Its nightfall. How do I know that? Because I am currently locked in my own hell. A familiar voice is screaming at me. I immediately wish...
That it would just shut the fuck up.
But then I note the words that were being said.
"WHAT the FUCK have you DONE?!" A voice screamed.
You see, in this particular memory, the voice's owner says that two times. It left me wondering... What part of the memory I was living out.
I received my answer.
You know how say, you dream and something painful happens? Then you wake up and you literally feel it?
Yeah, well.
News flash.
I'm not waking up at the moment.
Instead, my vision comes to life in my memory.
Someone is huddling in a corner...
The walls... I know them, just like I know who's crying in a corner at the moment.
They are constructed of wood. There's no actual wallpaper.
Just wooden boards nailed together with that orange insulation fluff jammed here and there.
And there's a lot of blood.
- END OF SCREAMWAKE\JASLYNNE POV-
-BEGINNING OF ELROND POV-
I was awoken by frantic screams. Only this time... They
weren't the healer's screams. I knew then it was her, and exploded from my own bed, nearly falling down on a hastily discarded comforter. Not very graceful, but under the circumstances, I can't say I care.
The door is wrenched open and I find a wide eyed Legolas.
He bowed shortly saying, "My father asked me to wake you."
"Is it her?" I asked quickly.
Legolas seemed to debate a long answer, then realized it was not the right time.
" Yes."
Ah, wonderful. This is going to please Thranduil greatly. Waking up in the early hours seems to become a habit around these stone halls.
Upon rounding the corner, I feel one of my eyes twitch. She is thrashing around in her bed, screams shocking the plant life nearby. The vine like flowers don't react well either. Legolas has his attention taken by one of the Mirkwood guard.
He bows quickly. "My Lords. The Lady Galadriel has arrived with Lord Celeborn as her guest."
Thranduil had overheard, and broken out of his unblinking gaze on the woman in the bed. "Bring them to our location."
The guard bowed and retreated swiftly from sight. I moved forward to her bedside as far as I could, before two of the flowers saw my approach and hissed in warning.
Then an idea came to mind.
"Thranduil, you are linked to your own wood, linked through nature are you not?"
I knew his attention now shifted to me, I could feel it.
"Your point?" He asked dryly.
I resisted the urge for an annoyed comeback.
" You may be able to reason with her... protectors."
As I explained this, one of said protectors slithered from underneath the bed frame, I could imagine somewhere in that flower... was a pair of eyes that currently watching me.
Fuck...
I can't wake up. I can't wake up no matter how much I try.
I'm trying.
But I can't.
I am forced to watch my body move forward through the memory,
For in my hand, there is a knife.
A familiar sight and the blood that drips from it even more so. The ragged screams give away to sobbing uncontrollably. The one in the corner is my mother, she is crouched down over a body on the floor.
My brother.
There is one more corpse, and this one lays to the left of me.
My father.
There's a throbbing in my left cheek, I recognized that too. Just then, my mother sprang upon me, screaming, with a tiny saw blade, raised to kill.
I reacted, there was a gasp from her. I knew that it was her.
My knife was embedded between her ribs.
The only person besides my brother that was even tolerable was dead.
Dead.
Just like my brother.
I slide my gaze upon my father to the left. Hah. As if he were even worthy of the title of 'father'.
Just then all fades away to black and I am regarded with a pair of unnerved, yet gentle dark brown eyes.
Elrond.
I feel his hands, each placed on the sides of my head.
A blonde haired lady and a silver haired man gazed at me as well. I shuddered away from all three of them.
My question came up from my throat in a rattled hiss, "How much did you see?"
I sprang away from them, the plant vines noted my distress and reappeared at once. I could feel their smooth vines rest on me lightly, their keening like a plea to my ailment that no medicine can heal.
I can't control my fear, and my gaze filters off to the very same cliff like balcony I had jumped from yesterday. I drag myself to my feet. I ignore the voices that call me, even when one of the voices becomes more urgent. And then I run.
I run towards the cliff with no further thoughts.
And I smile as my descent quickens.
My eyes slip shut, squishing tears beneath them.
My story is best left untold, I thought.
(THRANDUIL POV)
I saw her smile.
