Bye Bye Baby
A/N : Apologies for not getting to update yesterday. Real Life is very hectic at the minute and I had a lot on. Here is the next update and thank you for your patience.
Chapter 20
Steve's voice was getting more panicked by the second and Mike could feel the tension rising within the prone young man and so he calmly intervened, placing a calming hand on Steve's arm as he did.
"Ok, ok calm down. Breathe slower Steve ... Now listen to me, will you? I understand that seeing the baby again will bring back unpleasant memories but ... I located Laura's Grandmother in New York. Apparently she was never told about Brigitte and she wants to take them both out there and look after them. She flew in this morning and she's taking them back with her on a flight this afternoon. Now, no one's going to force you to see her but ... well if you don't see her now then ... you're probably not going to get another chance to ... So I want you to think about what you want to do very carefully Buddy boy. "
Steve stared helplessly at the older man as he processed Mike's words. He rubbed a shaky hand through his already messed up hair and then rubbed at his eyes to try and get the remainder of sleep from them.
"I don't know Mike ... I really don't know ..."
"Steve? The last time you saw the baby you were worried about her. You thought she wasn't moving, right? "
"Yeah ..."
"Well she looks great now. Maybe seeing her now, happy and smiling might help erase some of those bad memories for you, huh? What do you think? Laura just wants to thank you Steve. "
Steve snorted in a self derogatory way.
"What does she have to thank me for, huh Mike? For not protecting her baby and letting her be taken by a ruthless Russian Gang and for letting them take us to a rat infested room full of dead bodies, huh?"
"STEVE! Don't start THAT again. She has to thank you for keeping her baby alive until help came ... Now you have to make a decision ... Do I tell her you're not up to it or are you going to see them for a few minutes. What's it to be?"
Steve sighed heavily and his hand nervously crossed his lips several times, avoiding the swollen and split part purposefully, before he finally looked up anxiously at Mike.
"She really looks ok?"
"Yes, she looks terrific."
"Are you going to stay in the room?"
"Do you want me to?"
"Yeah."
"Then yes, I'll stay in the room."
Another loud exhalation followed and then Steve spoke bravely.
"Ok ... ok you can show them in but help me sit up a little first, will ya? And I need a comb. My hair must look a wreck."
"The Wreck of the Hesperus ... " Mike said smiling.
"What?"
"Oh sorry ... It was just something my old man used to say that's all. What you said just then reminded me of it. When we were messy he'd say we looked like the Wreck of the Hesperus. Didn't you ever hear that expression before?"
Steve shook his head.
"No ... No, I didn't. But that's probably a fair description of what I look like."
Mike held out his arm and carefully got Steve sitting up a little and handing him a comb he watched Steve comb his hair into some wavy semblance of semi-normality, wincing as he forgot about the bandage behind his ear and combed the dressing in error.
"Ow ... I keep forgeting about that ..."
"Hey! Watch the bald patch." Mike added humorously to try and dispel the slight uneasiness and tremor palpably running through his young partner at the prospect of seeing his fellow hostage once again, but his humor was rewarded by a gentle swat with the comb still in Steve's hand.
Finally fixing the pillows better behind Steve so that he was lying back against them, his right arm now curled protectively around his throbbing rib cage, Mike asked one final time.
"Ok, you look fine. You ready for me to bring them in?"
Every fiber in Steve's body was screaming at him to say no but taking another deep steadying breath he spoke over the negative voices in his own head.
"Yeah ... I'm as ready as I'll ever be."
Mike smiled and warmly patted his arm before heading for the door, casting one final glance back at Steve as he reached it, unnerved by the anxiety that was visibly coursing through Steve's body.
Stepping outside for a second, he gently took Laura to one side and spoke softly so that Steve wouldn't hear.
"Laura, he says he'll see you both but well ... he's a little fragile still and seeing Brigitte ... well it might rake up some nasty memories of their ordeal so just tread lightly, ok? And if he seems a little off well ... well that's why."
"I understand. Don't worry Lieutenant ... ah Mike, sorry. I'll be careful."
