Bye Bye Baby

Chapter 19

Mike heard Steve inhale sharply as he spoke and was sure he saw the young man's bottom lip tremble slightly but Steve spoke quickly albeit in an unsteady voice.

"Now you're just talking crazy. Nothing happened in your house Mike ... except ..." Steve's eyes purposely turned from Mike's unnerving stare as he finished the sentence " ... except we were taken from it, that's all ..."

Mike knew the tell tale sign very well by now and leaned closer into Steve's personal space, feeling the increase in tension that built in the young man as he did.

"Buddy boy ... You're holding out on me. You know how I know? "

Steve's eyes sheepishly came back around to send a sideways stare at Mike and Mike could hear his partner's breathing quicken. Without waiting for a reply, Mike continued in a purposeful and deliberate tone.

"I KNOW ... because YOU my friend are a very bad liar. You always avert your eyes when you're bending the truth just like you did a few seconds ago. Now you look me straight in the eye and tell me nothing happened and ... well THEN I'll believe you."

Steve dry swallowed and stared at Mike and the turmoil that flickered behind their green depths chilled Mike to the core. He opened his mouth to oblige but the words refused to form. He couldn't lie to Mike's face. Of all the people in the world, he couldn't lie openly to Mike. He felt tears start to build in his eyes and blinked them away as the awkward silence lengthened. He felt Mike suddenly clasp his hand and squeeze it before the older man spoke more softly and soothingly this time.

"You can't ... can you Steve? Because something DID happen in my house. Something that's still haunting your dreams and something you're still trying to bottle up and deal with all by yourself. Steve ... we've been partners for what? Two and a half years now, right? Haven't you figured out by now that we're supposed to go through things TOGETHER? As PARTNERS ... That's why there's two of us in this team not one. Why the very meaning of the word partnership is two people working together to the mutual benefit of each other. Mutual Steve. That means sharing with each other. Now come on ... Don't go blocking me out ... I'm right aren't I? Something did happen ... Didn't it?"

Mike could see Steve's emotions bubbling precariously just under the surface as he remained worryingly quiet. But Mike's continuing patience was rewarded eventually by a barely perceptible nod. The older man rewarded Steve's honesty with another comforting squeeze of the young man's hand as he spoke in a warm tone.

"Ok ... Well done ... Now that's a good start. See, that wasn't so hard was it? Now can you tell me what happened that affected you so much? My neighbor Mrs. Donnelly, she ah ... she said you had that bruise on your cheek when you left De Haro Street. Did they ... beat you? Is that it?"

Steve sighed heavily and seemed to sink further back into his pillow as if his head suddenly weighed a ton. Mike allowed him the minutes he needed to pull himself together enough to feel able to share his ordeal and after a few moments of ragged breathing, Steve finally spoke in an anguished tone.

"No ... not exactly. It wasn't something that happened as such ... but rather something that ... almost happened ..."

Mike's brow furrowed as he took that statement in. Confusion and concern were written all over his face as he waited once more patiently for Steve to explain further.

"You see ... um ... I wasn't supposed to go with them Mike ... They only came ... for the baby ..."

"You weren't supposed to ... Oh my God! I never thought that ... I mean I just assumed ... STEVE? They were going to kill you?"

Mike watched as Steve nodded as more moisture collected in the striking green eyes now staring at him in a tortured fashion.

"Yeah ... Damacov, he ah ... had Brigitte taken off me and then he ah ... punched me in the stomach and I was kind of winded so he slammed me down onto the floor and knelt on my back. That's when I ... felt the barrel of the gun pushing into the back of my skull and my whole life just sort of flashed before my eyes, you know? I thought about the past weekend with the guys and that I wouldn't be there for Robbie's wedding ... or to see his kid ... I thought about what we talked about earlier in the car but most of all ... all I could think of was ... that I couldn't die in your house Mike. That house means a lot to you and it holds ... all your memories of Helen and I didn't want you to find me there on ... on your floor ..."

