Animal Pragmatism
College
Phoebe is in class listening to he professor "The lions observed in the Ingoro goro crater of Tanzania, mated on average once an hour for a week straight. Before I lose half the room to that thought, answer me this. Where does it begin? And the purpose of all animals is that the proliferation of the species, right?" Phoebe sees a guy staring at her and she smiles. "But it isn't as easy as your nest or mine. It starts with a series of mating rituals. First, the animal must get the attention of the object it desires." Phoebe looks at the guy again and she brushes her hair back. "Next, there must be a sign that the interest is mutual." Three of Phoebe's friends are sitting behind her. One of them shows another something in a book. They giggle. Phoebe turns around.
"What's up with my study group having fun without me?" Phoebe says
Andrea says "Sorry, Phoebe, you looked busy."
Professor continues "Use your time in section tomorrow, tail line your group's thesis, be specific. Better yet, just spell check. See you next week."
Everyone starts packing up. Phoebe turns around and looks at the cover of the book that Andrea is holding. Phoebe asks "Is that a book of love spells?"
Andrea says "Yeah, found it in the valentine display over at the campus bookstore."
She hands it to Phoebe.
Tessa says "It's stupid."
Brooke says "Is not."
Andrea says "We just figured, you know, since we're dateless this year, maybe it'll give us some laughs."
Phoebe laughs to herself while reading the book.
Brooke says "What?
Phoebe says "Oh, nothing. It's just they've got it backwards. You'd never say it in that order. First you say what's lacking and then what's needed. Here, try this. 'From strike of twelve count twenty-four, that's how long the spell is for, if to abate my lonely heart, enchant these gifts I thee impart' See?" They stare at her shocked. "Um, I'm doing a paper on the growing popularity of witchcraft. Hey, if you guys want something fun to do tomorrow night, you should check out my sister's club."
She hands them a flier.
Tessa and Brooke say "Cool."
Phoebe says "No dates required."
Andrea says "Okay."
Tessa says "We'll be there."
Phoebe says "See you at the section tomorrow." Phoebe stands up. Ethan, the guy that was staring at her, walks over to her. "Hey, there's a party tomorrow night." She gets a flier out of her bag. "You should come."
Ethan says "Why?"
Phoebe says "Because I'll be there."
The dorm
Andrea, Tessa and Brooke are about to do the love spell. A pig, a rabbit and a snake are on the floor.
Tessa says "Okay, I'm freaked. Can we turn some lights on?"
Brooke says "No, we can't. Can we?"
Andrea says "It'll spoil the mood. Come on, it says to join hands."
They join hands and Tessa says "We're not gonna hurt them are we? Because I promised Ben that I would get his pig back to him tomorrow."
Brooke says "It's a joke spell, Tessa. This is just supposed to be fun. I mean, you can choose any animal to turn into a man and you chose a pig?"
Tessa says "Well, it's frankly known that pigs are the most intelligent species, that's why."
Brooke says "Well, then we all know why Andrea chose the rabbit."
Andrea says "Just keep your fingers clear. He scratches."
Brooke says "Kinky. Exactly why I brought a snake."
Andrea says "Okay, let's do this. Say it with me."
Andrea, Tessa and Brooke say "From strike of twelve count twenty-four, that's how long the spell is for, turn these gifts into a mate, and then my lonely heart abate." And nothing happens.
Tessa says "Okay, that was fun. Can I go now?"
Andrea says "Wait, didn't Phoebe say some of the words were wrong?"
Brooke says "Why don't you call her?"
Andrea says "I don't have to. The power of technology."
She gets her tape recorder and plays it. And Phoebe's voice is playing "No dates required." Andrea rewinds the tape. "From strike of twelve count twenty-four, that's how long the spell is for, if to abate my lonely heart, enchant these gifts I thee impart."
A bright light and smoke fill the room. Then the animals turn into three naked men.
Underworld
Jared flames in and sees the demon that took Michael's power and then sees the leader. "How could you go after my son and take his powers." Jared says
"I had no choice he was about to expose us all." The leader says
"What will the source say when he finds out you broke one of his orders that forbid you from doing something?" Jared says. the leader shrugs. Jared forms an energy ball and throws it at the demon. He sees the white and black orbs of his sons magic go through the ceiling.
Manor
Michael is in the attic asleep on the chair when the white and black orbs go into him and Jared flames in. he sees Michael asleep and decides not to wake him and flames out.
Opening credits
Manor
Piper's there and Prue comes in looking like she just woke up.
Piper says "What's wrong with this picture?"
Prue says "Okay, is that rhetorical or do I actually have to open my eyes to look at something?"
Piper says "Well, it's a weekday and Phoebe Halliwell is already at campus, and Michael Gonzalez is at school, while Prue Halliwell, master of the morning meetings, sultan of scheduling and queen of..."
Prue walks up behind Piper and says "Cut it."
Piper says "How's it feel to be footloose and office free?"
Prue says "Amazing. You know what I'm gonna do today?"
Piper says "What?"
Prue says "Absolutely nothing."
Piper says "Really? Really, Prue? Nothing entails physically doing nothing, thinking about nothing and worrying about nothing, as suppose to your sister here who's so in the middle of something."
Prue says "Okay, sweetie, what is wrong?"
Piper says "Well, for starters there is tomorrow." Prue doesn't know what she's talking about. "Valentines Day."
Prue says "Wow, I completely forgot. See? I'm doing nothing already."
Piper says "And Dan wants me to have a V-day dinner with him."
Prue says "Oh, that's good."
Piper says "Yeah, except for the fact that there's..."
