Ch 3
The Doctor hugged his daughter closer. "Feel a little better?"
Freya nodded, hugging him as tightly as she could manage, "Do you have any more videos?"
He thought for a moment. The first that came to mind -all River's idea to catch on tape- was nowhere near appropriate for her to see nor was he ever planning on showing it to her. "Uh, I think we've got one of our weddings on film."
"Can we watch it?" She asked quietly.
He nodded as the TARDIS materialized the tape. "Will you go put it in?"
She nodded, getting up and carefully removing the first tape before placing the new one in. This one was a better sort of qualify, mostly because the Doctor wasn't the one handling the equipment.
Immediately he and River appeared on screen under a terrace of flowers. "Ah. Third wedding. Mummy wanted to have an Earth ceremony like the one your grandparents had."
River was wearing a white gown, rather simple, but elegant. She was only looking at the Doctor, eyes fixated on his face. The Doctor's tux matched what he'd worn on the Pond's wedding night, though his bowtie was from his first wedding, a tradition.
Each Pond was stood on the side, Rory as the best man and Amy as the maid of honor. The priest doing the vows was unfamiliar to the family, but appeared jolly none the less. He went through the vows, and River and Doctor on screen repeated after him when told to do so with nothing but love in their eyes.
When it came time for them to kiss, River practically pounced on him, hauling him to her for a deep, passionate kiss. The guests there cheered and he dipped River down like he'd seen in Earth movies, lips never leaving hers. River was laughing when she pulled away, pressing her nose to his.
"We should have the next one on Trudchi." The Doctor laughed alongside her.
She gave him one more kiss, "Let's get through the wedding night first, shall we? I'm rather looking forward to it."
He blushed and took her hand, saying something in her ear about his plans for that night as they walked off view of the camera.
The video cut to what seemed to be later that night, with River and the Doctor slow dancing in Amy and Rory's backyard. The pair didn't seem aware that they were being filmed. The camera turned in the holder's hand showing Amy grinning with her finger to her lips before it turned back to the dancing 'newlyweds'.
River seemed to be talking to her husband, though it wasn't clear exactly what she was saying.
"What's Mummy telling you?" Freya whispered.
"She was reciting an old Gallifreyan poem to me." The Doctor murmured reminiscently.
"Can you tell it to me?"
"Kr'Ibrii ka'RI ty'Et yuesiikl kara siira ophe'I anyue'Vabrii sii'A ty'Et shenkasii'Eara..." He began, the ancient language rolling off his tongue in sync with what River was whispering in the video.
Freya didn't understand at least half the words. She was quiet until he was finished, looking at him with wide eyes, "What does that mean?"
"It's a bit complicated, but it means... well it's about love and how it makes you feel inside and about your lover. How every little thing your partner does is like magic."
"Oh..." She nodded.
The video ended. "There's another poem by the same person. Mummy would tell you and Amelia when you were still in her belly. It was about the relationship between parents and children and it was so filled with love."
"Can you teach it to me one day?" She asked, hugging his waist again.
"Yes," He nodded returning the hug. "Now Freya, I do also want to talk about your feelings toward your little brother."
Her expression hardened, "Why?"
"I think we... should strike some sort of balance. You don't like him," He said, though he didn't believe it. "But I think you'd rather sit with Mummy than hide away here. The thing is, Arthur, Amelia, and I also want to sit with Mummy."
"He already got to sit with Mummy." Freya frowned.
"And so did you, but that doesn't mean you're done, now does it?" He replied calmly.
"No, but he got more time than me!"
"So did I, but you're not saying I should go sit with her." He sighed. "Look, I know this is very hard for you, but you don't have pass the blame. Sometimes these things just happen for causes no one can control."
"But it is his fault! If he wasn't born then she wouldn't be gone."
"If he wasn't born and Mummy was still here, you'd still be very much wanting a little brother." He pointed out.
"I only want a little brother if he's not a killer." She snapped, crossing her arms.
"This would have happened with any baby Mummy might have had. Brother or Sister. Arthur or Terra. This still would have happened." He tried to explain.
"Then Mummy shouldn't have had another baby." She frowned.
"You asked her to." He whispered. "You and Amelia had asked for a very long time. She wanted to make you happy."
"But I told her that I didn't want a little brother if it was going to make her sick or get the bad sleep." She whispered, eyes filling with tears. She felt like this was her fault now.
