Deadpool… Boredom Causes….
Excessive MASTURBATION!
Well either that or comedy….
Chapter 8: DINGO TOOK MY WOLVERINE
Hello once again my fateful FanFiction followers are you ready for more jizz in your pants Deadpool awesomeness? If you said no then fuck you! You shall get it regardless. Well if you have been following the story so far you will know that now I have been requested by a certain Mace Windu look alike to take down my bub Jimmy Howlett. And that is why it has been awhile since the previous chapter as Wolverine feels bad that my first film appearance was terrible and he was going to give me another chance in his new film however it conflicted with this story arc in this FanFiction so I felt I should decline. Besides I am getting my own kickass videogame (PRE-ORDER NOW FOR THE LOLZ) that will reign over Wolverine's film and make it his bitch! Also can you please stop saying, "Deadpool you look amazing in the Batman: Arkham Origins trailer!" Cause hate to break it you folks it my slower and not younger half brother Deathstroke.
"And now back to our feature presentation!"
"Hey italic inner monologue I'm talking here!"
"I am sick of your aimless rants at the beginning of every chapter! So I am trying to give what the reader came here for and that was for the continuation of this hopeless FanFiction story."
"Well that's it I am going to become sane so that you will no longer be able to speak anymore!"
"If you think that you can become sane then you are crazier than I thought."
"Hey screw you to buddy."
"Idiot…"
"Why do we hurt each other so italic inner monologue?"
"Cause you're a dick!"
"Ouch... I was trying to open up to you. I thought it was a real emotional moment and you ruined it..."
"Not as I ruined your mother's pussy last night."
"That's it from this moment on I will suppress the part or my crazy that causes you to communicate with me and ruin my awesome fanfiction of awesomeness!"
"Good luc..."
"I HAVE SPOKEN! SURPRESSING!"
And that boys and girls is how you stop the inner voices inside your mind from talking to you so forget about that government conspiracy of prescription medication! Wow there is a lot of blood gushing out of my nose and ears... well more than usual anyway. I don't feel so good... oh crap I'm fainting head first onto my glass coffee table.
"SMASH!"
"Hey what do you think you are doing I thought I suppressed you!"
"Well I am giving the reader sound effects of you smashing your ugly face onto the coffee table! And you trying to suppress is what caused you to faint. So maybe you should try and avoid that from now on."
"Fine OK I will... but can you please stop talking so much."
"I will leave you alone for awhile anyway... now get up and get Wolverine just like Yoda or whatever you call him told you too."
"YODA!? Have you ever seen Star Wars! Samuel L. frickin' Jackson plays Mace frickin' Windu! From now on leave the pop culture references to me before you pop a cap in yo' ass!"
"Very well now just go get Wolverine!"
"FINE! Quit nagging me!"
I sat down looking at my map of the world trying to figure out were to find the best host of the Oscars I've ever seen. Now the character of Wolverine is Canadian (Like yours truly! And my man crush Ryan Reynolds) and I doubt he would go back to that hell whole so I think that I will mark that place off as a hell no. Jackson said that Wolverine has apparently been off the grid for awhile and he suspects that he is not in the USA. So he has to be aboard. My best bets are Australia seeing as Wolvie's actor hails from there. Or maybe Japan seeing as his new film is set there... Choices, choices... If I go to Australia I can fulfil my lifelong wet dream of shooting a stupid Koala in his stupid Koala face. Then on the other hand if I go to Japan I can finally shoot my own hentai with some school girl and a tentacle monster. Both give me a hard on but which do I choose.
Screw it these Koalas have been getting away for far to long without a bullet to the face and plus it will make the chapter title make more sense. So with my decision made I picked up my Bane backpack to head for the door.
When I open the door none other than the Boy from Oz is standing there at my apartment door with his yellow spandex leaving little to the imagination.
"I hear you have been sent to take me out bub." He says with his eyes narrowed angrily at me while his claws began to slowly withdrawn from his fists. Then he looks down for a split second. "OH GOD! Did you just get an erect when you saw me!" He had to use his hand to stop his vomit from flying out of his mouth.
"Hey don't flatter yourself buddy! I got this bad boy from thinking of Koalas and tentacles!"
"Dear God! You're sicker than I thought! I don't think I can keep my lunch down... I'm going to throw up!"
I stepped aside from the door and pointed to the other end of my apartment, "Toilet is over there."
"Thanks bub..." Jackman said as he rushed to the toilet.
I then sounded after him, "Don't take to long... I'm going to have to milk the snake."
"JESUS!" Was the only reply I got and then all I could hear was the sound of projectile vomiting.
Well seeing as Wolvie is not in any shape to fight yet I think it is best to end here... so guess I'll catch you later!
