[Jinx's POV]
Cold. It's cold.
A cold front hit Piltover and temperatures dropped severely. I'm freezing. My hand is holding the rifle so tightly, you'd think it's frozen.
I'm running out of bullets.
I don't even know why I'm worried about this. I don't want to kill anyone else.
But being near a gun makes me lose all self control.
Fuck, I shot Vi. I shot my sister. I didn't mean to do that. She's the last person on this whole God damned planet that I want dead. Fuck, I hope she survived.
"Why did I do that?", I ask – myself or the rifle, I'm not quite sure.
So far, the gun hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if that's a good sign.
They say each pregnancy is different. I guess the same thing goes for psychosis. This is so different from last time. And yet, somehow, it's the same shit all over again. Once again, I find myself hiding from civilization under a bridge. Cold. Dirty. Alone.
I breathe a deep sigh. What am I going to do now?
I killed my therapist. I shot Olivia. I possibly even killed my own sister. If they lock me up this time, I'm not getting out. Ever.
I'd shoot myself, end this odyssey. But shooting yourself with a four foot long rifle is a little hard when you're only 5'2".
Why can't Caitlyn own a normal ass .45 caliber handgun like other cops? And why the fuck did I run when they opened fire on me? Why didn't I just stay right there and let them kill me?
Why, why, why?
Why couldn't I have a father who didn't like fucking his own daughter? Why couldn't I have a mother who wasn't addicted to all the drugs? Why could I just have a normal life, go to high school, fall in love for the first time and have a dramatic coming out only to have everyone accept me for who I am in the end? Why couldn't I have that kind of life where everything ends up having a good ending?
Why, why, why?
I thought I had found happiness. Fuck, I really thought my love to Olivia was going to fix me. I thought I could finish college, recover from my depression, anxiety and get my personality disorders under control, eventually get off my meds, get married and maybe even adopt a kid or two.
But of course, she just had to find out, right? It could have been so good.
I want her back. I want them both back. Olivia and Vi. I want my sister back. And my lover. I want to feel loved again. Feeling loved after all these years where all anyone, including myself, ever felt for me was hatred, felt so good.
"I want them back...", I whisper, letting the cold wind carry my words away.
"Then get them."
I freeze. Oh God, no. Fuck. Shit. No.
It talked. The gun responded to me. Fuck.
I cover my ears.
"You're an inanimate object, you can't talk, you're an inanimate object, you can't talk,y ou're an inanimate object, you can't talk," I repeat over and over again.
"Crazier things have happened," the rife says.
I can hear the voice loud and clear, even though my ears are covered.
"It's all in my head, it's all in my head, it's all in my head," I mutter.
"Of course it's in your head, but why on earth should that mean it's not real? You're lonely and you need a friend, so here I am."
I take my hands off my ears and stare at the gun.
"You're the sheriff's gun, why the fuck would you motivate me to kill them? Or anyone, for that matter?"
"Kill them, you say? That's an interesting interpretation of my words. I never said you should kill them. Maybe that's what you want."
"I love them. I'd never want them dead," I say, but as soon as the words have left my lips, I'm suddenly not so sure anymore.
"Maybe you should pay them a visit at the hospital and then decide what you do."
I nod. With shaky legs, I get up.
The streets are deserted. I guess police gave out a warning – about me.
"Stay in your houses. Keep your windows and doors locked."
Crazy how one person can do that to a city, don't you think?
The closer I get to the hospital, the faster I start walking. By the time I've reached the entrance, I'm running. I hide the rifle behind my back and push the doors open, slowly walking towards the reception.
"Miss, do you need a doctor?", the nurse behind the counter asks, sounding worried.
I reckon I look horrible. I can't remember the last time I've eaten.
"No, I...", I breathe, pulling the rifle out from behind my back and pointing it at her, "I want to know in what room Officer Violet is."
"You have four shots left," the gun whispers into my ear.
The nurse raises her hands in defence.
"I – I think that would be room number 306," she says, with her voice shaking.
"Thanks," I say as I pull the trigger.
"Three shots."
As soon as the shot's gone off, I start running. I don't have time to wait for the elevator, I take the stairs. I hear screams coming from the first floor, but I ignore them. Once I've reached the third floor, I run into the doctor on duty.
"You-", he starts, but I don't give him time to say anything else.
"Two shots," the rifle whispers as he drops dead to my feet.
I kick in the door to room 306.
Three pairs of eyes are staring at me. Olivia is here, too.
"Ohh, it's a party," I say, feeling that crazy grin creeping up on my face.
I could cry and break down, but instead, the smile on my face is growing wider and wider.
To my very surprise, neither of them really react to my being here. Olivia is staring at the floor, Vi – who, to my very delight, is alive – looks like she's about to cry and the expression on Caitlyn's face is just... blank.
"What? Aren't you going to detain me? Scream? Cry? Plead? Boring."
It feels like the person talking isn't me. My voice sounds like it's coming from miles away. I want to tell them I'm sorry. I want to tell Vi and Olivia I love them. But I can't get the words over my lips.
Olivia gets up from her chair.
"It's me you want, right? Take me. Take me now," she says.
Like Caitlyn, the expression on her face is blank.
I lower the rifle.
"I'd never want you dead," I say, sounding more like myself again.
I take a step towards her, cornering her against the wall.
I grab her face and kiss her. She isn't resisting – but she isn't kissing me back either. Her lips don't feel as soft as I remember them. And yet, I wish I could kiss them every day. God, I missed her...
"S-Stay right there," I hear Vi speak.
I turn around to see her pointing a gun at me. It's her duty gun. She rarely ever uses it, usually she lets her gauntlets do all the work.
"Vi...", I breathe, taking a step back.
"I said don't move!", she says.
I hear the gun click as she flicks off the safety.
"Do you really want to shoot me?"
"No," Vi says, a tear making it's way out of her left eye and down her cheek, "But I have to. I'm sorry, Jinx."
Time seems to be frozen. I can see the bullet fly towards me in slow motion. The shot goes straight through my chest. I drop top the floor, feeling life slowly leave my body.
Vi's voice is the last thing I hear before I can finally rest.
"I love you."
- The End -
A/N: ...
So... I don't know where to start. I wanted to wait longer with posting this chapter, but I figured that wouldn't make it any less painful.
This fanfiction meant a lot to me. I would write three or four chapters in one go.
Also, I've never finished a story that was this long. I was bawling my fucking eyes out when I wrote that last chapter.
It's just a story, I really shouldn't be so emotional about it. But I am. I was really fucking sad when I finished it. It felt like a break up for a few days.
A few last words, thoughts or critisism, from you would be greatly appreciated.
I did write a mini-epilogue (~300 words) more for myself, but if you'd like to read it, I'll post it.
Otherwise, this is the end of Start Fresh.
Thanks to all of you who stuck with my version of Jinx 'til the end.
I think I need a while before I can start something new - but I have a Jinx/Lux fanfiction and a Life is Strange fanfiction planned, so look forward to that, if you're interested. :)