"She didn't know right away what would happen." He soothed. "By the time she realized, she didn't want to give him up."
"She should have. He's not worth it." She sniffled.
"Mummy would think he is." He murmured, hoping River's opinion might mean something to her. "And Mummy thought you'd love getting to be a big sister."
"I told her I didn't want a brother or sister if she was going to get the bad sleep!" Freya curled into herself again.
He rubbed her back. "Lovie, she couldn't give up Arthur. And she wanted you to love him like she did. I know you blame him and maybe you can't be a big sister to him right now, but I really hope you come around soon."
"I don't like him. I just want him to go away." She began to cry again.
"I think you'd be sad if that happened, too." He murmured.
"No, I wouldn't." She shook her head, "I don't like him!"
"Do we call people names when we don't like them?"
"No." She frowned.
He nodded. "That's right. He's only a few hours old, Freya. I know you don't like him, but you have been being mean..."
"No I haven't!" She began crying harder, sniffling and sobbing.
He ran his hand over her curls in a soothing motion. "It's alright to admit your faults. Nobody is going to think you're any less strong than you are."
"I'm not being mean." She sobbed.
"Would you call Amelia mean if she called you stupid and said she didn't want to be your sister?"
Freya just continued to cry, not responding, though she knew he was right. He hoped he was starting to get through to her, holding her close and rocking again.
She sobbed heavily for another fifteen minutes, keeping her arms wrapped around herself. He attempted to whisper comforts to her, letting her know that she was still very loved and cared for. "I want my Mummy." She cried.
"I'm so sorry, my love. Mummy's gone." Her sobbing continued, only growing louder. "I'm here, Freya. I'm here." He tried to assure, imagining that she felt quite alone.
She didn't calm down for quite a long time, her heart hurting with how much she missed River.
By that time, Vastra and Amelia had come in. Arthur had been left with Jack in the other room. Freya was still sniffling, curled up in her own tiny ball. Amelia still glared at her sister, but had her attention drawn to the television. "Why's that here?"
"B-B-Because I w-was w-watching something." Freya sniffled.
"What were you watching?" She insisted.
Freya shook her head, not wanting to share with her sister. She wanted to keep the videos of River a secret, feeling like they were just for her.
"It's my and Mummy's third wedding." The Doctor said, not mentioning the other video for now, allowing Freya to still have it be personal.
"Can I see it?" Amelia asked, looking hopefully at the screen.
"Rewind it and then press play." He nodded.
Vastra helped her work the VCR, then sat beside the Doctor and Freya. Freya didn't like her sister getting to see the video at all, but watched attentively as it started to play again.
River and the Doctor appeared back on the screen, running through the wedding again. Amelia sat on the floor, staring an almost shock. Her mum was there laughing, standing, breathing. She could hardly remember the last time River looked that lively. Freya started sucking on her thumb, curled up against the Doctor's chest. She could have stayed there all day watching the video.
The Doctor told Amelia the same thing he told his other daughter when she asked about what River was whispering.
"Are there more?" Amelia whispered once the video had ended. He nodded slowly. "Can we watch them?" She asked.
He pointed to where Freya had left the other tape. "You' have to rewind that one, too."
"No!" Freya cried, jumping up and taking the tape.
"Hey!" Amelia lunged to get it back. "No fair, I wanna see it!"
"No! It's just for me!" She held it close to her chest.
"Freya, she's allowed to see it, too. It was for both of you." The Doctor said sternly.
"B-But it's for me! Mummy was talking to me!" She started to cry again, squeezing the tape.
"That's because we didn't know there were two of you yet." He explained gently.
"So it's mine! It's just mine!" She sobbed, the video had felt so special and personal, she didn't want to share it.
"Amelia, maybe you can see it later..." He suggested. Freya needed an anchor like that video that could just belong to her for now.
"But I want to watch another video." Amelia pouted.
"I know, and you will, but could you wait until your sister feels ready to share with you?" He asked. She sighed and nodded. "Thank you, lovie." He offered a weak but appreciative smile.
Freya had started to calm down now that she knew the video would remain hers.
The Doctor sighed heavily, mentally exhausted. He half expected River to just walk into the room and suggest a game to the girls. Instead he got Jack entering with a fussing Arthur.
