got to know Flay, the more mysterious she became.

And as the mystery got deeper, the more I realized I didn't really know Flay at all.

And I still wasn't sure whether I wanted to.