Ch 24

Arthur started crying as he was carried upstairs, worried about his baby sister.

"Shh, hush now lovie. She'll be fine. It's alright." The Doctor rocked him as they went to the nursery.

He continued to sob, refusing to calm down.

"Come on little man, I know Mummy would never ever let anything bad happen to your little sister, even if she doesn't act like it all the time. She just scared, she lashes out when she's scared." He tried to assure.

He sniffed, finally starting to settle. The Doctor placed the boy in his crib, leaning over to offer a finger. "Mummy cares about you so much, that's why she doesn't want to let go. She loves you more than she knows what to do with." He smiled. "It's scary, you know, with what happened around your birth. I think... I think she thinks something bad will happen if she lets go. " He sighed, knowing Arthur wouldn't know most of what he was talking about. "Don't worry. She'll be okay eventually."

Arthur whimpered, holding his father's finger tightly, Love Mummy too...and baby.

He chuckled softly. "I'll let them know."

He finally settled down enough to take a nap. The Doctor made sure the boy had his stuffed Dalek then turned out the light and left.

He wanted to go to River and at least be able to give her a hug or something along the lines of comfort, but he didn't think she wanted him around her. He decided to instead go to his office in the TARDIS and start looking into the things River had before mentioned they'd eventually need.

River finished washing the dishes in the kitchen, wandering into the TARDIS looking for a distraction. Tiber heard her steps and eagerly went to follow her. She drifted quietly through the halls, stopping in the doorway of the Doctor's office when she noticed the door slightly open.

He was over his desk, scribbling something down on paper. A few books were open around him as well as a tablet. She was so quiet, he didn't notice her, that is until Tiber took the liberty of announcing their presence.

He looked up.

"Is Arthur asleep?" She asked softly, not moving from her place in the doorway.

He nodded. "It took a bit, but I got him to settle down."

She nodded, glancing at the floor, "Good. Do you want me to pick the girls up later?"

"I could come with you." He offered hopefully.

"If you want." She leaned against the doorframe.

"I do." He nodded and offered a smile. "Were you looking for me for something?"

She shook her head, "Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you." She turned to leave.

"No, it's alright." He stood. "I wasn't that busy." He closed the books.

"I was just going to go read for a bit..." She murmured, still hesitant and backing up further.

"Oh. Alright. You could... read in here. If you want." He offered.

She hesitated, feeling Toby brush up against her leg, "I-" She sighed, "I suppose so."

Tiber and Toby both went to settle on the couch, looking back at River, expecting her to follow. She slowly walked over to the couch, sitting stiffly. The Doctor turned back to his research, thinking that it would be too smothering if he were to come sit with her.

"Are you sure I'm not bothering you? You seem busy." She whispered, glancing at him.

"No, no. Not at all." He insisted, Toby snuggling up to River.

She pet the dog's head absentmindedly. "What are you doing?" She asked softly.

"Looking into all the things you mentioned earlier. Things we'd need for Terra." He told her.

She visibly tensed, "Right...of course. I should leave you to that then." Tiber jumped onto River's lap, settling himself against River's belly. Terra pushed back softly.

River jumped up as soon as Terra kicked, knocking over a few things in the process.

Tiber yelped as he was dumped on the floor and the Doctor looked up, alarmed. "River?"

"I'm sorry, I-" She glanced at the Doctor, "I can't do this." She quickly headed for the door.

"River wait, what happened?" He went after her. "River?"

"I can't do it." She repeated her voice trembling, still making her way down the hall, shaking her head.

"Please, calm down. River, talk to me." He urged, though he already knew what she was talking about.

She slowed to a stop, breathing in such a way that he thought she might need a paper bag. "What is there to talk about?" She fell back against the wall, her whole body shaking, "There's nothing we can do now! There's no way to fix this."

"You said that when we thought you were going to die, and we still beat that, but that's not the point. River, it's not something we're supposed to fix, it's something we're supposed to live with. You're overwhelmed and you have every right to be. It's been less than a day and I know you need more time to deal with this." He sighed. "I just... I need you not to shut me out while you do."