Prue cuts in and says "Leo. I mean, he is mortal now, doesn't that change things? Piper, you're my sister and I'm with you whatever and whoever you choose."
The dorm
Pig guy says "I need to eat."
The rabbit guy comes out of Andrea's room.
Rabbit guy says "Another satisfied customer."
Tessa says to the pig "You've already eaten everything in our fridge. Brooke will be back with food any minute. Just wait, okay?"
Rabbit guy says "Whoa, what are we supposed to do until then?"
Snake guy says "Fine question. What should we do? You two are acting like nothing's changed. Like you're still trapped in the confines of your cages. Behaving like animals."
Tessa says "That's what you are."
Snake guy says "Not anymore, thanks to you. You've been given a gift. It's time to take it out for a test drive. What it looks like from up here."
Tessa says "You can't. I mean, you have to stay here." They walk towards the door. "Wait."
They walk outside in the hallway and they are still naked.
Girl pleased with what she sees says "Ohh!"
They walk down the hallway. Ethan walks around the corner holding a basket full of his clothes. He stops in front of them.
Snake says "Is there a problem?"
Ethan says "Uh, yeah, try covering up, dude."
They look down and notice they're naked.
Snake says "Remedy the situation."
The rabbit pushes Ethan against the wall and takes his basket.
Ethan says "Hey! Hey, man."
The rabbit pushes him and scratches him and he falls to the floor.
P3
Piper carries a huge heart made out of flowers over to the bar. She notices a small bunch of flowers lying on the bar.
Piper looks around and says "Who are these for?"
Leo pops up from behind the bar and says "They're for you. I know they're not much."
Piper says "They're beautiful. Um, but Leo..."
Leo says "But it's, you know, the best I could do. You know, no I.D., no transportation, no money. I just wanted you to have something to mark the day."
Piper says "Thank you. I have something for you too. Although not nearly as romantic but still a good thing." She holds up some money. "Your first pay check, or cash rather. I thought it would be easier." She hands it to him.
Leo says "So did I. Anyway, thanks. Looks like after everything, I'm still working for the Charmed Ones."
Piper says "Is all this... you doing okay with it?"
Leo says "Yeah, I gotta make it up as I go. Piper, if me being here is awkward for you..."
Piper says "No, um, what's there to be awkward about?"
Leo says "These go in the back, right?" He picks up a tray of glasses and takes them to the store room.
Piper says "Mmm hmm." Dan comes down the stairs carrying a big bunch of flowers. He walks over to Piper. "What are those? I thought that we were gonna wait until tonight."
He puts them on the bar covering up Leo's flowers and says "You're right." He picks them back up. "I should take them back." He says jokingly.
Piper says "Don't you dare. Give them to me." He gives them to her. "They're beautiful. Thank you." They hug. Dan sees Leo walk out of the store room.
Dan says "Uh, Piper."
Piper says "Mmm hmm."
Dan says "Is there something you wanted to tell me?"
Piper says "Not that I know of."
Dan says "You sure?"
Leo walks up to them. And says "Dan."
Dan says "Leo." Leo walks between them and picks up the huge heart made of flowers and He walks away with it. "You never mentioned he was here."
Piper says "Leo's here. You're right. I meant to and then things got busy, so, um, I didn't and I'm sorry. He's just helping out."
Dan says "With what exactly?"
Piper says "Um, you know, handy man, busboy, bar back, security type stuff. He needed a place to stay and it's really not a big deal, Dan."
Dan says "That's just the point, it is. When you were sick, you called out his name, not mine and I was right there with you. When he's around, you're, I don't know, different. We're different. How do you want me to handle that?"
Piper says "And to tell you truth, if the situation were reversed, I don't know how I would feel. But I do know how I feel right now."
Dan says "How do you feel?"
Piper says "Like for the first time in a very long time I'm actually looking forward to a valentines day dinner and you're the reason." He hugs her and Leo watches them from the other side of the room.
Michael's school
Michael is standing there at his locker when Zeke and Rosaline run up to him from behind. "Boo!" Rosaline says and Michael jumps and flames out and back in at the same spot. "Whoa."
"What?" Michael asks
"You just did that fire thing your dad does." She says
"Oh, I thought I felt like I was being transported or something." Michael says.
"Wait you got your powers back?" Zeke says loud
"Shh. Zeke we have to be quiet." Michael reminds him in a playful kind of voice.
"Oh right, sorry." Zeke says. "You got your powers back?"
"Yeah I got them back but I don't know how. The book said you had to vanquish the leader of the demon that attacked me in order to restore the powers of a witch or demon." Michael says as a teacher comes into that hallway.
"Hey, you three get to class." He walks up to them.
"Mikey what do we do?" Rosaline asks.
"Play along." Michael says as the teacher catches up to them.
"Where are your passes?" He says.
"Bye." Michael says running down the stairs with Zeke and Rosaline and they flame out.
Manor
Prue is on the phone and says "Uh, is Brianna there? Of course she's at work. Um, yeah, hi, this is Prue calling. No, you can actually just erase that number. She can reach me at home. Home, I'll be home. Okay, bye." She hangs up. She sees a vase of flowers on the dresser. She tries to centre it using her power but it keeps sliding over too far. She sits there looking bored. She hears screams and yells and turns to her side to see Michael, Zeke and Rosaline flame in and slide across the floor.
The phone rings and Michael says "If that's the school, I'm not here."
She answers it. "Prue Hall... hello?"
"Yes this is the high school calling about Michael Gonzalez." The other line says
"Why? Did something happen." Prue says turning to see Michael Rosaline and Zeke start to tiptoe away "Freeze." She says and points her finger "Sit." And they all sit.
