Bye Bye Baby
Chapter 2
The ride to Mike's house was uneventful but lighthearted as Steve regaled Mike about his weekend in Lake Tahoe.
"Sounds like you enjoyed it anyway. It's good to catch up with old friends, huh?"
"Yeah ... They're all doing pretty good. Did I tell you Robbie got engaged? "
"Robbie ... Robbie. Is that the accountant?"
Steve laughed knowing Robbie was definitely not good with numbers at all and corrected Mike quickly.
"No, that's Pete. Robbie is the lifeguard. "
"Oh, that's right. Now I remember. Wait a minute ... Isn't he the one you told me had more girlfriends than hot dinners? Not that you're anyone to comment about that, by the way. "
Steve again laughed.
"Yeah, that's the one. Seems like he's settled down now. "
Steve looked sheepishly away before he mentioned the next part knowing how Mike would probably feel about the next news on account of his religion and his generation views.
"Yeah, they ah ... even have a baby on the way ... "
Steve caught Mike's head whipping his way and avoided his eye contact purposefully.
"Oh! ... I see ... A shotgun wedding huh?"
Affronted, Steve quickly answered.
"No actually. It's not like that at all. Why do older people always think that? For your information they're both very happy about it."
Seeing Steve slightly affronted, Mike spoke in an apologetic tone.
"Alright, alright. Don't get yourself in a twist. I'm sorry if I jumped to conclusions. I'm just not used to these modern arrangements yet. I'm glad your friend is happy. Oh and by the way, less of the "older people" part if you don't mind, hotshot!"
Steve chuckled at that and visibly relaxed as he laid his head on the back of the seat but then his thoughts focused on something that they had joked about in Lake Tahoe. Something that despite the lightheartedness with which it had been imparted had bothered him deeply and something he hadn't been able to get out of his head. He glanced nervously over at Mike as he drove and considered discussing it with the older man. He opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it and chickened out. But Mike had noticed and with his eyes still firmly on the road ahead, he spoke purposefully.
"What?"
"Huh?"
"Come on. You've gone awful quiet. Something's chewing on you. You were going to tell me and decided not to. So go on. SPILL! "
Steve smiled and shook his head, marveling at how Mike could have possibly seen his hesitation while he had been driving.
"It's nothing. Just something that came up in one of our many discussions at the weekend, that's all. It's not important. "
"Not important huh?"
Steve let out a weary sigh.
"... No "
At the hesitation, Mike suddenly banked left and pulled in to park sharply taking Steve by surprise.
"MIKE?... "
Turning in the driving seat to face Steve who looked startled by the sudden maneuver, Mike's motives were soon revealed.
"Out with it! What's bugging you?"
"Aw Mike, you didn't have to pull over. I told you it's not important."
"Yes, you said that but your actions said something different. Now are you gonna spit it out or are we going to sit here for the rest of the evening. Well?"
Steve sighed even louder, knowing that Mike wasn't going to drop it anytime soon. So accepting his fate he tried to explain his concerns without sounding too pathetic.
"OK, you win but it really isn't a big deal Mike. It was just a discussion that me and the guys had and ... well, you remember how I told you that Sonny got married about three years ago and that they have a one year old son now, right? "
"Yes ... "
"And now Robbie's engaged and expecting a baby ... and Pete ... well he's been seeing his girlfriend for about two years now and it seems pretty serious ... well ... "
As Steve stuttered and flustered trying to form the words he needed, Mike smiled as he felt he had figured out what was bugging his young partner.
"Oh I think I see now ... You think you're soon going to be the only free and single bachelor of the group, huh? Is that what's bothering you?"
At Mike's words Steve flustered even more, his words tripping over his tongue in his attempt to rescue his pride a little.
"NO! ... Of course not ... That doesn't bother me. You know me Mike. I'm happy with how my life is but ... well it was just something they said ... I mean in jest of course ... I mean they didn't say it a hurtful way or anything but ... "
Steve stopped mid-sentence feeling that he wasn't explaining himself well at all and he was suddenly thankful that it was night-time and therefore it was dark inside the car so that his slightly flushed cheeks would be somewhat hidden from Mike's view. Mike however could sense his unease and decided to rescue him. Placing a hand on his shoulder he spoke sympathetically.
"I think I see now. What was it they said that upset you ... however unintentionally it might have been, huh?"
Again Steve flustered.
"NO ... it didn't upset me ... It just ... made me think I suppose ... Well, you know Sonny is a trained psychologist now and he ... well he was sort of ... analyzing us ... just joking around you understand and ... he said that ... that he felt I was afraid of commitment and that it probably had something to do with my past ... and that because of that and my career choice that he didn't think I'd ever truly settle down and ... well you know... get married and ... maybe have kids someday ... "
Even in the darkened car, Mike could feel the palpable discomfort emanating from the young man beside him and thought carefully about how he was going to continue the conversation. After only a couple of seconds of silence, which felt longer, Mike spoke quietly.