Steve's voice broke and tears fell down his cheeks as the memory of that hellish moment and the whole ordeal finally took their toll and the exhaustion he was feeling, meant that the emotions that Steve had tried so hard to keep inside suddenly refused to be denied expression. Steve covered his face in shame as the upset took over and seeing the imminent melt down coming, Mike let go of Steve's hand and standing up he raced forward, reaching a strong arm under and around Steve's shoulders as he fumbled in his pocket with his free hand and handed the young man the crisp, clean handkerchief. Perching on the edge of the bed beside Steve's pillow, Mike pulled Steve towards him as he spoke soothingly and with understanding.

"Here Steve ... That's ok now. Let it out ... You can't keep that bottled up anymore Steve. It's not healthy ... God Steve! You should have told me about that sooner. "

"I know ... I'm ... I'm sorry Mike ... I ... I thought I could handle it ..."

Rubbing Steve's upper left arm in comforting circles, Mike continued to provide comfort but his own heart was racing inside at the thought of how worse the scene at his house could have been when he had arrived there in the early hours of that fateful morning. To think he could have been confronted by Steve's dead body didn't even bear thinking about and he found himself issuing a silent prayer of thanks that the young man had survived the horror of that awful moment. Waiting until Steve's heart wrenching ragged heaves had settled a little, he smiled as he heard Steve blow his nose quite loudly, the simple act diminishing some of the horror that had preceded it. He glanced down as Steve blew it a second time and wiped it back and front across his nose before speaking again softly.

"You ok?"

Steve nodded and spoke, albeit sounding a little more nasally than before.

"Yeah ... yeah I will be ..."

"Is that what your nightmares are about Buddy boy?"

"Yeah, some of them ... I ah ... can still feel the cold metal against the back of my head ... I feel it in my nightmares and then I hear the click and then I see your face as ... as you find me ..."

Mike swallowed hard as Steve relayed his horrific nightmare but also noted that he had only said "some of them". He dreaded to even contemplate what his other nightmares were about but decided that today's nightmare confession was quite enough for one day. Mike did not relinquish his firm grip on his partner's shoulder despite the fact that Steve was now squirming to be released in an embarrassed fashion.

"Mike, you can let go now ... I'm alright ..."

Mike felt the palpable tremor still running through his partner and shook his head, his hand remaining firmly in place.

"No, Steve. You're not. And after going through something like that, how could you be?"

Mike felt Steve's shoulders slump at his words and spoke again more tentatively, not wanting to draw out Steve's obvious discomfort with this line of questioning but at the same time feeling that it was necessary to free some of Steve's nightmare demons.

"Steve? How did you get ... I mean what made them ... well you know, change their mind?"

Mike waited for several tortuous seconds before a single pained reply came.

"Brigitte ..."

Mike pulled himself forward from his current perched position to study Steve's face incredulously.

"BRIGITTE? How?"

Steve looked sheepishly sideways and caught Mike's eye.

"I ah ... was on the floor and I heard the safety catch being removed and I thought that was it Mike ... I really thought that was going to be how I bought it ...But the baby was crying Mike. She was really screaming and I felt so bad that I'd let her down. Damacov ... he ah ... asked me if I had any last words and ah ... all I could think of were things I wanted to say to you and Jeannie but ... I had nothing to say to him ... "

Steve felt Mike's grip tighten on his shoulder and saw Mike's eyes fill with moisture and looked away embarrassed that he was now causing Mike to be upset by his words.

"Oh God Mike, you don't need to hear this. Let's just forget about it, ok?"

"No, no it's ok ... It's just hard to hear that you went through that, that's all. I'm sorry. I ... I want you to tell me Buddy boy. Really."

Steve looked back at Mike and sighed heavily.

"Mike ..."

"Please Steve. Continue ..."

Another couple of awkward seconds silence followed before Steve reluctantly did as he was asked.

"Ok ... Anyway ah ... Brigitte's cries gave me an idea so I ... I told him if he shot me, he'd have to listen to her crying for them all the time ... but that I could calm her down ..."

