No Matter What Part 2

"What are you doing?" Maya whined, still half asleep.

Josh looked up at her from the bottom of the bed, Maya's foot in his hands. He continued rubbing his strong fingers across her delicate foot eliciting a soft moan from her lips.

"Joshhhh,"

Josh smiled to himself.

Maya wanted to pull her foot back under the covers, but Josh's hands were mesmerizing, and her eyes closed as she relaxed into his touch.

"No, no no, don't go back to sleep,"

"But I'm tired," Maya pouted, pushing her bottom lip out, her eyes still closed.

Josh's hands stopped their ministrations on Maya's feet as he crawled up the bed, his body perfectly over Maya's "Maya," he whispered.

Maya smiled, feeling his new proximity, but kept her eyes closed.

"Maya," Josh repeated leaning down gently kissing her neck.

"Mm-mm," Maya turned her head to the side.

"Maaaayaaaa," Josh whispered even quieter, his mouth centimeters from her ear. He gently took Maya's earlobe into his mouth, biting it softly. He could feel Maya's stiff body relax and he knew he had her.

Maya finally opened her eyes, peering up at Josh, trying to keep the smile from creeping completely across her face.

"Good morning," Josh smiled dropping his hips, gently resting them on Maya's.

Maya subtly shook her head and wrapped her arms around Josh's neck bringing him closer to her. Their lips finally colliding in a kiss Maya felt all the way down to her toes.

Josh's body immediately responded to Maya's touch and her tongue gently finding its way into his mouth. He ran his hand through her tousled hair. As he opened his eyes, pulling away from Maya's lips momentarily, his heart nearly stopped. "How…" He whispered in awe of his girlfriend.

Maya's cheeks flushed.

Josh didn't have to finish his thought; he immediately closed the gap between him and Maya, continuing to wake her up in his favorite way.

"What do you want to do today?" Josh asked standing in front of Maya across the bar in the kitchen. It was the middle of summer and too hot to stay stuck in the apartment all day.

Maya looked up from her bowl of cereal, her hair disheveled and Josh's t-shirt hanging off her bare shoulder. With her spoon still in hand, her mouth slightly full of sugary breakfast cereal, she motioned to her camera sitting across the counter. "I need to work on some pictures."

Josh walked over and picked up the old camera, twirling it around in his hands.

"Be careful!" Maya's eyes were wide with concern. Shawn had given her that camera shortly after he and Maya's mom got married. Shawn had planted roots, and when he did, he knew this camera was too special to sit around collecting dust. While Maya preferred drawing and painting, she was working on expanding her skills, and on days like today, the high summer sun practically begged her to go capture the way it highlighted the city and the people within it.

Josh placed Maya's camera in front of her being overly careful.

"Thank you," Maya flashed a smile up at him. "What do you want to do today?" She asked, glancing back down at her cereal, taking another bite.

Josh rested his elbows on the counter, leaning closer to Maya. "Let's go take pictures,"

Maya looked up at her boyfriend, a single eyebrow raised at his response.

Josh mirrored Maya's raised eyebrow with one of his own. "What?" He asked.

"I actually have to work on this,"

Josh grabbed the spoon out of Maya's hand, grabbing a bite of her cereal for himself. "I know," he said chewing the cereal.

Maya rolled her eyes playfully, taking her spoon back.

"Am I too distracting?" Josh teased raising and lowering his eyebrow suggestively at Maya.

Maya rolled her eyes even more dramatically this time. "Yeah, that's it, babe. That's exactly it," He wasn't wrong. Whether he was trying to be or not, Maya found it hard to keep her eyes, and thus lens, off Josh anytime they were together.

"Come on," Josh said grabbing the nearly empty bowl from under Maya.

"Hey! I wasn't finished!" Maya said incredulously, did he really just take her cereal?

"It was soggy as hell, Maya. You put way too much milk in that," Josh smiled as he dumped and rinsed out the bowl.

Maya hopped off the stool she was sitting on, sticking her tongue out at Josh. "Maybe I like the milk," She said dropping her spoon into the sink with the now empty bowl.

Josh wrapped his arms around Maya's waist, "Except that you don't like the milk. You never drink it, it all goes right down the sink." He knew the blonde more than she even realized. Josh paid attention to everything she did, he was completely captivated by her, still, after 9 months of dating, everything Maya did commanded his complete attention.

Maya bounced her head from side to side in agreeance, "Okay, you're right,"

Josh smiled down at her, "I know," He said and placed a kiss on her nose. "Now go get dressed," he turned her around slapping her butt.

Maya flipped her head over her shoulder, shooting a playful look Josh's direction as her blonde hair flew around her.

Josh's heart pounded. How did I get this lucky? He finished his thought from earlier that morning.

September beautifully transitioned into October, and the once cool air was becoming crisper every day. Leaves littered the ground, the sidewalks no longer looking bleak and grey, but almost bright with the reds, oranges and yellows.

"Let's go! Let's go!" Maya was practically bouncing at the front door. Maya was wearing a pair of jeans tucked perfectly into long brown boots, a long-sleeved turtleneck with a vest overlayed, her hair loosely flowing down her shoulders; it was Fall and she was ready. "Josh!"

Josh laughed slightly as he buckled his watch around his wrist, stepping out of their bedroom. "Settle down,"

Maya pulled her brows together, scrunching her nose at Josh's comment. They were going to the pumpkin patch, and Maya had been waiting for weeks.

"You look cute," Josh smiled seeing his girlfriend.

"I will look much cuter with a pumpkin in my arms." Maya said pointedly as she motioned her arms as if she were holding a pumpkin half her size.

Josh couldn't help but laugh again; God she was adorable. He thought to himself. "What else do you want to do out there?" he asked as he grabbed his coat off the hook near the door.

