Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews! They really inspire me to write new chapters.
Chapter 3: Beyond the Dark and Beneath the Cloak
He had failed today.
Failed.
His oath, his promise, his lily-flower.
(His because even if they were only friends he knew Lily more than James ever could)
He took pride in that but at the same time that twisted, hurt, broken piece of the heart he swore not to have, ached. For she had promised to be there, always.
And Severus, abused and broken as he was, believed her and she broke that promise, that oath (and doesn't that make them even? They've both broken oaths to each other now)
She had abandoned him and in doing so, in not listening to his explanations (because he, despite what he pretended, was a child. A bullied one at that, and the Marauders had worn his psyche down for years and the moment he fights back, lashes out at those who abused him, tortured him, he was cast aside, unwanted) hurt him beyond measure, beyond comprehension.
He loves her still but there is an emotion, dark and greasy, in his gut- unnamable even to him, that he feels every time he thinks about how she chose James Potter over him.
He doesn't hate James because he bullied him (he was too used to bullying for it to make that much of an impact anymore.) He hated James because he lived the life Severus should have, would have, had with Lily, if he hadn't had such a dark, messed-up life.
That is Snape's biggest secret. Not loving Lily, but hating her for choosing what was easy instead of him.
That is why he cannot forgive James Potter ('Lily,' his mind whispers. 'You mean Lily.') Not because of some relationship rejection (he could have forgiven that with time) but the fact that she abandoned him when she knew what his life was like and never looked back (never listened).
And despite this, despite that unnamable thing he now knew was hate, he still tried to protect his Lily-flower's child. And it is in that oath he failed.
He feels calm (broken) inside when he gets the news about Harry Potter in the Hospital Wing. Everyone else panics but not Snape because everyone knew Severus Snape cared nothing for Harry Potter.
But.
That boy is as alone as he was for all that he is surrounded by people.
Some dark, disgusting part of Snape is glad he is suffering like his father (mother) made him suffer.
There is no fixing what he has done. No way to turn back the clock. He wouldn't want to anyway. He has learned from his (Lily's) mistakes.
His cloak sweeps out behind him as stops by the hospital bed where the boy, pale (too pale) and thin (thin enough so he looked so heartbreakingly young), lays.
Those eyes, when he looks at them are not Lily's, for they see the darkness and hurt in Snape's eyes and they know in a way Snape would never wish upon anyone.
And Severus thinks back to when he was Sev. and the tinkling of laughter that eventually faded away and vowed (swore) that this boy would at least have him (as insignificant as it was).
He stared into those emerald orbs and said, "You'll be out of here soon." But Harry, like all lost boys, knew how to see what lay beneath the surface, to see the truth of things. And so he understood what Snape was really saying: Sorry, I'm Sorry. Let me help you. Please.
-Line Break-
It didn't solve everything immediately, not even close. Not after years of animosity and dislike between them. It didn't make them start getting along like best friends, or even friends in general.
But it was a start and they did try.
And months (years really) down the road they could go anywhere and still know that there was at least one person who cared about them, at least one person who would listen.
Severus Snape loved Lily; but not enough to forgive her.
He broke an oath and tried to fix it. Lily ran away (always ran away unless she had no other options)
