Chapter 17 Fears Realized
LUKE POV
He had been wandering around for about an hour now.
And boy did he stink, a lot.
He was almost afraid that someone would smell the stench of irony blood and putrid vomit he wore. That would be embarrassing as well as extremely awkward.
He passed by a broken mirror lying by the side of a building next to other boxes overflowing with junk and saw his reflection.
A limping figure drenched blood. It was a very gruesome sight. His blue eyes stood out unnaturally in his complexion. As blue being a complementary color to the crimson seemed to really pop out on his appearance. He did a little twirl, inspecting himself.
Then he stared once more.
Looking like this someone might as well think I was a psychotic serial killer who had just taken care of his last victim.
He scuttled away, limping slightly on one leg, his reflection disappearing back into the darkness as well.
He didn't think. He just searched and looked around for a place to go and get cleaned up. He didn't allow his mind to wander back to previous events. Cause if it did he wasn't sure if he would be able to keep on going.
Taking in a deep breath he exhaled and looked up at the pale moon. It floated aimlessly in the sky on a fixed path. Its movements always known before hand and expected. Nothing was ever a surprise to such a moon. It stayed on a fixed course and always knew where it was headed. In the future it would have rotated a many times around the planet Coruscant, and nowhere else. But in his future, he wasn't quite sure yet where he was headed.
Such futures are impossible to tell he mused.
He closed his eyes and using some of his last bits of conserved strength in the force he pushed out and searched. Searched the buildings and its inhabitants, each glowing like a little light in the force meaning that each creature was a living, breathing, and alive being, until he found a vacant house complex. Its owners left a long while ago but were to come back another day.
Opening his eyes his blue orbs locked onto the spot in the close horizon where the direction of the place was in. It was a couple levels up in the Coruscant city.
Swallowing thickly he grimaced, gently testing his bad leg, and prepared for a long treacherous hike…
It was some time later and he pushed himself forward even as he grew more fatigued.
Wheezing he stumbled and finally collapsed.
I can't go on like this.
He lay on the cold hard gray concrete of a steep pathway surrounded by shady buildings. Up ahead there were neon lights and the sounds of the busy never sleeping city. He stared up at the sky with half lidded eyes. The moon now seemed to mock him with its pure white light. Unblemished it seemed but upon closer look you could spot the dark craters upon its surface. Like beings and people. Everyone has their faults. No one is perfect. Speeders flew overhead. What he thought were stars, twinkled, laughing at him playfully. For a brief moment he wondered if his concussion and all the blows he suffered to the head were finally taking its toll. Maybe he really was hallucinating.
Traitorous thoughts burst in his mind, built from unbidden feelings of fear and guilt.
No matter how hard he tried he just couldn't release these emotions into the force. Like a long life disease he just couldn't get rid of them, probably because they originated from the deep recesses of his heart, not his mind.
How can I be a Jedi when I can't even control a simple thing such as my emotions. This is a path to darkness. Is it just soon someday that I'll slip?
Once again he wondered.
But what are we but just human that we carry these emotions. Then are we not human without them.
He reached out for the familiar presence of the light of the force but strangely and alarmingly it was silent. He couldn't find it. It seemed to have… have… abandoned him? And it hurt. Or maybe he was just too spent to find the strength to connect to his lifeline of the light anymore.
He lay on the concrete. Feeling the cold hard surface through the soggy material of his clothing. For a second he felt like a soggy washed out rag.
Then he thought of Zoë. Such a good person. Even though he hadn't known her long he just knew that they would've gotten along really well had they had time to get to know each other better.
A crooked smile broke out upon his lips.
The bright thought was squashed with guilt and doubts.
Mostly about the other children.
The ones who didn't make it.
If I had come earlier could I have saved them? They were dead now so that thought shouldn't have mattered but it sure bothered him excessively and rubbed him the wrong way.
Those children.
The ones whose blood he wore now like a second layer of skin. The life blood painted him a harsh red, but now as it was drying, it turned into a crusty brown.
He should feel happy he saved Zoë, her sister, and half of the children captured because if he never went back in time, all of them would be dead and the Scavengers would still roam alive and free, but he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt he felt for the ones who died that painful death.
Being grinded up into blood fluid is not pleasant. That he was sure of.
He tried to convince himselfthat there really was nothing that could've been done. But he still pondered,was it really out of my hands. If that dc0052 intergalactic speeder I stole from that woman… or man-woman… never ran out of fuel then I wouldn't have met Zoë and saved the children in the first place.
