Major trigger warning. See full warning in chapter 1.

Angel Mine Beth

All recognized characters, situations, and locations belong to AMC and the writers, creators, and actors of the Walking Dead.

*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*

Am I in heaven here or am I in hell
at the crossroads I am standing
So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
that you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll
see another day and we will praise it
and love the light that brings a smile
across your face...

Hold on
hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell.
Hold On – Sarah McLachlan – lyrics by Carrabba, Christopher Andrew © Universal Music Publishing Group, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*

I know you look at me and you see just another dead girl. I'm not Michonne. I'm not Carol. I'm not Maggie. I've survived and you don't get it, 'cause I'm not like you or them, but I made it. Beth 'Still'

*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*

Beth opened her eyes. She was sitting at a picnic table in the prison yard. The fences were still up, the buildings intact, but the grounds were empty. No people or walkers in sight. She'd never been there without being surrounded. She hadn't been alone, truly alone since the dead started walking. At the farm, Jimmy was always trying to get her alone, and her father and sister were always there to stop it. On the run, the group was always there. Despite all the space at the prison, someone was always close. Then afterward, Daryl never left her side. Until...

It was cold out here. She wondered if she should go inside, but none of this seemed right.

Footsteps scuffed the gritty pavement. Beth turned to see him approaching. "Hey little songbird."

Beth blinked, "Hi."

Merle sat down next to her with a sigh, leaning forward to rest his hands between his knees. Hands. Two of them. A way she'd never seen him in life.

"Am I dead?"

Merle grinned, "Nah, darlin'. I am, sure. But you ain't. Ain't nowhere near your time yet."

"So where are we?"

"Kinda in between I think. I dunno that much really. Didn't go inside. Wanted to wait for Daryl, keep an eye on him while I could."

"Inside… you mean into Heaven?"

Merle snorted, "Yeah. Ain't that the shit? Figured my life was a one way ticket to hell."

Beth smiled, "God knows what's in your heart." Merle made a wordless sound and shrugged at her, in a way very familiar. It tore at her, and reminded her, "I was with Daryl. We got out together. It was just us, we haven't seen anyone else."

"I know. Been watchin'. Right from the start. Or my end, I guess."

"You're Judith's ghost, aren't you?"

Merle smiled and nodded, "Sweet darlin' can see me. No one else can, least not so far."

"Is Daryl OK? Someone hit him, then something hit me. Everything went dark. I don't know if he's still… or if Judith or Maggie or anyone got out." She broke off, blinking rapidly.

Merle touched her back, a firm, warm pressure on her back. "Daryl's fine. The baby is too. The big black guy that came in durin' the whole Woodbury thing, he took her out along with two girls. Carol caught up to them. I peek in on the regular. Rick 'n Carl got out together, hooked up with Michonne. Maggie got out with the big black guy's sister and her boyfriend. Glenn's travelin' with strangers. I ain't peeked in on them since the attack though."

"And Daryl, he's OK?"

"Yeah. He escaped. He didn't know they took you too." Merle took a deep breath, "Look here, darlin', I gotta tell yah. You're not safe where you are. Them that's got yah, they ain't good. The one in charge is evil, plain and simple. Yah got some seriously bad shit about to happen. I tried to stop it. Done ever'thin' I can think of to change their minds. Them that's in charge. But it's happenin'." Merle finally turned his eyes to meet hers. "It's prob'ly the worst thing that's ever happened to you, worse even than watchin' your daddy die. But you will get through it. You will survive it. And Daryl will come for you, I swear I will make that happen. But it won't be in time." Beth reached up and stroked his anguished face. He stared at her in shock, even now, she was trying to comfort him.

Soft footsteps approached.

Merle smiled at Beth, "Someone here to meet you."

Beth turned. There in front of her stood a small boy. Blonde hair, blue eyes, wearing jeans and a black leather vest with large, pure white wings spread out behind him. Beth smiled at him. The little angel smiled back a very familiar smile. Beth reached out her arms and he came to her, climbing onto her lap and wrapping her up in those wings, surrounding her in warmth. Merle reached over and ruffled the little boy's hair as he snuggled into Beth's embrace.

"I know you," Beth whispered. She looked to Merle, "I know him." Merle grinned and nodded.

The boy lifted his head to face Beth, "I'm coming soon. But you gotta be strong."

"I will," Beth said, "I promise." Beth stroked his face, memorizing his features.

"They're gonna wake you up now," Merle said.

"I don't want to."

"I know."

Beth opened her eyes. She was in what was obviously a hospital room.

"Well hello there," a voice greeted. A woman in a crisp, navy police uniform entered the room.

Despite her smile, Beth's nerves were set on edge at the sight of her. 'The one in charge is evil, plain and simple' echoed in her mind as she sat up to face the woman. "Hi," Beth replied.

"How are you feeling, Beth?"

"OK," Beth replied. "A little groggy. Who are you? Where are we?"

"My name is Dawn Lerner. I'm in charge here, and here is Grady Memorial Hospital in Atlanta."

"Where's Daryl?"

Dawn's smile slipped away, "Sweetheart, don't you remember? He's dead."

Beth felt her heart seize in her chest. Her head spun.

Dawn sat down on the edge of the bed and took Beth's hands in hers. "You had to be sedated because you were hysterical after watching him die. You don't remember?" Beth shook her head, gasping for air. "My men were on a run for supplies when they found you and him outside of a funeral home. They tried to save you both but he was taken out by rotters. They couldn't get close enough to help."

'She's a lyin' sack of shit, Songbird.'

