Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe!

Title: It's All That Puma's Fault

Summary: (Human AU) Amethyst is nine when she falls into the Puma Pit at her local zoo. She's fifteen when she runs away from home. She's eighteen when she meets Rose Quartz. She's twenty five when Rose dies and leaves them Steven. It's been six months since Garnet and Pearl have seen her.

Warnings: Cursing.

...

Lady of the Sky- It's hard to say, with Amethyst!

Pikminsanity- DRAGON CANE

TheGoddessOfInsanityAndAnime- Not an intentional one; I'm fairly young into reading the series. =)

Guest (September 14)- WHY

...

Amethyst is finally given a decent grasp of who her sister might have been through an older woman who shows up for one of the two group therapy sessions she goes to before quitting altogether.

Her name is Lapis, and she's raising a child with her roommate, a spazzy Vietnamese girl who makes sure to show her support by cheering for the older woman when she leaves every session. Amethyst finds herself highly enjoying Peridot's presence. She's fun to watch. Lapis feels the same, if her tired smile means anything.

She never calls Jasper by her name without a sour frown or bitter grin. Jasper, in turn, is brutish and prideful, with a need for therapy she refuses to indulge. An ex-infantry soldier, she apparently saw and did many things in her time that she's not exactly sprinting to discuss, and took it out on her significant other. Lapis quoted doing the same in return, and that they both needed a lot of help before they could hope to become decent friends again.

"On the other end of things, she was loyal to a fault and would willingly pitch herself into a fire if she felt it would make a difference." She concluded with a tight expression. "Part of me misses her. A lot."

Now, Amethyst had only met her sister twice. Both times had been rather blase; they'd gotten drinks, bullshited a bit, and she got set up with a really pretty lady before Jasper faded off into the night like a wanna-be Batman. Still, the reality check doesn't surprise her.

"You look like her." She'd patted her stomach jokingly, but it still fell flat. "Only nicer. Personality-wise, I mean. I think it must be the height."

Lapis' news neither hurts nor helps Amethyst through her newest low period. The world just feels lacking in color; bland and rough. It's been like this for awhile, of course, and it's not the first time she's felt that way, but now she has a bed she can sleep the days away in. Steven, who's glommed to her oddly fast for a baby who's never met her before, sometimes naps with her, safe and secure with his head using her boob as a pillow. To be fair, she has some damn soft boobs.

Now that she's back, Vidalia is called less and less often to play babysitter while the big girls do their jobs. Amethyst wants to finally finish high school and maybe get her Bachelor's one day, but that costs money, and she's already getting free room and food, so she couldn't imagine asking for help with that. Job options are limited, especially now.

"Baby chair, meet baby Steven." She carefully sets him up in what he must think is the best seat in the house, leaning on her cane for support. It's got a dragon head on top of it, which leaves indents in the palm of her hands, but it's a freaking dragon head. "Let's set you up with some baby food; the perfect trio just a'waitin' to be discovered."

She hobbles over to the cupboards. She hears cat nails clicking daintily on the wood floors as she scours the shelves for his favorite apple blend, and ignores the noise accordingly. Steven isn't allergic- they checked him not long after he was born- and she's been wanting cat fur on her new white shirt ever since she bought it.

Steven giggles. She listens as the cat bunches its legs and jumps, and turns, jar in hand, to find it sitting on the little table attached to the chair.

"Uh-oh." Pearl's gonna kill her if this makes it unsanitary to eat off of. Well, it does, but permanently. She sets the jar and spoon (she'll wash it in a minute) on the counter and slowly approaches. "Hey, dude. It's all chill. Let's just move ya to the kitchen table, 'kay?"

She feels her world tear like wet paper when claws slash at her hand. Amethyst violently stumbles back, just barely catching herself on the marble.

"What the fuck." She says. The cat meows. Steven giggles again and claps his hands, the little traitor.

Amethyst has only been attacked by a cat once in her entire life, and that was years ago. She'd accidentally stumbled upon a group of newborn kittens, and had tried to pick one up to check its health. That was really stupid of her, in hindsight. But never has one just hauled off and smacked her a good one. It's not in their nature with her.

