Chapter 29 There was an old Palpatine who swallowed a fly…


(Fanfir Note: hello peoples. Unfortunately Padme won't be in this chapter but the next chapter that I graciously posted along with this one cause saying that a character will be in the next chapter and then they aren't isn't right. Originally this chapter was supposed to be posted in front of the last chapter but due to technical difficulties I had to post it here. But when I'm done with this fanfic I'll edit this to be posted as chapter 28 and 28 as chapter 29.)


SIDIOUS POV

"…yes, get me one of those. Bring it up here. And make it quick!" he hissed irritably in the comlink. Then shut it off, sliding it in the pocket of the luxurious red satin robes he wore.

Reclining, he gazing out the window in which rain poured down and into the distance, drumming nimble fingers on the sidearm of the plush chair that was planted in front of his desk and searching into the distance of the vast city he basically controlled in the palm of his hand.

Checking the time on a nearby clock hanging on the wall he drummed his fingers faster on the armrest.

If you want to get something done right, do it yourself.

That was true for all situations.

First the lightsaber, then the important power source, and lastly the strange force user had all managed to get away.

He spun the black cushioned chair around, eyes narrowing dangerously.

How incompetent can someone be?

The sound of his nimble fingers drumming echoed quietly in the ornately decorated Chancellor's office.

Dooku had failed him.

Failed, such a revolting word. He disliked hearing it. He abhorred hearing it, especially coming from those who served under him.

Failed.

Dooku.

Failed.

Dooku.

Failed.

Leader of the CIS, Count of Serenno, fallen Jedi master.

A pesky blue fly buzzed around the room.

Dooku, what more should I do with you? You haven't suffered enough, have you?

You have disappointed me greatly already days before. I should have kept you here to pay exceedingly more for your mistakes instead of sending you out there to prolong this war until the next stage.

Dooku.

Dooku.

Darth Tyrannus, a temporary title.

Skywalker: a much preferable choice for an apprentice. But all in due time. Plans require patience. The most subtle of manipulations. Although there were only two specific individuals who could pose a threat at the moment to his grand scheme but, one yellow wicked eye rolled slowly staring out the window at the rain that cried hopelessly down, he truly hoped in all sincerity within him that they had thoroughly enjoyed the weather. Still, how it bothered him so not to know more about it. Where it came from. Why it came here.

"That rather odd-"

"-That rather powerful-," he purred wickedly, yellow eyes hazing.

"-Force user," he drawled out.

In his mind he had formulated theories, but the force showed him that none were quiet comparable to the real truth, whatever it was. None could quite stand against the real truth. So he waited.

Wiry hand moved to the black obsidian desk, nimble fingers tapping faster with impatience just for this time.

Where is it? It should have been here by now he contemplated composure tauntingly calm, as not to give away any hint of emotion behind the mask he wore, concealing his true nature to all, especially the Jedi who were exceptionally blind and doing a wonderful job at being as ignorant and stupid as ever.

It's perfect!

Oh how long I have waited, perfecting my skills and placing the grand plan into action.

He chuckled in glee, eyes shining a sickly yellow that flashed menacingly.

Then that chuckle turned into a full blown evil dark lord of the Sith cackle which had he had also taken years to perfect so it could sound sooooo damn evil. He cackled and cackled and cackled some more for like an hour straight (exaggeration). Then he cackled and cackled and cackled some more. He cackled himself to the grave! It was delightful. It was evil!

"Gwa hahahaha hew ehehehwhehwehhwhe gwhehehwehweh hahdhawhehheheheeheeeeeee!"

It was truly the evil laugh of the century.

And that in itself was extremely deathly terrifying.

Then just in mid cackle he entirely failed to notice the pesky blue fly buzzing around the room drawing ever so nearer to his open gaping tooth decaying cavern, anything pure and lovely would immediately rot at the sight of it.

FLY POV

It saw a thousand images of an old fap going crazy with its red compound eyes.

"Buzzzzzzzzzz?"

The ugly old human wouldn't shut its pie hole.

So it decided to fix that as many a fly sought to end the existence of unsuspecting victims.

Buzzing ever so closer it shot like a bullet straight into the wet vile smelling cavern of the fapping old coot, aiming straight for the esophagus.

