Part 39

Every inch of her aches, her whole body is on fire and is in excruciating pain. A constant reminder of all she has endured during the attack. She places her hand on her belly, causing tears to spring forth. Where was Fitz, was he here? She needed to see him. She needed to explain, she needed to apologise; because she should have listened to him, she should have never left the flat alone… What was she thinking? She had brought this all upon herself. Calling for a nurse, despite her need for drugs to dull the pain, she only asks for Fitz.

"Yes Miss Pope…?"

"Please don't, please… I need you to call me Olivia, just Olivia…" Just hearing the nurse call her "Miss Pope", she is immediately assailed with memories of that monster touching her, the feel of his heated breath on her ear and the back of her neck. She starts to shake. The nurse places her hand over hers, stilling her with a gentle squeeze… "It's okay, I can call you Olivia, that's fine sweetheart…" she assures her knowingly… "You're safe now… And yes, Mr Grant is outside, he's been waiting for you to wake up… He's very concerned about you… Although, I confess I have not been too forth coming with information; I wasn't sure if you would want him to know…"

"About the baby…?" She bites her lip, stopping it from trembling… Chocked up, and with dread weighing heavily in her heart she asks the nurse… "Am I… Am I still pregnant?"

Xxxx

He can't stop the tears from flowing, he wanted to remain strong for her, but as soon as he spots her on the bed, looking lost among monitors and tubes, it finishes him. Under Liv's direction, the nurse had briefly run through her catalogue of injuries, listing everything apart from the baby, and whether or not she was still pregnant. "Olivia wishes to tell you herself." The nurse explains.

"And what about the other…?" Fitz asks with trepidation, needing but yet not really wanting to know. Had she been as he feared; had Eli been too late, had Liv been raped? In direct response, the nurse informs him; "Olivia refuses to talk about it, and she refuses to be examined, so we can't say…"

This was going to be hard, they had been through so much already, but this; he honestly doesn't know if they are strong enough to weather the aftermath of this horrible ordeal, on top of everything else. Taking a deep breath, feeling totally unprepared for what lies ahead, he cautiously enters her room… hands shaking.

From the door she appears to be sleeping; so he approaches her bedside quietly. Suddenly feeling guilty, he wonders how long she's been waiting for him, whilst he's been stuck talking with the Police. "Liv…" he calls to her gently, not wishing to startle her… Her eyes slowly open up, one more so than the other, the swelling around her left eye preventing it from opening up fully. "Oh Liv…" His voice cracks, under the overwhelming emotions running through him. The stark lighting of the hospital room, highlighting every bruise on her once floorless skin… Making him wish that the bastard responsible for this wasn't dead, just so that he could exact his own personal vengeance upon them.

She offers him a brave smile… "Hi…"

"Hi…" He sniffs, gently cupping her face, and wiping her stray tears away with the pad of his thumb. "I'm so glad to see you… I don't know what I would have done if…"

"I held on for you…" She admits emotionally, taking his hand and resting it on her abdomen; tender and bruised, sore to touch, and yet, as if defying all the odds the place where their child still grows inside her, alive and unharmed… "And so did he…"

"He? You mean… You're still pregnant?"

"Yes, I'm still pregnant…"

"Oh God…" The wave of relief that hits him, is unreal… And he breaks down into floods of tears, resting his head on her stomach… Thanking the heavens above… somehow their precious little baby had managed to survive. She strokes his hair, as she whispers soothingly… "Every time he hit me, every fist, every kick… I refused to let him break me, break us…"

He kisses the back of her hand. "I love you so much, if only I had got to you sooner and stopped him from hurting you… stopped him striking you… stopped from touching you…"

"Fitz…"

"I know baby, I know…"

Her lip begins to quiver… "It was awful, when he touched me…I…" she trails off, struggling to get her words out; they seem to stick in the back of her throat…

He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to compose himself, before opening them again, and asking her the hardest thing he has every asked a woman, let alone the woman he loves. "Liv, I need to ask… did he, did they... force themselves on you?"

Unguarded their eyes meet, and he looks at her so intently, it's as if he was searching her soul for the answers himself, not wanting her to face the painful reality of having to say yes…

Only, she doesn't have to…

"No…" She tells him instead… "He got close to, but he didn't…"

"What…?" He stammers, unable to believe his ears… needing her to say it again, to confirm it once more…

She gives him a wan smile. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel violated, because I do… he did… and in ways I wish I could forget…" she recalls truthfully, agonizingly too… "But not in the way that matters the most… He didn't get the chance to… My Dad saw to that…" The image of that monster's head being blown off, albeit almost gratifying, equally it was an image that would no doubt haunt her for the rest of her days. She had never seen a man killed before, not until that moment. And she knows she will never be able to forget it either.

"Liv, I don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to say anything, I just need you to hold me…"

"Liv are you sure…?" She looks so fragile, he's scared to even touch her; afraid he'll end up hurting her by doing so…

"Please Fitz, just hold me…" she implores.

How could he refuse? And so he does as she beseeches, climbing into the bed beside her and envelopes her in his arms. She rests her head against his chest, breathing in his familiar scent, relishing in the safety and warmth his body provides… and the steady strum of his heart, somehow anchoring her to him making it safe enough for her to finally let go, and fall apart…

They had been so close to losing everything.

"I'm so sorry…" she whispers, just as her bravado starts to crumble and shatter into a million tiny pieces.

But he's got her. He won't let her fall too far, and with great tenderness and care, he gently rocks her against him, providing her with all the comfort and reassurance she would ever need in that moment.

"Ssssh, don't do that, don't you dare blame yourself, this is not your fault, do you hear me baby?" He tells her powerfully… "This is not your fault!"