Don't expect a lot of happiness in this chapter, just a warning.
Chapter Eighty-Four: Give Me A Sign
I heard Athrun's voice not long after I shot off towards the beginning of the battle. "Everyone, form up on me. We're going to get the green light to go in any second."
"Hold still for a bit longer," Feldt replied. "We're sending the METEOR systems to you and Cagalli."
"Hurry up then, 'cause we gotta go!" Dearka yelled.
Around us, Mu La Flaga's giant group of Mobile Suits and Mobile Armors shot ahead of us, vanishing from my sight. Before long, the flashes of light suddenly became a lot more numerous. The battle had begun in earnest.
"The Earth Alliance is turning the rear of their fleet towards us to try to fight us off. They can't send in the full weight of their forces against Boaz," Feldt replied. "We'll have a few minutes before we'll have to worry about the nuclear missiles."
"You make that sound like a walk in the park," Dearka replied. Honestly, I agreed with him there.
"It will be once the METEORs arrive. These METEOR systems are something else. We had something similar in my time, but they required a pilot to operate. These are fully automated."
"Just get them here, I don't think now's the time for a history lesson," Athrun said with a sigh.
"Right, sorry." I saw the METEOR systems on my radar screen then.
"I'm marking points of interest on your radar screens, from Alpha to Zulu. From the data I'm receiving, the Dominion is at Point Sierra. I'm also getting data on who's carrying the nuclear weapons from the initial confrontations. It looks like they've mounted them on a Mobile Armor called the 'Moebius'."
"Sounds like Mu La Flaga's Mobile Armor," I muttered. We had brought the Moebius Zero into space with us, but it wasn't being used in this battle. Mu wanted it as an emergency backup for him in case the Strike was shot up.
"It's less capable than the 'Moebius Zero', it seems to be the long-time standard issue Mobile Armor," Feldt started, but was interrupted by Dearka again.
"Enough with the technical shit and get those METEORs fixed so we can get out there!"
I heard an audible sigh from Feldt. "Dearka, you need to calm down. Once you're in that mess you're going to wish we were still having this conversation."
Dearka didn't reply to that one. It wasn't really necessary, as the METEORs had arrived and they were hooked to both Athrun and myself.
"The METEORs will be integral to prevent both our fleet and Boaz from getting nuked. There are missile pods on board, use your multi-targeting systems to track any Mobile Suit or nuclear missile you want to destroy and let loose."
"Copy that. You want us to head to Point Sierra then?" Athrun asked.
"Yes. Athrun, you're taking the long way around, head to Point Lima and directly block the Moebius squadron holding those missiles. Cagalli, you're taking the direct route. Watch out for the enemy GUNDAMs, I'm receiving reports they are by the specially equipped Moebius Mobile Armors. Both of you take the direct route until I order you both to split off. Go!"
"Slave driver," Dearka muttered, but when we hit the acceleration, so did he.
"She's not all bad, Nicol. At least she's drawing up plans besides 'shoot this and that'," Nicol replied.
"Well, that and her voice is cuter than Kisaka or Badgiruel's or everyone else barking orders at us."
"I can hear every word you're saying, Dearka," Feldt replied with another sigh.
"Dammit."
I wanted to smile, but then I saw what we were about to be flying into.
The direct route was going to be pretty arduous.
"I've spotted two squadrons of Mobile Suits and Armors directly in front of us!"
"I think this is a good time to test these METEOR systems. We'll wipe most of them out and charge through the remainder!" Athrun replied.
"Copy that." I turned on the multi-targeting system and the way it picked up on enemy targets left and right nearly took my breath away.
With the METEOR, the Freedom was at its full potential.
"Firing!" I hit the trigger and watched as seemingly dozens of missiles, certainly enough for overkill, launched, along with Athrun's own salvo.
I was stunned by the end result. The two squadrons were obliterated in front of my eyes, but then the surviving missiles did something I didn't expect.
They sought out new targets from there and shot onwards, hitting Mobile Suits and Armors that I hadn't originally aimed at.
"I'll be damned," Hilda breathed.
"I want one of those," Dearka added.