"Beth you need to calm down, sweetheart. I don't want to have to sedate you again."

Others moved into the room. A man in a doctor's coat. Two more cops. One she recognized immediately as the man who'd stepped up behind Daryl. The one who hit him with a baton. Beth's breathing slowed. She didn't resist as Dawn pushed her to lay back down on the bed. The dark haired cop had hit Daryl, just before someone had hit her. So Dawn was lying. Her breathing evened out as she calmed down. A lyin' sack of shit.

"That's it," Dawn smiled again.

Beth shivered. Dawn tucked the blanket further up around her. "You rest, sweetheart. You're safe here. We've got a good place here. You'll have to do your part, but you will be safe here."

'LIAR'

Beth closed her eyes. Her memories of the dream were fading, but she clung to some of it. Merle was watching over them. Daryl was alive. And this was not a safe or a good place.

And that sweet little angel was coming.

*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*

Beth woke, but kept her eyes closed. Dr. Edwards had sat at her side with a clipboard and a list of questions for almost an hour. Asking about her parents and how they died (her momma stumbling out of the barn to be shot, only to grab at her moments later. Her dad, kneeling in the grass until the Governor swung Michonne's katana). Asking about childhood illnesses and the scar on her wrist. She'd been given a meal, larger than she'd seen in over a year, allowed to shower, then given a couple of shots, the last of which sent the world drifting away. She hadn't even asked what they were, assuming whatever they told her would be a lie.

Edwards was in the room, so was Dawn. Someone else was there, she could hear breathing, but whoever it was, wasn't talking.

"I thought she didn't know when her last period was," Dawn said. "How can you be sure…"

"Cervical mucus," Edwards interrupted to reply. "Plus her temperature is just slightly higher today than it has been for the last four. Her cycle was erratic before possibly because of stress and malnutrition, but it seems like things were better for her, at least briefly. Or it could just be the fact that it's harder to keep track of time now. Either way the symptoms are all I need. Her body fat is still lower than I'd recommend, but that's something we can correct over time."

Beth cracked her eyes open slightly. An officer stood close by. He wasn't one she'd seen yet. He saw her peeking but didn't react. "Licari, you can go now," Dawn said. With a nod, the officer walked away.

Edwards put his hand on Beth's forehead and used his thumb to open her eye. Beth flinched and jerked away. It was only then that she realized she was strapped down. Both wrists were secured to a band around her waist. Her ankles were locked in place. "What's goin' on?"

"Remember I told you that everyone has to do their part here?" Dawn asked. Beth nodded. "Unfortunately you aren't all that much good to us. You're fragile and weak. That scar on your wrist tells me that you're willing to give up when things get tough. That's pathetic. But you are young and healthy. Physically strong. So you do have some use to me. I want a baby. I always have. I'm supposed to be a mother. When the world ended, I was pregnant with my baby girl. But things went bad and I lost her. Edwards saved me, but it cost me the ability to ever have my baby. So you are going to have her. My sweet perfect little girl with long dark hair and blue eyes like him."

Beth couldn't stop the tears that overflowed her eyes. Terror sent shivers through her core. Dawn wiped the tear from her cheek. "Don't look so scared. It's a quick medical procedure today, then you incubate my daughter for nine months. That's all you are, Beth. An incubator. You are growing my daughter for me. In exchange, you have a safe place, food to eat, water to drink and bathe in. Anything you need or want, within reason of course." Dawn smiled, "Not such a bad trade, now is it?"

Beth didn't respond, but Dawn didn't seem to expect her to.

"Let's get started," Dawn ordered.

Edwards silently unstrapped Beth's leg, holding her ankle tightly giving her no option to kick. He bent her knee, forcing her leg back to re-secure her ankle up to the bed side rail. Then he went around the bed to do the same to the other side. She realized all she was wearing was a hospital gown that Edwards shoved up over her hips, leaving her exposed and vulnerable. He released a lever at the foot of the bed and the bottom of the bed dropped away.

Beth looked away, turning her head to stare at the window. From this angle she couldn't see anything but sky. She twisted her wrists in the straps, but realized immediately that there was no way to fight her way free. This was going to happen. This was the bad thing that was going to happen.

"Huh," Edwards let out a sound.

"What?" Dawn asked.

"She's a virgin," he replied as he picked up an instrument from the tray.

Beth felt a sudden, sharp pain deep inside. She'd refused Jimmy. Refused Zach. Held on to this one last thing. The one last part of herself from before. No man had even put his hands on her there. And now it was gone with one slice from a scalpel. Blood trickled out of her. Something in her broke and she slipped away.

She was standing in the prison yard. It was bitter cold again. An icy wind cut through the thin hospital gown, slicing through the open back. Her stomach cramped and she doubled over. She curled down on the freezing concrete, stooped on the balls of her feet, and wrapped her arms around her knees. A sob ripped through her as the sound of instruments clattering on the tray echoed around her. Footsteps approached, but she didn't look up.

Merle stopped in front of her. He wasn't sure what to do for her. He wasn't one for comforting. Then she shivered. He moved behind her and stooped down to wrap himself around her.

Beth gasped at the sudden contact. Merle's denim clad legs scraped against her thighs, his arms wrapped around her, pulling her into his lap. His t-shirt felt soft against her back. The warmth was instantaneous.

"Just hold on, darlin', hold on," Merle urged. Beth gripped his arms tight. "I tried. I swear I tried to keep this from happenin'."

"I know," she whispered.

"They're gonna pay for this. For every drop of blood you spill they will repay ten times over."

"Is Daryl still OK?"

