This story is curtain-fire shooting story.
Girls are doing their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.
The titan's shadow blankets all. Fear the fat man in both its forms.

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FANTASY OF UTTER RIDICULOUSNESS

By: Curtis Wildcat

Megas XLR and the Touhou Project are the properties of their respective owners and copyright holders.

Comments and constructive criticism are welcome, but flames are better off restricted to the barbecue grill. I like my cheeseburgers medium-well, not well-done.

If you have any questions about things you see here, bring 'em up at Wildcat's Corner; just be sure that you read the "Insight Into the Mind" thread first. The forum link's in my profile.

Now then, why am I going back to this story again, ignoring my better judgment? Think about it. Aside from the requests I've received to continue this in some manner, we've had the following:

No. 1: A textbook Touhou stage, littered with fairies and complete with a boss at the end.

No. 2: A conflict brought upon our protagonists by a misunderstanding.

No. 3: A miniscule plot which serves only to set up the showdown.

No. 4: Multiple endings, with "all's well that ends well, sort of" being the Good Ending.

No. 5: A title with a spiffy little acronym. It makes sense when you consider what it would mean if Megas stuck around in Gensokyo long enough. Think about it.

No. 6: Awesome music.

There's only one important facet missing, and given further consideration I feel it's the only way I'd be able to top the main story. Hope you have something or five to snack on, because this will take a while: unlike the previous hour-long special, we've got ourselves a full-length film.

...

...

Extra Stage - Fire Flower

Flora Girl, Flora Girl. Likes all the things that the flora will. What's she like? It's not important. Flora Girl.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

It dwarfed everything. There was already a minimal amount of light in the library, but the behemoth reduced that illumination to almost nil. It rampaged everywhere, grabbing whatever it could with no regard to the property damage it was causing.

The maids were panicking somewhere in the background, and several of them- - -the Blasted Fairy among them- - -had passed out from fear. Sakuya was pinned to a wall with her own knives, leaving her to glower up at the impressive shadow. Meiling was lodged through the middle of a bookshelf, growling angrily as she tried to pull herself out. The swirly-eyed Remilia and Flandre were stuck in the library's ceiling far above, blasted there after the latter's Laevatein Spell Card met its superior.

Patchouli was still fighting, throwing everything hard-hitting in her arsenal at it: Water Elf, Philosopher's Stone, Silent Silene, Royal Flare... but to no avail. If it couldn't dodge out of the way, it raised the sack it was carrying for use as a shield. Either way, nothing touched it.

Her energy spent, Patchouli sunk to the ground. Feeling both angered and grieved, she gritted her teeth and silently cursed the creature's name to the unseen skies above. There was nothing else she could do.

The behemoth didn't miss those signs of exhaustion, and it spoke for the first time since the fight had began. It sounded honestly confused, wondering what was wrong with her and not understanding the situation...

...And as the words exited its mouth, the face became fully visible.

"I'm just borrowing, ze. What's the fuss about?"

/-/-/-/-/

Patchouli awoke with a start, slamming both hands on her desk and yelling a single rage-filled name: "KIII-RIII-SAAA-MEEEEEE!"

A startled shriek and the repeated thumps of something hitting the floor nearby bade Patchouli to quickly turn in that direction, anger in those purple eyes. She forced herself to calm down when she realized that the sudden scream had unnerved Koakuma, who rushed over to check on her. "Miss Patchouli! What's the matter? What is it?"

As her brain and lungs settled out of Emergency Mode, Patchouli let her arms hang limp. "Just... a dream," she said softly. "That's all it was. Just a dream..." She looked at the sealed jar of medicine on her desk. "The rabbit wasn't kidding when she said that this could influence my dreams, was she?..."

First the ones where I was trapped in Jersey City against my will, and now this. Is gaining control of my health really worth these sorts of nightmares?

Koakuma fidgeted, unsure. "Do you need anything from me? Should I get some water for you?"

Patchouli frowned as she pondered her assistant's request. "It's getting near that time of the month, isn't it?"

A pause as Koakuma tried to remember what this meant... then a realization dawned. "Oh! That's when the jolly fat man drops down the chimney and shares his love of pizza-wrapped hams with the neighbors!"

Face. Palm. "You're getting Santa Claus mixed up with Coop," Patchouli muttered, grimacing as she thought of the man. Her perception of time wasn't the greatest, so she couldn't tell how long it had been since he and his friends showed up, upsetting Gensokyo's reality. She never wanted to see any of them again, least of all Coop, and most importantly she didn't want to be anywhere near Megas when it went on a rampage.

...Although, the skinnier human was nicer than I expected him to be...

/-/

"Koakuma, why did you slap him?"

"Patchouli, didn't you understand what he was doing? He was trying to hit on you!"

"...But he wasn't trying to hurt me. He never raised his hands at all."

"Not 'hit you'. 'Hit on you'."

"Again, he wasn't attacking me. We were just having a nice conversation before you came along. ...And I still don't understand why Remi thought it was funny."

"Patchouli, I don't mean 'hit you' as in 'violence'. I mean 'hit on you'. You don't know what he's like, and what he does. From what I've seen, he's just a lazy good-for-nothing reject!"

"I'll have you know that he works as a farm hand. I heard the words right out of his mouth."

"Are you serious?"

"When have I ever not been serious?"

"So... a farm hand, huh?"

"Yes. He was explaining to me that he was having trouble keeping all the chicks away from him. I told him I had no experience with fowl, but he seemed so dejected. How could chickens possibly be difficult to deal with?"

"...Patchouli?"

"Yes, Koakuma?"

"Am I overstepping my bounds if I say: 'Lie down before you hurt yourself'?"

/-/

Come to think of it, Koakuma never did clarify what 'hit on you' was supposed to mean...

Speaking of her assistant, Patchouli realized that she'd been ignoring her as her memory had wandered. She returned her attention in that direction. "...said that she didn't want them back," Koakuma was saying with a frown. "Do you think they'd get back in anyway?"

"Extreme magic would have to happen before anything that dire transpired," Patchouli uttered. "The barrier's architect knew what she was doing. Nothing short of Yukari herself will permit them to go past, and for that we can all be thankful."

"A shame," Koakuma said none-too-sadly. "I wanted to see what a pizza-wrapped ham tasted like. ...And pizza itself, for that matter."

"From what they described, it's not the sort of food we should be eating," Patchouli reprimanded her. Distantly, she could hear the bells in the clock tower signalling the hour. Late evening...

"You look troubled, Patchouli," Koakuma stated concernedly. "Is something wrong?"

...I do? I thought I was doing a better job of hiding that. "You don't need to inquire, Koakuma. I don't see how it's any of your business."

"Assisting you is my business," Koakuma returned, some heat in her voice. "How am I supposed to be a good familiar if I don't look out for you? Come on, we've been over this at least a hundred times!"

As they spoke, Patchouli flew to the pile of dropped books and grabbed one of them, an enchantment already placed on it to make it feel lighter in her hands. "And I will tell you the same thing I've told you at least a hundred times. Whenever you get involved in my business, the situation takes a nose dive off the nearest cliff."

Koakuma huffed and folded her arms indignantly. "Since when? Name one instance where I wasn't looking out for you."

For her reply, Patchouli opened a desk drawer and withdrew a roll of parchment. She didn't open it, but instead held it in Koakuma's direction, one eyebrow raised.

"...Oh, come on! That many?"

Patchouli put the scroll away. "Koakuma, for all that you're a good assistant, you're still a fun-loving trickster at heart."

"Bah. You like me, and you know it."

A resigned sigh. ...Which would be true, yes, but... "Fine, then. To answer your question, I've been considering paying a visit to the Forest of Magic."

"At this time of night?" Koakuma's head tilted sideways a fraction as she made her inquiry. "I mean, it makes sense, but wouldn't daylight at least make it easier to find what you wanted?"

"In most cases, yes. However, the late evening hours- - -before midnight, but after sunset- - -make it the most optimal time for a raid. And it means I won't be suffering sunlight."

It took a few more moments before things finally clicked in Koakuma's head. "You're... going after our monochromatic thief?"

Patchouli brandished a set of Spell Cards while she spoke, selecting some and putting the rest away. "Her aid to Gensokyo is an invaluable asset. Her incessant burglaries are not. If she will not return what is mine, or at the very least give them back within a specific time frame, then I shall reclaim them by force."

"...three thousand seven hundred and twenty to one- - -"

"There's no point in talking if you can't make yourself heard. What are you saying, Koakuma?"

Koakuma shook her head, hands held up placatingly. "Nothing, never mind. It's not important."

Patchouli gave her a strange look, but accepted what she said and turned away. Taking a deep breath and mentally preparing herself for this excursion, she lifted off and flew away towards the library doors. She wasted little time in leaving the Mansion, stopping only to have Sakuya deliver a message to Remilia that she would be unavailable for the rest of the night.

...Blast it, Koakuma, now you've got me craving those hams. Note to self: no special requests from the kitchen for the next week.

/-/-/-/-/

In an unknown location, concealed by a combination of heights, distance, clouds and the night, a magnificent gate stood closed. Beyond it was the long-lasting flight of stairs that ultimately led to Yuyuko Saigyouji's domain.

It would have been a real trick for anyone living to gain permission to enter. Likewise it would take an imaginary trick for anyone, period, to be allowed to leave.

"YEEEAHHHHH, HA-HA!"

The giant robot car that roared over the gate and descended towards the realm of the living, scattering any and all fairies that had been in its flight path, was so anomalous that it rose beyond such things as fact and fiction. In complete defiance of the Hakurei line and Yukari's countermeasures, Megas and its crew were back in Gensokyo.

At the top of the flight of stairs, a battered-looking Youmu stood and stared down at where Megas had gone. Her mind was completely filled with confusion and dread at what had just happened and how. From what she had heard before, the machine had caused a wealth of damage to the Forest of Magic and the surrounding area; sure, they had mostly recovered by now, but letting such a thing return to torment the living ate at her being. Those people had no right to show up like that and then leave just like that! Gensokyo is in danger again, and I was powerless to do anything about it! That clinches it. I have to work on modifying my combat style so that it can have some level of effectiveness against beings much larger than I am. I will not let Yuyuko-sama down again!

A sniff and a sad whimper got Youmu's attention, and she turned around to see what the matter was. Yuyuko was hovering just a few centimeters off the ground, lips quivering and her eyes filled to the brim with tears; somewhere behind her were a great number of smoldering and broken sakura branches. "Yuyuko-sama?" Youmu questioned, unsure how to comfort her in the wake of what had just happened.

The voice came out as a whine. "Youmu..."

"Yes? Yuyuko-sama, what is wrong?"

"...you absolutely have to try this," Yuyuko finished, holding out a paper bucket filled with a pinkish-white substance of some kind; Youmu noted that some of it had already been eaten. "This bubblegum ice cream they gave me is so good, it's to die for!"

"..."

Lacking anything to say in reply, Youmu was left with no recourse but to roll her eyes skyward and sigh in exasparation. Of course...

/-/-/-/-/

A half hour's worth of time later found Megas parked outside Eientei's front entrance. The machine was silent for now, and various rabbits- - -both youkai and not- - -were clustered around its feet, investigating it curiously.

Inside one of Eientei's long halls, Eirin quietly watched as Tewi guided the trio of humans out of the building, their voices echoing back to her. She looked around until she was sure that no one was watching, then pulled out a fan and waved it before her face for a bit. Whew... that was as severe a test as any I've ever offered. I've met my share of dense people, but I don't know how those two haven't managed to die by stupidity just yet.

At least Andru-san got the hint and steered them out of here before the princess made her appearance. I don't believe she'd really do it, but the mental image of Kaguya marrying that kind of person isn't a pretty one.

Behind her, a door slid open; Eirin quickly put the fan away before her favorite rabbit noticed it. Sure enough, it was Reisen who spoke: "Alright, everything's in the other room. Why do you think they gave those things to us, master?"

"There are any number of reasons, Udonge. Wanting to get on the princess's good side or ours, infiltration, boredom, simple goodwill... but I don't believe that they mean us any intentional harm, and that soldier has bigger things to worry about than the might of our former homeland. I'm inclined to believe that what they were saying was true, that they are 'back in town' because circumstances required them to give presents to their acquaintances here."

"'Acquaintances' is stretching it a bit, master," Reisen said as she stopped at Eirin's side, ears twitching at the pleased comments from Kaguya in the room behind them. "I met them only briefly, and they never saw the rest of us here." She looked up at her, feeling lost. "Since when does it warrant gifts of such...?" she trailed off, unable to find the right word.

"Humans are capable of more change than I've given them credit for," Eirin conceded reluctantly. "That, or I need to start paying more attention to events outside Gensokyo. You have more experience dealing with them than I do, even if it isn't much. What is your opinion of these outsiders?"

/-/

Reisen didn't like Coop and Jamie by any stretch. The both of them represented everything she disliked about their race. On the other hand, she felt that Kiva- - -for a human- - -was surprisingly easy to get along with. Both of them had backgrounds in their respective militaries, and neither of them were serving at present, albeit for drastically different reasons. Both of them had to put up daily with others who were good-natured and whimsical. Thirdly, they both knew what it was like to adjust to entirely new circumstances.

And lastly, unlike her associates, Kiva had some idea of the word "respect". Thankfully, Eirin had been on hand to fix that little mess. Seriously, Jamie. Telling me I'm cute is one thing, but trying to ask me of all people out is taking it too far.

Reisen told Eirin as much, rephrasing the part that concerned the doctor directly so as not to offend her in any way. Her left hand twitched a bit, still stinging minutes after having slapped Jamie out of Date-Asking Mode.

Quietly, she wondered just how the outsiders were going to fare in Gensokyo at night, brazenly traveling around in that giant machine. However it worked at night where they were from, and even taking into account their actions during the day, the starlight hours in these parts were a whole other kettle of fish. While lesser youkai and bog-standard fairies weren't likely to bother them, the much stronger varieties tended to roam about at night, including those that didn't need physical strength to be a serious threat. It... concerned her some, admittedly.

She didn't owe Coop or Jamie anything, but perhaps as a favor to a fellow soldier, she could volunteer to fly alongside and use her abilities as a means of warding off potential attackers? It would make the journey that much safer and quicker.

Reisen steeled herself, opened her mouth to speak- - -...

"Permission granted, Udonge."

...and tilted over sideways, caught off guard. Had her facial expressions given herself away? "...Wha?"

"Setting up the equipment they donated is going to take some time, and the requirements I have in mind are beyond your abilities. Also, if you're thinking they'll need a bodyguard, I agree; do you really trust them to keep themselves confined to Megas, even knowing that Gensokyo's nights are dangerous for the unwary?"

A miko's angry face filled Reisen's imagination, and she shivered. "And if Hakurei finds out that I didn't protect outsider humans from harm when I had the chance..."

"Don't worry too much," Eirin said reassuringly. "I think we'd know if she ate rabbit stew, and even if she did you would probably give her indigestion anyway."

Reisen's ears stood straight up, and her face turned red out of mortification and anger. "For goodness sake, Master...!"

"I was speaking metaphorically," the Brain of the Moon added without missing a beat. Somewhere in the background, Megas's engines were heard starting up. "If I was joking, then of course it would have been in poor taste."

Reisen squeezed her eyes closed in exasparation, ears drooping again. The things I put up with for their sake... "Alright," she said, opening her eyes and turning to go. "I'll see if I can catch up with them..."

Eirin stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "Wait a moment, Udonge. You'll need these." She pressed a few small glass containers into the rabbit's hand.

Reisen stared at them curiously. "What are these?"

"Some herbs and seasonings from the kitchen."

"Master, not funny!"

/-/-/-/-/

Megas flew along over the bamboo, making good time as it headed for the Forest of Magic. Its headlights shone down on the extensive canopy, illuminating its path on this cloudy night. There were no giant fairies to hinder them this time, so the path was clear.

"So far, so good," Coop was saying as he drove. "That ghost lady liked the food, and the moon princess was happy too."

"Just to have visitors." Although a bit wary of their surroundings, Kiva didn't seem to mind the road trip they were on. "Technically she is in exile and her standards are out of date, so she wouldn't be going out much."

"As long as they ain't mad at us, I'm not complaining." Coop looked up at the car's roof in thought for a moment. "...Though now I'm wishing I'd bought some more of that Orange Craze for Alice. She loved the stuff."

"I'm just glad I could get that one rabbit chick's phone number," Jamie said, smiling. "Though the long-distance calls are gonna be expensive."

"...Jamie, they don't have telephones here," Kiva reminded him.

"...What? Then..." Jamie unfolded the paper that the "rabbit chick" had given him and looked at it. "...! Hey, no fair! I can't read this!"

/-/

"Tewi, why are you gazing out into the bamboo with that strange look?"

"Well, after I told that 'Jamie' human that I was older than I looked, he asked me for my phone number. I thought I'd play a joke on him and write down some numbers at random."

"That seems normal for you, so what's the problem?"

"He never said what a 'phone' was, Eirin."

"..."

"And I think he was speaking a different language, too."

"...Never mind."

/-/

"Jamie, just quit while you're only behind a little," Kiva suggested. "It's obvious that no one here is impressed with you."

"Hey, a guy can dream," Jamie said, slumping a little in disappointment. He crumpled up the paper and tossed it out the window.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

A disconcerting feeling penetrated the haze of sleep. Thunder rumbled somewhere in the distance, which Alice vaguely found strange. A different kind of rumbling shook her home repeatedly, then stopped.

All was quiet and peaceful. Alice settled back against her pillows, expecting to fall back asleep shortly, but the bad feeling wouldn't go away- - -...

Buh-buh-buh-baaa-buh buh-buh-buh-baaa-buhhhh, buh-be-buh-buh-buh-ba-buhhhh.

An awful noise cut through her hearing, souring her mood. Alice kept her eyes shut and her ears open, waiting for whatever it was to go away so that she could go back to sleep. Youkai or not, she wanted her eight hours of rest, so as far as she was concerned the cause of her distress could just go to- - -...

Buh-buh-buh-baaa-buh buh-buh-buh-baaa-buhhhh, buh-be-buh-buh-buh-ba-buhhhh.

Alice's eyes shot open as the horrible feeling intensified. Jumping out of bed, she formed a solitary bullet for use as a makeshift candle and shoved open the curtains to see what was making that musical racket...

...And found herself staring straight at a giant metallic foot, the area lit up by lights somewhere up above. She shook her head repeatedly, backing away from the window and quickly dispersing the bullet she held. Please, in the name of whomever may be listening, please let this be a nightmare, please not reality, please not- - -...

"Alice!" a familiar voice called down from somewhere above, muffled by the closed windows. "Hey, Alice! You home? Got a delivery for you!"

It took a few moments for Alice to withdraw her face from her hands. I don't know why I even dream at all, she thought as she quickly dressed and prepared herself to deal with Coop, when the world around me is strange enough.

/-/-/-/-/

Far as Reimu was concerned, it had been an all-around decent day. No problems with youkai... at least, no serious problems. She'd spent some time shooting the breeze with Marisa and just plain relaxing, which she appreciated in light of the stress that the repeated incidents this year had put her through. Her daily chores were carried out without a hitch. Suika stayed quiet and out of sight. Finally the miko had just spent the last few hours or so in discussion with Akyuu at the village, relating her experiences with the outsiders and Megas, and passing on second-hand knowledge to help solidify an entry for them in the next edition of the Chronicles.

Now she was on her way home, eagerly awaiting the presence of her futon and a good night's sleep. While Reimu wasn't particularly cheery, she felt pleased with her life and with Gensokyo. As such she was smiling lightly, something which served to unnerve several non-humanoid youkai that were hiding in the trees; far as they were concerned, it was not a good thing if the resident incident resolver was smiling. Smiles from her typically meant that someone was going to get a wave of needles chucked at them.

As she flew along at a leisurely speed, Reimu remembered a little tune that someone in the village had been humming while she'd been there. Feeling the urge to do the same, she slowly breathed in and- - -...

buh-buh-buh-baaa-buh buh-buh-buh-baaa-buhhhh, buh-be-buh-buh-buh-ba-buhhhh.

Reimu halted and clapped both hands over her mouth, surprised. That wasn't the song she was going to hum!

...Wait, did I really just hum that? Immediately her mind started racing. No, that wasn't... had to have been something else. Youkai with a terrible sense of music? Fairy prank? Broken horn?

She listened carefully, waiting for the sound to repeat itself. It had faded in volume with distance, but it still had to be...

buh-buh-buh-baaa-buh buh-buh-buh-baaa-buhhhh, buh-be-buh-buh-buh-ba-buhhhh.

There it was. Off in... that direction, I think.

Reimu directed her flight upwards, taking her high enough to see over the treetops and clear into the distant Forest of Magic. Her vision was limited at this time of the evening, and the moon was mostly shrouded by clouds, but she still had the feeling that something worth investigating was out that way.

Trusting her intuition, she flew off as fast as she was capable. Back at the path she'd just left, the youkai who'd been watching her breathed sighs of relief.

/-/-/-/-/

Buh-buh-buh-baaa-buh buh-buh-buh-baaa-buhhhh, buh-be-buh-buh-buh-ba-buhhhh.

Patchouli looked up sharply, attention drawn by the far-off musical cacophany. She was still several miles away from her destination, and she had yet to be attacked by anything or anyone. While she was happy for that, as it meant that there weren't any incidents in progress for her to stumble across, it seemed that life had seen fit to throw an obstacle of sorts in her way regardless.

