I recognize that Van Halen's classic "Panama" doesn't suit what happens in this chapter very well, but this is the only opportunity I'll have to name a chapter after the song. So I did.


Chapter Sixty: Panama

"You can't be serious!" I yelled at Rau Le Creuset the next day. "We're going to make another coordinated attack, sir? We've been decimated!"

"We have no choice in the matter," Le Creuset replied. "We have to scrape up what's left and send it to Panama to destroy the Mass Driver there. If we don't strand the Earth Alliance on the planet, we will have no chance at winning the war. PLANT is rushing us as many reinforcements as they can so we can hold our gains on the planet, but it will be some time before they can arrive. We have to destroy the Panama Mass Driver while holding onto our own Mass Drivers in that timeframe."

I understood the military strategy behind it all. It made sense. Le Creuset had a gift of making the unreasonable make sense. But still? How much blood had to be spilled to make ZAFT and PLANT satisfied? We lost ninety percent of our fighting strength in a single blow! We were lucky to fight at all!

"We are lucky, then, that we did not lose any of you to JOSH-A exploding," Le Creuset replied. "The five of you will have to plow the road for the rest of our forces to get within striking distance of the Panama Mass Driver. We have an experimental weapon that should be able to do the job if we can get close enough."

"I understand, sir," Athrun replied softly.

None of us looked happy about going right back into war at all. Only Asta looked like she had fight in her, she was ready to take vengeance. The rest of us just looked tired. I'm sure I did too. I didn't sleep soundly at all the previous night, all I could think about was all of the people that had gotten massacred at both sides, and how I somehow managed to survive. In fact, it was ZAFT orders that had allowed us to witness the explosion and have time to react and get out of the blast radius in time.

Did Rau Le Creuset know somehow that there was a trap? Or did he merely suspect it? If he suspected a trap, why did he merely hold us back and not a significant enough force so we'd be able to do more against the Earth Alliance?

I knew, however, that I could not ask those questions. I didn't want a target on my back. Chairman Zala knew that I was not an ideologue like he was, and that I wasn't as motivated to fight at a lot of other Coordinators. My reasons for fighting with ZAFT were different. If I started getting suspicion that I had Natural sympathies, what would happen to me? Or to Athrun?

So I asked a different question instead. "What is this 'experimental weapon', if you don't mind me asking sir?"

Rau Le Creuset nodded. "Of course. It is called the 'Gungnir'. They emit strong electromagnetic pulses that fry everything within a certain radius. In a sense it is not that dissimilar from that bomb the Earth Alliance hit us with in Alaska. Instead of microwaving the target, though, all the Gungnirs do is prevent electronic devices from working. It is considered strong enough to nullify virtually all EMP shielding within the striking distance, so when it is ready to deploy the five of you will have to get out of there."

It was a detailed and reasonable answer, just like all of Rau Le Creuset's other answers to all of our questions. It was almost like he rehearsed these conversations before we had them. It was eerie.

"So basically what we're doing is clearing landing zones for these 'Gungnir' devices," Athrun replied.

"Yes, that's precisely it. Right now, however, I plan on using you five as a single cohesive force. The Earth Alliance did cluster their forces in Panama, after all, and using your unit in a piecemeal fashion isn't going to work, even though our equipment is superior to theirs."

More questions entered my mind. If this was true, why didn't we just go after Panama to begin with? Why go to JOSH-A? Why attack Alaska? It just seemed like so many people had died over an unnecessary gamble. Then again, at the time, it didn't seem so unreasonable, until it had become clear that the Earth Alliance had prepared some sort of trap for us.

Something just seemed wrong and I didn't know who to go to about it.

"Right now, I want you to deploy with Team Foster, on the edge of our western flank," Le Creuset said. "Once their zone is clear, sweep across the battlefield and clear the other zones one by one in a blitzkrieg fashion, and our DINNs and GINNs will clean up whatever you leave behind. Once your sweep is over, withdraw so you are not affected by the Gungnirs. Even the Justice doesn't have the EMP shielding to withstand the Gungnir when it deploys. Almost nothing does."

"I understand, sir. When are we deploying?" Athrun asked.

"Within the hour," Le Creuset replies. "Freshen up and get in your pilot suits. We're attacking at dawn."

Athrun saluted, and I fell in line and saluted with him. "Yes, sir!"

"You are dismissed. Good luck to you," Le Creuset said.

We walked out of the command center then, but I took one subtle glance behind me while trying to make it look like I was merely turning towards Athrun.

Rau Le Creuset had the slightest smile on his face.