"Yeah," Merle rubbed his chin on her hair. "He's fine. I tried to get him back here, but…" he sighed. His voice became a growl in her ear, "He will come for you. If I have to tear apart heaven and hell with my own two hands, he will come for you. I swear it."

The sound of an instrument clattering in a metal tray echoed through the empty yard. Merle covered her ear with one hand, tucking her head into his other arm. "Hold on. Almost done. Hold on." Beth gasped a sob and Merle rocked gently.

"What's wrong with her?" a muffled female voice asked.

"She's disassociated," Edwards' voice replied. "It's her way of dealing with the rape."

A fierce sharp pain slashed through her deep inside, ripping Beth away from Merle's embrace and slamming her back into the hospital bed. Beth cried out. A female cop winced and stroked her hair gently. Edwards was leaning to one side, cradling his face as Dawn glowered at him.

"It isn't rape, it is a medical procedure," Dawn snarled.

"Sorry, my mistake," Edwards replied.

"What did you do?"

Beth felt blood, hot and sticky flowing out of her. Something inside burned.

"You hit me," he whined. Then straightened under her glare, "It's a minor wound. It'll heal, like the rest of the damage from this… medical procedure," Edwards explained as he wiped her clean.

The female officer with the name plate Shepherd gave her a regretful look as she walked away. Edwards moved the bed back into place, then gently stretched out her legs to the bottom straps. He pulled the gown back down and covered her with a blanket.

"We'll repeat the procedure tomorrow and the next day, but then we should save the semen until next month before we try again," Edwards said to Dawn. "We shouldn't sedate her anymore. Just in case."

"She's not going to fight us," Dawn replied. "She knows there's no way for her to survive without us. She's too weak."

Beth closed her eyes.

*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*

Two weeks passed. Beth was released from the bed after the third and final 'procedure' but restricted to her room and bathroom. Meals were brought in to her, along with an offer of snacks, but she had no appetite. All she did was sit and stare out the window overlooking the city.

Sleep was the only sanctuary.

"Maybe I could make a run for it," Beth said.

"No darlin'," Merle replied. "City is overrun. Whole damn area around that hospital is crawlin' with walkers. Even with me helpin' you wouldn't get far."

"How's Daryl?"

"He's good. Caught up to Carol now. Tried to get the baby to tell him where you are."

"Judith doesn't talk yet."

"I know. Wonder if she'll still see me when she can."

The little angel never had much to say. He would just cuddle with her, tucking his head under her chin as his wings sheltered her with warmth.

"Am I going crazy? This feels real, but the hospital feels like a dream. A nightmare."

"No darlin', you ain't crazy."

Beth smiled, "Of course if I am, then you are just part of my mind, which would tell me what I needed to hear."

Merle shook his head, "Of everyone you lost, ain't no way your mind would pick me to visit."

"True, I guess. You weren't so bad. Just scary."

"Good. Spent my life cultivatin' the image of a bad ass, no good, son of a bitch."

"Why are you here?"

"I didn't go in. Guess the others did."

*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*

Edwards folded Beth's arm back over the gauze after drawing a vial of blood. He didn't speak to her, but he never did, beyond the occasional instruction. He barely even looked at her.

Dawn walked in as Edwards walked out. She had a plate of food in one hand, a little boy in the other. Beth hadn't seen him before. A little dark skinned boy about four or five years old.

"Beth, this is Jeffrey. Jeffrey, say hi to Miss Beth."

"Hi," the little boy said shyly.

"Hello."

Dawn sat the plate down in front of Beth. Beth turned away from it. Dawn clenched her jaw. Beth saw Amanda Shepherd hovering in the doorway. "Jeffrey was found about a week before you were rescued," Dawn advised. "He's a good boy. Does what he's told. Aren't you Jeffrey?" Dawn smiled at the boy. The boy ducked his head. Beth understood. The smile was neither warm nor comforting coming from the woman. "I'll bet he's hungry. He hasn't had his lunch yet. Are you hungry?" Jeffrey nodded. "I'm sure. Growing boy like this needs to eat. So we'll get him lunch… just as soon as you eat yours, Beth."

Beth stared at her. "What?"

"You eat your lunch, then Jeffrey can have his. If you don't eat, he doesn't eat. From now on, that's how it's going to be. He only eats if you do."

Beth shuddered. She saw the determination in Dawn's face. She picked up the fork and took a bite of mushy lima beans. It took a lot to swallow them passed the lump in her throat. She took a forkful of rehydrated potatoes and forced them down. Finally the meat.

Dawn smiled coldly, "Good girl. Jeffrey, go with Amanda to get your lunch." Jeffrey fled the room. Amanda scooped him up and disappeared. "You understand that you are only valuable to me so long as you are healthy. If you refuse to eat, you'll get sick. If you get sick, you're worthless. Less than worthless as you'd be just a burden. You've been a burden your whole life, haven't you. On your parents, older brother and sister. That guy you were with. The one who died because of you. Someone they had to protect every minute. Someone to carry on their back. Take another bite. Now."

Beth forced another bite of beans into her mouth. She swallowed, but instantly regret it. Her stomach churned. She pushed away from the table and darted to the bathroom, dropping to her knees in front of the toilet just in time. Dawn was there instantly, pulling her hair back and rubbing her back, "Oh sweetheart, you should have told me you felt sick. I NEED EDWARDS IN HERE!"

Licari came in a moment later with the doctor. Edwards peeked over Beth's head into the toilet. Dawn looked up at him in bright anticipation. Edwards shrugged as he flushed the toilet, "It's a little early for morning sickness but anything is possible. We'll switch her to a BRAT diet for a few days, use an IV to keep her hydrated if we have to. If it continues we can medicate, but I'd like to avoid that if possible."

