Okay so this chapter is really, really long, but I hope you guys enjoy it. We're making progress! Yay! There will (most likely) be an outtake of this chapter up on my personal blog (jacejosujura) and it'll be about what Sorin and Avy did while this was going on. You can also follow me on IG and Twitter at jacejosujura. Big huge thank you to my beta (avacynguardianangel) and my other two creative team members, (ahem, Whitney, Wil) for listening to me drone on and on about how stuck I was on this chapter. Enjoy!
(Liliana Vess)
Smoldering. Burning. Aching. It's eight thirty on Sunday morning, which means I should be up and getting ready for Mass. I literally can't think of anything other than the man who is probably asleep beside me. I decide that showering is probably my best bet. Half asleep, I stumble into the bathroom.
"Good morning," I nearly jump out of my skin. His voice is silky and still thick with sleep, just like mine.
"Good morning, Jace. Why are you up so early?"
"Same reason you are."
"I don't recall you saying you were Catholic, Jace."
"I'm not. I am agnostic. My mother told me I had to go to mass."
"I have no idea what that's like," I say sarcastically. I know exactly what that's like. Josu and I have both tried multiple times to get out of mass, stop going to church, generally turn our backs on religion. Josu and I have both decided that the hypocrisy of both the Catholic Church and religious people in general is not what we wish to be associated with.
"We grew up rather differently, didn't we, Liliana?"
"I guess. Josu and I, we just, Dad.. He's never been a very nice man. He's honestly changed a little bit since he and my mom divorced, but Josu and I, we've never been exactly spoiled or even really noticed, it doesn't matter, why do you even care?"
"Because you're my friend, even if you don't want to be anything else," he says, a look of bewilderment distorting is handsome features. Scared that I've upset him, I ask a question of my own.
"Why are you leaving it up to me?"
"Have you never been given a single choice in your life? Even with Sorin?"
"I, oh, not really. Not really, Jace. And Sorin and I… It just kind of happened. We were never in a relationship, we were just bored. I have never had feelings for Sorin, ever. He's just my friend."
"I'm giving you one right now." He clears his throat, his eyes meeting mine. His voice changes from gruff and sleepy to that silky, sexy sound from the other night. "I'm asking you if you still want to do this, Liliana. You don't have to."
"Isn't this where you insert 'you don't really have to, but if you want to continue any semblance of a relationship, you have to'?"
"What? No! I want you to want it, not feel like you have to. You don't owe me anything. Somebody really fucked you up, didn't they?"
I give him a stonefaced look and purse my lips. He doesn't need to know every little thing about me, about why relationships aren't in the cards for me, what happened with Ashiok. His cocky ass really doesn't need to know that he gave me the push to finally, for the first time in the two years since we broke up, to stand up to him. It's not like he'd care, anyways. Men never do.
"No, I have no idea what you're even talking about. I don't know anything about relationships, I've only ever had one- and it wasn't at all what I expected. And I'm not 'fucked up' or whatever you said."
He cocks and eyebrow at me and I just nod my head, effectively ending the conversation. I wink at him and give him a halfhearted smile. He places his hand on my hip, sending electricity all the way up my spine, I exhale, desperately trying to not to show the arousal that's been steadily growing since this morning. My breath is shaky when I do breathe in. I bite my lip and reach for my hairbrush, pulling it through my thick black tresses. I grind my hips against his, and it's his turn to fight the arousal.
"You know, Jace, it's a crying shame I didn't come in a few minutes earlier," I say, a slight laugh on my lips.
"And why is that, Liliana?"
"Oh, am I not your Lili anymore," I say, giving him my best attempt at puppy dog eyes. He breathes in a sharp breath, as I decide to close my eyes and chew on my bottom lip.
"I guess that depends," he says, almost frustrated with me. Good.
"On what exactly, handsome?"
My hands slips underneath his tank top, my dark, Brazilian skin contrasting beautifully with the cream, Eastern-European tone of his abs. His breath quickens again, the sound is delicious. He pulls my hips to his, causing my fingernails to dig into the tender skin on his chest.
"Your answer."
