Chapter Eighty-Six: The Unforgiven

"You ever get the feeling that you're about to crash into something you're not seeing?" Dearka asked as we flew to GENESIS.

"Yes, Dearka, and now is not the time to remind me of those feelings," I replied, rolling my eyes. I was already feeling trepidation at this final battle, and he was definitely not helping.

"I'm serious. No one's seen Asta or anyone remotely like her at Boaz. I keep thinking she's lurking around here somewhere."

So Dearka was thinking the same thing I was. I wasn't sure if that made me feel better or worse. "Why? Have the feeling she has access to some crazy super weapon and is going to launch it at us at the last second?"

"Very funny. But you know there's still a machine called the 'Providence' out there and we haven't seen it yet."

"Doesn't mean Asta will be flying it," I replied.

"Outside of her coughing fits she's the best pilot they got left. I'd say chances are 50/50 we'll see her flying the Providence if it's ready."

That made my heart sink. There was a logic to what Dearka was saying that bothered me immensely. Asta, poisoned mentally by Rau Le Creuset, flying a machine that was on the Justice or Freedom's level? That was a recipe for disaster right there.

"We'll worry about it if that happens," Flay said. "Right now, we're approaching the GENESIS, and it looks like they're shooting at each other."

Flay wasn't wrong. It wasn't pronounced, and one side was clearly outnumbered by the other, but there it was: clear-cut proof of the civil war cutting through ZAFT. Problem was, they were all coming up as hostiles, which means I had no idea what to shoot at.

Feldt spoke then. "Cagalli, Flay, Dearka, you are being backed up by La Flaga's and Caldwell's units for this battle. Switch over to their channel and I will do the same."

"Who's guiding Athrun then?" I asked, as the panic of Athrun being cut off from help gripped me.

"The Eternal is going to take control over him, since it's an all-ZAFT team anyway," Feldt replied.

"All right," I said. At least that meant Athrun wouldn't be without support. "Switching over."

I did so, wondering if I had spoken my last words to Athrun.

I shook off the thought. No. That wasn't going to happen here. I was going to get out of this battle alive and then Athrun about the baby and we'd sort our lives out from there.

That's what I wanted. All I wanted.

"Hiya, princess! Ready to go into a situation we don't completely understand?" Mu asked the moment I switched over.

"Very funny. And… you know what, forget it. You're never gonna stop."

Mu just laughed. "Just getting you to loosen up before we go in there. We can't have you twitchy at the control stick."

"Gotcha." We were almost within attack range, and I still had no idea who I was supposed to shoot at. Unless I knew who were my allies, the METEOR would target everybody, friend and foe. I didn't want to kill people on my own side.

"I got a lot of targets shooting themselves, and I don't know who the good guys out there are," I said then.

"I'm working on that. Hold your fire unless they shoot at you first," Feldt said.

"Great. So we could already be dead before we can get a shot off." It took me a moment to realize that was Asagi Caldwell.

"Don't say that, Asagi. Maybe we can try to fly around the battle towards GENESIS?" Mayura Labatt, one of her wingmates, replied.

"Easier said than done. We're working on getting those allied with Eileen Canaver to transmit a signal to us so we can mark their ships and Mobile Suits as allied. It might take a few minutes."

Suddenly, some of the Mobile Suits broke off from the scrum in front of us and rushed towards our group. "I don't think we have that long!"

I ditched the METEOR, which might seem like a foolish choice, but considering I didn't know who I was supposed to be shooting at, it was the only choice I could make. The METEOR is great for clearing out Mobile Suits left and right, but not so good when I'm in the middle of a scrum where I don't know who my allies and enemies are.

"Should we shoot?" I asked.

"Not unless we're fired upon," Mu replied.

Suddenly, I heard alarms going off. I was in a bit of trouble. "Is being locked on good enough?"

A pause of maybe a second. "Screw it. Yes. Light 'em up."

"Copy that, sir!" Just as they opened fire, so did I. And everyone else.

The twelve or so opposing Mobile Suits were wiped out to maybe three or four of ours.

I positioned METEOR to bring up the rear of our formation, so if I needed it, I wouldn't have to wait very long to have its services. "That takes care of those guys, but what do we do about the battle in front of us?"

"Dammit. We need to know who we're supposed to shoot!" Mu growled.

"Still working on it," Feldt replied.

Suddenly, I had another bogey appear, separate from the group. "I think we may have somebody who's a guaranteed target."

"Running analysis," Asagi Caldwell said. "It's a GUNDAM of some kind!"

So it was. This was the fabled Providence that I had heard of.

"Dearka, Flay, on me! The Providence is our problem!"