"Morning sickness," Dawn's chin quivered. "Are you sure?" her voice went high with excitement.

Edwards nodded, "I ran the test three times to be sure. Congratulations Mom."

Dawn threw her arms around Edwards. "Oh God, thank you! Oh she's going to be beautiful. I can't wait to meet her! My daughter." She walked out of the bathroom without a second look at Beth huddled on the floor. "Come on, Edwards, let's go figure out my baby girl's due date."

Licari ran cool water on a washcloth and stooped down to wipe Beth's face. "I'm sorry, kid. Truly." Beth didn't look at him. Sorry or not, he still let this happen. "You finished in here?" Beth nodded. "Let's get you off this cold floor." The muscular cop easily lifted her and carried her over to the bed. He covered her gently, then laid the cool cloth over her neck. He took the plate of food with him when he left.

Beth closed her eyes. She knew. As sure as she knew anything at all. She knew. It wasn't Dawn's daughter growing inside her. Not a little girl with dark hair. That sweet little boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. With her Momma's chin, just like her own. With the smile she knew but couldn't place. Not Dawn's child at all. Hers. Her angel was coming to her. She would be strong for him. She would eat, and drink, and do whatever it took to survive this hell, to give her angel a chance to be born. And Daryl would come. Merle would see to it. She didn't know much about Merle, beyond his attachment to Daryl, but she felt like he was a man who didn't promise things he didn't intend to deliver.

Maybe it was just a dream. Merle. Her angel. But something inside told her it was something more, and she was going to hold on to that thought. That hope.

A fierce strength began to grow inside of her alongside her baby.

*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*

Weeks passed as her days fell into routine. She woke early in the quiet of the early morning. At least one morning out of three, her first activity was on her knees in front of the toilet. She would wash up and dress, then sit in the window watching the sun fill the streets of the city. The walkers moved in swarms around the buildings, following each other in endless cycles. She began to pick out specific ones by their clothing and track their movements through the chaos. Breakfast was around 8 every morning and it, like everything she ate, was her choice from the supplies. She felt the eyes of everyone, ward and cop alike when making her selection. Everyone else ate what they were given, but she was allowed whatever she wanted and as much as she could eat. It bothered her to take from them, but nourishment went to the baby so she took. Every day, unless it was pouring rain, she went to the rooftop gardens with Jeffrey.

Amanda Shepherd and Chris Licari found him in a store where his mother had hid him before succumbing to a walker bite. Jeffrey had bonded with Amanda immediately but had also warmed to Beth. Through him, Beth and Amanda connected though Beth refused to let anyone too close.

Beth would rest before lunch, then again in the afternoon. After the worst time of her day. Every day, every single day, someone would come and get her. Once a week it was for an appointment with Edwards. She would be weighed and measured, then asked about symptoms.

Those days weren't so bad. Cold. Clinical. But ultimately endurable.

It was the other days that tormented her. The days with Dawn in her office. They exhausted her as they infuriated her.

"She is not your baby. Say it."

"She is not my baby."

"You are just an incubator. Say it."

"I am just an incubator."

Phrases repeated over and over, day after day. Followed by an hour or so of Dawn showing off her latest baby find, like an adorable dress or tiny little socks. Or Dawn describing things she was going to do with her daughter. Or what she was going to be like.

"She is going to love bossing the men around. I can just see her, shaking her finger at Gorman and ordering him to shine his shoes!"

She listened as Dawn described the fantasy of her child as Beth fought the instinct to cover her belly and her baby with her hands. Calling herself an incubator or a surrogate, and hoping her angel wasn't able to hear her.

Alongside the strength that grew, was a vine of hatred.

So after those visits, she would retreat to her room and her bed, to sleep. She still craved sleep, even as she moved through the first trimester. Sleep was refuge, and time spent with Merle and her angel. He didn't come every time she slept, but most times did. He gave her regular reports on Daryl, Judith, and the others. Merle told her that Daryl and Carol had reconnected with the surviving members of the group. Fighting a battle against another group doing harm to others. Her angel was always there, quiet and sweet.

"Group of 'um lurin' people into a trap, then grillin' them and eatin' them," Merle said. "Never thought about human meat, wonder what it tastes like? Maybe the walkers are on to somethin'."

"Ugh, Merle, I just stopped throwing up regularly, can you not?"

Merle snickered at her.

Then a few days later, he told her difficult news, "Maggie done left Georgia."

"What? Why?"

"Some guy, lyin' his ass off, convinced them that Washington DC is the new Disney World, happiest place on Earth. Daryl got pissed, said they couldn't leave without yah, but Maggie…"

"She thinks I'm dead."

"Yeah, darlin'," Merle replied. "She got no idea how strong you are. Can't wait to see the look on her face. Daryl ain't givin' up though, not for a second. He n' Carol left the group, goin' back to searchin' for yah. I'm'a gonna keep tellin' him. If I pop out, it's 'cause he's sleepin', OK?"

"Yeah. Maybe you could try telling Carol."

"Tried. Can't talk to no one but you 'n Daryl. And Judith. Rick, Michonne, Carl, and some girl named Mika got Judith at the funeral home waitin' on them. They didn't leave you neither."

"Just Maggie."

"Yeah."

Merle's visits became more sporadic then, as he tried to keep an eye on Daryl, Judith, and her. Often Beth would feel like he was close as she ate, or sat on the roof weeding or playing with Jeffrey. It was a strange yet comforting sensation of being watched. Sometimes she was sure he was standing right beside her, even touching her arm or her hair. The worry that she was going insane continued. Then she would dream and he would be there.

