November 5
2045
Number of stitches required: 4
Number of times Xu screamed 'Fuck!': 43
Number of doors replaced: 1
Am very tired after Selphie's visit today. Had intended on replacing curtains in bedroom and dusting bookshelves after work this afternoon, but now am watching Xu sleep on couch with a scrawny kitten on her belly.
Am feeling rather pleased with display of mercy and kindness. Am poster-child for animal welfare. Am reason that feline now curled on Xu is not plastered to tire of passing automobile. Am also jealous of Xu. Kitten included, seems that everyone likes her more, even the girl that always waits on us at the bar. Of course, Xu does offer to get my drinks free also, but as I am prideful creature and reliant on my own feminine wiles to ensnare potential drink-buyers, I must not let her do this.
Still...it was supposed to be my kitten.
"But ya gotta take her! She was all alone!"
"I don't want a pet. I killed my goldfish when I was twelve and I've been scarred ever since."
"But kitties are a bit more resilient than fish!"
"No."
"Look at her...so cute!"
"She has fleas."
"Well, that's because she's been outside her whole life. She just needs some love! You're single! All single women have cats. It's like...a law or something!"
Had spent past several days in happy denial of singleton status, but now dwelling on it like a prisoner that insists on perfectly measuring the distance between the tally-marks engraved on cell walls.
"She's trying to bite me. Obviously she doesn't like me."
"She's just hungry! And I've already taken care of that for ya! Irvie is at the shop right now and he's gonna bring ya all the stuff you'll need!"
"Xu will kill me."
"No she won't! Xu loves puss...er, I mean...Xu loves cats!"
"How on earth would you know?"
"Umm..."
"Never mind. I don't want to know. I'll keep her. What's her name?"
"I've been calling her Killer Bee!"
"Killer Bee? A kitten?!"
"Well, yeah, I mean, she's yellow and stripy, plus look at her itty bitty face...doesn't she look like a killer? Like a cute little ninja kitty that will chop off your head?!"
Must remember to go shopping in morning. Out of bread, plus need more gauze and bandages for Xu. Thankfully, Selphie is as good as her word. Irvine delivered promised supplies soon after Selphie departed to meet her roller derby team. Will have no need to buy anything for Killer Bee for a while. Kitchen cabinets are well stocked with cat food, treats, catnip, etc.
Must also remember to send large fruit basket to landlord this holiday season. Mr. Chang very unhappy to learn that our door was broken down by a man in a cowboy hat wielding a cell phone camera. Must also remember to buy flowers for Irvine, as spending night in hospital after breaking clavicle against door in hurry to photograph Xu with that kitten.
"Just...try to relax, Xu!"
"I am fucking relaxed!"
"No! Stop jerking your hand! You're hurting me!"
"It's not me! That was you!"
"Ow! God, you hit me in the thigh!"
"Eeew! It's wet!"
"You of all people shouldn't be worried about that!"
"Well, make it let go of my fingers!"
"No! Don't hit it with your other hand! That won't do anything but make her latch on tighter!"
"It's a her?! How the hell can you...ow, goddamnit! How can you tell? They all look the same to me!"
"Don't be ridiculous. I know you have very little experience with the--the--the danglier anatomical bits, but even for you it should be obvious which are..."
"I don't give a damn right now! Just get my finger out of here before I lose it!"
"Well, the angle is all wrong! Move your other fingers and it should slide right out!"
"Okay, let me try...oh thank God! It's out..."
"I told you. Next time I give you instructions, it would be best if you...ow!"
"Oh shit Q! Are you okay?"
"Owww...yeah, I just hit my head on the bedpost..."
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm sure. Now, you better wrap your hand before you make a mess. Let me try and see if I can...oh. That's much better."
"Now why is it that you're getting such great results?"
"Because I'm gentle, Xu. I don't just start teasing and then jerk my hand away right when I find the spot that..."
"I thought I was being gentle..."
"Oh, don't get so mad. It's just going to take some time until you're familiar with what she likes."
"Umm, Q? Is that you making that noise?"
"No, it's her."
"They do that?"
"Of course they do."
"I've never heard one do it before..."
"Well, it's because you've been doing it wrong. Here, give me your other hand. See? Nice and easy. You just have to move slowly until..."
Crash!
"What the fuck is that?"
"Sounds like someone is breaking in!"
"Get your bat! I'll call the cops!"
Have never figured Irvine for animal lover, though now know why Selphie is so fond of him. Quite kind of him to rush to our aid, though now we are under observation by Mr and Mrs. Chang because he had mud on his boots and carpet is now ruined. Killer Bee now seems very fond of Xu. She hasn't even bit her again since we returned from hospital. Perhaps feels guilty about her lacerated middle finger. Or perhaps is plotting way to finish the job and means to lull Xu into false sense of security. Must also remember to take picture of pair on couch and email to Selphie, and must also send one to Irvine, since he had such big grin on face when thought he would take pictures of Xu and I in bed with pussycat.