"That was good thinking Buddy boy. I take it he ah ... went for it?"

"Yeah ... He hauled me back up and they handed her to me and ... I mean she could have still cried Mike and ... and if she had ... well I wouldn't be here talking to you now. She stopped just as I needed her too. She saved my life Mike. As crazy as it sounds that two month old baby saved my life ... She's the only reason they brought me along. I think ah ... I think that's what made it so much harder when I was on that roof and I couldn't feel her moving ... I felt I hadn't repaid the favor ... Mike? I can't help feeling like I ... I let everybody down ..."

Steve's voice broke a second time and Mike saw the handkerchief come up again to wipe at the young man's face and from the grip he still held on his young partner's shoulders he felt a renewed tremor. The fact that he had come so precariously close to losing his partner permanently was still causing Mike's own emotions to fray but Steve's self condemnation was enough to give him the strength he needed to speak with conviction and support.

"HEY! Hey now, stop that. Why would you even think that Steve? You were abducted and ridiculously out numbered and yet you still managed to escape up onto that roof and save that baby's life. You haven't let anyone down. What are you talking about?"

Behind his hand, Steve's anguished voice spoke in broken intervals.

"I ... I fell asleep Mike ... After you left ... I couldn't get her to settle. Every time I got her to sleep in my arms and tried to put her down in her basket she woke up and cried again. I was so tired Mike ... I couldn't pace with her anymore so I sat down with her on the couch and I ... I fell asleep with her in my arms ... I never heard them until it was too late ... I mean ... I heard the door open and I was half asleep. I thought it was you back ... I never even thought it could be someone after Brigitte ..."

Steve's rant continued and Mike stopped him mid flow, a hint of a smile crossing his face.

"STEVE! Listen to me will you? It was late and you'd been in work early that morning and I know how tired you were. It wasn't a crime to fall asleep Buddy boy. Besides ... you weren't doing anything wrong Steve. Most babies her age act up like that. They don't want to go down into a basket if they can stay cozy and warm in someone's arms. Why I remember falling asleep on that very couch many times with Jeannie as a very small baby for the EXACT same reasons."

"You did?"

"Absolutely ... I think you'll find most new parents do at some stage or other for the sake of a few badly needed hours sleep ... and anyway, I'm ... well I'm glad you fell asleep."

Steve sniffed and then whipped his head around and looked at Mike in confusion.

"You're GLAD?"

Mike nodded solemnly.

"Yes ... Steve, if you'd been awake, I know you. You would have tried to fight them off single-handedly and in a gunfight against that many and holding a baby in your arms at the same time, I don't think ... well I don't think that would have had a pleasant outcome now, do you?"

Steve remained staring at the older man. He hadn't thought of it like that and couldn't really argue the odds. He shook his head slowly as Mike's words made sense but then a few seconds later, he seemed to become agitated again.

"Ok, ok maybe you're right about that but that's not all Mike ... In the warehouse ... they tied me to a chair and ah ... they wanted me to tell them where you had gone to find the baby's mother ... I didn't tell them anything Mike but then they got word that you'd got her and they wanted me to tell them where you'd take her. I wouldn't have said anything, Mike ... I SWEAR but then they ... they took the baby and Damacov he ... he had a knife to her back ... I couldn't let him hurt her Mike ... So I told them you'd probably take her to Bryant Street. I let you down ... and then when they went to send you a message ... I ... I was trying to be brave but ... when he started to cut behind my ear ... I ... I panicked Mike. They were laughing at me Mike and then I ... I dropped her bottle when I was heading for the roof. It rolled out into the corridor ... I knew she needed it but I could hear them coming and ... and I couldn't risk trying to get it ..."

"Alright, alright. Stop. That's enough now ... "

Mike stood up and came around in front of Steve and grabbed his shoulders to draw his attention. The young man looked both tortured and shook and it was a sight that he hated to see. The horrific ordeal had deeply affected his normally calm and able to cope with anything partner and he knew in that second that he had to do everything he could to pull him back and help him with the aftermath of his ordeal.