"I still feel like I'm going crazy"

"You ain't," Merle replied.

"So you say."

Merle cocked his head, "Tomorrow when you come back from outside, find a reason to go in the bathroom next to the stairs. Look behind the toilet. Asshole that took my brother's things when he came in dropped somethin' when he went in to piss. Been there ever since."

The next day, feeling more insane than ever, Beth waited until they descended the stairs to their floor. Once through the door, she suddenly pressed a hand to her stomach and another over her mouth. Officer Lamson, her escort, shoved her gently into the bathroom and closed the door. She knelt down, feeling stupid, but there on the floor behind the pipes, sat a multi-function pocket knife. It was one Merle had carried because it had a can opener, and scissors to cut the duct tape he used on his arm prosthetic. Black with a silver skull and crossbones. After Merle died, Daryl took it and never was without it. Beth picked it up tentatively, almost expecting it to disappear before she could touch it.

It was there, in her hand. A small, tangible object that absolutely proved to her that Daryl had been in the hospital. Yes, one of the cops could have stripped his body afterward, but the fact that it was here, in a room she'd never set foot in, exactly where Merle had said it was, convinced her that it was all true. Daryl had been brought in when she had. He escaped not knowing she was there, probably determined to get back to where he'd last seen her. He had not died. She shoved the knife down into her panties to hide it.

But it also meant the rest of it was true. She was trapped in this hospital. She'd been medically raped by the doctor, and conceived a child. If she didn't find a way out, she would deliver her baby here, and be forced to hand it over. Her baby. Her child would be subjected to the terror of Dawn. If he survived long enough. What would happen when Dawn realized the child was a boy, not her picture perfect little girl?

Beth leaned over and vomited into the toilet.

*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*

Amanda gently helped her into bed. "OK, kiddo, just rest now."

"What happened?" Dawn demanded as she stormed in.

"Just got sick is all," Amanda replied as she tucked the blanket around Beth.

Dawn scowled, "You need to stop doing that Beth!"

Amanda rolled her eyes as she followed Dawn out, "I really don't think she does it on purpose Dawn. She was at the foot of the stairs, maybe she smelled the elevator shaft. Makes me queasy even on a good day."

Beth waited until their voices faded down the hallway, then tossed the blanket aside and got up. She needed to find a place to hide the knife. Her room was cleaned every few days, the bathroom scoured from top to bottom, sheets changed, everything swept and mopped. If one of the other prisoners found it, they'd either turn her in, or keep it.

'Cabinet'

The idea popped into her head, or came as a voice in her ear. Beth turned around and looked at the cheap plywood wardrobe in the corner. She walked over and opened it. The scrubs Dawn issued her were hung in a neat row next to piles of underwear and non-slip socks. Her dirty laundry was dumped in a basket on the floor.

'Floor'

Beth knelt down and pulled the basket out. The bottom of the cabinet was made of the same plywood, but Beth instantly saw a notch cut in one corner. She pulled it loose and saw the floor just sat in place, covering slats bolted to the floor. The space was dusty with a few cobwebs, obviously hadn't been open in a long time. Beth put the knife inside and replaced the panel. She slid the laundry back in and went back to bed, falling asleep as soon as she laid down.

"Good girl," Merle grinned as soon as she saw him.

Beth didn't smile back, "It's all real. You. My angel. The hospital. Them."

"Yeah, darlin'," Merle grasped her arms firmly. "It's real. It's all happenin'. I'm sorry."

Beth nodded, "But that means the rest is true too. Daryl is OK, out there somewhere. So's Judith. Maggie. The others."

Her angel wrapped his arms around her thigh, "Judy was my friend before. She's gonna be my friend again."

Beth rubbed the top of his head. He grinned up at her.

*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*

A week later, Beth sat on the roof of the hospital. Jeffrey was running off energy, darting around with his arms out making engine noises.

"I wonder how long he'll remember what planes sounded like," Amanda said as she walked over and sat down.

Beth nodded with a sigh, "Planes. Computers or telephones. Grocery stores and department stores that sell everything you can think of. All the things we took for granted would always be there, just because they always were." Things she had considered as Judith grew. Even simple things like sitting in a high chair eating bananas and Cheerios were unlikely.

"You're sad today," Amanda said.

Beth shrugged. Her dreams for days had been lonely. Neither Merle nor her angel were there. She didn't know what it meant but it scared her. Merle had never missed more than a day and her angel had never not been there. Her last appointment with Edwards had been fine, he said the baby was growing perfectly on schedule, three and a half months since the rape meant she was four months pregnant. A little over fourteen weeks since that wonderful night in the funeral home. Probably closer to fifteen though she wasn't sure exactly how many days she was asleep before they woke her up. Seventeen weeks pregnant. Out of the first trimester. Where before she had just looked like she'd put on a few pounds, thickening a little around the middle, her stomach had finally poked out into a hard, round bump that Dawn couldn't keep her hands off of.

"Beth, I need to tell you something and you need to keep calm. You can't react and you certainly can never tell anyone I told you. Don't look at me," Amanda hissed. "Keep watching Jeffy." Beth turned her attention back to the boy, now being flown in circles by Bob Lamson as Chris Licari watched laughing. "Daryl is alive. Or at least he made it out of here alive." Beth gasped. "Dawn had you both brought in, then kept you hidden until he escaped so he would leave without you. She let him escape once she had what she needed. She hurt him. Like she hurt you. Took from him to put in you." Beth didn't understand until Amanda gently pressed her hand to Beth's belly. "Took from him to make this with you."

