Loving the reviews, thank you all so so so much! They certainly keep the ideas and drive going, even the harsh ones!

Okay here's my first try ever! at writing some smut. It's only a little and honestly, not that great, but I tried, lol! But you have been warned at least :)


She deserved it, she told herself. She should have expected nothing else. What other choice was there? She had no call on him, no attachment to keep him there. If he wanted to get away from her, she would honour that choice, hell she couldn't blame him in the slightest. After all, his life with her had been a literal hell for him.

Her breath caught in her throat and she could feel the panicking feeling growing in her chest. Oh god, she had to get out of there, she couldn't let him see her break. It wasn't fair on him.

'His choice, I have to honour his choice'. The thought reverberated around and around her mind as she struggled to focus on his words, to keep herself together.

"...Slayer?"

"Huh?" She blinked, forcing Spike back into focus, her heart feeling as though it was going to jump from her chest and race off into the night.

Spike's eyes swept Buffy's whole body and back to her face before rolling in exasperation. He got up and stepped over the destroyed coffee table crate and squatted in front of the shaking, almost hyperventilating Slayer and took her sweating hands in his cool ones.

"Oh you daft bint. What's going on in that head of yours, huh?" A cool hand came up and swept a rogue hair back behind her ear. Buffy felt as though she couldn't drag in any air. He was being nice. Being nice before you dumped someone forever was standard, wasn't it?

"Buffy! Breathe you stupid girl!" Spike snapped, a bit of panic showing in his voice. The shock of the snap caused Buffy to suck in a breath and huff it out. Spike's curls swayed in the resulting breeze and the panic drained from Spike's face immediately.

"Again, Slayer" So again she sucked in a breath and exhaled lustily. Once she had done that a few times, Spike stood smoothly and tugged her to her feet, sat in her spot and settled the still upset Slayer on his lap. Once he had her how he wanted her, her head on his shoulder, her nose tucked into his neck and her curled up on his lap, he wrapped his own arms around her and hugged tight. He rested his head on top of hers and breathed in her scent of vanilla and peach.

"I lost you there, pet. Wanna tell this ole vamp what happened?"

Buffy shook her head and buried her face in his throat, her arms wrapping around his waist, hiding from the world if only for a few minutes of peace.

"Come on luv, can't hide there forever now..."

"I can, I'm the queen of hiding away from shit I don't like..." she murmured. She could feel his quiet laugh rumble through his chest and his arms tightened their hug momentarily.

"Ah pet, never knew a finer example than you." He jokingly agreed.

They sat there until Buffy's heart calmed and her panic drifted away. Buffy spent every millisecond forcing herself to catalogue every feeling, every scent, every movement, so that when he was gone, she could pull out this memory and hold it close.

After a while, Spike nudged the slayer on his lap.

"Not that I'm not enjoying myself here Slayer, but I'm still waiting for an explanation for that panic attack you had brewing."

Reluctant to leave the little corner of heaven that was Spike's neck, Buffy frowned and muttered.

"It wasn't a panic attack."

Spike smiled at feeling the frown on the tiny blonde's face against his throat.

"Uh huh..."

Buffy ignored him for a heartbeat or two, then reluctantly sat up, tucking her arms from around him to around her waist.

"I don't want to say. Saying it makes it seem like I am trying to blackmail you into staying and I'm not, I swear I'm not. New Buffy remember? New Buffy that lets people do what they want and need to without resorting to blackmail and abuse to get what she wants..." She wanted to duck her head and hide away, but the steel she had developed in her spine lately refused to allow her to. She instead sat straight and looked the vampire in the eye.

"I understand Spike. I wish you all the best and know that if you ever need a friend, that I would be honoured if you thought of me." She fought her panic down this time and felt a well of pride when she managed to do just that.

"Huh? What the fuck Slayer? You kicking me out?" The look on Spike's face had Buffy feeling all types of confused.

"Isn't... wasn't that what you were saying before? How we are different people now, grown in different ways and time to head off on our own paths, yada yada..."

"God Slayer, you could have turned me to dust and shocked me less. No you daft bint. Ya think I would 'ave ya on me lap all snugly if I was planning on 'oofing it?"

Buffy shook her head, confusion still clear.

"American Spike, I speak American."

With a mutter about Queen's English and declining literacy he grabbed her face with both hands.

"Is THIS clearer for ya, ya crazy cow?"