I also wouldn't have lost my light saber he thought in remorse for a second. Immediately shame filled him. His hands clenched at his sides. Lives are worth more than some stupid poo doo lightsabe! I can always make another one, but lives are irreplaceable cause as they claim, you only get to live once… I think.
He rubbed his eyes and covered his face, blocking out the little light, and breathed deeply
What if I had gotten there earlier?
What if I was able to save those children?
What if…
He massaged his damp forehead with his hands, smearing the blood even further. He forced the thoughts back into the recedes of his mind and locked them away for some other time. But still they niggled and wiggled around, demanding attention.
Rolling on his stomach, with shaky arms, he pushed himself up and shook his head a couple times to clear his troubled turbulent thoughts.
It won't do any good to lie around and mope.
On shivering limbs he struggled forward.
He felt the cold breeze more clearly though the materials of his clothes. It easily cut through the cloth and battered against his tender skin. Being soaked to the bone wasn't helping. He had to get to that vacant residence and get out of this attire lest he fall ill, and then what good would he do sick.
I have stuff to do.
I have a purpose here in this world.
I can't give up.
I won't.
He slowly but surely scaled several buildings with the aid of the force, daring to use as much as possible without fully tiring his already exhausted body out.
Ducking and hiding in the shadows he stiffly crept as quietly as he could to an open area out of the dark alleyway. He didn't fully go out but stayed hidden. There was a grey pathway, dotted with street lamps, in which various creatures roamed on heading from place to place in a hurry. Some of the inhabitants mingled about around the open bars and a nightclub that both flashed with blue, red, and purple neon lights with the purpose to attract passerbys. The pathway was lined by a couple nearby shops. And from what he could see there were two restaurants which were both across from one another at the end of the street. The rest of the space was taken up by apartment complexes and rental houses stacked up upon one another reaching fairly high into the sky. Each of these abodes broadcasted their own array of colorful lights into the night, making the place very colorful and upbeat. Speeders flew overhead following the path's general direction.
Then he looked up and spotted the house that he had felt through the force was uninhabited by anyone at the moment. It was across the street and sat on the very top of a stack of buildings on the roof of another apartment. There was nothing really special about the place. The house was dark ocean blue with a light blue color lining each of the windows. The doors were gray. There was a light grayish blue gate surrounding the complex.
The main part of the complex, which was a two story house, was round and circular. There were rectangular extensions protruding out of the dark ocean blue circular building. It looked like a sphere, its bottom flat, to perch on the top of another building's roof, with a rectangular side room coming out of the first floor. On top of that rectangular side room was another rectangular room, this one smaller, coming out of the second floor of the building and sitting on the first side room. The roof of the whole blue building was a rectangular platform. On that platform was a small garden made up of a couple plants in pots as well as solar panels. On the roof there was another small room with double doors that led out onto the roof. From the inside there were most likely some stairs that one could scale to get into that room to then go out onto the roof.
The windows on the second story of the house were all circular, but the ones on the first story were rectangular. No one could see inside as there were curtains covering up the glass windows from the inside. The windows, doors, and roof were also lined with neon crystal blue fluorescent lights. Overall the house was the same as some other rental homes and it fit right in perfectly with its surroundings. No one would give it a second glance due to its appearance. It was slightly run down, not in pristine condition, but still usable and accessible, just bore a few scratches here and there. It was hardly in the top rich half of the city, as it was belittled by many of the nearby enormous skyscrapers in the vicinity and other establishments that stretched high proudly into the night sky. The abode sat between the underworld and upper world of Coruscant.
The only way he could get to the place that he could see was a maroon colored metal stairway, similar to a fire escape, plastered onto the side of the stacked up buildings and apartments it was vertical to. This stairway allowed the inhabitants to reach their rooms and apartments on each of the floors.
He stuck his head out from the side of the alleyway ever so slightly and peeked left to right, then back again.
Why are there so many people around here? He whined internally.
There was no way he would be able to get across the street without at least someone noticing him. He suddenly ducked behind a large dark green garbage bin as a group passed close to where he had been previously standing.
They must've still smelled him. As they took a whiff of the area, made disgruntled noises, scrunched up faces, and walked away.
Coming out from behind the bin he looked for a way to get to the place. Seeing as how he couldn't possibly get across without being spotted he thought
To hell with it.
And ran as fast as he dared in his condition.
