The evening was wonderful. April had indeed woken up while we were playing around outside and though she could only stay awake for small amounts of time, it was a great spiritual boost for everyone to see her smile again. I didn't know her as well as the guys' did, so I said my hellos and then left them alone. April and the Turtles had something special, I realized. Something that had developed over years and from enough near-death experiences to drive a normal person insane. But that didn't matter, because they would always have each other. That's what family is for isn't it? To stand by you when the rest of the world is against you. I thought. My heart suddenly ached for my own family, the one who probably thought I was dead.

Splinter, who had already checked in on April, had come to join me outside in the hallway. He didn't miss the forlorn look on my face and frowned in concern.

"Are you alright, my child?" he asked. I shook myself mentally, putting on a smile to mask the pain inside.

"Yes sensei, I'm fine. Just…thinking." I said. He looked at me thoughtfully, not fooled for a minute.

"Why don't you find them?" he suggested. I looked at him sharply. He nodded slowly, stroking his beard. How had he guessed I was thinking about my family?

"But sensei, what about April? She just woke up and we need to find out what happened to you guys. Besides, people should be with their families during the holidays, not away from them."

"Which is exactly why you should go, my daughter." He said sagely. I looked at him with a new respect. This rat, who could take on four seven-foot ninja turtles and not even break a sweat, was taking care or his five-foot, fifty pound daughter with an attentiveness most fathers only dreamed of having. I simply nodded my head, too overcome with emotion to trust myself to speak. "I shall tell the others where you have gone." He said, pushing me towards the door. "They will understand. Now go!"

On impulse I turned around and threw my arms around his neck, giving him a great big hug. He was surprised at first, but returned the hug fiercely, despite the fact that it was made a bit awkward with my wings in the way. Then I was out of the house and in the air, soaring faster than a car could drive back toward New York City.

I watched my family from the outside of the window, filled with both intense love and unbelievable despair. There was my mother, her hair pulled back in a ponytail the way it had been for the last sixteen years. There was my dad, wearing the flannel I had gotten him a few years ago for Christmas. I saw my little siblings running around inside, playing with toys and laughing. My heart ached.

I should be in there. I thought .

The smell of pumpkin pie wafted outside and filled my nose, just as it had every year of my life during Christmas time. I began crying silently, wanting more than anything to go see my family again. How can anyone expect someone to sit outside and watch their family laugh and sing and know they should be in there with them but can't be? How was I supposed to sit out here and watch my family have Christmas without me? I loved them so fiercely it physically hurt, but here I was, watching them through a frosty window on Christmas Eve. Suddenly, I saw my dad get up from his chair and pick up a present from the Christmas tree. With a jolt I saw it was addressed to me. My family suddenly grew silent, watching Dad with sad eyes. I floated to the ground, making sure to keep to the shadows but wanting to hear what he had to say.

"Even though we are missing part of our family this year" he began, his voice heavy with pain, " I still think we should open every gift under the tree this year. I –" He tried to go on, but couldn't. Even mother, who never cried, was weeping silently next to him. My little siblings bowed their heads, tears and snot running down their little faces shamelessly.

I'm right out here! I thought, biting my lip to make sure I didn't actually scream the words through the window. Please, just come outside! I'm not dead; I'm not gone; I'm not leaving you! I love you so much…please…please just come outside. I love you more than anything…I…

"Even though…she…is no longer with us…" Dad continued. My heart wrenched within me.

He can't even bear to say my name. Oh, daddy… your little girl isn't gone! I promise I'm right out here.Please daddy, I miss you.

"…we will always love her. Austin, will you go put this outside for us? That way Santa will be able to take her present to her."

Austin nodded his four-year old head obediently and reached for the present. He went to the back door and threw it open, throwing an unexpected ray of light onto the back yard, including the part where I was hiding. I froze. I didn't want him to see me, but at the same time I did. I wanted to let him know I was okay, that his big sister was still there for him. But how could I?

He padded out into the snow and carefully set it down in the middle of the yard. He turned to go back inside when suddenly he saw me standing there, my wings outstretched and covered in snow. His eyes widened, but he didn't say anything. I knew I had only seconds before he would overcome his surprise.

"Austin, I love you." I said quickly, my voice thick with emotion. "Tell mommy and daddy and the others that I love them too and that I will be watching over you. I'm so sorry I can't be with you, but it's best this way. Oh, how I love you! Tell mom and dad that their baby girl is home for Christmas."

I couldn't take it anymore. I backed away, tearing my eyes away from his hopeful, disbelieving gaze. I leapt into the air and began to fly away.

"But sissy! Come back! I love you…" I heard his little voice call out to me. A great, wracking sob escaped my throat and I crash landed in a nearby tree in despair. By now Mother and Father had heard Austin's cry and had come out to investigate.

"Honey, what's wrong? Who were you talking to?" Mother asked. Austin turned to her, his face serious.

"I saw Sissy." He said simply. "She was an angel and she talked to me." Mother and Father exchanged alarmed looks. If Austin noticed he didn't say anything. He continued, "She said for me to tell you she loves us and that she'll me watching over us. She said…" he struggled to remember my exact wording. "…she said that your baby girl is home for Christmas."

My parents were shocked beyond words. Kim and Andie, my little sisters, had come out with them but began whining that they were cold. My dad looked my mother straight in the eyes and I could tell something had passed between them, though no words had been spoken. He took all three of my siblings inside, leaving my mother alone outside. I watched her carefully from my spot on the branch, my heart swelling with love for this woman who had raised me. She stared out into the white night, taking no mind of the snowflakes that were covering her blond hair in a fine dust. After a few minutes she spoke into the darkness.

"I don't know if you can hear me or if you're even there but… If you are there, tell my little angel I love her. We all do. Wish her a merry Christmas for me, will you?" She spoke softly, but I caught every word. After a few more moments she turned and went inside, closing the door softly behind her.

"I will, mommy. I will." I whispered.