She gets distracted by the three kids moving she doesn't hear the other line "Hello? Ms. Halliwell? Are you there?"
"Yeah I'll talk to him about it just not now ok bye." She says hanging up the phone. "Care to tell me what happened today at the school?"
"Well…" Michael says "I was about to come home when Zeke and Rosaline came behind me and we started talking and stuff and we got yelled at by a teacher and we ran away." Michael finishes with a smile.
"Mikey." Rosaline says
"What? I'm not lie. Especially to Prue." Michael says
"Mikey, thanks for being honest with me, but you cant just leave school whenever you want to unless you have permission from either me, Piper, Phoebe or Andy otherwise you cannot leave the school. I wont make you go back but just promise me you wont do it again." Prue says.
"Ok, I promise." Michael says.
The phone rings and she gets it "Hello?"
Phoebe on the other line says "Hello, yourself. How is the life of leisure going?"
Prue says "It's great. I don't know why you ever gave it up."
Phoebe says "Yeah, because that house is only big enough for one home bound Halliwell. Hey, I'm just on my way to class but I wanted to know if Brooke or Andrea or Tessa called."
Prue says "No, no one called. Nobody. Zip. Nada. Zilch." Michael gets up and they start to leave the room.
College
Phoebe says "That is so weird. They never showed up for our section today."
Pig guy sees a barbeque with sausages on it and a sign with a pig holding a hot dog. He grabs the guy cooking the sausages. Pig guy says "How could you do this to them?" He throws the guy on the ground and picks up the sausages. "Run, run my brothers! Run free!" He throws them up in the air.
Prue says "Um, so hey, Phoebe, I was wondering if maybe we could meet for lunch and if you're pressed for time, then I can just come to campus. With Mikey."
Phoebe says "Actually I was gonna pick up a sandwich on the way to class. I thought Michael was in school."
Prue says "Okay, so what about after class? We could go to the gym. And Mikey is here at home." Phoebe sees the rabbit guy hurting a girl. "Pheebs?"
Phoebe says "I gotta go, Prue." She hangs up.
Girl says "You're hurting me. Stop! Get off!"
Phoebe walks over to them and taps the rabbit guy on the shoulder and says "Hey, is there a problem?" Phoebe has a premonition of the rabbit guy biting someone. The premonition ends and the rabbit guy turns around and Phoebe trips him. He runs off. She says to the woman "Are you okay?"
Girl says "Yeah."
Phoebe runs after the rabbit guy. She sees him jump over a wall with one leap. And he is gone.
Commercial Break
P3
Prue, Michael and Zeke walk in. Piper's wrapping Dan's present.
Prue says "Oh, we so have to cancel your Martha Stewart subscription." And She sits down.
Piper says "When I start making flower boxes out of milk cartons, then you can shoot me."
Prue says "So, um, do you need help with anything?"
Piper says "What happened to doing nothing?" she looks around and asks Michael "Where's Rosaline?"
"At home." Michael says. he looks over and sees Leo in the back and says to Zeke "Come on."
Prue says to Michael "Hey where are you going mister?" he points to Leo "Oh ok anyways I'm finished."
Piper says "You can't finish doing nothing."
Prue says "So then how do you know when you're done?"
Piper says "Put your finger on this." Prue puts her finger on a ribbon. "It's for Dan."
Prue says "What did you get him?"
Piper says "A book on San Francisco architecture. I know, I know, it's a little too impersonal for valentines day but..."
Prue says "No, no. Show's that you know him. It's perfect for him. Uh, what did you get Leo?"
Piper says "Leo? But should I? Tonight?"
Prue says "Yeah."
Phoebe enters and says "Hi."
Prue says "Hey."
Phoebe says "Okay, guess what I saw on Pheebs TV."
Piper says "No, not a premonition. It's valentines day. Can't there be some kind of supernatural day off?"
Prue says "What did you see?"
Phoebe says "There was a guy on campus harassing this girl, so I tried to stop him and wham! it was really weird. Like a guy biting a girl."
Piper says "Biting? Or kissing? It is that time of year, it could've been kissing."
Phoebe says "Hmm, maybe, it could of been I guess."
Piper says "Most people kiss on valentines day, except of course for witches. No, witches don't get to kiss on valentines day because something always comes up."
Prue says "Okay, so maybe it was just some drunk frat guy and his chick of the moment."
Phoebe says "Yeah, maybe. It just, it wasn't very clear. And then I followed him and I think he jumped over this wall."
Prue repeats her sisters words "He jumped over a wall?"
Phoebe says "Yeah, well, there was a ladder pretty close."
Piper says "Phoebe, come on. Doesn't anybody care that I have dinner plans tonight with Dan?" Piper holds up the book.
Phoebe says "Oh, honey, is that what he got you? I mean, it's nice and all just a little impersonal."(Piper groans, crosses her arms on the table and buries her head in them. "What'd you get for Leo? What'd you get Leo?"
Back of the club
Michael approaches Leo and says "Hi."
"Hey Mikey, how are you?" Leo says with a smile.
"I'm good." Michael says and Zeke pokes Michael a little "Oh, Zeke this is my former white lighter Leo. Leo this is my best friend Zeke."
They shake hands and Zeke says "It's nice to meet you."
"You too." Leo says as there is an orange glow behind them but un-noticed to Leo. Jared waves his hands to get Michael's attention. Michael and Zeke just stare behind Leo "What is it?" Leo asks them Jared flames out as Leo turns around for nothing to be there.
