[A/N: I think it's safe to say that if you have trigger regarding unhealthy relationships and unwanted pressuring in said relationships then you might want to just skim this chapter.]

Ch 28

The TARDIS went into flight after a few minutes, as the Doctor had gotten all the kids and their things inside. Vastra's voice eventually could be heard as she took over watch of the children, then the Doctor's footstep coming closer to the med-bay.

He entered the room. "How's the pain?"

"Getting worse..." River whispered, curled up on one of the cots.

"Vastra's here. She said hello and hopes you're alright." He relayed the message to her, speaking softly so he wouldn't agitate her headache.

"Can we find out what's wrong?" She asked, more worried about the baby than anything.

He nodded, going over to their equipment. He brought over what looked a bit like a crown, with wires connected to a scanner. He placed it on hear head, attaching some of the loose wires to her temples with sticky circles.

"Why does something always have to go wrong?" She whispered.

He didn't have a good answer for that, taking her hand as an act of comfort. "Nothing of great value is ever handed over on a silver platter."

She nodded, taking in a deep breath. He brushed his thumb anxiously over her skin as he stared at the scanner and waited for results. "...That's not good." He murmured when the screen finally beeped.

Her stomach dropped to her toes, "Doctor… what is it?"

He looked up at her, keeping his expression and tone level. "It's Terra. Your connection is being cut."

"Why?" She whispered, "And why is it so painful?" She had had her connection with a baby cut before, but it had never caused her pain.

"The neglect of the connection is causing it to break down and Terra's own withdrawal from you is like wrenching a tree from the ground- as opposed to an external force which works more like scissors." He made a noise somewhere between concern and a sigh. "Any connection disruption is painful unless naturally faded."

She shook her head, "How do we stop it?"

"You need to let go of Arthur and start using your connection with our daughter." He said quietly, knowing that she didn't like that option.

"No." She flatly refused, "I'm not letting go of him."

"You won't immediately lose him, it'll start deteriorating like it did with the girls." He tried to persuade. "But you will permanently lose communication with Terra if you don't do this."

"I need to be connected with Arthur. I can't lose him." She shook her head, trying to stand and take the device off of her head.

He pushed her shoulder lightly back down. "He's not going anywhere, River. He's still going to be safe and sound in your arms. He's learning to talk now, he knows how to communicate with to you without telepathy. His world won't end, but Terra's will. This is all she has right now and it'll be all she has until she can use sign. She already clearly feels scared that you're not there."

"I can't. He may not need it, but I do." She stood again, "I don't want to let go of him, I'm not ready yet."

"There isn't a way for you to have them both." He worried he might lose this. "Would you like me to get him?"

"No, Doctor, you can't change my mind! I've told you that I don't want to let go of him!"

"You'll only have his connection for maybe a couple more months before it goes on its own. I don't understand why you're denying Terra this." He frowned, biting his tongue.

"Because I don't want her!" She shouted, "I've tried to tell you this again and again but you won't listen!"

"Because you still care." He whispered. His tone seemed bitter, but his expression had fallen and his gaze had dropped to the floor.

He pressed his lips tightly together turning to leave. She watched him go, swallowing thickly. He wanted to turn around. He wanted to hold her and give her more time, to stop her physical and emotional pain, but his feet kept moving forwards. His brain was too busy working on 'Because I don't want her'.

River could have chosen the world where she'd miscarried, she could've gotten rid of Terra when he'd first suggested or even in the many months where she'd hid the pregnancy from him. She could have just told him she didn't want another one, but she kept on willingly trying with him. All her actions pointed his thoughts in the opposite direction of River's words, but it didn't stop him from being confused and hurt.

River locked the door as soon as he was gone, crying silently, alone in the med bay. Her head pounded and a part of her was regretting what she had said, but she wouldn't take it back.

The pain was growing to the point where it was blinding. The red didn't stop, sometimes becoming brighter. Inky blue and the itchy gray occasionally made it's way onto the sides but were always soon overtaken by the red. The other colors only made River more upset.