"There's a hayride… and apple cider…"

"And a corn maze!" Josh added with excitement.

"So, let's go!" Maya smiled.

Josh laced his fingers in between Maya's as the two walked out of the apartment, Josh pulling the door closed behind them.

Maya's eyes were wide as the couple walked hand in hand from Josh's truck to the rows and rows of pumpkins.

Josh looked down at the blonde, her whole face lit up with joy. He gently squeezed her hand, causing Maya to look up at him. "You're beautiful." He whispered leaning down slightly give Maya a kiss.

"Thank you for coming with me," Maya smiled with appreciation.

"I wouldn't miss this," He told her honestly. Maya was ever the hard-ass, seldom letting her guard down, trying her best to never show all of her cards. But in this moment, Maya wasn't a hard-ass, her guard was completely down, and every single emotion she was feeling was written all over her face. Josh wanted her to be in this wonder forever; he wanted to do anything and everything to make her feel this way all of the time.

Josh was sure Maya had been exaggerating when she held her arms out at the apartment, holding her invisible pumpkin. They had been together for almost a year now, and he'd known Maya for the majority of her life; he should have known better than to think she was exaggerating.

"This one," Maya smiled, her eyes wide. She was squatting down near the ground after having inspected the pumpkin for several minutes.

Josh was standing above Maya, his hands shoved deeply in his coat pockets, he couldn't help but laugh at Maya's enthusiasm, and absurdity. "Maya, that pumpkin is as big as you are… do we need that one?"

Maya stood up, "We don't need this one." She said shaking her head. "I need this one. You need your own pumpkin, Matthews," She finished with a bright smile.

Everything she did made Josh somehow fall more and more in love with this girl. Even when she was deciding on the perfect pumpkin for an hour, even when that pumpkin would take up more room in their apartment than necessary, even when she insisted he still had to pick out a pumpkin of his own, but would not accept an odd-shaped gourd as his choice; Maya Hart had Josh completely spellbound, and he couldn't think of anything he wanted more in his life.

Josh finally settled on a pumpkin smaller than a soccer ball to go alongside Maya's giant one. He loaded them both into the back of his truck laughing. "What are we even going to do with these, Maya?"

Maya pulled her brows together in confusion, "What do you mean…? We're going to paint them…" She said like it was obvious.

"So, you can paint yours, but I'm not ruining mine."

"You won't ruin it! That's half the fun of getting pumpkins, Josh!"

Josh laughed and wrapped his arm around Maya's neck. "Okay," he smiled.

The sun was beginning to set, and the brisk Fall air was cooling the day down rapidly.

"Hayride?" Josh asked raising an eyebrow at his girlfriend.

Maya's face lit up and she nodded emphatically. "Oh, can we get some Apple Cider first?!"

"Already thinking the same thing, babe." Josh smiled placing a kiss on Maya's lips.

"Oh, adult cider!" Maya cheered reading the menu board.

"Perfect," Josh nodded and ordered two spiked ciders for them and they made their way to the hayride just as the sun was casting a brilliant glow over the whole field.

"Isn't it gorgeous?" Maya asked, her camera in her hands as she tried to capture what she knew was uncapturable beauty.

Josh knew Maya was talking about the setting sun and the shades of gold that were beaming everywhere around them, but he couldn't take his eyes off of her. She too was lit with the golden light of the setting sun and her beauty almost took Josh's breath away. He wished he had a camera to capture every inch of her in this moment. "I love you," he whispered almost in awe.

Maya looked over at Josh, a sweet smile on her lips. "And I love you,"

Josh wrapped his arm tighter around Maya, pulling her closer to him as they continued on the hayride, surrounded by a group of strangers, yet feeling completely alone. He never wanted anything to change. As the two sat together in perfect silence and comfort, Josh felt his phone buzzing from his pocket. He groaned slightly frustrated, not wanting to ruin this moment.

Dad his phone read as he checked the Caller ID.

Josh quickly hit ignore and slid his phone back into his pocket. I'll talk to him later. He told himself.

"So… about this corn maze…" Josh approached the topic with ease as the two exited the hayride.

Maya looked up at Josh, "It's not one of those haunted mazes is it?"

Josh shook his head, "I don't think so…"

"Because I'm a hitter. I don't do haunted houses, haunted mazes… any of those things. You jump out at me, I punch you in the face… and then I get thrown out of places -it's a whole thing."

Josh couldn't help but laugh; and though she be but little, she is fierce. "I think it's just a regular maze, nothing to worry about."

Maya pointed at her boyfriend, "If it's not, it's you who's paying for it."

Josh put his hands in the air, "I think I can live with that."

Josh was wrong. Either deceptively or ignorantly, he was wrong. Maya knew it was too close to Halloween for a corn maze that didn't open until dark to be "just a regular maze".

"I'm going to kill you!" Maya screamed punching Josh's arm as they maneuvered through turn after turn, trying to avoid hidden cast members ready to fight Maya.

"Hey! I thought you meant you would hit them, not me!"

"Ugh, this is your fault, Matthews!" She said clinging to the back of his shirt, Maya's face practically buried in Josh's back.

Josh couldn't help but laugh, "Maya, you can't even see anything,"

"Go! Just go!"

Josh continued to laugh as he tried to lead the two of them out of the maze, doing his best to avoid anyone or anything that cause Maya's nails to dig further into his back. "Oh, shit!" Josh cursed as he realized he made a wrong turn, leading them to a dead end where a masked man with a chainsaw was ready and waiting.

"Josh!" Maya screamed as she heard the chainsaw rev.

Josh was still laughing, clearly enjoying the adrenaline-pumping activity as he began picking up his pace.