"By the way, Lieutenant Yamato," he suddenly said. "We finally got the FATUM-00 system delivered, it's been modified for atmospheric capability, Lieutenant Yamato. You won't need a GUUL anymore."

I knew there was no way of completely avoiding eye contact. "Oh. Thank you, sir."

"I apologize for the inconvenience. A consequence of rushing the Justice into battle so early, I'm afraid. If the brass had waited a couple more weeks the Justice would've been at full atmospheric capability the entire time."

"I understand. Thank you again, sir," I said, and quickly turned back around. There was something wrong with his voice, an edge subtly hidden under the surface.

I could not shake that smile of his from my mind, nor the thought that Le Creuset had seen me do it.

Something was definitely wrong.

I was becoming scared.

And I didn't know what to do about it.


"I understand what you're saying, Cagalli. But everything the commander says makes sense," Athrun says. "He is right that if we don't take out the Panama Mass Driver the Earth forces will have us on our heels. Then we're going to have to withdraw back into space and destroy the Mass Drivers we have possession of. We have no choice but to try to set things in a stalemate."

"What's going to happen to our Natural allies, then, in Africa and The Oceania Union?" I ask.

"I don't know. I haven't liked what I've heard, though," Athrun said softly, not meeting my gaze.

He knew something. He knew something, and it was horrible.

"What happened, Athrun?" I ask. "Tell me the truth."

"I've . . . I've heard that there's been a lot of skirmishing between ZAFT forces and our African and Oceanic allies," Athrun said. "They are rumors, but . . ."

Rumors or not, the thought made me blanch. We had fired on our own allies? "Why the hell would we do that?"

"I don't know. Probably anti-Natural hardliners wanting revenge for Alaska and they're taking it out on the only Naturals they can find," Athrun said. "But both the African and Oceanic militaries have taken heavy casualties if what I've heard is correct. I am sure the military reason for this will be that Africa and Oceania were plotting to switch sides and betray us, but I have no idea whether that was true or not."

Even if it was true, massacres were still unacceptable. There was no reason for that! Surely there had to be a better way to disarm Africa and Oceania without slaughtering everyone!

"How are we any better than the Naturals if we're lining people up and killing them to a man? Especially our own allies?" I asked.

"I don't know," Athrun replied.

"Is your father doing anything about this? Even excluding all of the humane and ethical perspectives, this is a serious breach in military discipline and if-"

"I said I don't know!" Athrun yelled.

He meant it. I could tell by the look in his eyes.

"I don't know, Cagalli. I just know that right now my father's position is becoming untenable. There's rumors of civil unrest back in the PLANTs. I don't know what he's planning or how he's viewing what's happening. I haven't been in contact with him and right now I don't think I'll be able to until after Panama is over."

"Well, what your father has done is turned the majority of the military that's left into rabid ideologues who are killing everyone in their paths!" I yelled. "And if we really did attack the Africa and Oceania militaries, how are any Naturals ever going to trust us again?"

"They're not," Athrun said softly.

"So what's going to happen? Are we just going to kill each other until there's nobody left, Athrun?"

"I don't know."

"Athrun-"

"I keep telling you, I don't know."

"Athrun, I'm not going to-"

"Cagalli, stop!"

I grabbed him and pulled him in front of my face. "Don't be an ZOINKS and just tell me to shut up! I came to ZAFT and PLANT to help you, Athrun! It wasn't just my damn family I was trying to save when I came here! I chose to come with you because I want this war to be over with! I chose to came here because it was the only way I could think of to stop Blue Cosmos!"

I pulled him right in front me. "Tell me what I'm fighting for, Athrun! What did I sign up for? Did I sign up to fight a war, or did I sign up just to be some kind of executioner?"

He didn't say a word. He just stared at me, in silence, his face contorted into something depressed yet angry. He looked just as lost and confused as I felt.

"You are my friend, Athrun. But if this is true, and we're just killing all of the Naturals, I'm not staying here. The Naturals are not my enemy."

"Cagalli . . ." he whispered softly.

"Responding to genocide with more genocide will not help anyone," I said. "Don't you see that?"

I was beginning to cry at that point. All I wanted was for Athrun just to respond to me. To at least show that what I was saying meant something to him. I didn't even care if he disagreed with me at that point. I just wanted to be acknowledged. If he kept saying nothing at all, I was going to kick his ass and walk away from ZAFT, and take my chances back at home. At least there I'd be back with my family.

At least I'd have a chance of seeing Kira again. Maybe I'd be able to tell him that I was his sister finally.

Here, in ZAFT, it was becoming quite clear that I didn't fit in. I was not comfortable in the culture, and I did not have the sense of feeling I had comrades like I did on the Archangel. I just felt increasingly alone and isolated. I might as well have been surrounded by space aliens or something.

