Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any affiliated characters. I just happened to come up with the plot for this ship. All credit to J.K for her amazing universe that she allows us to play in.
Warning: Rated M. Cursing, sexual innuendos, lemons and fluff ahead.
My beta is Grammarly, so all mistakes are my fault. I apologize.
Music is my muse:
Song for this chapter: Will Be Loved, Maroon 5
Lyric: Look for the girl with the broken smile.
Aftermath
Chapter Two:
To Be a Friend
Theo had been watching her for about thirty minutes before she had pulled herself out of her near trance and looked over at him.
It had then been three minutes before she had looked up at him again after she had broken her perusal of him.
He had lasted about three minutes after that before he had strolled over to her.
Now he was waiting for her to respond, it had been clear from her gasp that up close she had finally recognized him. But she hadn't given any indication if that was a good or bad thing that she knew who he was. Instead, they just sat there, watching each other carefully.
Theo's expression, of course, was guarded, as it always was. Hermione's was an open book though; surprise, weariness, what could be attraction, and then finally back to surprised weariness. It amazed him really, how wonderfully expressive her eyes were. She would have never survived in the dog eat dog world of pureblood politics he had grown up in. The first thing you were taught from the cradle was to hide your emotions. Emotions could get you in a lot of trouble.
Tentatively she confirmed her knowledge of his identity. "Nott? Theodore Nott?"
Theo inclined his head and gave a soft smile. "That would be me."
She nodded and then said in a bit of a whisper. "You've changed."
He smirked and leaned back, not looking at her but instead looking out at the pond. "I have," he acknowledged.
He had grown rather a lot and gained a lot of muscle since she had last seen him. He had also finally gotten a decent hair cut and learned to dress properly. But mostly it was his added height that attracted the women now. And his near perfect aristocratic bone structure; he had his mother to thank for that. His eyes as well, come to think of it. Although most purebloods had blue eyes, his were a startling deep azure instead of a paler blue or gray.
"Like what you see?" He asked glancing back to see that she was still gaping at him.
Her mouth slammed shut and she flushed a deep pink. "I am sure you know that you're very handsome." She said in her soft direct way.
Theo grinned. "You've changed a bit too, Granger."
She let out a small breath and then said. "Oh, my name is Hermione, for goodness sakes, Theo. Unless you want me calling you Mr. Nott."
He winced and sat up. "Hard pass on that, love."
He saw her smirk a bit and then sighed. "What are you doing here?"
Theo looked around and shrugged. "Interesting story actually."
"Oh?"
He nodded not looking at her. "Last year I took a walk of shame home around noon and cut through this park, and on a bench, I saw a beautiful woman in a black suit who looked rather familiar." He saw her sit up and he gave a half smile. "But she was in muggle clothes and sitting in a park alone on a day that I knew the witch I thought she might be should be surrounded by friends, so I discounted the woman and kept walking."
He saw her lips twitch. "What's a walk of shame?"
He grunted. "It's when you wake up in a bed you shouldn't be in and have to rush home in lasts nights clothes."
Her mouth dropped into a small 'oh' of understanding and she flushed again.
Allowing her to process that and slightly amused by her obvious embarrassment he continued talking. "When I saw you at the ceremony this morning and saw the Muggle suit, I knew that the girl who had haunted me for months last year with her sad eyes on a park bench had indeed been you. And for some reason, I had to show up to make sure that you didn't sit alone this time."
OoOOooO
Hermione let out a quiet sigh at his speech and felt her heart hitch a little. It was a sweet thing to say, that he didn't want her to sit alone. Everyone pretty much left her alone now. She had pushed them away for so long they just went along with it now.
"I like being alone." She said finally when she realized she hadn't responded to his declaration.
A soft snort met this remark and then they sat that way, in total silence again.
After about an hour she said. "You don't need to stay, Theo."
He just grunted and again left it at that. He didn't try to make her talk; he didn't berate her for being stubborn or silly. He just sat there, watching the swans in the pond.
Waiting.
It took another hour for her to break.
"I feel guilty." Her tone was ragged and low. She felt him shift but he still remained silent, waiting. "I feel guilty that I survived when so many didn't."