His lips were as heavenly as she had remembered. Cool and firm, they pressed gently against hers and Buffy swore her heart actually skipped a beat. She felt his tongue nudge, asking for entrance and without thought, she swept her own tongue out and stoked his. One of his hands slid into her hair, holding her to him as he sipped at her lips. His other hand caressed down her neck, stopping briefly on the pulse point on her neck and then continuing down her shoulder then her arm until it skipped over and rested on her hip. Buffy's hands found his chest and she gripped the fabric there, feeling the muscles beneath flex as they held each other and kissed.

From there, lips nibbled and tongues tangled and it was as though every kiss before had been practice for this one. Emotions that had never been permitted before now swelled in the caress between them. Buffy's hand was soon gripping the back of Spike's hair as well and she directed the kiss deeper, trying to say in action what she felt her words had been lacking.

She wriggled around until she was straddling the curly haired vampire, her knees each side of his hips. Both his hands were now on her hips and both hers were in his hair as she held him to her. Breaking away desperately, as her ignored lungs screamed for oxygen, she threw her head back gasping as Spike's tongue burned its way down her throat, stopping to suck a bruise on her tan skin here and there. When she felt his blunt human teeth scraping at the skin, she froze, desire slamming into her like a runaway freight train carrying ten tonne boulders. She could feel her panties suddenly drench as her body screamed YES in lust!

Belatedly, she realised that Spike had frozen too and was muttering to himself.

"Right... right... forgot for a sec. Let me self get all caught up in the fairy tale, 'eh."

Her hands convulsively clutched him to her as she felt him trying to put space between them, her head already shaking a negative. As soon as there was a breath of space between them, the scent of Buffy's arousal hit her nose and she knew that without a doubt he scented it too as he froze motionless.

For a few seconds, neither moved. Not a breath even.

"Spike?" Her whispered, wavering question was almost nothing but air. But it was enough for the demon hearing.

"You want this Buffy? Me 'n' You? Truly?" Buffy could feel the tiny tremors in the body that held her.

Her answer was to move both their heads until they were meeting eye-to-eye.

"I want this... I want YOU, more than anything in this big world I keep saving. I'm not scared of you or your demon. I wasn't scared when you kissed my neck, you big dummy." She grabbed his hand from her hip and pushed it down into the front of her jeans, past her panties and left it there, left it for him to choose.

After a heartbeat, she felt his long fingers slide down and gently glide through the moisture gathered there. An inhaled gasp and increase in Spike's tremors told Buffy he was feeling overwhelmed. But his fingers continued their gentle exploration and all she could do was lower her head to his shoulder, tuck her nose against his throat and breathe in the soul-calming scent that was uniquely Spike.

Cool fingers slid over and around, spreading her wetness from peak to valley but never delving any deeper.

She groaned as her frustration rose and she found herself grinding down on his hand, trying to get his hand where it could do the most pleasure. It wasn't until she heard an answering groan that she realised, quite obviously if the bulge in his jeans was any indication, that he was as turned on as she was. With his hand between them, everytime she ground down, she forced his hand to rub against her folds and his cock. With a wicked smile hidden by Spike's neck, she started rotating her hips grinding down on the passes over his hand and by extension, his cock.

Heat flooded her from scalp to toes but gathered deep in her womb. She could feel the slick of her arousal pouring from her as Spike kept his hand caressing her folds. But no matter how hard she ground down, he was one heartbeat ahead of her always and managed to keep his fingers from dipping where she desired them most.

Frustration built almost as quickly as her desire did until she was biting back more screams of frustration than passion.

Her breath was panting fast against Spike's neck and she could feel the vampire's unneeded respirations matching her own. Buffy's tongue trailed from where his neck joined his shoulder up to his ear and she let the wet muscle play with the sensitive lobe. A full body shudder of the hard body under her told her that she was definitely on the right track. But STILL he refused to let his fingers breach her lower lips. A peek from the corner of her eye showed the strain it was taking on his features and some of her frustrations settled. Head thrown back, resting on the back of the couch, his eyes screwed shut and his lips pulled back in a slight snarl. His expressive eyebrows that she loved so much were drawn in tight. At least he was as affected as her, she just had to break him down that Little...Bit...More.

With an evil grin the likes which even Spike had never seen on the Slayer's face, she drew her nose down his so sensitive neck, revealing in the shudders she was drawing from him. Her hips were still grinding and swaying almost of their own volition now.

She got to the join of shoulder and neck and oh so very gently licked and placed soft kisses at that sensitive point.

Buffy waited as she timed the sway of her hips with her kisses. Struggling with the lust clouding her mind, she counted it out and suddenly she struck.

Her blunt human teeth sank into the skin of Spike's neck as her hips ground down ferociously on his cock and hand.