"I know you will Laura. Ok, come on then. Let's not keep him waiting."
Mike allowed Laura and Brigitte to enter first and followed quickly behind. As Laura approached on the right side of Steve's bed, Mike raced around on the left just in case he was needed.
"Steve, this is Laura Reynolds. Brigitte's mother. Laura, this is Steve."
"I'm pleased to finally meet you Laura ... " Steve said in a shaky voice as their hands met and shook warmly but Mike could see his partner staring anxiously at the covered, currently, unmoving bundle lying against Laura's right shoulder.
Laura nodded her greeting but then winced in sympathy as she spotted the Officer's swollen lip and bruised face. She came closer and releasing Steve's hand she reached out and very gently touched his cheek, her finger lightly trailing along the bruise, making Steve shiver at her touch.
"Oh your poor face. Those men were ... animals ... How ... are you doing?"
Steve swallowed hard and replied as calmly as his hammering heart would allow.
"The leg and the ribs are a little sore but I'll be ok. How's Brigitte?"
Laura dropped her hand at the mention of her baby and she smiled broadly as she adjusted the baby in her arms and pulled down the pink baby blanket so that Steve could finally get a look at the baby's face. She was sucking her pacifier and snuggling into her Mother's neck and Mike heard Steve gasp quietly as he saw her again.
"She's doing great ... thanks to you. The Doctor just gave her a clean bill of health. "
"She looks terrific ... " Steve uttered, relief clearly audible in his tone. "But you don't have to thank me. Mike and the other officers deserve all the thanks for coming to our rescue."
Laura looked across at Mike and saw him scowl at Steve's statement and then she placed a hand on Steve's shoulder and spoke purposefully.
"I ... spoke to Elena down at Bryant Street, Steve. She told me everything you did for my baby. She told me how you did everything you could to not let them take her; how you wrapped her in your jacket so she wouldn't get cold even though you were freezing yourself and how you gave them information so they wouldn't harm her and ... how you begged her to save the baby with not a single thought for yourself ... "
Mike watched as Laura recounted things that even he himself hadn't managed to glean from either Elena or Steve yet and a lump rose in his throat as he watched Steve's bottom lip quiver, knowing those memories would be difficult for him to deal with. He reached down and grabbed Steve's hand that lay on the bed beside him and felt it trembling as he saw Steve struggle to speak.
"She ... told you all that?"
Laura nodded and then smiled warmly despite the contrasting, glistening tears visible in her eyes.
"Yes ... So I'm thanking YOU Steve Keller for helping her come home to me and giving us a second chance ..."
Steve felt that he couldn't argue his point anymore. Not if she knew all that. He was finding it so hard to speak about it so he focused on Brigitte instead as he reached out a shaky right hand and touched the baby's tiny fingers that were bunched up against Laura's top.
"She ah ... still has the tiniest little fingers I ever saw ..."
Mike could hear the unshed tears behind his partner's words and tightened his grip on Steve's left hand to still the increased trembling. As Laura watched him tenderly touch Brigitte's fingers, she noticed for the first time the red healing scabs that covered his wrists where it appeared he had been bound at some stage and she had to stifle a heartfelt sob that threatened to escape as she heard him speak again.
"She really loves to grip clothes doesn't she? She ah ... kept a firm grip on my shirt all the while I held her ..."
Steve's voice broke at the end of his sentence as he remembered that it was the only thing that had kept him strong and focused throughout that awful time. Her strong grip on him had made him all the more determined to save this tiny human being who had been totally dependent on him for her survival.
"Yes ... she loves to feel material in her grasp. She's ... done that since the day she was born."
Mike couldn't help but be touched by Steve and the baby's reunion as he listened to Laura and Steve discuss the habits that they both had noticed in the tiny infant. Without warning, Brigitte let go of Laura's top suddenly and gripped Steve's finger and he watched as Steve reacted to the baby's touch.
"Whoa! ... She has some strength in her grip for such a small little person ..."
Laura was struggling to hold back her tears at this stage as she witnessed her baby react to the young man who had kept her safe during their ordeal. Then even more unexpectedly, Brigitte fidgeted again and pulled herself towards Steve using her grip on his finger as leverage. As Laura held her back securely, she spoke in a tearful manner.