She didn't know what to do, not wanting to be the reason her daughter felt so alone, but nowhere near ready to give up her connection with Arthur. The knot in her stomach only tightened and she wished that she hadn't pushed her husband away. She couldn't make the decision on her own and she was running out of time.

The TARDIS hummed in a way only a mother could, assuring River that she'd do something. A moment later, footsteps came and a feminine voice was hushing a baby. River fell silent, not wanting to see Arthur or Vastra, the two she was guessing we're coming down the hall.

"Muuuummauuuh! Mumumumuh!" Arthur didn't seem at all happy with Vastra or the lack of River around him. The wailing made River's pain in her head unbearable and she was on the verge of passing out.

There came another set of footsteps and this time a man's voice. "Here, let me take him." River still refused to make a sound, her eyes fluttering shut as the pain started to completely take over.

The TARDIS practically growled at those in the hall, pushing the med-bay doors closer to them. Vastra turned at looked at the doors directly behind her, "That's odd..." She murmured.

The Doctor looked as well. "It's the med bay." He murmured. Behind the doors, River lay completely unconscious. "The old girl has been leading me in circles."

Vastra raised an eyebrow, "Do you think perhaps you should go inside then?"

He looked at the floor. "River and I got into a fight." He admitted, though wasn't sure if 'fight' was the right word for it. "I don't think she'll want to see me."

"That may be true, but if the TARDIS won't let you get away from the room, wouldn't you believe there's a good reason for it?"

He nodded slowly opening his mouth to say something, but closing it and instead internally scolding himself. This wasn't the time to run. This wasn't the time to leave River to do this on her own, it was something that concerned both of them and if he were in her place he wouldn't want to be alone. He suddenly felt very guilty for leaving in the first place, adjusting Arthur on his hip. "Why'd she bring you here too?"

Arthur was still crying, "Muuuuummmmaauuhh" He made grabby hands towards the door, sensing that's where River was.

The Doctor rubbed Arthur's back, deciding that was the answer to his question. "Are you going to come in?"

Vastra shook her head, "You two should go in alone."

He nodded and finally moved to enter the door, though the moment the doors slid open Arthur started crying even louder and the Doctor's hearts dropped to his knees as he saw his wife. "River!"

Vastra immediately took the baby out of his arms so he could help River who had cut her head on the edge of the cot when she had fallen. He gathered his wife up in his arms and put her on the cot. "This is my fault, this is my fault I shouldn't have left."

"I'm sure it wasn't entirely your fault." Vastra murmured, trying to hush the baby.

"I thought she'd choose Arthur when I left but she hasn't chosen yet." He murmured, placing his fingers on her temples.

"Can she still choose if she's like this?" Vastra asked, concerned for her friend and the baby.

"Not without guidance. She won't know which way she's going unless she can fight the process." He closed his eyes. "Watch her vitals for me."

She nodded, watching the equipment, "Be careful..."

"Careful is relative." Especially where he was going. River's mind was not an easy place to navigate through, but none the less, he entered.

It was almost as if River's mind was on fire and overwhelming feelings of terror, despair and loneliness were immediate feelings that hit him. The Doctor immediately worked on trying to counter and dampen the emotions, not sure if they belonged to Terra or River. There were still shields up over memories and sections that River hadn't had the opportunity to take down.

River immediately resisted the Doctor's presence in her mind, not understanding who the intruder was. He physically tensed as River wasn't gentle with these things. He tried to show her familiarity and a few memories she would recognize belonged to him.

She opened her mind a bit more, but she was still rather resistant due to the fight they had had.

"Do you understand what's happening?" He tried, knowing that he couldn't go directly to her yet. There was no response from her, though it was unclear if she hadn't heard, or if she was just ignoring him.

He concealed his frustration, instead moving on to searching for her, though that was perhaps more difficult. "We don't have much time. This could to a lot of damage to your brain and our daughter if you don't let me help."

River let the blockade melt a bit more, but refused to give herself up completely. She wasn't ready to choose, and she knew that if she completely let him in, then she would have to.