Shocked exclamations and shouts of surprise reached his ears as he dashed through the open space, dodging and ducking around creatures, who he didn't know the name of, that immediately pulled back away from him. Others ran away from his wet red brownish figure. He sprang into the alleyway beside the fire escape stairway that led up to the house. His form melted into the darkness. Eyes stared after him questioningly and others glared in disgust. He could faintly feel their disgruntled and surprised emotions. No one came after him though. He crouched down and waited for the attention on him to go away. Reluctantly and slowly everyone dispersed. Most sent quick glances back at the dark alleyway he had run into and then went about their business as if nothing had happened. The crowd resumed once again with its inhabitants mingling about.
He himself wasn't doing very well. He gritted his teeth and clutched his stinging leg. Pain radiated though it and throbbed up his whole limb. The slash on his back had also ripped open as well, due to the quick movement. Fresh beads of blood slipped out of the gash. He slumped against the side of a building and let his head loll back. Staring up he waited for the sudden pain to subside.
After a while of lying against the wall he stood and began to scale the very high stairway that reached up and up into the sky.
At right about now he was not in the best of moods.
Damn this building for being so freakin high. He grumbled. Glancing once over the railing made him feel extremely dizzy. He instantly staggered away from the edge and continued on.
When was the last time I had a nice long nap… he couldn't really recall it.
Wait a minute, just this morning I was enjoying a nice bantha burger at that Dex's Diner place. Why me. How did this even happen in the first place. He let loose pained groan as he accidentally put too much pressure on his bad leg. Hot shooting pain erupted from the tender area.
I just want to go to sleep he thought wantonly. Just to have a nice long long nap and a long hot shower would do me just fine.
Not soon enough he reached the top of the stairs where the dark ocean blue house sat on the roof of another apartment complex. With the help of the force he tiredly jumped the grayish blue gate and landed as a pathetic heap on the ground. He literally dragged himself up the walkway and to the door. Much too exhausted to stand.
He crawled up the three stair steps that led to a porch in front of the house. With one hand he gripped the round door handle of the gray front door and slumped uselessly against it. He tried to unlock the doorknob with the force but he couldn't.
He just couldn't.
He tried again, waving his free hand across the knob and closing his eyes, attempting to concentrate, but failed miserably.
The damn thing stayed locked.
Quite frustrated by that point and more than a little annoyed he banged on the door with his fist hoping by some miracle it would open.
It didn't.
Obviously.
Growling he glared at the door, attempting to stare the damn thing down.
The gray door stayed as still as a statue. It even looked as if it was watching him.
He blinked rapidly a couple times. But that's just crazy. Get it together Luke. Doors aren't alive!
The door continued to stare at him in a disappointed manner, if that was even possible.
"Well, what's your problem!" he snarled at it, "What're you looking at!"
The door did nothing.
"Now why don't you damn open up already!" he whined yanking repeatedly on the door knob that refused to turn.
The door seemed to ogle at him in a lecherous way.
What the…
"Pervert!" he screeched at it.
He launched himself against the door, ramming against it, but the door refused to budge and seemed to scrutinize him silently, this time, in a condescending manner.
Eye twitching in annoyance he straightened.
"Well, what're you looking at, huh, huh, you got a problem buddy, is that it!" he shouted at the inanimate object. The door continued to stare. Unyielding in its posture.
Snarling, he resorted to kicking the damn thing.
Now that was a big mistake on his part.
He used his uninjured leg to steady himself.
And then accidentally kicked the door with his bad leg.
Falling back he immediately yowled as his foot connected with the rock hard surface, sending a jarring crushing pain shooting up his leg which only worsened his wounds. He curled up in a fetal position, clutching his wounded leg to his chest as if protecting it from any further harm.
He wasn't sure how long he laid there with his eyes squeezed shut, but if must've been a while.
Maybe he even blacked out, but he didn't' remember.
He just lay still, breathing heavily, and in agony that was slowly numbing away.
Silent tears ran down his dirty cheeks creating little trails through his blood stained face. Then the situation and all that had happened in the past few days just became a little too much. All his doubts and fears and worries just seemed to explode inside his head.
He couldn't help it.
He curled up tighter into a little ball and sobbed some. He wept silently into the night. Little whimpers and noises arising from his prone form occasionally.
Wet salty streams ran slowly out of his shut eyes and down his cheeks.
He felt so tired.
Just so exhausted.
And in just so much pain, physically and emotionally.
For once, he felt like this was too much to handle.
He lay there, weeping, until the sun arose on the horizon.
Breached the 40k mark : )
