Hi all, it's been forever, I'm so sorry- but I hope all of you are well, and for those who are still up for following, this is for you.
Part 48
4 days later
"What do you mean I can't see him, he's my father?!" She exclaims, becoming increasingly upset. Fitz lays his hand over hers, trying to calm her, but his efforts are futile.
Less than an hour ago, Nurse Griffin had announced the good news that Eli had awaken from surgery; calling out his daughter's name…
"I'm sorry ma'am, but your father will remain in our custody until he has been given a date for trial…"
She can't believe what she's hearing… After what those men put her through, and now this! This was grossly unfair... "Trial?! He's on trial for what exactly?" She's questions, beyond incensed.
"Your father has been charged with Manslaughter." The officer informs her stoically, at which point Fitz interjects. "But Officer, surely, he should face a lesser sentence? If Eli had not intervened when he had, those men would have raped and murdered Olivia."
"We appreciate that Sir, however despite the circumstances the law does not permit a man taking the law into his own hands…"
"Especially if he's a black man, right!?" Now it was Fitz's turn to lose his cool… "If Liv was white, and Eli too for that matter, this would be a totally different scenario, in fact you would have given him a pat on the back, for a job well done!"
"Sir, I'm not sure what you are trying to imply here, but…"
Fitz cuts him off unceremoniously… "Oh, I'm sure you know exactly what I'm trying to imply… in the eyes of the law, its one rule for whites and another for blacks… This country is a joke…"
"Fitz…" Liv calls to him weakly, immediately drawing his attention away from the officer. He turns and looks at her; in the midst of his tirade, he has failed to notice that her cheeks have taken of a deathly pallor…
Worried. "Liv… Liv, are you alright?"
Everything's suddenly a blur… feeling dizzy, she answers as best she can… "I… I don't know… I feel like I'm going to be sick…"
Fitz get the pail to her just in time.
xxxxxx
"Are you sure she's alright?"
"I'm fine, it's just morning sickness". Liv insists, her cheeks now fuller in colour, but Fitz is not convinced… "No, it's too much stress, being stuck here in this hospital, the police, now your dad, this has to stop!" He turns to Nurse Griffin… "Jess, I want to speak to her doctor, to see about getting Liv discharged, if it means me hiring a nurse to help out at home, then so be it… Hell, if I could, I'd hire you!"
"Thanks, and if I could I would…" she smiles graciously. "And with regards to Olivia, her injuries are definitely on the mend and the baby's vitals are stable, although she will need continued bed rest, but I can't see why the doctor would say no… I'll go and find out for you."
Liv however is not happy, and waits until Jess leaves before opposing the idea completely… "Who said I was ready to leave the hospital?"
"Liv?" He looks at her incredulously, "Why would you want to stay, wouldn't you prefer to be at home?"
"Home, as in DC or do you mean Vermont?"
"Vermont, of course- The house is ready for us to move in, plus it will be a welcomed break from the constant intrusion of the press. Trust me Liv, a little peace of mind is what we need right now… and more importantly some time to ourselves…"
"And where do Karen and Little Jerry fit into all this?"
"Mum said she's happy to have them until we've settled in…"
"It's seems you have it all planned out…" Her tone is deliberately curt, something is up with her; he is certain of it; she's been like this for days now, moody, withdrawn and closed off…
"Liv, what's going on?"
"Oh I don't know, maybe it's the fact that my father is lying awake in pain and alone, whilst being persecuted for saving my life… and yet there is nothing I can do about it!"
"Liv, I know this hard for you."
She shakes her head… "No Fitz, you don't' know how hard it is for me, you don't know what it's like to be beaten to an inch of your life, or what it's like to be degraded and violated to the point that death once seemed a welcomed escape… And you do not know what it's like to have your face printed in every newspaper, and being labelled a home-wrecking whore, a black whore to be precise- hated and cursed throughout America, and all because I dared to follow my heart… But worst of all, it's having to deal with this overwhelming guilt that I can't seem to shift or ignore…" she weeps brokenly.
Guilt... He disagrees entirely, despite the fact that they had an affair, Liv did not deserve any of this… "Liv, you need to stop blaming yourself…"
"But I must- If I didn't leave that apartment, those men wouldn't have got the chance to get their hands on me, jeopardising not only my life but our baby's too- and just the thought of Karen and Jerry, knowing that if I weren't for me coming in-between you and Mellie, they would still have a mother… And I can't help but count myself responsible for that… because no matter how you look at it, I'm the one at fault."
"Liv, please stop this- those men were predators, cold blooded murders that were ordered to hurt you- they were simply waiting for an opportunity to strike- whether it happened that night, or another, they were not going to stop until they did what they were paid to do. And as for Mellie, you cannot, in fact, I WILL NOT allow you to blame yourself for her actions- because she made the decision to scheme and plot with my father, and now she is paying the price for her wrong doings!"
"And what about ours?"
"Liv…"
"You broke your wedding vows, I knowingly slept with a married man, rightly or wrongly, Mellie's actions were in direct retaliation to what we did... And I can't help but think that maybe we went too far… We've ruined so many lives, by being selfish and trying to make our relationship succeed… And in the meantime, it's our loved ones that have paid the ultimate price for us trying to be together."
"We always knew what was at stake Liv…"
"But did we really? My father almost paid with his life, he still might… I've been waiting on tenterhooks for days now, not knowing if he will survive the surgery or not- and now that he's finally awake I can't even see him! It's not fair, he's sacrificed everything for me and I can't even thank him for saving my life and our unborn child;s. And to think he doesn't even know that he has a grandchild on the way, and yet under the circumstances I don't even know if I can tell him…" She shakes her head in dismay, before taking on a harder resolve… "I'm not going to Vermont Fitz- not yet. I can't go there in an attempt to move on and forget, and play happily families when the only family I have left here, has been left behind to rot in jail, or worse, face the death penalty at the hands of an all-white jury."