"It's nothing. Excuse us." Michael says flaming he and Zeke out before Prue could notice.
Manor
Michael and Zeke flame in at the same time Jared does.
"so your powers are back." Jared says
"Yeah I noticed earlier." Michael says "Thank you for how you did it."
"No problem, listen if any demons attack you or your friends you let me know and I'll set them straight." Jared says.
"Ok daddy." Michael says.
College: Dorm room
Tessa says "But we missed section."
Andrea says "It's valentines day. I wanna find my date."
Tessa says "Are you sure? I mean, this isn't natural. You said it was just a joke and now they are human beings."
Andrea says "Pretty cool, huh?"
Tessa says "No, no it's not. I think we should turn them back."
Brooke says "Just chill. We'll just until midnight and they'll turn back on their own."
Andrea says "Yeah."
They walk in their room. The rabbit, pig and snake guy are there. The snake's holding the spell book. Snake guy asks "What does this mean?"
Andrea says "It's a spell. That's what made you human."
Rabbit guy says "Yes, but for how long?" his fingers are starting to turn back into rabbit claws.
Snake Guy says "He asked you a question."
Brooke says "Twenty-four hours. Actually now it's more like twelve."
Snake Guy says "Well, fix it. We've decided we would like to stay this way."
Rabbit Guy says "Yeah, we're having fun."
Andrea says "Yeah, sure looks like it. Am I wrong here but aren't you supposed to be mine?"
Snake Guy says "Aren't you having fun, Andrea? You know, you can have much more fun if we had more time."
Brooke says "I might know how."
Tessa says "No."
Brooke says "Okay, we can't but I might know someone who might. Phoebe. She'll be at the party tonight."
Andrea says "Wait, I have the class roster. I know where she lives."
Snake Guy says "Show us the way."
Pig Guy says "Uh, we're gonna eat though, right?"
Tessa says "Guys, I really don't think we should…"
Snake Guy says "Why don't you go on ahead. We'll catch up." Brooke and Andrea leave. "Now why do you have to be such a little trouble maker?" he says to Tessa.
Commercial Break
Book store
Phoebe and Piper are picking out a card for Leo.
Piper says "Thanks for keeping me company."
Phoebe says "Better here than at the club with Prue. Her boredom has turned her into the demon of declaration."
Piper says "Why don't they make a card that says 'You used to be my Whitelighter and now your wings are clipped and now you're sleeping in my club?'."
Phoebe says "Or how about 'You snooze, you lose and now I'm getting naked with the neighbor.'" Piper hits her on the arm. "Ow, hey." Phoebe picks up a card. "How about this one? She reads it. "'Oh, yeah, yeah, very sweet. Ta assussa sasa.'"
Piper says "And what is that supposed to say?"
Phoebe says "That says something in Portuguese but at least you won't have to worry about him taking it the wrong way."
Piper says "Thank you." Phoebe notices the spell book in the shop. '"To the special person who lights up my day. I'll treasure you always."'
Phoebe says "Ohh, of course."
Piper says "And then I'll spit up on myself"
Phoebe laughs and says "Ooh, the girls in school are reading this." She picks up the spell book. "The ones in my class. We are so in right now."
Piper says "We are not in. Love is and this stuff gives people hope that they can find it."
Phoebe says "Yeah, the problem is people think they can get into magic without dealing with the consequences."
Piper says "But this stuff, none of it's like in the Book of Shadows. For one thing, it doesn't really work. I mean, normal people can't make this work." Phoebe remembers something. "Right? Pheebs?"
Phoebe says "Not without a little help. Um, I have to go call Prue. I think I need her help with something." Phoebe runs off.
Piper says "Something to do? She'll be thrilled." Piper picks up another card. "Okey dokey." All it says on it is 'For you always.' "Now that's a card." She puts it back and picks up another one. "This'll do."
She leaves. You see Leo standing in the next aisle. He's holding the "For you always" card.
P3
Piper walks down the stairs and says "Hello? Worker bees? Anyone?" She notices petals on the floor leading to somewhere. She follows them into the alcove. She opens the curtains and sees wine and glasses on the table. Dan's there holding a tulip.
Dan says "I'm sure this'll ruin the dinner that I'm gonna buy you tonight but…"
Piper says "You are so sweet." She looks at the bottle of wine. "Piper red label?"
Dan says "Well, with a name like that, I figured it would be the best. I mean, this is our first holiday. The holiday invented by Hallmark. But it's just the same." Piper's still holding the card for Leo and she hides it behind her back so Dan doesn't see.
Dan says "Is that for me?"
Piper says "Uh…"
He takes the card and reads it.
Dan reads the card "'To a dear friend on Valentines Day.' Piper, it's nice to know that you're deeply in like with me. It isn't for me, it's for Leo, isn't it?"
Piper says "What do you want me to say?"
Dan says "How about no."
Piper says "Dan, you read it. Read it again. It says to a friend. And I'm sorry but I'm not interested in ending that particular friendship."
Dan says "I'm not sure that's all he sees it as."
Piper: says "I come with a past. We all do. It's a package. One I would like to share with you but you can't pick and choose. You get all of me."
Dan says "Do I?"
Piper says "Okay, um, I've gotta work, so why don't I just see you tonight."
Dan says "Fine." He walks away.
Piper says "Fine. Oh, I just love Valentines Day.
Manor
Michael, Zeke and Jared at the table talking when they hear something. The rabbit guy smashes the glass on the front door and puts his hand in to open the door.
Jared runs to behind Zeke and Michael and flames them out before the door opens.
Brooke says "You can't do this."