I remembered Feldt saying that the GUNDAMs were built to end war, not win them. The METEOR systems were definitely indicative of this. They blew up at least three and a half enemy squadrons with two trigger pulls, mine and Athrun's.
I almost missed Athrun's order. "Now! Go! Blow through, blow through! Shoot any survivors down!"
I hit the accelerator, following Flay through the remnants of the enemy force in front of us.
"We had to have killed people who were going to switch sides," Flay said.
"It's an unfortunate reality," Feldt replied. "The sooner the Dominion and the nuclear missiles are gone, the sooner we can set them free."
I saw a bright flash in front of me. "Did we get the Dominion already?"
"Negative. That was one of the escorts, the Schwartzkopf. Looks like Mu La Flaga and Asagi Caldwell grouped up on it."
"Good for them." It looked like La Flaga and Caldwell were going to be our main partners in this final battle.
"We have GUNDAM sightings at Point Lima. Everyone, change course. Dearka, hang in the back, your job will be picking off the Forbidden. Flay, you'll be compromising the Forbidden so Dearka can get a clear shot. Everyone else, move as you like, but I'd strongly suggest Cagalli make the Forbidden a greater priority over the others," Feldt said.
"What about the nuclear missiles?" I asked.
"We're taking them out before the GUNDAMs can react. Switch on the multi-targeting system, you should primarily target the Moebius units."
"Won't the nuclear weapons go off?" Dearka asked.
"Unless you guys have changed things, no. Nuclear weapons can only go off the way they're intended to. They'll just be a radioactive conventional explosive otherwise."
"You're assuming that they wouldn't have changed things," Athrun replied.
A pause. "Right. We're dealing with a madman. He'll have them go off anyway. Athrun, Cagalli, let loose, and everyone, keep your distance. I'll send out a warning for everyone else in the area to clear."
I almost wanted to laugh, and I think I did hear Hilda laugh at that. Just the deadpan delivery of Feldt's tone was something to behold. It just massively understated the situation we were in.
"Warning sent. Fire."
I had four more salvos left with the missiles, but it was pretty clear that they would be all that I'd need. I shot them off, and backed off.
"I guess we'll find out who's right here," Dearka said as the missiles went towards their targets.
I saw scurrying about as the missiles headed towards their destinations. Some of the missiles were shot down by Mobile Suits who had picked up on what was going on. Curiously, none of the GUNDAMs reported in the area were shooting back. I was wondering what was happening.
And then…
Well, it wasn't a BOOOOOM. There's no sound in space, after all. But there was an extremely bright flash that made me darken my visors in response.
And then when I could look at what happened, it was like a big gaping hole had been placed in the middle of the Earth Alliance fleet.
"Well. We just destroyed a third of the Earth Alliance fleet and all of their known nuclear arsenal," Feldt said.
I was amazed at how calm Feldt was. It was like she didn't grasp what had just happened, or was ignoring it.
"We also just killed a lot of people," Athrun replied softly, with close to no emotion in his voice. It gutted me to the core and made me want to rush to him to see if he was okay.
"More would have died if they had been allowed to be used at Boaz, Jachin Due, and the PLANTs," Feldt replied. "The massive gap in the fleet can be used to make a direct strike against the Dominion. Take it and end this battle."
"Man, I thought you were just weird, but now you're creeping me out, popsicle lady," Dearka replied. He wasn't wrong. This definitely seemed to fall into 'the ends justify the means' type of behavior that we were supposed to be against.
"Blame Muruta Azrael for having his detonators primed so recklessly. Thank God Athrun and Dearka spoke up so I didn't send you all in there in closer range or you and a lot of people on our side would be dead too. Now go. Point Sierra is wide open."
Athrun sighed. "Well, you heard the lady. Let's go. Without their nukes, they'll have nothing left to fight for when the Dominion is destroyed."
He was right, but even as we kicked it into the gear and flew through the dead zone directly for Point Sierra, I felt a pit in the stomach, and I don't think it was what was going on in my womb.
It was that defining moment that showed that Feldt was not like the rest of us. I didn't know how Celestial Being operated, but clearly Feldt did not question annihilating part of a fleet in nuclear fire if it meant ending the battle faster.
