This is the final chapter of Part Three. All chapters after this one will be part of Part Four. Like the previous three parts, Part Four will be housed in the same fic.


Chapter Sixty-Seven: Futures

The GUNDAMs had been transported back to Orb, and I had followed. The Earth Alliance was continuing to remain passive. I wasn't sure what they were waiting for, maybe they had taken more losses than anticipated. Maybe it was because the Strike Alter and the Raider had taken quite a bit of damage, and they needed repairs before being sortied. If that was the case, that said a lot about the Earth Alliance's strategy. They weren't willing to make an attack without the four new GUNDAMs under their command.

Orb was putting up a fight. That much was obvious. But judging by all of the empty space in the hangars, quite a few Astrays had been shot down. It was only a matter of time before Orb was worn down and defeated. Even if Athrun and his meager, if elite, reinforcements did opt to help Orb, superior numbers would win out. Sure, the Earth Alliance would take a staggering amount of casualties in the process, but considering how the enemy's strategy seemed to involve frontal assaults, I wasn't sure the Alliance cared anymore.

This was different than how the Alliance fought when I was on the Archangel. Something had changed. Someone else was in command. Someone who didn't much care who died as long as he got victory.

He would get his victory, but there would be enough bloodshed to drown all of Orb and the Earth Alliance's military in order to get it.

Athrun looked around. There weren't just military personnel here, but civilians who hadn't gotten out in time, and many of them were lying around, injured or dead, waiting to be flown out. It was clearly affecting him, and it was taking everything I had to keep my focus and not stare at all of the crying, hobbling civilians.

I wondered if any of them had been from that convoy that the Raider had blasted while trying to hit me. Was I at fault, or was it the Raider's fault? Not to mention the Strike Alter and I had done some fighting near that convoy. Joan definitely wasn't trying to hit the convoy, but who says some stray shot didn't hit them? And the less said about Shani zapping the area trying to kill me, the better.

Athrun finally said "Why are they singling Orb out? Why indiscriminately attack this country? Orb was neutral."

"They're staying neutral too. Kira told me that ZAFT's been making overtures and Orb's been refusing their offers of assistance," I replied.

Athrun looked at me in surprise. "If they don't make an alliance with ZAFT Orb will be finished! Look at what's happening to these people already!"

"I think they aren't making the alliance because they don't want anything to do with their father. They'd rather die with their principles intact than become beholden to PLANT," I replied.

"I'm not sure the civilians agree," Athrun said, looking at a group of them huddled in a corner, waiting for their turn to board an emergency shuttle that would take them out of Onogoro.

Athrun had a point. "I guess depending on your point of view all sides are being unreasonable here," I said. "But Orb's way involves staying true to themselves and trying to protect these civilians. Neither the Earth Alliance or PLANT are doing that anymore. All they care about is complete extermination."

I knew Athrun didn't want to agree with me. He wanted to believe his father still meant well. But he hadn't seen what I had seen, and he had to have known what his father had ordered. His own father was responsible for the death of Lacus Clyne as he had ordered those guards to shoot Lacus and me.

I pivoted the conversation, before Athrun started navel-gazing again, which, not to insult him, he had a tendency to do. "Athrun, what do you plan on doing now?"

"What do you mean?" Athrun asked.

"What's your reason for being here now? You've sided with Siegel Clyne, in order to protect your fiancé and me, but . . . but Lacus is dead, and . . ."

What I was trying to say wasn't coming out right. I knew what I wanted to say, but the words just weren't forming together the way they should have. It was like the idea sounded better in my head than it did out loud.

"You're asking if there's any reason for me to continue fighting and not go back to my father?" Athrun asked.

"Yes," I said. "That's . . . pretty much it."

Athrun's green eyes stared right into mine. "Cagalli, I'm not fighting against you again. If you're throwing your lot in with Siegel Clyne, I will too. Anyway, this is what Lacus would want me to do."

I could tell by the slight grimace on his face that Lacus being dead was only starting to hit him. It wasn't hitting full force yet. How could it? It's not like she died personally in front of him. Knowing it had happened was a big shock and sometimes for people it takes longer for it to sink in.