Her vision didn't fade away, it blinked out instantly like a light turned off. She felt herself falling, then caught in a familiar warm embrace.

"Whoa, there, Songbird," Merle soothed.

Beth turned in his arms to cling to him, "Where have you been?" she sobbed.

"Shh, everythin's OK," Merle replied.

"Where's…" Beth turned as her angel leapt into her arms. "Where have you been?" she repeated.

"Daryl was wanderin'. Searchin' by his lonesome. He got sick. He's OK," Merle was quick to tell her. "But it took me a couple days to lead him back to the others. Then I stuck around to be sure he was OK. Rick and the boy, Carl, went to the prison for meds and got him fixed up good."

"I met him," her angel piped up with the grin she finally realized why was so familiar.

"You met your dad?" she smiled at him.

"Figured it out, did yah," Merle grinned. Daryl's grin. Their baby's grin. Now as she looked, she picked out more and more features. Her angel had her coloring, her long fingers, her eyes. Daryl's nose and mouth.

"Amanda told me," Beth replied. "Then I think I fainted."

"You did."

A soft throbbing beat filled the air around them. "What's that?"

"Yah scared them," Merle replied. "Enough to crank up the machines to take a look at yah. Sonogram."

Beth sighed, "She probably won't let me see."

"Probably not," Merle shrugged. He closed his eyes.

In front of her, a large screen appeared, filled with the unmistakable image of a fetus. Beth gasped as she studied the form. Her angel held up his arms and she lifted him to her hip. "Is that me?"

"Yes, that's you," Beth replied. "You're beautiful."

"I look funny."

"That's because you're still growing in my tummy. But there's your head and your arms. There's your heart."

"I could make a rude comment about another part of his anatomy here," Merle smirked.

"Please, don't."

"OK Songbird, since you said please."

Beth awoke with a gasp. She was laying on an exam bed, with her shirt shoved up exposing her stomach as Edwards scanned her. "Everything looks fine," he reported to Dawn who was staring at the screen intently. The screen that as Beth suspected was turned out of her sight.

"Oh she's perfect," Dawn said with a catch in her voice.

Edwards stilled, his eyes locked onto something on the screen, then with a glance at Dawn he continued, "Size is right on target, everything looks like it's forming correctly." He pushed a button and a printer began to hum.

"Well of course she is!" Dawn laughed. She realized Beth was awake. "What happened up on the roof? Did someone do something? Or say something that upset you?"

"No," Beth replied. "I… think the wind shifted and I smelled something."

Dawn scoffed, "You should be used to the smell of rotters by now."

"No, this was burnt."

Edwards wiped her skin clean and pulled her shirt back down, "They firebombed the city to attempt to contain the outbreak. Incinerated a lot."

Beth cringed, "Oh."

Dawn caught Beth looking at the picture in her hand. Dawn tucked the image into her shirt. "She is not your baby. You are my surrogate. Don't you forget it for a second."

Beth forced a smile, "Of course, Dawn. I'm just glad you got to see your baby finally." Months after Beth had met him, and minutes after Beth had seen the image for herself. The smile became genuine. "I'm surprised you waited so long to see her. I thought sonograms were done earlier actually."

Dawn glared at Edwards, "Really?"

"I'm not an obstetrician," Edwards whined.

"Well you are now," Dawn snapped as she strode away.

Edwards helped Beth slide to the floor. "I'm sorry I couldn't let you see…" he broke off as Beth glared at him, even more fiercely than Dawn had.

"That's what you're sorry for? You weak, pathetic asshole."

Beth stormed out of the exam room, nearly running into Gorman who was waiting in the hall. Of all the cops, Gorman and O'Malley scared her the most. O'Malley was just a bully. But Gorman looked at her like he was a hungry wolf stalking a deer. It had only gotten worse since Joan committed suicide the week before.

'Careful, darlin'

"I got a treat for you," Gorman teased as he twisted a lollipop in his mouth. "Round and hard and oh so delicious." He followed her down the hall. "Don't you want it?"

"I don't think Dawn would approve of me havin' candy." Beth stopped when Gorman moved in front of her.

"Probably not, but Dawn took off out of here with O'Malley. Seems she just realized that she needs a baby book. So we've got an hour or more." He took the lollipop out of his mouth and offered it to her. "You know you want it."

"No," Beth shook her head and started to walk away.

Gorman grabbed her arm and shoved her into the closest room, which turned out to be an office. He pushed her inside, then closed the door. "Dawn's away. And you, my dear, are out of the first trimester which reduces the odds of a miscarriage. So you and I are going to come to an arrangement." He stalked her through the room. She went behind the desk, then as she moved one way, he did too, laughing as he taunted her. "You are going to do what I tell you to, or I will tell Dawn that you have been doing things to harm the baby. There's a stash of whiskey that has mysteriously vanished, narcotics too. If it suddenly turned up in your room, combined with my concerns over your behavior… my guess is you'd spend the rest of this pregnancy strapped into bed. Or you could just play nice with me."

Beth dodged around the desk again, but before she could run for the door, he was on her. She took in a breath to scream and he laughed, "Go ahead, scream. No one here gives a shit about you except Dawn." She struggled as he pushed her into the desk and turned her around. "Scream. Fight. It just gets me hotter. Joan got pathetic at the end, just laid there like she was already dead." He squeezed her breast through the thin cotton shirt. "Hmmm. You've filled out a bit."

'Here. Look here.'