"Why don't you answer me?" I yelled at him.

"I . . . I . . ."

I couldn't take it anymore and tried to punch him in the face. He caught the punch and then his remaining arm wrapped around my own and he brought me in and held me tightly.

"W-What?" was the only thing I could sputter.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to me. "I'm sorry. I . . . I just don't have the answers."

"Then get the answers, you jerk," I muttered into his ear.

We stayed like that for a while, embracing each other in silence.

I wanted to both hit him and kiss him. I couldn't do either one.

In the end, all I did was stay with him in silence.

Maybe there just wasn't anything left to say at all.


I had recovered in time to get changed in the locker room like nothing had happened. It was uncomfortable, though, with Asta glaring at me the whole time. She knew how I felt about all of this. I wondered if she knew about the rumors that Athrun had heard about.

"What?" I finally asked her as I zipped up my uniform and grabbed my helmet.

"Why are you still coming out here? I know you sympathize with the Naturals. They're your best friends, aren't they?"

"I'm a ZAFT soldier and I'm going to do my duty," I replied to her. "That's all I'm going to do."

Asta chuckled. "Don't give me that crap. I know how you really fell."

"My country is Orb, not the Atlantic Federation," I replied. "I have no problems with fighting the Atlantic Federation, Asta. So do me a favor and stop pissing me off."

I tried to walk out of the locker room then, and Asta spoke up. "You stick out like a sore thumb, Cagalli. You don't believe in PLANT. People are starting to notice that. You're not what you've been advertised to be."

I flipped her off. "Do me a favor and shut up."

I slammed the door behind me and walked out into the hangar bay. If Asta wanted to continue the conversation, she was going to have to make a scene. I was willing to have it out here in public if Asta really wanted to keep egging me on. Unlike with Athrun, I wasn't going to let Asta disarm me so easily. If she pissed me off enough to fight her, she'd be lucky to walk afterwards.

But she didn't do a thing at all. I was able to get to the Justice's cockpit unmolested.

I had a feeling Asta and I were going to come to blows soon, though. It was clear our differences were turning into something else, hostility. The two of us were going to be at each other's throats and one of us was going to come out the clear loser in the aftermath, and it would probably be me. Not because I'd necessarily lose any fight we'd had, but because all Asta would have to say was that I was some sort of Earth Alliance sympathizer.

At the time though, I didn't really care. I was angry and frustrated and the last thing I wanted to do was throw myself into the Panama meat grinder at dawn.

But that's what I would up doing. I took off in the Justice and hooked up with the FATUM-00. I immediately recognized a difference between this new FATUM-00 and the one I had used in space. This one felt significantly stronger and I quickly realized it was strong enough for me to maneuver fairly well in the atmosphere. I was just as capable as any GUNDAM on a GUUL, if not more so.

Asta scoffed. "You get all the toys, don't cha?"

"Cut the chatter, Asta,," Athrun said with a sigh.

We charged off with Team Foster towards the western flank of the attack operation then. It was not long before we started getting shot at.

"Everyone, follow the attack pattern. Bombard their defenses and charge through. They don't have anything that's much of a threat to us," Athrun said.

I quickly found stationary targets all over the ground, mainly in the form of artillery. The artillery was already beginning to thin out Team Foster along with a group of amphibious Mobile Suits marching up from under the ocean. We couldn't take casualties for very long, if we did, it would wind up being down to just me and the rest of Athrun's team in short order.

I aimed at as many of the artillery positions as I could and fired using the Fortis cannon.

Multiple explosions greeted me when I got out of the lock-on system, and I realized I had scored direct hits.

The Justice had suddenly become far more lethal, all because of a single piece of equipment.

I landed the Justice just beyond the beachhead, landing in the middle of the jungle. I leaned out and used my beam rifle to take several shots at a gun placement, causing more explosions to erupt in my wake. Athrun landed beside me, crushing a fleeing jeep upon landing beside me, and he finished off the enemy position.

"Good work. We'll be making headway pretty quick I think, Cagalli."

"I hope so," I said.

I marched through the fallen enemy position. Lots of dead on the ground. I looked away. These poor soldiers really didn't stand a chance. There we so many of them but they couldn't fight a GUNDAM at all. They were lambs to the slaughter, even though I wasn't even trying to kill them all I just couldn't help it. The Justice was just so overpowered.

Several Mobile Armors tried to take off in front of Athrun and I, but we both reacted quickly and opened fire. The Mobile Armors went down one by one until they were all destroyed, not a single one able to effectively return fire.