"I see ... and what did you feel about what he said, Buddy boy?"
Steve looked down at his lap and spoke more uncomfortably than before.
"I ... I don't know exactly. I laughed along with them at the time. I mean it was harmless fun you know but ... well then afterwards I sort of got thinking and maybe ... maybe he was right Mike. I mean everyone I ever got close to either died or left and maybe he has a point. Maybe that has a bearing on how I am today ..."
Mike could hear the turmoil in Steve's voice and decided to lighten the tension.
"Well, I haven't left, have I?"
That brought a renewed smile to Steve's face temporarily.
"True, but then you haven't known me very long yet. " he playfully added yet behind the playful tone Mike could hear a fearful one cleverly disguised.
Reaching out and grabbing the back of Steve's neck, Mike shook his partner affectionately and answered firmly.
"Well, I'm not planning on going anywhere, anytime soon so get that thought out of that over-thinking head of yours. Do you want my opinion on this?"
Steve chuckled and sheepishly replied.
"Yeah ... Why do you think I really came in at six o'clock this morning but well ... the moment never presented itself all day. "
Mike smiled.
"Ok, well for what it's worth, here's what I think about it ..."
Mike heard Steve's distinct intake of breath in anticipation of what Mike would say.
"You were dealt a pretty lousy hand growing up Buddy boy and from what I've come to know and witness about you as my partner ... well you don't let many people past that armor plating you've carefully built around yourself and yes, I think your past has a lot to do with that. It's like a defense mechanism that protects you from getting hurt and I've noticed from time to time that when one of your shall we say " female acquaintances" get a little too close for comfort, you tend to push them away and head for the hills ..."
Steve dropped his head again, slightly worried that Mike was starting to agree with his college friends by his initial words but Mike saw the movement and the change in his demeanor and quickly reached out and lifted Steve's chin to look back at him and continued speaking .
" ... HOWEVER, that being said, I don't think that any of those girls were "the one" for you."
"The one?"
"Yes, the one. Your soulmate. The person who will finally get inside that self imposed prison of yours and break down those walls of doubt you've surrounded yourself with. She's out there somewhere Steve and at a moment you least expect, she'll appear. Mark my words. It will happen. I have no doubt about that and you shouldn't either."
Steve smiled again, Mike's words bringing the comfort and relief that he knew only Mike's words of wisdom would.
"You really think so?"
"Absolutely."
"But Mike?... How do you know ... when you've found "the one"? "
Mike drew back slightly and studied his partner, realizing in that moment the fact that Steve had never had a father figure up to now that he felt he could ask such a question of and smiling broadly, feeling honored at being the one he chose to ask, he continued
"Well for starters, when it happens you won't have to ask me, you'll just know. You'll see her from a distance and your eyes will meet and then ... ZING! "
"Zing?" Steve asked not able to hold back the giggles. "What's that?"
Mike chuckled back at Steve's reaction but then continued, caught in the moment, in a memory of a moment long past when he had met Helen for the first time across a room full of people many years before.
"It's a feeling buddy boy. A chemistry. A meeting of souls so intense that in a room full of people, everyone else will cease to exist. All you'll see is her. Her smile will light up the room and almost in that instant she'll become all important to you Buddy boy. Every thought you have from then on will include her in some way, until nothing else will mean anything to you unless she's by your side. You'll want to share everything you do with her and without her nothing will ever be the same. That's when you've found the one ..."
Steve listened as Mike spoke and heard the emotion in his every word up to the last sentence when a hint of sadness broke through and then Steve realized that the older man was speaking from personal experience.
Steve remained silent for several seconds as he processed Mike's words and then he inclined his head slightly and let out the breath he hadn't realized up to now he'd been holding.
"Wow! That sounds pretty intense. Is ... is that how you felt when you met ... Helen for the first time?" Steve asked tentatively, not sure if he should have asked it at all but to his relief a broad smile broke out across Mike's face and he answered fondly.
"Oh yes ... we zinged alright!"
Steve smiled back and patted Mike's shoulder.
"You know something? You are a romantic. You are a REAL romantic."
"You bet your cotton socks I am. But if you tell any of the guys back at Bryant Street that, I'll deny everything."
Steve laughed then and added teasingly.
"Don't worry. They wouldn't believe me anyway ..."
Mike swatted at his young partner playfully, feigning insult.
"Cheeky!"
Both men giggled and then Steve grew serious once more.
"I just don't know Mike if ... well if I'm marriage material. "
"Marriage material ..." Mike scoffed. " You make it sound like a special cloth you have to bring to that fancy tailor of yours. Marriage isn't something you're cut out for or not. It's a choice buddy boy. A choice you make to spend the rest of your life with someone you love more than life itself. With someone you could never imagine living without. That's marriage and when your time comes you'll manage just fine."
Steve swallowed hard as Mike's words hit home and he realized how special Helen had been to Mike and how big a loss she had been to the older man. He felt a lump appear in his throat and he spoke in barely a whisper.