"Listen to me now Steve. Are you listening?"

Steve nodded dolefully, his eyes never leaving Mike's.

"Steve, you didn't let ANYONE down and I don't want to hear you talking like that again. Everything you did from the time you were taken, you did to keep you and that baby ALIVE! And you DID IT! Steve, no-one should have to go through what you did. NO-ONE! But you did what you HAD to and you SURVIVED ... and what's more you got all those who mattered through it with you. You made it up to that roof even with a knife sticking out of your leg and how you managed to stop Dmitriy from throwing you both off that roof, I swear I'll never know. You see that's the image that will haunt me Steve. Seeing him barreling towards you when I reached that roof and not being near enough to help you..."

Mike stopped and closed his eyes briefly as that image burned across his memory for a second or two. He felt Steve's hand alight on his arm and from it found the strength to continue what he had to say.

"Now ... you said you didn't repay the favor to Brigitte for saving your life but ... well I think you're WRONG. When Dmitriy swung that machete he wasn't aiming for you, was he? He was aiming for Brigitte strapped to your chest ... wasn't he Steve?"

Steve dropped his eyes to his chest and nodded. He had forgotten that amidst everything else. Mike was right.

"Thats what I thought ... Don't you see Steve? You turned to save her. That's why you have that gash in your side and why you've already repaid that favor in full. She wouldn't have survived a blow from that and you know it. Steve, because of YOU that baby got to be reunited with her Mother and Elena gets another chance at a new life away from the likes of Grigori Damacov! You did your job and you shouldn't feel ashamed. You should be PROUD of yourself for getting through all that. I know that ... I'M proud of you! "

He watched as Steve lifted his head and blushed at Mike's words.

"Steve, this is bound to cause some scars ... and I'm not just talking about the one on your leg or the one on your side. I'm talking about the ones up here Buddy boy ... " he added, gently tapping Steve's temple. "You're going to have to talk this out with Lenny ..."

"Aw Mike ..." Steve began to protest but Mike didn't let him continue.

"I KNOW, ok. I know you hate that but you HAVE to if you want to fully put this whole sorry episode behind you and ... deep down I think you know that too. Now not today but ... please, promise me you'll talk to Lenny about all this. I know you and if I'm calling it right, what you've told me is just the tip of the iceberg of what you actually suffered in all of this. Will you promise?"

Steve scowled and then went quiet before finally nodding reluctantly.

"Ok ... ok I'll talk to him ..."

"You promise?"

"Yeah ... yeah I promise ..."

"Good man! " Mike announced with a wide beaming smile but then he saw the exhaustion etched on Steve's face. It had been a grueling night and morning for the young man and the recent upset and recounting of some of the horrors he had endured had only worn him out even more. He looked done in and Mike knew what he needed badly now was a good rest.

"You look beat Steve. Here ... let me fix your pillows and get you more comfortable and you should try and get some sleep now."

Mike stood and fixed Steve's pillows and when he was settled better he asked tentatively.

"Are you in any pain?"

"No, no not at the minute."

"Ok, try and get some sleep now. Now that you've talked about things a little and got them off your chest, hopefully the nightmares wont bother you anymore for now. Don't worry about the Doctor. I'll speak to him when he gets here." Mike said, settling into the visitor's chair, taking out his reading glasses from his inside jacket pocket and popping them on as he then picked up a discarded magazine to pass the time.

Steve nodded gratefully and turned his head to his right, nestling into the soft pillow and feeling very sleepy. However, watching Mike where he now sat rifling through the pages of the magazine, he couldn't help but feel grateful for the words of wisdom Mike had just shared with him and for the never ending support he always gave him. He felt so lucky to have a partner like Mike and in that moment he somehow felt that everything was going to be ok. Mike had his back and always would have. He stayed watching Mike quietly while his eyelids grew heavier and his brain worked overtime. Suddenly Mike turned and looked over his glasses at him and smiled wider.