"We didn't beat it." She whispered, turning her head away from him, "I still died. This is all my fault. I should never have agreed to have her."

Terra nudged her ribs.

"Would you give her up now just because of this?"

She tensed even further when Terra kicked, "No... But if I had just made the decision from the start to give her up… or if I had just pulled myself together and not done all of those horribly dangerous things in the beginning, then she wouldn't be like this. It's my fault. And now, every time I look at her, I'll be reminded of how awful I was. Of how I don't deserve her. And of how I am the cause of any struggles she may face because she's deaf."

He disagreed, though knew it wasn't time to voice that. "Then that's when you need to set your mind to. Not what you could have done, not what you might screw up in the future, but how you can limit the struggles she could face. You're her mother and saying you can't do it isn't going to help her. If you don't think you deserve her, then do all you can to earn it."

"I'll never be able to make up for what I did." She shook her head, "And what about the girls now? And Arthur? It's not fair to them that we'll have so much less time for them now. Even less than we had originally thought."

"The girls will be eager to help out, you know they will. There's two of us for a reason. We can balance this out together."

She didn't look convinced, "We have to tell them tonight. We can't keep it from them."

"Do you think you're ready for that?" He asked.

"No." She murmured, "But they'll be upset if we keep it from them. They're upset enough as it is about the whole new baby situation."

"Only because they think they'll lose one of you again. That's not going to happen." He murmured back.

"We still have to tell them." She squeezed her eyes shut, her body refusing to stop shaking.

"I know."

He slowly put a hand on her arm as to make sure it was okay to do so. She slowly turned her head towards him, wanting his comfort. He rubbed her arm, though feeling how much she was really shaking, he pulled her into a warm hug. She fell against him, holding onto him tightly. He let out a breath, relieved that she was letting him close. He made the embrace as welcoming and comforting as he could.

She swallowed, letting out a shaking breath, "We also need to tell Vastra."

"Today?" He clarified, voice soft.

"I don't see the sense in waiting."

"Alright." He nodded. "Let's call her after the girls." She nodded, falling silent. "Do you still want to read your book?" He asked.

She shook her head, "No, I'll just leave you to your work now." She whispered, starting to stand.

"I'll be right here if you need anything." He said, very willing to abandon his work for her.

She nodded, heading for their room on board the TARDIS. She sat for a little while, cleaning a few things up. When it was time to pick the girls up, she headed back to the Doctor's office.

He had began put away his books, leaving his notes out to come back to later.

"I'll go get the baby." She murmured. He nodded, going to get a leash for Toby.

She out to the nursery, to where Arthur was still napping. Being careful not to wake him, she lifted him up out of the crib, blankets and all, and carried him downstairs where the pram was waiting. She set him down, making sure he was still asleep as she re-tucked the blankets around him and pulled the sun visor down so the light wouldn't bother him.

Toby eagerly trotted into the room, dragging in the Doctor by the leash. River looked up, smiling weakly at the sight. "Alright, read-EY!" The last bit was a yelp as Toby gave another firm tug, making the Doctor sprawl forwards.

"Oh! Toby!" River scolded as she pushed the pram out the door, "Gentle!"

The dog listened to her, settling to stroll next to the pram in a protective manner. The Doctor straightened himself out, trying to act as if he'd been in control the whole time.

River smiled, entwining her hand with the Doctor's. "Would you like me to hold the dog and you can push Arthur?"

"No, I can do it." He insisted, puffing his chest out a little.

She squeezed his hand, glancing down at the dog once more. He seemed much more obedient towards her than the Doctor, walking proudly.

"I think he's just excited to do something." The Doctor noted.

She nodded, "Yes, I suppose you're right. We've been so busy with the girls' play we haven't had time for him lately."

"I played with him a lot this week, it's just been today." He pointed out.

She hummed, nodding. "Yes, I guess so."