Andrea says "This is going too far." They walk inside and see the glowing shimmer of Jared's flame.
Snake Guy says "Rules like cages, were meant to be broken."
Brooke says "Okay, since leaving campus, you guys have beaten a pedestrian to a pulp and played chicken with a carpool mom. Are you on something?"
Andrea says "Or just your average crazy? Look, Tessa seemed fine but if she's really not feeling well like you said, we should go home. Or at least call her."
Snake Guy says " Not yet we need Phoebe."
The pig guy pulls some skin off the back of the snake guys neck and there's snake skin underneath.
Andrea says "Oh, my God."
Pig Guy asks "What's happening?"
Rabbit Guy says "We're changing back."
Brooke says "The spell said this would happen. Look, Phoebe's not here and there's nothing we can do to change things. It's not like we made up the rules."
Andrea says "God, Tessa was right. We shouldn't have done this."
The snake grabs Andrea. She screams and he bites her on the neck. She falls to the floor. He says "She talked too much."
The rabbit guy grabs Brooke.
Brooke says "Don't touch me."
Pig guy says "Guys stop! This isn't fun anymore."
Rabbit guy says "Yes it is."
Snake guy says "Next time you want a dangerous man, you might wanna make sure he's not poisonous."
She screams and he bites her on the neck. She falls on the floor.
Pig guy says "Why'd you do that?"
Snake guy "Paper. Give me the paper."
The rabbit gets Phoebe's flier out of his pocket and gives it to him.
Pig guy says "Are they dead?"
Snake guy says "They will be."
Rabbit guy says "Don't we need both of them and Phoebe for the spell? That's how it worked before."
Snake guy says "Four hours until we turn back. Four hours until they die from the poison. I think that information might motivate this Phoebe to help us." His snake tongue sticks out. "Her scent, it's everywhere. She's not here right now."
Pig guy says "Let's go home, okay guys. I've had enough. We're not meant to be like this." He starts crying. They walk up to him. "What? Come on, guys, what? No. Not me."
They both squeeze him really hard and he starts squealing like a pig. He falls to the floor.
Snake guy says "I didn't think he'd ever shut up."
Michael flames in at the back door with Zeke and Jared "I have to let the sisters know what happened." He grabs Zeke and flames out.
College
Phoebe and Prue are walking down the hallway Michael and Zeke flame in outside and catch up to them.
College
Phoebe and Prue are walking down the hallway Michael and Zeke flame in outside and catch up to them.
Prue says "Since when do mortals cast spells that actually work? "
Phoebe says "Look, I know that book is probably a total cheese fest, but what if? The spell called for living objects, my premonition and that guy who could leap tall buildings in a single bounce. Something is wrong, I know it."
"What are we talking about?" Michael asks
"Where have you been?" Prue asks.
"At home." Michael says with a smile.
A guy walks past them wearing only a towel.
Prue says "Oh, hire education. Maybe, I need to come back to college to study something."
"Ha." Michael and Zeke say at the same time.
They walk up to Tessa, Brooke, and Andrea's room. Ethan's there.
Phoebe says "Oh, Ethan."
Ethan says "Hey."
Phoebe says noticing the cut on his forehead. "What happened, honey?"
Ethan says "Oh, it's nothing. Just some drunk frat guy."
Prue says "Yeah, seems to be a lot of that going around."
Phoebe says "Uh, this is my sister Prue, my brother Michael, and his friend Zeke."
Ethan says "Hey."
Prue, Michael and Zeke all say "Hey."
Ethan says "Well, I just knocked but nobody was in. I thought I'd give them a little hell for missing section today but, I mean, Andrea and Brooke would totally bail out but it doesn't really seem like Tessa, you know? Then again, it is valentines day, maybe they had something better to do."
"Maybe, I know I have something going on tonight." Michael says with a smile and the two sisters look at him "Never mind." He says with a smile.
Phoebe stares dreamily at Ethan and says "Do you?"
Prue says "Okay, gotta go, busy, busy. Nice meeting you, Ethan."
They shake hands and he says "Nice to meet you and I'll see you tonight."
Phoebe says "Okay."
Ethan walks past them and Phoebe goes to follow but Prue stops her. "I'm sorry, okay."
Phoebe says "Oh, you're right. Love needs a backseat to duty."
Prue says "What's that about love in a backseat?" She uses her power and unlocks the door and they walk in. "Because mom, dad, your birth. That's how you were. God, this place is a mess. I mean, boys are bad but this is a pig sty."
"Hey." Michael and Zeke say at that response.
Phoebe says "I don't think they did this."
Prue says looking on the floor and sees the book "Hey, is this the spell book?"
Phoebe says "Yeah."
They hear noises in the closet.
Prue says "What was that?"
Phoebe says "It's in the closet."
"Come on, its probably just a ghost or something." Michael says. They walk over and open the closet and see Tessa locked in a cage. "Oh my god."
Commercial Break
Manor
Prue, Phoebe, Michael, Zeke and Tessa walk into the back door.
Phoebe says to Tessa "Look Tessa, I know what you've been through has been really hard but the only way that we can help you is if you tell us what happened."
Tessa says "There's no way that you'd understand."
Prue says "You won't find four more understanding people in this particular instincts."
Tessa says "It just sounds crazy and you'll think that I'm..."
Phoebe interrupts her and says "Very brave for facing whatever it is."
Tessa says "You remember that spell that we showed you in class? Well, it worked. Not liked it helped us meet guys, it helped us make guys out of animals."
Phoebe says "And you did this from the spell in that book?"
"Those things actually work?" Michael asks rhetorically.