"Lacus' death is my fault," I said. "I don't know if there was any recording or video made of her death, but . . . I tried to bluff my way out of the situation-"

"I saw," Athrun said softly. "I knew what you were trying to do."

Well, that settled how much Athrun knew and saw of the showdown against Patrick Zala's guards.

"A-Athrun . . . I just . . . I don't know what to say . . ."

"Cagalli, right now, if you're trying to apologize for what happened to Lacus, just don't. It's something I need to wrap my mind around for a while," Athrun replied.

There was a harshness underneath his tone that he probably didn't intend to let out, but I heard it. "I get it, Athrun. I really do."

Whether Athrun was mad or me or not didn't really matter in that moment. I just knew I needed to give him some space. In any case, I was looking for certain people anyway.

"Athrun, I'm . . . I'm going to try to find the Archangel and its crew, and figure out what happened to my family. I need to know whether they managed to get out of Onogoro. I'll leave you alone for a little while."

Athrun grabbed my arm as I turned to walk away. "Cagalli, I'm not-"

"Athrun, right now, what you need is space," I said as I looked into his eyes. "And the person who screwed up and got her killed is right in front of you. I don't blame you if you're angry at me. I'm angry at myself. I considered Lacus a friend too."

"Just because Lacus died doesn't mean you're not my friend, Cagalli," Athrun said. "And it doesn't mean that right now I want to know why both sides in this war have taken an extremist stance that will only get everyone killed."

Those words were small comfort to me. "Athrun, I know you blame me for Lacus' death."

Athrun's eyes widened. "Cagalli, that's not true, I-"

I could see it on his face. Maybe he himself didn't believe it, or didn't want to believe it, but it was there, lurking under the surface.

"And that's okay. It was my fault. I keep rethinking what else I could've done over and over again, to figure out if there was anything I could have done to keep Lacus alive. And the worst part is, I can't figure out a way."

My eyes were hurting and I knew what that meant. I had only met Lacus a few times but she had already become a close friend to me. That spoke to her charisma and her empathy. Losing this girl was going to be a staggering blow to the world in some way, and we were going to find out what the consequences were later.

I was not going to cry in front of Athrun. All that would do was just make everything worse for the both of us.

"Cagalli . . ."

Athrun was doing his 'Cagalli . . .' thing again and that just pissed me off. "So how about the both of us just think about what we're doing right now, and what we truly believe in! Athrun, I know you still care about your father in there!"

Athrun's eyes widened. "W-What?"

"You've made it clear that the only reason why you're here is because of Lacus and me! But Lacus is dead and I am the one who got her killed! So what reason do you have to be here anymore?"

I was on the verge of basically ripping Athrun's head off and I didn't care. "So right now, I'm going to leave you alone! Talk to your friends or something, figure out what you want to do! Do you really believe in the causes that I fight for? Are you going to forgive me for Lacus' death? Make up your mind on these things and figure out what it is you want to do! If you can figure it out, then you'll either be fighting with me or you'll be on your way back to Carpentaria!"

I turned around and made sure to walk quickly enough so Athrun couldn't just grab my arm again. "Tell me when you've made up your mind!"

I made sure to vanish in the crowd and made myself get lost by darting around several corners so I could lose Athrun. When I was sure I did, I took a deep breath, and forced myself to re-center.

Although, doing that meant a couple of tears spilled from my eyes.

And it wasn't just for Lacus.

It was for Athrun, too.


I wandered around for a while, trying to find the Archangel, before discovering that it had never returned to port. It was still out on patrol out there. That meant that my reunion with Badgiruel, Sai, Miriallia, and everyone else wasn't going to happen just yet.

I still hadn't had a formal reintroduction to Flay and Mu La Flaga either. It seemed everyone was back out at the front lines besides me. I wanted to go back out there myself, but clearly Orb was wondering what to do with me, especially since I was in a bit of an odd position. I've fought for all three sides in this war now, but I was still officially a ZAFT officer unless Patrick Zala had me dishonorably discharged over the last few days.

Technically, I had defected. I was sure there was some sort of paperwork to be filled out. Honestly, I wasn't sure why would anyone care about paperwork or formalities at this point, but who was I to ask why?