She SMILED for Eru's sake, as she leapt from the cliffs of the cavern balcony. I heard Galadriel's gasp of horror, her husband Celeborn moved as if to stop the she-beast from jumping to her death.
They were all too late, Elrond shocked into a stone-like state, only I was the one quick enough to approach the edge. There was again, no need for anyone to be concerned.
The vines had come to life once more.
I should be dead.
Yet I get the feeling, I'm not dead.
So, I can't even die properly. I failed.
I can ignore anything, except dreams like this.
And then I wake.
The first thing that I see when I wake is my plant vines, curled over my sleeping form.
The second thing I see is something I don't want to gaze at.
Elrond, Thranduil, the two other elves...
They're basically camped out at my bedside it seems.
Elrond and Thranduil immediately detect something in the room has changed, and both shift slightly in their slumber. That... weird version of slumber elves have creeps me out.
Eyes open, mind turned off.
Well, sort of. The two elves, they gaze at me in silence for a moment. Then I recognize both elves from the entertainment media from my world.
Celeborn and Galadriel.
Good grief. If stars could be swallowed, I'd wonder what they had been eating.
Even in a dimly lit room, the duo glowed.
Galadriel's voice caused me to jump.
"Why did you try to end your life?" She asks me.
I stare right back at her gaze.
At the moment, I feel emptied, so I just answer, "Why not?"
I blink, but I don't break from her gaze even now.
Elrond shifts and his eyes clear back to warm brown.
Then they settled on me.
My heart skipped and I halfheartedly wished that it would just stop altogether.
No chance it seemed.
"You. You killed your mother and father, even your brother?"
There's a few reasons for me asking how much Elrond saw.
"My mother, Yes. My brother? No. My father? Can't say that I regret that one."
The silver haired elder intervened, Celeborn.
"Why?"
Now that, was what everyone is wanting to know. Even me.
"I ask myself that all the time. Apparently, abusive fathers can sometimes lead to murder."
I smiled poisonously, yet kept my voice sweeter than sugar.
In reality I just wanted to bury myself someplace.
You know, maybe the earth will swallow me away from this.
"Everyone has that feeling once in a while, strange one."
Galadriel.
"How about once every month?" I asked her mentally. I ignored the shock that we both felt.
I just telepathically communicated with Galadriel.
She was silent after that and I had not noticed that Thranduil was awake.
And glaring.
Too bad, I tend to glare back.
"How badly do all of you want to know me? Know every single scar and what they all mean?"
I didn't wait to hear any responses.
"If I tell you these things, none of your eyes will look at me the same."
I stated this calmly, as calmly as I could to ensure that they knew this was the calm before the storm hits.
I said my next three words very deliberately.
" Are you sure?"
They all looked at me. Thranduil just glared.
Very well then.
"Alright. I'll start from where the end began."
"It was just another day. One day of my father, showing anger at me for the one thing that I just can't fix.
No, its not the bad grades. Not that I have any.
Or that I'm a teenage drug addict or alcohol addict. All of those things I can change.
I'm the kind who can't feel emotion.
No emotion,
From love,
from anger.
Nothing. Unfortunately my father was the kind of sick bastard who saw that as a challenge. My mother was the type that claims she wants to intervene, but is scared.
Because I have no emotions at all, my father felt that if I could at least shed tears then he succeeded in saying I feel something.
Because I have no emotions at all, I couldn't feel anger at my mother even if I had tried, as I didn't know what being being scared was like.
Now I was in our backyard shed. He'd sliced into my arms severely, and this was about to get worse.
My brother, my beautiful little bro.
He'd walked in, saw me bleeding profusely from my arms all slashed, and screamed bloody murder as he lunged at my father. My father, whirled around and hit him on the side of his head.
The impact on my brothers head caused him to slice his skull open on the saw blade machine that was just behind him.
Then, he fell.
Now, something the doctors told us when I was first diagnosed comes back to mind.
They said severe mental trauma is the only thing that can awaken my emotions.
Another reason why my father saw that as a challenge.
Back to my brother.
I see the amount of red stained on the saw blade. My father stands there, surprised and blinking.
And that's what caused me to unravel, my emotions to come into existence.