"You really miss her, don't you?"
Mike faltered for a brief moment before answering in a shaky voice.
"Every day buddy boy. Every single day. You see ... that's the downside of it. When you do find "the one", losing them is all the more painful ..."
Steve didn't know what else to say and he merely stayed watching his partner and sharing Mike's feelings of loss in that quiet moment. He remembered feeling that devastated as a child losing his parents and then again as a teenager when his beloved Grandfather had passed away. While the feelings probably weren't exactly the same, Steve reckoned they were close enough and he sympathized with the older man at the gaping hole those losses left inside you where no-one else could see. Mike could see how the mood had changed to a sombre and morbid one and quickly sat back up straight at the wheel and changed the dynamic.
"Anyway, that's enough sadness for one day, don't you think? Besides, my stomach is starting to growl in sympathy with yours. Let's get back and have some of that meatloaf. Alright?"
Steve nodded and forced a smile .
"Sure, that sounds good."
Mike noticed the still sombre tone in Steve's voice and wondered if he had even helped him at all or if he had just managed to make the young man feel even worse. He started the engine again but turned once more to ask one more question.
"Do you feel any better about it now?"
To Mike's relief, Steve's smile widened and this time looked more genuine.
"Yeah, yeah I actually do. But then I always do Mike when I talk to you about things. Thanks." Steve complimented as he too sat up straight in his seat again as well.
Mike beamed at the compliment and then added humorously.
"Well of course you do. That's because you're benefiting from all my years of experience and wisdom."
Steve laughed and it did Mike's heart good to hear it.
"No seriously buddy boy, all joking aside. In future if you need to talk to me about anything that's bugging you ... don't beat around the bush, ok? Just find me and get it off your chest, ok?"
"Ok Mike. I will thanks."
"Good ... Now let's go eat."
With that Mike pulled back out into the traffic and they drove in companionable silence the rest of the way to De Haro Street. Pulling up outside at the kerb, both men exited the car wearily, the long day taking it's extreme toll. The street light outside Mike's house wasn't working and so it was darker there than usual. As Mike came around to join Steve, he looked up at the streetlight and frowned.
"Typical. The only light on the street that's not working and it has to be outside my house. Remind me to ring about that first thing in the morning, will you?"
Steve nodded and then went to follow Mike but Mike stopped as he suddenly remembered something and taking his house key from the bunch of keys he threw the car keys back to Steve.
"Steve, could you get my dry cleaning from the trunk please, while I go inside and get that meatloaf heated up?"
Steve caught the keys expertly, despite his tired reflexes and answered lightheartedly as he watched Mike start to mount the steps up to his house before heading to the back of the car.
"Sure, no problem. Just go slower up those steps. A fellow of your advancing years might just miss a step seeing as it's darker than usual."
Mike stopped halfway and even though Steve couldn't see his partner's expression too clearly in the dim light he could almost feel the glare that was being sent his way.
"Careful Buddy boy unless a fellow of your NOT so advancing years wants a smaller portion of Jeannie's leftovers than you'd like."
Chuckling at having succeeded in getting a humorous reaction from Mike, Steve opened the trunk and reached inside to pick up the suits that were bagged and on hangers when he swore he heard a rustling sound in the bushes to his right. Looking around the open trunk he checked the street up and down and squinted his eyes to study the bushes where he felt the sound had come from but heard nothing further. Assuming instead that it must have been Mike's trench coat rustling against the rose bushes that lined his steps, he resumed his original task and grabbed the dry cleaning, closing the trunk and stepping up on the pavement in one single movement when his right shoulder collided heavily with a young woman who had seemed to appear out of nowhere. As they both impacted, the suits fell out of Steve's arms and he made a grab and caught them before they hit the damp ground before turning to check on the young woman, embarrassment evident in his voice at not watching where he was going.
"Oh, I'm so sorry ... Are you alright? " Steve flustered but the young lady kept moving not even acknowledging his apology. He hadn't got a close look at her as his grab to save Mike's dry cleaning had diverted his attention and the darkness concealed her appearance. The only reason he even felt it had been a young woman at all was by the stature and the brief sensation of long soft hair that had brushed the side of his neck as they had collided and the faint smell of a woman's fragrance that slightly lingered in the air where they had only moments before connected briefly. As he stood motionless and watched her retreating shadow disappear down the street into the dark of night he thought it strange that she hadn't stopped after the collision and wondered where she had come from and why she was in such a hurry. But his thoughts were interrupted by a sudden unnerving shout from Mike.
"STEVE. GET UP HERE NOW!"
Again squinting his eyes as his heart started to race, he looked to his left and saw Mike's shadow standing up outside his front door. His tone had sounded worrying and without further hesitation Steve ran for the steps and mounted them two at time in his haste to reach his partner.
A/N: Thank you to all those who are reading and following my new story and to those who left such wonderful feedback. Also thanks for your condolences and understanding. They are deeply appreciated..x