Maya, trying to keep up with her eyes still closed, was immediately regretting her decision of being behind Josh as she heard the chainsaw getting closer.

"I'm going to kill you." Maya pouted, her arms crossed across her chest, her eyes pulled together as she glared at her boyfriend as they finally exited the stupid maze.

Josh was still laughing; he had a great time.

"It's not funny! I'm not sleeping for three weeks now!"

"Maya!" Josh laughed. "It wasn't even a real chainsaw,"

"It was real."

"It was chain-less," Josh's smile reached his eyes in pure amusement.

"You left me!"

"I didn't leave you -you fell!" Josh laughed.

Maya rolled her eyes.

"And I came right back for you," Josh smiled wrapping his arm around Maya's stiff shoulders.

"We're never doing one of these again."

"Okay," Josh laughed and opened the door for Maya to climb into the truck. Josh got into the driver's side, immediately grabbing Maya's hand as he always did when they drove anywhere. "I had fun with you, today." He said squeezing Maya's hand slightly.

Maya looked over at her boyfriend and smiled slightly. "Me too,"

Josh raised Maya's hand to his lips. He could live days like today for the rest of his life and never want another thing.

November was bitterly cold in the City, Fall seeming to forget it had another month before Winter took over, and the rapidly changing temperatures were taking their toll on Maya.

"Maya?" Josh called as he walked in the front door.

Maya groaned from the back bedroom.

"Maya?" He asked again walking into their bedroom. The lights were off, the curtains were pulled and there was a heap under the covers that were disheveled on the bed.

Maya sniffled from under the covers, the whole pile of covers moving with her.

"What's the matter?" Josh laughed a little, sitting on the bed pulling the covers back.

Maya's hair was pulled into a high ponytail, her nose red and chapped, and an oversized frown placed on her lips.

"Aww, babe," Josh's tone changed to sympathetic immediately having seen Maya's pitiful state.

"I'm sick," She pouted.

"You look sick," Josh nodded placing his hand on Maya's forehead.

"I feel awful," Maya threw her head back onto the pillows, sniffling loudly. "Ugh," She breathed. "And I'm a total mouth-breather right now!"

Josh held back the smile that was creeping onto his lips. Maya was pitiful, but something about it was endearing to him. He brushed the side of her face with his thumb, "Can I get you anything?"

"Nooooo," even Maya's voice sounded deeper, a clear sign she was fighting something. "Just don't come near me, we'll never get rid of this if we just pass it back and forth."

Josh nodded.

"What did you need?" Maya asked.

"What?" Josh's eyebrows were pulled together in confusion.

"You came in yelling my name?" Maya was getting frustrated; talking was exhausting.

"Oh. My parents wanted us to come over for dinner, but it's fine."

Maya's face sank and she huffed slightly.

"It's fine, Maya," Josh laughed and kissed her forehead. "You're not feeling well."

"Tell them we'll reschedule." Maya said pointedly. She hated the idea of canceling on the Matthews'. They had accepted her with relative ease after seeing Josh and Maya together during Thanksgiving and then again at Christmas last year. They could see the happiness she brought Josh, and that was all they ever wanted for their youngest. "You should still go," Maya decided after thinking about it.

"I'm not driving to Philly leaving you here alone, sick. They'll understand."

"Maybe I'll be better by Sunday. Tell them we'll come Sunday,"

Josh smiled at the effort Maya was putting into continuing to make a good impression on his family. He knew she didn't have to though; everyone loved Maya. She was a little tough on the outside, something all the Matthews knew the baby of the family needed, but their love for each other was undeniable. Maya made him better, he knew it, his parents knew it, Maya didn't have anyone to impress. "Have you taken any medicine?" Josh asked placing the back of his hand against Maya's cheeks and forehead again.

Maya groaned.

"Now, Maya," Josh scolded standing up off the bed. He walked to the bathroom and grabbed some cold medicine. He walked back over to his pitiful girlfriend, dropping the pills into her hand. He looked around the room and noticed she didn't have anything to drink with her either. Josh made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. "Hey mouth-breather," He teased walking back into the bedroom. "Stay hydrated." Josh said with a bit of authority in his voice as he flipped the water bottle in his hand, handing it to Maya.

Maya scrunched her nose up, immediately regretting her decision. She tilted her head back, tossing the pills in and flushing them down with a gulp of water. Maya sighed and placed the bottle of water next to her, and almost immediately began coughing, "Ugh!" She groaned. "I'm going back to sleep," she pouted.

"Drink that, would you?" Josh nodded to the water she placed on the bedside table.

Maya shot him a challenging look.

Josh couldn't help but smile slightly at her. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Get some sleep,"

Maya wasn't feeling better by Sunday and after putting up as much of a fight as she could, she eventually gave in and Josh was cancelling their dinner plans with his parents for the second time in three days.

"Hey, Ma," Josh said plopping down on the couch in the living room.

"Josh!" His mom's voice always sounded excited to hear from him.

"Well, Maya is still pretty sick, so I don't think we're going to make it for dinner tonight."

"Oh no…" Amy, ever the mom, sounded immediately concerned. "What's wrong? She's not pregnant is she, Josh?!"

Josh's stomach sank at the mention of Maya being pregnant. The thought hadn't ever really crossed his mind. "What?! No. Mom, she's got a cold. She's coughing up a storm over here."

"Okay," Amy breathed. "Just checking,"

Josh's mind was in a different place now. He couldn't help but think about it; Maya being pregnant. He laughed to himself a little thinking about it, Maya would be the worst person ever pregnant. She's miserable with a cold for five days, he couldn't imagine nine months of her being pregnant. "Anyway," Josh said shaking his head, bringing his attention back to his phone conversation with his mother. "Will you let Dad know for me?"