My hands find a blade in my hands, a handheld blade that is covered by my own shade.
Its the same knife he used on my through the years.
Over and over again.
I plunged the blade straight up into his bare throat. His eyes flicker to mine, a gurgle mixed with anguish and surprise is heard as he falls to the floor. The blade is still in my hand. Here is a feminine scream.
And I know well who it belongs to.
It's her.
My dear,
sweet,
mother.
I'm in for a shock though.
Because after she cries over my brother's corpse.
She attacks me with a handsaw. And I defend myself, my heart jumped in a strange way as I did.
Then I felt it sink after I realized...
My blades in her stomach.
And she's not going to heal.
She's dead.
I didn't look at the elves in the room with me. All was silent except for the noise of the plants, cooing and preening gently at my hair.
"That doesn't even begin to cover the hell I went through for the three years that I was in your world, Middle Earth," I finished.
Just then, there was a few raps at the door and gazes flickered over to the door.
A mirkwood guard entered. Upon seeing me, he froze as if he had glimpsed the eyes of Medusa.
"You..." he whispered.
Thranduil raised an eyebrow.
" You know her?"
There was five seconds of silence.
"She's the strange one I found three years ago in the forest, my Lord."
I knew this elf. I think.
"You... sound rather familiar," I said as I gazed at a shaken Mirkwood guard.
"And you are definitely familiar," the guard said in a whisper.
Thranduil had stood up from his chair and shared a gaze between the guard and I before his icy eyes tested on me.
"Three years ago, where did you go?"
"No offense King Eyebrows, but it's been a trying day for everyone. Ever wonder how I look like a fucking joker reject?"
I didn't wait for his answer, and he regarded me with confusion and anger.
"You'll find out one day, I promise. But for now, I need to sort my thoughts. So do you and everyone else."
He glowered at me and I returned the message.
" Fine." He spat.
He turned away, and the Mirkwood guard was given an order in silvan to follow.
I turned my gaze to Elrond.
"I am sorry that you saw what you did. Truly, I am." He looked at me, those soft chocolate eyes sleeping into my own star white irises. He reminds me of chocolate. I giggled at my thought. And then, everyone is looking at me like I am absolutely beyond mental help.
Elrond asks "What is funny?"
I contemplated my words.
"Well... Back in my world, we had this treat everyone liked. We, uh, called it chocolate..."
I looked at him and tried, and failed to diffuse the blush in my cheeks.
"You look like a bit of a hard ass, but really you're a sweetheart, as sweet as chocolate."
Elrond looked like he didn't know what to say.
Not in a good way, like he didn't understand me.
"A hard ass means someone who is harsh on others. Chocolate is sweet, like you. And, even if you'd have seen worse things in your life, I'm still sorry you saw what you did."
I tilted my head, and murmured, "I will always be sorry for that."
Galadriel and Celeborn had remained in the room and I now turned my gaze to them both.
"It wasn't my goal today, to spill my dirty laundry out for all to see. Frankly I'm surprised the both of you don't run screaming out the door from the insanity that is my life, and that being said... Thank you."
I must have either surprised or mortified them, as the emotion was plastered all over their faces.
I wasn't prepared for what they said next.
Celeborn looked as if someone up and took a shat in his breakfast. Galadriel looked even more shocked.
"You think that was your fault!?" They demanded.
"I held the blade as much as anyone else did at the time." I shrugged away their surprise.
I stood from my bed, nearly stumbling.
My joints cracked and snapped loudly. I reveled in the feeling of a good stretch. I made sure my long black cut up skirt was tied tightly, same with the knot of cloth that held my top together.
Both where really just rags. I turned around and found that Galadriel had come up from behind me as I'd seem stretching, her face set in a concerned way. I felt her trace one of my many scars.
"Brave one... there are so many scars here... Why do you not hide them?"
I expected to hear that question.
I knew that someone would one day ask why I don't hide my scars. I turned slowly back to the Lady Galadriel.
"I do not hide my scars because to do so would be to show weakness to those who gave me them." I paused, and thought again, more reasons of why.