"I think she recognizes your voice Steve ... She seems to want to go to you. Would you ... like to hold her for a minute?"
Mike saw the panic cross Steve's face as Laura's question left her lips and watched as the young man shook his head and flustered as he tried in vain to ease his finger gently from Brigitte's rigid grip, while the baby now tried to get the said finger into her mouth.
"Ah no I ... I don't think that's a good idea. I ah ... I'm still a little too sore ..."
Mike knew he was balking at the idea but despite his partner's uncertainty, Mike's gut was telling him that it was something that needed to happen for the sake of Steve's recovery so despite niggling doubts that lingered in his mind, he decided to listen to his faithful gut just like he always did. After all it very rarely led him wrong. Speaking up , he added his voice to the discussion.
"Looks like she wants you to hold her Steve. She's not letting go of your finger until you do by the looks of it Buddy boy. Holding her for a minute or two shouldn't hurt you that much. Besides ... just hold her in the middle of your chest away from your sides and you should manage just fine."
As Mike chimed in on Laura's side, Steve whipped his head around to stare at Mike incredulously and his eyes held a wordless plea to stay out of the matter.
"I ah ... no I ... I can't remember how to hold her ..."
Mike knew he was just grasping desperately for excuses and reached his two hands out to take the baby from Laura as he spoke firmly.
"Oh ... it's like riding a bike Steve, once you've done it once, you'll pick it up again quickly. Besides ... if it worries you that much, I'll HELP you hold her ..."
Laura could see that Mike felt it was a necessary part of Steve's recovery and gladly relinquished hold of her baby into his more than capable hands as Brigitte finally let go of Steve's finger and Mike held her securely and smiled down at her, rocking her gently to keep her calm and making cute baby noises at her. Knowing that he couldn't afford to delay with Steve in current full panic mode, he turned quickly to place her on the front of Steve's chest but Steve's panic had reached fever pitch. He held out a hand to stop him and pleaded desperately.
"Mike! NO ... I'll DROP her ... Please don't ..."
"Steve, you WON'T drop her. I'll have a hold of her underneath and I'll support her neck with the other so you don't need to worry about using your arm that holds the tubing. Just relax Steve? It will be fine."
He went to place her down again but another protest quickly followed.
"No MIKE ... She'll cry ..."
Mike straightened up again, rocking Brigitte gently once more as he tried to talk some sense into his partner accompanied by what he hoped was a reassuring and warm smile.
"Steve ... What makes you think she'll cry? She hasn't cried for you yet, has she? "
"No ... But I was wearing my jacket then. It had the scent of her Mother's perfume on it ... Now I ... I just smell of Hospital and antiseptic, Mike."
"Steve, trust me will you? She won't cry. Now just hold still a minute and RELAX! She'll know if you're nervous Steve."
Mike then battled with his conscience and prayed his gut instincts were right as he purposefully ignored the horrified look on Steve's face as he then carefully positioned Brigitte gently against Steve's chest and supported her there with both his hands. Mike frowned as he watched as Steve refused to look down at her, and felt Steve's every nerve and muscle seem to tighten and clench as he held her. Steve was visibly shaking as he held her and his head turned towards Mike, as a bare whisper left his lips in Mike's direction, hidden from Laura.
"Mike? Please take her back ... I can't ... do this."
He saw the struggle and anguish clearly visible in Steve's eyes as Brigitte's presence heightened his memories and the warm feel of her nestled against his chest brought back emotions and feelings that he had pushed aside and tried to bury in the last twenty four hours. Mike leaned closer, his hands still securely holding Brigitte, as he looked down at Brigitte's face and saw her looking up at the underside of Steve's chin.
"You've got this Steve. You hear me? Now look down at her Steve ..."
Steve's panicked eyes met his and his voice was barely audible.
"I ... cant ..."
"Yes Steve. You can. Look at her. She's beautiful Steve."
But Steve still refused to look down and merely tensed again as he felt her tiny, soft head squirm against his neck.