Beth turned her head as he began to slobber on her neck. She could sense Merle in the room, stronger than ever. Probably because he was enraged. There, in a pencil cup, was a thin, silver letter opener. Beth didn't hesitate. She grabbed it and slammed it into the side of Gorman's throat. She dodged away, missing the spurt of blood that arched out. Gorman yanked the letter opener out with a scream of agony.

"You bitch!"

"Should've left it in, you're just going to bleed out faster," Beth replied calmly.

Gorman staggered forward, reaching for her. Beth avoided his grasp. He stumbled and fell to the floor, blood puddling, then smearing as he slid through it.

The door opened. Lamson took in the scene instantly, came in and closed the door firmly. "You OK kid?" he asked Beth. Beth nodded as he stooped down and yanked Gorman's gun from his holster.

"Bob," Gorman gasped, "Help."

"Shh, shh," Lamson soothed, "Just relax and go with it. That's what you told them, wasn't it? Just relax and go with it. She should've castrated you." He twisted a silencer onto the gun. "Cover your ears, kiddo." He waited until Beth pushed her fingers into her ears, then put the gun to Gorman's temple and pulled the trigger. The bullet tore through, slamming into the filing cabinet.

Lamson left Gorman's body and crossed to Beth, "Come on kiddo, let's get you back to your room."

Beth let him lead her out, "What are you going to do?"

Lamson shrugged, "Lie. Dawn already suspects Gorman is itching to go find a new bed warmer. This," he gestured at the office, "Never happened. Gorman took off. Go to your room." He watched her walk away. "Beth?" he caught up to her. "Amanda told Chris and me that she told you the truth. I know it doesn't mean much if anything, but I am sorry. We're going to fix this, somehow."

"You want to fix this? Find Daryl."

"I've been looking, but it's been over three months, I wouldn't know where to start."

Beth smiled, "Start at the beginning, then follow your instincts. You're a cop, I assume you have them."

*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*

Bob Lamson was tired. He and Chris Licari wrapped Gorman's body in plastic and toted him out to the cars. They deliberately picked his preferred car to load the body into the trunk. Licari went back inside after closing the gate behind Lamson. Bob drove a few miles away and hid the car in a building that partially collapsed after the firebombing. He draped a tarp over it, then covered the tarp with dirt and broken concrete. By the time he left, it looked like it had been there for weeks. He sprinted back to the hospital, dodging the dead, to find Licari and Shepherd had cleaned the office to its previously pristine condition. He showered and was dressed in a clean uniform by the time Dawn returned, excited to show off her pink baby book.

He finished out the day, waiting. Sure enough around dinner time, "Has anyone seen Gorman?" Dawn asked.

"No," Licari replied first, "Not since about noon, I think? Did he have a run today?"

"No," Dawn snapped, "And he's not answering his radio. That son of a bitch!"

Dawn stormed around for hours. Everyone else kept quiet and out of her way. Eventually she calmed, likely with help from chemistry from Edwards.

Lamson stopped in Beth's room, finding her sleeping peacefully, one hand resting on her stomach. He went to his own room. His son's photograph stared at him from his bedside table. Condemning him for letting it get this far. He stripped out of his uniform, unable to bear it on him anymore. He dropped into bed, and into the dream.

His son raced in front of him, laughing. Bob laughed too. Then he sensed the danger. "Bobby come back!" But his son just ran and laughed. He ran faster and faster, but couldn't catch him. Suddenly he found himself running through a cemetery. He stopped and looked around. A single flower lay on the top of a gravestone. He reached automatically for the gun on his hip, only to realize he wasn't armed.

A strange man sat on the steps of the funeral home.

Bob advanced slowly, "Hi. I'm looking for my son. Little boy about three? I've lost him."

The man shook his head, "He ain't here. He went inside."

"Inside? Inside there," Bob pointed.

"Nah. Inside Heaven. Kids almost always go right in," the man was sharpening a knife. "I seen it. What happened. You did all you could. You've run it over in your mind a thousand times, ain't nothin' you coulda done different. Them that's in charge decided it was time for him. They suck. But he's happy now. Safe and content. He's not hungry or scared or hurtin'. Not like Beth."

"Who are you?"

Merle chucked, "Guess I'm kinda her guardian angel."

"You don't look like much of an angel."

"Well from where I sit, you don't look like much of a cop. Least I ain't pretendin'. Gettin' up every day and puttin' on that uniform like it still means somethin'. Like you're still the hero. Lookin' the other way while your brothers attack and rape and kill." Merle advanced until he was toe to toe with Lamson.

"I want to fix this."

"Then go to the beginning and start." Merle held up the knife. In the sharp, bright blade, Lamson saw Bobby. His son was rolling around a floor surrounded by puppies, nipping and licking his face. Laughing uncontrollably. The image pulled back, showing the wider living room. His wife sat on a chair, watching their son play. His heaven, her heaven.

'Mommy, when's Daddy coming home?'

'Not for a while, Bobby, he's got people to protect still.'

Then the image pulled back to a farmhouse in the middle of a pecan grove. A map superimposed over the image, showing the house in relation to the funeral home.

"Bye Daddy, I love you," his son's voice echoed around him. "See you later, alligator!"

"After a while crocodile," Bob replied automatically.

He woke up, the sound of his son's giggle still in his ears. Parts of the dream were already fading, but the image of the map was crystal clear in his mind.

It was more than a week before he could head out with Amanda. Dawn kept them searching the city for Gorman for days before she gave up, assuming he'd run off and cursing his name. Bob didn't tell anyone about his true intentions, just told Amanda and Chris that he wanted to start searching for people to help them, rather than wards to serve Dawn.

