Her vision narrowed down to a pinprick of light, with Faith in the centre. Her lungs felt as though they were filled with mud, she couldn't seem to draw a breath. Dimly she heard Faith sobbing that she was done, never would she or Robin or the Cleveland group would ever be part of Giles' council again. Blood pounded in her ears, drowning out Faith's words. She blinked to clear her sight and saw Willow's lips moving, Giles gesturing, but still it was foggy.
But the entire room froze at the sound of Buffy's voice.
"Spike?" She looked in utter confusion at her Watcher and the Witch. "What is she talking about? Angel's dead?" Silence was deafening. The only sound registering was Faith's hiccupping sobs. Buffy looked at Giles and Willow. And she KNEW. Somehow, they knew everything Faith was talking about and worse, they knew BEFORE now.
For the first time in a year, Buffy felt her heart start to pound, her fear started to grow. No, she didn't want to know this. No no no...
Swallowing away the truth she could see on her Watcher's face, she looked to her friend, but Willow's face was a study in guilt and pride.
"I don't understand... I don't..." Buffy stuttered. She could feel her pulse pounding over her entire body.
Faith turned to her sister Slayer, comprehension slowly breaking through her own torment. Faith's sorrow momentarily overwhelming her rage as she watched Buffy's shocked face. But the Slayer herself couldn't take her eyes off the two standing in front of her. Willow was the first to speak into the choked silence.
"Sweetie, it was for the best. We decided that it would be better if we just didn't get involved, we couldn't trust Angel" But Buffy shook her head at the gushing witch, cutting her off midflow and looked at Giles.
"SPIKE?" At the look of disgust that crossed Giles face, she had her answer. "Oh. My. God, you KNEW he wasn't dead? You let me go on thinking all this time... but he wasn't...and YOU...?" Buffy felt her stomach heave.
"It wasn't appropriate back in Sunnydale and it wasn't appropriate now. I made the best decision.."
Buffy felt the first crack on the numbness that had been carrying her for the past year. She looked at Faith, now sobbing in Robin's arms and another crack appeared.
Buffy's look of confused pain cut his words off momentarily but he powered on. "...this 'thing' you think you had was wrong on all levels.."
Buffy shook her head in confusion.
Spike hadn't been dust at the bottom of a crater?
He had been with Angel?
Here in LA?
That thought caused a shaft of pain to stab through her chest. He had been HERE and they KNEW and they HID it from her. The pain spread and she clutched her chest and the numbness shattered, the bottled emotions roaring from their cage, freed at last.
Noooo!
She refused to believe it. Shook her head and clutched both hands to her aching chest. But the looks the two were trading made the lie she told herself vanish.
She could hear Willow gently explaining and Giles pompously lecturing, but it merely swirled around her head like flies on a hot day. Faith stood there, Robin's arm still wrapped around her, both of them watching, silent as they took in the agony that was radiating from Buffy's entire body.
Buffy didn't realise she had even moved until she felt someone grab her arm. Looking down, she saw Willow's hand grasping her sleeve.
"Buffy?" Buffy reared back as though Willow's touch was acid, yanking her arm away, a look of horror on her face. Willow stumbled, catching herself. Buffy watched as the hurt look transformed into one she had hoped she would never see again – the "I was doing the right thing" as seen from Willow's younger years.
She couldn't even bring herself to look at Giles. The man who had once been closer to her than her own father, was now someone who Buffy thought might make her vomit if she looked at him.
She turned and ran.
It was passed midnight by the time Buffy made it to the centre of LA. Hours had passed since she ran from the Compound. The Compound was situated on the outskirts of LA where mansions and huge home spreads were common. But it meant that getting to the heart of the city took time and usually a car. But she couldn't bring herself to stop running. Her body needed the outlet of movement to counter the agony screaming through her chest.
She tried to clutch at the comforting numbness, but it was gone. Leaving behind a seething cauldron of rage and grief. It twisted and ate away at her like a living thing in her chest. She concentrated on her ragged breathing and pounding feet as she ran. Streetlights flickered on above her and still she ran. Darkness gathered deeper and deeper between the islands of light and still she ran.
Then suddenly, she saw her destination. She hadn't thought of it, hadn't planned it, but she had come here anyway. Before her, dark even in the LA lit streets of the inner city was Angel's Hyperion. Buffy hadn't been back since they escaped Sunnydale. She didn't have a clear memory of the brief time they rested here before the Compound, but even Buffy could see that it was now deserted. The front doors that had welcomed them a year ago, were smashed and gaping, hanging from a single hinge each. As though ripped open by a giant hand.
A quick search revealed that the hotel was as empty as it appeared, the lower floors trashed, scorch marks and smashed plaster littering probably every flat surface. Brown and green splash marks screamed other things that Buffy was too familiar with. Outside, the destruction wasn't noticeable once you got away from the doors. Graffiti screamed 'vacant building', but that was about it. Buffy was about to circle the building when lights blinded her from the street. She straight away fell into a fighting position, feet spread, arms loose, fists up and ready.
The car slowed to a stop, Buffy lit up in the headlights and sat there idling. Just as Buffy was about to break and seek out the driver, the lights vanished and she was left blinking away spots.
"B?"