The Duel joined up with us then. "You'd think Panama's defenses would be a lot heavier than this. Is the Earth's main defense force really here, or was it another lie?"

Asta was right, as much as I hated to admit it. The defenses were light. What were they holding back? Did the Earth Alliance know we were coming for JOSH-A the whole time? But how could that be, if JOSH-A was a target picked out at the very last minute? How would they be able to spread a false report that their main force was in Panama?

Missiles shot over our heads, heading somewhere unseen. "Where are those going?" I asked.

"It's a naval bombardment of the Panama HQ," Athrun replied. "I am sure it won't be that effective. Panama has strong anti-missile defenses."

"Then it's wasting ammunition," Asta said.

"It's not if it forces Panama HQ to defend itself instead of bombarding us or coordinating a counter-offensive," Athrun replied.

He changed the subject then. "Dearka, Nicol, what's your status?"

"We're at the target location," Nicol replied. "We're facing heavy resistance."

"All right! Everyone, follow me. Cagalli, don't go airborne until we know what we're up against here."

"Got it," I said. Not like I had any plans to use the FATUM-00 to take off into the air, but I couldn't really blame Athrun for reminding me. A lot of pilots would be tempted to use the FATUM-00 due to the airborne maneuverability it granted.

It wasn't long before we made it to the target site, and I fired several shots with the Lupus beam rifle I had on hand, blowing up several missiles trucks. It turned out that the course Athrun had guided us on allowed us to flank the defensive position that was pinning down Dearka and Nicol. We were effectively bursting from the trees on the Earth forces' right, and they couldn't react in time until they were in total disarray.

Asta took a few potshots at some of the vehicles that had chosen to flee instead of defending the position. "Damn it! Some of them got away!"

"Doesn't matter. The goal isn't to advance that far inland," Athrun replied.

The Buster and Blitz walked up to our position. "All right, that's one position clear. We need to begin our attack run on the other positions. Raid them and then the rest of the force can mop up."

All of a sudden, my radar suddenly erupted. Targets, lots of them, coming from the north.

"I have bogeys!" I shouted. "Heading right for us!"

Suddenly, we were hit by a lot of laser fire, tearing up the ground around us. "Take cover!" Athrun shouted.

I ducked inside the trees but heard Nicol cry out.

"Nicol!" I shouted. I think the rest of us shouted that too.

I spun the Justice around and saw that the Blitz had lost a leg and Nicol was falling over onto his back.

I didn't know who or what was shooting at us, but if I didn't do something Nicol was going to get finished off.

I charged back into the open and blind-fired with the Lupus as I reached the Justice's free hand towards Blitz's free hand and grabbed it.

That's when I saw them.

My heart skipped a beat. I had seen those machines before.

No, I had piloted one of them!

"The Strike?" I asked softly.

No, not just the Strike. Several of them. Four of them were turning their guns on me!

I frantically opened fire with the beam rifle, blasting two of the Strike-like Mobile Suits in the chests as I dragged Nicol into the jungle. The surviving pair returned fire, and I felt several impacts shake the Justice as I made it behind cover.

The Phase Shift had managed to hold, but I seemed to have suffered structural damage. Nothing that would inhibit the Justice but I wasn't going to be able to take that much abuse again.

"Who the hell are these guys?!" Dearka shouted. "Did they somehow clone the Strike?"

Explosions erupted by me, and I saw the Duel re-appear by me. Asta had taken out the surviving two Mobile Suits. "[i[No. They are [/i]not the Strike. They're going down too easily."

"Nicol, are you all right?" Athrun yelled.

"I-I think I'm out of action, the Blitz is down a leg," Nicol said.

"That's good," Athrun said, relief audible in his tone. It took me a moment to remember that Athrun and Nicol were best friends. Of course Athrun would be worried over Nicol. "Dearka, get Nicol out of here. We'll pick up the Blitz's leg if it's still intact later."

"You got it, just keep these guys off my back long enough to make it happen," Dearka replied.

My radar beeped again. "There's more of them, incoming!"

"Damn it," Athrun growled. "Looks like the Earth Alliance finally got Mobile Suits of their own. This isn't going to be as easy as we thought."

Another detachment landed right by where we were hiding in the jungle. Dearka still hadn't picked Nicol up yet and these fake Strikes were clearly looking for us.

It was either they were going to hunt us down or the remaining four of us were going to have to achieve a lucky ambush and somehow destroy them all before we got hit.

I aimed my beam rifle and waited.

And then wound up looking at one of the fake Strikes right in the face.

I pulled the trigger.


Next chapter: Finally, some mecha-on-mecha action, not seen since the Archangel days. And other things.