"I can, but you can just call him yourself, Honey. He's just working outside."

Josh's attention was again pulled away from the conversation with his mom as Maya began coughing from the bedroom. Josh's heart panged hearing Maya whimper after she caught her breath from her most recent round of coughing. "Ah, Ma, I gotta get going, she's struggling,"

"Okay. Take care of yourself, Josh. I love you."

"And I love you,"

"Give Maya my love too."

"Sure thing. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye sweetie."

Josh flipped his phone closed, slipping it back into his pocket as he stood up off the couch and walked back to his bedroom.

Maya had tears rolling down her face, her legs curled in close to her stomach.

"Oh, babe, you're okay," Josh said sitting down on the bed next to Maya, rubbing her back soothingly.

Maya almost immediately started coughing again. "Just shoot me already," she whined. "I'm a horse with a broken leg. Put me out of my misery." Her voice almost unrecognizable.

Josh laughed, "You're not quite that bad yet. But I'll keep my eye on you." He said with a wink.

Maya kicked Josh from underneath the covers. "You're not funny!"

"You suggested it!" Josh continued to laugh. "I'm sorry you still feel like shit." He said sweetly.

"Thank you," Maya said sticking her bottom lip out. She started coughing again, rolling her eyes as she settled back down. "Was that your mom on the phone?" She asked grabbing the water bottle from Josh he got off the bedside table for her.

"Mmhmm, she said she's pissed. You're not invited back -ever."

Maya pressed her lips together, narrowing her eyes and kicked Josh again from under the covers. "She did not!"

Josh laughed again, "No, you're right, she didn't. She sends her love, hopes you get feeling better soon."

Maya smiled sweetly; that sounded much more like Amy Matthews.

"She asked if you were pregnant…"

Maya's eyes grew wide in shock. "What?!"

"That was my reaction too!" Josh motioned between the two of them.

"Why would she think that?" Maya asked shaking her head, her eyes still the size of saucers.

Josh shrugged, "Who knows."

"You told her no, right?"

"Of course I told her no. I told her you have a cold - - I mean… right…? You're not… are you?"

Maya swung her hand colliding it with all the strength she had in her with Josh's arm. "I'm going back to sleep," Maya rolled her eyes at Josh's comment.

Maya drifted to sleep relatively quickly, Josh sitting with her, his hand rubbing her back soothingly. His mind was still swirling with thoughts of Maya being pregnant. They hadn't talked about it before, and they were always careful… His mom's voice also stuck with him. Was she shocked? Disappointed? Josh was almost 30… Did he even want kids?

Thanksgiving was a little over two weeks away, and Maya and Josh were spending the weekend curled up in the apartment, spending some alone time before the holidays hit, knowing everything would be getting crazy soon. After Maya recovered from her cold, that turned into bronchitis because Josh swore she wouldn't listen to him about not going back to work while she was still feeling rough, they decided they would reschedule dinner with Josh's parents after Thanksgiving. Maya still felt bad for having to cancel, but everyone understood, and the fact that they'd all be seeing each other soon made it easier on them.

Maya was laying with her head in Josh's lap, her sketchpad resting against her legs as she mindlessly drew images running through her head. Her phone began buzzing unfamiliarly, pulling her attention away from her sketch; someone was actually calling her. She sat up, lifting her head out of Josh's lap and swung her legs over the armrest of the couch.

Josh's eyebrows pulled together as Maya's hair slipped out of his fingers that were moments ago laced through the blonde locks. He glanced up from his book, his eyes following her across the room.

"Hello?" Maya asked, running her hands through her hair.

"Maya,"

"Riley…?" Maya's voice had changed, she could tell instantly that something was wrong.

Josh picked up on the change in Maya's voice and he got off the couch and walked over to his girlfriend.

Maya's eyes were wide as she waited silently for Riley to respond.

Josh came up behind Maya, wrapping his arms around her waist and gently placing his chin on her shoulder.

"Are you with Josh?" Riley finally asked.

"Yeah. What's going on?"

"He needs to call my Dad…"

"Riley…?" Maya didn't like this vagueness that Riley was speaking with. Maya thought she could hear a slight quiver in Riley's voice and her heart began racing.

"Have him call my Dad, please… Maya,"

"Okay," Maya breathed. "Are you okay?"

Josh pulled back from Maya, his stomach immediately in knots thinking something happened to his niece.

Maya blinked slowly, confused as to what just happened. She turned around, looking at Josh now, his hands still loosely around her waist.

"Maya…?"

Maya shook her head slightly, she was just as confused as Josh was. "Um… Riley said… you need to call your brother." She pieced the conversation together for Josh.

Josh pulled his head back, "What?" He asked confused.

Maya shrugged, her eyebrows pulled together. She was not going to tell him about the quiver in Riley's voice; no need to worry him over nothing. Knowing he wouldn't have his phone on him, and that it more than likely wasn't charged, Maya held up her phone in Josh's direction for him to use.

Josh slid the phone out of Maya's hand. He placed his other hand on the back of Maya's head and pulled her to him, kissing her forehead, his lips lingering, wanting to comfort her.

Maya's eyes closed immediately at his contact. She inhaled deeply, still unsure of what was going on.

Josh pulled back and dialed his brother's number.

"Maya?" Cory's voice came through the phone.

"Oh, hey, no it's Josh. What's up, my brotha?" Josh asked, still unsure why he needed to call his brother late on a Sunday afternoon.

"Josh," Cory breathed.

Josh's face changed instantaneously. Cory's voice was more somber than usual; something was going on. Josh squeezed Maya's hand he didn't realize he was holding before he let it go and headed for the small Juliet balcony off the kitchen.