It was a moral gray area. Shortening the battle saved lives, yes, but at what cost? And how could you weigh one life against another?
At the same time, if we had gone in there, and any of those nukes had gone off, and I think we all knew one of them would have…
I couldn't think about that moral dilemma for long, however. Just as we spotted the Dominion, the three enemy GUNDAMs emerged.
"Hey, hey, hey! We ain't dead yet, bitches!"
"Did you seriously think we were stupid enough to be that close to the most epic nuclear explosion of all time? Think again!"
"We'll kill you before Azrael kills us for not protecting his bombs!"
Lovely sentiments, all of them. Orga, Clotho, and Shani hadn't changed very much since my last battle with them, if at all.
"Once the Forbidden is gone, we can have a team begin engaging the Dominion! Follow the battle plan and we'll do this. We have them outnumbered," Feldt replied.
"I'm gonna get the Forbidden's attention," Hilda said. I spotted the Aegis shifting into its Mobile Armor mode, and then it let loose a potshot right at the Forbidden.
As I think we all expected, the Forbidden's shield blocked it, and I heard Shani curse on the radio. "Dammit! We haven't even started fighting yet! You got no right to shoot at me!"
"It's the final boss battle, and we're outnumbered, and they got a cute girl voice bossing them around," Clotho replied. "No matter what they got, we ain't losing!"
"This isn't a video game, you moron!" Orga replied, but that was when the engagement started, cutting him off before he could further insult his wingmate.
"These guys are freaks," Hilda replied.
"Tell me something I don't know," Flay replied.
"Oh come on! How many hot women do they have on their side?" Clotho yelled, in what seemed to be a half-wail of agony, a half-roar of rage.
"Enough for me to kill, ha!" Shani replied.
"Tell me how we got on their channel," Hilda said as the battle began in earnest, and I found myself tracking both the Raider and Calamity as they flew around us, just a little too face for the multi-targeting system.
"To be honest, I think they got on ours," Nicol replied.
"So the only way to make them shut up is to kill them. Got it," Hilda replied.
"Not if we kill you first!" Clotho yelled, almost predictably.
Athrun turned his METEOR on Shani then, firing multiple laser blasts right at him, forcing Shani to dodge. I realized the possibility of a trap for Shani then, and I knew what I had to do.
"Flay, cover me! I'm helping Athrun!" I knew I had no shot of shooting Shani down with him darting everywhere, but I could trap him into a pattern of movements, or, even better, just force him to hold still.
"Copy that," Flay yelled, and I saw her Mobile Suit move into a defensive spot by me to keep the other two GUNDAMs off my back. I felt a little bit more relaxed then. The surreal reality that it was Flay making me more comfortable didn't really hit me either.
And then…
I aimed at Shani with the METEOR's standard laser rifles and shot at him too. I heard Shani yell in frustration as he found himself having to dodge me as well.
"Dammit! Clotho, Orga, they're ganging up on me!"
And then I saw the Forbidden sit still for just a split second.
If Dearka is watching…
And he was.
The Buster's shot went between Athrun and myself and went right through the Forbidden's chest. I heard a brief scream of either terror or pain from Shani, and then nothing.
And then the Forbidden exploded into a brief flash of flame, before nothing remained.
"I finally got a GUNDAM! About damn time!" Dearka yelled in triumph.
"Damn you!" I saw Orga suddenly shoot off for Dearka, but he didn't make it very far before suddenly getting stopped in his tracks.
I saw Nicol's Mirage Colloid turn off next to Orga, with the Blitz's grappling claw pierced right through the Calamity.
"Gotcha," Nicol said.
"Y-You bastard… how dare you use-"
A shot from the Aegis ended his speech. "Shut. Up."
Nicol disconnected just in time before the Calamity blew up as well, leaving the Raider all alone against the six of us.
"No way! No way! Not a total party kill! You bitches! You're all bitches!" Clotho screamed, followed by a rather aggressive stream of curse words that I frankly don't feel like transcribing. It honestly sounded more like rage-blubbering to me anyway.