They made quiet conversation as they went towards the school, arriving and waiting with the other parents. They were still a few minutes early and a couple parents came over to talk to them as they waited. Most were curious about the new baby bump River had since it was her first time out without the perception filter. River tried to seem as relaxed as possible, answering the questions the rest of the parents had.

One mother, who River didn't get along with, and whose daughter the girls' didn't get along with, was standing by, commenting, "Oh my, one baby barely a year and another on the way? Valentine's Day accident?"

The Doctor held River's hand firmly, glaring just the right amount so only she'd notice. "She not an accident." At least, she hadn't been when she was conceived, but the Doctor still took offense. Terra was rare and unique in the universe and these people ought to be honored to be in the presence of a growing Timelord.

"That's the lie we tell all of our accidents." She sneered. The other parents whispered to each other, some in defense of the Songs, the others giving into the other mother, afraid of her.

"Is that what you tell your daughter?" He stood his ground, though wasn't sure where those words had come from. River stared at him, surprised at his reaction.

"Well, I never!" The woman gawked and huffed, sticking her nose in the air. "You ought to learn your place."

"No, you need to learn yours." River snapped, "And maybe you can teach your daughter some manners while you're at it."

"Coming from the woman who let her's miss nearly a month of school for some petty 'family drama'." She shot back.

"You have no idea what goes on with my family," River growled.

"Not when you're so secretive and uptight about every little thing. It's a wonder why no one trusts you." With that, she huffed and walked away, thinking herself above the likes of them.

River turned away, silently waiting for the girls to be let out, which was only a minute later. As soon as they were out the door, she whisked them away, heading home.

"Mummy, we're walking too fast," Freya complained, having thought they might slow down sooner.

She finally started to slow, not realizing how fast she had been walking. "I'm sorry, my love. I didn't realize."

"Are you okay? You and Daddy look kinda mad." She observed.

"We're alright. We got into a little argument with Sasha's mummy. That's all." She murmured, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

"I don't like Sasha." Freya murmured, though appreciated the kiss.

"I know. Let's get home and I'll get you some milk and cookies."

The idea excited both girls and they gladly strolled along back home. Arthur was awake by the time they arrived at home. River set him by his toys in the living room before going to get the girls their snack.

They sat at the kitchen table, completely forgetting to ask more about the argument. River glanced at the Doctor, unsure if now was the time to tell them about their baby sister.

"Once you girls finish that up, Mummy and I have something to tell you." The Doctor said for her.

Amelia looked up in alarm, "A bad thing?"

"That's sort of up for you to decide. Everyone has a different opinion." He said coolly.

She frowned, "What is it?"

"Finish your cookies first." He urged.

"No. I want to know now." She demanded.

"Alright, alright." He sighed, taking River's hand. "It's about your baby sister." River squeezed his hand, her hearts pounding.

"What about her?" Amelia seemed even more alarmed now.

He went right on with it. "We've found out that she's going to be a little different than you and your brother and sister... She's deaf."

"So… she can't hear?" She confirmed.

He nodded. "That's right."

River watched her daughters carefully, waiting for their reaction. They didn't seem to know what to think of this.

"How are we gonna talk to her?"

River answered, "There's something called sign language. It's a way of communicating with your hands. You'll be able to talk to her that way. Daddy knows it and he said he'll teach it to us."

"Show me." Freya insisted, a bit suspicious.

"What do you want me to say?" The Doctor asked.

"Say my name." Freya murmured, staring at his hands.

"[F-R-E-Y-A]" He finger-spelled out the letters for her.

"Now say Amelia and Mummy's names."

He finger-spelled Amelia's name, though for River he used the actual sign for river instead of spelling it.

"Why is Mummy's name different?" Amelia asked.

"Because her name is also a thing and everything has a sign." He explained.

"And you'll teach us?" She asked.

"Yes, of course." He nodded.

"I'm going to go call Vastra." River murmured, standing and kissing the Doctor's temple.

He smiled weakly. "Let me know if you need me there."

She nodded, kissing his forehead once more, "I love you."

"I love you, too." He said without hesitation, explaining more to the girls as she left.