As she flew, she kept her head tilted to the side to keep whatever was making that noise in her field of vision. There were any number of legendary creatures that made loud, disturbing sounds at night, though none of those that she'd heard of matched the sort of sounds this one was making. The distant silhouette seemed rather blocky, with large fins next to where its head should be- - -...

~/-/

A night in a foreign land, with exhaustion brought on by a very stressful day...

~/-/

Clunky little pictures and text, manipulated by a device connected to a box, and an odd sense of fascination...

~/-/

Hesitation as a large sandwich on a plate was offered to her, not eager to try the foods that must be common in...

~/-/

Giant monsters and aliens attacking that were far outside of her experience, including a warlord with a personal vendetta against...

~/-/

"...Vegas has no power and the convention center was wrecked."

"Well then, I guess there won't be any lines for the all-you-can-eat buffet!"

~/-/

The faded memories of dreams long gone slipped away from her subconscious, but Patchouli knew immediately what that silhouette had to be. Her pupils shrank to pinpoints, her system surged with adrenalin, and her flight-or-fight instinct screamed at her to fly, fly, fly. Dropping in height to use the trees as cover, she put on a burst of speed and tried to reach Marisa's residence as quickly as possible. She determined that if she hurried, she should be able to finish her business there before things went South.

As the Ebony Wizard is my witness, I am not going to entrap myself in that menacing monstrosity a second time!

/-/-/-/-/-/

Jamie and Kiva gave Coop a long look, suggesting that neither of them were thrilled about what he'd done to get Alice's attention.

Coop shrugged at them, unashamed. "What? I liked that horn. Why wouldn't I replace it?"

"How about the fact that you've probably woken up most of Gensokyo?" Kiva asked testily. "It wouldn't have killed you to just knock on the door."

"You just had to say it in this place." Jamie grumbled. "Didn't the batgirl at the Mansion say that there's no shortage of creatures here that could throttle us if we didn't respect them?"

"It was nighttime here when we left Jersey City," the soldier told them. "It's a little late to complain about that."

"...Well, whatever." Jamie smiled out the window. "At least there's no shortage of girls to talk to, either."

Coop listened to the idling engines for a bit before chipping in. "So how's that coming along for you?"

"...Could be better, man. Could be better."

"Technically, most of the girls we've met here are creatures that can throttle you," Kiva said. "It's probably best if you put words to actions and respected them."

"This place is paradise, Kiva. Don't ruin it for me."

Kiva was saved the trouble of expressing her exasparation by the sound of a door opening from down below. Alice flew up to Megas's head and alighted next to Coop's door, letting the others take in her appearance by the interior lighting; while she was mostly presentable, her self-named hairband was gone and her eyes kept shifting between blue and yellow. "Coop," she greeted, nodding. "Jamie. Rude and culturally insensitive as always. Miss Andru, a pleasure."

Kiva nodded. "Did we wake you up?" She glared at the others. "I told you two that leaving for here as early as we did was a bad idea."

"Are you kidding me? If we left later, I'd be missing the grand opening of Bernie's Burger Buffet!" Coop stated, indignant. "Not making that mistake twice!"

Alice's eyes finally settled on blue, even as they briefly rolled skyward. "I guess it can't really be helped... so why did you wake me up out of a sound sleep?"

/-/-/

"..."

They can't be serious.

"..."

Okay, they are serious. "Gifts?"

"Gifts," the trio chorused.

"You traveled thousands of miles across a continent and an ocean, got through a dimensional barrier that laughs in the face of science, and willingly took the risk that I'd be in a bad mood just to give me a gift?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much it," Jamie confirmed.

Alice stared at them, thoroughly flummoxed. "You... I... arrrghh. ...I hope you realize that I'm not responsible for getting you out of Gensokyo safely. You brought this one upon yourself!"

Coop waved it off. "That's okay. That ghost lady said she'd wake up Yukari and have her do it. No biggie."

Alice's shoulders slumped. "If the day ever comes when I understand you... Fine. Where's this gift you want to give me?"

/-/-/-/-/

"..."

They can't be serious.

"..."

Okay, they are- - -...wait, I already thought that. "This..."

"This?" the three outsiders asked.

Alice was hovering in front of Megas's head, using its headlights to better examine what she'd just been given. Held in both hands was a long, fine scarf, done up in varying shades of brown and orange. An emblem that she couldn't decipher was embroidered at one end of the fabric, making her wonder for a moment just whose it was. Something about it all seemed to take her back, past the day when the portal between Gensokyo and Makai was opened, when dollmaking and puppeteering became a way of life, when she began looking up to Shinki as a mother figure, to a time and place that eluded her...

It wasn't in the colors she would have preferred, true, but still... I think I like it. Yes, this will do wonderfully.

"Hey, you alright over there?" Coop called out.

"I'm fine," Alice heard herself say, not fully paying attention to him. "Just... daydreaming."

"Does it meet your standards?" Kiva wanted to know.

"Flat-out exceeds them." Alice nodded, smiling for the first time that evening. "Yes, I will keep this, thank you."

"Say, Alice- - -" Jamie started to speak.

"'No' is the answer," Alice interrupted without looking up from the scarf. "It doesn't matter what the question is."

"Jamie, what did we just get through talking about?" Kiva asked, irritated at the disappointed slacker.

Coop swallowed a mouthful of a triple-decker sandwich that he had the foresight to bring with him. "It's like the planet of the Space Amazons all over again."

Jamie's tone of voice indicated a weak defense on his part. "So what? I'm still going to dream."

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Patchouli's head poked over the treetops. So far, Megas's silhouetted form seemed content to remain parked near the puppeteer's house. Good. Give me six minutes, and I'll be out of here with as many books as I can carry... and on the off-chance that I can catch Marisa off-guard with a duel, I should be able to coerce her into assisting me once I win.

The librarian dropped back down out of sight and descended to the ground. Not thirty meters away, Marisa's repaired abode was visible between the trees. She exited the Forest's cover to take a closer look, noting as she did so that there were no candles or lanterns of any kind providing illumination through the windows, only a few dim globes of magical energy posted near both sides of the door. There was a little bit of smoke from the chimney, but much less than there should have been. Excellent. She must have called it a night and decided to sleep already.

Patchouli remained where she was, formulating her plan of attack. I believe she mentioned once that she was interested in opening a shop here, so perhaps she has something set up near the door to alert her when someone enters through there. I don't know which room she sleeps in, and logically I'd want to enter at the farthest point in the building to keep from waking her up, which means I'll need to use a mix of fire and metal magic to enter through the window- - -...

"Hi! Whatcha doing- - -MMMPPHH!"

A particularly brave and friendly fairy saw her standing there and attempted to greet her, but was rewarded with Patchouli's hand immediately covering her mouth. "Quiet," the librarian hissed. "I'm trying to take care of something important. Don't make any noise, don't move, don't even breathe."

The fairy tilted her head in confusion as her mouth was uncovered. "Um, kind of need to breathe to... never mind," she squeaked, voice dropping in volume at Patchouli's terrifying glare. "I get what you mean."

"Good." Patchouli turned away from the fairy and went back to staring at the house, muttering to herself in low tones. "Now, assuming that didn't alert her, I should be able to- - -"

"Been awake the whole time, ze."

Patchouli growled in frustration and whirled to face where the voice had come from. Sure enough, Marisa was sitting on her broom overhead; the librarian noted that there was a baldric of sorts worn across her dress and apron, with a glass flask and several small tools secured to it. "Kirisame," Patchouli greeted her, making sure to let a little hostility into her tone. "I was under the impression that humans slept at this time of night."

"I've got big plans tonight," Marisa said unashamedly, smiling. "Couldn't sleep if I tried. What about you? Don't tell me you flew all the way out here just to say hello. Didn't give me time to make any tea."

"I don't know where you get your delusions, laser-brain," Patchouli retorted, taking flight and raising herself up to Marisa's level. "You know full well why I came here to your house after dark."

"Snippy, are we?"

"And I'm about to get even snippier." Patchouli flipped open her spellbook and readied herself for battle. "I'm only going to say this once. Give me what is mine."

A head shake. "Nuh-uh. I'm not finished with them."

"And when will you be finished with them, as if I didn't already know?"

Marisa tapped her knuckles thoughtfully. "I figure... about sixty years or so. Maybe seventy, even."

Patchouli shook her head. "That's not good enough. Give me- - -"

"You ever notice something funny? Each time I help resolve an incident, I feel younger than I should. It's weird, but I like it."

"I said give me- - -"

vroooooommmmmm

Patchouli's blood turned to ice as Megas's engines howled in the distance. Closer still, the lingering fairy that had tried to greet her panicked and fled. Already?! Blast it, Coop! What are you up to over there?

Marisa perked up, and a wide beaming grin stretched across her face. "Oh hey, with you showing up, I almost forgot! That metal thing everyone was talking about is back, ze! Think they'll let me come along?"

A terrible, terrible mental image hit Patchouli just then: Marisa in control of Megas, and a giant crater where the Mansion used to be. Mathematically speaking, the odds of that happening were so astronomical that they could be considered borderline impossible, but for her that fact was far from her mind. "Don't you dare- - -"

"Hey, looks like they're heading this way," Marisa said excitedly. "I'm going to meet them halfway and see if they'll let me! Another time, Patchy!"

"Kiri- - -!" Patchouli started to shout, but before she could finish Marisa had already jetted away. She closed her spellbook and started to fly after her...

...but paused as she realized that with Marisa gone, it would be easy for her to break into her home and take her books back. She turned back towards the house...

...

-The Mansion was in ruins, and Megas gathered what was left of the library into its hands while Marisa cackled like a maniac...-

...

...but the mental image would not leave her mind. Muttering something foul under her breath, Patchouli took off after her monochromatic pain in the neck. At least for now, her books could wait.

/-/-/-/-/-/

Megas hadn't really been heading towards Marisa's home. That had been the intention, but since Coop had never been there before all he could really do was guess, and that guess was several degrees and at least eight kilometers off.

The Seven-Colored Puppeteer was with them. Curiosity had overcome Alice's better judgment, and since she was already awake and dressed she decided that she might as well see this through. Since her top speed was nowhere close to Megas's cruising speed, she was instead clinging to one of its fins as it flew, eyes squeezed shut against the rushing air and scarf flapping in the wind.

It was a good thing she had come along, since they really had no idea where they were going. It was only when Coop wondered aloud where "that laser girl" lived that everything became clear, and Alice was able to point them in the right direction without facepalming first. Otherwise, she figured they'd probably cover at least half of Gensokyo without figuring anything out.

They were about four kilometers away from Marisa's home when the entire situation cannonballed into the insanity pool. A dozen colorful starry bullets cut across Megas's path, and Coop had to put on the brakes to keep Megas from colliding with them. The sudden stop made Alice let go of Megas's fin, and she took flight on instinct to prevent a fall.

"Where on earth did those come from?" Jamie asked, nervous and a little bit shaken from what had just happened.

"None of your guesses count," Kiva said with a touch of resignation, pointing out the windshield. "We've found our next recipient."

...

"Heyyyy!" Marisa shouted when she got close enough, waving. "Why are you flying around all over, ze? I thought you were heading to my place!"

"We were," Coop defended himself. "We just decided to, uh... look around a bit, that's all."

"Took the scenic route," Jamie added.

"Had to get our bearings first," Kiva continued.

"In short, they got lost," Alice finished.

Coop thought for a moment. "...Dunno if that's the same thing."

Marisa blinked, looking surprised. "Oh hey, Alice! When did you get here?"

A soft sigh as Alice shook her head. "And there it is. Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"What, and miss out on tonight's plans? I'm having myself a party at Patchy's place," Marisa declared. "'Tonight by midnight. Provide your own drinks. Show consideration to the staff by taking home your own books.'"

"Summer Red."

A blistering, human-sized fireball almost caught both Marisa and Alice unawares, but they were able to evade it in time. As scaled-down as the projectile was compared to Megas, Coop was able to dissipate it just by flicking at it.

Patchouli flew into view, stopping herself within talking distance of her fellow magicians. She was visibly upset, eyes narrowed and her spellbook glowing orange. "Your party is cancelled," she warned in a no-nonsense voice. "Remilia and I are responsible for the invitations, and we never sent any out."

Megas waved at her. "Hey, Patchy!" Coop greeted her. "Good seeing you again!"

Patchouli shuddered. "Oh, no. The pleasure's mine," she forced through her teeth. "And call me 'Patchouli', please. Only Remilia gets to call me that."

"'Pache', you mean," Alice corrected. "You're slipping."

"Why not?" Jamie pointed at Marisa. "She gets to call you that."

"That's because she doesn't care one bit whether she offends people or not. She doesn't count. And Alice, I know full well what Remi calls me. Don't presume to correct me." Patchouli paused for a moment, ignoring Marisa's proud face, then turned towards the outsiders with a calmer expression. "Jamie, if you don't mind, I've got a ques- - -"

"Wait!" someone called out. "Wait, wait, waaaiiiit!"

Everyone present, including Megas, turned to where a speeding Reisen was fast approaching. "Andru-san, the rest of you! I need to talk to you!"

"'The rest of you'? What?" Coop wondered aloud. "Didn't we give our names to her?"

"Quiet a moment, Coop." Kiva waved at Reisen, beckoning her towards the car and calling out to her. "What is it you need?"

Reisen stopped a meter or so short of Megas, far enough away to be comfortable yet close enough for her to make herself heard. "I'm glad I caught up to you," she said after a moment. "This is important, so please listen to me!"

"Go on..."

"I'm requesting to serve as your guide the rest of the night," Reisen explained. "There's too many dangerous and ugly monsters running around for it to be safe here."

"Nothing a Master Spark or two can't handle," Marisa declared, folding her arms. Her mini-hakkero was clenched in one hand. "They're in good hands, trust me."

"... ...Anyway, as I said, may I serve as your guide for tonight?" Reisen requested again. "There's too many dangerous and ugly monsters running around for it to be safe here- - -..."

"Hey, who are you calling 'ugly', ze?!" Marisa yelled, indignant. "I'm the prettiest magician this side of Gensokyo!"

"No," Alice denied. "You're the Ordinary Magician, not the Pretty Magician. There's a difference."

"Please. Like you two are such prizes!"

"Leave me out of this." Patchouli drew a Spell Card from her sleeve. "I'm here to deluge you in danmaku and get my books back, not to get involved in any ridiculous popularity contests."

"So, what you're saying is that you have no problem with Reisen calling you 'ugly'?" Marisa questioned her.

"I have standards and I will stick to them, but that does not mean I'm going to forget your transgressions."

"I think she's good-looking," Jamie piped up.

"Faint praise indeed," Reisen murmured, becoming increasingly perturbed as she found herself losing control of her visit just as it began.

Something in Reisen's comment put Patchouli on edge. "If you have something to say, rabbit, say it where we can hear you."

"Fine, I will." Reisen turned towards them, eyes glowing. "Will the lot of you be quiet for a minute and let me finish my business with the outsiders? This is important."

Alice shook her head. "If you're referring to guiding them, I was already going with them. They'll be fine."

"Those dolls of yours aren't going to be enough." Reisen tapped her temple. "If they're going to get around those who aren't afraid to tangle with a gigantic machine, thus getting home peacefully, they'll need my eyes."

"Why should they?" Marisa retorted. "Nothing here will cause a problem that a giant metal fist to their face can't solve."

Coop beamed at this.

Reisen's fists tightened, and she drifted down and away from Megas to address Marisa. "You're missing the point. If you think the only threatening youkai in Gensokyo are the ones that rely on brute force, you're wrong!"

"Brute force, uncanny magic, it makes no difference to me." Marisa smiled dangerously. "All it takes is an annihilation of love and a lot of guts."

The others shook their heads at this, but it was one of the outsiders that chose to interrupt. "Question," Jamie called out. "Do you think that rainbow orbs of death would solve the problem, too?"

"Maybe," Marisa responded. "Why?"

Jamie pointed somewhere off to the side. "Because that."

...

"Spirit Sign: Fantasy Orb."

...

"Because what- - -oof!"

None of the four were able to react in time to the ambush. Ten meter-sized spheres of light slammed into them, three each for Marisa and Reisen and two each for Alice and Patchouli. All four of them were blasted downwards into a series of flips, but since none of them were subjected to the Spell Card's full strength, they were able to recover their flight in time before they crashed into the trees.

The group rose to meet their assailant, not eager to face this one in particular. "... ...Wow, Reimu," Marisa admitted, one hand on her gut where the miko's attack had struck her. "You seem angry."

"What gave it away?" Reimu hissed, gohei in one hand and some needles in the other. "Those three being here again with something that I specifically wanted gone? A gathering of youkai that could possibly cause a serious threat? Or maybe it's because I was having a relaxing evening until you lot had to ruin it!"

Reisen shook her head. "Hello? Lunar rabbit here. Do I seriously look like a youkai to you?"

"It's easier to think of you four as a collective in this situation. Don't distract me."

"Hey, take it easy. This isn't what it looks like," Coop said, trying to stop things before they got out of hand. Megas's hands raised in a placating gesture.

It wouldn't be that easy to defuse Reimu's temper. "I'll deal with you in a minute, Coop. I've got some dangerous and ugly monsters to deal with."

"Contrary to what it seems, I'm not in the habit of causing trouble." Alice pulled out a Spell Card, and a squadron of dolls appeared around her. "I'm trying to supervise a child's playtime."

"And I wanted to lend them protection so that you wouldn't get angry at me for negligence," Reisen claimed, grabbing a Spell Card of her own.

"I'm present because Marisa is a filthy, conniving thief," Patchouli said bluntly.

"Oi, oi," Marisa protested as she produced yet another Card. "First you call me ugly, and now you're saying I stink? I cleaned up before I left, honest!"

"You'd be better off cleaning up your life as opposed to your skin," Alice informed her, turning away from Reimu. "There are times when you give some of us a bad name."

"Try all the time," Patchouli muttered.

"Hey, you're no better off than me!" Marisa, too, decided to focus on someone other than Reimu. "If it weren't for us, you'd never leave the library at all!"

Patchouli shook her head. "My conscience is clear, black-white. If I ever attacked humans before we entered Gensokyo, it's because they sought out Remilia and attacked us first."

Marisa waved it off. "I wasn't talking about that. You showed up at my house trying to steal my books, ze. That just ain't right."

Reimu's eye twitched. "Am I being ignored...?"

"Don't try to turn this around on me," Patchouli hissed to Marisa. "There isn't enough room in your logic to swing a rabbit around."

"Pick something better to say," Reisen warned, her free hand pointed at the librarian like a gun. "You could use some work on your metaphors."

"Mind your own business. This is between me and the rat, no one else." Patchouli aimed her spellbook at Reisen. "Unless you like being rabbit stew, in which case feel free to fly between us."

"I don't need to catch your eyes to be a distraction!" Reisen proclaimed... then scowled. "Wait, that didn't come out right..."

"Sure sounded right to me," Alice said with a thin smile. "You're probably prettier than the rest of us."

"Don't try to flatter me, Margatroid," Reisen warned, ignoring Marisa's cry of 'Forget you!'. "I'm not some useless little bunny meant to stand around and look beautiful."

"True," Patchouli stated. "You're taller than us too if you count the ears."

"Seriously, not funny!"

...

...

"...They're actually having this discussion," Kiva said disbelievingly as the group bickered. "Really?"

Reimu tried to stay angry in light of everyone ignoring her, but found she was getting more exasparated than truly furious. She flew up and landed to the right of Megas's head to better speak with Kiva. "Believe me, Andru-san. Fights have started in Gensokyo for far less."

"Any way we can calm them down?" Coop inquired. "There's a buffet waiting for me, and I want to be there to see it."

"You have some explaining to do when this is all over, but... I should still be able to handle this myself. As riled up as we all are, only a Spell Card match will settle them down. I'm not sure why they haven't started yet."

Kiva pondered this. "Well, since there's five of you... a tournament of some kind?"

Reimu rejected that notion. "That would take too long. It would be best to have a free-for-all instead."

"Wait... there are provisions in the Spell Card rules for that?"

"Yes, though the circumstances don't crop up often enough for it to be a common thing," Reimu explained. "It requires there to be four or more people involved, none of which are actively teamed up against each other or are likely to do so. There also needs to be plenty of space to maneuver in light of the volume of danmaku. If either of those conditions aren't met, then the free-for-all wouldn't fly. Only one Spell Card can be used per participant, and the winner is whoever is left standing at the end."

"Well, don't let us get in your way," Jamie said, waving her off. "Do your thing."

Reimu quickly considered whether to respond to Jamie's dismissal appropriately, then sighed as she decided that the others' argument had gone on long enough. Without further ado, she dropped down into the middle of the group and tossed an assortment of paper amulets towards all four of them, generating Cautionary Barriers that shoved them away from each other.

...

"...Let me guess," Alice said after the group had fully recovered from the impacts. "We were too noisy."

"And too ridiculous," Reimu chastised her. "You're behaving like children, the whole lot of you."

"...Well, I have always thought of myself as a child at heart," Marisa reluctantly admitted.

"Tell us something we don't know," Patchouli grumbled, eyes towards the ground as she silently acknowledged Reimu's words.

Marisa nodded agreeably. "Okay. When I was still apprenticing, I had an accident with a magic experiment and turned my hair red for several months."