He was able to feel where Terra was yanking on at this point, moving towards where her mind and River's connected.

Normally, an aura of a calm warmth would be present around it and it would look almost like if someone had made a rope out of pale regeneration energy. What he saw had more of a theme of someone's arm being ripped out, the rope thin, red, and dripping and straining on River's mind in a way that made even him wince.

He could still see tendrils of where Terra was still trying to reach out or had already tried, those parts cut, burnt, or reaching for nothing.

The barriers in River's mind weakened further, not by choice this time, but because she was losing the strength to hold them up.

The Doctor looked down the rope to see if it would lead anywhere, noting quickly that it swelled like a sore muscle. The red was dark and heavy and almost fog like, just as River had described. She had to be in there somewhere.

Deep within the fog, River was hiding, surrounded by tormenting memories of her death less than a year before, the babies she had lost, and the fear of the future ahead of them, all of the things holding her back from making her decision.

The Doctor looked for a way into the fog, trying hard to think of how to get through it. There was really only one path and that was the connection, but he was afraid to walk on it. Would he snap it? Would he affect it in some way?

Itchy gray flooded around him for a moment, though not from the baby this time. The color was soon dominated by the red once more.

"River, I need a bridge. Please, you can't keep doing this alone." He begged. There was nothing for a few minutes as she considered her options. Finally, a weak path started to form, as it was the best she could do.

The Doctor wasted no time moving across as fast as could be done, hesitating for a moment when he reached the edge of the fog. He could get as lost as River was in there, but he also might find her and that was all to motivation needed to step inside.

The bridge that River had built collapsed behind him as it took a great deal of effort for River to maintain since all her mind wanted to do was focus on the pain.

"Where are you? I'm here, how to I find you?" The Doctor asked more frantically than before.

"I don't know..." She whispered, "I don't know where I am." Her words echoed around him as the fog began to form an environment.

He at first thought it was because he was near River, but then realized it was a defense. It was a graveyard, one styled as the kind that was built after wars and there was only one name on all the graves: William.

Even though it was her mind's own defense, the sight still pained River. She could still feel it and it hurt more than she could explain. "No!"

The Doctor saw the false sky flash a grey-green, River's voice like thunder. "River, let me to you. Please, I can help end this."

"I don't know how!"

He stopped running. "Focus. Think of me. Pick a memory and think of it."

She tried to focus on one of her favorite memories of him, but her concentration kept swaying. The names on the graves changed, some still reading William, some Terra, and some Arthur.

"No, River you've got to concentrate. I know you can, you're the strongest woman I know." He paused, trying not to look at the graves. "Our second wedding. You remember that? A proper wedding that we could invite all our friends to, your parents to."

She tried hard to concentrate on the memory, thinking of the feeling of his hands in hers. The names of their children started to melt from the graves so they were just slabs of stone. The Doctor concentrated on the same memory, how beautiful she looked in that dress. Her feeling of terror slowly began to fade too as she became more relaxed with the memory.

The graveyard began to morph until the gravestones were just rocks lying on a ground of grass. The Doctor moved forwards, spotting a figure sitting on the ground. She had her hands over her eyes and her back to him. He reached her, sitting in front of her "River."

She slowly removed her hands from her eyes, looking up at him. He put his hand over hers. "I'm so, so sorry." She sniffed, tensing when he touched her. "Do you know what's happening?" He asked his first question again.

She shook her head.

"The process Terra started isn't stopping and you're caught in the middle of it." He began to explain, keeping his voice as soothing as he could as he went through the whole thing with her. She tried to hide how scared she was, but she was struggling a great deal.

The thoughts around them were melting as her mind weakened with the ever growing pain. The grass faded back into the red fog.

"I'm so very sorry, but you've got to choose now or Terra will decide for you."

"I can't. I can't choose between my two children." It was a much different answer than before.

"Who would it hurt more?"

"I don't know. It would hurt both of them."

He shook his head, "Arthur would be alright... Have you seen what your connection with Terra looks like?" He asked.