"I think he needs a diaper change." Jack muttered, holding the fussy baby out for the Doctor.
"Right." He stood and took his son. "I'll take care of that." Freya glared at the baby as he was passed from Jack to the Doctor. The Doctor tried not to notice. "I'll... uh, be right back." He said, deciding it best to change him in the other room.
Amelia came running to the Doctor a few minutes later, holding another tape. "Daddy, look!" Her name was writing on it in River's handwriting.
He looked up from wrapping Arthur in River's blanket. "What's that, lovie?"
"It's another video! For me!"
He scooped Arthur into one of his arms, holding out his other hand. "Let me see."
She handed it to him, "Be careful with it, it's mine."
He nodded his understanding. "...Are you sure it's not labeled for your grandmum?"
Her face fell, "Oh... I don't know."
"Have you watched it yet?" He pondered. She shook her head. "Tell you what, let's take a peek and see, yeah?" He suggested.
She nodded, though her hopes had been a bit squished He lead her back into the other room. "Do you want to put it in the telly?" She nodded. He handed the tape back to her.
She carefully put the tape into the VCR and pressed play.
There was static for a very long moment, before River appeared on the screen. She was alone in Amy and Rory's bedroom, looking very sad, though trying her best not to be so tearful on screen.
The Doctor instantly recognized that this was only a week or two after Manhattan. Amelia stared at the screen, her eyes wide and watery, willing with all she had that the video was meant for her.
"I was going to start off with something sappy, maybe something to tell you how much I miss you," River started. "But I can't get out of my head the promise I made you: that we'd name our daughters after each other." She wiped at her eye with the heel of her hand. "I almost want this to be for her so I can tell her about her namesake, but I can't make this for someone who doesn't exist and probably never will."
Amelia's eyes welled up with tears and she began to sob when she realized the video wasn't for her. The Doctor wrapped her up in as best a hug he could while still holding Arthur.
"The thing is, I've not thought too much about having kids until you were gone. I've always just... dismissed the thought, and I don't know what it is now that's making me feel more... maternal." She lied, pausing again to sniff. "I need to go away for a bit, just to get back to my old self. I just can't do that if I'm still clinging to you. It's not a goodbye, I just needed somewhere to put this that wasn't my diary."
The Doctor started to realize exactly when this was, exactly what had happened that he had been oblivious to at the time.
Amelia's wails grew louder, all she wanted was a video of her own. Her body shook with sobs against the Doctor.
"It's just been really hard this past week with-" The video was cut off as the Doctor pressed pause. He felt it was making his daughter too distressed.
"It's all right love. Sh, sh, it's alright."
"W-w-why isn't th-there one for m-me?!" She sobbed.
"I don't know." He stroked her hair. "But that doesn't mean she didn't love with all that she could love you with."
She didn't calm down, "B-but Freya got a v-video and my b-baby brother g-g-got a b-blanket, but she d-didn't give m-me anything."
"Technically the video was meant for both of you..." He muttered. "How about we find something she'd want you to have, hmm?" She didn't really answer him, crying too hard to respond.
He sighed and rocked her, resuming the video. It was mostly for his own curiosity: he'd never seen it before and River had only mentioned a few times, never really talking about the miscarriage he knew was recent for her in the video.
Amelia's wails grew louder when she heard the video turn back on. Vastra crept over, gently taking Amelia from the Doctor, shooting him a look. "Doctor," Vastra murmured, her tone a bit sharp, "Perhaps we should wait until she calms down."
He reached to pause it again, deciding he could watch it later in private."Um, right." He nodded quickly, hitting the eject button. "Sorry, I... sorry."
"Come now, Amelia. Let's lie down for a bit." Vastra murmured.
"I don't wanna! I want Mummy!" She squirmed.
"Shhh, shhh, no. We're going to take a rest for a few minutes and then you can see her."
"I want to see her now." She bawled.
"I know you do." Vastra murmured, rubbing her back, "But I think you should lay down for a minute to catch your breath. Once you've had a minute to take a break, we'll go see her."
It look a moment, but she eventually nodded, rather spent from her fit. Vastra gently put her down on one of the beds, "I'll be right back, let me get you a blanket."
The girl nodded silently. Had she let her father continue the tape, she would've seen that River had taped over the end and added a piece for her. For now, no one knew.