Reimu blinked. "...Wait, so that was why... never mind," she said, recovering. "Anyway, I'd like to get some sleep at some point tonight, and Coop has to take care of... whatever it is he's here to take care of, so what say we just settle this with a free-for-all Spell Card match?"

Inevitably, the inquiries about that particular aspect of the system began. Reimu took a minute to tell the group what she'd just gotten done telling the outsiders, and by the end of it they seemed more or less alright with the idea. Reisen didn't seem especially thrilled- - -in fact, she'd seemed very nervous in Reimu's presence for some reason- - -but she went along with it just the same.

At last the group split apart, backing off far enough away to a suitable distance to prevent anyone from trying to claim an instant victory. Reimu prepared herself for combat, gohei at the ready and a favorite Card of hers between her fingertips.

...I can't believe all this time I thought she was wearing a wig.

/-/-/-/

Marisa, being quick on the trigger and more eager to duel, was the first to declare her attack. The others weren't too far behind, and piece by piece the air around them exploded with energy.

"Love Sign: Non-Directional Laser!"

"Moon Sign: Silent Silene!"

"Spy Sign: Seeker Dolls!"

"Dream Sign: Duplex Barrier!"

"Illusion Bomb: Mind Starmine!"

Rotating lasers that spun in one direction, then dissolved and reformed before spinning the other way. An ever-widening, ever-shrinking shield of light beams that protected its caster like a shroud. A swarm of dolls attacking from above, striking away incoming shots with perfect accuracy and slowly working to whittle down the enemies' shields. Amulets by the bucketful, disappearing into and being jettisoned out of a set of translucent barriers. Bullets that shot away from their caster and exploded around her like bombs, sweeping away energy and threatening to catch the others in their blast radius. All the while the air was being saturated with stars, cone-shaped, human- and fist-sized danmaku of all colors.

The sheer amount of lighting in the area could've blinded the unprepared, but it wasn't the first time anyone in the group had fought during the night. All five of them successfully dodged the initial onslaught, then took to weaving about the air in patterns that became increasingly complex the longer the battle continued. Their evasive actions weren't perfect by any stretch, but getting hit only a few times was preferable to multiple times. They needed that evasion, considering how clogged up the space between them was getting.

Between the focus everyone was devoting towards the match and the vast light and noise, Megas's presence was completely forgotten. No one noticed when the mech flew towards the sky to avoid stray fire.

/-/-/

If one could call a battlefield gorgeous, this was the situation where the description would have applied. Shame that Megas was nearly caught in the crossfire, or else Jamie would've appreciated it more; he liked cute girls, yes, but not if they were shooting at him. As it was, Coop directed the mech higher up to keep from getting caught in the immediate battle zone, and from time to time tapped the controls to allow some stray shots to fly past.

"...Whoa," Coop muttered to himself as he watched the fight. "Talk about your light shows."

"Can't say I've ever been to a rock concert that was this violent," Jamie remarked. "Still, it's pretty cool."

"...Never thought I'd say this, but this display wouldn't be out of place during the war." Kiva shook her head, still amazed. "Shame this can't go on for too much longer if you want to keep your schedule."

"Yeah, but how is Coop going to tell them that?" Jamie asked as he gestured at the free-for-all. "Fat lot of good being polite will do against this."

"Well, I do have some extra presents I can give 'em to make them quit," Coop said. "It's a little bit early, but... still doable."

"...What?" Kiva asked, her confusion with them once again rising to the fore. "Coop, this isn't the time or place for that! Just be patient and wait until they finish before you hand those out!"

Coop smiled. "Eh, it's alright. They've been starting sooner every year anyway."

His decision made, Coop reached out and thumbed a button labeled "'Tis the Season".

/-/-/

The first warning Alice received that something was wrong was the fast-paced drums-and-guitar ensemble that assaulted her hearing from somewhere overhead. Doing some mid-air acrobatics to evade eight of Reisen's mines and fourteen of Marisa's stars, she took a quick look skyward in mid-flip to satisfy her curiosity prior to retu- - -...

Before her widening eyes, Megas was undergoing a transformation. Missile launcher upon missile launcher was popping out of its shoulders, and the same on and around its torso, ankles and wrists. Small cannons were filling up the remaining surface space, and even larger cannons had taken the place of its hands. If that weren't enough, the ensemble's central weapon had grown to the point where it was longer than her entire house was, and was larger too if she discounted the tower. A sigil also appeared beneath Megas's feet, but there was too much light flying around for Alice to discern what it was.

What? How did he get that arsenal in there?

Saturday Night: Super Destructor Mode

"Eeep!" AND WHY IS IT A SPELL CARD?!

If the music, the change in background or the transformation hadn't gotten everyone's attention, what happened next sure did. Human-sized barrages were the expected norm in danmaku battles, but that was only because the combatants were human-sized themselves. Adding in mech-sized barrages added a whole new wrinkle to the equation, that wrinkle being- - -...

"Double dream in a duplex...!"

...- - -well, maybe not quite like that, but Reimu had the right idea. As with the others she'd been in the middle of a gigantic minefield of energy when Coop began raining missiles down onto them. The limits of her abilities had been pushed hard with four skilled opponents, one of whom (Reisen) was using a Spell Card she wasn't quite familiar with yet, and dodging was becoming increasingly difficult. With a fifth having entered the game, Reimu finally lost her focus and was struck by one of the Non-Directional Lasers, eliciting a somewhat creative curse.

And then the missiles hit. Even the smallest of them had a diameter as large as any of those engaged in the free-for-all, and the largest? ... Yes. Between them, the weakened shields and the myraid shots that already covered everything, no one was getting out of this dance without some mashed toes; and by the looks on their faces (even Alice's dolls, strangely), they all knew it. On the plus side Megas's shots were dissipating all the bullets and lasers, but by then everyone was too out of position to care.

The hundreds of explosions that hammered 40,000 square meters worth of land was a pyromaniac's dream come true. In the midst of it all, though, no one saw the little glass flask that was launched clear of the fracas by their combined force.

...

"Ugh. Not even remotely what I meant!"

"So not cool, Coop."

"Uh... Oops?"

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

By the time the music faded out and the last of the attack's missiles had detonated, leaving deep, glassy craters everywhere they looked and clouds of dirt and dust in the air, peace between the five of them had been restored. Granted it was a peace brought about by semi-consciousness and a dazed sense of disbelief, but it was a peace regardless.

Reisen was the first to recover, pushing herself out the bottom of the crater she was half-buried in. That's not fair, she complained internally, wiping dirt off her jacket the best she could. I went to the Earth to escape warfare, not have it brought to me. She flinched as a couple of wood chips bounced off her head.

"...Really regretting waking up right now," Alice complained as she stood up. The debris that still lingered in the air triggered a few coughs. "The next time I give myself good advice, I'm following it."

Another set of coughs from thirty feet away got her attention. "Hakurei, are you sure you can't make an exception just this once?" Patchouli pleaded, her tone halfway between exasparated and tired.

"Just drop it already." Reimu steadied herself, then tightened one of her detached sleeves to keep the damaged fabric from falling off her arm. "You and the others have followed the rules so far, and you're not going to break them just because Coop doesn't understand what 'consequences' mean."

"Aw, yes! That was awesome!"

All heads turned in Marisa's general direction. "Figures," Alice commented as she and the others regained enough power to fly on over. "As long as I've known her, she's said that 'danmaku is power'. Now she thinks she's been proven right."

"Marisa, if you've become a fan of that thing, I swear- - -...!" Reimu huffed, flinching when Megas dropped down for a landing fifteen meters away from them.

"Not a fan, no," Marisa denied, double-checking her hat to make sure it wasn't smoldering. She seemed a bit put off that her baldric was heavily damaged, but apparently decided that it wasn't worth bringing up.

"Oh. That's good- - -" Reimu started to say...

...but was quickly cut off. "...But I do think riding around up there must be a lot of fun, ze."

"If you hadn't convinced me during the endless night, I'm convinced now," Alice stated, rolling her eyes. "You are wall-to-wall insane."

"Nope," was the cheerful reply. "I'm Marisa."

Patchouli grimaced. "That's even worse."

"You girls done arguing yet?" Coop's voice echoed down to them. "I've got some stuff to hand out up here for anyone who wants it!"

"...Wait. Hand-outs?" Reimu asked aloud, blinking. "Is that why he's here?" She turned to the others. "An explanation would be helpful..."

"You guys stay put up there for a few minutes, okay?" Marisa shouted at Megas's head, waving at its occupants. "We'll be right with you, I promise!"

"Cue twenty minute discussion," Patchouli murmured. "I don't believe anything he could offer us would be worth the wait."

Alice feigned interest in her new scarf, which survived the fight with only minimal damage, instead of acknowledging Patchouli's comment. After a few seconds, she no longer had to fake said interest.

"...Okay, okay, I get it!" the bemused librarian barked at Alice as Marisa started laughing. Even Reisen and Reimu had to suppress chuckles at the sight. "He has valuable things for us. I get it. Now stop hugging that scarf!"

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Another night, another dream... that is real.

Somewhere deep inside the Garden of the Sun, a smiling beast in the guise of a woman sat on a blanket and gazed up at the night sky. Another day had passed, and winter edged ever nearer. Soon, white specks would descend from the sky. At that point, she would turn her attention to those plants and trees that laughed in the face of cold conditions; she'd know then that there just wouldn't be enough sunlight to make visiting the Garden worthwhile.

She hadn't cared one whit for the weather in recent months, or the rumor that the so-called "Destructive Sentinel" had rampaged through Gensokyo. She knew that those would also pass. Every day was just that: a day. It would show up, present its case, bow its head and leave. It would then be up to her to decide whether that case was fine or not.

The weather had ravaged Gensokyo, then left; the flowers had survived against all odds. The Sentinel had stormed Gensokyo, then left; again, the flowers had survived. She believed she'd caught a glimpse of the Sentinel when it passed near the Garden earlier that evening, but it flew away and did not disturb her or the sunflowers.

Yuuka Kazami had been around a long time and had witnessed many seasons. It felt like a lifetime ago since the day she volunteered to help stop a so-called "assault" from Makai out of boredom. Many of the details of that sojourn had been long forgotten by both herself and others, save the one individual who chose to leave Makai when everything was said and done. But that was alright; it was just another day. Nothing of note had happened, so it couldn't have been too important.

Another day. Another night and another dream, like the many hundreds of thousands before it.

A tiny rock hit the back of Yuuka's neck... or at least it felt like a tiny rock to her. Any human would not have survived getting hit by a glass flask that had travelled for miles at high speed through the air. Even some weaker youkai would've experienced a bit of pain. Yuuka was physically tough enough to withstand such things, and if the flask hadn't noisily shattered on contact she wouldn't have paid it any mind. Hmm? What's that about, I wonder? I'm not detecting anyone in the Garden with any sort of power to throw that at me... wait a moment.

Something cold and powdery settled against the back of her neck, light green tresses and striped vest. She dabbed her fingers against it and raised it towards her eyes for a closer look. Bluish-gray, plenty of power in it. Fairly potent... probably came from the Forest of Magic. If what I've heard is true, and that gutsy human who stole my Master Spark lives there nowadays, its creation was likely her doing... there's nothing youkai-like about this, so...

Yuuka's eyes fell shut partway as the powder sunk into her hand and disappeared. She could tell without trying to look that the rest of it was doing the same. ...So, why is the powder reacting like this?

...

And why are the sunflowers shrinking?

...

No, it's not that. They're not getting any smaller. I'm getting bigger.

Almost stumbling in order to do so, Yuuka stood up and took flight to prevent her increasing size from damaging the flowers. Supposing it was Marisa's doing, what would she have to gain from it? It wouldn't make sense for it to be intentional... She looked down at the parasol in her hand, noting that it was getting larger as well. My power feels like it is increasing by leaps and bounds. When we first met, it took everything Marisa had to keep pace with me while I was holding back. I think I can safely say that as far as it hitting me went, her involvement was accidental at best. Trying to pick a fight with me like this would be suicidal.

...

After a wait of several minutes, her perspective stopped shifting. Yuuka let her eyes wander, noting just how tiny everything looked to her now. She tested her movement, discovering that while her flight and overall rate of speed seemed to be the same from her point of view, it would probably be fast when seen from ground level. She took aim with one hand at the distant horizon and fired a single flower bullet, watching as it disappeared at a speed the tengu would be envious of; as she had guessed, her power at normal size was nothing compared to this.

She didn't like it at all.

Looking about the Garden, she noticed some hills beyond it that were free of everything except grass. She flew over- - -slowly, so as not to harm anything in her wake- - -and sat down there, pondering her situation. I can't take any walks like this, not without destroying the very things I love. As it is, I'd stick out like a sore thumb and draw unneeded attention to myself. My course is thus clear; depending on how long this takes to wear off, I will have to seek a means of reversing this.

Yuuka turned towards the distant Forest of Magic, or at least what she could see of it. There was a fair bit of smoke rising from that direction, and if she squinted she could see the Sentinel's silhouette, but she paid them no mind and instead fixed the Forest with a friendly smile. Which means I'll be paying you a visit in the near future, Marisa Kirisame, so I hope your way of life is coming up roses.

/-/-/

Somewhere in Gensokyo, Seija Kijin sat down and schemed to turn society upside down. The combination of her ability and the fairies passing through made that difficult, though, as her thoughts alternated between coherent and incoherent. More than once she had to shake her head and close her eyes to get her thinking back on track.

She was still pondering what to do when Yuuka's test bullet roared on in, smashing into her with the force of a racecar with daisy decals. Seija crashed through a tree, both walls of a small dwelling, and was finally embedded deep inside a hillside. She groaned once at the indignity of it all before falling still, her plans on hold for now.

The fairies that witnessed this raised their hands and their voices in exultation. "Yay!"

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

"...So because Coop lied to his mother, he's back in Gensokyo again?" Reimu asked Alice, looking like she wanted to smack something with her gohei on general principles. "Did he already forget just how much damage he did the first time he was here?"

"Dunno if I'd call it a lie, ze," Marisa told her. "It's not like we ever told him outright that we hated him. He could've thought we were his friends from that alone. Stranger things have happened."

Patchouli sighed reluctantly as she pinned her cap's crescent moon back on. "...She raises a good point, red-white. If any of us despised him for what he did, none of us informed him of it." Although in retrospect I should have done that instead of immediately fleeing Megas at fight's end.

"How obvious does it have to be?" Reimu protested. "It should have been as plain as day to him! Yukari and I both wanted him gone, he traumatized you, damaged large swathes of landscaping, endangered the Village, injured Marisa- - -"

"That last one wasn't his fault," Marisa interrupted. "Wrong place, wrong time for the both of us. I ain't mad at him."

Four seconds of silence. "Alice? Reisen? Either of you have any comments?" Reimu asked, prying her hand off her face.

Reisen shook her head. "I never interacted with him until the meal at Miss Scarlet's mansion. Until he showed up at Eientei this evening I didn't have a legitimate reason to hate him, and even then that's still up in the air. Dislike him, yes. Be wary of him, yes. Truly hating him? ... Not yet. The princess was pleased with what he gave us, and for me that takes precedence."

Another six seconds went by before Alice realized that everyone was looking at her. Silently, she cursed herself for being distracted by the scarf's quality. "Same as Reisen for a different reason. Disaster-prone tendencies and cultural blindness aside- - -"

"Oh, come on!" Reimu cried, frustrated.

"- - -they're all nice people, Miss Andru especially, and we all assumed that it was the only time they'd be in Gensokyo anyway."

Reimu took a quick look back at the outsiders to see if they were listening. They weren't; Coop was speaking animatedly with his friends about something, Megas's rumbling engine just loud enough to cover their words. She sighed irritably, shaking her head. "Amazing. Just amazing. I'm still having trouble believing that Coop's mother sent him back here on a 'gift-giving tour' because she thought he'd made friends who weren't... uh... what am I looking for here?"

"'Gamers and gearheads,'" Alice supplied. "His words. I don't understand what they mean."

Patchouli had the feeling that she knew what they meant, if the dreams she had were any sort of reference. Deciding that she didn't know how to explain it in terms that they'd understand, she erred on the side of silence.

"Well, with that answered, I guess one of us had better watch them and make sure they don't do anything stupid," Reimu said reluctantly. "It feels like crises follow them wherever they go, so if we can stop them before they start, terrific."

"Pick me! Pick me!" Marisa enthusiastically exclaimed, waving her hands excitedly.

"You just want to ride around in that thing's head and do who knows what," Patchouli grumbled. "If Reimu wants it done so badly, she can go herself."

"I never said I wanted to do it," Reimu informed them. "I was just making a suggestion."

Reisen raised a hand, directing attention towards her. "I may as well go. As I said earlier, Master asked me to follow them and keep them safe anyway, so..."

"Oh, come on," Marisa protested. "I'm missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime here! Who wouldn't want to sit on the shoulders of a traveling titan, ze? Let me go along!"

"Alternatively, Patchouli could go," Alice said. "Or even myself. Both of us have more experience dealing with Coop than the rest of you do, and I was out with them already anyway."

"You couldn't get me back in Megas for all the knowledge in the world." You could hear the ice solidifying on Patchouli's voice. "Let Reimu do it."

"I'm not going to disobey my Master's orders," Reisen warned them, eyes glowing threateningly. She looked ready to render the lot of them insane, never mind Reimu's presence. "Let me do my job!"

"Back off, you terrible rabbit person!" Marisa countered. "I'm the shooting star here, not you!"

"Blatantly ridiculous. This goes beyond simple desires and commands," Reimu said, her voice slowly rising. "This is about Gensokyo's safety."

"Then why don't you go?" Alice asked, becoming as fed up as the rest of them. "You're the one who typically solves these things."

"Because I want to get some sleep, that's why," Reimu shamelessly admitted. "If Megas hadn't showed up in Gensokyo again, I could've been doing that by now. The racket it was making carries a long way at night, and I was getting suspicious."

Patchouli flew a little bit closer to her. "So now you're foisting your job on us? No."

Reisen did the same. "Hey, this is something I have to do, okay?"

Marisa followed suit, smiling dangerously. "Don't get in the way of my dreams, ze!"

Alice closed in. "Would you people stop being idiots already?"

There was a tense silence as the five of them glared at each other. Reimu's shoulders slumped first, but not because she was giving up. "Looks like there's only one real way to settle this," she muttered, raising her hand.

One by one, the others nodded and followed suit. With a matter such as this, it was time to leave the decision in the hands of the ultimate judge.

/-/-/-/-/

Coop drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. "...Wonder what's taking them so long."

Jamie gave the rear-view mirror a check, an eyebrow raising. "Looks like... they're playing rock-paper-scissors?"

Everyone gave each other confused expressions. "...Maybe they're trying to decide who gets to go up first?" Coop suggested.

"Maybe," Kiva said, not coming up with anything better. "Seems like a strange way to decide on something like that..."

/-/-/-/-/-/

Two rocks, three paper. No clear winner.

Five paper. Nothing there, either.

Two scissors, two paper, and one... um... "Marisa, why with the thumbs up?" Alice asked, serving as the voice for the others' confusion.

"Thumbs up is dynamite," Marisa said matter-of-factly. "Beats paper and rock, loses to scissors."

Alice shook her head and groaned, annoyed. "Oh, for... Marisa, you can't have dynamite in jankenpon. Where did you even discover dynamite, anyway?"

Marisa made a show of thinking back. "Well, I think I found it in one of my books maybe... four months ago?"

"One of my books," Patchouli cut in.

"That's what I said. One of my books."

"No, Marisa. One of my books."

Marisa regarded Patchouli with confusion. "I just said it was one of my books. Why are you repeating me, ze?"

Patchouli was quickly losing her temper. "Not one of your books, Marisa. One of my books. You know: the ones I showed up at your house to take back?"

"Who's this 'your' guy you keep talking about?" Marisa asked, scratching the back of her head. "And why does he want my books so badly?"

Patchouli's free hand closed into a fist. "If you fly back to your house and give me my books right now, I might forget that you just called me a 'he'."

Beat. "...One of my books? Now he's just being greedy."

"Oh for the love of Gensokyo, shut up!" Reisen snapped, surprising everyone. "Forget the books, forget the dynamite, just play the stupid game and get it over with! The night's not going to last forever, you know!"

For several long moments, the only sound was Megas's engines as the four other girls stared nonplussed at her. "...Um... are you... alright?" Alice brought herself to ask.

Reisen kept quiet but nodded, blushing over her uncharacteristic moment of fury. Finally, the three magicians sheepishly held out their hands to continue the game. Reimu nodded gratefully at Reisen for the intervention before following the others' lead, an action which garnered a relieved sigh from the rabbit.

Of course, now that Marisa had introduced dynamite to the game, the others had no reservations when it came to using it themselves. For the next minute or two, the game became that much crazier as all the participants tried using it to eke out a win at some point or another. Five more rounds passed, then ten. Fifteen.

Finally on the eighteenth round, a winner was decided. Reimu, Marisa, Alice, and Reisen had their hands held out, issuing thumbs-up to all parties...

"..."

...and Patchouli was staring at her hand as if it had declared open rebellion. "No..." she breathed softly. "No..."

"Four 'dynamite', one scissors," Reimu said. "Looks like Patchouli wins."

"Hmph." Marisa pouted and folded her arms. "No fair cheating."