"I need to shower, it'd be nice to have a little help…"
"Liliana. An answer. A straight answer. Because I can't take any more of your relentless teasing! Don't think I don't know that we both leave the door open on purpose. Because as much as I want to see you do those ballet stretches, you want to show me. You want me to see you because you know that you're hot, and that every little thing you do drives me fucking insane. Because don't think I don't feel you brush against my hand every night at dinner, that I don't see the way you look at me across the hall. You're the picture of lust. But there's something underneath there, Liliana. So give me an answer. Are we doing this or not?"
"Maybe I was waiting on you, Jace? Because what did I ask of you the other day? To make it to where I don't have to feel or think for a few moments. Because yes, I am the picture of lust. I can rock your world in exchange for that. Not having to think. So if you agree to do this on my terms, then your answer is yes. And didn't you yourself say that seeing me blissed out was a power trip, and don't kid yourself, Jace, you need that power trip. Your pride needs me, and your pride rules you. So why don't we give this a shot?"
"I've never had a girl read me like that- so I owe you that much. I'll be what you want, no, need me to be. But right now, we're going to be late if we don't get dressed for Mass. And I know you don't want to hear it, and neither do I, so it's probably best that we don't get in the shower together. But," he pulls me into him, his rock-hard manhood causing friction where I wanted it most. "I'm taking you today. Your body will be mine."
"Well, since only Su and Kaalia will be here later today, because Sorin is going to be gone with Avy and Ty is going to be with Dad and Kate, and isn't your sister going to hang out with someone? She mentioned that she was going to the spray park with a friend."
"Do you plan on telling Josu?" He looks like he already knows the answer to the question.
"Probably," I say flatly, "He and Kaalia will figure it out soon enough anyways, I suck at hiding things from them, since.. nevermind. I'll see you in a few minutes."
He gives me a puzzled look but walks out of the bathroom, leaving me alone with the looming prospect of him inside me, which does nothing to calm the searing heat, but that's exactly what he wanted.
And I did too.
When we make it to the church, I tell Dad and Kate that I'm going to head up to the balcony, which I do pretty much every week. I catch Su's eye and we make an unspoken agreement in that second. Osu knows something is up. I need to go to him before he gets to me, because I really don't feel like being grilled.
"You and Lia coming, Su?"
"No, we're going to stay with Sorin this week. Jace will go with you so you don't have to be alone, I'm sure."
Josu cuts his eyes over in Jace's direction, nodding to him. That's his way of telling him he knows something is up. I didn't know if Jace would catch it, but he did, because he's clever. Jace nods nonchalantly to Su and says "Sure. Why not?"
I look into the General's eyes for any sign of anger, questioning, but there is none. Jace vacates his seat beside Avacyn and walks toward me, letting me in front of him. When we make it there, we head to the back, where everyone in this room knows not to sit, because that is my seat. Jace sits down next to me with a question on his lips.
"Have you already told Josu, Liliana?"
"No, I haven't. I don't think I act oddly around you, He just knows me better than anyone; you saying 'come to papa' last week didn't exactly help either. Has he said anything to you?"
"No, not yet."
"I'm sure he will once he gets a better feel of what exactly we are doing. I am dead sure of that."
"What are we doing, Liliana?"
"I honestly don't know, Jace, I figured that we would figure that out this afternoon," I say, quietly, lest any of these fools hear us and go tell my father. The sermon is about to start, Jace and I have talked through all the formalities. Thankfully, therewas no singing today, the relentless Latin singing is something that I have hated since the dawn of time, not to mention the choir director can't carry a tune in a bucket. At our old church, up until I was fifteen, my father made me sing in the choir, but I put a stop to that by replacing the sheet music with something more upbeat and less like a funeral dirge, and both the choir director and Father James noticed, thereby securing my spot in the congregation, and out of the choir.
I relax slightly in my seat, my hand brushing Jace's on the chair. He laces our fingers together and my first reaction is to freeze and yank it away from him. He gives me this incredulous look, like he's completely flabbergasted about what I just did. I take a calming breath and lace my fingers back through his. It's just holding hands. People in this church hold hands all of the time. Besides, Jace's hands are warm and mine are freezing.
He produces a sheet of paper and a pen out of his back pocket, as if he knew he was going to be bored to death by this sermon. He writes on it and places it on my knee.
What is your deal?