Befuddled, Amethyst gently set her cane on the counter and shoved her hand into her pocket, pulling out her old flip phone. She did the only thing she could think of- she called Pearl.

It rings a couple times. Pearl is out with friends, so it doesn't surprise her that it takes a minute for her to realize her phone is vibrating and fish it out of her purse. Human and cat have a staring contest while they wait.

"Amethyst?"

"Hey."

"Why're you calling me? I'll be home in an hour." Her voice switches to a more serious tone. "Is Steven-"

"He's cool, P. How do you shoo a cat?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm serious. I have no idea."

"Amethyst, you love cats. Why would you want to chase one off? Is it rabid?"

"Hell no. It's guarding Steven from lunch." If it were rabid, she would've put it out of its misery by now. "It scratched me."

"It scratched you?"

"I just said that. Duh."

Pearl mumbles under her breath for a bit, confused. "Do we have any spray bottles?"

"In the recycling bin, maybe."

"Find one and clean it thoroughly. Then you can just spray it with water."

"Pearl!" She cries, then yelps, almost falling onto her face. "Crap."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Flung my hand up like an idiot, so I wasn't leaning on anything. Screwed my balance up." She decided it was safer to lean against her cane rather than the table, which is smooth and slippery, and retrieved it accordingly. "Why we gotta spritz it?" She whined. "The kitty didn't do nothin'. We don't spit on dogs, do we?"

"You just said it clawed you."

"It's protecting Steven. I don't blame it for that. Isn't there another way? Should I call Garnet? Does the big G know more about spooking cats?"

"Can't you just do the hissing thing?"

"I can't even whistle, Pearl. How am I gonna pull off a hiss?"

"Not literally. Just blow some air through the gap in your teeth. Make that psst noise you hear those dog trainers do on TV."

Amethyst does so. It flicks an ear, eyes narrowing. "Fuck."

"Language." Pearl scolds.

"Steven can't even walk straight yet. Once he starts learnin' how to human, I'll turn it down. Wait." She stalls the inevitable reply. "If he can't walk straight, does that make it a gay walk or a pan walk?" Cradling the cell in the junction between neck and shoulder, she nibbles on a thumbnail, considering. "Actually, it's probably a bi walk, since he goes that way sometimes, but other times he don't, and it ain't 50/50."

"...What?"

"Peri came by earlier with Red Bull. Sorry."

"You shouldn't be drinking those. They could give you a heart attack."

"My tickers stable, promise. To hell with it. I'm just gonna pick it up."

Pearl says her name, but Amethyst ends the call and gimps over determinedly. She's never picked up a cat one-handed before, so it should be interesting. The cat is yellow-brown, with a perfectly gray muzzle and mane. It's an old man, no doubt about it, but its' eyes are as bright as a younglings as it looks down its nose at her.

"Playtime's over." She announces, holding out a hand. "You're coming with me."


Amethyst winces as she tapes on the last band-aid, leaving her cartoon kitty to say, "Puma!". The realistic puma on her right arm is missing an eye, and another puma cub has lost its paw. There's more, of course, but her sleeves have become such an intricate part of her life that she bemoans the loss without counting the bodies. It feels like she shot the puma herself. Y'know, with less blood.

"You ain't a teen yet and you've already fallen in with the wrong crowd." She sighs, sinking onto the couch. Steven makes silly noises and reaches for her thumb "Lookit my ink. You know how long I spent on that artist's table to get these? Too damn long." She points an accusing finger at the cat on the other side of the cushions, nursing nothing more than a damaged pride as he stares at the wall, tail lashing. "And I totally blame you for this, by the way."

Steven makes a noise that sounds reminiscent of the screeching the tom had made when she finally yanked him away.

"Yeah, sure, we can keep him. But he's your problem, you hear me? I ain't taking care of him again. And we're naming him Lion. It'll sound cooler when I tell my buds I got attacked by a Lion."

Lion eventually worms his way into her lap, coating her with the fur she'd been waiting for. Amethyst closes her eyes and falls asleep.

So this is what home feels like.

Author's Note: Yay for Lion! It's about time I finished writing this thing. (Whether Lapis is raising the pumpkin or Malachite is up to you.)

'Till next time!

-Mandaree1