Reisen looked for a few seconds like she wanted to go all 'Watership Down' on someone, then heaved a defeated sigh and shook her head, letting her arms hang limp and her eyes stop glowing.

"I'm just happy that one of us is going to look after Coop for the duration of his stay," Alice commented, adjusting her scarf. She seemed alright with the outcome, and a bit relieved that the situation was out of her hands.

Patchouli? Since she'd been actively trying to lose... well, not so much. Her eye twitched, and her hands trembled. Memories of the Suika fight, Coop's recklessness and her entrapment flashed through her thoughts one after another, followed closely by what she remembered of her dreams. Me? In Megas's head again? A bodyguard for a fool? Remind me again why I thought leaving the library tonight was a good idea!

"Oi, Patchy. You gonna be okay?"

Her eyes narrowed, and her face contorted into something resembling an angry snarl. No! Never! You will not get me in there! I refuse! If you make me spend even another minute in there...!

Far as magical strength went, Patchouli was top-notch so long as her health cooperated with her. At her best she could outmatch Remilia in a spellcard duel, which in itself was no mean feat. However, where physical strength was concerned, her idea of a rigorous activity involved walking at a sedate pace for about two minutes. The medicine she'd been taking recently was doing nothing to change that, focusing instead on her primary maladies.

"Hey. Patchouli. Get it together. I realize you don't want to, but you won, fair and- - -..."

"GYARRGGGHHHHHHHH!"

Fear, drive and adrenalin are funny things, though... and when combined with Patchouli's desire not to be stuck with Coop's stubborn idiocy again, it graduated to outright hilarity. Surprised by the magician's shriek enough to stop speaking, Reimu froze for just a moment; and in that moment Patchouli lunged at her, grabbed her by the shoulders and- - -with a mighty scream of exertion- - -threw her at Megas's head, cap flying off her head with the motion.

...

Jamie heard surprised yelling, turned his head away from Coop... and saw an incoming red-white projectile. "Coop, look out!" he yelled as he ducked down.

Turned out the warning wasn't required. Reimu had been caught off guard, yes, but the same agility (and tiny hitbox) that permitted her to graze bullets with abandon also let her keep the outsiders out of her flight path. She brushed against the top of Jamie's headrest, barely squeezing through the gap between it and the ceiling, and then the car shook as she crashed headfirst into the back of the seat next to Kiva. The hula dancer on the dashboard rattled for a bit as Reimu slumped over.

...

Reisen looked back and forth between Patchouli and Megas, blinking in confusion. "What... what just happened? What the...?"

Patchouli tried to speak, tried to formulate some sort of explanation, but her voice only manifested itself as the high-pitched whine that her scream had trailed off into. "- - -aaaaaaaaaaaa- - -..."

"...Wow," Marisa uttered in a near-whisper, surprised as the rest of them. "Way to take one for the team, ze."

"Arms feel like they're on fire?" Alice asked, recovering.

"That, or she pulled her muscles with that throw. Maybe even both." Marisa beamed as she turned to Patchouli. "Speaking of, that throw was absolutely epic! Didn't know you had it in ya!"

"- - -aaaaaaaaaaa- - -..."

"Could be taken to mean that she's more like Coop than she realizes," Alice said, more to herself than the others.

Marisa stared down at the ground disappointedly. "Though now I'm jealous. I'm never going to get to ride in that thing."

"- - -aaaaaaaaaall of my hate," Patchouli finally managed to squeak, little electrical sparks sizzling on her fingertips.

Reisen kept silent, sweatdropping. Welcome to the Eastern Wonderland. We're all mad here.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

...Well, guess that means I'm the volunteer. I should be mad, but... really, Patchouli of all people? I don't think anyone could have seen that coming.

All was silent save for the engines as Reimu recovered her balance, straightening in the seat. The car's occupants stared at her with varying levels of shock, not having seen her get thrown.

Jamie was the first to recover. "So," he offered with a smile, "care for the guided tour? We have refreshments- - -YAHH!"

A long, thin needle whistled past his ear, elicting said shriek, and lodged in the space where the door met the open window. "No," Reimu told him, her own smile radiating with faux-politeness. "I'll take the offer of refreshments, though."

"Hey, careful!" Coop protested, frowning. "Don't damage the interior!"

"Tell your friend that I'm not out for a mate anytime soon, and I'll think about it," was Reimu's reply. "I'm just here to make sure none of you cause any trouble."

"Good luck," Jamie muttered, hands trembling with suppressed shock.

"Let's just get the rest of these things delivered," Kiva suggested, rolling her eyes at Jamie. "The sooner we finish this and go home, the better." She manipulated her holoterminal, bringing up a map of the surrounding area. "What's next?"

"Well... Mom pressed me into taking those seeds along," Coop said, a bit irritated at that little action. "Don't know where I'm gonna take those. Then there's those jelly beans, that used book you got for cheap, the latest issues of Hot Rods and Hamburgers, the Deputy Duck action figures... and I think that's it."

"I still can't imagine how Gensokyo would have a use for those things," Jamie commented, pulling the needle out of the window frame and tossing it back to Reimu. "This place is going forward completely backwards. No wonder they said Enter's princess was bored out of her skull."

"Eientei," Reimu corrected him as Kiva made sure the miko's seat belt was secured.

"Whatever."

"All the more reason to give 'em to her. And that doctor lady said she could work with them. What's your point?" Coop smiled confidently. "You can't go wrong with them. They're the greatest of the greatest... next to a good calzone or ten, of course."

"Back on topic," Kiva interrupted forcefully, "you're sure we don't have anything else I'm allowed to know about?"

"We gave the good stuff away already," said Coop. "Sooo... yeah."

"Then we may as well give the seeds away first and get it over with," Kiva decided, turning to the team's bookworm-appointed babysitter. "Reimu, are there any plant shops at the village where we can just leave these and go?"

"Yes, but I'm not going to let you people fly down in this thing and make everyone panic in the dead of the night," Reimu coldly informed them, arms folded. "Either let me out and I'll take them there myself, or set down outside the village and let me escort you in on foot."

"Or we could just chuck 'em into that sunflower field we saw," Jamie suggested. "Let whomever finds 'em deal with 'em. Not like anyone's going to complain."

"There's probably no restaurants open at this hour anyway," Coop agreed, turning Megas around. "Sunflower field it is!"

Reimu had a sudden premonition at that point. Sunflower field?... Her eyes widened. No! I should say not! "Hold on, wait- - -WAH-OOOOF!"

Megas's engines roared, and the mech launched forwards at an upwards angle. Reimu knew it was fast, but she hadn't been prepared for it to go that fast; the sheer speed kept her pressed against the seat, and the air rushing against her face from the open windows made it a bit difficult to speak.

After a minute or so, Coop brought Megas to a sudden stop in mid-air. "Alright, I think we've gotten- - -...whoops. Hey Jamie, sorry about that back there."

"I'm sitting up front, Coop."

"...It's an easy mistake to make, alright? Hey Reimu, sorry about that back there."

"Are you alright?" Kiva asked, concerned for who was supposed to be their protector. "I probably should've warned you about his lack of impulse control..."

"...On second thought... hold the refreshments for later," Reimu groaned, having doubled over her seat belt. Her hands were near her mouth and stomach, and she wasn't feeling as well as she'd been earlier. "Maybe then they wouldn't be going to waste."

"I said I was sorry!"

/-/-/-/-/-/

At the same time the argument over who was going to keep a close eye on Coop was taking place, a minor emergency was taking place elsewhere.

"Yukari-sama?... Yukari-sama, please wake up!"

Yukari didn't respond to those entreaties, of course. Gensokyo's overseer was engaging in her favorite pastime, one that had been taking up much more of her time in recent weeks as winter edged nearer and nearer: heavy snoozing with a forty-percent chance of snoring. As such, her shikigami's words fell on deaf ears.

Ran sighed and stood up, walking off into the hallway. She shook her head at the two individuals standing there. "I'm sorry, but she's pretty well into it. I think she may have already started."

Bells chimed as Yuyuko giggled knowingly. "Leave that to me," she said, holding up a list to her face as she turned to Youmu. "Wood planks? Duct tape? Empty ice cream bucket?"

"Check, check, and check," Youmu confirmed, looking things over.

Yuyuko marked those off. "Half-full hairspray can? Snappily-dressed jackalope plush doll? Flour?"

"Triple-check."

"Bag of marbles? Window fan? Aaaand the trumpet?"

"It's all here, Yuyuko-sama."

"Excellent. Let's get to work, Youmu."

Youmu dragged all of the items into Yukari's sleeping quarters. The bemused Ran took it all in before staring at Yuyuko questioningly; at the back of her mind, she registered the fiery spark-like patterns on the ghost princess's standard kimono. "I'm almost afraid to ask, but what are you doing with our things?" Aside from the ice cream bucket, I mean?

"I'd explain it to you, but it gets rather technical," Yuyuko said with a smile before following Youmu inside, sliding the door shut behind her.

Ran waited anxiously for most of two minutes, pacing up and down the hall; as ever, Yuyuko's default state was "Whimsical Puzzle". At the end of it all she turned to look at the door, wondering if she should try again- - -...

"AAAGGGH! Alright, alright, I'm up, I'm up!"

...only to have that problem taken out of her hands.

/-/-/

"So what's so important that you had to wake me up this close to wintertime?" Yukari groused not long afterward, rubbing the last traces of sleep from her eyes. "What's the big secret?"

"The Netherworld received a visitor earlier this evening," Yuyuko explained as they walked down the halls of Yukari's home. Youmu and Ran were about ten paces behind, maintaining their silence. "Someone you know quite well. I was given a request to pass on the individual's regards."

"And it wasn't anyone that could have waited until spring?"

"To be more precise, it was a trio of visitors. And before you guess, it wasn't the Prismrivers."

Beat. "...And how is that important?"

Yuyuko smiled. "They were aided in their visit by a shining wizard."

"A shining wiz- - -..." Yukari paled. "...No. They didn't. They didn't."

Ran noticed the change in her demeanor immediately. "Yukari-sama, what's wrong? Who are these visitors?"

"Ran, I have something urgent to take care of," Yukari told her, completely no-nonsense as a gap opened up before them. "Either stay here or follow me, but be quick about making your decision." Without another word, she stepped on through and into the dark sky beyond.

Ran turned questioningly to Yuyuko. The ghost princess looked up at the ceiling for a second as if in thought. "Just between you and me, I think most of it is faked," she admitted before following Yukari through the portal and prompting her confused swordsman to follow her.

It only took two seconds at most for Ran to make her decision. "Well, it isn't as if this night can get any stranger," she told herself as she jumped through the gap, listening to it hiss shut behind her.

Poor choice of words, kitsune.

/-/-/-/-/-/

Yuuka was still sitting at the hills when the Sentinel flew in, looking as if it were in a hurry if the sheets of flame at its back were any indication. Just as quickly as it arrived, it came to a sudden halt while the fire suddenly extinguished itself. She watched as it remained still, apparently unsure as to what to do, and waited to see what would happen next.

Eventually the Sentinel noticed her and lowered itself down to the ground. Yuuka stood up, deciding to greet it appropriately. Well, then... I guess there's a plus to this after all. Being this tall means I get to stand eye to... eyes? There are humans in it... and they look to be some of the oddest beings I've seen in a while. And what's with that head and those lights?

...Well. Never let it be said that I didn't try to be cordial. I wonder how well they can take a joke? "Good evening," she called out in greeting, smiling gently. "I don't see humans too often in this neck of the woods. What brings you out here?"

...

An orb of darkness drifted aimlessly through the area.

Rumia saw nothing, though she heard a lot of loud noises. She focused, trying to determine what they were but not being successful. She thought she smelled something human, meaning that a long-neglected meal was waiting for her, but try as she might she couldn't find it.

That's not nice. Are they just very good at hide-and-seek?

By chance, Rumia flew close enough that something metallic edged through her darkness and brushed against her face, startling her but doing nothing to hurt her. She stopped and turned to look, curious, but couldn't make out any details. For a second she considered releasing her shroud to better see what she was investigating, but decided that keeping up the fear factor in case any humans showed themselves was more important.

It wouldn't be a stretch to say that Rumia was known for giving fairies a run for their money where their lack of intelligence was concerned.

...

"Givin' out gifts to people," the fat one said, eating something. "Want one?"

"That's quite alright, but no." Yuuka nodded once in the direction of the sunflower field. "I already have everything I need."

"You sure? No idea what you're missing."

"Quite sure."

...

"Alright, suit yourself." Coop adjusted his rearview mirror, looking at the backseat. "Looks like it's the Village after all, guys."

"Better keep it slow this time," Kiva said, glancing at Reimu. "We don't want an incident on our hands."

"You really don't," Reimu uttered, looking just this side of green.

In most cases, this would've been a cut-and-dry scenario. Those cases all shared one thing in common: none of them involved Coop and Megas, and even just turning around could cause a disaster.

And that was exactly what it did. As soon as Coop turned the steering wheel, Megas's leg shifted- - -and Rumia discovered that "footing the bill" could be taken very literally, as she found herself kicked square in the face. The durability that all youkai in Gensokyo possessed guaranteed her survival, but there was more than enough force to make her lose control of her darkness shroud and deliver her clear to the Garden of the Sun. Cause, meet Effect: several sunflowers had their stalks snapped via a dazed idiot colliding with them.

Just like that, the atmosphere in the area became much colder.

/-/-/-/

They didn't. ...They didn't. ...Oh-ho-ho, they didn't.

But they did. They'd pulled a fast one on her, deliberately damaging plants in her presence. And not just any plants, but the sunflower garden where she liked to spend a lot of her time.

"Giving gifts out to people", he said. He lies. I was a fool to think that the Garden would weather any storm. That Sentinel of his is too dangerous to stay intact, and these humans are blights upon Gensokyo's surface.

Well, if they're the blights... then I'm the purification.

/-/-/-/-/-/

Coop and the others immediately noticed when the air around them seemed to become much more volatile. It seemed to be centered on that giant youkai he'd had been talking to a moment before... but they couldn't have done anything to make her angry that quickly, right?

"Coop?" Kiva said, feeling on edge. This was a sensation of extreme danger the likes of which she'd never noticed with Suika, closer to what she typically felt over the course of the Glorft war. "What did you do this time?"

"I didn't do nothing, I swear!"

Jamie looked around anxiously. "I think I heard a snap. Did anyone else hear a snap?"

Reimu said nothing, instead wishing she could shoot danmaku with her glare alone. Maybe then, she thought darkly, Coop would get the fact that he's too dangerous for Gensokyo through his thick skull.

"Around here, it's rude to engage in catastrophes before introducing yourself," the giant woman chastised them, her smile clearly false.

Megas's pilot looked unsure. "...Um...my name's Coop. What's yours?"

The youkai's fearsome look was a far cry from the friendly face they'd initially seen her with. "I am Yuuka Kazami," she stated, eyes glowing softly. "You killed my flowers. Prepare to die."

"...Well, that's new," Jamie said after a moment, sounding oddly put off.

Reimu couldn't resist a bit of sarcasm, not yet having gotten over her carsickness. "What's that? That she's letting herself get worked up over some damaged plant life? That's not unusual at all."

"No. That's not a dress she's wearing."

Kiva shook her head. "...Seriously, Jamie? Seriously? That's the first thing that gets your attention?"

"C'mon, I'm just saying!"

In the background, Rumia- - -still dazed and unaware of the situation- - -recovered enough to fly towards the far side of the Garden, unaware that the prey she was looking for was in the opposite direction. Closer still, a loud, somewhat sickening noise prevented further conversation; the youkai had shouldered her parasol for a moment and was cracking her knuckles ominously. "If you're done talking of inconsequential topics, then let's play 'Borrowed Time'."

"I've never heard of that game before," Coop said, ignorant of Reimu's disapproving look in the mirror. "How do you play?"

"The rules are simple," Yuuka explained, expression simultaneously frightening and mirthful as she pointed her parasol at them. "Rule Number 1, I punch you. 1A, you fall down. 1B, I win. Once and forever."

Coop was more annoyed than scared. "Lame. How 'bout we play 'Bash the Squid' instead? That's much more fun. Play it almost every week."

"Imagine that I'm humoring you, little big human. How do you play?"

"Easy." Coop revved the engine... "You attack...and I kick your butt!" ...and charged, the earth quaking with each step that Megas took. The noisiest guitar ever heard in Gensokyo blasted out from the car's speakers as the battle began, making the others cover their ears and grimace.

/-/

Yuuka accepted the challenge enthusiastically, matching Megas's speed and meeting the mech halfway across the valley. Experimentally, she let the initial haymaker deck her squarely in the jaw... and raised an eyebrow when the punch actually succeeded in tilting her head a bit. In reciprocation, she swung her parasol two-handed at Megas's left shoulder joint- - -and was legitimately surprised that the arm broke off a little bit too easily. Something about this...

Her suspicions were confirmed when Megas snatched its falling arm out of the air, and she realized that there was no shrapnel or broken metal where the parasol was supposed to have hit the joint. That realization didn't prevent her from ducking when Megas swung its detached arm at her, or swerving a bit to one side to avoid an overhead strike, but she wasn't quite evasive enough: another overhead blow on the heels of the first one succeeded in hammering the top of her head, making her stumble but not fall.

/-/-/

As the battle begun, a night sparrow's attention was firmly riveted not on the clash between titans, as one would expect it to be, but on the loud music that was echoing back to her from one of them. She remained still for a good while, her mouth hung open a centimeter, as she let her hearing be clouded with drums, bass and intense guitar riffs.

Mystia didn't linger near the battlefield for long, finally fleeing when the danger she was in fully sunk into her mind. Even so, the seed had been planted... and someday, she would remember.

/-/-/

Yuuka didn't stay destabilized for long, swinging her parasol one-handed immediately upon recovering. This time she made contact, and Megas was blown back to the opposite side of the valley; a defensive circle that briefly formed around the machine when it was struck reminded her that the Spell Card system was in full effect. Her smile was rather dissonant as she watched her opponent stand back up and reattach its arm; her own minor aches completely faded by the time that action was done. You have a long way to go before- - -...

She hadn't finished her thought when both of Megas's shoulders opened up, shooting off what she would quickly come to know as Coop's danmaku of choice. Yuuka immediately jumped up and over the missiles, neatly evading all thirty of them before returning the favor in the form of twin arcing waves of energy shots. Any hope she had that the Sentinel would attempt to tank the hits, wrapping things up nicely, were dashed when it reached out and caught those bullets that were heading directly towards it- - -four in all, then quickly made use of them before they could dissipate.

/-/

On one of the screens inside Megas, a little 8-bit baseball pitcher wound up and threw a ball at a catcher's mitt. It wasn't quite a fastball and it didn't fall out of the strike zone soon enough, making it an easy target.

/-/

As she landed, Yuuka swung at the incoming bullet before it reached her. There was a loud crack as her parasol made contact with it, but the shot sailed far off to the left into the distant reaches of Gensokyo.

(0-1)

The pitcher threw again, but the pitch lacked any semblance of control. Yuuka didn't bother moving her parasol for this one, letting it whistle on past, and gave Coop a look of complete contempt. "Are you going anyplace with this, or should I just vaporize you now?"

(1-1)

Coop answered by thumbing Up-Up-Down-Left-A on one of his older joysticks. The pitcher's next throw was rather... twisted, leaving the batter flailing and missing.

Yuuka saw the bullet flying at her and made to either hit it back or dodge as needed... but even as it flew, the bullet swerved up and down, sideways, twisting, turning, which-way-is-it-going-to-go, no-it's-that-way, lemme-get-lunch-first, to the point that was it close to impossible to tell where the shot was going to end up. By the time it reached her it was too late to do anything about it, and it struck her right hand with substantial force.

"Whoa. Knuckleball," Jamie uttered with a smile. "Nice."

Reimu wondered for a moment if her Yin Yang Orbs could be used for a similar purpose, but dismissed the thought in favor of the showdown.

(1-2)

"Enough of this." Yuuka shook her right hand a bit, keeping the parasol held with her left. "This is a battle, not some silly game."

"Really? 'Cause I'm having fun," Coop answered her, continuing to manipulate the controls. The pitcher's final throw was aimed at maximum force straight down the middle of the plate, but Coop wasn't finished yet.

Yuuka was ready this time, and she sent the bullet rocketing back to Megas one-handed. Again, she expected Coop to either tank the hit intentionally or else be too slow to react. Again she was caught by surprise as Megas had already been moving, grabbing the shot as it flew back and letting itself be spun around. As the machine finished its rotation, Megas slung the bullet back the other way.

The resulting BOOM as the shot broke the sound barrier distracted Yuuka for just a moment, long enough for it to strike her face directly between the eyes. This time she fell, hitting the ground headfirst with a dazed, open-mouthed smile.

(STRIKEOUT)

"...If I had money, I would've bet that wouldn't have worked," Reimu managed to say after a moment. She shook her head. "But I'm sure you remember Suika. She's not going to stay down just like that."

Sure enough, Yuuka hopped to her feet as Reimu finished speaking. The vibrations invoked by her feet landing on the ground shook Megas and caused several damaged trees at the far end of the battlefield to collapse. "Impressive," she begrudgingly admitted. "And here I took you for a complete fool."

Coop's face brightened. "So I'm not a fool?"

"I said 'a complete fool'. Even half a fool is still a fool."

"Oh, yeah?" Coop outwardly glared at Yuuka, but inwardly he was racking his brain for a witty comeback. "Well... who's the other half?"

