Deadpool... Boredom Creates Comedy!
Chapter 7: the one that comes after Chapter 6
Hello and welcome once again boys and girls to the Deadpool Happy Hour! One of your best internet resources about me Deadpool according to our own surveys which may have or have not been rigged to make ourselves look good. On today's show we are going to have a very special episode on why you shouldn't do drugs... but instead sell them so you can make a kick ass profit! So you can say good bye to going cold turkey and say hello to buying an expensive holiday home in the nice hot Country of Turkey! I know it has been awhile since our last chapter and for that I am not sorry... I am not a preforming monkey for you people but I do like them bananas. Now some of this fan fiction's few dedicated followers may know that I like to make a call out to those who leave stupid reviews and I humiliate them... so unless they are masochists they are not going to like it. Now one reviewer who's name just comes up as guest told me that I should start a romantic relationship with Black Mamba because he believes that I am not gay... now firstly I do not need help with my love life thank you very much you homophobic ass... so what if I am possibly gay? I can be whomever I want to be just like anybody else on this planet... and if I was gay it wouldn't be because I am misunderstood (which I am) it would be because I like cock! And just for a matter of fact I slightly curious and want to try new things and lets face it no one in the fictional world of comics ever gets a Sexually Transmitted Disease... well except for that one poor bastard... the crabs just ate him alive, I tell you the sight of it made you hungry for custard and hot dogs ... Anyway I also got a request that the next chapter had to be out by the end of July well we tried but we had to put it on hold for a bit as I Deadpool was in talks with my fan fiction writer PJ-Harper about having a spin off crossover with Hellboy (Check out the Fanfic Hellboy: The Theory Of Saints) and also having a crossover with all other Marvel Heroes in a Parody of a hit film! Anyway now it is time to continue with the main storyline within this fan fiction masterpiece!
So I am sure that if read the previous chapter you would know that I was contacted by S.H.I.E.L.D's very bad ass Nick Fury... (the Samuel L. Jackson one of course cause we have the best budget here at Deadpool... Boredom Creates Comedy and get the best possible celebrities to guest star... I hope I look like Ryan Reynolds under this mask cause I am planning to hit the Playboy Mansion later... em wait I feel as if I have gone off track of what I was saying...)
"That is because you have, idiot!" Italic inner monologue screams from within side my head.
"Oh right of course... emm what was I talking about again?"
"IDIOT! Just reread what was wrote down."
"Fine, fine... God you are so touchy today aren't you. Must be on your period or something."
"I am not a fucking woman you ass!"
"Could have fooled me little Miss Sensitive..."
Anyway I got contacted by Nick Fury... you know the guy who kinda looks like a pirate and what not with that eye patch of his. So apparently S.H.I.E.L.D needs me to help them with something which makes sense seeing as I am the star of this Fan Fiction so I should be called by the top dogs of the Marvel Universe as to make it entertaining to you the reader.
So after my phone call from Fury in the last chapter I thought I would go to my apartment and get my camera so I could take pictures on the Helicarrier and sell them to the KGB... Now I know what you are thinking how unpatriotic of you Deadpool Old Chap... well remember this that I am Canadian and that SHIELD is American. So there! Score 2 for Deadpool and 0 for nerds.
Now anyway, to continue with our story I am in my apartment packing my official The Dark Knight Rises Bane back pack because lets face it that man is a legend and I enjoy people displaying their love for S+M clothing... they are the true heroes as they are not afraid to show who they truly are. Then as I am about to put my Heath Ledger Joker lunch box into the back pack I feel my cell phone ringing in my pocket and honey it was all kinds of good vibrations. So I answered it and once again it was Samuel L. Jackson.
"Sup my brother from another mother." I saying trying to show Jackson I now how to roll in the hood.
"Wilson go to the top of your apartment building now." He replies coldly completely ignoring my lickity slick street terminology (yes I do know big words... up yours society!)
"Why? Are you going to beam me up Scotty?"
"Just get to the roof you will know when you get there." Then with that he hung up on me without so much as I love baby... no, you hang up first. I'm so lonely.
So as old Sam ordered I went to the top of my building and waiting for me was Stark.
"Wilson are you ready to go?" He asked as soon as he saw me.
"Of course I am buddy."
"Please don't ever call me your buddy again OK."
"Fine by the way I have been learning up on your family history."
A little freaked out by this he simply replied... "What?"
"Yeh I am watching that documentary show Game Of Thrones... I didn't know you were related to Sean Bean."
"God you are an idiot..." He sighed as he shook his head.
"Hey I don't like the term idiot I prefer... actually I don't prefer anything they all hurt my feelings..." I began to sob under my mask... the other heroes don't seem to know how hard of a time I get from them... I need a cuddle... any offers from my hot (being the key word here) female (males may apply too if they so wish) fans? Please leave a review with you exact measurements.
"Whatever Deadpool are you ready or not to come to shield?"
"Of course I am ready do you not see my 100% official Bane from The Dark Knight Rises film from DC! That right buddy I supported their film instead of my universes films! Why? I hear you ask..."
"Actually I didn't ask you anything idiot." He replied giving me one of those internet favourite memes the face palm.
"Well I am going to tell you anyway, it's because my own universe wouldn't let me be in either of this years Marvel films! They said I wasn't a big enough or good enough character... well I am good enough to get this Fan- Fic, my own video game..."
Coming to a store near you in 2013 hopefully if the would doesn't go to shit like the Mayans think.
Thanks italic inner monologue!
No problem.
Now back to my rant, "And Wolverine's film God Dammit! Sure it wasn't the best... OK it was one of the worse but it was no Batman and Robin!" I stumped my foot as hard as possible onto the ground to show that I was 100% serious! It may have a hurt alittle... OK it hurt like a motherf #ker!
"Deadpool... are you finished?" Downey asked looking at me with his mask open with an expression that showed I was really beginning to get on his nerves.
"Yeah I think I am good for the couple of chapters."
"Good." he said as he grabbed me by the wrist and his boots fired up and we went from zero to WTF! In 1 second or less. He flew us up to the Helicarrier.
When we got there these doors opened alone its side and we went in and once at the landing platform Stark threw me to the ground.
Waiting for us there was Fury.
"I hoped you enjoyed your flight Deadpool." he said with this smirk on his face...
"I am not to bad considering that my whole fictional life flashed before my eyes even my zombie one which even I thought was weird and that the contents of my bowels are now in my tights." I began to pat down my butt just in case that was actually true.
"That will be all for now Iron Man." Jackson told Downey in a dismissive tone.
"A thanks would be nice Fury." Stark remarked as he left the Helicarrier.
Fury watched Stark leave the Helicarrier then he directed his glance towards me. "Wilson, are you ready to work for S.H.I.E.L.D once again?"
"You now it my brother from another mother! Look I even polished my badge so good you can see the 5 o'clock shadow on your big old bald head!" I took my badge out of my pocket just to show him that I wasn't lying! And hopefully he will reward me by giving me another another badge for taking such good care of this one.
"Very good..." Jackson retorted in an uninterested matter, "I want you take down Wolverine."
I shall leave it there for now my many faithful followers and hopefully it will not take as long to write the next chapter... What am I saying it will get up when it does and not when you want it to... Anyhow see you later true believers!