Quickly, I organize my thoughts and decide that playing dumb is the best option I have right now, and it will buy me a few more minutes to explain, or you know make something up. Why does he even want to know why I yanked my hand away from him? Sorin and I have held hands exactly once. And I can't say it was the pure, innocent hand holding that Jace is offering me now. And Ashiok, we can say that I tried but it wasn't received very well. It was more often the top of my arm or wrist that he liked to hold. But of course, I can't tell Jace that. I refuse to be viewed as a weak girl with baggage, I don't want his pity. I'm not interested in it.
I don't know what you're talking about. Deal about what?
He rolls his eyes, hastily scratching something on the paper.
You're not stupid, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You can look me directly in the eye and suck me off, but I hold your hand and you act like I've killed your brother or some shit. What's wrong?
I just, I'm not used to that at all.
Well, get used to it. If we're doing this, especially the way you say you want to, you have to trust me.
He shoves the paper back in my general direction, and I read it, but before I can write anything else, he takes it back.
I'm not going to abuse your trust. It's obvious someone has. You don't have to tell me, but if you want me to do this, Liliana, you have to trust me. Is that going to be some herculean task for you? Because I think the only people you trust are Josu and Kaalia, not even Sorin. But you just hand your trust over to me? It doesn't exactly make all that much sense.
My eyes pour over the words in front of me. He's right, it doesn't make any sense at all, I feel like I'm spiraling out of control, but I don't want to stop. It's a strange feeling, because everything in my life is so structured. I know what I'm going to do and I'm sure of myself, but here I am, handing control over to someone because I don't want to think. Because I can't help but trust him. He seems so genuinely good. Thinking back on that first day in the bathroom, the day I was so hell bent on being independent from anyone because of what happened with Ashiok, because I felt myself starting to feel something for Sorin when I knew he wasn't interested. I wasn't going to get in this mess, and here I am, throwing myself at another guy. But I can't stop, because I have never been so intrigued by anyone. Ever.
It really doesn't, Jace. I don't know; I know it doesn't make sense. But something about you makes me very sure that this is what we are supposed to be doing. Does it not feel right to you?
I'm scared to hurt you. Physically, emotionally, whatever, Liliana. I don't want to break you.
I'm not easily broken.
I can see that. But I can also see that someone has hurt you, very badly. Otherwise you wouldn't glue yourself to Josu and Kaalia like you do. What on earth happened? Did your father fuck you up this badly? Should I be scared for my sisters? My mom?
I'm not broken, Jace. My father has had a hand in my mentality and why my brother and I are so close, but no, you don't have to fear for your sisters. I think he cares for Su and I in his own twisted way, and that's why he's easier on Ty, because he sees the wrath that Josu is filled with, his anger, his bitterness. He sees my inability to trust people, he sees my struggle to find ways to make friends. That's why Matias had choices. And it wasn't only my father. Partially, I am at fault, I let myself become this way. But Jace, I'm not broken, I won't let myself break.
Not anymore. You are not broken anymore. You won't let yourself break anymore.
Why am I even telling him this? It doesn't matter, honestly. What makes him so much different from Sorin? Or Ashiok? He seems to sense this, though. Why on earth is he so perceptive? Because it's annoying. I read it but don't make any moves to respond, and all he writes is:
I'm not him. Whoever he is, I'm not him. I'm not and I won't be. I promise. Just trust me.
I nod, and he puts the paper in the pocket of his sport jacket like we didn't just finalize anything. I sigh, thinking that I've gotten myself into another sticky spot. Who says his promises mean anything? However, he knots his fingers through mine again, and I can't help but let him. I'm stronger than anything he can throw my way, anyways, so I just let it happen.
When mass is over, Dad and Kate head over to this disgusting grease trap diner which Josu and I both hate, so we take the opportunity to split. We stop at an Italian place and eat and then we are all headed home. Anticipation is curling in my belly as Jace strokes the top of my hand, out of Su or Kaalia's line of sight. Honestly, there's no point of hiding it from, neither of them will snitch on us, they never did when it was Sorin. The closer we get to the house, the more visibly nervous I get. When we reach our destination, my hands are shaking against Jace's. Su unlocks the door, gives me a look, and he and Lia head into his room, still blissfully ignorant, or at least I hope so.