Feldt got on the line then, her volume turned up to talk over Clotho's yelling and screaming. "Cagalli, your group disconnect from this and head towards the Dominion and support La Flaga and Caldwell. We don't need this to be six on one, you'll get in each other's way."
"Gotcha," I reply.
"Also switch to the backup channel so you don't have to listen to him screaming," Feldt added.
"Now you tell me," Hilda sighed.
I flipped the channel, and took a deep breath as I eyed the Dominion in the distance.
Murrue was there. So was Mu, fighting her.
I could not make the same mistake I made the last time. I had to do this the right way.
The merciful way.
"All right. We're heading to Point Sierra. Flay, Dearka, follow me," I said, and I hit the accelerator.
Towards the battle that would almost certainly kill my beloved former captain.
There was shooting all around the Dominion as I approached the battle. Mu and Caldwell were occupied with both Mobile Suits and the missile batteries, making it difficult for them to get close, much less cause a decent amount of damage.
"Any allied ships near Point Sierra?" I asked Feldt.
"Negative. We're too far behind you."
It figured. Then again, I wasn't surprised. We had shot ahead a ways, we were in what had been the center of the Earth Alliance formation, and our fleet were going to be occupied trying to cut through a swath of ships to get to us.
"All right, then we'll take care of it ourselves. Follow me, guys."
I made a beeline for the Dominion, engaging the METEOR's rifles to blast two Earth Alliance Mobile Suits out of the way before I situated myself.
Another squadron of Mobile Suits approached me, however. "Flay, Dearka, fend them off for me while I line up a salvo on the Dominion."
"Got it," Flay replied.
Flay and Dearka engaged along with a couple of random Astrays, leaving me to my lonesome in targeting the Dominion.
It felt like my heart was getting heavier, like it wanted to sink into my stomach. I knew who was on that ship. It didn't matter that Azrael was on that ship, or a bunch of people I didn't know.
All that mattered was that Murrue was there, and that I was going to have to kill her.
I saw an Astray try to make a gun run on the Dominion and get blown apart by a couple of missiles.
I knew that if I kept hesitating, more lives would be lost.
"Sorry, Murrue." I turned on the multi-targeting system and put my finger on the trigger.
It was easier than I expected. Maybe it was because reality, for that one moment, had gripped me. Maybe it was because I knew I couldn't disobey orders this time. Maybe it was because I had finally given up, in that split second.
But ultimately I pulled the trigger.
The missiles fired from the pods and homed right in on the Dominion, along with a couple of random Earth Alliance Mobile Suits caught in the crossfire. The Dominion realized what was going on right away, launching a counter-salvo aimed at shooting my missiles down. The Mobile Suits were so annihilated by the series of explosions that when the dust cleared there was nothing left, but I saw explosions and smoke from the Dominion as well.
I had caused damage. It wasn't enough to destroy the ship, but it had been enough to injure it fairly seriously.
I was going to have to do it again.
I turned the system back on and aimed at the Dominion. I had two salvos left. This one, if it didn't destroy the ship, would almost certainly be enough to cripple it. The last salvo would, without a doubt, annihilate the Dominion once and for all.
I was just far enough out of range, and that Dominion just busy enough with the other Mobile Suits, that I could line up the shot and be done with the battle instantly.
But as I aimed and put my finger on the trigger, it just felt… wrong.
This was too easy. This wasn't a battle. This was murder.
I was going to murder Murrue without even trying to save her one more time.
I knew my orders. I knew that it wouldn't work. I knew all of this, but I knew that if I didn't try to help her, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
I left the multi-targeting system on but changed my channel away from my team's feed, searching for the Dominion's. Various other channels interrupted me as I searched, giving me snapshots of the battle raging.
The Earth Alliance fleet was not in good shape. Without nuclear weapons, they were going to have to invade Boaz, which would be borderline suicidal. Still, they were going to try. Fear of the Dominion, fear of Muruta Azrael, was motivating this idiocy.
Then I found her voice.
"-we have to muster up one more nuke. There has to be one more Peacemaker out there somewhere! There's no way we could have lost them all!"
There she was. In a few more seconds, I pulled up a visual. There she was, with that deep scar still slashing its way across her face, and she didn't even know I had gotten on her channel yet.