Tessa says "Yeah, and we even played back the tape that we were recording in class so we could here your corrections for the spell." Phoebe and Prue look at each other. "But before we had a chance to chant the new version, there they were."
Prue says "Alright, so what is it you think these men want with you?"
Tessa says "I don't know. Maybe it's our fault because we tried to make them into something they're not."
Phoebe says "No, you can't blame yourself for the actions of other people. We're gonna fix this. First we have to fix you. I'll be right back." She walks in the kitchen and looks in a cupboard. "If I were hydrogen peroxide, where would I be?" She hears a noise in a closet.
Prue notices the broken glass on the door.
Prue looks at Michael and says "What happened?"
"I don't know Zeke and I were just sitting here talking to dad when these creepy dudes just break the glass and walk in like ther're at home." Michael says.
"It's true." Zeke says
Prue yells "Phoebe!"
Phoebe says "Prue, where do we keep the hydrogen peroxide?" She opens the closet and the pig guy falls out on top of her. Prue and Tessa run in the kitchen and Phoebe pushes the pig off her.
Tessa says "Oh my gosh. He was one of them, except he didn't look like that."
Prue says "The spell must be wearing off."
Phoebe "They're starting to look and act more like animals."
Prue says to Tessa "Alright, look, they have killed one of their own, there's no telling what they're gonna do or what they already have done to your friends."
Phoebe says "Do you know what they want?"
Tessa says "You."
Phoebe says "What?"
Tessa says "They're having fun and they wanna stay this way and Andrea told them that you'd be able to help them."
Phoebe says "Where are they now?"
Tessa says "There." She gets the flier off the fridge. "That's where I think they'll be."
Side of the road somewhere
The snake guy and rabbit guy are there with a broken down car and a car drives past and they wave to him for him to stop.
Man says "You guys need some help?"
Snake guy says "You could say that. I think we're outta gas."
Man says "What can I do for you?"
The snake guy's eyes turn into snake eyes and he says "You could not scream."
The rabbit guy jumps on the bonnet of the car. Then the snake guy jumps on the roof, runs across it, leans over the edge and strangles the guy. Rabbit guy opens the boot of the other car and Andrea and Brooke are in there.
Rabbit guy says "Okay, ladies, papa's gotta brand new set of wheels."
P3
Piper's talking on her cell phone "Prue, the place is full of snakes. How am I suppose to pick out the right one? Did I mention I have dinner plans with Dan? Okay, you're five minutes away? Okay, as fast as you can would be good." She hangs up.
Leo says "Everything okay?"
Piper says "Of course not. Prue, Phoebe and Michael have found a problem. Two of them actually and they're bringing their dates here."
Leo says "On the night when you have a date of your own, huh?"
Andy walks in
Piper says "Just ear mark anyone looking for Phoebe."
"Hey, is Prue here yet?" Andy asks
"No. Why?" Piper asks
"You'll find out very soon." Andy says.
Ethan walks up to Piper, Andy and Leo and says "Excuse me, you wouldn't happen to know if Phoebe Halliwell is anywhere around here, would you?"
Piper says "She should be here any minute and if you'd sit down over there and don't move you'd have a perfect view." Ethan goes over and sits at the bar.
Leo says "You think he's..."
Piper says "Could be."
Leo says "Let me help."
Piper says "No, Leo, thank you, but now that you've lost your wings, I'm... I don't want you to get hurt."
Leo sees Dan walk down the stairs and he walks away. Dan comes up to Piper and says "Hey. Will you be my valentine?"
Piper says "I hope so. Especially after..."
Dan says "Today. Well, tonight's tonight. So let's get started."
Piper says "Um, about that."
Dan says "You're kidding. Just tell me you're kidding."
Piper says "What?"
Dan says "Wait, let me guess, It's something with your sisters, or maybe you'll be vague and just say 'something important's come up', or my favorite of all time – 'it's a matter of life and death.'
Andy laughs hearing the conversation as Rosaline walks up to him and says "What's so funny?" and he points to Piper and Dan. "Oh."
Piper says "Actually, what I was going to say, if you would let me, is that I'm running a little late and could you please wait for me at the bar." She walks away.
The rabbit and snake guy enter the club. They walk around looking for Phoebe.
Prue, Phoebe, Michael, Zeke and Tessa enter the club. Phoebe's holding a pen and paper.
Leo sees them walk in and says "Hi guys."
Prue says "Hey."
Leo says "Piper's stressing in the alcove."
Prue introduces Tessa "Tessa, Leo, Leo, Tessa." She then asks "Can you watch her for us for a little while please?"
Leo says "Yeah, sure."
Prue says "Phoebe, how's the spell coming?"
Phoebe says "It'd be coming a lot better if I could get my hands on a pinch of the salt of life.
Leo says "We got the salt of margaritas."
Phoebe says "I will take it."
"Yeah, anyway is Rosaline here yet?" Michael asks
"Uh, yeah she and Andy are talking at the bar." Leo says
"Thanks." Michael says
"Andy's here?" Prue asks and he nods. Prue and Phoebe go in the alcove.
Tessa says to Leo "So, who are you?"
Leo says "I'm, uh, just a friend."
Prue walks into the alcove and says "Hey, how's my stressed out sister and her something?"
Piper says "Well, we've moved past something and straight into everything. The view sucks, I don't recommend it. How goes the battle plan?"
Prue says "Well, we didn't find anything in the Book Of Shadows."
Phoebe says "Which makes sense because the ani-men or whatever were created by careless magic, not supernatural evil."
Piper says "So where does that leave us?"