Maya didn't follow him, she knew when Josh needed some privacy, and this was clearly one of those times. She retreated back to the couch, pulling her knees cris-cross underneath her. She contemplated grabbing a book, or turning on some music, but she couldn't pull her mind away from the sound of Riley's voice replaying in her head and the confused look on Josh's face.

Minutes ticked by so slowly, it felt like Josh had been outside for an hour. Maya decided to go check on him. She walked carefully to the window, looking out at her boyfriend. Josh was pacing back and forth across the small balcony, his hand seemingly permanently tangled into his mess of brown hair.

Maya couldn't see his face, but his whole body looked tense. Before she could try to process everything she was seeing, Josh pulled the phone from his ear, his eyes glued to the screen. "Josh…" Maya whispered stepping outside to join him.

Maya's voice snapped Josh's attention away from the black phone screen. He looked up at her slowly.

Maya's heart sank, Josh's eyebrows were pulled together tensely and his eyes were brimming with tears. "Josh, what's going on?" She breathed even more worried now.

"My Dad…" Josh was looking right at Maya, but at the same time looking straight through her.

"That was your Dad?" Maya asked confused, trying to piece everything together.

"... he's dead."

Maya's face fell and her blue eyes filled with tears. "What?" She breathed stepping closer to Josh, her arms reaching toward her boyfriend.

Josh stepped back from Maya's attempted touch. His eyes were downcast, now, unable to focus on anything. He held out Maya's phone for her to take back.

"Josh," Maya whispered, her voice was shaking. Surely she hadn't heard him right, surely she was dreaming, surely this wasn't happening… surely…

"I have to go." Josh's voice was cold and stoic as he brushed passed Maya.

Maya shook her head slightly, choking back her tears, wiping under her eyes. Riley crossed her mind, then Cory -oh God, Cory. She thought. And then Josh again. Maya felt like she couldn't catch her breath. Josh.

Josh was mindlessly gathering his wallet and keys, grabbing his coat and heading for the door.

"Josh," Maya tried again, her voice pleading him to stop and look at her.

"I have to go," was all Josh said, his voice the exact same, his back to Maya. He didn't turn around, he didn't acknowledge her, he simply walked out the door, pulling it shut behind him with a strong THUD.

As the door closed, the tears in Maya's eyes fell freely. She stumbled with her phone, sliding it unlocked, selecting Riley's number.

"Josh?" Riley answered, thinking Josh was still using Maya's phone after having just gotten off the phone with her dad.

"Riley," Maya responded, her voice shaking, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Maya," Riley breathed, and Maya finally understood the breaking in Riley's voice, the trembling she thought she detected earlier.

"I…" Maya stumbled for the right words to say - -for any words to say right now. "Where are you?" She finally managed to get out.

"We're all at my parents' house. Are you guys on the way?"

Maya ran her hands through her hair, sniffling back her tears again, "Josh just left." She told her best friend as she began searching the apartment for her shoes and jacket.

"Okay, thanks, Maya,"

"I'm on my way, Riles." Riley would never ask Maya to come, she would never request her friend be there for her, but Maya knew. She could hear it in Riley's voice, in the pauses between words, Maya knew she needed to be there for her second - - for her family. Josh. Maya's mind flashed to her boyfriend. She couldn't think about what he must be feeling; her stomach immediately twisting into knots. She needed to be with him.

Riley buzzed Maya up into the apartment they spent so much of their childhood in. A place always filled with light, a place Maya came to escape the darkness of her own life, a place that was now so heavy Maya could practically feel it outside the door. She knocked twice, two gentle knocks, not wanting to disturb anyone.

Riley opened the door almost immediately, her face red and tear-stained.

Maya didn't say a word, she wrapped her arms around her friend, holding Riley close to her.

Riley laid her forehead on Maya's shoulder and let her tears fall freely, her body trembling.

It took all of Maya's strength to support Riley right now and not break down herself. Her heart was feeling so many things, her stomach doing continual flip-flops. Maya held her hand on the back of Riley's brown hair, gently stroking her wavy locks as Riley broke down in her arms. "I'm so sorry," Maya whispered over and over again. She looked up and her eyes caught Cory, the two holding each other's gaze for a moment. If Maya thought holding it together for Riley was hard, she truly hadn't processed how broken Cory was going to be. Maya gave Riley a tight squeeze before she gently pulled away. Maya's chin quivered with every step she took toward her former teacher, her jaw clenched in a failed attempt to keep it together.

"Maya," Cory tried to smile through the anguish that was written all over his face.

Maya couldn't say anything. Her eyebrows were pulled together and a tear rolled down her cheek.

Cory pulled the blonde into a hug, holding this girl he considered his daughter just as close to him as Maya held Riley moments ago.

"I'm so sorry," She barely managed to get out.

Cory nodded. "Me too,"

"I'm so sorry," Maya repeated squeezing Cory tightly.

"Thank you for coming," Cory said pulling back from Maya, his hands resting on her shoulders.

Maya's eyes scanned Cory's quickly, "Of course. You guys are my family."

Cory pulled Maya in for one more hug. "Josh is around here somewhere…" He finally said sniffing back this his tears, trying to pull himself together, his hand rubbing Maya's back.

Maya nodded, "I'll find him,"

"Maya!" A deep, almost unfamiliar, voice coming from the stairs called.

Maya turned her head, knowing exactly who it was getting her attention.

"How are you?" He asked walking up to her wrapping his long arms around her shoulders.

"Auggie," Maya smiled into his hug. "How are you?" She asked the now almost 20 year old boy.

Auggie nodded, his mess of brown hair -just as wild as always, bouncing slightly. "I'm okay. Trying to be strong for Dad, you know."

Maya's heart felt like it was going to explode; when did the little boy she grew up pestering turn into such a grown man?

"I think Josh is in Riley's old room," Auggie added, his thumb motioning behind him.