Jace takes my hand and pulls me upstairs, making the left into his room. I hear the door click and it's like a dam burst. He walks swiftly over to me, pressing his lips to mine. His mouth tastes of the mint gum he was chewing after we ate, and I can't get enough of him, his scent, his taste, his touch. He runs his hand up my spine, letting it rest on the small of my back. I moan slightly at his touch and feel him smile into the kiss. I pull him into me by his tie, and he whispers in my ear.
"I'm going to take you, Lili. And I promise you that the only thing you'll know is insurmountable waves of pleasure. I need you. You are so perfect, a goddess, but right now, you're mine."
"Yes, sir." I squeak. Where on earth did that come from? I don't even call my dad sir. But it spurred him on, his hand moving from the small of my back to my inner thigh.
"Good girl," he says with a smile. With that, he pushes me lightly onto the bed, lifting my skirt to reveal the red lace that I put on, knowing exactly what would happen later, a throaty growl rises at the back of Jace's throat.
"Minx," he says, climbing next to me. I pull him on top of me, comforted by his warm weight. This is going to be amazing, I thought to myself. Our lips touch again, alight with passion. The way he kisses me makes me even surer I'm doing the right thing. His hand slides the red lace to the side as he pushes his finger inside of me. I arch and moan, begging for him to move; I start to grind my hips on his finger, desperate to have him. He pushes a second finger inside of me, an even louder moan exiting my lips. I try my hardest to ride his fingers, basically, but I'm not getting away with anything like that.
"Oh, you want this, don't you? I can only imagine what you'd do for my cock, Liliana."
These words cause a fresh surge of wetness from my body. I don't know how he knows exactly what to say to cause me to be so damn needy. I don't know if he's been researching this, but he's been doing a damn good job so far. He pulls his fingers out and I stick my lip out in protest of the loss of the full feeling.
"Lose the clothes," he says, it's not a question. "I want to see you," he tells me, so I stand and remove the shirt and skirt, leaving me in the red, rhinestone embellished bra and the see through lace underwear. I make to unclasp it, but Jace stops me mid-motion.
"Come to me. I'm taking those off of you myself. Lie on your back."
I do as he asks, lying there completely vulnerable, completely at his will. I close my eyes and breathe in, content. He positions himself over me and kisses from my earlobe down to my collarbone, and in between the valley of my breasts. I've always been self-conscious about them, because compared to my Brazilian ass, they're relatively small. Jace undoes the clasp, and takes in a breath when he sees them.
"You're perfect," he says, smiling. I pull him in for a kiss, but he gives me a quick peck on the lips before taking one of them into his mouth. The pressure is absolutely exquisite. Slowly, torturously, he makes his way down my body. It's frustrating and I'm starting to crave him. I want him in my mouth right now.
"Jace," I whine, "let me taste you."
"Oh, leesi, how I want to fuck that pretty little mouth of yours." He gets up, undoing his belt, and showing his Green Lantern boxers. He doesn't seem embarrassed though. He unbuttons his shirt and he is cut- I know he runs quite a bit but he must work out as well.
"Leesi?" I ask. Is it some shortened version of that girl's name from Game of Thrones?
"It's the Polish word for fox, I thought it suited you."
I can't bring myself to tell him that he can't call me what he wants to, so I just smile. I turn our weight, perching myself on top of him. However, he flips us over once more, so that we are both on our sides. His manhood, thick and throbbing, is within a few inches of my mouth, the place that I want him to be right now. A low moan escapes my lips as he smiles at me, obviously happy about something.
"What?" I ask, beginning to stroke him softly.
"I've never seen a girl as enthusiastic about giving head as you are."
"I love the way you feel in my mouth," I say, blushing.
"Then I think we know what comes next. You're such a good girl," he smiles. I think he really likes being the top.
Finally. I start by making long, deliberate licks up and down his shaft while massaging him with the other hand like I did a few weeks ago. I stroke him as I do so, causing him to claw at the bed in pleasure. Good. He makes eye contact with me. "I am going to be at the back of your throat in a few seconds, leesi." Again, it's not a question. Slowly, I take one final lick before taking his manhood into my mouth. Desperate to have him deeper, I perch myself on my knees and will my throat muscles to relax as he softly moans my name, passion and fervor evident in his voice. His eyes meet mine again, and I know he's going to do what he promised earlier. He begins the assault on my throat slowly and steadily, his eyes still closed. I grab the back of his legs, needing him.