A roar echoed around the warehouse as Buffy was held down while he thrust up sharply, his hand in her panties slipped from the force and finally pressed firmly against her throbbing clit. Buffy threw her own head back and gasped her own sudden climax, her scream caught in her throat, every muscle clenched tight. Another sharp upwards thrust and Buffy felt her eyes roll back into her head as her climax continued to light her up.

She slowly came back to herself and found that she was slumped across a gasping Spike, his fingertips just inside her panties, the back of his hand resting against her stomach. She could feel their combined juices soaking through both their jeans and as she sighed, Buffy could feel the squish of her spendings between her folds.

Spike's chest slowly went from heaving to his 'normal' form of breathing and the hand that had been at her hip was now gently stroking Buffy's spine up and down and back again. She shifted slightly and from the tickly ache at her hips, knew that she would have finger tip shaped bruises there from the force of his grip and she saddened that her Slayer healing would erase them by tomorrow.

"Soooo, one new thing I learnt, Spike has a biting kink."

Buffy smiled into Spike's shoulder as the laugh rumbled in his chest. This was now one of her most favourite places in the whole world, her nose tucked up against the skin of his throat. A kiss to her hair had her snuggling closer than ever.

"Well, 'course pet, vampire 'nd all yeah?"

They enjoyed each other in peace for a long while, just resting as they had been when they came down from their high. Inside the warehouse was now silent and the noises from outside the warehouse barely impinging on them. It wasn't until Buffy's mobile phone started ringing its tune of Hot 'N Dangerous that they stirred. Buffy stretched and grasped the phone by her fingertips, reluctant to leave her spot against Spike's chest.

"Faith" Buffy was immediately business, even if her fingers continued to stroke her vampire.

"Yo B, it safe to come in now?" Faith's outright laugh caused Buffy's face to redden as she realised that the other Slayer must be standing outside the warehouse. Buffy could make out some of the Free Rangers chatting in the background and with a quick sweep of her eyes, saw that there was not a single other soul inside.

"Oh god..." Mortified, Buffy threw the mobile away, Faith's laughter sounding tinny from the speaker and clearer from the door of the warehouse. Blushing feverishly, Buffy scrambled off Spike's lap, grimacing at the feeling of way more than just damp panties and jeans. Spike's slow grin merely made the blush feel more like a bushfire on her face. She glanced down at his lap and felt as though all the blood in her entire body was now in her cheeks. The damp dark blue crotch against the lighter blue of his dry legs was testament to what had just happened.

With her courage now completely burned away thanks to the fire in her cheeks, she spun and raced to her pod, the door slamming against the side as she threw it open.

Spike's jaw dropped as she left him sitting there, but it was quickly slammed shut as she thrust her head back through the door.

Hissing at him, she frantically motioned to him to come to her.

"Spike, get your ass in here NOW!" with that she was gone again.

Spike lay on the double bed in the pod as he waited for Buffy to finish in the shower. Once he had followed her into the pod, he had been thrust unceremoniously into the bathroom and told to shower and be quick. While he had finished and was getting redressed in the main room of the pod, Buffy had disappeared into the steamy bathroom herself.

Spike could hear others in the sitting area, Angel's deep voice along with Faith's husky voice laughing at times. Free Rangers could again be heard patrolling around the perimeter again as well. He chuckled. Seems like some things were still the same at least. But his chuckle died away as he thought about the horror he had seen on Buffy's face at the realisation that others had heard their 'activities'. Was it an indicator of what this relationship was going to be? Was it going to replay the disaster that had been their 'relationship' previously? Spike felt his heart harden. No. Nothing would entice him or make him relive that time. He would dust first. He deserved better. SHE deserved better.

So it was a shock to Buffy to walk out of the bathroom and see a scowling Spike laying on her bed, fists clenched and eyebrows drawn.

Without pausing, she dumped her soiled clothes on the floor and with a sweeping step, was at the side of the bed in a heartbeat. Another beat found her sprawled across him, her chin resting in one hand on his chest and the other stroking the scar in his eyebrow.

"Did I ever tell you that the first time I saw you, I thought this scar was the sexiest thing I had ever seen? I just wanted to reach up and kiss it, even while you were telling me you were going to kill me."

"I am a sexy bastard, but you were only what? 15? Slaaaayer!" he was quick to smirk and tucked his tongue behind his teeth as he grinned up at her. But Buffy could see that whatever had upset him, was still there behind the grin.

"Uh huh. Then at the school, you gave me the best fight I had had in my life. I knew then that you were going to be a challenge for me." She grinned as well and leaned up to press a kiss to his lips. But she was still able to catch the flash of emotion across his face.