"You do know, you're not going to be able to go asleep with your eyes still open, don't you?"

That made a huge grin break out across Steve's face.

"Yeah ... Sorry, I was just thinking that's all."

"Uh oh ... Look out, he's thinking! ..." Mike replied humorously as he pushed his glasses up onto his head and playfully swatted at Steve's pillow with his magazine.

Steve laughed and it did Mike's heart good to hear it.

"No, I just wanted to ah ... well ... say thanks Mike ..."

Mike's smile grew even warmer as he turned his head to study Steve more closely.

"What for?"

"For knocking some sense into me and ... for always being there ..."

Reaching out with his hand this time he ruffled Steve's already disheveled bed hair and spoke with a distinct trace of emotion in his voice.

"Anytime Buddy boy ... anytime ... Now close those eyes and go to ... SLEEP!" he added in a no nonsense tone.

Steve giggled and closed his eyes just as he was told to, hearing Mike muttering under his breath as he did.

"Now ... where did I put those damn glasses?"

Steve giggled again as he spoke in a drowsy sounding slur.

"They're ... on your ... head Mike ..."

"Oh ... so they are! Thanks Buddy boy. I keep losing these damn things. You know Steve, I was thinking too. I don't think you have to worry about not being husband or father material as you put it. I think well ... the way you handled yourself with Brigitte that ah ... you'd make a really good father some day ... What do you think?"

Mike glanced over and saw Steve's eyes closed and as no reply came, he leaned a little closer.

"Steve? " he whispered just as he heard a soft snore coming from the young man in the bed.

Shaking his head from side to side, he allowed himself a quiet chuckle as he pulled up the covers around his partner and settled back with the magazine again to the comforting sound of his partner finally at rest.

The rest of the afternoon went off fairly quietly and uneventfully. Dr. Morrow had arrived on cue just a short while after Steve had drifted off and Mike had outlined to him in no uncertain terms the fact that he was not happy about Nurse Carter's care of his partner and was pleased to have her replaced by another more pleasant looking nurse instead. Steve had slept for about five hours straight without a budge and while Mike was happy that the young man was finally getting some well needed rest he also found it a little worrying. As the new Nurse came in for the third time to check her patient, Mike aired his concerns quietly.

"Excuse me but ... should he be sleeping that long? Nurse ah ...?"

"Nurse Bowen but you can call me Martha. He's been through quite a lot. Between the blood loss and the infection, they've fairly wiped him out energy wise. His body is just catching up on all it has lost. There's no harm in him sleeping. When he wakes up later, we'll just need to get some food into him, that's all."

Mike seemed satisfied by her answer and smiled at her. She was the complete opposite to Nurse Carter and seeing her youthful and more pleasant appearance he felt sure that Steve would like her just as much. Thanking her, he watched as she did her checks and left just as efficiently. He settled back in the chair and rubbed his eyes just as there was a faint knock on the door. Knowing the medical staff never knocked before entering, he wondered who the visitor could be. Stealing another glance across at his still sleeping partner, he lifted himself from the chair and groaned as the sore, stiff muscles in his legs protested their lack of exercise today.

Reaching the door, he pulled it open and his jaw dropped as he saw Laura Reynolds standing there holding baby Brigitte in her arms, wrapped in a pink baby blanket.

"Well, well are you a sight for sore eyes or what? You look great and she looks as cute as ever ..." he added, smiling and making funny faces at the small baby in Laura's arms and feeling proud when she smiled at them. "How is she doing? Has she been discharged?"

Laura was the picture of happiness and it warmed Mike's heart to see it. The poor girl had been through so much in her short lifetime and finally she seemed to be happy and at peace.