"Hi Murrue," I finally said.
"Who's there?" Murrue finally turned towards the screen and her eyes widened when she saw me, in fear or rage I couldn't tell. "It's you again!"
"You're probably wondering whose missiles struck your ship when there's no enemy ship in sight. That was me, Murrue."
She laughed at me, mockingly. "This again? I don't know where you keep getting this 'Murrue' from, but I'm not her! Now hold still so I can kill you!"
"Do you really want to do that to me, Murrue?" I asked, as my vision threatened to mist over and I felt my cheeks heating up.
I knew what I should do. But I couldn't. Looking at her, I… I just couldn't do it. Not unless she gave me no choice.
"Why not? You're just sitting there like a lame duck!"
"Even though I'm your friend?"
"I don't know you!"
"Yes you do. And I can tell you know me, because of the way your eyes are right now. You can sense it, don't you Murrue?"
She hesitated, her eyes wide in confusion in addition to fear. "I don't know what you're talking about!"
She remembered me. I could see it in her eyes. Maybe why the others couldn't get through to her was because they stopped trying after the initial resistance. But I kept digging at it, and the cracks were forming in 'Sariel Leighton'. She knew something was wrong.
"All of the nuclear missiles are gone, Murrue. I shot them all down. Your overlord, Muruta Azrael, recklessly armed them so they'd go off regardless of how the missiles were detonated. Do you really want to work for a man like that, who would place your troops, and you, recklessly in danger?"
"It's the only way to kill the Coordinators!"
More of that pablum. If she kept repeating that crap, I was going to have to do it.
Please give me a sign, Murrue.
"Stop giving me that crap, Murrue. You don't believe in that. You never did. All you wanted to do was what was right."
Please show me you're still in there.
She bit her lip. She had to be remembering. Enough of Murrue was still in there to interfere. She nervously looked to her left, then back at me again. "I am not having this conversation anymore. I'm going to blow you away and then you'll never bother me again-"
"Dammit, Murrue! Don't make me do this! You're my captain!"
"Your captain?" She froze again, her face softening as her eyes met mine in a dead stare.
"You put your life at risk to save mine, Murrue. You went into a Blue Cosmos base and shot your way in just to save me. Because you cared about me, Murrue. You weren't just my captain, you were my friend, and you were going to put it all on the line to help me because I was your friend too! So now I'm going to do the same thing to save you!"
She remembered. She had to be flashing back to the base. I could see it in her eyes as tears were forming at the tips. "I-I…"
I almost had her. If I could free her, we wouldn't have to destroy the Dominion at all, I was thinking. She could take control of the ship and turn it on Azrael, and we could even this war even faster.
A great sense of hope, genuine hope, filled me as I spoke to her again. "You and I had a special bond, Murrue. You even let me call you by your first name and eschew military ranks altogether. We trusted each other in a unique way that no one else had. And I'm going to trust that you, like you've always done, will do the right thing."
She grabbed her head. I was winning. Murrue was winning. "Stop it! Stop! I… I don't know you! I can't! It's impossible!"
"Help us, Murrue. Help me," I said.
I saw her, and heard her, cry and sob for a few seconds, her hands covering her eyes. Then, slowly shakily, they lowered from her face.
It was still the same face, with the same scar, but I saw the change in her eyes. It was the warm eyes of my captain.
"Murrue?" I dared to ask. This was a dream. This had to be a dream, the most beautiful dream. I had succeeded. I had gotten through to her. She was back. She was actually back!
Murrue smiled, just a little, as tears trickled down her cheeks. "Cagalli…. Cagalli, I'm-"
And then I saw the pistol pressed against her head.
All I saw was Murrue's eyes widen in fear before the trigger was pulled and blood spewed where her head had been.
BANG.
I wanted to scream, but my voice choked, and I could barely emit a sound, as I saw the blood spread into several large, red bubbles, as her body was pushed out of the captain's chair.
"God damn it." It was Azrael's voice, and all of a sudden I felt a rage bubble its way into my chest, even as hot tears floated from my eyes and directly in front of my face.
Kill him. Kill him. Kill him.