She took her time sipping at his lips, not letting the fire escape her control this time. Little pressing kisses, like teenagers with their first brush with love, were all that Buffy did. While he returned her attentions in the same manner, she could feel that the tension in his body had not lessened.

When she leaned up and met his eyes again, she could finally see that he had shuttered himself off slightly. Although looking at him, others wouldn't have noticed, Buffy just knew.

What she didn't know was why or what had triggered it.

One more buss and she sat up and started to put her boots back, subtly glancing through the fall of hair at her vampire's face as he still lay on the bed.

"Well it sounds like Angel and Faith are both here, better head on out and find out anything new." Brushing her hands on her thighs, she stood and waited at the door, looking at the reclining vampire who was now propped up on his elbows as he watched her move about the pod.

Buffy couldn't take it anymore. Stepping back to the bed, she ran her fingers through Spike's long curls and watched as his eyes shuttered closed in bliss.

"Spike, ' she whispered, 'what's wrong?"

He froze for a 100th of a millisecond, she wouldn't have even noticed if she didn't have all her attention focussed directly on him. But it was enough to have her sitting by his hip and placing both her hands on either side of his face. Her thumbs stroked his cheekbones without conscious thought, simply drawn there everytime they got close.

He leant into her caress as he always did and then turned and placed an open mouth kiss to the palm of her left hand.

"Ah pet, just ghosts in the shadows, don't mind me, k?" He smiled at her and shifted them both until they were standing. "Just like you luv, got a bit to work through myself, but don't you stress 'bout it. Now go'on, let's get out there."

Buffy watched as Spike threw open the pod door once more and strode out cockily, calling hellos to Angel and Faith as he crossed the communal area. As Buffy stuck her own head out, she could see that Faith and Angel were sitting side by side on one of the couches, backs on angles to the armrests and facing each other. Faith had her feet up on Angel's lap and he was absently rubbing her ankle above her combat boots. Other than a raised eyebrow in Faith's direction, which the brunette slayer caught with a cheeky grin, a wink and a wiggle of her eyebrows, Buffy said nothing about it.

She was planning her own offensive. She had a fair idea of what might be going through the curly haired vampire's mind. It was probably what flittered through hers briefly, but knowing how Spike was, how deeply he felt, she just knew it would be harder hitting with him.

So she watched as he settled himself on the couch opposite Angel and Faith. He sat sprawled, as though he wanted to take up all the available space on the couch, legs wide and arms along the back of the couch. But Buffy could see that there was just enough room that she could sit if she wanted, but not enough that made it obvious he was 'saving' her a seat. She hid her smile behind a fake hair tuck as she shut the pod door and walked the few steps to the couch area.

She cleared her throat and blushed slightly when Faith fake coughed *coughslutcough* but laughed as well, knowing the other Slayer meant not a skerrick of harm in the joking. Without even looking, she mock cuffed Spike on the back of his head and using her knee, shoved him over and plonked herself next to him. She threw a leg over his knee, leaned against him and wriggled comfortably under his arm as she addressed Angel and Faith as though it was something she did every day.

She had gotten him back, against all odds, against even the laws of the freaking universe. She'd be vamped and dusted and damned well resurrected yet AGAIN before she let him go! This was the first step towards making sure he knew it, that those around her knew it and eventually, the whole damn world knew it!

Faith and Angel didn't even blink. But the vamp beside her seemed to be made of stone he was so still. Subtly, she laid the hand closest to him on his thigh and with the other, made it look like she was just resting it across her stomach. As her fingers brushed his side, she pinched.

Calmly looking up at his flinch, she widened her eyes to appear as innocent as possible and smiled softly. She stretched her head up and cautiously he lowered his head until Buffy's mouth was so close to his ear that her breath tickled his cheek.

On a whisper as quiet as a breath of air in a strong wind, she let him know.

"Always yours."

Startled blue eyes blinked down at her. Spike tilted his head and quirked one eyebrow and Buffy merely smiled softly, her hand on his thigh gently squeezed. Then, as though she hadn't just rocked his understanding of undisputable facts like fire hot, water wet, and now Buffy claiming him publicly, she turned back to the others and asked about their evening.

But in her heart, she felt the stab of pain at the reminder of everything she had put him through, but then ruthlessly pushed it away. Time, all she needed was time and she would show him that never again would she hurt such a precious gift as his heart. She only hoped that she hadn't hurt him so much that she couldn't even get the chance.

So she gripped him with her hand and kept him pressed against her and talked with the few friends she had left that she trusted.