"Oh, god, Lili, please." At this sentiment, I feel a rush of sudden wetness. Hearing that he wants me as much as I want him is so satisfying, I don't think I have felt this way in a very long time. I pull off, smiling.
"Please what, Jace?"
He gives me a hard look as he takes the back of my head and pushes it back down on his cock. "I'm not done with your mouth, pretty girl." I moan and look up to see his satisfied smile, content that I am enjoying myself and enjoying his pleasure. His manhood begins to twitch in my mouth, he's getting close. However, I speed up my thrusts and his moans get closer together, more like quick pants, and he's unable to form coherent words.
He puts his hand on the side of my face, a gesture that I have never received from any of the males that I have been with. My eyes must have lit up, because he smiled, and it put any light show in New Orleans to shame.
"I'm not going to cum in your throat, Lili." I know this is his cue to pull off, So, I deep throat him as much as I can, disappointed that I'm unable to get all of him in my mouth. I make a mental note to ask him how big it is later.
"I will be able to take you to the hilt, Jace."
"I've never had a girl that was able to. But you're welcome to practice anytime you want," he says with a wink and a smile.
He begins to kiss my hip bones and inner thighs, it is torture. "You know you don't have to do this, right?"
"I want to make you feel good, so don't ask questions. I love the way you taste and the faces you make when my tongue flicks across your swollen clit, but why are you so self-conscious?"
"You're the first to ever…"
"What? Well, I'm not a selfish lover, I want to make you shake with pleasure and kiss every inch of your body, because you're a goddess and that's how you should be treated. But let's cut the chit-chat, we'll talk afterwards. Because I need to bury myself inside you."
As he tosses the panties on the floor, he gives me one last look of anticipation. His tongue touches my throbbing, soaked core, and my back arches off the bed as his tongue traces delicate patterns against my most sensitive parts. His finger enters me and I nearly scream his name; as he rubs the delicate pleasure center. When his tongue goes inside me, he feels me about to explode all over him, so he pulls back. I let out a strangled cry and I'm sure I gave him a pitiful look.
"What, why?!" I say, almost angry.
"You won't cum by my mouth or fingers today, today is about us being one."
"Then give me your cock, now, Jace!"
"Excuse me?"
I close my eyes and hit the bed beside me, feeling him place my legs on his shoulders. He positions himself right at the entrance to me, I try futilely to pull him inside me, but he's having none of it.
"Do you want this, Lili?"
"Yes!"
"I don't think you do, what should you say when you want something?"
"Please? I need it, Jace."
"Please what? Leesi, what if I just like to hear you beg? What if you've enabled a sadist?"
"Please, please, please fuck me, Jace! I need you. I want you so badly, goddammit, please!"
He rubs his thumb over my center, which I'm sure is crying out for him. He laughs slightly, under his breath, which only frustrates me further. I take a risk in what I'm about to do, but it's a last ditch effort. I turn his face toward mine, meeting his eyes.
I thought you didn't beg for anything, Lili? Don't you remember telling me that?
"Give me your fucking cock, if you want me. If you don't, I'll walk away. So tell me, do you want me?"
"More than I've ever wanted anything."
In that exact moment, he enters. I feel his full girth stretching me, my wetness pouring over him. Before he begins to thrust, he runs his finger over my throbbing core once more, allowing me to adjust and enjoy the fullness. He is definitely bigger than Ashiok or Sorin. He has his eyes closed, unable to process anything more than the intense pleasure he is receiving from being inside me.
"You are so fucking tight, I'm going to rip you in half."
"I don't give a shit, just fuck me for Christ's sake."
He slightly tips my hips up, allowing him full entrance. He moans and so do I, as he begins to thrust. He's wider too. It only takes a few thrusts before I can feel the pressure start to build below my waist, I grip his hips, desperately trying push more of him inside of me. He smiles at this.
"When did you become a greedy little cockwhore, leesi?"
"When you decided to do this," I say through pants.
