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Part 46

Liv awakes to find that Fitz is no longer there. Deciding to remain calm, she waits to see if he will show up; maybe he's gone for a coffee or something? But when half an hour passes, she soon realises that he's not coming back, and now worried, she rings for assistance. Nurse Griffin enters the room shortly after… "Olivia, are you okay?"

"Fitz, do you know where he is? He was here when I fell asleep, but now?"

Quick to soothe her concerns, Nurse Griffin replies… "It's okay, here, read this…" She retrieves his note from the night stand and hands it to Liv. "When I came to take your obs earlier, I found it on the floor… You must have knocked it off the bed in your sleep?"

Liv carefully unfolds the note and reads it, whilst Nurse Griffin watches on, glad to see the tension in Liv's body disappear, however it is quickly replaced with an air of melancholy… Liv explains, "Mellie's going to be arrested, so he's gone to get his kids…"

Nurse Griffin nods knowingly, having read the letter herself, albeit unintentionally. "See, nothing to worry about, he's fine."

"Is he?" Liv questions pensively… "How do you even begin to explain to your children that they may not see their mother again? I know how it feels to lose a parent as a child, and it's awful; and as bad as Mellie is, she is still their mother; she is all those children know…" She tears up… "It is going to crush them."

"Oh Olivia… please, please don't cry…" Nurse Griffin hands her a tissue… which Liv takes from her gratefully… "Thanks," she sniffs, "I'm sorry… I don't know what's come over me?"

"A hell of a lot to digest, I suspect," she replies in understanding, "And I know it's easier said than done, what with all the distraction around you, but Olivia you've got to remember that your primary focus right now should- actually scratch that- MUST be to rest and heal; and in order for you to do that you cannot allow yourself to get too worked up and stressed out. It's not good for you or the baby…"

"I know, I know…"

"From what I've seen, Fitz is a kind and loving man, and no doubt a brilliant father; and yes, it will be hard, but if you ask me those children couldn't be in safer hands… And don't forget, when you're well enough, those children will also have you to lean on too…"

"But they don't even know me, and when they do-they will probably grow up to resent me, and blame me for losing their mother…"

"How old are they?" Nurse Griffin enquires, trying to get a clearer perspective on the situation.

"Jerry he's 5, nearly 6… and Karen she's only 4…"

"So they are young; maybe too young to fully understand what is happening to their mother, and in that case, too young to hold a grudge, or show any sign of resentment towards you… Right now, confused and upset, the only thing those poor babies will be able to comprehend is that their mother is gone and that they miss her… Something, that you will have a personal insight into, and therefore probably more equipped than anyone else to help them come to terms with it."

Liv sighs, "Maybe you're right, but I'm scared, I'm scared of what lies ahead. So much has happened, and I'm finding it increasingly hard to wrap my head around it, whilst trying to be strong and brave at the same time… It's exhausting… I've got the baby to think about, Fitz, now Karen and Jerry… My father, who I'm not even allowed to see... Then Fitz's father… Mellie… the Police… and on top of all that, having to face the Press day in, day out- and I know there will be others out there too, people who won't take kindly to the idea of a black woman, sleeping with a married white man, make it worse, a man who was well respected and about to run for Governor. I will be the most hated woman alive, not only attributed by the colour of my skin, but for breaking up a family, that was once perfect in the world's eyes… I will have to spend the rest of my days looking over my shoulder… and the thought of that is what terrifies me most of all... Because now I know, from first-hand experience what it like to face a man, sent to hurt you, to kill you…" Her lip starts to tremble, as the memory of that night assails her… "I've never been more afraid in my life," she admits. "I was petrified; and in so much pain; at one point I almost wished for death to come, because the alternative, being subjected to even more violence… or worse being raped… that would have been a thousand times far worse than death."

"But yet you didn't give in, you fought against them Olivia…"

"I did, and I'm alive and so is my baby, and I am so grateful to be here… but what if something like that was to happen again? I can't… I can't go through that again… And all because I fell in love with the wrong man. How is that fair?"

"You're right, it's not fair, because there's no denying that what you and Fitz share is real… I witness it every time he's with you, even when you're apart… I remember when you were first rushed in here, he was going out of his mind at the thought of losing you... That man is so in love with you, it's unreal."

"I know, and I love him too, with every fibre of my being- but at what cost? My life, his, my baby's? When this first began, I had my doubts then too, but my love for him was so fierce, I was ready to throw caution to the wind, and follow my heart, where ever it will take me... And now?"

"What are you saying?"

She shrugs, struggling to verbalise her jumbled up thoughts and feelings. "I don't know... I don't want all this to be for nothing... And my love for him is a strong as it's ever been... But I don't know how much more I can take?"

"And have you told him this?"

"No,' she admits tearfully, "Because I don't want him to think I've given up on him..."

"And have you?"

"No, of course not, I'm just... I'm just..."

"Terrified...?" Nurse Griffin finishes off, "and that's perfectly normal, considering all that has happened, and Fitz will understand that too. " Nurse Griffin gives Liv's hand a gentle squeeze... "Remember there's nothing wrong with showing your vulnerability, especially in front of the man you love, otherwise who else can you truly be vulnerable with? Talk to him Olivia, tell him of your fears, and then let him help and support you through it, as you would for him. For now is a time for solidarity, not a time to fall apart."

Emotional and choked up, all Liv can manage is… "Thanks".

She needed to hear that.

Nurse Griffin gives her a warm smile. "Don't mention it sweetheart… Now close your eyes, and try and get some rest. He'll be here as soon as he can, I'm sure."

Xxxxx

With a heavy heart, Fitz's settles his cherubs into his mother's house… "Now, you will be good for Grandma, won't you?"

"Yes Daddy?" Both reply in unison, before Karen runs off to amuse herself with her grandmother's dolls. Karen's response to the news had been like water off a ducks back, totally ambivalent- although he chalks that down to her lack of understanding more than anything else, Jerry however was a different kettle of fish. He knew perfectly well what his father was saying, and he was struggling. "And you my little man, can you keep a special eye on your sister for me, make sure she doesn't get into anything she shouldn't…"

"Okay Daddy."

He ruffles his son's hair lovingly… "Thanks Champ, you are an amazing big brother… did you know that?"

"Yes, I know." He feigns a smiles, although it doesn't last long; suddenly struck with a thought, he quickly turns it back into a frown again, as he asks pressingly... "Daddy?"

"Yes son?"

"You know how you said mummy's gone away?"

"Yes my boy…"

"Then who will tuck us in and read us our bed time story? Will it be Rosa?"

"No son, it will be me."

"But you have important work to do at night." Jerry counters innocently.

Could he feel any guiltier? This was simply breaking his heart… "Now that mummy has gone, many things will have to change son, including my job… Which will mean bedtimes will be covered by me… Although, for the next few days, whilst daddy is sorting everything out… It might have to be Grandma?" He looks at him dead on, "Is that going to be okay with you son?"

"I suppose," he shrugs indifferently… "At least Grandma does the voices..."

"She's the best at voice, isn't she…?"

"Yes, she is… But, I still wish it was mummy."

"I know you do, I know you do…"

Curse you Mellie! Fitz thinks to himself. This was going to be harder than he ever thought imaginable. After another hug, Fitz gets up and heads to the door. "I'm going to talk with Grandma downstairs before I go, you got the fort Buddy?"

"Yes Daddy."

On the brink of falling apart, just about holding it together for the sake of his children, Fitz heads downstairs and into the parlour, where he finds his mother standing by the bar, holding out a tumbler filled with Scotch. "Here, drink this- And then, when you finish you can tell what the HELL is going on!"