She shook her head, "Arthur...I can't lose him." She whispered.

"You won't lose the connection all at once. He's not going to go anywhere. He's here in the room, waiting for you to open your eyes."

"I can't." She murmured, "My eyes won't open."

"Because we're trapped here until you choose." He reminded.

"I don't want to choose! I've told you that I don't want to!"

"You haven't seen the connection." He whispered.

"I don't want to see it." She shook her head.

"Why?" He frowned.

"Because I don't want to pick her."

"Yet you don't want to lose her either."

"I'm not ready to have her. I don't want to do this." She shook her head.

"Then you must already know what you'd see if you looked at your connection."

"Stop pushing me!" The fog fluctuated, making a sharp point to pierce him with. He winced, flinching sideways as his side was impaled. "I can't do this. I'm not ready to let go of him." The more distressed she became, the more the graveyard scene began to return.

"Think of what binds you to him in the first place." He looked around nervously at the stones. She tried to think of their connection, the names on the stones reappearing. "What makes you his mother isn't that you can talk to him without words, it's because you care for him through thick and thin. You're there when he asks for you and you give him what he needs. That's not going to stop, not ever." He said.

"I can't...Doctor, I can't." She shook her head, "I won't do it."

"So choose Arthur then."

"But that's not what you want."

"It's a choice and it's what will get us out of here." She was right, though.

River closed her eyes, and one of the connections snapped, though at the moment only she knew which. The red fog all of a sudden vanished and they were left in what looked like the Singing Towers of Darillium.

He blinked at her, holding his side. "...You did it."

"Please go away now." She whispered, the barriers in her mind slowly returning, though they looked damaged. She immediately began blocking him out, hiding the connection she had chosen from him.

He thought about protesting, but her tone of voice and barriers had him withdrawing himself back into reality.

River was still unconscious, Vastra watching them with concern.

The Doctor lowered his hands, arms aching from holding them up so long. "... I think she'll be sleeping for a little while."

Vastra nodded slowly, still trying to calm Arthur down, who seemed to be crying even harder now. Arthur could feel the choice River had made, sobbing as his connection with his mother already began to weaken.

"Put him on River's chest." The Doctor said tiredly. "He's probably upset about her choice." He was under the impression that River had chosen Arthur, also aware that Arthur had encouraged the opposite yesterday.

Vastra gently lay the baby on her chest, watching the little boy wiggle and whimper against his mother. The Doctor moved his wife's hand over the boy, hoping it might help to calm him. "Don't worry, lovie. She'll wake up soon."

"Muuuuuummmahhh." He whimpered, wiggling.

The Doctor stroked the infant's back. "Shh, it'll be alright."

"I'll leave you two alone." Vastra murmured, quietly leaving the room. He murmured a thank you for her help as she left.

River didn't wake up for another hour or two, her eyes opening slowly. Arthur was the first to notice, as his father his fallen asleep in the chair holding River's hand. "Muh!"

"Hello, my love." She whispered, "I'm so sorry..."

He nuzzled to her. Weaker.

"I know." She swallowed, holding him close, "I'm sorry."

"Tuppph." Sister?

River closed her eyes, not wanting to talk or think about Terra.

Sister! "Buh-d." Sister hurt?

"No, she's fine." That's all she would say on the matter.

Arthur relaxed. "Mummm," She didn't say anything else. Staying very, very quiet.

Terra's connection was stronger now, a constant and much warmer hum in the back of River's mind just as it had been with the other children. River made no effort to acknowledge the connection. Keeping her mind blank.

Arthur babbled quietly, mostly to himself. He was pleased to have his mummy awake as it was a huge comfort from the shock of their deteriorating connection.

She rubbed his back, glancing at the Doctor. The Timelord was slumbering in the chair, still with River's hand in his. The ordeal has tired him as well, though probably not as much as River. She gently pulled her hand out of his, closing her eyes once more.

He didn't stir, though his hand clenched at the now empty space between his fingers and lack of warmth. River started to fall asleep again, holding the baby close against her.