"Then cum, Liliana, why don't you show me how much you enjoy this, cum like a good little girl…"
My body lets go of the orgasm all at once, soaking Jace and I. He moans when he feels it as well, but it's nothing compared to the near scream of his name that I do. He lets my legs drop to the bed, shaking.
"Hands and knees, Lili. We won't be done until you've earned every drop of this cum, until you've begged for it." He starts by running his hand up and down my spine, causing gooseflesh to appear everywhere. He then pinks the skin on the left dimple of Venus, a slight moan on his lips.
"These are beautiful, you've been kissed by the goddess of love herself." He runs his hands up and down my sides, squeezing my hips and playing ever so lightly with my breasts. He sinks two fingers into me, slowly, steadily working me; he makes it look easy. I whimper and turn to look at him, asking.
"Absolutely not, I will blister that little bum of yours if you do." I gush onto his fingers. Great. Now he's going to know that I'm a masochist. That all afternoon, I had been hoping that I would be over his knee.
"Oh, someone likes this idea." He says, a little bit of surprise on his lips. His hand lands on my rear, hard. Once, twice. Five. Ten, fifteen. His hand is a gentle reminder that I'm still living, breathing. I should not be physically dripping down my legs; and when he returns to my aching center, he moans quietly to himself. He finally stops, wizening up to the fact that it's starting to just hurt and not be pleasurable anymore.
I reach back, curious about the same thing he is. I wrap my hand around his rock-solid manhood, throbbing and twitching from desire.
"You want to do it as much as I want it, you sadistic fuck. You like knowing you're causing me pain, and by extension turning me on. "
He reenters, grabbing and handful of my hair and pulling me almost flush with him, then letting his fingers drop to the place that was begging for his attention. His left hand envelopes my breast, teasingly pinching at the sensitive bud there. A sound between a moan and a whine leaves my lips, beseeching him for more of this beautiful, torturous feeling.
"Do you want to cum again?"
"Please!"
"Then do it, because I'm about to. Rock with me," he says, straining.
I push my hips back on to his pelvis and he moans deliciously, rubbing quick circles on the needy bundle of nerves that makes women melt. Just as my body tightens around his, he pushes the rest of his length inside me, causing my body to quake and tremble. He spills inside of me, moaning and spent. He slowly pulls out of me and envelopes me close to his chest. I don't have words for how I feel right now.
"Thank you. My god, you don't know how badly I needed that, needed you."
"Mutually beneficial, then, Liliana."
"I'd say so."
"Come here, I don't want you dropping on me."
"What?"
"I told you I'd research this, and I did. We can talk more about it, get more things ironed out in the next few days. We need to look through it together, but I want you to know that you're safe and I care."
"Okay," I say, yawning, cuddling into his chest. It's like I'm having an out of body experience. Sorin and I never cuddled, and most of the time, after Ashiok I was left in tears.
He walks over to his mini fridge and brings me a glass of apple juice and a couple butter cookies. How did he even know I liked those?
"Drink this, and come here, sweet girl. You did so well."
Both of us liked to pretend in that moment that we didn't know what was happening, we both turned a blind eye and a deaf ear. But little did we know, that small moment that started it all would change everything.
About an hour and half later, Jace is asleep next to me when I wake up. I grab one of his tee shirts and walk over to my room, getting my hair combed and everything straightened out so I can go talk to Su and Lia about how I am feeling. They will know what to do. I kiss Jace on the forehead and walk downstairs, swiftly knocking on Josu's bedroom door .
"Are you to doing it? No? Coming in anyways!"
Generally Su and Kaalia are done before three and it's almost four, so they are just sitting in Su's room, watching a movie.
"You know you guys are my best friends, right?"
Josu just drops his head like his worst fear has been realized. He removes his glasses from his head and sits them on the side table, rubbing the inside corners of his eyes.
"Oh god, Liliana, what on earth did you do, do we have to go hide a body?" Kaalia teases.
"No, Lia. I just, I just, I don't know. I can't exactly call what I did a rash decision as we planned it during Mass. "
"You don't know what? Su and I aren't stupid, love. We know you. We know what you and Jace did. Just please be careful because you know if your father finds out it won't be pretty." Kaalia's tone is serious because she's right, if Dad finds out, it'll be the end of the road for both Jace and myself. I don't want that to happen.