Prue says "In the hands of our spellbinding sister who's writing a little hocus pocus to turn these men back into animals before they get completely out of control."
Phoebe says "Easier said than done. I do not work well under pressure."
Prue says "Any sign of him?"
Piper says "Well, I've been watching that one who came in looking for Phoebe but he doesn't seem so creepy. And I've been watching Rosaline and Andy since they got here."
They look at the bar and see Ethan, Rosaline, Andy, Michael and Zeke sitting there.
Prue says "Yeah, the only magic Phoebe wants to work on him is personal. That's her date."
Piper says "Oh. Why do we seem to have a habit of gathering our men at the scene of the supernatural smack down?"
"Oh I don't know I'll be right back." Prue says walking to Andy.
Phoebe answers Piper's question "It's part of our charm."
Morris arrives as Andy, Michael, Zeke, Rosaline and Prue walk into the alcove
Morris says "Hey, ladies, Michael, Trudeau, Friends."
Piper says "Hey, Darryl. Please tell me you're here for a nice romantic evening with your wife."
Darryl says "No, that'd be what I'm late for."
Piper says "Join the club."
Morris says "I'm here as a friend. It's not my case but I heard a buzz. A string of violent crimes in the campus, through your neighborhood, all the way here to the parking lot. Stolen blue and grand marq the assailants were driving - parked outside. A couple of units are on their way, so..."
Prue says "Thanks for the heads up."
Piper says "I'll warn security."
Leo comes in and hands the salt to Phoebe.
Phoebe says "Oh, thanks Leo."
Leo says "Uh, Tessa says Andrea and Brooke aren't here."
Tessa says "But they are."
They all look and see snake guy and rabbit guy coming towards them.
Snake guy says "Phoebe, so nice to smell you."
Phoebe says "He just spotted me."
The snake peels some skin off his face and snake skin is underneath.
Prue says "Okay, how are we doing on that spell?"
Phoebe says "You know, you keep throwing this 'we' word around and I don't see you doing anything."
The guys push a woman down and Morris and Andy get out there guns.
Morris says "Wait."
Prue says "Darryl, Andy, no!" Morris and Andy go up to the snake and rabbit as Prue astral projects in front of them. "Guys, wait."
Phoebe says "Okay, I got it."
Snake guy says to astral Prue "Make us human. By the time we find your friends, they'll be dead."
Phoebe says "Okay. 'Something wicked in our midst, in human form these spirits dwell...'."
Prue turns around and says "Phoebe, no!"
The animals try to grab astral Prue but she astral projects back in her body.
Phoebe continues chanting "'Make them animals sayth the spell'."
Prue says "Phoebe, they hid the girls. Okay, we need to keep them human until we find out where they are."
Phoebe looks out of the alcove and sees everyone in the club, including Andy and Darryl, has turned into animals.
Phoebe says "Ohh!" and closes the curtain"
Prue says "Okay, what's going on?"
Phoebe says "Uh, the good news is the spell worked."
Prue says "And the bad news?"
Phoebe says "The spell worked on everyone."
Prue, Michael, Zeke, Rosaline and Piper look out of the alcove.
Piper says "I don't have a permit for this kind of party."
Commercial Break
P3
Prue and Piper are putting the rabbit and snake in boxes and Piper is singing "Old McPiper had a farm...e-i-e-i" They hear a cow moo. "Was that a moo? Phoebe, fix this."
Phoebe says "Rome was not built in a day, Piper."
Piper says "Yeah, but my club was ruined in a blink of an eye."
Prue says "At least we don't have to try and figure out what species our innocents are."
Phoebe says "Yeah, but if Tessa's right and they're not here, then what?"
Prue says "Well, right before you cast the spell, the snake said something about if we don't make them human, then the girls will die."
Piper says "Okay, so how much time do we have?"
Phoebe says "Tessa said the spell lasts for twenty-four hours and they cast it at midnight, so..."
"Which is in thirty five minutes." Michael says
Prue says "Didn't Morris say something about the man's stolen car parked somewhere outside?"
Piper says "Yeah, followed by the police who are on their way here right now."
Phoebe says "Okay, you know, I made this mess, let me clean it up. You guys have to find Brooke and Andrea because if my premonition was right..."
Piper interrupts and says "As they always are."
Phoebe continues "And they probably were both bitten by that snake, which means that if they don't get medical attention they could die."
Prue says "Alright, we'll go try find something in the car, a hint that will lead us to them."
Piper says "Okay, Phoebe, you try and turn this room back and we will try to find the girls and..." A monkey kisses Phoebe on the cheek.
Phoebe says "Um, uh..."
Piper says "Go kiss someone else."
Prue says "Let's take these guys with us, make sure they don't turn human." They pick up the boxes.
Piper says "Are you sure we've got the right ones?"
Prue says "Well, yeah, it was the only rabbit and snake next to each other."
Phoebe says "And the only two that put up a fight." Prue, Michael and Piper start walking towards the door. "Whoa, they're fleeing. Piper, how about a little supernatural choral?" Piper freezes all the animals and Zeke and Rosaline. "Thank you." Prue, Michael and Piper leave. "Okay, I would like you all to know that I'm vegetarian, okay. I have never eaten any of you."
Prue and Piper are carrying the boxes out to the parking lot while Michael just walks with his hands in his pockets.
Prue says "Why do I have to carry the poisonous snake?"
Piper says "Because you're the oldest."
Prue says "So?"
Piper says "So you've lived a full life."
Prue says "Wait, you think that's the car over there?"
Piper says "What, you want me to ask him?" She shakes the box.