"If you bantered as well as you fought, this would actually be a decent evening." Yuuka's free hand tightened as she frowned. "But you had the gall to obliterate my favorite plants when all I did was greet you politely. Be it fist, parasol or bullets I will see you dead by midnight, and I'll scatter your broken Sentinel to the ends of Gensokyo. Consider that your payment for daring to challenge the Flower Master of- - -"

"Excuse me, Miss Kazami," Kiva interrupted, "but with all due respect, could we just get back to fighting each other?"

"I'm allowed to make a speech every now and again, human," Yuuka said. "You deserve to know in your final moments what it is you're really up against, after all."

"Yes," Kiva answered with annoyance, "but the real question is, 'Is Coop going to care?'"

Coop emitted a mild belch. He smiled, patting his belly. "Ooh. That was a good snack. Wonder if I have time for another?" He opened up a nearby compartment, pulling out another triple-decker sandwich made up of all the ingredients he could get his hands on. A glare from Reimu in the rear-view mirror made him put it back before he could take a bite, however.

"...Point to you," Yuuka conceded. "Let's keep going."

The two combatants charged at each other once more, fists raised to strike.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Three magicians and a moon rabbit flew across the cloudy night sky, their unity in flight a sharp contrast to the all-out free-for-all they were engaged in earlier. All four of them had agreed that they needed to catch up to Megas, even if it was strictly for their own purposes. It took them a while to close the distance, though: Coop's machine was very speedy for its size, and it was no short journey that it had made.

Off to one side, Yukari silently watched as the four of them flew past without detecting her group. From afar she and her shikigami could hear the explosions, metallic clanking, and the familiar 'whoosh' of danmaku being fired, and she could see lights flashing against the background occasionally. Discreetly, she opened up a gap to see who Megas was fighting- - -...

Whoever it was swerved just out of the gap's view as it was opened, and the same thing happened on her next attempt. Undeterred, Yukari closed it and tried something different: instead of leaving her next portal's end point in a fixed location, she did some quick mental math and attached a smaller one to the brim of Marisa's hat. The gap would move whenever she herself did, making it convenient for spying on the go.

Immediately, Yukari could hear the others' voices as they flew along. She listened as Alice spoke to her unlikely friend: "- - -for the last time, Marisa, just admit defeat. You're acting like a child."

"All of us do," Marisa retorted. "Being an adult's not too different from being a kid. It's just that you're more attached to your toys."

"How could you be an adult?" asked a disbelieving Reisen. "You don't look a day past fifteen."

"I'll have you know that I'm at least twenty years old," Marisa stated proudly. "I just look younger whenever there's an incident in progress. Same with Reimu."

"That doesn't make any sense- - -!"

"Absurd aging aside, that doesn't give you an excuse to procure Coop's services for yourself," Patchouli informed her, sounding as if she was suppressing pain. "Adding one idiot to another idiot just creates a bigger idiot."

"Which leads me to a question," Marisa said. "What happens when you add an idiot to a genius? Do they cancel each other out, or do you get a genius ditz...?"

...

"Yukari-sama, how long are they going to babble on without rhyme or reason?" Ran whispered to her master, careful not to make herself heard across the mobile gap.

"Ssssh. Wait for it," Yukari whispered back, a ghost of a smile on her lips. "Take it from me. This is more entertaining than any sitcom."

...

"...a positive integer," Alice was saying. "Why do you ask? You're not saying that you and Coop...?"

"I was thinking closer to Patchy and Jamie," Marisa clarified. "Something tells me she'd probably be better friends with him than Coop."

"Jamie? Him?" Reisen exclaimed, incredulous. "When he was at Eientei, he tried to hit on me! How could anyone be friends with him?"

"I think he attempted to do the same to me, come to think of it," Alice added. "I was a bit distracted at the time."

"That's strange," Patchouli said. "When we crossed paths tonight, you both looked completely unharmed."

"Not quite what we're talking about." Alice's voice was almost lost beneath Marisa's chortling. "Hasn't anyone ever told you what that phrase means?"

"I tried asking my familiar about it once, but she never really explained it to me. Why does everyone keep saying that a nice person like him was being violent?"

...

Yukari pretended not to hear Yuyuko's failed attempt to stifle her giggles.

...

A sigh. "Miss Alice, could you field this?" Reisen asked, exasparated. "I can't think with all this lunacy in the air."

"Alright," Alice agreed. "To put it simply, it means..." Her voice did a complete shift mid-sentence, changing from calm and in control to nervous and terrified. In the far distance, she and the others put on the brakes. "...dear sweet mother of Makai!"

"That's not what it means!" Marisa tried to defend herself. "It means more like..." Her speech underwent a similar shift to 'completely awestruck'. "Someone hand me my chin off the ground."

Patchouli was quiet, possibly driven to speechlessness.

"Kirisame? Miss Alice?" Reisen was heard asking. Yukari could sense the fear that eminated across the gap. "Would someone mind telling me just who it is that Megas is fighting against?"

At that moment, there was a cacophany caused by a series of impacts... and then Yuuka charged into view of Yukari's party, having just gotten done shoulder-ramming Megas at her top speed. She threw it to the ground, jumped and attempted to impale it with her parasol on her way down, only for Megas to block it with dual buzzsaws concealed in its wrists. This gave the mech enough time to blast Yuuka with twin energy beams from its headlights, forcing her back for a few seconds and giving Coop enough time to bring Megas back to its feet.

Ran and Youmu both watched warily, shivering as they restrained the impulse to flee the area in case the fight should head their way. Yuyuko seemed unphased, but with her it was hard to tell where her emotions really were.

Yukari herself regarded Megas and Yuuka with a conflicted face, struggling to keep her feelings on the matter at bay as the two stared each other down. She remembered that the portal was still open, and she tapped the appropriate boundaries needed to close it. The last thing she heard before it was sealed was Alice's voice, reduced to a fearful shade of its former self:

"An abomination in the shape of a flower."

An engine and a youkai roared as one, and the fight was on again.

/-/-/-/-/

"...Well," Marisa murmured as she stared at the brawling colossi. The group was far enough away that they conceivably weren't in danger from them, but with Megas's tendencies for collateral damage it wasn't a guarantee. "Someone gave Yuuka the wrong kind of fertilizer."

"A crude yet effective way of summarizing the brutally obvious," Patchouli noted. "Mind cluing those of us who haven't read the Chronicles recently in on who she is?"

"Yuuka Kazami. Called the Flower Master of the Four Seasons for being really good with all sorts of plants," Marisa explained, never once losing her focus on the showdown. Good thing, since it allowed her to utilize a Narrow Spark to pierce and disperse one of Yuuka's stray shots. "Rumor has it that she's on friendly terms with the Village's resident florist just because they share a mutual love for flora."

Patchouli 'hmm'ed quietly. "Doesn't seem too terribly bad- - -"

"A nightmare," Alice interrupted, sounding increasingly terrified; Reisen noticed that she had a death grip on her grimoire, her knuckles whitening. "She's an a-absolute nightmare of a powerhouse. She might act n-nice, but cross her once and suddenly she's terror i-incarnate. Bad dreams. V-very bad dreams."

Marisa snapped her fingers as she remembered something. "Oh hey, didn't she once make you work as a- - -"

"Finish that sentence and I'll end you," Alice warned, eyes blazing yellow. Reisen thought she detected a hint of pleading in her voice, but she wasn't sure.

Marisa shrugged, not taking the puppeteer's threat seriously enough to show any fear. She did listen to the request, though.

"Botanist and living nightmare," Patchouli said as they watched Yuuka escape Megas's grip in time to avoid being suplexed. "Not the most unusual of combinations in Gensokyo..."

"True," Marisa agreed. She pointed at Patchouli and Reisen in turn. "But remember that I wouldn't have been able to effectively take on your respective bosses without outside help."

Patchouli's eyes widened. "Wait, you can't seriously be saying...?"

A battle-eager smile. "There's a reason I tagged it and Non-Directional Laser with 'Love Sign'," Marisa said as a pack of bomblets from Megas detonated spectacularly against Yuuka's parasol. "I loved 'em enough to steal them, ze."

"..."

Reisen gave her a strange look, somewhere between "you've-got-to-be-kidding-me" and "not-dignifying-this". If she'd bothered to look at Patchouli, she would've seen the same expression. Alice, who'd known of it already, closed her eyes as if it would help disperse Marisa from her memories altogether.

There was no point in continuing to speak, whether it was in reference to Yuuka's power or Marisa's audacity. The very fact that the human was still alive despite all of it was evidence enough, so all that could be done at this point would be to serve as spectators for events beyond their control.

/-/-/-/-/

The first few minutes of the fight had given Yuuka enough time to get her emotions under control. She still felt the urge to obliterate the humans for their transgression, true, but at least she could do so with a clear head. The blows Megas had landed reminded her that it paid to be cautious, even against a weaker opponent.

Neither of them had used any Spell Cards yet. Yuuka wasn't sure if this was because Megas didn't have any to speak of, or if they were just being saved for a last resort. None of its attacks so far had any real 'pattern' to them, save for that silly little sequence where her own bullets were being thrown back at her.

I wonder what it will take for them to reach that point? ... Though I don't know if I'm one to talk, in light of the fact that I only have four Cards to my name, and one of them is basically "the same but more"...

As she dodged around fifty missiles and energy pulses in quick succession, Yuuka caught a look inside the Sentinel's head and glimpsed who she thought was the Hakurei miko. I recognize the face. She's grown up a bit, I see... though didn't she have purple hair before? Now it's dark brown, almost black. She swung her parasol, knocking Megas's arm away before it could strike her, then shifted quickly to the side to avoid a follow-up swing. Just how long has it been? Maybe I need to keep more up to date on these things.

Swerving around, Yuuka jabbed forward with her parasol- - -and had it intercepted by a steel hand. Letting go of it for a moment, she reached in to drive her fist into her opponent, only to find that one caught as well. As the parasol crashed to the ground, she decided to test Coop's mettle with a quick volley of punches... all the better to cash in whenever she found a hole in Megas's defense.

Coop had a similar idea, as Megas's own fists lashed out... four, five, six times. To his dismay and Yuuka's delight, the metal gave way before her strikes, crumpling both hands entirely. Cackling, she kicked her parasol back into her grasp and threw back her arm to swing- - -...

"AGH!"

...- - -only for Megas to jettison both broken fists directly into her face. She shook her head as they exploded, swatting the smoke away. A mild nuisance, that, and nothing that she couldn't handle- - -...

Brilliant white lights shined directly into Yuuka's eyes from within Megas's arms. Reflexively she threw her left arm in front of them, shielding her view. "I can still tear you in half with one arm," she warned, "so don't try anything fun- - -huh?"

Through the light, she could see the fins near Megas's head twitching a few times. What on ea- - -...

A flare of orange from Megas's back, and the Sentinel tackled her at full throttle before she could react. As it left a wall of teal light behind it, being too fast for human (and some youkai) eyes to properly track, Yuuka was smashed through assorted trees and boulders before finally being driven into a plateau a kilometer away. Shattered rocks and debris collapsed around her, concealing her from sight.

...

As the Nitrous boost wore off and Megas took a few steps to the side of the furrow it left behind, Coop smiled ruefully. "You know, I always wondered where I put those things," he said, replacing Megas's hands as he spoke.

"What- - -the Nitrous?" Jamie asked.

"No, no. Those floodlights."

"Wait. You forgot you had them stashed there?" Reimu inquired, echoing Kiva's thoughts. "Why would you even need to put them there in the first place? Would they have any use aside from blinding people?"

-?-

As the sun went down, a pair of lights shone down on a table in Coop's backyard. Sitting there in an open carry-out carton was a mammoth hamburger, covered in cheese, bacon, pickles, hamburger, onions, lettuce, tomato, and hamburger. The whole thing weighed at least two pounds, and in Coop it instilled awe and hunger in equal measures. One could easily imagine a choir singing somewhere in the background.

-?-

"...Probably," Coop answered, shrugging. "I don't see why not."

"But- - -"

"Let it go, Reimu," Kiva said sharply, taking a quick look out the windshield before turning her eyes to the console. "Sooner or later we'll learn not to ask stupid questions around him, but until then Yuuka's still in the game."

"Did you just call my questions- - -?!"

"Come oonnn," Coop interrupted them, his tone confident. "Did you see how hard and fast Megas hit her? I don't care what kind of giant she is; she ain't getting up after that."

The rocks shifted a tinge... and were blown away as wave upon wave of danmaku pierced through them, disintegrating some and exploding others. Megas was blasted back by the assault, racking up a dozen hits in two seconds and triggering the Spell Card system's prerequisite shield in the process. Yuuka didn't seem to notice this, swinging her parasol with one hand and swiping at the air with the other to produce a circular shot pattern that spun outwards in all directions.

And if the snarl, glowing eyes and sense of doom- - -the latter provided by the nostalgically dangerous and equally noisy music- - -were any indication, Coop had just succeeded in making her angrier than she'd been previously. Any remaining mirth the woman had was gone.

"Please tell me it's not too late to high-tail it for home!" Jamie begged, looking around frantically as Coop finally recovered enough to go evasive.

"Took you long enough," Reimu groused, gripping her seat tightly. Out of habit, she watched for holes in the shot pattern as memories of her second fight with Yuuka started to come back. Must be the music, she thought.

Even Coop seemed to be having second thoughts in the face of terror incarnate. "Maybe we could run for the Barrier the next time we knock her down? We don't have to give out all of the gifts today..."

"I'll send you back outside Gensokyo once we get to the shrine," Reimu agreed. "Ideas, anyone?"

There was a ping from the dashboard, and Kiva opened a corresponding menu on her holo-terminal. "We've got more attack options available. Let's pack up and get out of here."

Coop nodded and grabbed another joystick, doing a complete circle on the directional pad and hitting both action buttons.

Behind the Eight Ball

In a short interval between danmaku waves, Megas cupped its hands in front of it and projected a large black orb marked '8' straight at Yuuka's face, its appearance and flames like those that decorated one of the prototype's arms. She did nothing to react to its approach, continuing her shot pattern, and cried out in surprise at the attack's concussive force.

As soon as the attack made contact, Coop spun the steering wheel around and pressed down on the accelerator. Megas did a quick 180 and jetted off parallel to the ground- - -...

"Beg your pardon, mincemeat?"

Considering that they'd just left Yuuka behind, they weren't sure where the voice had come from. For the moment it didn't matter, as a dim circular light had formed beneath where Megas had been. Equating being in that light to being caught in an enemy's crosshairs, Coop's first impulse was to just keep on going.

That turned out to have been poor playing on his part, as the edges of the slowly-shrinking light jettisoned danmaku of all types at alternating 30-degree angles, while Yuuka herself shot needle-like bullets straight at them. There were far too many for Megas to safely dodge; the mech was driven into the dirt, its body riddled with scorches and tiny holes from all the impacts.

"Forgot she could do that," Reimu complained as Coop struggled to work Megas back to a less-than-horizontal stance. "She likes using short-range teleports to throw her enemies off balance."

"To put it another way, unless we can wear her down we won't be able to leave?" Kiva asked for clarification, her displeasure increasing.

"And to make it worse, none of her attacks so far were Spell Cards," Reimu continued. "She still has... let's see... at least three to work with."

"Sadly, I won't need any of them to finish this."

Megas had just managed to get itself propped up on its arms when Yuuka dropped down before it, an open hand facing its head. "Your nonsense has gone on for too long," she stated coldly as her hand shone with power. "Sayonara."

"Hey. You like plants, right?" Jamie asked.

"Without question," Yuuka stated, the energy continuing to build up. "Why else would I be trying to obliterate your pathetic excuse for a war machine?"

"Alright." Jamie sat back, satisfied. "That's kinda cool."

To Reimu's surprise, this actually made Yuuka hesitate. "...What? You're terrified of me, but you're accepting of death?"

"No," Jamie said as the sound of button mashing greeted his ears. A knowing smile crossed his face. "I just wanted you to say the wrong thing."

And with a speed that surprised Yuuka, Megas twisted itself into position to deliver a kick straight at the youkai's hand, causing the energy buildup to backfire and explode in her face. Coop didn't stop there, using Megas's built-up momentum to sweep Yuuka's legs out from under her and finally get the mech upright.

Before Reimu or Kiva could tell Coop to press the attack, he was already on it. While Yuuka was still in mid-fall trying to process what had just happened, a row of switches were flipped from left to right with a single swipe of Coop's hand.

And the moment her backside hit the earth, twin gatling guns hidden in Megas's wrists were besieging her with a high-intensity barrage of emerald energy bolts, all of them containing enough power and heat behind them to punch clear through several feet of solid steel. Both guns continued to fire as quickly as Coop could mash buttons until their supplies of ammo were fully expended.

...

It took Yuuka a little bit longer to recover from this assault than it did from the previous two knockdowns, but recover she did. As Megas stepped back she stood up, some of her skin reddened and smoke trailing off the places where the guns had been hitting. Jamie noticed with some silent dismay that aside from a few small holes in her vest, her clothes were completely undamaged.

"Eeesh. Just what does it take to put her down for the count?" Coop complained.

Reimu rolled her eyes. "Believe me when I say this, Coop. She has a reputation as Gensokyo's strongest youkai for a reason."

Any further discussion was interrupted by a seething Yuuka, another one of those false smiles framing her face. "What, so you changed your mind about leaving? Good. I was concerned that I hadn't brewed any tea for you yet."

"Oh, don't worry. I ain't leaving," Coop stated, giving every indication that he was ticked off. "You called my games silly, called my sweet ride a war machine- - -"

"- - -Which it technically is," Kiva said in mid-rant.

"- - -and to top it off, you called Megas 'pathetic'! Be mean and nasty all you want, but no one, and I mean no one insults Big Blue!"

Yuuka expelled a deep breath as she shouldered her parasol. "...Suit yourself. Just remember:

"I warned you."

...

Reimu remained quiet for a time even as the duel continued. Finally, she slowly and deliberately covered her face with one hand. "Andru-san, if and when we escape with our lives, please don't tell anyone that I'm sympathizing with Patchouli right now."

"Deal."

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Yukari reclined against a gap and watched the battle from afar, her mind only half-focusing on what was taking place before her.

She had thought that it was impossible for Coop and the others to come waltzing back into Gensokyo with their technology, unless there was extreme magical shenanigans involved. From what had been explained to her at Remilia's mansion previously, the Lunarians were the ones responsible for the first incident.

Munch munch munch.

So unless they returned to the moon and... ...no, that's not very likely. They already accomplished what they wanted to do when they went there before, and they wouldn't risk drawing the Lunarians' attention towards them again. That Kiva's smart enough to know that.

Munch munch munch.

They couldn't have used Megas's systems to determine a safe way into Gensokyo. The magic of the barrier cannot be interacted with by modern science; the Hakurei line and I have seen to that. The lights clicked on upstairs, but Yukari gave no outward sign that she was thinking any of this. Unless Megas has some sort of unique ability to call its own, or else it- - -

Munch munch munch.

...Guh. Yukari's head rotated fifteen degrees to the left, permitting her companion to appear in her peripheral vision. "...Yuyuko?"

Yuyuko put down the food she was eating and gave the overseer a beatific smile. "Yes?"

"What, pray tell, are you snacking on?"

"You can't have any. It's not good for your teeth."

"I wasn't asking that. What is it? ...Oh, no." Yukari shook her head, eyes closing partway. "That's not a Philly cheesesteak, is it? Please tell me it isn't."

Her best friend stared at Yukari for a bit, as if contemplating the question... then hurriedly scarfed down the rest of the snack, startling Youmu and both Yakumos. Finishing, she wiped off her mouth and smiled. "What Philly cheesesteak? I don't see any. You must be imagining things, Yukari."

"I saw it right there in your hands."

"Saw what?"

"The food."

"But there isn't any food in my hands. That's crazy talk."

"Yuyuko, I specifically saw you devour a Philly cheesesteak. Why are you so intent on telling me you didn't?"

"If you saw me eat it, why are you asking me about it?"

Yukari clenched her hands, trying not to facepalm. Of all the times... "Not this, not now. Where did you get the cheesesteak, Yuyuko?"

"A fat man came in through the chimney on his quest to give gifts to all the good boys and girls of the world," Yuyuko explained cheerfully- - -...

...and was interrupted by an annoyed Youmu. "Coop got into Gensokyo by way of the Netherworld, Yukari-san."

Yuyuko turned to Youmu, pouting. "Youmu, that's not very nice. The Netherworld is not a chimney. None of the smoke ever escapes."

This time, the urge to facepalm was too great. I can't believe that I woke up for this. "I don't suppose anyone knows how you get into Gensokyo via the Netherworld, without dying?"

"That's easy. By having a shining wizard open the flue, of course!" was Yuyuko's claim, fan before her face as she smiled.

"...Something about all this feels very wrong," Ran murmured as she tried to make heads or tails out of their banter.

"Indeed," Yukari said, opening a portal in time to let a stray missile from Megas fly into it. "December's still a few days from now, and it isn't as if the average youkai follows the outside world's traditions that closely anyway."

Ran didn't respond to that, shutting out Youmu and Yuyuko as they argued.

"I have a strong hunch as to how Megas re-entered Gensokyo, and it's not fun to think about," Yukari continued, closing her eyes. "Yuyuko all but confirmed it for me. It's not that Coop or his friends have special abilities like you or I; by themselves, they're powerless. No, it's Megas itself that enabled them to pass through."