They reached the funeral home just before nightfall, calling in to say they were camping for the night. Amanda said goodnight to Jeffrey who was being watched by Licari. They slept in shifts, keeping watch out the boarded windows of the dusty, abandoned house.

In the morning, they checked in again, then Bob drove. He didn't tell Amanda he was following directions from a dream. When the house appeared in front of them, he was astonished. He half expected that the place didn't really exist.

"What are you doing?" Amanda hissed as Bob parked alongside the house and got out. "Bob? BOB!"

The door opened and a kid emerged, wearing a Sheriff's hat. He was followed by two women and a man. The man carried a staff, both women had guns. Bob pulled his gun automatically to cover Amanda.

"Who are you?" the gray haired woman snapped.

"Look I know this sounds strange, but do you know a guy named Daryl?" Bob asked.

Amanda gasped as Daryl and another man stepped around the corner of the house. The other man dropped a deer, aiming his own gun at them. Amanda seemed to be in shock. She replaced her gun to her holster. The gray haired woman took advantage of his distraction to come at Bob and try to wrestle his gun away. It was automatic in him to fight, but after a second he relinquished the weapon to her.

"Look, I'm Bob Lamson, this is Amanda Shepherd," he greeted.

Amanda was still staring at Daryl who flinched back from her. Suddenly Amanda attacked. "You son of a bitch." She took Daryl to the ground and pressed her arm against his throat, "You left her! You just left her there! How could you! Did you even care what would happen?"

"Shepherd, stand down!" Lamson grabbed her arm and yanked her back. The man with Daryl grasped her other arm and together they dragged her away from Daryl. Daryl lay gasping for breath and coughing. The gray haired woman dropped down next to him as Bob snarled, "SHEPHERD! STAND DOWN THAT'S AN ORDER!"

Amanda collapsed back and they let her drop to sit in the dirt. "I'm sorry," tears flowed down her cheeks, "But how could you just leave her there?"

Daryl began to gasp for air, "Beth? Beth's at Grady?"

"Easy, easy," the gray haired woman demanded, "Breathe Daryl."

"You have Beth?" The other man snarled at Lamson. Lamson nodded. "Daryl you need to calm down brother." He pressed his hand to Daryl's chest, "Come on, brother, you gotta get your breath."

Lamson squatted down too, "He OK?"

"Does he look OK?"

"He's been sick, respiratory infection."

"Plus the shit he went through with you."

"Wasn't me," Lamson denied.

"No," Shepherd said, "Wasn't us. We just stood by and let it happen." She met Daryl's eyes, "You didn't know, did you? That she was there?" Daryl shook his head violently. "I told her you didn't know, but I never really believed it."

"Is she… OK?" Daryl asked between gulps of air.

Lamson sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, "She's alive."

"Someone's hurting her," Daryl said, he took a steady breath and pushed away from everyone to stand up.

Lamson looked from one of them to the other, "Look we came looking for you because we need your help. Things there are bad. Real bad. And Amanda's right, we just stood by and let them get bad. We want to stop it, to fix it, but we need help. We've been looking for weeks, then today I just knew how to find you, it was weird." He took a deep breath. "Beth is alive, and mostly OK. But…"

Shepherd faced them, "Dawn. Officer Dawn Lerner, she's in charge." At the sound of her name, a shudder ripped through Daryl. "She is a sadistic, nasty bitch who we never should've given an ounce of power to. She is using Beth. Forcing her to provide the one thing she wants more than anything. Using… what she took from you." Daryl flinched.

"What?" the man demanded. "What is she using Beth for? This thing she wants?"

Shepherd swallowed hard. "A baby."

*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*

They'd moved inside the house. Bob and Amanda were introduced to Rick, Carl, Carol, Michonne, Morgan, Mika, and baby Judith.

"What the hell do you mean a baby," Rick snarled.

"Dawn has been obsessed with the idea of having a child," Amanda explained. "She was pregnant when things started to go bad. She miscarried and ended up having to have a hysterectomy. Captain Hanson was actually the one who came up with the idea of using a surrogate. He had one of the men… Should the kids hear this?"

"Yes," Carol replied. "Mika has to know what's out there."

"I'm OK," Mika replied. "I know how babies get made. Usually."

Lamson nodded, "One of the men forced a woman, intending to get her pregnant, but that woman committed suicide soon after." He took a deep breath. "So the next time, she used a… donation from a different one of us to inseminate a ward."

"Ward?" Michonne asked.

"Prisoner," Amanda replied. "They're prisoners."

Bob nodded, "The prisoner got pregnant, but the cop regretted what happened. He eventually offered her an escape and she took it. They left about a year ago. Since then Dawn has been looking for the perfect pair of prisoners."

"And she found Daryl and Beth," Carol sighed.

"Beth got pregnant on the first round," Amanda reported.

Daryl had been silent until then, "It's mine."

"Yeah," Amanda replied. "Edwards kept accurate records, and yours was the only sample he used. Then Dawn let you escape. She knew you'd leave to search for Beth. When she woke Beth, she told her you were dead so she wouldn't leave to search for you. I don't think she ever believed it. I told her you left alive."

"I promised her we'd try to fix things, but like I said, we need help," Lamson repeated.

"Let us pack up our supplies," Rick said. "We'll be ready to leave in an hour."

"Beh!" Judith called out. "Beh. Beh. Beh!" then she laughed and made a face at empty air.

"Yeah Asskicker," Daryl said. "We're goin' to get Beth."

*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*