"I've got a GUNDAM too, kid. The Providence is my problem too!" Mu replied.

I realized the symbolism behind this then. All four of us (though Dearka only somewhat) had been involved in the incident in the secret laboratory along with Asta. So we would all be teaming up to finish what had started in the laboratory with Rau Le Creuset.

Assuming this was Asta flying the Providence anyway.

"Careful. This looks like the machine is carrying a new weapon we haven't seen yet," Mu said.

"Copy that." I summoned the METEOR back to me, and it hooked back up.

Just as it did, though, the Providence suddenly launched a lot of things from its back and they split off into seemingly every direction imaginable.

"What the hell is that?" I yelled.

"This reminds me of the Moebius ZERO!" Mu replied. "Everyone, pick a section and blast it!{/i]"

"Trying to lock on! These things are fast!" Dearka yelled.

They were. They are flying around like little mosquitos all around us, taking potshots at both us and our allied Mobile Suits. Two of them got hit as we flew around, right in the chests, exploding into brilliant purple fire.

This couldn't go on. The Providence would decimate all of us before long.

"Mu!" I yelled. "I'm going to engage the Providence directly! Keep those things off of my back!"

"Get started then! And make it fast!" Mu replied.

"I will," I said. I accelerated them with the METEOR still attached, drawing the METEOR's beam swords. I was going to engage the Providence at point blank range and cleave it in half.

I was surprised Asta had stayed silent so far. She hadn't said a word to any of us since the battle began. You would think she would, considering the usual patterns I had noticed so far with enemies trying to chat up with me.

Considering our history, considering the significance of this final battle, why wasn't Asta trying to engage?

Or should I try to engage with her instead?

Maybe this was a test by Asta. To see what we would do when we fought her. Maybe fighting her without trying to talk with her would prove Rau Le Creuset's words to her or some twisted crap like that.

I sliced at her and the Providence dodged. The silence was indeed deafening.

I chased the Providence closer to GENESIS, my machine and the Providence spiraling around each other as I tried to get closer, dodging the Providence's attempts to shoot me.

I couldn't flip the channel to the ZAFT one if I tried. It was difficult just to avoid the Providence's attempts to shoot me, much less try to talk with her.

I got close enough and swiped at the Providence then, and I grazed the right leg. The Providence shot off in a different direction then, farther away from not only GENESIS, but the battle in general.

Finally, I got contact from what seemed to be the Providence. "Hello, Cagalli."

It was Asta, I'd recognize that voice anywhere. "Hi, Asta. Been a while."

The Providence aimed at me and I dodged it, but it had gotten too close to the METEOR for comfort. I aimed one of my missiles pods at the Providence to lock onto her. "You don't seem interested in having a talk."

"There's nothing to talk about."

I knew she was going to shoot me, so I fired my missiles first, just the one pod. The missiles started chasing the Providence then, and the Providence was forced to turn its guns away from me and towards the missiles, retreating as it fired at them all.

As that happened, one of the autonomous guns tried to ambush me, but I quickly shot it with my rifle before it could, and it exploded.

Unfortunately, the Providence had done the same with my missiles. They hadn't landed a single scratch on her.

"I see we both have new weapons too. I just introduced you to METEOR," I replied.

"And that was the DRAGOON system," Asta softly replied.

I still didn't have a visual of Asta, just her voice. But something didn't seem right about this. It really didn't feel like a final confrontation between us. More like it was just the beginning.

The paranoia was already beginning to eat at me, that things weren't quite like how they seemed.

"Asta," I said. "I don't know what your motives are, but your side has lost. Please join us."

"No."

"Asta, I don't want to shoot you down. We don't have to be enemies."

"Shut up."

The Providence took aim at me again and I had to dodge a potshot. "Asta, you don't have to do what Rau Le Creuset says! He sold you a bunch of lies! I have proof that your mother loves you!"

"I said shut up!"

I played the audio recording then, the full context of Ezalia Joule's words.

"I feel like I made a mistake . . . doing this. Maybe Asta would've been born if I kept her. Maybe she would've miscarried like they predicted. It's hard to think that I'm holding her, and in less than a decade she'll be too weak to stand upright."

"What is this?" Asta yelled. I had rattled her.

I heard the mysterious man speak again. "What do you plan to do with her?"

"I'm going to give her the best life she can. I'll make sure she never wants for anything, and give her the best care I can. She's already been punished enough for my mistakes. She'll be loved and cherished until the day she dies."

I heard a soft squeal in the background, and I heard Ezalia's voice again, softer. "That's right, you heard me, didn't you? I love you, Asta. I always will."

"Did you hear that, Asta! Your mother never viewed you as anything-"

"SHUT UP! How dare you use my mother this way!"