"It's become a tsukumogami?" Ran asked, trying (and failing) to imagine what something that big would look like with a more human-like appearance. "Or is it some sort of 'magitech' mixture?"

"Neither." Yukari opened her eyes again, for once completely serious. "It's Megas's ability that allowed them passage, and one that it has had all along: it can smash things. This isn't like the young Scarlet's ability, mind you. Out and out destruction isn't guaranteed. It won't annihilate something from the word 'go'.

"Rather..." She paused again to divert several large flower bullets from Yuuka off course. "...it's as it says on the box: it smashes. Short and simple. Whether it's the armored chassis of an opposing robot or the emptiness of the void... if Coop decides that something's in his way and he does not stop, there's a very strong chance that Megas will demolish it by the time he's done with it."

Ran paled. "Something... like the border between fantasy and reality?" she hazarded as Youmu and Yuyuko's bickering slowly wound down.

"And between life and death. Such things would not normally be within Megas's reach in today's modern world, or else it would be invincible." Yukari gestured at Gensokyo as a whole. "But when it deals with here, where common sense is lacking and the impossible becomes possible, there's nothing stopping it from coming and going as its crew pleases..."

Ran squeezed her eyes shut for several seconds, shuddering. "You'd think in such circumstances there'd be little choice but to launch an all-out assault, if only to preserve Gensokyo's integrity."

Yukari's haunted gaze made the kitsune's eyes widen. As long as she'd been the overseer's shikigami, she'd never known the youkai-like youkai to have such an alien look. "Trust me," she warned darkly, "when I say that if Megas were to be destroyed, Gensokyo would not be long for this world."

Ran started to say something, then decided otherwise and shut her mouth before returning her eyes to the fight. If her master chose to speak like that, then it was best not to argue.

For a few minutes, no one spoke. They hovered side by side in the clouded moonlight, watching the duel ensue a mile and a half away.

Munch munch munch.

All eyes turned to Yuyuko. She smiled and held out the bag she was holding. "Snacks, anyone?"

"...I don't suppose you want to tell us where you got the popcorn, do you?"

"What popcorn? This is snow candy."

Le sigh...

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

The fight had turned on its head. At the start, Yuuka had been fighting solely with melee strikes and short danmaku bursts. She'd been confident that those would be all she would need to systemically tear Megas apart.

Then the Nitrous had been unveiled, and suddenly the bullet that Megas had thrown at her towards the beginning of the fight looked tame in comparison. Even with the Spell Card system and the youkai's natural resistance to physical attacks, getting hit by something that size going quicker than sound itself had honest-to-goodness hurt. She hadn't felt that much non-magical damage in... ...she couldn't remember. At the very least, it was well before the Barrier was raised.

Yuuka knew then that there was no more holding back. She would let the outsiders see her full strength as she reduced their precious Sentinel to scrap. From that point on, she had been playing for keeps. Of course, that wasn't to say that Coop wasn't doing the same, as insulting his "sweet ride" had led to her being on the receiving end of a hefty barrage... but the odds were definitely in her favor.

And if the fight was prolonged any further than it needed to be... well, there was always the Master Spark.

A clash of danmaku from both parties left the air between them stuffed with smoke, subsequently blown away by a gust of wind. The both of them were hovering about seventy meters into the air, having gradually flown that high over the course of the last few minutes. Seeing Megas stop where it was, Yuuka decided upon the same thing; a few breaths of night air to satisfy her lungs, then she'd get back to work shredding the humans' machine.

But as things turned out, that last part would have to wait. The hatches on the Sentinel's torso opened up, showing a large gun hovering on a set of ventral thrusters. A series of wires and tubes were connected to the gun, leading somewhere into the mech's inner workings and absorbing power from the core. The gun drifted outside, and Megas took hold of it with both hands as the barrel began to shine brightly.

/-/-/

Reimu was gawking at the display. "...You had scores of weapons in there earlier, and I know you're not using magic," she said in disbelief. "Where did they go? Where'd that come from?"

"Beats me," Coop said, shrugging as assorted gauges and displays began to change color. Large, bold and green lettering that spelled out "Idiot Gun" appeared on one of the screens.

Kiva gave Reimu a sympathetic look as she glared at the back of Coop's head, frustrated.

"A better question is, 'what happened to the other superweapons that Coop keeps there?'," Jamie deadpanned. "I'm sure everyone's wondered that, too."

"Ugh. ...You know what? Fine." Reimu threw her hands in the air, almost hitting the roof. "I'm through questioning any of this. Just blast her and beat her already."

Coop grinned. "Now you're speaking my language!" he exclaimed, slamming his hand on four buttons at once.

Streaks of light flew across the windshield to coalesce at the center. The air itself screamed as the Idiot Gun dispensed its firepower, the shot resembling a massive maelstrom of wind, energy, and electricity. The ground nearest the fringe of the beam disintegrated, leaving only smoke and traces of dust.

The gun's titanic blast streaked straight at Yuuka... and sharply veered off course, much to everyone's displeasure. The youkai barely budged as the blast singed her hair in passing before it zoomed far off into the sky, leaving a tunnel through the clouds as it went.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Life in the Lunar Capital had returned to normal following the events of a month previous, and the repairs that the misfit humans had started were completed. The Defense Corps was no longer on high alert, as the Watatsuki sisters had ordered them back to their usual 'stand-by' state.

With the momentary peace and not having much else to do, Sagume had decided to a re-open an exhibit that had been closed down until then, showcasing Lunarian technology past and present. All that was left to do was to place the exhibit's sign outside, and she would be able to invite others to visit once more. She felt herself growing increasingly happier the more she thought about it.

She'd been especially careful not to say anything that could jinx the re-opening. The nature of Sagume's ability was such that reality would twist in any way possible to prevent her spoken words from coming true, so she had to deliberately say the opposite of what she wanted.

A handful of passers-by were lingering around when Sagume carried the sign outside and hung it up, but she was a bit too distracted to see them. Instead, she accidentally opened her mouth and made her inner thoughts known to others:

"The bulk of my work is done... today's going to be a good day for me."

The passers-by froze when they heard Sagume speak, and immediately they dived for cover... just in time as a wave of energy from beyond the Capital struck the building, disintegrating it and most of the technology within while leaving Sagume and those close by completely unharmed. By the time the energy faded, all that was left was the exhibit's sign:

Irreplaceable Science In a Magical Era.

"You have to admit, Sagume," a fellow Lunarian called out, "you were asking for that to happen."

Sagume's only response was to stoop down and bang her head against the fallen sign, much to the others' amusement.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

"...Impressive," Yuuka admitted, eyeing the burnt locks that dangled across a finger. "Faulty, but impressive." She smiled as she let her hand drop, watching as the gun was returned to the Sentinel's confines. "How it would have fared if it had actually managed to hit me, I guess we will never know... but it gives me a better idea as to how you defeated the oni."

"Marisa did it," all four humans spoke at once.

If anyone had been listening more closely, they might have heard a distant sneeze. "...Ah, I see. So your victory over her was entirely accidental?" Yuuka asked. "I guess I was wrong, then...

"Still, you did me the honor of showing me the high-powered beam attack in your arsenal. Thank you." Her eyes flashed red, and her parasol glowed in response. "Now, permit me the honor of showing you mine."

There was no reply for a few seconds, but Yuuka could see the fat human smile. For a moment, it felt like she was facing Marisa all over again. "Bring it on, fire flower," Coop declared at last. "Let's see what you've got!"

"I do love an open invitation. But fair warning: Marisa's spunk in stealing my attack is to be admired..." The parasol's glow became steadily brighter, and Yuuka's voice inceased in volume to match. "...but when you absolutely must reduce everything in your path to a mist of atoms, accept... no... SUBSTITUTES!"

/-/-/-/

Kiva's mind raced. Marisa's Final Master Spark had been large and dangerous enough when she was at normal size, judging by what it did to Suika. Magnifying Yuuka by such a high factor had done the same to her parasol, and as demonstrated already, any attacks launched from it would be far out of proportion to- - -...

A copy of Yuuka split off from her, taking up an attack position close by. Both youkai smiled in anticipation and aimed their parasols at Megas, a loud hum increasing in pitch as they shone with an awesome power.

Double Spark

...

Patchouli and Reisen both looked unnerved and pale, even knowing that this was a Spell Card duel, and quickly bolted for whatever cover they could find. Marisa drifted back out of range but continued to watch, determined to stick it out until the end. Having very vivid memories of Yuuka using this same attack against her once upon a time, Alice clamped a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming and followed the others behind cover.

Youmu whirled around to hide behind Yuyuko, trusting that she would protect her eyes from the attack... only to find that Yuyuko had the same idea in trying to hide behind her. Yukari and Ran said nothing, but instead adjusted the sunglasses that hadn't been on their faces a few seconds before.

...

Reimu didn't have as much success as Alice with her self-control, and Jamie's frightened yell of "There's two of them?! You're kidding me!" wasn't helping her mood. She would've liked to break the back window and escape, but her own honesty made her admit... silently... that she didn't want to see these three lose to Yuuka, either. Reimu's scream was thus less out of fear and more out of frustration, as she couldn't figure out how to set up a victory without outright breaking the Spell Card rules.

Kiva watched apprehensively, hoping against hope that the youkai wouldn't hold anything against them afterward. Jamie had hunkered down and pulled his cap down over his eyes, cringing and whimpering.

"EEE-AAAAAHHHH!"

Reimu had just enough time to be surprised at Coop's own yell before he slammed his forehead against a rather conspicuous button on the control panels. What the...?!

"OBLIVION AWAITS!"

An indescribably electrifying BOOM as the twin flower manipulators let it rip with the Double Spark...

...

If anyone capable of it had been watching from space, they would have seen the hidden paradise cleaved in half by a shining white line.

/-/

Everything was blinding. The fighters. The Garden of the Sun. The surrounding landscape. For those nearest to the spectacle, it felt like the air itself was being violently shaken to the point of destabilizing. If Yuuka and Megas hadn't been high enough off the ground, Gensokyo's landscape would have been irrevocably changed.

Onlookers throughout the land would never forget the sight, for varying reasons. At the distant Youkai Mountain, the wolf tengu Momiji cried out and recoiled as the bright lights seared her vision. For someone with that sort of sharp eyesight, the Double Spark was too dazzling to look at directly.

/-/

Taking no chances with the Village's safety, Keine had worked to hide its history since the battle had begun. Now that her home was safe, she found that she could do little more than watch and worry as the night sky turned into day.

/-/

Tenshi had hoped to be entertained by the surface world's inhabitants, but this went far beyond the Celestial's wildest dreams. As she watched the fight from the safety of Bhava-Agra, she was unable to keep herself from falling to her knees and shivering as she experienced awe and fear in equal measures.

/-/

On the Hakurei shrine's roof Suika giggled and cackled at the far-off display, eyes shining with delight at the response Coop had triggered in his enemy. "If it's not the Deva, it's the Destructor. You sure know how to pick 'em, big guy!" She took a quick drink and raised her gourd towards the sky, saluting her one-time opponent. "Cheers!"

/-/

Reimu couldn't see. None of them could, not in the face of such blinding light. She remembered the first time she had gone up against the Double Spark all those years ago, and it was intimidating enough facing it at normal size. In its amplified state, it would have made Spell Card duels complete trivialities against all but the fastest of opponents, rendering it unfair to use in a heartbeat.

What can I do? What can I do? Please! There's got to be- - -...

She felt the car jerk suddenly, coming to a halt, and heard the sound of metal crashing into fabric. She tried to open her eyes and nearly regretted it, the illumination still too much... but what she could see almost made them widen on reflex.

Both Yuuka and her doppleganger were still locked into the Double Spark but had doubled over, gasping. Reimu realized what must have happened: Megas had charged ahead, ducking beneath their parasols and holding out its arms to nail its opponent(s) in their mid-sections, stunning them just as they'd triggered their attacks.

It had only taken one to bushwhack two. To Reimu, it seemed like an odd reversal of the endless night. Back then with each duel, it had taken two people to get the best of one. Cooperation and teamwork had been the key to resolving that incident, she remembered.

One against two.

Two against one.

Cooperation. Teamwork. A combination of powers...

And with a gasp of her own, Reimu finally connected the dots. She knew how to get herself and these idiots out of the mess they were in. "Kiva!" she yelled, trying to make herself heard over the roar of light and sound. "I need to get inside Megas's heart!" She pointed down at the floor with her free hand.

"INSIDE?!" Kiva exclaimed, her voice barely audible. "Why?"

"Trust me, Kiva! Coop, do you hear me? I've got an idea!"

The soldier opened her mouth for just a second, as if to demand clarification... then quickly closed it. It wouldn't take long for Yuuka to recover from being stunned, so they would have to move quickly; Reimu knew that Kiva was probably thinking along the same lines. Megas was safe from the Double Spark and its attendant danmaku in its current position, but once it wore off the prototype would be fair game once more.

Coop for his part seemed reluctant to listen, but finally he agreed that assistance was needed. "...Fine, but hurry up in there! There's a door in the floor, now GO if you want to help! I've got some weeding to do!"

Reimu nodded and gave the floor a quick examination as she unbuckled her seat belt, looking for something that would allow her to enter Megas's core... but stopped when Kiva's boot tapped a small button before her, opening the hatch that Coop had referred to. After shooting the soldier an appreciative look, she picked up her gohei and jumped into the machine's darkened depths.

...

Reimu had exited the car at just the right time. The magnified Double Spark ran out of power, Yuuka's double faded from existence... and her facial expression defaulted back to 'unrighteous fury'. "The power to disintegrate mountain ranges in a single stroke..." she yelled as she smashed an elbow into Megas, driving it down away from her, "...was not meant to be dodged so easily!"

Coop re-oriented Megas and threw it in reverse, putting it out of melee range. "Next time, watch your blind spot," he shot back. "You wouldn't last a minute on the Jersey Turnpike!"

Yuuka grimaced as the pain in her stomach disappeared. "Don't know what that is, and I'm through caring. All I care about now is finishing this fight and giving you the ending you richly deserve."

"I told you to bring it," Coop reminded her. "Why ain't you bringing it?"

That's the question of the night, isn't it? He's found a way to counter or outlast everything I've been bringing to the table, hanging in there despite everything. Were I fighting without a grudge, I'd be offering a backhanded compliment right now.

...Well, I'll figure something out. I always do.

Yuuka said nothing more on the subject, flying on in to bring the weight and power of her parasol to bear. One way or another, this fight would be ending soon.

/-/-/-/

Reimu couldn't make heads or tails out of anything in this place. Even for something Megas's size, the interior was far larger than it should have been. They didn't even have the excuse of time and space manipulation for this one... but it was a dangerous system regardless. She resolved to ask Kiva about it later.

On the plus side there were no enemies shooting at her, so she could focus entirely on her flight... in theory. On the downside being crushed was a very real possibility, as Reimu quickly discovered. On top of that there were large sections that were almost completely dark, forcing her to land and traverse those passages on foot to keep from slamming headfirst into an unyielding wall. The last danger wasn't helped by Megas's erratic movements, and thrice she had to pick herself off the floor to keep herself going.

At last, Reimu spied a fully illuminated room at the end of the latest tunnel. Her intuition telling her that it was her destination, she charged full tilt into it... and stopped, briefly awed by what she was seeing there. Even knowing that Megas's energy source had to be something powerful, she hadn't quite been prepared for what was present. "...Wow. ...Wow."

/-/-/-/-/

Twisting herself free from an armlock that Megas had managed to catch her in, Yuuka took flight and peppered the mech with a quick barrage of flower bullets to keep it from getting closer. She was tired of being proven wrong in believing that the fight was quickly reaching its conclusion in her favor. Surprises upon surprises, tricks upon tricks. Is there no end to this machine's tenacity?

Of course Megas's head was down to about a quarter of a gas tank, but she had no way of knowing that.

Another storm of missiles interrupted Yuuka for a moment, and she raised her parasol to intercept them. Most of them exploded harmlessly against it, while a few fell below its rim and detonated against her ankles. Feeling that the nearly-negligible damage could be dealt with, she somersaulted in mid-air and stuck out her foot in an axe kick that Megas just barely grazed.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Sitting in the middle of the room was a glass column, with dozens upon hundreds of electric bolts that darted between the floor and ceiling, emitting a constant crackling noise that stung the ears to listen to. Looking at it Reimu could understand why Megas had tons of power to spare, but for the life of her she didn't understand how. Something like this was far beyond what little she knew of the outside world's workings.

Reimu quickly pulled herself together, devoting her mind to the task at hand. But that's okay. I don't need to understand. I just have to figure out what I need to do in order to follow through on- - -...wait.

Wait a moment. If I...

/-/-/-/-/

What next? Should I wait them out, withstand its attacks before dealing a crushing blow? Trigger another Spell Card? I still have the two new ones I haven't used yet, so that's an idea.

Then another thought entered Yuuka's mind, and she smiled dangerously as she made her decision. Of course, I don't really need to play nice anymore...

/-/-/-/-/

The miko was silent as she pondered the sudden brainstorm she'd been struck with. The room shook again and all but threw her to the floor, but she was lost enough in thought that she barely noticed.

...

A soft sigh. I don't know why I'm letting them influence my behavior like this. It's a stupid idea and it could quite possibly spell my end, but... this entire evening has been stupid to begin with. I'll do it.

...

If this fails... Reimu shook her head angrily, dispelling the thought as it formed. No. It has to work. It will work. I'll make it work.

/-/-/-/-/

"DOUBLE DEUCE!"

Before Yuuka could carry out her idea, Megas's hands sliced down onto her shoulders. The youkai's innate toughness saved her arms, but the force she was hit with was still enough to disrupt her flight and send her crashing into the ground thirty meters below. She pushed herself out of the resulting crater, spitting out a mouthful of dirt, and laughed as Megas descended to the ground close by.

Thanks for making it easy for me!

Jumping back to her feet, Yuuka screamed a blood-curdling battle cry that would have put fear into the hearts of the Celestials themselves; Megas's occupants seemed to recoil at this, as she expected. Good. Finish this, finish you, finished forever! "May the Yama have mercy, because I never will!" she yelled, the earth beneath her quaking as she ran forwards. She raised her hand to grab Megas's head- - -...

/-/-/-/-/

A rage-filled cry echoed back to Reimu, barely heard over the electricity and Megas's metallic clanging, and she nodded. She stood up, wiping some imagined dust off her sleeves. It was now or never.

/-/-/-/-/

A minute observation grabbed Yuuka's attention just before she reached her target. She didn't stop her charge by any means, but it did slow down her reaction time by a split second. There was something missing from the fight. Something vital- - -...

That split second lull was enough for Megas. Pivoting on one foot, it spun around and behind Yuuka- - -evading her grab attempt by scant meters- - -and wrapped both arms around her, locking her arms against her sides.

Yuuka almost laughed at this. Standard armlocks wouldn't accomplish anything, so what good would a bear hug do? She barely even felt any pressure at all from the restraints. "My rage alone should have left you shivering in fear," she stated, curious despite herself. Slowly and unstoppably, she pushed her arms away from her body. "Why are you still able to fight?"

/-/-/-/-/

A flick of the hand, and a Spell Card appeared between Reimu's fingers. She chanted softly, focusing her power through it, made as if she intended to use it on herself... then slapped it against the column's casing. The electric crackling intensified, the bolts brightening as a foreign energy source was transmitted- - -...

/-/-/-/-/

"Are you kidding me? Is that all you got?" Megas's oversized pilot declared, trying and failing to keep Yuuka's arms pinned. "If a Squid Doomsday ain't going to be stopping me, you ain't got nothing either. Get mad all you want; I'm not afraid of you no more!"

"Coop, for crying out loud!" both of the other occupants chorused with no small amount of exasparation.

Both of the other occupants...

And even without looking back, Yuuka realized why the situation seemed off. Curious. I don't hear the miko. Where's Hakurei? Why did she- - -...

She would never finish that thought as a storm of light shone from below them both.

...

...

"Why do I get the feeling something awesome is going to happen?" Marisa asked, completely straight-faced.

"I found an undocumented side effect in that medicine," Patchouli complained to Reisen. "I actually agree with her."

Alice kept quiet, hoping to appear at least halfway sane. Is it the 'good' or 'bad' sort of awesome? That's what is important here...!

/-/-/-/-/

From her perspective, the column- - -energy and all- - -turned slightly translucent, the Spell Card glowing as it maintained the effect. Tentatively Reimu lifted her hand and touched the column... and was rewarded as her hand passed through, brushing safely against the electricity without so much as a tingle. Steeling herself, she stepped into the column's interior and raised both hands over her head, directing the bulk of the Card's power- - -no, her power- - -into Megas's systems.

"FANTASY NATURE!"

/-/-/-/

Far away, Yukari's eyes narrowed speculatively as she witnessed a new sigil blaze to life at the machine's feet: two hands- - -one snow white, one inky black- - -connected by their lower palms, with their index and pinky fingers raised in the gesture that Coop and Jamie were fond of using. Too, she recognized the glow that Megas was starting to emit.

...

Coop permitted himself a glance at one of the monitors as five words flashed on it. The smile on his lips as he reached for one of the joysticks to confirm his selection was all too familiar.

It was time to finish this.

