Moon. Sand. Desert. Cold.
Lelouch rose from where he was laying on the ground, realizing his Ashford uniform was caked with dirt. He tried his best to swipe at the dirt, patting himself down and coughing as some of the dust particles got near his face. There was a light wind blowing, which didn't really help matters, so he shielded his eyes as he got his bearings.
Nothing but long, uninterrupted stretches of sand, sand, and more sand. The moonlight helped illuminate some mountains in the distance, regal-looking formations that cut the sky, but nothing else. It was like a sandbox. Lelouch thought of Time Baron's ramblings about the timelines, about Geass, about everything.
Alright. Step back. Where the hell are you and how do you get out of here?
"You don't," a figure said, scaring the shit out of Lelouch. He whipped around to find himself face-to-face with… another Lelouch. This particular Lelouch was a little different – his hair was longer, shaggier, and maybe a little taller than Lelouch was. Thinner, too. Also, this particular Lelouch was wearing an eyepatch with some strange symbols etched across it, but he was wearing it over his right eye, the one that didn't have Geass on it.
"Shit. You read minds. Are you like Mao?"
"No. I'm you," Eyepatch-Lelouch stated, folding his arms as the wind began to kick up
"Yeah, I know, I just like entertaining myself—pffft!" Lelouch said, before spitting out some dirt.
"The most entertainment you can have with yourself without going blind," another familiar voice rang out. Lelouch turned to look at the newcomer, who was getting pelted by the rising wind, and he wasn't surprised to find yet another Lelouch join the fray. This Lelouch had short hair, green eyes, and for some odd reason he was wearing a Purist uniform, the blue-black vest with a singular red wing attached to the collar – this Lelouch was tall enough to practically dwarf Eyepatch-Lelouch.
"How's the weather up there, brother?" Lelouch queried, scratching his chin.
"Windy," Purist-Lelouch stated. "Terrain isn't very good for a battle. Visibility's poor."
"I'd agree with you, but I've lost half of my vision, so," Eyepatch-Lelouch put in.
Lelouch saw movement at his feet. There were some black ants, all organized in a straight line, carrying food and various items on their backs – one of them was even carrying a tiny shred of paper. The three Lelouchs watched these ants for some time, deciding they had nothing else better to do, considering how vast the nighttime desert was.
Eventually, a 4th Lelouch came in, and Lelouch immediately christened him as "Emo Lelouch". Emo-Lelouch had swooping black hair, enough to obscure his eyes with, a form-fitting tank top and skinny jeans outfit, along with a series of tattoos running along his arms – Lelouch saw some Japanese calligraphy here and there. Emo Lelouch's face fell into a sour frown that looked more comical than anything.
"This desert is a metaphor for how empty life is," Emo-Lelouch stated.
"Way to be a buzzkill," Lelouch noted. Eyepatch-Lelouch conjured four soda pops out of midair, and they all began drinking.
"We have to find a way to get out of this desert," Purist Lelouch began strategizing.
"No, dude, it's a metaphor," Eyepatch-Lelouch claimed, chugging his soda.
"How long can you keep that up for?" Lelouch asked, watching in fascination as Eyepatch-Lelouch kept chugging the cola.
"Where's the nearest civilization?" Purist-Lelouch continued, either oblivious or indifferent to his brothers' obliviousness and indifference. "Are there any Knightmares in the immediate vicinity?"
"This cold soda isn't enough to quell the burning contempt I feel for everyone," Emo-Lelouch spat, clutching his soda hard enough to make his knuckles turn white.
"Cry me a river of blood," Eyepatch-Lelouch muttered.
"So which timeline are you from?" Lelouch asked, looking at Eyepatch-Lelouch.
"Eh. The 16th, I think? Iunno. Everything ran pretty smoothly up until… the 2nd Special Zone. The one with Nunnally. I did that trick with the million Zero costumes but then the Knights of the Round legit killed Suzaku and Nunnally. Like, on the spot. Apparently it was some staged assassination of some sort."
"Nunnally died? Dude. I'm so sorry…"
"I got over it after I decided to Geass everyone in the Chinese Federation."
"What'd you do after that?"
"Took over the world. I died by slipping on a banana peel and breaking my neck, though."
Purist-Lelouch started laughing.
"After rescuing Suzaku for the first time – and him promptly telling me to piss off – I realized how fruitless my revolution was, ditto for life in general," Emo-Lelouch began, drawing his hands across his knees and clenching his fists. "So I decided to start an industrial punk band in order to express my feelings about how much I hate my parents."
"Who was in it?" Lelouch asked, curious.
"Rivalz on drums, Milly on piano, Shirley on bass, Nunnally on lead guitar."
"But she's blind?"
"She didn't let that get in the way of her soul for music."
"Did you guys make it big?" Eyepatch-Lelouch asked.
"Yeah. Until I killed them all."
"Why'd you do that?" Lelouch pondered, mystified.
"They were holding me back. So nosy. Lelouch, stop mugging innocent strangers! Lelouch, stop setting our gear on fire! Lelouch, stop caving in Rivalz' skull with an ESP! Lelouch, put that gun down! They tried to get in the way of my freedom like the conformists that they were."
"Have I heard any of your songs, perchance?" Purist-Lelouch.
"Probably. Bleeding In Black, Another Cut, Cutthroat, Russian Roulette, Metaphorical Murder, Can't Decide Bleach and Cya-nide… we had a lot of hits."
"Damn, you're emo."
"In fairness, I haven't set anyone's property on fire. Today."
"What about you, Jeremiah?" Lelouch joked, looking at Purist-Lelouch. "The Lelouch I know wouldn't be caught dead in clothes like those."
"Maybe you should all try joining the Britannian military at some point. The benefits are excellent and they give you a bunch of cool clothes to wear. Why try fighting what can't be stopped?"
"Kind of defeatist, isn't it?"
"What was that about a fetus?"
Suddenly, the Lelouchs were transported out of the desert and into an enormous ballroom. Inside the ballroom were all the people they'd come to know, love, and hate. Suzaku, C.C., Kallen, the Black Knights, various Britannian soldiers, The Imperial Family, some Chinese Federation rebels.
Everyone in the room turned to look at the Lelouchs.
"Hey, Purist-Lelouch, you got this?"
Purist-Lelouch summoned four gatling guns. The Lelouchs proceeded to go to town on everyone in the room, screaming the entire time. They focused most of their hate onto Suzaku, unloading exactly 724 rounds into the boy's body before deciding he was dead. They then proceeded to strafe across the room, forming a neat little arc of bullets. They began chanting Michael Jackson lyrics once the Imperial Family began dying.
Five minutes later, everyone was dead, and Emo-Lelouch was smoking a cigarette.
"Fuck those guys."
"Fuck 'em."