"Oh she's doing great and yes, they just discharged her a while ago. I ... well I hope you don't mind but I wanted to come and thank you both. You've done so much for me Lieutenant Stone and for my baby. I ... can never repay you and your partner and Jeannie and Kathy for all you've done for us. Art told me how you had him locate my Grandmother back East. She's been in touch and she wants us to go and stay with her in New York! Can you believe it? My parents are divorced and my Dad never told her about the baby. She wants to help us out. It's like a dream come true. Thank you so much ... for everything" she added emotionally as she clasped Mike's hand and squeezed it in utmost gratitude.

Mike smiled and placed his other hand over hers.

"Seeing you and Brigitte happy and well looked after will be thanks enough for all of us and I've told you before Laura, call me Mike, ok?"

"Ok ... Mike. How is your partner? Steve ... wasn't it?"

Mike's smile faded slightly and he cast a quick glance back at Steve's bed before turning back around to answer the young girl standing just outside the door with a renewed force to his smile.

"Yes, that's right Steve. Steve Keller ... Oh ... he'll be fine. He's got a bit of recovery ahead of him ... Especially with his leg and he's having some issues about what happened but ... he'll be fine ... Don't you worry."

"Well he's certainly got the right man in his corner. Do you think I could possibly see him for a few minutes ... please? "

"Oh I'm ah ... not sure he's up to visitors just yet, I'm afraid. He's asleep right now and the nurse says he needs to rest ..."

"Oh I see ... I do understand really and I don't want to be any trouble but I promise I wouldn't stay long. It's just that my Grandmother flew in this morning and she's collecting us in about a half an hour and we're flying back with her this afternoon. I really want to thank him for minding Brigitte and for keeping her safe and I don't think ... well that I'll get another chance to ..."

Mike glanced once more over at Steve. He still hadn't budged and Mike felt a little torn. He understood Laura wanting to thank Steve and in one way he felt her thanks might help Steve realize that what he did was heroic even if right now he wasn't quite believing those who told him. On the other hand he wasn't sure how Steve would react to seeing the baby again just yet especially as she was an intricate part of his ordeal and would be a living reminder of what he endured. Finally, after a moment or two of reflection, he spoke appeasingly to the young girl.

"I'll tell you what. I'll see if I can wake him and if he says he's up to seeing you I'll let you in to see him for a few minutes, ok? Just wait there a second."

Laura smiled and hugged Brigitte as Mike went back into the room and approached Steve's bed. Coming alongside Steve's sleeping form he sat on the edge of the bed and reached a hand up to his partner's shoulder. Very gently shaking him, he spoke softly.

"Steve? ... STEVE? Wake up for a minute will you?"

Steve faintly stirred and with eyes still closed , a slurred response left the young man's lips.

"No ... more soup ... Mike. Not ... hungry"

Mike smiled and shook his head before shaking him a little more firmly.

"Steve, I wasn't giving you soup. I need you to wake up!"

Another drowsy, slurred reply followed

"Not now ... Mike ... Need to ... sleep "

Again Mike chuckled and thought twice about shaking him a third time. But Laura was still outside and he didn't have the heart to send her away.

"Steve, I know you need to sleep but there's someone here just wants to see you for a minute or two. "

Mike's words seemed to finally filter through Steve's drowsiness and Mike watched one of his eyes open just a crack.

"Who? ... The Doc ..."

Mike shook his head.

"No Steve. Not the Doctor. "

Steve opened both eyes and stared sleepily at the older man as a grimace crossed his face.

"Aw NOT Lenny ... Not again, Mike please?"

"Relax! It's NOT Lenny either ... It's ... it's Laura ... She just wants to see you for a few minutes, that's all. She's at the door."

Steve seemed to wake up better at the mention of Laura's name and he lifted his head a little off the pillow while a strange apprehensive look crossed his face.

"Laura? Brigitte's mother?"

Mike nodded.

"Does she have ... Brigitte with her?"

"Yes ..."

Mike watched anxiously as lots of different emotions crossed Steve's face at the same time.

"Mike ... I'm not sure I can see them yet. I ... ah ... I don't think I can Mike ... "

A/N : Thank you to all those continuing to read and enjoy this story.x