Something overrode Yuuka's strength outright, getting a confused "...Eh?" in response, and Megas's grip tightened with a suddenness that surprised her. "Got a message to you from one champ to another," Coop stated, shifting gears and pushing down on the accelerator.

The car's engine roared and a loud BOOM shook everyone's eardrums as Megas triggered all of its boosters at once, quickly accelerating past the sound barrier as it shot far into the sky. Still struggling in its grip as they matched or possibly exceeded the height of Gensokyo's highest mountains, Yuuka could see the land for many miles around- - -even places where she hadn't been to in decades. If this had been done of her own initative, she would have smiled at the sort of view that comparatively few would ever get to see.

This was entirely involuntary, though, and there was no chance of her escaping this time. "What are you planning, obese one?" Yuuka snarled, turning her head enough to make Jamie cower in the face of that glowing red eye. "You won't be able to harm me anymore up here than you would at ground levellllllllll- - -!"

Divine Northern Fist: Fantastic Piledriver

A new song interrupted the battle music: simultaneously majestic and intense, an orchestra blaring at full volume while the drums and bass guitar went along for the ride. Coop and the others felt the power that accompanied it, the sensations that fully implied that someone here was going on a first-class trip dirtside, all expenses paid and no refunds permitted. In Megas's core, Reimu smiled as she recognized those feelings for what they were.

...

Meanwhile, Yuuka's question shifted into a shriek as she was quickly flipped upside down, then Megas plunged towards the distant ground. The prototype began to spin, faster and faster until the combatants could no longer be discerned as anything but a blue, orange, and red tornado. Those things didn't worry her, since if that was all there was she'd be able to fight on after that, albeit at reduced energy.

What did worry her was that Megas seemed to be shifting in and out of reality, its form occasionally becoming somewhat transparent before solidifying again. In addition to that she was beginning to sense a familiar energy at the Sentinel's core. She suspected it was giving the Spell Card the right kind of power needed to bypass her defenses, and...

...and...

...and I think I'm going to be sick!

Yuuka had just enough time to wonder why her opponent wasn't experiencing the same effects before she let herself succumb to the vertigo. Her last clear view before her vision blackened was the sea of yellow and green that was spiraling ever closer.

"ROOCCCK OONNNNNN!"

Touchdown- - -...

Gensokyo lit up for the second time in as many minutes, and a mighty blast of wind and debris howled in the on-lookers' faces. Yukari was quick to trigger the creation of a Quadruple Barrier, shielding herself and those with her; she didn't so much as flinch when a wailing Rumia ricocheted off of it. Patchouli and Alice ducked back behind cover and created shields of their own; these weren't as strong as the Quadruple Barrier, but the two of them were far enough away from ground zero that the defenses lasted just long enough. Marisa and Reisen didn't try anything fancy, instead just hiding behind the others until the danger passed.

The wind gradually dwindled to a light breeze, and the lights lessened until the only illumination came from the cloud-shrouded moon and that which dotted Megas. Yukari and the youkai magicians lowered their respective shields (what was left of them), tentatively investigating the outcome of the combination attack... and cringed. The fallout from this was not going to be pretty.

The source of their unease stood up, remained still and silent for several long moments, then swung both fists into the air triumphantly as a glimmer of light briefly flared upwards across its torso.

SCHWING!

/-/-/-/-/-/

It took a few minutes for Yuuka to will herself awake, and when she opened her eyes she immediately squeezed them shut again. The world was spinning violently, her equlibrium destabilized. Her head pounded with an ache far worse than any alcohol-induced hangover that she could remember having in ages, although it was gradually lessening the longer she stayed still.

That was... that was an unusual way to end a duel. And... I... can't recall clearly, but... it almost felt like I was being attacked by Reimu for a moment there...

After allowing herself a few more moments of recovery, Yuuka opened her eyes. Her vision was still swimming, but she thought she could discern the metal contraption that the humans were using just standing nearby... and as far as size was concerned, she felt incredibly small next to it. Does that mean... that I'm back to normal?...

Two forms climbed out of the machine's head and made their way down to her, one of them flying to the ground and the other being lowered via a giant hand. Both of them were silhouetted by the lights on the thing's head, but Yuuka recognized Reimu's voice as the girl approached: "Is your head all clear? I'm not in the mood to fight again tonight, especially not against you, but I will if I have to."

Yuuka felt more than heard herself answer, the headache still substantial enough to drown out most sensations. Resisting the urge to retch, she spoke: "Is... is that you, Hakurei? What kept you?"

"Supervising a child's playtime," Reimu answered bluntly. The woman next to her snorted softly, amused.

"Interesting way of looking at it..." Yuuka slowly raised herself onto her hands, feeling the reassuring presence of her parasol beneath one of them. "I guess we got out of hand if you're talking to me, though..."

"That shouldn't have been your first clue," spoke Reimu's associate, gesturing at the land around them.

Blink. "What do you mean, human? ... ..." A quick look around... and it was only then that she noticed that they were at the bottom of a large crater. Estimations as to its size weren't coming in, but the fact that there was a crater at all worried her. With some effort, Yuuka got her feet beneath her and flew up slowly past the crater's edge.

The devestation was far worse than she realized. Barring some stubborn sunflowers along the farthest edges, the entire Garden of the Sun was just plain gone. Not just damaged like the Forest of Magic had been before, but GONE. Some of the grasslands, flora and other natural markings around the perimeter had met the same fate, and a fair number of trees had sustained significant damage. Yuuka had little doubt that sunflower pieces littered Gensokyo by now, a thought that made her blood boil...

...Yet, that thought was met by another. While she didn't truly enjoy being a giantess, she had to admit that it allowed her to bring her maximum power to bear on a culprit of equal size. She had probably expended more energy in that one fight than she typically used in one year, having the time of her life in doing so... and she had met her match at the hands of a stronger opponent.

A stronger opponent. A machine... something that isn't even alive... is greater... than me...? I... I can't comprehend that... I just can't comprehend that...

Yuuka descended back to the bottom of the crater, her thoughts conflicted. She heard Reimu and the other human talk, but she wasn't listening. Part of her wanted to rage, to tear apart and crush anything that was nearby. She realized that she was willing to risk Reimu's wrath to do so, for she felt like a piece of her was ripped out after seeing the Garden flicker along the edges of non-existence. At the same time her strength was (for the moment) at an all-time low and she still felt fairly nauseous, while Reimu likely had enough in her for an "extermination" of the more permanent kind...

And the idea of Megas squashing her beneath its feet didn't paint a pretty picture, either. If Yuuka gave in to her anger, that was another fate she could potentially face. Of course she'd survive the experience, but the subsequent humiliation was more than she felt like dealing with. Her hands tightened as she struggled to think, to determine what- - -...

Rumbling and creaking made her look up. The machine was moving again, one of its hands near its head, and Yuuka could discern its controllers moving around a bit up there. Finally the hand lowered, and the machine stooped down a little. Yuuka squeezed her eyes shut, took a deep breath, and braced herself for a final blow- - -...

Something landed in her hand. Something... papery. As the machine straightened again, Yuuka risked opening her eyes to see what happened.

Sitting there in her palm, nearly as large as the hand that now held them, were four packets of sunflower seeds. Yuuka tried to say something, found that she couldn't...

...and her vision filled up with clouds.

...

Reimu looked on, feeling completely weirded out. Next to her, Kiva scratched her head in confusion and turned to face her. "Is everyone with real power here a complete oddball, or do they just fake it for the visitors?"

"I can't answer that." Reimu continued to stare, not believing what she was seeing. "That bumbling friend of yours... I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. I never thought I'd see the day."

Kiva rolled her eyes. "It happens more often than I'd like to think."

"You misunderstand, Andru-san." Reimu gestured at Yuuka with her gohei. "Look at this. This is the most pathetic thing I've seen in years. Someone with her strength isn't supposed to look so... helpless!"

"See previous answer," Kiva replied, her stance unchanged.

Before them, the Flower Master of the Four Seasons- - -the same woman who would smile politely and joke about such things as genocide and violence, and the same being who had just gotten done pushing Megas's limits- - -was clutching the seed packets close to her like a lifeline, eyes round and glimmering with tears unshed.

Most of those who were close enough to clearly see this sighed in relief and relaxed a little. The night was far from over, and time would tell if Yuuka could keep the smoldering remnants of her fury in check, but it seemed that the worst of it was behind them.

/-/-/-/-/-/

Oooh... ugh... what hit me?

Seija crawled out of the hole she'd created in the hillside, having just regained consciousness at around the same time the far-off battle had concluded. She looked around in search of anything that could've attacked her, then shook her head when she saw nothing. That was abusing the weak, I know it. ...Well, whatever. As long as it doesn't do it again, I don't give a flip.

Standing up, Seija closed her eyes and stretched out her arms- - -and immediately had a damaged sunflower head ricochet off her face at high speed. It wasn't as dangerous as getting smacked by a giant bullet would have been, but it still had enough force to knock her back inside the hole. "This is not my laughing face, you idiots!" she exclaimed from within, furious.

The nearby fairies begged to differ. "Yay!"

/-/-/-/-/-/

Coop had his hands behind his head as he relaxed, waiting for Kiva to return. "Well, that was fun. Won a tough fight and got rid of those seeds Mom had me bring. All that's left is to get rid of the rest, get home and get to the buffet."

"Dude, that chick was vicious," Jamie said, warily looking out the window down at Yuuka. "If it weren't for those Rules, she would've ripped Megas apart."

"And that's different from the usual, how? We keep getting into stuff over our heads, and we keep winning. Would you argue with something like that?"

As Jamie continued to watch, Yukari and three others appeared- - -the ghost princess and her gardener, plus a multi-tailed woman he didn't recognize. They immediately approached those on the ground to get the full story. "... ...Nah. I'll say this, though: that lady has the dumbest hat I've ever seen."

"I heard that!"

"...And sharp ears, too," Coop quipped. "Who's yelling down there?"

"Don't know," Jamie said, "but whoever she is, she's a real fox."

"That's because I am a fox!"

The both of them looked unsure at this. "...Mmmmaybe it's best to leave well enough alone?" Coop suggested.

"Yeah, I think I've been shot down enough times for one night," Jamie agreed. "Or one day... man, that's gonna take some getting used to."

Coop didn't have anything to say to that.

Someone else, on the other hand, did. "I take it getting shot down is a regular thing for you? My condolences."

"It is not- - -whoa!" Jamie leaned as far back against his seat as he could at the sight of a battle-weary Yuuka standing near the car. Only Reimu's cautious presence next to the youkai kept him from losing it. "What are you doing up here? The fight's over!"

"Because while Yakumo's hashing things out with the brains of your trio, this gives me a chance to clear up some confusion," Yuuka said, no longer looking like she wanted to cry. She swerved for a moment, then steadied herself. "Just now, when I was given those seeds... were you trying to mock me? Or was it supposed to be some sort of consolation prize given in a futile attempt to stem my anger?"

"Dunno what you're talking about," Coop denied. "Mom told me to give gifts to my..." Quote marks. "...'new friends', so I was giving gifts. Coincidence, that's all it was."

"And you think besting me in battle is enough for you to consider me a friend?" Yuuka asked, eyes half-lidded. "If that's true, your views on friendship are more warped than my sense of humor."

Before Coop could tell her that her thoughts about his intentions were getting way out there, Reimu added her two yen to the discussion. "Don't dismiss it so quickly. It's worked for everyone I've beaten." She added in a mutter: "Don't ask me why."

Yuuka glared sideways at her. "Stay out of this, Hakurei. I'm not going to start offering them bouquets and pretend none of this happened. Especially not after what they did to start all this."

"Look, lady," Coop protested. "I didn't do nothing. All I did was turn Megas around so I could leave. I didn't do any attacks until the fight!"

"And you expect me to believe that? Do you have any sort of proof other than your word?" Yuuka asked, arms folded. "I know what it's like to hear plants being mutilated. There wasn't anyone else in the vicinity. So who did it, if it wasn't you? Go ahead and speak, human. I'm listening."

Seeing Coop at a loss for words, Reimu opened her mouth to defend him- - -...

"Hey, pansy! Leave him alone, ze!"

...- - -and quickly closed it as Marisa rocketed onto the scene, placing herself directly between Yuuka and Megas's head. Reimu noticed that for once, Marisa's weapon of choice was nowhere to be seen. "I was wondering where you were," the miko greeted her. "Did Alice and the others leave already?"

"No, they went off to catch a youkai that was flying around drunk and looking suspicious. I figured I'd offer some tough love if anyone needed some and flew over here."

"...Nice choice of words," Reimu deadpanned.

A smile and a nod. "Thanks. I've always thought so."

Yuuka noticed something other than Marisa's lack of a weapon. "Huh. You..." An eyebrow raised. "...haven't grown up much at all, actually."

"Let's not start that again."

"Hm. So..." Yuuka's tone took on a vaguely threatening edge. "Why are you so quick to defend these outsiders? If you were watching the fight, then you know full well why I was against them."

"Answer my question, and I'll answer yours," Marisa returned. "How much noise did Megas make when it crushed your flowers?"

Blink. "How much...?"

"I know noise," Marisa said. "And I know explosions. Everything I've been told about it tells me that two things happen when Megas breaks something: One, things blow up, or Two, stuff gets demolished. Both of these things involve a lot of noise from something that big, am I right?"

"...I'm following you," Yuuka conceded reluctantly.

"So think back, Yuuka. In the seconds leading up to those flowers getting damaged, what kind of noises took place? Describe them for me, ze."

Yuuka had to think carefully about this as she tried to isolate her initial perspective of Megas when it arrived; she still had a headache to put up with, but it had mostly dulled itself by now (though the lingering nausea was doing nothing to help her). From what she recalled there were the sounds of its controller talking, and of her refusing a gift request. There was the faint speech of that human Reimu was with, telling Coop to be careful not to cause an incident- - -...

Hmm. What else?

There had been metallic creaking as Megas began its turn, and a heavy 'thud' as its feet hit the earth. Yuuka's thoughts briefly turned towards the fight, and she realized that she'd subconsciously began to associate the former noise with any of Megas's major movements- - -...

Okay, I think I'm getting close to something here. The distance between the Sentinel and the edge of the Garden was too great even for something of its size to have just kicked it casually. This means that Coop would have needed to use his projectile weapons to cause damage.

If Megas had used its run-of-the-mill missiles, there would be puffs of smoke, loud whistling, and flashes of light. If it had used any beam weapons, the illumination and noisy ruckus would have been a dead giveaway. Even its more unconventional weaponry, such as those rotating saw blades it had used at one point, had an obvious tell to them.

But there weren't any of those things. Just the Sentinel's typical wheezing, a strange sound, and the flowers breaking. No smoke, no lights, nothing. I didn't see what exactly caused the flowers to snap apart, so I assumed that- - -...

Wait. ...Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Come on, Yuuka, focus. Focus...

There it is. I remember it now. Yuuka's face soured, but it was more from a realization that she'd jumped to conclusions instead of just thinking things through. Both Marisa and Coop saw her expression and smiled, while Jamie seemed a bit more wary. Kiva was still down on the ground with Yukari, so Yuuka didn't know how they were reacting to this, if they could.

As soon as Megas had begun to turn, there had been an impact: the sound of metal coming into contact with cloth and flesh, and a high-pitched yelp. Both of those noises had almost been completely lost behind the machine's idling engine, hence why they didn't immediately jump to the front of her memory. Which means that someone else had been present before the fight and had gotten too close, someone that I'd missed entirely. Absolutely super.

Yuuka refused to give Marisa the satisfaction of seeing her facepalm, however. She liked to think she had enough dignity to avoid something like that.

"Are we interrupting anything?" an unfamiliar voice asked. Yuuka and Marisa turned to see Reisen and the remaining two magicians fly in on an approach vector, stopping just short of Megas. The Flower Master noticed that the purple-haired one- - -someone with the air of the elements about her- - -stayed the farthest back, incredibly cautious and occasionally flicking her eyes in the direction of Coop (who was now busy trying to get Megas to pick up any television signal and failing miserably).

"You probably interrupted me winning an argument, but I guess I can let it slide," Marisa said. Oh quiet, you. "Did you catch that drunk youkai?"

"Yes," Alice said with a dismissive shrug. Seeing her filled Yuuka with a vague sort of nostalgia, and she smiled; the girl before her shuddered, turned away, and continued speaking. "I-it turned out to be Rumia. As soon as she saw us, she panicked and yelled about being attacked from out of nowhere."

"I'm assuming you got her to elaborate, ze?"

"Didn't take much," Alice said, nodding in thanks to Reisen. "According to her, she was struck by something large and metallic and sent flying. The next thing she knew, she had a sunflower head for a pillow."

...! Oh, really?

"How on Earth did we not see something like that?" Jamie spoke up for the first time. "It's not like you girls are exactly hard to miss."

"She probably had herself covered in darkness to try and scare people." Marisa shrugged. "Yes, she can do that. Thing is, she isn't very bright. Sure, it can be scary for the uninformed, but it makes her completely blind. Poor sap likely didn't even know where she was..." She gestured at Coop and Yuuka. "...and with how dark it is now, neither did you."

"...I'd love to see how a fighting game with you people would look," Jamie said. "The whole lot of you are so overpowered it's not even funny."

Yuuka had no clue what Jamie was talking about, and most of the others seemed to share her sentiments. Surprisingly, it was the elemental magician who replied to him. "Which tier would I be in?"

"No clue," the slacker told her, not quite realizing the implications of her question. "Pretty high up, I think."

"Good enough." The magician turned to Yuuka. "And you? Are you satisfied?"

I guess in the end... the fact that the Garden is destroyed is just as much my fault as it is Coop, Rumia, and Marisa's. That's... more than a little embarrassing. "...I suppose giving these three the benefit of a doubt would be prudent," Yuuka decided, having had enough for now. She fixed Coop with a warning glare, albeit one with little force behind it. "But careful where you step next time, you hear me?"

"Hmfph?" Coop looked up from his work, part of a sandwich in his mouth. "Youf sy smfthn?"

"...Never mind. Getting through to you is more of a hassle than I feel up to going through," Yuuka said, shaking her head. "I'm leaving."

Without any further business being there, she turned away and flew off to find a quiet place to rest and recover. I have a lot of work ahead of me, and if I can do it without the nausea, terrific.

Farewell, Coop. Good-bye, Megas. If we ever meet again it will be too much, too soon.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

At last, Coop was able to finish what he'd visited Gensokyo to do. Marisa left Megas a bit disappointed, as the only items of any worth in there were a couple of magazines depicting things that looked like the machine's head. Even then, all of the text was in a language that she only had a cursory knowledge of, and while the "hamburgers" looked nice she'd always had a preference for Japanese food.

Oh well, Marisa thought with a shrug. If I ever get tired of looking at the pictures I can always take these over to Kourin, ze. You win some, you lose some... And speaking of losing some, maybe Patchy will like what I left in there for her.

Marisa looked back over her shoulder, watching as Kiva returned to Megas's head- - -having just finished discussing the situation with Yukari and the others- - -and Patchouli reluctantly took her turn in the gift line. Alice was lingering nearby, but Reisen had disappeared after things were cleared up with Yuuka; Marisa had no way of knowing whether the rabbit had left for home or was just being anti-social. This is one of those events that will go down in history. It's not every day when you not just hear rumors of giant monsters, but get to watch them fight each other too. Suika was one thing, but taking on Yuuka and winning? I know a few people who will probably go nuts over a first-hand account...

She sighed, her disappointment growing heavier. Still wish I'd been in there instead of Reimu. And I really wish I hadn't lost that powder, ze. My plans for the night have been a total wash, and the chances of me trying again aren't looking good. A tremendous yawn. Well, no matter. If I can't become a giant too, it's not a tremendous deal.

"I'm surprised, Marisa."

Marisa turned as Alice approached her, the dollmaker's face unreadable. "Surprised at what?"

"That you didn't take that astrology book up there," Alice said. "I would've thought that it would be the sort of thing you'd go for."

"I didn't think there was anything in there I didn't have access to already," Marisa said with a shrug. "I was collecting stuff on that topic since before we ever met."

Alice chose to drop the subject. "If you say so. ... If you don't mind me asking, how are you going to manage flying that broom and carrying those magazines at the same time?"

"It's no problem," Marisa told her with a smile. She rolled up one of the magazines and made to secure it to her baldric... "I can just..." ...and remembered that when Megas's Super Destructor Mode card was active, it had damaged most of said baldric beyond repair. "...try to carry them in my apron, I guess."

"...Sounds difficult," Alice said, an odd inflection in her voice. "Guess carrying home the book wouldn't have been an option anyway."

Marisa pretended not to notice, untying the apron and placing the magazines on it before folding it up at the corners. "Nope, sure wasn't," she agreed, deciding that tying the bundle to her broom was probably her best option...

...!

"Hold on a second!" Alice exclaimed sharply, eyes widening. "Marisa, you said you were going to that mansion's library, correct?" Her tone was wavering dangerously as she realized several things at once.

"And if you believe that, I've got a grimoire to trade you."

"And you were carrying a flask with you when we crossed paths this evening," Alice went on. "A flask that disappeared shortly before the big fight."

"Hey, nothing wrong with partying now and again."

Strangest euphemism for "stealing" I've heard yet. "That means that the giant fairies, the duel with Suika by extension..." Alice's fists tightened, and her blue eyes turned a sharp yellow. "...and the conflict with Yuuka... Marisa, I ought to tie you to explosive dolls and make you beg for mercy, never mind Spell Cards! All this ruination could've been avoided if you'd never put together that concoction in the first place...!"