"I spent all that money and time reconfiguring her to be perfect, and you just forced me to waste it all. Now I gotta do this myself."
It wasn't just shock and grief anymore over Murrue. It was a rising, burning hatred for this man that was rapidly taking control over me. It was primal, it was ruthless, and it was suicidal.
Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!
"Did you really expect to save her, Cagalli Yamato? I don't know why you thought you could. Did you think I would just let her remember her true self and take over my ship and fight against Blue Cosmos? Did you really think I would let that happen?"
He was right, I had been a fool, and him telling me this just made me hate him more.
I saw the seed flashing in front of my eyes for the first time since this battle had begun. It was cracking, cracking faster than I had ever seen before.
KillhimkillhimkillhimkillhimKILLHIM-
My trembling hands put themselves back in the controls, shaking so much I don't know how I didn't rip the control stick out of its spot.
"Don't have anything to say to me? At a loss for words? Well, fine. I guess I'll just have you blown up while-"
"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
It was like I had transformed into a demonic monster, a creature from hell, and the scream was so intense, so all-encompassing, that I immediately tasted blood from the back of my throat.
The seed shattered, and I immediately fired the missile salvo at the Dominion, before switching to the beam sabers on either side of the METEOR.
I no longer cared if I lived or died. All I wanted was to destroy the Dominion. If doing that killed me too, it no longer mattered.
"Oh shit!" Azrael yelled as I followed my missiles to the Dominion.
I hit the acceleration and prepared the Freedom and the METEOR to slice the bridge in two as explosions erupted all around me and in front, as they hit the Dominion with vicious force.
It was the only way. The only way I could make Azrael's death even remotely cathartic. The only way I could make it painful enough, and terrifying enough, to truly avenge Murrue.
Without hesitating, I went full speed towards the bridge. Maybe I would go on the arc I intended to and slash the bridge. Maybe I would just ram it and immolate myself along with Azrael. Maybe I'd get shot down. Whatever. As long as I killed him nothing else mattered.
I screamed again, destroying what remained of my hoarse voice as I made my charge for the bridge.
"Somebody shoot her! Shoot her down! I don't care if it's a popgun, fire everything!" Azrael squealed.
It wasn't enough. His fear wasn't enough. He needed to be more scared.
The sad thing was that this was as scary as I could make it.
I saw the bridge, and I slashed right through it with the left beam saber, cleaving it in half as I raced past the Dominion.
I flew on for a little bit longer, before it occurred to me that I should turn around.
I did just in time to watch the Dominion vanish into a ball of flame, with only faint dust and debris remaining from where the ship once stood.
It wasn't enough. It still wasn't enough. I had killed Azrael almost instantly upon slicing the bridge. And it didn't change the fact that…
I removed my helmet and turned off my radio. The tears were relentless now.
Instead of anger, there was just emptiness, nothing. I truly had no purpose now.
I had nothing.
I had tried so hard, and I had seen her, for five seconds. I had seen my friend, I had seen Murrue, just as she had always been…
And she was robbed from me.
I was long past not caring if I lived or died anymore. Now it was worse. Now I wanted to die. I wanted Clotho or somebody else to come flying my way and get rid of the easy mark.
So I could join Murrue.
"K-Kill me," I whispered with the strangled remnants of my voice. "Please, someone kill me…"
I drifted in space alone, my face buried in my hands, waiting for someone to grant me the ultimate mercy and join my beloved captain in death.
I think this chapter is pretty indicative of what kind of ending we're heading towards.
Throughout this fic, with the exception of chapter 20, I decided to sneak in a theme for a canonical character dying in this fic. This theme would be naming each chapter after a song on the Breaking Benjamin album "Dear Agony", which, fittingly, is an album about despair, pain, suffering, and impending death. It does spoil that somebody is going to die in the chapter in question, but I wanted to see if I could run with the theme before anyone publicly picked up on it.
I am spoiling it right now because that theme is no longer in effect after this chapter. There's going to be a lot of death in upcoming chapters and this chapter is just the start. And I have my own theme for the final battle that I would like to do.
Anyway, thanks for reading so far. Chapter 85 is halfway done already, so it should go up on schedule.
