"Are you ok?"

"Hmm?" I glanced up at Cas, lifting my head off his chest.

Cas frowned down at me, his fingers temporarily stopping the swirling pattern they were rubbing onto my back.

"Are you ok?" he repeated.

I shrugged and settled down again. "I'm fine. Keep rubbing."

Cas gave a snort of amusement, but did as I ordered.

"You seem tired though."

"I've had a long day."

Cas sighed, and I almost giggled. Almost.

"You know that's not what I mean," he stated.

I rose, sitting with crossed legs next to him on the motel bed.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked. "That I'm ok with the fact that I now have a giant, supernatural target on my head? Believe me, I'm not, but currently there's not much I can do about it. So right now, yes, I'm fine. I'm fine because there's no one actively trying to kill me, and because we finally have a night together, and because, up until a minute ago, I was getting a really nice back rub. Ok?"

Cas frowned. "But that's not healthy," he objected. "You were distraught earlier. You barely spoke during dinner. Talk to me."

"I was not distraught."

"You certainly weren't fine."

I scowled. "To be fair, I had just delivered a baby."

Cas gave me a look. "Lucy, you're still upset. Please, talk to me. Don't hide from me."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"There's not much to talk about," I stated. "You already know what happened." For a moment I sat quietly, pouting into thin air. Cas watched me silently, upset echoed in the lines around his mouth as he frowned, in the darkness in his eyes.

"I just- I just don't get it," I blurted. "I didn't help him kill Bess, so I'm a bad person? Really?"

Cas sighed, pushing himself into a sitting position with his back against the headboard. "Angels don't see gray areas," he said slowly. "To them, a person is either good or evil. We tend to think that anything of supernatural origin is evil. It's the way it's always been. Our first instinct is to kill."

I frowned. "But you don't think that."

Cas shook his head. "I used to. Dean and Sam taught me there is more to look at to a person than whether or not they're human. I used to be very cold hearted."

"I know," I whispered. "I saw on that show I watched. I forgot about that."

Cas stayed silent. I looked over at him. He was frowning into thin air, probably remembering lives he had taken and wondering if their deaths were really necessary.

"Hey." I jostled his arm. "That's not you anymore. There's a reason I forgot about that. Because I look at you now, look at the person you've become, and I don't see any darkness. You're a good person, Cas. The best."

Cas broke out of his reverie and smiled at me. Love swirled in his sapphire eyes.

"So are you," he said.

He cupped my cheek in his, bringing my mouth to his in a kiss. I let myself melt into it, shoving my new worries out of my mind and falling into our passion.

At the end of the kiss we stayed where we were, our foreheads brushing, our breaths softly caressing each other's faces.

"If this is what my siblings think is wrong for me," Cas said softly. "If this is bad, then I don't care. I don't care if they think you're wrong for me. Because sometimes, the only thing I know is you. Your touch. Your voice. The way you make me feel- no one else can do that. I love you, Lucy Greene. And if that's not right, then nothing is."

I smiled against him.

"I love you too."

We kissed again. It started as a gentle kiss, and then it grew in fervor. I felt Cas run his hands up my arms and down my sides, memorizing the feel of me. I wrapped my arms around him and clung to him like there was no tomorrow.

It wasn't until his fingers started fumbling with the top button of my shirt that I pulled back.

"I can't," I gasped. I shifted off of Cas, ignoring how every fiber of my being was screaming at me to return to him. "I can't. Not now. Not yet."

Cas nodded. He looked disappointed, but he quickly cleared it off his face.

"Of course," he said.

I stood, feeling awkward and embarrassed and still wanting to run back to him. I paced around, running a hand through my hair and ignoring the way Cas's eyes followed me.

"I'll be back," I said suddenly. "I need some air."

Cas sprung to his feet as I headed for the door.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," he objected. "You're not safe alone."

I rolled my eyes. "I can handle myself. I'll be back in a few minutes."

With that I bolted out of the room and into the cool night air, all but slamming the door behind me. I didn't have to look back to know that Cas was watching me go from the window.

As soon as I was a short distance away I dug my phone out of my pocket, fingers fumbling as I pulled up the number I wanted. It took a couple of rings, but then Mia answered.

"Hello? Lucy?"

"Hey." At the sound of her voice- the voice of someone normal, someone separate from my insane life- I started to relax. I sat on the curb, taking a moment to scan around me to make sure I was alone.

"What's up?" asked Mia. "You sound stressed."

I snorted. "You could say that." I shook my head. "But that's not important. I need a distraction. What's up with you?"

Mia laughed. "Not much. I've got a huge paper due next week. You probably don't want to hear about it."

"No, no. I do. Tell me."

There was a pause. Mia was probably on the other end of the phone wondering what weird shit I'd gotten caught up in now that was prompting this. She apparently chose not to comment, instead launching into an explanation of her paper and its difficulties. A good half of what she said was grouching about having to write it to begin with. I listened to every detail, laughing at her and offering advice. I even gave her a few stories about some of the more annoying projects I'd had to do back when I was in school.