Maya smiled sweetly. "Thank you," She whispered. "Hey listen," she said turning around, a few paces behind Auggie now. "If you need to, ya know, not be the strong one, I'm here."

"Thanks, Maya," Auggie said with a warm smile across his lips.

Maya made her way to the bedroom she spent more time in growing up than her own. She gently knocked on the door, seeing it was closed. When she didn't get an answer, Maya pushed the door open slightly, walking into the room an inch at a time. Her whole heart shattered as she saw Josh on the floor in front of the bay window, his knees bent into a V, elbows resting on his knees, his head down, hands buried in his hair. He was crying. Maya had never seen him cry before, and tears immediately sprang to her eyes. "Josh," she whispered.

Josh sniffed and clenched his jaw as he lifted his head, trying to pull himself together upon hearing his girlfriend's voice.

Maya's face fell, her eyes finally settling on Josh's. His eyes were shining, tears threatening to continue to fall any moment. She walked over to her boyfriend, the need to comfort him right now overpowering every other emotion she had been feeling. Maya sat on the floor beside Josh, he was still staring forward, his shoulders rising and falling with the heavy breaths he was taking. Maya reached for Josh's hand nearest to her, interlacing her fingers with his, but Josh pulled his hand away at her touch. He instinctively sank his fingers into his dark hair.

"Josh," Maya whispered again.

Josh shook his head barely noticeable. "I just want to be alone, Maya."

Maya's eyebrows pulled together with uncertainty. She didn't want to push Josh, but she didn't want to leave him alone right now either. She didn't know what to do.

Josh finally looked up at her, his eyes breaking Maya's heart all over again. "I just want to be alone." He repeated, his voice cracking.

Maya nodded slowly, "Okay," she whispered standing up. "I'm here, Josh…" She said hanging her hand down toward him.

Josh briefly reached up and squeezed her hand, the closest thing to a thank you he could muster right now. He was grateful to have Maya, but at the same time, the last phone call Josh had received from his Dad, he ignored because he was with Maya. The last dinner he could have had with his Dad he cancelled because of Maya. The last chance he had to tell his Dad he loved him, and he hit 'Decline', instead choosing Maya, and that shattered a bigger piece of him than he expected. He didn't want to hold these things against her, but at the same time, just looking at her struck his heart with an unforgivable guilt. He didn't necessarily want to be alone right now, he couldn't be around her, it was too hard.

Maya pursed her lips together in a thin line, the corners pulled down slightly, and she silently left Josh alone in Riley's old bedroom. She pulled the door behind her, giving Josh the privacy he asked for, and after hearing it click, Maya found herself sliding down the shut door all the way to the floor. She wrapped her arms around her knees, her ankles crossed. She didn't want to leave Josh, but he needed his space. This was her compromise.

"How's he doing?"

Maya looked up, tears she was no longer fighting slipping down her flushed cheeks. Her face sunk seeing Farkle standing above her. Maya quickly stood up and without a word, wrapped her arms around him, her head pressed against his chest.

Farkle instinctively began rubbing Maya's back soothingly.

"This sucks," Maya breathed into Farkle's chest.

"I know," He sighed. Riley was a mess, Cory was trying to keep it together for everyone, but his face gave everything away. If Maya tonight was rough, tomorrow was going to be whole new level as the family was going to Philly to join Amy at their childhood house.

"I don't even know what to do, Farkle…"

Farkle shook his head, "There's nothing you can do, Maya." He nodded toward the bedroom, "It's his Dad…" He breathed.

Maya nodded, her eyes downcast. "I just want him to know I'm here for him…"

"He does, Maya, and he may not show it right now, but he's grateful you're here."

"How's Riley?"

Farkle shrugged, "She's okay… she seems to be more upset for her Dad than anything."

"God, Cory about broke me. I've never seen him so…"

Farkle nodded, he knew exactly what Maya was talking about; Cory was always the strong, level-headed one, and his world was completely shaken right now.

"Are you going to Philly tomorrow?"

"Yeah, We're gonna take my car, bring Auggie with us, give him some time to just breathe a little too. I think Eric and Morgan are going to be there tonight so Amy isn't alone."

Maya nodded.

"I think Cory just wanted to be with his kids right now, ya know? It's all just weighing pretty heavy on him."

"I… I can't imagine." Maya shook her head, tears immediately coming to her eyes again.

"But, hey, you and Josh can ride with us tomorrow, too if you want?"

Maya smiled, "Thanks, I'll check with him later, see what he wants to do."

"Okay. Hang in there, Maya. This is going to be hell for him, you're who he'll need."

Maya wrapped her arms around Farkle again, hugging him tightly. "Thanks, Farkle. Riley's lucky to have you."

"Thanks, Maya. And Josh is lucky to have you."

Topanga did what she knew how to do in times like this and she stayed up all night cooking up a week's worth of meals to bring to the Matthews house tomorrow.

Maya couldn't sleep; Josh was still being distant, and the last thing she wanted to do was push him. "Need any help?" Maya whispered, not wanting to startle Topanga as she joined her in the kitchen.

Topanga turned around, surprised to hear a voice behind her. "Maya," she smiled.

Maya sat at the kitchen table, pulling the sleeves of her sweatshirt down over her fingers.

"Can't sleep?" Topanga asked joining the young blonde at the table.

Maya shook her head, "You either?" She asked.

Topanga mirrored Maya's response, shaking her head as well.

"I don't know what to do…" Maya shrugged. "He's not talking to me, and… I just don't know what to do…"

Topanga nodded.

"How's Cory?"