Suddenly, it was as if the Providence had gone berserk. Every gun that it could fire did, and all of a sudden I was on the defensive as it chased me around GENESIS.

"My mother, if she loved me, would never have put me into that insane experiment! She let them play God with me!"

"My own birth father played God with me personally and you don't see me complaining about it!" Of course, I had complained about it, before I got over myself, but that wasn't the point. "It doesn't matter how we came into being, Asta, what matters is that we do the right thing for humanity regardless of what we are!"

I fired another missile salvo from the other pod, but it was blind and without locking onto the Providence. I was wasting missiles but it didn't matter, I needed the Providence to back off and stop breathing down my neck.

"You don't get it, do you, Cagalli? We're not like the others! We're science experiments! We're not even like other Coordinators! We didn't come from a womb!"

I heard Asta coughing then as she dodged my missiles, who went wide and exploded behind her. I half-expected a rant about how the two of us were somehow superior, but I didn't get that. "We were born in machines, Cagalli! Don't you get it? Mankind's decided to play God and we're the creations of people who can't even come close to God!"

"Dammit, Asta, stop spewing what Rau says and get ahold of yourself!" I yelled back.

Asta chuckled bitterly. "I can't forgive them, Cagalli. I can't. None of them, I don't care if they're living or dead. I've kept all of this for myself for so long. Not saying a word to ZAFT, or my mother. I can't hold it in anymore. Seeing you… it just makes me want to kill everything in sight!"

Lovely sentiment, right?

"Don't make me shoot you down, Asta. Just turn your weapons on ZAFT and end the war!"

Another bitter chuckle. "Oh, I'm ending the war, all right. You have no idea. No idea at all. Not even ZAFT knows what I've done."

That was even lovelier. "What the hell are you talking about, Asta?"

"Have you ever wanted to know our purpose, Cagalli? Why they went through the effort to breed us? Why Blue Cosmos wanted us dead so bad?"

I thought about what Rau said, that my birth mother had helped found Blue Cosmos due to her disillusionment with my birth father's research. Then there was Doctor Malcolm in the Blue Cosmos base, who had started telling me how I was related to some big secret before Stellar shot him.

I was curious, I had always been curious, but on some level I didn't want to know.

"How about we find the answer together, Asta? Stop fighting me and help me instead. We could use the Providence and the DRAGOON system to end the battle."

"Gonna keep going on and on about that like a broken record, aren't you?" Asta asked.

All of a sudden, she stopped moving, and the Providence's arms stretched out wide. "How about you shoot me?"

I couldn't believe what I was seeing or hearing. "What are you doing, Asta?"

"I'm not going to stop, Cagalli. I'm going to give you one chance to decide what to do. I want to see what kind of person you really are."

The Providence came closer to me, its arms still wide. "Well, Cagalli? I'm right here. Make up your mind. What's the best choice? Shoot me and end the battle, or don't shoot me and we continue dancing around like stupid idiots with left feet trying all kinds of crazy shit we don't understand."

It occurred to me that Asta had to be suicidal to make this decision. Why else would you basically come as close as possible to prostrating yourself in space? Why would you let yourself become this vulnerable, just for a test to see what I would do?

"Come on, Cagalli. You got ten seconds. Make up your mind."

Shooting Asta now would end the threat once and for all. But what if she was thinking of defecting, but she wanted to see what kind of person I was before making that decision? A test of character to see if her life was worth living or not.

I made up my mind. I wasn't going to shoot. If Asta decided to come charging at me, however, I wasn't going to show any mercy.

"Five seconds, Cagalli. What are you-"

Suddenly, a shot from the Buster rushed through space and went right through the torso of the Providence.

I stared at the hollowed GUNDAM in shock. I had not expected anyone from my team to break out from that scrum and try to help me.

Dearka had taken matters into his own hands.

I flipped back to our channel just in time to hear Dearka talk. "Sorry, Asta, but after all that crap you just said, you gave me no choice."

Asta didn't answer. Instead, the Providence exploded.

I didn't yell at Dearka. I didn't even lecture him. I fully understood why he did what he did. The primary emotion was… disappointment, I guess. I wanted to help Asta, but she wasn't willing to help herself.

I lowered my weapons. "I guess that's it then."

"We need to concentrate on destroying GENESIS," Mu La Flaga said. "The Kusanagi is in range and took a couple of shots at it, but it seems to be defended by some sort of Phase Shift armor. We have to find another way to-"

"The white wings of moon butterflies flicker down the streets of the city," a highly familiar voice suddenly said, interrupting Mu.

"What the hell?" Dearka asked.

"Blushing into silence the useless wicks of sound-lanterns in the hands of girls."