Of course, that got me thinking about my world. About my family. Who I would never see again.

It didn't take long for me to make up an excuse about why I had to get off the phone. I wasn't sure if Mia saw through it, but she let me go. For a good ten minutes I sat on the sidewalk, fingering my phone, trying to sort through the swirl of thoughts and emotions in my head.

I was still sitting there, still trying to sort through it all when Cas came to find me.

"Lucy?" he asked.

I glanced up. "Hey."

Cas gave me a small smile, sitting on the curb a few feet away. Neither of us said anything, but a minute later I slid over so he could wrap an arm around me.

"I'm sorry I ran out like that earlier," I said softly.

Cas pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "It's fine," he assured me. "You needed your space." He paused. "You're still upset. Do you want me to leave?"

I shook my head. "No. Stay."

Cas nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. For a good ten seconds silence fell over us.

"I miss my family," I blurted.

Cas remained quiet, but his hand started rubbing my back again.

"How do you think they are?" I asked. "Do you think they'll ever recover? Will they stop looking for me?"

Cas sighed. "I don't know," he admitted. "I think it'll be hard for them. It always will be. As time goes on the pain will be less, but it will return at times."

"I know." I blinked back tears. "I figured. I abandoned them."

"No. You didn't." Cas pressed me against him, as if hoping that would help comfort me. "You didn't choose to get trapped here. That choice was taken away from you."

I sniffled. "Yeah, but if I had had a choice. If I could do it over again, knowing the consequences of going with you, knowing I'd get stuck here- I'd still do it. I would give them up. And I hate that, and I hate myself for it, but I would still do it. And it kills me."

Tears were sliding down my face as my voice broke. I brushed them away, but within moments more were there. After a moment I simply turned into Cas and buried my face in his chest, sobbing.

I poured it all out. All the grief, all the anger, all the guilt I'd felt over the past year. I sobbed it out, forced it out through gurgling, half choked noises that wrenched their way up my throat.

Throughout all of it, Cas said nothing. He simply sat there, his arms wrapped around me, his fingers occasionally rubbing soothing circles on my back. When my crying finally subsided he didn't pull away, he just sat there until I had regained composure of myself.

"I'm so-"

"Don't." Cas tilted my head back until I could look him in the eyes. "Don't apologize, Lucy. Never apologize."

I nodded and pulled Cas into a hug. When I pulled away again we were back in the motel room, sitting on the bed we had recently vacated. Without speaking we automatically shifted position so that we were lying down again, me curled into a ball against Cas's side.

"What does it mean that I barely think of them anymore?" I asked. "I haven't thought about them in months. Not really."

Cas sighed above me and tucked his chin on top of my head.

"It means you've moved on. Not in a bad way. You haven't forgotten them. You never will. But there is more to your life than your grief. You know that, and so you've moved on."

I nodded. It made sense. It didn't make me feel any better, but it made sense.

Cas seemed to realize this. He also seemed to realize there was nothing he could do at this point, so he quickly changed the topic.

"Are we going to see Bobby tomorrow?" he asked.

I nodded. "Unless you need to get back to heaven."

Neither of us spoke for a moment. We knew he needed to. We also knew it just wasn't happening for a couple of days.

"He's a beautiful child," Cas said.

I nodded. "He is. I'm going to enjoy spoiling him."

Cas chuckled. "You may have to fight Dean over that."

I snickered. "I'd win. He's my godson."

"Our godson," Cas corrected.

I grinned.

"What does the term godparent mean?" asked Cas.

I shrugged. "I think it's a promise that we're going to be present in the little bugger's life; make sure he gets a good religious education specifically. Also, I think in old times, before there was things like courts and official papers saying who gets the kid, if something happens to the parents, the godparents take in their children."

"So if something happens to Bess and Garth, Bobby becomes our child?" asked Cas.

I peered up at him. "You planning to off them so we can take the baby?"

Cas looked horrified. "No! I would never! Stop snickering, that is an awful joke!"

I pressed my lips together to cut off my laughs. "Cheer up."

Cas harrumphed.


The next day we took our time getting up. We were all exhausted from the day before, so we slept in before going to the hospital. Bess and Garth were just checking out when we arrived, Garth pushing Bess and Bobby, who were in a wheelchair, to their car. We followed them back to their house, where we found Bess's family waiting. Overnight they had finished preparations for Bobby's room. The paint we had picked out had been applied, and though the scent of it was heavy in the air, Reverend Myers assured me that within a few days it would fade, and Bobby would be able to sleep in there.

"We brought these," I said. "Cas and I popped by the store this morning, picked them up." I held out the bags of baby supplies that we'd gotten. They were all things that Bess had bought yesterday, but had lost in the attack.

The Reverend gave me a warm smile. "Thank you. Let's put them away. Then we can join the others for breakfast."

I nodded eagerly. None of us had eaten that morning, having been invited to eat brunch with the Myers. I was starving.