"And if I'd never put it together, you would never have gotten that sweet scarf," Marisa defended herself as she finished her work.

Alice's eyes went from yellow to blue, switching back and forth a few times as she struggled to rein in her anger. Finally, they settled back to their normal color...

Marisa looked up at Megas thoughtfully. "Speaking of the outsiders, they've given us stuff but we haven't given them anything, ze. How about it, Alice? You got anything I could give to them?"

...only to turn dangerous again. "You have five seconds to amend your previous request, Marisa."

"Okay. Mind if I paint little pictures of your dolls next to those silhouettes on- - -" Marisa quickly ducked beneath a laser shot from a summoned doll. "Whoa, hostile!"

"Unrepentant as always," Alice sighed, eyes dimming back to blue for the final time that night. "Don't you have any remorse for what you've caused tonight?"

"...Maybe it was a bit overboard," Marisa admitted, managing to look a bit sheepish. "Wish I hadn't lost that first batch, though."

"Dare I hope that it was for an altruistic reason?"

"Because half the ingredients in the powder take upwards of fourteen to twenty years to propagate." Marisa lifted off a half meter, settling onto her broom. "That was some rare fungus and roots that went in there, and they don't turn up in the Forest too often. I wanted to see if it was possible to grow large enough to take everything in the library that wasn't nailed down, just because. Looking at Yuuka, I don't think I would have succeeded."

"What?" A whooshing noise from above got their attention, and Patchouli came to a stop a few feet away. Marisa noticed and silently approved of the fact that the book she'd deliberately hadn't touched was now in the One Week Wizard's possession. "Even discounting the fact that it would have been impossible for you to empty out my library, twenty-plus meters wasn't big enough for you?"

"...I was shooting for the moon, ze," Marisa admitted, hand behind her head.

Dual facepalms. "Listen to me," Alice groaned past her hand. "Promise me, promise Patchouli, promise Reimu, promise everyone that you won't try anything so ridiculous again."

"...Well, I dunno..."

"Promise us," Patchouli snarled warningly.

"...Ehhhhh... well, alright, I- - -SOMETHING UNSEEABLE IS IN THE WAY!" Marisa abruptly blurted out, whirling to point a finger in a random direction.

She'd intended to divert the others' attention for only a second, enough time to make a fast getaway via a Blazing Star. However, she ended up pointing directly where She-Of-The-Lunatic-Eyes had been hiding the whole time. As the startled youkai turned towards her, Reisen screeched in surprise at Marisa's actions and accidentally shifted her wave manipulation into a higher gear, going from staying invisible to flattening all three magicians with a wall of sound.

Reisen stammered an apology when she realized what happened, but Alice raised a hand from her prone position and cut her off. "All in favor of just going home and thinking about tonight's events another time, say 'aye'," her muffled voice declared.

"Aye," everyone chorused, Reisen's utterance of the word still sounding a bit regretful.

With that the magicians pried themselves off the ground, with Patchouli getting help from Reisen on that part, and went their own ways with their gifts in hand (or in Alice's case, around her neck). Reisen herself followed suit a minute later, deciding that everything was well in order.

/-/-/-/-/-/

Opening a portal to Jersey City wasn't as simple as just opening a bog-standard gap. Yukari needed to take into account the transition from 'fantasy world' to 'real world', determine the effects the Hakurei Barrier would have on that level of teleportation, calculate the distance between her current location and Goat's junkyard, and split apart reality in such a way that the portal would not only connect the two points, but would also be large enough to accomodate Megas.

The entire endeavor was well within Yukari's capabilities, and at best it wasn't more than a simple exercise, but it still took more energy than she typically felt like expending during a given day. As she watched Ran take the last of the available gifts, she vowed that once she returned home, she would fall asleep and stay asleep until springtime.

...

At last, the portal to the outside world opened. Sunlight from beyond shined onto the nighttime landscape of Gensokyo, forcing most of those present to shield their eyes. It took a few moments, but Reimu's eyes adjusted enough to see the piles of junk scattered around the other end, the massive road beyond them, and the skyline of Jersey City further away still. What could possibly be so appealing about a place like that? Looks incredibly dull. She flinched at the distant sounds of car traffic, not knowing what they were. Noisy, too.

As she looked on, Reimu spied a gray-clothed, mustached human peeking through the portal. The man seemed put off at first... at least until he saw Megas, upon which he nodded as if that explained everything and went about his business. Add 'bizarrely excepting' to the list.

"...Very creepy, yet very cool," Reimu could hear Jamie admit, likely referring to Yukari's portal.

"That won't be old anytime soon," Kiva commented.

"Yeah, that's the appetizer," Coop said with satisfaction and a touch of eagerness. "Now for the main event. Bernie's Burger Buffet, here we come!" He drove Megas through the gap, blocking out any further sights of the outside, and didn't turn back as Yukari sealed the path closed again.

...And that was that. No real 'good-byes', no sense of finality. The way they sounded, they must have expected that they would be coming back to visit Gensokyo someday. Reimu quietly feared that day and hoped that her friends would at least restrict themselves to one location instead of just roaming around.

...Hold that thought. 'Friends'? Since when did I start thinking of those three as my friends? That doesn't seem right. Must have been the fight against Yuuka that brought it out, but still... that was nothing more than a desire to win and stay alive.

...Well, never mind. Marisa's just as much of an oddball as they are, and she's my friend for some twisted reason. Long as they behave themselves, I can put up with them. And I sort of like the idea of having human friends for a change, provided they don't interfere with my work.

...Though it would've helped if they were something closer to normal friends instead of... Reimu gave the devestated Garden of the Sun one last look, arms hanging down as she gave an outward show of dejection. ...that. "Yukari, do me a favor and send me back home? It's a long flight back and it's late."

Yukari feigned surprise. "Oh? Calling it a night already?"

"Obviously, but I'm going to sample these first and see if they're as tasty as advertised," Reimu said, holding up the container of jelly beans she'd obtained as her 'gift'. "Considering what it took to straighten things out, why shouldn't I have my own minor celebration?"

"Wouldn't be a stretch to say you've earned it," Yukari complimented her, obligingly opening a portal to the shrine. "Consider this one on the house."

Reimu shrugged by way of reply and jumped on through a second before the gap sealed itself, not giving it another thought.

...

"I'm going to deliver these duck toys to Chen and see what she thinks of them," Ran said.

"If she doesn't like them, give them to Morichika-san as souvenirs," Yukari instructed. "We don't need excess trash cluttering the residence." And by 'excess trash', I mean 'more things Yuyuko can use to wake me up with'. "Resume your normal duties once you are finished."

"Certainly, Yukari-sama," Ran acquiesced, turning and flying away.

"Youmu, you may as well head back and get some rest, too," Yuyuko told her gardener. "You've got a long day of training tomorrow, remember?"

Youmu was all too eager to follow that simple instruction: she bowed, immediately turned tail and flew away back towards the Netherworld.

...

Yukari remained staring at the empty air long after the others were gone. "Yuyuko," she finally breathed, "during the multitude of parties earlier this year, do you remember those duels we had with 'mirror images' of ourselves?"

"Truly gorgeous duels, they were," Yuyuko confirmed after checking to see if Youmu and Ran were out of earshot. "If I didn't know better, I'd say she was stealing my battle style. Why do you ask?"

For a few brief moments, everything that made Yukari exceedingly dangerous seemed to fade away, allowing her dearest friend to see the anxiety she held within. This was the side of herself that she permitted no one else to see, not even her shikigami and especially not Reimu. "I'm feeling dread, old friend. I'm dreading the future."

"Oh? Do tell. Don't worry, I won't tell a soul."

"Part of it's the fact that they're going to want to come back to visit at some point after winter ends, there's no denying that. However... someday soon, Coop's going to face an opponent that he can't beat with his bravado and Megas's firepower alone." Yukari's gaze hardened as she repeated her words for emphasis. "I'm feeling dread, Yuyuko. I'm dreading the future."

Yuyuko's smile was more consoling than playful for a change. "You have always been the serious one. Do you know something I don't?"

"A great number of things, actually," Yukari said. "But then... you know why."

The silence after those words spoke volumes. Soon enough, though, the silence was shut up when Yuyuko lightly smacked Yukari's forehead with her folded-up fan. "There will always be some things beyond your control," the ghost princess chastised her. "There's nothing wrong with letting someone better equipped than you handle things, and trusting they'll be able to do it."

"Trusting that Coop will be able to handle things? Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you think illogically when your stomach isn't full," Yuyuko said, making a few motions with her arms before floating backwards a bit, smiling.

It took a few moments for Yukari to realize that a Philly cheesesteak had been placed in her hands. "Beg your pardon?"

"Coop gave me two," Yuyuko told her plainly. "I was only hungry for one. I like good food as much as the next person, but I'm not that ravenous."

Yukari finally returned her friend's smile, then nibbled at the food she was given. Hm... this is actually pretty good. This'll make a good bedtime snack, at least. "I take it you know something about him that I don't?" she asked before taking another bite.

"A great number of things, actually," Yuyuko parroted. "He left a giant hole in the Saigyou Ayakashi's upper reaches when he arrived."

It took all of the overseer's willpower not to choke on the food she was eating.

"Didn't I say that it was bad for your teeth, Yukari?"

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

All was still in this out-of-the-way place. A grove of fireberries hidden in a grassy canyon provided dim lighting to anyone who could find it, but there was no one present: no humans, no fairies, next to no youkai, no other life forms. Only Yuuka was there, resting and regaining her strength, and in this moment of weakness she valued her privacy.

For what felt like forever, Yuuka couldn't help but stare at the packets in her hand. Within them were dozens of seeds, all ready and waiting to be planted... and from those flowers would come still more. Someday... be it months, seasons or years... the Garden of the Sun would flourish once again, and she would be there to see it through.

Thinking about the battle, Yuuka realized that she felt more introspective than usual. New forces (or at least new to the public at large) had made themselves present in Gensokyo, joining the ranks of those who had been there before. Aside from those present at her battle, one of the Devas had openly made her presence known, and there were rumors of a frightening and calamitous being that lived in the vicinity of Misty Lake. Add those to Coop's machine and the fact that he'd managed to brute force his way into Gensokyo without destroying the Hakurei Barrier, and it became clear to her that the times were changing bit by bit.

Probably wouldn't mean much in the long run, she knew... but as Yuuka pulled a lock of green hair in front of her eyes and regarded the damage done by the Idiot Gun, she said to herself: "Maybe sometime I can update my image a little...?"

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Patchouli sat comfortably in her chair once more. ...Well, more or less comfortably, anyway; the burning feeling in her arms from her improbable throw was still present, though it had faded to a dull roar in the time since Coop's battle against Yuuka had begun. Since she had settled back in and sent Koakuma elsewhere in the Mansion on an errand, she was thinking hard about what she had learned that evening.

...I get what this medicine's side effects are about now. These dreams I've been having aren't just dreams: they're glimpses of possible futures, or of what could have been. If that powder hadn't transformed Yuuka, Marisa would have used it to take anything she wanted from me. If Coop had been able to attack Suika instead of dodging her last strike, I'd be having misadventures in his hometown for who knows how long.

But is it really worth it? Seeing the future would be helpful to both myself and Remi, but I don't know just how long I can take dreams like those. Time and again I've woken up from them feeling incredibly stressed. I might end up trading my current illnesses for something worse, for all I know. Should I ask Sakuya to return the rest of this medicine to the rabbit?

...

To borrow the outsiders' way of speaking: Nahhhhh. I'm gonna hang out with the Ebony Wizard again someday, you just watch. ...And it feels incredibly strange talking like that.

Setting the medicine aside for now, Patchouli settled down with her acquisition from Megas Express: A thick hardcover book with "The Ultimate Wanderer's Guide to the Stars" stenciled across the front, the usual array of protection spells now in place. Its cover showed a few signs of age, but otherwise it was in good condition. I may not have retrieved my belongings from Marisa, but at least I didn't return empty-handed.

...Though now I'm a bit curious. Most of their gifts catered to our tastes- - -with emphasis on 'most'- - -but did they ever say what they gave the rabbit?

/-/-/-/

Kaguya's brows furrowed, an unusually intense look of concentration on her face. Her opponent sat before her, its eyes glimmering and its mouth breathing fire.

"Um, Princess..."

"Quiet a moment, Inaba. Wait for just the right moment, and... ...NOW!" Both of her thumbs blurred into motion. "Past the lizard, grab the axe... DOWN YOU GO, TWINKLE-TOES!"

Music rang out victoriously as the monster dropped into the lava, and Kaguya felt vindicated at her accomplishment...

...and then her jaw dropped as a message blinked into existence on the little TV screen. "'Thank you Fabio, but our princess is in another castle'?! That's not fair!"

A bemused Reisen got up and turned to Eirin, who'd been watching the whole thing from the doorway. "Would it be alright if I suddenly forgot why I came in here?" the moon rabbit asked.

"Go on ahead," Eirin said, gesturing at the door as Kaguya continued her game. "Finish your tasks and get some sleep." Really... what were they thinking, trying to introduce this technology to Gensokyo? Granted their intentions were good, and the princess is enjoying herself, but it could have caused a severe degradation of life and morals throughout the land. There would soon come a time when chaos would reign, magic would rot away, and Gensokyo would cease to exist.

After Reisen left, Eirin took another look at the gaming system and tiny TV, and the homemade Lunarian battery that powered them. Considering just how little energy was required to keep the devices running, it would take centuries- - -perhaps even a millennium- - -before the battery would require recharging, and that was if the systems were never shut off. Twin stacks of games as high as her forearm was long ensured that Kaguya would be occupied for a while, and her manipulation of eternity meant that none of the offered technology in the room would ever suffer any sort of deterioriation.

"Hey, a vine? What happens if I climb- - -... COINS!"

Eirin finally facepalmed, edging her way out of the room. And here I allowed Cooplowski to release these things into Eientei. Everyone out there had better appreciate my sacrifice.

The sounds of an amused princess, the ringing of coins, and an overly catchy stage theme went on far into the night.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

(Yuuka using her flower manipulation ability and Gensokyo's ambient magic to begin restoring the Garden of the Sun to its former glory, something that will keep her occupied for a good long while even discounting the upcoming winter. Marisa and Alice arguing with each other while en route to their respective homes, apparently regarding the former's newfound dream of seeing Gensokyo from Megas's backseat.)

THE END (FOR REAL THIS TIME)

(Jamie again talking to Patchouli... this time without interruption, seeing as how Koakuma has been distracted by Goat. Remilia and Flandre sitting dignified at the Mansion's dining room table, sipping at a red bubbly liquid... and if the straws in their glasses are any indication, it's strawberry soda they're drinking. In the background, Sakuya is seen walking past with a pizza-wrapped ham on a platter.)

"Thanks for everything... all those special things..."

(Coop and Yuyuko glaring at each other over a plate of sliders, with Youmu looking on nervously. Kiva working in a quick spar with Meiling.)

"...The stolen moments shared when we were unprepared for anything..."

(The front page of the Bunbunmaru, featuring a photograph of Megas parked near the Hakurei Shrine; Suika is sitting on one of its feet, smiling toothily, while Reimu and Yukari- - -best as the reader can tell- - -seem rather ill at ease. Off to the side, Ran is having a shouting match at Megas's head, gesturing wildly with some fried tofu in her hand.)

"Walking in the park, that sudden summer storm..."

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

FANTASY OF UTTER RIDICULOUSNESS

STORY and REVISIONS
Curtis Wildcat

COVER ART
Spectrum9001 (DeviantArt)

SPECIAL THANKS
All reviewers, favorite-rs, and followers
Jody Schaeffer
George Krstic
ZUN

...and you

Ciao mein everyone, and don't forget to look for first gear.

/-/-/-/

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"Not so fast there, bucko. You may be finished listening to me, but I'm not finished verbalizing. Did you really expect me to act completely useless in one stage, play an expository role in the next and not expect me to get my hands dirty sooner or later? No. There's more to this tale than just Megas wrecking havoc in Gensokyo. Sit still, child, and permit me the dignity of an explanation.

"I have known what Megas was and who the Glorft were ever since the temporal boundaries were twisted. Anything that could potentially cause harm to what I've spent a chunk of my life protecting, I catalog and keep a close eye on; if I deem it dangerous enough, I deal with it my own way.

"Some examples to consider. First and foremost: Megas itself. The world was not ready for a metal giant- - -headless or not- - -and Gensokyo certainly wasn't. I had actually considered removing the variable from the equation entirely- - -by which I mean destroying it- - -but I decided that letting it sit in that junkyard would be enough. There is no equivalent to the kappa's technological brilliance in the outside world; certainly no human would be able to make that monstrosity work if it was ever found.

"...Don't you dare give me that look. Yes, I messed up, but you can't say that I didn't mess up big. It's just as well that I couldn't bring myself to destroy Megas, but we'll go more into detail about that later.

"Those monsters and criminals once imprisoned for billions upon billions of years, unwittingly unleashed on a hapless city? The leftover piece of a smug, self-confident and 'invincible' spider robot? The bug creature brought back from a sojourn into the depths of outer space? I have taken a direct hand in dealing with them all. The interdimensional prison was easy enough for me to replicate, although I required plenty of sleep to recover from its creation. I had Suika crush Regis's remaining fragment out of existence within one of her black holes. ...What, the bug? I used a giant flyswatter. What did you think I did with it?

"With a few other exceptions, I left everything else in Megas and Coop's capable hands. Yes, they are highly destructive, but in their proper place they're a boon to Gensokyo... and by proper, I mean 'anywhere but there'. It is one of the reasons why I no longer feel that eliminating Megas is an option.

"As for the other reason?...

"For the sake of those listening to this conversation, some of you have seen the connections between me and a young girl named Maribel, thinking that I was once a time-displaced her. The truth varies across realities; in some I'm not, and in others I am, you know how that goes. For the sake of what you might call 'The FoUR-verse', let's pretend that I am. Let's pretend that the dreams I see are more easily experienced than any of yours. ...And let's pretend that I'm not going to smack you with a live tuna for nodding off.

"Are you awake now? Good; that was nearly a waste of a perfectly good fish. Now pay attention.

"In my youth, many years before I took the name 'Yukari Yakumo', I had a severe fever and was forced to rest for the better part of several weeks. ...Remember that, do you? Good. ...As I slept and recovered, alternating between sane and delirious, in my mind's eye I saw a flaming blue titan that both destroyed and was dealt destruction in return. I saw the many threats that it would face, including what I now know are the Glorft and Coop's power-hungry alternate self. There were others that I saw only in silhouette, including Suika, Yuuka and, yes, myself as I am now. The thing that struck me most, the thing that became permanently engraved on my mind, was what would happen if that titan were to fall in battle and not get back up:

"The destruction of paradise, with Gensokyo vanishing into reality forever. Humanity's last hope extinguished. All of the fantastic races still in existence gone once and for all. A person I had yet to meet fading away in a flurry of sakura petals. Earth crushed within the Glorft's iron grip. Overall, a Bad Ending.

"After recovering from my fever I began to take increasingly drastic measures, eventually leading me to learn how to fully control my powers and to turn myself into the youkai you see before you, amongst other things. I wanted to do everything I could to make sure that future didn't come to pass, and this meant starting from the ground up. ...Yes, this meant that I could time travel, but it's something I don't do often. It's rather taxing, you see, and even if it weren't I don't dare to abuse that power. It took almost everything I had just to be present here today.

"As I said earlier... I'd known about Megas since it landed a millennium off target, but it wasn't until after Coop discovered it in that junkyard and restored it that I realized that it was the titan I saw in my dreams. I kept watch from that point on, and like you saw I stood ready to intervene if Yuuka took her anger too far.

"...But it was unneeded. It was all unneeded. Events kept conspiring to allow Coop to defy others' expectations of him, and I learned that it was impossible to prepare for absolutely everything. A famous writer once said that the difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. If Gorrath's plan to smash the moon into the planet came completely out of left field, Coop's means of thwarting it came past the warning track... and then who should come barreling into Gensokyo not long after, on the heels of a meeting with those more powerful than I?

"No, I'm not blushing with embarassment. Stop giggling. Everyone gets caught off guard sometimes, okay? We are not talking about this, you understand? I've got mystique to keep up.

"Anyway... on the whole, Coop does just fine without my help. Yuyuko was right: whatever happens to him and his friends from now on, he will be the key to Earth surviving the future it faces, regardless of whose future it is. I know that now. I just wish he wouldn't make a mess of things on those occasions where he vacations in Gensokyo. It's very annoying having to clean up after him... hmm? What is it?

"Oh, forgive me. Was I boring you? I'm sorry that not every moment of my life revolves around entertaining you.

"I'm just kidding. No, I'm not angry at you. How could I be, after everything we said and did together as children? It doesn't matter whether we are separated by species, mindsets or even time. Friendships can survive death itself if properly molded. And I'm not talking about special cases like Yuyuko, either.

"Don't worry. You'll comprehend the full impact of my words before long, I'm sure. For now, though, I have to go; my time here is drawing to a close. I'll try to visit you again as circumstances permit. And I appreciate you listening to my tale, bizarre as it was.

"Trust me, I will. And thank you. Thank you for everything. Sayonara, Renko."

-GAP-

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