His hand moved to cover hers but he let her talk she didn't look over at him as she took a deep breath and continued. "Why did I survive? I wasn't braver, or cleverer, or better."
He cleared his throat and said softly. "Now that I have to disagree with."
She sighed and felt his hand tighten on hers. "But, so many who were just as brave and clever and older didn't survive, Theo. I saw them on the floor, dead. I still see them, every single night I see them. Everyone thinks that I am this great hero! But I was scared, terrified really. And every night I close my eyes and its all there and I just don't know why I am alive and they aren't!"
OoOoOoO
Theo didn't really know what to say. He had watched Draco Malfoy deal with his demons from the war over the years and knew it wasn't an easy thing. Theo shifted his hand and took her small one in his as he thought of his own demons from the war.
He had taken the mark that Easter before the battle himself, his father had forced him to, but he had been still in school and although he had marched dutifully to his father's side after he had gotten out of the castle, he hadn't fought. In fact before the final portion of the battle had commenced he had fled to St. Mungos with a wounded third year who had obviously snuck back into the castle to fight. That's where the Auror's had eventually found him, sitting by the girl's bed, weeping like a baby because he had not been able to stop his father from trying to murder this little girl.
He had gone to trial and been exonerated. No one could, after all, point to any injury he had committed; no deaths were directly his fault. Sure he had taken the mark, but that wasn't enough to justify throwing him in prison it would seem. He had been allowed to finish his N.E.W.T's and with a two years probation, he had been left alone. Although he knew he was probably always going to be high on their watch list. His father, after all, was still a well-known death eater, the Nott name would bear that taint for probably centuries.
His anger and angst and depression weren't from surviving the war, it was from his shite of a childhood, his abusive father, his disgust that so many of his friends were so fucked up thanks to choices their parents had made for them. At least Hermione had chosen to fight, had walked into battle with her head held high and that burning righteousness of standing up for a cause she believed in. But he wouldn't' say that to her. Because her pain was real, and it made him feel a little unworthy to be touching her.
So brave, so self-sacrificing, such a Gryffindor thing to do. Sitting here year after year, pondering why she had lived.
His thumb drew circles on her palm as she took deep fortifying breaths.
"I can't let on that it still bothers me." She said in a harsh whisper. "Everyone thinks I am fine. Everyone acts fine! But I still see the dead, in my sleep."
Theo sighed and did something rather out of his character, he pulled her into his arms and offered her comfort, offered her his strength. His hand buried in her hair and held her head against his chest.
"Why did I live!"
He winced as she wailed her pain into his chest, her little petite body shaking with sobs. And when he couldn't stand it anymore and the wind picked up chilling him he stood up with her, cradling her to his chest, and walked into the woods, where he disapparated to his room in his town home and sat with her in a chair in front of a roaring fire and let her cry it out; because he was certain that this brave little lioness hadn't bothered to cry since the battle ended. And it had felt wrong somehow to not protect her from prying eyes, even if they were just muggles and wouldn't know that the great heroic witch, Hermione Granger, had just had a total and complete emotional breakdown.
When she fell asleep two hours later, hiccuping, he let out a long sigh of relief and walked her over to his bed placing her in it. He took off her shoes and frowned at her suit which didn't look at all comfortable. But, he was a gentleman, so he turned around and called for assistance.
Tuily had been with him since he was born and she didn't say anything after he explained who the witch was in his bed and what had happened. She just clucked her tongue and shook her head sadly as she pushed him out of the room.
"Tuily will fix her up, Master Theo, you goes and eats supper."
Theo jerked a hand through his hair. "She needs rest Tuily, just, get her comfortable please?"
The elf shut the door in his face and Theo sighed before he turned on his heel and went to find his best fire whiskey and get some intel. He wanted to know everything about one, Hermione Jean Granger, and not what was on her damn chocolate frog card.
Author Notes:
I am super excited to introduce you to Tuily. She is really very fun to write and I hope you like her.
re edited 7-17-17
I am still concerend about the flow of these first few chapters. Any constructive feedback is welcome. Thanks.