"Liv, as you said so yourself, the police will not let you see him, let alone help him."
"Then, it looks as though I'm not leaving, so whether I stay in hospital for longer, or stay in Washington DC, I'm not leaving until I can see my father and talk to him, and make sure he's going to be okay."
"Liv be reasonable, it's not safe for you to stay here… "
"This is my father we are talking about, so I am being reasonable."
"No Liv, you're not!" He pauses, trying to compose himself, the last thing he wants to do is argue with her. He just needed her to see sense. "Look, don't get me wrong, I owe your father everything, because if I weren't for him I would have lost you forever; which is something I can't even bring myself to comprehend. But let's not be so quick to forget that at one point, your father was willing to kill me, and without a second thought to our wishes and how we felt about each other… And you and I both know, that what those men did to you will only strengthen his resolve to keep you away from me…"
"Fitz, my father's lying in intensive care, he is hardly going to go after you now!"
"It doesn't matter, because he will not hesitate to place the blame onto my doorstep, and right now you're incredibly vulnerable; you might not be able to see it for yourself, but you will feel beholden to him, not only because he saved your life, but also because he's your father… All it will take is a few choice words from him; coupled with your guilt, and you'll be conforming to his every will… I mean, listen to you now, you've not even spoken to him yet you're talking as if you've given up already… Are you having doubts Liv, is that it? Because for the last few days it seems you've been intent in shutting me out…"
She remains silent, but the emotions displayed upon her face speaks volumes… She's can't deny it, she has been keeping him at arm's length, whilst she's tried and failed to sort her jumbled thoughts out.
"Be honest with me Liv, are you having second thoughts about us…"
"No… it's not that…"
"Then what is it? Why won't you let me in; why won't you let me help you?"
"Because you can't, because I don't even know how to help myself!" She exclaims... "Because the fear of the unknown threatens to consume me, it's as if it's suffocating me; making it hard to breathe… When I close my eyes at night, all I see is that man's face, I can feel his breath on my neck- his eyes, dark and foreboding, boring into my soul, and like hot iron pokers they brand and tarnish me; they pierce my skin… And leave a scar behind in their wake; a constant reminder that no matter where we go, there will always be people out there waiting for us to fail, wanting to do us harm and hurt us. And it terrifies me, because now we have children to think about; Karen, Jerry, our baby… How can we possibly keep them safe, when we can't even guarantee our own safety?"
It seems her fears run deeper than he could ever imagine, and it tears him apart seeing her like this, so afraid, so fragile- his once fearless beauty, a mere shell of who she once was… all because those men and his sorry excuse of a father had set out to brake her, and as much as wants to fix her, he wonders if their love will be strong enough to get them both through this, in one piece. He really hopes so.
"Liv, I want nothing more than to protect you and our family, but I can't do it here in DC… Huck has organised and supervised the installation of security in our home in Vermont…"
"Huck?" She interrupts, startled by Fitz's casual mentioning of his name… "You've heard from Huck, is he okay?" Liv had not heard any news since he went after Ballard. And for good reason too, because neither he nor Huck wish to implicate Liv any further. So in a hushed undertone, Fitz replies… "Yes, Huck is okay".
"And Ballard?" She asks, with a distinct quiver to her voice, for as much as Ballard had helped them by shedding light on to those behind her attack, equally he unnerved her, there was something very sinister about him.
Fitz presses a finger to her lip, silencing her as he looks around; he can't afford for the prying ears of the police outside her room to hear what he's about to reveal, so he closes in further as he whispers carefully, "Huck said it's been handled".
Shit, Liv knew what that meant. Ballard had been permanently erased. And honestly she doesn't even know if she should breathe a sigh of relief, or feel incredibly guilty. After all- if it weren't for him they would have never known that Big Jerry and Mellie was behind all this mess. Fitz's gently squeezes her hand, pulling her from her thoughts… because he knows what she's thinking, he can literally see the tiny cogs of regret turning in her head… "Don't- because I'm glad…" he admits, and with very little remorse, because now that Jerry and Mellie were in Jail, and Liv's attackers and Ballard were dead in the ground, it finally means that they are no longer in imminent danger.
"Like I said, all that matters now is my family's safety, and that is why we need to move to Vermont as a matter of urgency…" She's about to object, but he swiftly pre-empts her, as he adds knowingly… "I will do whatever I can to help your father, I'll get him the best defence attorney money can buy, whatever it may take to clear his name - and if possible, find a way for you to see him before we leave- because rest assure Olivia, unless you tell me it's over, or that you no longer love me, then WE WILL be leaving, as soon as you are discharged from the hospital we are heading to Vermont."
He stares at her intently, as he continues heavily, "I love you Liv with every fibre of my being; I've only ever wanted to make you happy… However, if being happy means giving up the fight and giving up on us… or if this situation has gone too far, and you just can't do this any more- then tell me now, and I will have no other choice but to let you go, if that's what you really want- But, if you can trust me with your heart, and your future hopes and desires, but more importantly, allow me to support and combat your fears, every last one of them- then I promise that as long as I'm alive and have breath in my body I will never let you down…"
The intensity swirling in his bluey grey eyes, mirrored by his heartfelt words completely engulfs her, and the feeling of which quickly resonates to her core… As it's a stark reminder of the very reason that she was here today, be it good or bad- Fitzgerald Grant loved her like no other man ever could, and for that reason alone she could never deny her heart. She loves him, and she will always love him. And as she moves her hand over her stomach, softly tracing the physical proof of their love, she realises that they had come too far to turn back, they can't give up now.
"So what do you say Liv? Are you still with me, or are you ready to throw in the towel?"