So what did I need to do? Head back towards Athrun and his group since they were in the same boat I was? Try to get back in contact with Kira? How would I even get close to Kira, though, since I was a ZAFT officer? It was a fluke that had allowed him to get close to me the first time. The moment they could, the Orb soldiers had shuffled Kira away from me and Athrun, and I hadn't a moment to even say anything that I wanted to say to him.

This wasn't fair!

Suddenly, the sound of a vehicle roaring caught my attention.

"Look out!"

"What the hell!"

I spun towards the vehicle entrance into this place and I saw a car come tearing through the door, spinning out of control until it crashed into a couple of boxes and came to a rest literally ten feet away from me.

Several of the soldiers raised their weapons but their superior raised his hand instead. "Hold your fire! Hold your fire! Weapons are not free!"

I ran up besides a couple of the soldiers, their rifles aimed on the car. The windows seemed to be tinted, and I saw there were dents all over the car, like it had hit about fifty things on its way here. Judging by how there had been a grinding sound as it spun out something told me an axle was dislocated and dragging on the ground too.

I was wearing a ZAFT uniform still. The soldiers had to be informed of my presence, but if I drew my own pistol, that would just get their attention focused on me.

I suddenly heard thumps emanate from the door, and then the door busted open, and I saw a very scared little girl with violet eyes and brown hair at the driver's seat, looking bruised and scratched. Frightingly, she almost reminded me of Kira.

"P-Please . . . my brother . . . somebody help my brother!" she yelled, tears in her eyes.

Perhaps realizing every single soldier in this facility had their guns aimed at her, the girl held them up, trembling in fear. "P-Please . . . my brother . . . his arm's gone . . . he's going into shock . . . please help . . ."

The soldiers still weren't moving. They still had their guns aimed at the car and at the girl, clearly thinking something was fishy.

I had that same feeling too, but if the girl was telling the truth, then her brother was going to die while we were all staring at her.

I don't know why I was the one who moved first, but maybe it was because her eyes and hair were identical to Kira's, and if I didn't move to help her, maybe it was like abandoning Kira too.

I ran forward, my hand close to my pistol in case I needed to draw it. I leaned in, looking past the girl, and I saw a dark-haired boy a couple of years older than her, leaning against a cracked window, his right forearm clearly blown off, and a strong smell of blood in the car.

The girl was telling the truth.

"Out of the car!" I ordered the girl. "I'll get him out!"

"What do you think you're doing?" shouted one of the soldiers.

"There's no bomb threat!" I shouted. "Let me get the boy out of here! He needs emergency medical attention! Get some medics over here!"

I looked back at the girl, who still hadn't moved, and her tearful eyes were staring at me in fright.

"Y-You're ZAFT . . ."

"I am not ZAFT, not anymore," I said. "I'm originally from Orb and I just defected back. Now please get out of the car. I'll get your brother out!"

I didn't wait for her to respond. I ran around to the other side of the car and forced the door open, and the boy nearly fell right into my arms.

He was in clearly bad shape. Looked like something had blown up right by him. He was lucky that he had only lost his right forearm.

I pulled him out of the car. "I need a medic over here! Somebody get me a medic, now!"

Finally, everyone began to move.

And I had finally helped to save a life instead of taking them.


"M-My name's Mayu Asuka," the girl said softly as we waited by the crowded emergency room. The evacuations were continuous and once her brother was stable they were going to evacuate too. Every civilian in Onogoro was being taken off the island.

"Nice to meet you, Mayu," I said gently. My left arm was wrapped around her, making sure she felt comforted and protected while we were waiting. "My name's Cagalli. Cagalli Yamato."

"N-Nice to meet you, too." Mayu was shaking, and I could tell she wanted to cry, but she was forcing herself to hold it all in. "M-My brother's name is Shinn."

"Thanks," I said.

I wanted to ask Mayu what happened, but that was the wrong question to ask in this situation. So I asked her something else. "So . . . you managed to figure out how to drive well enough to make it here. That's a good thing, right?"