Topanga shrugged, "It's different, ya know? Cory had 20 more years with him than Josh did…"

Tears formed in Maya's eyes and bit her bottom lip. Topanga was right. Josh wasn't even thirty, Cory was pushing fifty; he had fifty years with his Dad. Alan got to see Cory get married and have children and watch his grandchildren grow up. Josh was missing all of that. He was just beginning that relationship with his father where they were truly getting to know each other as people, as friends, not just as parent and child. That relationship had just been stripped from her boyfriend, and that pain sunk deep within Maya. "What do I do?" Maya asked Topanga, her voice shaking.

Topanga reached across the table and held Maya's hands. She had always seen Maya as one of her children, but right now, she and Maya were more similar than ever before. The men they both loved had just lost their father, and they were both caught in this unbelievably difficult and painful position. "You're doing it." Topanga whispered. "You're here. You're here for him, for his family, you're feeling his pain. That's all you can do, sweetie."

Maya sighed, "I just want to make it better for him…"

Topanga nodded, "Me too."

Maya lowered her head, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"Tomorrow's going to be a tough day, try to get some sleep." Topanga said with a slight squeeze of Maya's hands.

Maya nodded, wiping her tears. "Thank you," She said with a sad smile as she stood up from the table.

"Hey Maya,"

Maya turned, her hair flipping over her shoulder.

"Thank you,"

Maya's lips turning into a sad smile as she nodded slightly, heading back to the spare bedroom she and Josh were sharing.

Morning rolled around and the house was eerily quiet, the heaviness everyone was feeling was palpable. Josh still hadn't spoken to anyone; he continued to isolate himself, not wanting to be around anyone right now. He was beating himself up, he was cursing the moments he didn't spend with his Dad, hating himself for taking him so for granted; he should have known better.

"I think everyone is just kind of following each other down to Philadelphia…" Maya whispered as the two got dressed in virtual silence.

Josh nodded.

"Farkle and Riley are going to take Auggie… he said your brother and sister were heading there last night, so they should already be there…"

Josh nodded again.

Maya sighed and sat next to her boyfriend, her hand gently rubbing Josh's back.

Josh shrugged Maya's hand off, still not able to accept her comfort just yet. "I was thinking, maybe I'd take Auggie if you wanted to go with Riley and Farkle."

Maya's eyes were wide, the most words Josh had spoken to her in the last 18 hours and they were practically shoving her away. She nodded, swallowing hard. "Okay, I'll… I'll let them know."

Josh nodded, leaning down to tie his shoes.

Maya stood up, quietly leaving the room to go find Auggie and Riley.

"I think I've done something… I don't know… maybe I shouldn't be going." Maya ran her hands through her hair, sitting in the backseat of Farkle's car.

"No," Riley shook her head. "Josh doesn't handle these kinds of things the best. He's always been an isolator,"

"Yeah, but he has Auggie."

Riley shrugged, turning to look back at her best friend. "They've got a special bond that even he and I don't have…"

"I just don't want to make things worse for him,"

Farkle looked at Maya in the rearview mirror, "I don't think that's happening, Maya. Just be there for him, he'll come to you when he's ready."

Riley grasped Farkles hand, squeezing it, letting him know she was grateful for him being there for her.

"How ya doing?" Auggie asked looking over at his Uncle.

Josh swallowed hard, nodding, his eyes staying forward.

"Really, though, Uncle Josh…"

Josh clenched the steering wheel tightly. "It sucks, Auggie," He whispered.

Auggie sighed, looking down.

"And I'm so mad about so many things."

"Mad?" Auggie asked looking up confused.

Josh clenched his jaw.

Auggie sighed, he could see that Josh was being too hard on himself. But he knew there was very little he could do or say to help him right now. Josh needed to process through these emotions before he could move through them.

"Just don't shut her out," Auggie said, knowing Josh was pulling away from Maya, and also knowing Maya was who he needed the most right now.

Josh nodded, not saying anything, his eyes trained on his brother's car in front of him. For a brief moment, he glanced in his rearview mirror, checking the car behind him, his heart aching for his girlfriend suddenly.

Maya did her best to stay in the background as the caravan arrived at the Matthews house. She took her cues from Topanga, who was spending most of her time in the kitchen yet again. Farkle stayed close to Riley; she was more receptive to his continual support than the Matthews boys, who felt the need to be strong and supportive for their mother right now.

The family spent the following two days spending every moment together, Eric and Cory working to get the arrangements set up for the service that was scheduled for the end of the week.

It was Wednesday evening, and the service was tomorrow. Cory noticed how distant Josh had been the last few days; more than everyone else. He knew this was hard on his little brother, for the very same reasons Topanga talked to Maya about. Josh was losing his Dad early in his life; Cory felt like he was losing his Dad early in his life, and he couldn't imagine the hole this was causing in Josh.

"Hey," Cory said softly as he joined his brother on the couch.

Josh nodded.

"How ya doin, Josh?"

Again, Josh just nodded.

"I know this is really hard on you…"

Josh looked at Cory.

"I know it's harder on you than it is for the rest of us."

Josh's eyes brimmed with tears and he clenched his jaw in a failed attempt to keep it together.

"Eric and I, Morgan too, we had him for longer. It'll never be long enough, but…"

Josh nodded once again. "I'm so mad, Core,"

Cory sat quietly, his brother having not said much to anyone over the last several days; if he was willing to talk now, Cory was going to shut up and listen.

But Josh didn't continue.

"It's okay to be mad, Josh. I think we're all a little mad at… whoever, whatever there is to be mad at."

Josh looked up at his brother, his face twisted with anger and grief. "I'm mad at Maya."

Cory was taken aback slightly, "At Maya?" He asked, thinking maybe he heard Josh wrong. Maya hadn't done this.

Josh's nostrils flared as he tried to control all of his emotions. He held Cory's gaze, silently confirming his brother's question.