It took about ten minutes to put everything away. We left most of the clothes and blankets lying on the furniture, as Reverend Myers insisted Bess and Garth would want to put it away to their liking later. When we got downstairs we found everyone else waiting at a large table piled with various breakfast foods. There were eggs, waffles, pancakes, fruit, toast, and ham steaks cooked to varying levels of doneness, and pitchers of water, milk, and various juices ready to pour.

"Wow," I said. "It's like Thanksgiving without the turkey."

Dean chuckled and pulled me into a chair. I took a moment to reach over and tickle Bobby where he was in a small cradle next to the table.

"How're you feeling?" I asked Bess.

She gave me a smile as she reached for a large bowl of strawberries. "Tired and hungry. I really hate hospital food."

I laughed and took the bowl as she passed it to me. "Yeah, it's pretty awful."

"When have you been in a hospital?" asked Sam.

I shrugged. "I had pneumonia when I was a kid. Had to spend the weekend in the hospital."

Dean's eyes widened. "How bad was it?"

I took a moment to think back. "Well, I got sick Friday afternoon, went to the doctor Saturday morning. Nearly passed out trying to walk down the stairs of my house. That was fun." I ignored the horrified looks I was getting from around the table. "Got to the doctors, and was immediately told to high tail it to the hospital."

"That sounds bad," commented Cas.

I nodded. "Yeah. But I got over it. So you don't need to move Bobby away from me Garth."

Slowly, Garth slid Bobby's cradle back to where it had been. Next to him Bess giggled and patted his hand.

"So, Lucy."

I grimaced at the tone to the Reverend's voice. It wasn't quite accusatory, but it wasn't quite happy either.

"Yes?" I asked. I looked toward him, and barely saw Garth and Bess shoot him warning looks from the corner of my eye.

"I feel we should talk about the events of yesterday." The Reverend waited for me to reluctantly nod my consent before continuing. "I've been informed that you were attacked by an angel who doesn't seem to approve of your and Cas's relationship. Is that correct?"

I sighed, and then nodded. "Apparently. They think I'm a bad influence on him."

"Why?" asked Garth.

I swept a look around the room, making sure I made eye contact with every werewolf in there. "For not killing you."

"And for other things," piped in Cas. "Some of my siblings seem to feel that I have been neglecting my heavenly duties as of late. They think there is a correlation between this and my relationship with Lucy."

"Is there?" I asked.

Cas slanted me a look, and I shrugged.

"Hey, I'm just curious," I defended. "Plus, while I love that you love me so much, you probably shouldn't go a-wall at your job. It seems to tick them off."

Dean snorted. Sam tried to hide a snicker. Cas didn't look amused.

"Is there a chance these other angels will attempt harm on you again?" asked the Reverend. "Or on us?" He gave Cas a skeptical look, clearly reevaluating his earlier excitement about there being an angel in his family.

I sighed. "On me, most likely. On you, I have no idea. They might. I would be careful, just in case. But I feel like their focus is on me."

Cas nodded. "It is. But there are many angels, and our memories aren't short. They might just make time for someone to come for you."

"So what do we do?" asked Bess. "We can't live in fear."

"Anti-angel wards," Garth suggested. "We can paint them all around the houses, on the ceilings of the cars. In our offices at work."

Bess raised an eyebrow. "Won't that be conspicuous?"

"There are ways to do it that won't draw attention to them," Sam said. "Paint the symbols on the floor and put a carpet over them. On the walls and cover with wallpaper."

"But that'll keep Cas out," objected Garth.

Cas looked calmly at him. "It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make," he stated. "Your safety is more important."

He received grateful nods and smiles from around the table, and I squeezed his hand lovingly.

"We can teach you emergency things," Dean added. "There's a symbol that if you paint it and then press your hand against it, will immediately get rid of any angels in your presence. But it's got to be painted with blood."

The Reverend grimaced. "I would rather not," he stated.

"No one would," Bess countered. "But as a last resort, I would rather know it."

The Reverend slowly nodded.

"It's ironic," he mused. "My entire life I have prayed to see angels on earth, have always thought I would rejoice to be brought into the presence of one. Now I must ban them from my house, and keep them from the church that I have invited them into for over thirty years."

I grimaced. "I'm sorry." I looked around the room, forcing myself to meet everyone's eyes. "I'm sorry to have brought this on you all. I never wanted to."

Bess's eyes softened, and she reached out to touch my hand. I resisted the urge to yank away.

"It's not your fault," she soothed. "We knew about your problem before we invited you here; we didn't know all the information we know now, but we knew there was danger."

"And either way," piped in Garth. "It's not your fault that all this is happening. You're the victim here. You don't have to apologize for anything. Ok?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

"Well." Dean clapped his hands and stood. "Now that we've had that cheery conversation, can someone pass the ham?"

The ham was slowly passed. Gradually the conversation returned to normal, though I could still feel people watching me throughout breakfast. I leaned against Cas's side, fiddled with my eggs, and tried not to think about the chaos that was quickly enveloping my life.

It didn't work.