"I don't know Kaalia, I feel something for him. I don't know and I'm fucking terrified of what I feel but I can't tell him no, because it just feels so right. Do you and Su just feel right?"
"Liliana, from the day that Kaalia and I noticed each other it felt right." Josu says to me in a frustrated tone. I can tell his a bit sick of my promiscuity. Whatever, it's not his decision. He just wants me to find someone and settle down, and I don't know if I'm capable of that. "So you and Jace had sex. What makes it any different than Sorin?"
"I just, he consumes me. He consumes my thoughts, he consumes my desires, just I know that I'm supposed to look at him like I look at you, Su, but I can't. All I can think about is kissing him- and that's not normal. Not since Ashiok. And who's to say that he's not any different from him?"
"You will have to find out, Liliana. But that means you have to stick around."
"I want to, but then again, I don't exactly want a relationship. But what we did, I've never felt so cared for in my life, and I'm just really scared. I don't know what to do? Because he may not even want me."
"How did this even happen, Liliana?"
"Well, it all started on that day that you guys came to the house for the first time, Kaalia, you and Sorin. We flirted just a bit, and it kinda spiraled from there. But I could feel his eyes even before that and I couldn't bring myself to shut the door! But we flirted and tension built up. And we flirted and more tension built up. He helped me with my math homework when it finally became too much. That's when this all started. When I had him in my mouth for the first time. He fingered me, and I asked something very special of him, something that requires trust. And that's all I'm gonna say. I'm terrified to trust anyone, honestly, because of all the things that have happened. I don't know, Lia. I just, I don't know. Osu, what am I supposed to do? "
"Well why don't you stick around and find out? Nobody's saying you have to go rush off to get in a relationship, right, Su?" Kaalia addresses her boyfriend.
"Personally, I don't think you need to be sexually involved with someone that you aren't in a relationship with, Lili, but we've always disagreed on that, so I agree with Lia. You should try to find out what you can. Neither of us wants to see you go through what you had to with Ashiok; it's not fair to you. But to be fair, I think Jace is good… but gods, Liliana, have you gotten yourself into another sticky situation, because Dad and future stepmother cannot find out about this, or your goose is cooked, you know that, right? You have to think about those things first. Lili, please just use your better judgment. I have all the faith in the world in you, but please be careful. Because if the General hits you, one of us is going to jail and the other is going to be in a body bag, of that I am dead sure. I promised you and myself that a long time ago, Liliana. I have to piss." Josu gets up and leaves the room, and I put my head on my best friend's shoulder.
"It was so damn good, better than any sex I've ever had ever.
"Damn, girl."
"And I'm going to be coming back for more. And that's scary."
"Why?"
"I don't want to catch feelings!"
"Maybe they'd be good for you." Kaalia runs a brush through my hair.
"You mean you're not like, he's your stepbrother, blah, blah."
"Lili, Josu and I pretty much grew up in the same house because your parents were never home. You know that. We grew up like sisters, but Josu and I had a spark. One that couldn't be contained. So I know what it's like and no, I'm not going to judge you. I just want you to be careful because neither one of us want you hurt! And don't let your lust rule you. I think he's worth getting to know. And Su is right, you don't want to go rushing around having sex with him, especially in the house, because of Rafael. But I think you should go for it, because I haven't seen you smile like that since before Ashiok. And we just want you happy. You're my best friend. And you know that he'd jump in front of a gun for you without thinking twice."
It's true. The three of us, we'd do anything for one another, more so than anyone I know.
"Are you going back today?" I ask my little redhead.
"Yeah, Sorin has to go to work tomorrow and I have to sign up for classes. But I'm thinking about taking some classes at Tulane or Dillard so I can be closer to Josu. Sorin graduates this year, and you'll graduate next year. From college, that's crazy, Liliana. Too bad Su picked like an eight year degree."
"If I can pass the math class. And I'm still not any closer to having my life together."
"One day, it'll all make sense. All the pieces will fit. Somehow, someway. It'll all work it out, it always does."
"Oh my god, Kaalia. Don't get all sentimental on me. I need you to be my bad bitch, still."
"That'll never change. Ever."