Cory shook his head slowly. "Why at Maya…?"

"Because," Josh said balling his hands into fists. "We were supposed to go have dinner with Mom and Dad two weeks ago, and I didn't go -because of Maya."

Cory's heart ached hearing his brother finally express what had been eating at him. "Why because of Maya?" He gently pushed.

Josh looked down, he hadn't really thought passed him not going. "She was sick."

Cory nodded. "Okay,"

Josh ran his hands through his hair anxiously.

"What were you supposed to do, Josh? Wasn't she pretty sick a few weeks ago?" Cory asked, hoping what he was saying would help Josh. At the very least help him let go of this anger toward Maya.

Josh nodded, moving his jaw off-center. "She told me to go," He whispered. "She told me to leave her and go have dinner with my parents, but I didn't."

Cory closed his eyes and exhaled, Josh wasn't mad at Maya; he was mad at himself and was taking it out on Maya. "Josh. At some point we all start to build our own families… We'll always be family, but… it's okay to stay home and take care of your sick girlfriend."

Josh couldn't look at his brother, he knew Cory was making sense, but Josh was still mad, and he needed someone to be mad at. "I ignored his last phone call…" Josh finally admitted.

Cory put his hand on Josh's back, "Josh. You didn't know."

Josh shook his head, "I still shouldn't have. I was out with Maya, and I ignored his phone call."

Maya again, Cory could see why Josh was displacing his anger on his girlfriend. "I can't tell you how many phone calls I ignored, how many times I said I would call back and didn't. I've got 20 extra years of them. And those hurt the most right now; you're right." Cory nodded. "All of it hurts right now." He added.

Josh sniffed, trying to keep his tears at bay. He didn't expect it to hurt this much.

"But you know what helps? You know who helps?"

Josh looked down, "Topanga," he whispered.

Cory nodded, "Topanga." He repeated softly. "It's not Maya's fault."

"I know," Josh said through clenched teeth.

"And she's right here. She's right in there," Cory nodded toward the kitchen, "Doing everything she can to be here for you right now."

"I know," Josh's voice cracked. He felt like shit.

"It's okay to be mad." Cory repeated. "But don't be mad at her."

Josh nodded. "I need to go… talk to her…"

Cory nodded.

"Hey Maya," Josh said walking into the kitchen.

Maya looked up from the tupperware dish she was fighting to get a lid on, almost shocked to hear Josh's voice.

Josh nodded to the back door, signaling that the two of them go out back for a minute.

Maya looked at Topanga, who nodded immediately. Maya was trying to help in the kitchen, but Topanga wouldn't be much worse off without her for a few moments.

Josh handed Maya her coat, knowing she would freeze outside, and opened the door for her, following behind as they made their way to the back deck.

Maya sat down, her head low, and looked up at her boyfriend. They hadn't spoken since Monday when Josh asked Maya to ride to Philadelphia with Riley. Josh was sleeping on the couch alone, barely eating anything, and hardly speaking to anyone; not even his mother. She was worried about him and nothing she was doing seemed to be helping.

Josh exhaled heavily, "I'm sorry, Maya," He finally said.

"Sorry?!" Maya asked confused, "Sorry for what? Josh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" Her eyes were filled with tears as she shook her head.

"No," Josh shook his head, "I've been… I've been so mad these past few days,"

Maya nodded, anger was an appropriate response to something like this.

"I've been mad at you," He whispered.

Maya's eyes immediately filled with more tears; she didn't understand. This is exactly what she feared the most; he was mad at her… but what had she done?

"I've been mad that I didn't go to dinner with them a few weeks ago, I've been mad I ignored my Dad's phone call when we were on the hayride and never called him back," Josh was now crying freely. "And I was taking all of that out on you."

Maya too had tears falling freely from her blue eyes.

"I am so sorry, Maya." Josh repeated, grabbing Maya's hands in his.

"I just want to be here for you, Josh,"

Josh nodded and leaned his forehead against Maya's, "I know. Thank you."

Maya closed her eyes at Josh's contact, breathing him in deeply.

"Will you go with me?" Josh asked, his eyes also closed.

"Go where?" Maya asked shaking her head slightly.

Josh's eyes locked on to Maya's, "To go see him…"

It was late, but Cory called the funeral home and was able to get them to let Josh and Maya in for a little while.

Josh was hesitant as he stepped through the doors, his heart racing yet feeling like it was missing from his chest all at the same time.

Maya stood a half a step behind Josh, her long sweater covering half of her hands. She slinked her left arm intertwining it with Josh's, lacing their fingers together, her other hand grasping his forearm. She gave him a gentle squeeze letting him know she was there for him, that he could do this. "I've got you…" She whispered.

Josh hesitated, frozen, torn between needing to do this, and not being able to do this. Wanting to be strong and not break down in front of Maya, and knowing he was going to break down in front of Maya. He looked back at his girlfriend, his eyebrows pulled together.

"No matter what, Josh," She assured him with a slight shake of her head, repeating the words he told her their first Thanksgiving together, the words he repeated to her every time she was struggling or felt alone.

Josh breathed a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Maya had no idea how much he needed to hear those very words right now. He gently squeezed Maya's hand in return, finally stepping into the silent room.

The holidays came and went. They weren't easy on anyone in the Matthews family. The firsts were always hard. The first Thanksgiving without Alan, the first Christmas without him, the first New Year's… Josh struggled to keep himself going through all of it. Some days he was okay, he got up, went to work, came home; he functioned. Some days were worse than that where he was less than a shell of himself. For every one of those days, Maya was right there, never faltering, never letting go. She held onto Josh physically and emotionally. Maya was there when Josh wanted her, and right there when he tried to push her away. Maya was there for him, always; no matter what.