"My scars mark me, but they do not make me. In a sense..." I'd paused to sit down carefully on the edge of the bed and Galadriel sat beside me. "In a sense, I'm somewhat proud of the scars, because it shows I live and I fight through it." I looked over to her at my side, my word...
Was that admiration I thought I saw cross her face?
I shook it away.
I don't mean to sound like an ass, but I don't want admiration or pity. I just want people to understand that scars always tell a story.
It may not be a good story, it might not have the happiest ending, but you live through it.
One day at a time.
Galadriel's voice cut me from my thoughts, "I just wanted an understanding. You know Thranduil is scarred himself, but he doesn't wish to speak about it."
It was then I understood.
Curiosity I can live with.
"I'm glad you asked, rather than stew over questions you want the answer to."
I turned and my eyes found a vacant chair. Elrond must have slipped away and I noticed that Celeborn was not within sight either.
"They both seem to have slipped away. I can't say it wasn't a wise choice." I mumbled.
Galadriel's light laugh came from behind me.
"Your suggestion to have us all breathe for a while is surprising, for you are young. No one expected words of such knowledge to come from you."
I laughed halfheartedly, almost humorlessly.
" With knowledge, sacrifice. With power, responsibility."
I could practically hear Galadriel's brow furrow as she deciphered my meaning.
I turned and found Galadriel by my room's door, about to depart.
"Do I remind you of anything from your world as well?" I found myself grinning.
"Yeah, you do. You and Celeborn both actually. You are like Yin and Yang, or even like the Gemini."
Galadriel was turned towards the doorway, but not enough to hide the light of curiosity from her eyes.
"Will you tell me in the morning what those are?"
I nodded, smiling. She lowered her gaze from me and left the room, the door clicked shut behind her.
I should be gloomy, unhappy, maybe even angry with discussing my past.
But... I'm elated.
It almost makes me ponder my sanity a little.
Shockingly, there were no screams in the early morning.
Thank Eru Illuvitar for that.
Legolas had trailed behind me at a slow pace, maintaining a respectful distance.
Everyone else is asleep at this time, save for myself.
And my son. Before we had left my chambers, Legolas had wanted to know why we where spying on the she-beast in the middle of the night.
In truth, I did not know entirely why.
But as a King, I have the pride of one. I'm not about to admit that I have no clue why I'm skulking about in the shadows of midnight. We stop at her door. I commanded Legolas to remain outside of the door in the hallway.
I doubted that I would need him nearby, but I have no room for error. I slip in her room quietly, and I can see her form shift slightly and I abruptly stop.
"Thranduil?"
Ah, Valar.
So much for sneaking in quietly.
Her form, silhouetted against the dark in the room, sits up.
"Where you even asleep?" I ask in a sultry tone.
She seems to ignore my comment, and asks "Do you blame me as well?"
I thought over it. No, I don't blame her, but I also do not know what it's like to be in a situation where your own parents are your worst nightmare.
" No, I cannot blame you, but I cannot entirely agree either."
This seems to surprise her, for the shadow of her form jerks slightly, then stills.
"It's a fair answer,"
She replied softly. I raised an eyebrow at her chuckling. I was going to ask what was so humorous to her, but she surprised me again.
"I can almost hear your left eyebrow go straight up."
My eye twitched.
"That is not funny."
She began to giggle, then added, "You're right, it's not funny, it's hilarious."
Barely a moment passed, my walls crumbled and I found myself laughing with her.
I tried to reign myself in then decided against the thought.
Perhaps... this visit isn't ruined after all?
-CONTINUING THRANDUIL POV-
I awoke from my sleep, feeling odd. I looked down, and was immediately able to determine why this was so. A slender scarred arm had laid itself across my chest.
It seems I had fallen asleep by her side, as we had been talking all night.
I was thankful for not drinking as much wine as I would have normally drank, because had I done so I would have most likely thought I did something rather scandalous last night.
And utterly panicked.
My cheeks turned a slight shade, and I could feel it. I practically jumped out of my skin when I heard her voice murmur, "Well, that's certainly something you don't see every day. The Elven King, with a blush on his face."
I looked down and saw those Star -white eyes, finding myself smiling at the sight of them.
I was even more pleased to see I was not the only one with shade of pink in my face.