"Is ... is she gonna cry?"
Mike smiled as he took another quick downward glance at the baby.
"She looks very content to me. What do YOU think Laura?"
Laura had been watching the developments anxiously. She could see Steve's visible and palpable discomfort and wondered if she should take Brigitte back to ease his mental suffering but Mike seemed to know what he was doing and appeared calm and confident that this was the right thing to do, so trusting him completely she decided to play along as best she could.
"No ... she looks happy to me too. She remembers you Steve. She feels safe with you. She won't cry ..."
Steve didn't turn at Laura's voice because he didn't want her to see the tears that were now threatening to escape from his eyes. He remained staring at Mike, wordlessly pleading from their green depths for Mike to take the baby away but instead Mike spoke again softly and encouragingly.
"Steve ... She's looking at you. She's probably wondering why you're not looking at her ... Go on Steve. LOOK at her ..."
Knowing at this stage that he was pleading in vain and had little choice but to do as he was asked, he very slowly dropped his chin until his gaze finally fell on the two tiny blue eyes that were aimed in his direction. She was so small and fragile but she looked so well. He felt the warmth of her hand as it lay against his chest and so he spoke in a quiet, broken and anguished voice.
"Hey there Sweetheart ... I told you we'd make it ... Didn't I? I told you Mike would come and get us ... We made it Brigitte ... We beat the odds. "
Steve's words were the final catalyst for Laura's frayed emotions and she lifted a hand to swipe at the tears that fell from her eyes as she heard Steve speak. Mike too was suddenly finding it hard to witness Steve's emotional admission and he blinked his eyes and cleared his throat in an attempt to remain in control of his feelings. As they both stood and watched Steve and Brigitte stare at each other lost in the moment, Brigitte suddenly squirmed and smiled up at Steve as her tiny hand reached up and landed on his dimpled chin and she gurgled in baby talk as if responding the only way she knew how.
Steve let out a strangled chuckle as he saw the baby's infectious smile and spoke with the first trace of genuine happiness in his voice that Mike had heard since he had left him that night in De Haro Street
"Hey Mike ... did ... did you see that? She ... she smiled at me ..."
Mike beamed from ear to ear and saw Laura smiling behind her tears too.
"Yes I saw it Buddy boy. I think you've made yourself a friend for life there."
Steve looked briefly back up at Mike and smiled at his answer before finally turning towards Laura as he spoke with deep sincerity in his tone.
"You have a beautiful daughter Laura. She's gonna be a real heart breaker one day. Treasure her always ... Huh?"
Laura reached out and gripped Steve's hand
"Don't worry ... I will ..."
A sucking noise drew his attention back to the baby just in time to see her suck on her fist noisily.
"Uh oh ... I think she's hungry. I think she needs to go back to her Mommy for her next feed." Steve said just as Mike interjected loudly to Laura.
"Hey see that! That's why he's such a good partner you know. He's a quick learner. I taught him that. I'm truly impressed that you remembered that Buddy boy .."
Steve smiled at Mike at his words and then as Laura reached in to take Brigitte, Steve bent down and kissed the top of her head and shivered again as he remembered doing the same thing in their dark and grim room back at the warehouse as he had promised her they'd be alright. In a low and emotional sounding tone, Steve spoke as he said his last farewell to the tiny little person who had stolen his heart.
"Bye Sweetheart. You take care now and take care of your Mommy too, you hear me?"
Another baby gurgle followed as Brigitte was then taken by Laura and snuggled close again, wrapped in her pink blanket. Steve's eyes never left the baby as he spoke again this time to Laura.
"Are you two going to be ok?"
"Yes, we're going to be fine, thanks to all of you. I have a good feeling about New York. I think we're finally going to belong somewhere. But ... if you both would like, I could keep in touch and send you some pictures of her from time to time, so you'll see her grow up?"
Steve's eyes drifted up to Mike briefly and then he spoke with a grateful smile.
"We'd like that a lot. Thanks. You both take care now and have a safe trip."