"I-I think I hit half the city trying to make it here," Mayu said. "I just . . . Shinn . . . protected me . . . I didn't want him to die too . . ."

I let her cry then. I could piece the story together from there. Obviously something blew up by her family, Shinn protected her but got his arm blown off, and everyone else was dead. Mayu managed to summon the wherewithal to get Shinn into a car and Mayu learned how to drive on the fly in order to get Shinn to the base where he could have medical help.

It made sense. It also made her a brave girl.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"They should be sorry," Mayu sobbed softly.

'They'. I did not like the sound of that. "What do you mean by 'they'?"

"Those machines . . . they . . . they took the fighting right where we were trying to run . . . everything blew up . . . everything . . ."

"What machines?" I asked.

"I . . . I remember . . . two of them . . . they looked kind of alike . . . one was all dark, and the other was white and blue, and . . ."

I immediately knew what Mayu was referring to. The Freedom and the Strike Alter. Me and Joan. It was ourfighting that led to this.

I tried to keep from shaking. It could have me or it could have been Joan. It didn't matter. It could have been either one of us who had done it, but it was my fault more than anyone else's because I had put myself between the Strike Alter and, unknowingly, Mayu and her family. I had let the Strike Alter and the Raider take shots at me, with them passing me by and hitting the refugees.

Before Mayu had any chance to realize what my shaking meant, a nurse came out of the room. "Mayu Asuka?"

"Yes, that's me!" Mayu tore herself away from me and ran up towards the nurse. "How's Shinn? Please tell me he's gonna be okay!"

"He'll survive. We stopped the bleeding. He's going to need a prosthetic arm for the rest of his life, however," the nurse replied.

"That doesn't matter! What matters is he's alive!" Mayu tried to tear past the nurse, but the nurse grabbed her shoulder before she could head into the room. "Shinn! Shinn! Can you hear me? Shinn!"

"He's still under anesthesia and morphine, he can't hear you," the nurse said.

"Oh." Mayu froze then, and then she looked down. "Okay."

The nurse put her hands on both of Mayu's shoulders. "Shinn is stable now, but you both need to get out of here. This is a warzone. We'll be evacuating Shinn out by helicopter, and you'll join him. Please wait here until we can find people who can take Shinn out of here safely."

"O-Okay," Mayu said softly.

The nurse went back into the room then, leaving Mayu standing by the open door where her brother was lying down. I stared at her, I admit that I did. As Mayu turned and smiled at me, tears of joy streaming down her face, clearly over her brother's survival, I wondered what Mayu would think of me if she knew I was one of the pilots who had fought right by where her family was fleeing.

"Thank you, Cagalli," Mayu said again. "T-Thank you, for everything. I'm not sure what I could've done without you helping me. I've . . . I've lost everyone else, I can't lose Shinn too."

"You're welcome," I said. I couldn't meet her gaze then. What happened to Shinn was my fault, after all. Why was she thanking me? If she knew the truth, she wouldn't be thanking me at all.

"Anyway, I gotta get back on duty," I said to Mayu. "I'm hoping I've been cleared to go back into battle by now. I'm going to defend Orb."

"T-That's good," Mayu said. "Maybe with you out there . . . we'll be okay."

"I hope so," I replied.

I knew I was going to risk everything by asking Mayu this, but I had to know what was underneath her exterior. What she was going to do. What she'd do if she ever found out that I was directly or indirectly responsible.

"Mayu . . . if you ever found out who did this to you, to your family, what would you do?"

Mayu's eyes widened, for a second, and I almost felt relief, at seeing her vulnerability for just a moment.

But then her eyes hardened, and her innocence was no longer there. Her voice was strong in spite of her tears attempting to choke her voice. "I'll kill them. I'll kill them for what they did to my parents . . . and to Shinn. I'll-I'll kill both of them."

I looked at her, sizing her up. Her hands were clenched into fists, her jaw had straightened and become firmer, and her entire body was trembling, not with fear, but anger. The little girl was full of a kind of hate that someone her age should never have. Revenge was clearly on her mind, and I wasn't sure if she was the type who had her anger burn out over time or whether it festered in her like a disease before it completely took her over.