SIDIOUS POV

Mid cackle he gasped out and chocked, coughing weakly.

Clutching his throat he plummeted from the cushiony black chair of an oh so great height to the rock hard carpeted floor and coughed again. C-can't breathe!

Thinking fast he thought, now what does someone do when they choke… uh…?

His mind grew more unfocused the longer he stayed with such a lack of oxygen.

Oh yes. I, the great Lord Sidious dark lord of the Sith, know exactly what to do!

He remembered!

Then hastily with all speed as the situation was dire he began to roll and flail all around on the floor as everyone knows that whenever you're choking you always have to STOP, DROP, and ROLL. Its common sense, common knowledge galaxy wide that that is the thing to do. And he did just that.

FLY POV

Inside the esophagus the blue fly bounced up and down all around.

"It's like a bouncy house in here. How fun!" it buzzzzzzzzzzzzzed happily.

SIDIOUS POV

Seeing as the ultimate technique of STOP, DROP, and ROLL wasn't working he stupidly tried to stand, gripping the edge of the obsidian black desk as if his life depended on it, knuckles turning white.

But in the end the lack of oxygen caused everything to turn fuzzy.

Fuzzy like lil' kittens.

Consciousness fading fast he promptly unceremoniously fainted in a very girly fashion, giving a dainty little cry.

FLY POV

It noted with confusion that the old fap had stopped moving.

Was it dead?

Buzzing it crawled out of the esophagus with its dirty little germ and parasite infested feet, climbing through the gaping fap's smelly cavernous mouth and shooting into the outside world where it was blessed with clean sweet oxygen.

Fresh air!

Sidling itself onto the old fap's face it then wiped its dirty hind legs on the wrinkly old skin, cleaning itself off, and after that it floated away, slipping under a crack in the door, and shooting down the halls, searching for another unwilling unfortunate victim to be the demise of.

SIDIOUS POV

A while later he awoke upon the floor.

He leapt up, scanning for intruders. Frowning, he saw none whatever and scratched his head. What happened? It had all been very blurry. Very disturbing. He couldn't remember a thing.

Just then a knock sounded on the door.

He filed the incident away for later to contemplate on and brushed himself off, straitening his robes, and calmly walked to the door with long strides to get what he ordered one of the assistants around the senate to order for him.

Opening it he snatched the box out of the delivery man's hand and shut the door in their face. I'm in no mood to converse right now with a lowly being such as you.

Gently caressing the cardboard box with all care he slowly placed it down as gently as he could on the desk and slumped tiredly in his cushiony chair, sighing. What a day.

"But at least I have this," he smiled evilly, eagerly eyeing the box greedily.

It smelled absolutely divine. Opening the lid he let loose the heavenly scent of a cheesy pizza and took in the sight of the cheesy delight dotted with pepperonis, mushrooms, onions, bacon, black olives, green peppers, pineapple, spinach…

Wait a minute.

He did a double take.

"What?!"

His eyes widened in shock, right eye beginning to seriously twitch.

SOMEWHERE IN HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF CHANCELLOR'S OFFICE POV

"Noooooooooooooooo!" was the unearthly howl of denial and rage that could be heard by anyone crossing that hallway.

"I HATE SPINACH!"

SIDOUS POV

"They dare," he seethed, "They dare to trick the Chancellor Palpatine, the Lord Sidous, dark lord of the Sith!"

With a yell of rage he stupidly snatched up the pizza box and flung it across the room to some unknown destination/ region. It smacked somewhere with a huge SPLAT!

Head held in hands he seethed, practically ripping the few white hairs he had left from his skull, till he eventually let out steam.

Slowly lifting his head up his eyes immediately were drawn to where the pizza had landed. His right and left eyes began to twitch profusely in unison

The pizza landed on that beautiful portrait of his home world Naboo that he had just got fixed since that unknown force user had viscously wrecked it! For a while he just stared at it. Then slowly he lowered his head back down and rubbed his temples.

If you want something done right, do it yourself.

As that just seemed true for all situations.


(Hydra Note: If you don't know this already, which you probably do, I hate Palpatine sooo much. But fear not, Palpatine won't always be portrayed in this fanfic as a blundering buffoon. He can and will be scary occasionally.)