Let me tell you one thing. When somebody starts quoting H.P. Lovecraft on you, particularly a pilot you thought had just died, you're in big, big trouble.

"Asta?" I asked in shock.

She laughed then. Actually laughed. This was more than just her bitter, sarcastic chuckles. It was full-blown laughter, like someone playing the biggest practical joke in history. "You all thought I was dead, didn't you? Especially you, Dearka?"

"What's going on here?" Dearka asked, and he couldn't keep the fright out of his voice. I was feeling my heart pound against my chest too. It was like a ghost was literally talking to us from the grave, except all of us were hearing it.

"I was flying the Providence by remote. I'm not dead. Not yet. Not when I have so much work to do."

Suddenly, my alarms were going off and my radar was spazzing out. "Mu! My radar's going crazy!"

"I know, kid! Mine too! It's like it can't process this information!" Mu replied.

"It's like our software is overloaded trying to figure out what's going on!" Flay added.

Suddenly, out from behind GENESIS, I saw it.

It was a pale white Mobile Suit unlike anything I had ever seen before.

It didn't even look like anything produced in Cosmic Era. It looked like it had come from another reality altogether. Another time, another place.

"This is what we were created for, Cagalli. All of the deaths, all of the abortive fetuses, all of the treasure and technology and manpower spent. We were created for one purpose and one purpose only: to fly this machine."

This was it? This was what I had been modified for? Why I was taken from my birth mother's womb and put into an artificial one?

This was the secret Rau was alluding to, that Doctor Malcolm was going to describe to me, that the 'Lord Djibril' person was hinting at in all of the conversations I've heard over the course of this year or so?

To fly this?

The strange, ghost-like Mobile Suit put itself between GENESIS and the rest of us then, floating alone. Somehow, I had a feeling that it could take all of us on by itself.

"Our precursors, the only people capable of flying this machine, were rendered extinct. But they had to keep trying, Cagalli. They had to find someone capable of flying the machine that George Glenn found at Jupiter. And if they couldn't find someone… they would have to make that person."

I wouldn't let her manipulate me. I wasn't going to join her in despair, no matter how overwhelmed I felt.

I looked at the data as I tried to scan the machine. It didn't make any sense. "Feldt," I half-asked, half-begged. "Please tell me you know what this thing is."

Feldt didn't answer. Maybe she was frozen in shock. I didn't know, but it was terrifying me.

"Feldt!" I yelled.

"Mission control can't help you. Your ships can't help you. No one can help you. Not against what I have," Asta replied softly.

"Oh, go to hell!" Mu growled, and he fired a shot right at the strange Mobile Suit.

Asta didn't even try to dodge. It just reflected off, like there was a barrier surrounding it. This was more than just Phase Shift armor, it was like the space around the strange Mobile Suit had become Phase Shift armor itself!

Asta laughed sharply at the shot bounced away into space. "You didn't think it was that easy, would you? This machine comes with a barrier, the I-Field, that will deflect all beam rifle shots! You're not going to kill me with simple weapons like those!"

"Feldt," I asked again. "Please tell me what that Mobile Suit is and tell me now."

Feldt's voice finally, softly, came over the radio. "I saw this machine's design. It was just a prototype the final time I was awakened. Celestial Being was concerned about it, because it had capabilities far beyond any Mobile Suit or battle cruiser in existence. It was considered a potential xenocidal weapon, something that can wipe out an entire culture, species, world, from existence."

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better!" Dearka said.

"It was said that this machine could turn all opposing technology into grains of silicon dioxide using a newly invented set of nanomachines," Feldt continued, ignoring Dearka. "It was built to destroy what lived at Jupiter, and I assume that's what this machine did, along with destroying Anno Domini in the process."

A couple of soft breaths. Then she spoke again. "This machine was designated as CONCEPT-X 6-1-2. It was also known… as the Turn X Gundam."

A deafening silence hung out over the radio.

And for the first time since I had begun flying a Mobile Suit…

I had no idea what I was going to do.

Or even if I would survive.


You may want to cue up "Heavy Duty" or "Black History" from the Turn A Gundam score. Just a suggestion.

Only one person realized what was going on in chapters 41-42 when I alluded to the Turn X Gundam existing in Cosmic Era (it was purposefully vague) but it was there.

Of course, is this the same Turn X Gundam from the Turn A Gundam series? Or is it different from that machine? And does this place Anno Domini and Cosmic Era into continuity with Turn A, Universal Century, and all of that? Or am I J.J. Abrams-ing things a bit?

I'll eventually answer those questions... someday. I'm not entirely sure of the final answers to a couple of the questions myself.

Anyway... next chapter, expect shit to get real.