The anger quickly faded, and Mayu looked normal again, and she looked away from me. "Why are you asking?"

"Revenge doesn't get you anywhere, Mayu," I said. "Trust me, I know this from personal experience. It goes into part of the reason why I joined ZAFT and am wearing this uniform."

It hurt to think about Tolle still, and how he was used to try to kill me too. But trying to get revenge on Blue Cosmos only got me to fight for a side I truly did not believe in, a side that had proved itself to me was no better than the Earth Alliance, possibly even worse.

The massacre in Panama played out in my mind again, a massacre caused by ZAFT soldiers wanting to take revenge for Alaska. It was cruel, callous, unethical, and all it did was make the Earth Alliance even more fanatical. Just like the Earth Alliance massacring ZAFT at Alaska. It was endless carnage, taken past the point of no return. It seemed all either side wanted to do was keep pushing things just to see what would happen next.

Mayu's face scrunched in confusion, but before she could reply the doctors emerged from the room, pushing Shinn.

"Shinn!" Mayu cried and she ran to her brother's side.

I knew I hadn't gotten through to her, but I hoped I at least had given her something to think about. "Please be careful, Mayu."

But my words fell on deaf ears. Mayu's attention was solely on Shinn now, and I could have meant as much as a mosquito to her by the way I was being ignored.

I watched them go, vanish into the crowd, heading towards whatever would evacuate them. I was left to wonder what would happen in my future, in Mayu's future. What would happen if she ever found out that I had played a role in what had happened to her family?

The war would never end. I would be watching my back for the rest of my life, waiting for Mayu to grow up and then make her move.

Perhaps it was for the best that the conversation hadn't continued. If it had, Mayu could have realized who I was, and what I had done, or had allowed to happen, depending on who had killed her parents.

This way, she would eventually forget about me, and hopefully the anger in her would eventually go away and not become hatred.

At least she still had her brother. She hadn't lost everyone.

I left then, and went back towards where Athrun and the others were stationed. That was enough wandering and enough soul-searching. It was time a plan was made, and for me to begin speaking to Athrun again. He was my friend, and I couldn't keep pushing him away. Otherwise, the two of us would never get over ourselves or Lacus' death.

So I began walking, towards another hour, another day, another battle.

Not knowing that I was about to begin a fight for the future.

Not just my future, or Athurn's, or Orb's.

A future period.

It was a battle I was not ready for, and I was going to find that out the hard way . . .

PART 3: BELIEVE FINIS


You just got a sneak peek at the protagonist for the sequel to Gundam SEED: Bloodlines if I chose to write one. I will be reusing my name for a Gundam SEED deadfic I wrote, Gundam SEED: Kismet, for this theoretical sequel. Of course, what this means for Cagalli remains to be seen.

Only one part left in this fic, and it will be a doozy.

Music theme list for Part Three:

"River" is a song by Tatuya Ishii, and was used as the second ending theme song for Gundam SEED.

"Hurt" is a song by Nine Inch Nails, more famously covered by Johnny Cash.

"Hopeless " is a song by Breaking Benjamin.

"Turning Into You" is a song by The Offspring.

"Welcome to the Masquerade" is a song & album by Thousand Foot Krutch.

"You Are A Tourist" is a song by Death Cab for Cutie.

"Clarity" is a song by ZEDD feat. Foxes.

"Sooner or Later" is a song by Breaking Benjamin.

"The Liberation of Gracemeria" is a song by Keiki Kobayashi for the video game Ace Combat 6: Fires of Liberation.

"Coming Down" is a song by Five Finger Death Punch.

"The Inferno" is a song by Keiki Kobayashi for the video game Ace Combat ZERO: The Belkan War.

"Panama" is a song by Van Halen.

"War Pigs" is a song by Black Sabbath.

"Numb" is a song by Linkin Park.

"Straight Out of Line" is a song by Godsmack.

"Anthem of the Angels" is a song by Breaking Benjamin.

"Self-Starter" is a song by Anberlin.

"Unreconciled" is a song by Martin O'Donnell and Martin Salvatori for the video game Halo Reach.

And "Futures" is a song & album by Jimmy Eat World.