"We will. I ... I hope you feel better soon too and I meant what I said. I'll be eternally grateful to you for keeping her safe. Goodbye and God bless you." she uttered as she bent down and placed a gentle kiss on Steve's cheek.
"Goodbye ..."
"I'll see you out Laura" Mike announced as he followed the young girl out of Steve's room.
Steve let out a huge weary sigh as he watched them disappear out of the room and he then sunk back into the pillows. He felt very shaky and shivery after seeing Brigitte and lifting his two hands he saw that they were trembling uncontrollably. He placed them back down on the bed and gripped the covers to try and stop them from shaking. Moments later, the door opened and Mike reappeared and came back over towards the bed.
"You ok?" he asked, noticing how the young man was gripping the covers oddly.
"Yeah ... yeah I am. I just feel a little shaky. She looked good though ... Didn't she?"
"Yes she did and you called it right. She's going to be a heart breaker alright. Did ... well did seeing her help any? Or did I ... just make things worse by making you hold her?"
Steve smiled.
"No ... you didn't make it worse. You were right. It helped seeing her so well and I'm glad you talked me into seeing them both. It ... it just brought stuff back that's all ... I guess that's why I feel a little shaky. "
Mike nodded with understanding.
"You want to go back to sleep now?"
Steve shook his head.
"No ... I don't think so. Can you put on the television please? Maybe there's something we can watch, huh?."
"Sure ... "
Mike switched on the set and found a baseball game they could watch. But Mike noticed that Steve wasn't really looking at the screen but at some random point on the wall beside it. He tried to comment on the game as it played out, discussing the different players and trying to engage Steve in conversation but he was finding it difficult to extract more than a distracted nod or a shake of the head from the younger man. Eventually, Mike stood up and turned off the set and the action drew an embarrassed look from the young man in the bed.
"Sorry Mike ... I ... I guess I'm really not good company right now. I ah ... I just couldn't concentrate on it ... "
"That's ok. I understand but well ... I am curious. I was watching the game but ... what were you watching?"
Steve blushed and looked confused.
"What?"
"You heard me. You were staring at that wall like it was telling you a story. You were reliving that whole ordeal in your head weren't you? And knowing you, you were trying to figure out if there was anything you could have done differently ... That's it isn't it?"
Steve's cheeks reddened even more as he looked sheepishly at the older man.
"Yeah ... I was reliving it. How the hell did you know that?"
"Because I know YOU! But there's no good comes out of second guessing things. Haven't I always told you that?"
"Yeah, yeah you have but it's ok Mike. There wasn't anything I COULD have done differently. There was only one of me and lots of them. And you were right Mike, everything I did, I did to keep us both alive and I wouldn't change a single thing I did if I had to do it all over again."
"Well I'm glad to hear it Buddy boy. That means you've come a long way today. But why is it that you still have that look that something's chewing on you, huh?"
"Because there IS one thing that's still bugging me but ... well it's kind of weird."
"Weird? What is it?"
Steve shrugged his shoulders in an embarrassed fashion.
"No ... no it's not really important. Forget it."
"STEVE? If something's bugging you, spit it out. "
"Well ... you remember I told you about how when I was face down on your carpet with that gun at the back of my head that my life flashed before my eyes?"
"Uh huh ..."
"Ok, well, you know when that happens and you think of all the things you should have done and said and stuff like that ... sort of regrets so to speak ..."
"Yeah ..." Mike answered, tentatively wondering where this particular line of questioning was leading to.
"Well of course I thought of you and Jeannie and my friends and all that but I also had this one really strange thought and it just came back to me a little while ago."
"Ok ... What was that?"
"I ... I remember thinking that ... I haven't had any chocolate cake for a very long time and ... now I sort of have a craving for it ..."
Mike hadn't expected the unusual answer and couldn't help the slight chuckle of relief that left his lips as he processed the strange statement.
"Chocolate cake? Are you kidding me?"
"No ... No, I really have a crazy craving for some chocolate cake ... I did tell you it was weird!"
Mike laughed again, secretly relieved that what was still bugging his partner wasn't something more serious.
"You really want some chocolate cake , huh?"
