November 27
1445
Number of times Xu has hit her finger with hammer: 4
Number of times said finger has been offered down for healing kiss: 3, but no more, as told her that I thought she was doing it intentionally and would no longer make offer
Spent majority of morning with Xu, first in mad dash from shop to shop in order to find post-holiday/pre-holiday bargains, as wages from teaching and secretarial work do not supply funds necessary to amaze friends with marvelous gifts as they are seen-on-television, then in attempt to decorate flat with bits of string and lights. Apartment now beginning to resemble either very chaotic acid nightmare from minds of those mischievous holiday elves, or low class brothel frequented by said elves, as am certain that those pointy eared bastards must resort to paying for sex in order to reproduce.
Killer Bee seems amused, either by the fact that Xu is standing on her toes in a chair, swatting at a nail with a hammer, or that I am chasing errant strands of lights much as she chases that catnip mouse that she hides under Xu's pillow.
"So is there a reason we're tearing down our flat and stringing up tiny little lights?"
"Er..."
"Er, what?"
"Er, Matron called last night and said she might visit."
Must remember that it is not a good idea to be the bearer of bad news when Xu is the bearer of a hammer.
"Oh fucking hell. The last time she came here, she tried to convince me that I could have any man I wanted if I would just follow her fashion advice."
"I know, Xu, but..."
"She tried to make me try on one of those horrible vampirella affairs that she's so fond of, and then the crazy old bat tried to fix my hair and..."
"Just try to tolerate her for just one evening. She's the closest thing to a mother I have, so..."
Though am still in slight amount of pain from stepping on broken light with bare foot, am pleased that timing was so fortuitous, as tears welling up in eyes had the same effect that would normally require me to spend hours on my knees in effort to bend Xu to my will. Shall remember this trick, as much faster than begging.
"Goddamnit. You owe me, Q. You owe me soooo big."
"Ugh, fine. But first, plug those over there so you can start on this next strand."
"Wait. Don't go that way."
"Move over, Xu."
"I can't! You're getting tangled up in my lights!"
"Well, slide to the left so I can unwind the red strand from the blue..."
"Those aren't blue, are they? They look green to me..."
"No, they're blue, so just slide over and..."
"No! Stop! You're twirling the wrong way!"
"I am not!"
"You're winding yourself closer to me! We're gonna fall if you don't..."
"Xu! You're falling on me!"
"I can't bloody well help it!"
"No, fall that way, not on top of...OOOF!"
Spent approximately twenty minutes disentangling myself from Xu, four strands of multicolored twinkly lights, the chair upon which Xu was standing in order to reach ceiling, and an extension cord that appeared out of nowhere. Would have been untangled much faster had Xu not been so happy to find herself on top of me in living room floor.
"No, Xu. Move your hands to the left."
"Oh no. To the right. And down a bit as well..."
"No, I just got the red ones sorted out over there, so don't..."
"If you'd just relax, I'll have us out of these lights in no time at all..."
"Xu, those are my buttons, not the lights."
"Oh really? Well, that would explain why I can see your belly instead of..."
"Stop it. That tickles."
"Does it? Oh dear. Better try something else. And what if I do this?"
"That definitely doesn't tickle, but that's my zipper and...and!"
"And?"
"That is NOT a light, Xu!"
"Give me just a minute and I'll have it glowing like one..."
Doorbell rang at this time and greetings and kisses were exchanged by all, once Xu was convinced to allow me up to answer door. Am still unable to decide if I am happy that Matron decided to ring our bell at this time, or am furious that we were interrupted from...decorating. Shall decide later, once am finished eating these marvelous cookies and delightful cinnamon-nutmeg coffee concoction brought to us in spirit of pre-holiday madness that makes Edea turn into Susie Homemaker.
Xu, however, is livid. Has not even touched the chocolate chip cookies that Matron baked for her, stating that she was on a sudden diet and unable to eat any holiday goodies.
Edea's next words, when unaccompanied by cookies and/or nutmeg coffee, turned Xu from mere lividity to full-on door-slamming rage. Am not fond of Xu's music, especially when she turns it to her spying level, which is high enough for guests to talk freely, but low enough so that she can hear every word.
"I've had a spot of trouble with Cid lately."
"Umm...sorry?"
"Well, he's not exactly bringing home a lot of money these days, and you've seen the house."
Yes. No matter how I told them that living in an area where the very atmosphere is composed of sandblasting particulate matter that is designed strictly for eroding fancy paintjobs from coastal homes, my helpful advice was ignored. Last visit to old home in Centra worked wonders for my complexion, as sand and salt in air are fantastic exfoliants, but wreaked havoc upon finish of car and had to pay two thousand gil to reimburse rental company.
"Yes, it does need some work..."
Non-committal and friendly seemed the best way to handle this situation, since Xu was in bedroom with Killer Bee and refused to come out and assist me.
"And he's not been...you know. Not been that er, impressive, er lately."
Shall ignore snort from bedroom, as am certain that Xu will have gift basket on desk for Cid on Monday, no doubt full of all sorts of pornographic material and an instructional manual.
"Impressive? What do you mean by...oh hell."
"Yes dear. His doctor blames his blood pressure, but I'm not worried about his heart. I'm more worried that he hasn't been able to light a fire with that limp match he carries in his pocket for over a year."
Perhaps I should have been a bit more sympathetic, since am very familiar with images of carrion-strewn wasteland of reproductive organs after no-sex drought conditions, but as was very uncomfortable with direction of conversation, all I could think to say was a very eloquent "Umm Hm."
"And the fighting has been rather stressful, and since Squall and Rinoa are together and I don't want to sleep on any sheets that Irvine has used, I thought that I may stay here with you for just a couple of weeks..."
"Um, what about Zell?"
"And stay with that bitch, er, the lovely Mrs. Dincht until the holidays are over?"
"Right, right. But, we only have so much room and our couch is so small..."
"Oh, but you could stay in the same room as Xu for just a few nights, couldn't you?"
Due to door slammed open by ecstatic Xu and subsequent hole knocked into sheetrock, must visit hardware store to make necessary repairs.
Have not seen Xu with such broad smile since she watched me performing moves on yoga dvd I borrowed from Selphie.
"That is no problem at all, Mrs. Kramer. We'd be thrilled to have you visit us for the holidays."
"We would?!"
Am now nursing bruise on ribs from Xu's very sharp elbow. Shall destroy the bitch.
"Of course we would. As a matter of fact, I was just thinking of going shopping again. Wouldn't you like to come with me, Mrs. Kramer? You know how I respect your advice on all matters related to clothing and fashion.
"Well! That does sound like fun! I know a dress that will look marvelous on you dear! And will you be going with us, Quistis?"
"Oh no. It's best she stays here so she can move her stuff into my room. We'll share my bed, since it's a lot bigger than hers..."
"And it's no imposition for you ladies?"
Am truly going to kill Xu for taking advantage of my almost-mother and her somewhat-depressed state just to take advantage of me while pressed against her in bed.
"Don't worry, Q! I'll bring you a surprise for later! Something...lacy, I think."
Honestly. She had me after demonstrating her manual dexterity during hanging of lights, but as she wants to be sneaky, shall punish her for behavior.