Prue says "You know what? You're a smart ass. Come on, we don't have much time."
They walk over to the car and puts the boxes on the ground.
Meanwhile, inside the club the animals, Zeke and Rosaline unfreeze. A dog starts eating Phoebe's herbs.
Phoebe says "No! Bad dog. Icksnay on icklingay. Alright, you know what? Nobody bothers the witch, okay. If we all remain calm, I will have everything under control and back to normal, alright?"
Back outside Prue, Piper and Michael just finished looking in the car.
Piper says "Nothing. Now what?"
Prue says "Trunk." Prue uses her power and opens the trunk and they see Brooke and Andrea there. "Oh my God."
Piper feels their pulse and says "They have a pulse. It's still there but it's faint and we need to get them to the hospital now."
Prue says "Alright."
Back inside the club Phoebe reads her spell from the paper "'Undo the magic acted here, reverse the spell so all is clear'." And everything is turned back to normal.
Back outside the rabbit and snake turn back into humans as well. The snake grabs Piper and the rabbit goes over to Prue and Michael.
Prue uses her power and sends thr rabbit guy crashing into wooden boxes after saying "Piss off, Thumper!". The snake tries to bite Piper. "Oh, oh!"
Piper asks "What's happening?"
Michael says "Phoebe reversed the spell."
Prue says "Yeah, It must of worked on all the animals. Piper, hold on." Prue uses her power and Piper and the snake fly through the air and hit the wall.
The rabbit jumps on Michael and Prue kicks him off of him.
Piper grabs a long piece of wood and hits snake man between the leg and says "How's it feel to be a man now?" She punches him in the face and knocks him out. The rabbit gets ready to scratch Prue and Michael but Piper freezes him. "What do you say we wake up Dr. Poison here and move him... move, uh, Thumper there right into his fangs."
Prue says "I've got a better idea. Come on."
Later that night A policeman is putting snake guy and the rabbit guy in the car.
Rabbit guy says "At least we're human for good now."
Snake guy says "Shut up."
The car drives off. Prue, Piper, Michael, and Phoebe are standing there.
Prue says "So it looks like they got what they wanted. They get to be treated like humans."
Phoebe says "And caged like them too."
Morris and Andy come up to them.
Morris says "You four sure are re-writing my book on public service."
Piper says "So the girls are gonna be okay?"
Andy says "Yeah. They're on their way to the hospital. I think you found them just in time. How did... I'm not even gonna ask."
Prue says "Remember when our biggest concern on Valentines Day was who to spend it with?"
Piper says "Still is."
Prue says "Yeah, I was glad I have a date tonight."
Phoebe says "Speaking of dates - don't I have one in there?"
After everyone goes back inside Andy goes up to the stage and starts to talk to everyone.
"What is he doing?" Prue asks
"You'll see." Michael says
Andy on stage says "Now I know I already did this before but I wanted to wait till today to actually ask her." He looks for Prue. "Prue, will you come up here please?"
Prue walks up there and says "What are you doing?"
He kneels on the ground and grabs her hand "Today is valentines day and I wanted to ask you again today that way your sisters know and stuff but uh Prudence Halliwell will you marry me?"
She smiles with tears of joy and says "Yes." They kiss on stage and everyone claps.
Piper puts some music on and Phoebe is dancing with Ethan while Prue dances with Andy and Piper Dances with Dan and Michael dances with Rosaline
Prue and Piper go to sit at the bar with Zeke and there dates
Prue says "You know, I never knew how exhausting not having a job could be."
Piper says "Table four needs to be bust."
Prue says "Okay, I'm serious. No, it's like having a job just sort of made this whole Charmed thing less stressful. It gave me something else to worry about."
Piper says "So the Prue of old wins out after all."
Prue says "I like being busy."
Piper says "And why mess with a good thing?"
Prue says "Yeah, I just need to find something that I love getting busy at."
"Well you can be busy yelling at Mikey when he skips school." Zeke says with a smile
Piper says "Speaking of getting busy, check out our little brother and sister."
They watch Phoebe dancing with Ethan and Michael dancing with Rosaline.
Prue says "Oh, my. Just hope they don't do eighties dancing. I'm ready to go home. Bye." She leaves.
Phoebe and Ethan are dancing and Ethan says "Phoebe, there's something..."
Phoebe says "Oh, no, in my teeth?" You see a feather in her hair. He takes it out. "Oh! That's, uh, that's-that's-that's really strange."
Piper goes to talk to Dan
Dan says "You're not a beck and call kind of girl, I get that."
Piper says "I have a job that takes time, a family that takes time and making you and me work is gonna take time. I need to know that you're willing to deal with it with me."
Dan says "You know I am. As long as you realize who I am. Sometimes I get jealous. I wonder where you are, who you're with and that's me. You can't make me something I'm not. Work with me, yes but change me." He shakes his head.
Piper says "Relationships are hard work."
Dan says "Especially on an empty stomach. Do you think we can talk about this over dinner?"
Piper says "Magic words." They start walking towards the stairs. "Oh, I forgot my purse. I'll meet you outside." She walks in the alcove and picks up her purse. A card is sticking out of it. She starts reading it.
Leo's voice in Piper's head as she is reading says "Piper, when we first met you thought I was just a handyman. Well, I'm just a handyman again. The sane guy you fell in love with. The same guy who fell in love with you. For who you are, not who I think you are. Remember that and know that I'm, not giving up."
Piper and Leo look at each other from across the room. They start walking towards each other. They meet up and start kissing. Then you see her standing there in the alcove. It was only a daydream. She looks over at Leo, they smile and she walks outside.