Faith. Buffy heard car doors open and slam and boot heels coming towards her. As her night-vision returned, she was able to see the dark slayer stop a few feet away. Rage still made its mark on the Cleveland Guardian, but now there was also sorrow and confusion. Minutes passed before either woman spoke, but true for the past year, it wasn't Buffy who spoke first.
"You really didn't know?" The question was quietly asked in a harsh whisper. Buffy's lips tightened in answer that Faith saw in the light of the city.
"I'm sorry B" Faith's sorry covered many things, all unspoken. Buffy nodded acknowledgement but kept her accustomed silence. At her glance at the alley to their left, Faith nodded. Briefly turning to wave once at the car, Buffy assumed Robin sat there, Faith then led the way to the alley. But she didn't stop at the mouth. Instead she motioned silently to Buffy and continued down the alley to the next one that fed off it.
Here, the destruction was so much clearer. Buffy knew, deep in her very soul, that here was where it had all taken place. It still rang out with supernatural energies, Buffy's senses were screaming at her. It was one huge scorch mark. Black as the pit of hell, with dried bloods and fluids visible here and there. Both Slayers just stood and despaired at the destruction surrounding them. The latest rains had done their bit in cleaning it up and other, less salubrious methods the city had for this kind of thing had also done their bit. Buffy had no idea of when it had gone down.
She turned to Faith, despair starting to overwhelm the raging grief.
Without even looking, Faith started her story.
She had heard about the battle once it was over. A half demon that had been working for the Cleveland Slayer had sought her out to tell her about the supernatural war. It had taken him two days to find her and by then, it was too late. But Faith and her team of Slayettes had raced to LA anyway, desperate to help the man who had inspired her to fight for herself.
They had arrived too late. Bricks had still been smoking when they arrived. A few demons here and there were damaged beyond their ability to heal and the Slayer had vented her fury on their corpses.
Slagged bricks and steaming blood got in their way, but the Slayettes got to work cleaning up what was left. As they neared their completion, a blue warrior appeared, her torn and bloodied armour testament to her participation in the battle. Illyria demanded to speak to Faith and told her what had happened. The betrayal of the Council, the loss of Gunn first, then Angel on the back of a dragon, Spike under a swarm of demons from the portals. How in her own rage at the loss of her companions, Illyria had somehow tapped into the last of her energy and stolen the lifeforce of every demonic creature in a 5 block radius, causing widespread deaths. Ending the battle as well.
She had forced closed the portals with the stolen energy and in her rage, forced open one to her home dimension. She was leaving this cursed place, her time here weakened her with companions and feelings. Refusing to believe the blue God, Faith sent out her Slayers to find anything, info or survivors but everything they discovered only confirmed the God's words. When it was confirmed that Giles had known about the Apocalypse and refused to even take Angel's call, was when Faith had lost it and raged into the Compound.
Buffy hadn't moved a single muscle in the telling. Rage choked her throat and squeezed her heart. Breath was impossible, she felt as though she was trying to breathe underwater.
But she could feel the truth in Faith words and it merely fed her fury. After a year of locking it away, it had bred and grown and now that it was free, it was almost eating her alive.
Suddenly turning from the destruction, she faced Faith and looked closely at the tired Slayer.
Her first words since leaving the compound visibly startled the dark haired Slayer.
"You knew Spike was alive?" Her voice toneless. Faith merely glanced briefly then looked back down the alley.
"B, I did, but it was his story to tell. Learnt that the hard way."
Buffy nodded her understanding at that. It didn't quell the fury though. Anger at everyone churned in her guts. Who else knew? Who else knew something that Buffy hadn't? She would have given anything, Anything to know it. Her life since Sunnydale had been dead. She had been a corpse existing solely on duty and expectation. No future had occurred to her other than the next training session, the next fight on patrol, the next apocalypse and eventually, her death.
Now she learned that her lover had been alive, well not dusty dead, and just a short drive away. Her first love and fellow fighter of evil had faced an apocalypse ALONE and he and his team had paid the ultimate price. Her 'friends' had yet again chosen what was best for her. Regardless of the past year of being told what to do, this felt like the ultimate betrayal.
All the past few years rushed through her mind. Years of being told what to do, what to be, who to love. Years of other people making choices for her, as though she was a stupid child, incapable of thought.
Red tinted her vision. Her fury grew. Faith glanced over and saw the once blank face of her sister slayer change to one she herself knew well. Rage. Hate. Faith waited, her own fury tempered by her grief and her vent, but she knew Buffy's was coming. This was a rage too furious to ignore and brush away and she knew it. She knew that Buffy was no longer the automaton she had been for the past year. All the denials, the brush-offs, the pure bullshit that Giles and Willow had been feeding Faith on the few occasions she had been to LA was now going to bite them in the ass. And there was no way Faith was going to miss this. She had gone there to do some destruction on the sanctimonious assholes that Giles and the Council had become again. She hadn't ruled out killing Giles, even if she knew that Angel would have said something about her redemption. Look where that had gotten Angel. For all his fight, he had been betrayed.
After some minutes had passed and Faith was starting to twitch. She needed to move, fight, kill something. She wasn't meant to stand still and all these emotions needed an outlet NOW. Just as she was about to say something, anything, Buffy moved.
"I need answers" and strode off.
"You coming?" She threw over her shoulder as she left the alley.
'No place I'd rather be, B' Faith thought and followed quickly.