"YEAH! " Steve answered , starting to chuckle along with Mike.
"Will you be able to stomach it?"
"That ... I'm not quite sure of but I'm sort of willing to take the risk ..."
Mike stood up and clapped his hands together enthusiastically, finally seeing a spark of his old partner and his occasional sweet tooth starting to come back into its own which in itself was music for Mike's soul.
"Well Buddy boy ... if chocolate cake will make you happy right now then I happen to know a bakery just near here that does the best chocolate cake in San Francisco. And I'll tell you what. If I leave now I should just make it before they close."
Steve smiled wider. He was not even a bit surprised that Mike knew where to find chocolate cake at this time of the evening. Mike knew this city like the back of his hand and knew where to get the best of everything within its confines.
"You're going to get me some?" he asked even more optimistically as his smile widened to its usual degree.
"You bet I am Buddy Boy, HOWEVER ... there IS a price."
Steve's smile faded slightly and he shook his head.
"There always is ..."
Mike wagged a playful finger at his young partner as he then started to put back on his overcoat and fedora.
"Not much in this life is free, haven't I always told you that too. And you KNOW what the price of satisfying your craving is, don't you?"
This time Steve scowled as he knew what Mike had in mind.
"You're going to make me see Lenny aren't you?"
"Ah ha! Now you're thinking Buddy boy" he announced tapping his own temple. "That's right. I'll get you chocolate cake but you're going to have to promise to talk the whole thing out with Lenny FIRST thing in the morning."
"First thing in the morning? Aw Mike, give me a break will you? What about the day after, huh?"
Mike stood his ground and wagged the finger a second time.
"First thing in the morning, INSPECTOR!" he insisted.
Steve sighed and thought about how badly he needed that chocolate cake right now just to feel better and so he had little choice but to agree. However before he was going to let Mike have his way, he decided to bargain a little more mischievously.
"Throw in a packet of sunflower seeds and you've got yourself a deal ..." he added triumphantly as he saw Mike start to shake his head and laugh.
"Boy, you drive a hard bargain Buddy boy ... BUT ... I think I can manage that. DEAL."
The two shook hands and laughed as Mike headed for the door.
"Oh and just in case you get cold feet, I'll be ringing Lenny while I'm out and telling him to pop by in the morning, ok hotshot?"
"Ok Mike ... "
"In the meantime you get some rest and get your mouth all ready for the best chocolate cake you ever tasted and don't give Martha a hard time while I'm gone."
"Martha? Who's Martha?"
Mike stood in the doorway with the door handle in his hand and winked back at the young man.
"Oh you'll find out soon enough when she comes in in a little while to give you a nice sponge bath" Mike added teasingly as Steve's jaw dropped wide open and he winced as the movement hurt his lip.
"A WHAT? ... Who? ... Mike?"
"Don't worry, I won't be long. You'll be fine."
"MIKE? ..." was all he heard shouted louder and with more panic in the tone as he giggled to himself and closed over the door and headed down the corridor, finally feeling things were getting back to how they should be as he passed the lovely Martha heading towards Steve's room with the basin of warm water and a towel and the sponge in her hand.
"Oh Lieutenant Stone, are you leaving?"
"No Martha. I just have a quick errand to run and I'll be back in a little while but ah ... do me a favor will you? Be gentle with him, huh? I ah ... don't think he's up to too much of a shock just yet ... "
Martha smiled.
"Don't worry Lieutenant. I'll spare his blushes. He's in good hands."
"Oh I have no doubt of that Martha. Thank you. See you later and ah ... good luck. I think you're going to need it." he added as he left her to her task and walked off down towards the elevators.
By the time he got back, Steve was going to need that chocolate cake more than ever!
A/N: I had originally intended to end the story with this chapter but there were too many loose ends that needed tying up so the good news is there is a three chapter epilogue still to follow. With real life kind of busy I cant promise to get them up daily but I will promise to try to. Thanks for all the support for this story. It has been heart warming how many people have read and enjoyed it so far. Please bear with me for the final three chapter journey. I think you will be pleased you did. :-)
