I awakened to two familiar dark eyes watching me. I could feel my body shaking, whether it was from the cold or my dream, I wasn't sure which. The second thing I noticed was an excruciating pain radiating from the side of my stomach. I went to grab my side but warm hands encircled my own before I could.

I glanced up into his face. Fang had purple crescents under his eyes and his hair was messy and unkempt. He looked as if he hadn't slept for days. I was overcome with a waves of guilt, not knowing what else to do, I scrambled away from him until I was pressed against the wall, as far away from him as possible.

Fang's eyes widened as he opened his mouth to say something. Instead, he let his lips fall together once more. I watched as he stilled his face into a mask of neutrality. Fang was hard to read, but I had never noticed because he always let me in. But it was visible now, the way he shut me out. I felt as if my chest was caving in with the pain of it.

"How are you feeling?" He questioned. I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the question. I had left, I had chosen Dylan over the Flock, then had been stupid enough to get caught and even worse, get shot.

If he had hurt at least half as bad as I had due to my actions, I had caused him more pain than I had ever meant to. I had hurt him, then gotten hurt myself, both mentally and physically. I wanted to believe more than anything that he still cared, that his question was sincere. Then it hit.

It was like I was dying. My breaths came in shallow puffs, a weight pressed down on my chest with heavy force, and I hated myself for the way it made me feel weak. Wrapping my arms around myself I pressed my face into my legs and curled my hands into fists.

I tried to collect myself, to stop trembling and blink back the tears clinging to my lashes. But it was too late. Tears flowed thickly down my face and I bit my tongue until I tasted blood.

I took deep breaths until I could feel all fear leave my body. I shut my eyes until all I saw was the kaleidoscope of spots and darkness dancing on the inside of my eyelids. After what seemed like an eternity, it stopped. Leaving me exhausted and drained.

It was then I noticed Fang's hands rubbing my back and his soft murmurs. "Are you okay?" Fang repeated. "Fine," I breathed out. It had been a panic attack. They started after I left the Flock, and got worse when I began to fear their occurrences. The anticipation causing one itself. "It's not fine," he snapped.

I didn't want to face him, instead I opted for staring at the floor. "Skylar." I didn't respond. "Skylar. My god! Look at me." I did, expecting to see a hard stare and cold expression. He was open this time though, concern coloring his features. "What was that?" He asked.

Shame flowed through my veins, more powerful than blood and my nails bit into my palms sharply. I didn't want to answer, but I did. "Panic attack," I mumbled quietly.

"You don't get panic attacks," he said sharply before understanding dawned on him. He murmured more to himself than to me, "You do, you just didn't used to." I nodded in response.

My eyes now stung from the tears and I felt as if I had run a marathon. I hated crying, yet I did it all the time, now more so than ever. Maybe it was because of my childhood, when I had never been allowed to cry.

Or maybe it was because after having been so emotionless for years, it was only way I could be under the circumstance, everything felt new and strong and terrifyingly foreign. It was like a dam that had been broken, now everything was flowing outwards at alarming rates.

Finally, it felt like my emotions weren't ruling me. There was nothing to distract me from the throbbing my side. As if noticing this, Fang snatched a bottle of pills off the nightstand. "You might want one of these," he told me.

I eyed the bottle suspiciously, not having had the best experiences with medications in the past. Fang scoffed, "I'm not trying to poison you. They're for the pain."

I had never thought it was Fang, but the way the pills rattle against the container set me on edge. "I didn't…" I trailed off when I realized there was nothing to say. I opened the bottle and swallowed one thickly. I then stared out the window, not knowing what else to do.

I did nothing until I heard Fang rise from his chair to leave. "Don't go." He turned towards me, "Why? You obviously don't want me here," he retorted. "I do," I said, then more strongly, "I do."

"Then talk to me! Don't just sit there and stare at the window. Talk to me," Fang didn't seem mad, but frustrated. "Tell me where've you've been and where all those photos you had were taken, tell me what you've done. Just talk!"

I glanced towards where my backpack sat unzipped in a corner, the photos messily thrown back in the Polaroid tucked into it's compartment. "You went through my photos?" Not accusatory, simply curious. He shamelessly answered, "Yes." Something between a laugh and a scoff escaped me.

"Here," I instructed. "Hand me my bag." The backpack was placed in my lap and Fang took his seat once more. His eyes were wary but he still seemed to want to talk. I dug around the bag until I found the one I wanted. I took out a photo of myself jumping off a large bridge, "First, we went to New Zealand." Fang's lips twitched into a faint smile.

Later:

Fang and I had talked for almost an hour about the places I'd traveled. I'd managed to redirect any conversations about panic attacks, although I had the feeling I wasn't escaping the discussion. Things were light and fun and simple when talking about the happy things but then it seemed as if there was nothing more to say. But there was so much more, just about the things I didn't want to say aloud.

After half an hour, Fang had moved to sit with me on the bed, I rested my head cautiously on his shoulder while talking. When he didn't pull away I felt the thrill of both underlying love and comfort. We sat there in peaceful silence until I spoke what I had been thinking the entire time, "I missed you. I missed you everyday." And it was true, there hadn't been a day that had gone by without Fang drifting into my thoughts and the tides of sadness drenching me.

Fang stilled, I lifted my head, had I said something wrong? Fang didn't reply for a while but pulled me to him once more, "I missed you too. So much more than you'll ever know." I wanted to sag with relief at his words.

My side was pulsing with pain but Fang seemed to make everything bearable, as long as he was there. I'd always thought I'd been able to endure everything life had thrown at me, and maybe that was true. But enduring, that was different than living. For the past few months, I hadn't been living, I had been surviving.

Author's Note: Hi guys! Here's another chapter for you all. It took me forever to find the time to write it. I've been so busy with school work, guitar, and othe stuff. I've also been reading Empire of Storms, (haven't finished it yet,) but it's sooooo good and so amazingly long. If you haven't read the Throne of Glass series you most definitely need to. Anyways, don't forget to review because I love to read all of your thoughts and opinions and story ideas. Thanks! XOXO- Skai.