A/N: First off, WARNING: there will follow a scene that involves a female character being subjected to physical violence. There is no rape, just some unpleasant violent acts, which I felt it would be best to warn readers of beforehand.
That said, this marks the end of Budens - as indicated by how OMFG long this chapter is. I just couldn't close it properly otherwise, and splitting it wouldn't have been appropriate. I hope you enjoy, guys, and thanks as always for reading.
Lydana soon found out the hard way that, even in burst mode, the massive weapon needed a second to charge. The first time she attempted to open fire on a Romulan group, three of her team had died to disruptors before a stream of phaser pulses tore through two of the attackers. The Lieutenant learned quickly as the rest of her team moved into cover, hitting the trigger a split-second before she moved out of cover again, this time cutting down another two Romulans with only a minor injury being taken in response. The disruptor fire doubled, pinning them behind the structural supports they hid behind, and Lydana swore viciously.
"Alright, fine," she murmured, more to herself than anyone else, "let's see what this thing can really do..."
Her thumb hit the small button that switched the weapon to sustained fire, and she squeezed the trigger before rolling out of the support's protection. She came to a stop in the middle of the corridor, her crouched stance causing the Romulans to waste precious milliseconds re-directing their fire.
Precious milliseconds that they no longer had.
The weapon gave a short, rising whine, before spewing forth a deadly torrent of burning orange pulses, and Lydana tracked the weapon fire across the squad of invaders that stood in her way.
In a matter of seconds, the Romulans lay strewn across the deck, and the rest of the Lieutenant's team moved out of their hiding places, each of them cheering their captain's bravery.
Not that she felt particularly brave. As a scientist and medic, she lamented the loss of life on both sides, and she was growing weary of the protracted fighting that was taking place on her own ship.
She moved over to where the Romulan bodies lay, hoping to find even a single survivor - and surprisingly enough, she found one.
She crouched beside the bleeding warrior, laying the minigun on the deck beside her, attempting to offer some basic first aid...not that it was likely to do much good.
"Why are your people doing this?" Lydana asked gently, removing her belt to form a makeshift tourniquet. The Romulan groaned in pain as the belt tightened around his arm, and Lydana repeated the question.
"We...we're trying to..."
A bout of violent coughing interrupted him, dark green blood flecking his lips as he tried to respond. That wasn't a good sign, Lydana knew - clearly something vital had been hit, and he wasn't going to last much longer.
It went against what she believed to let him suffer, so Lydana stood up and unslung her phaser rifle, setting it for pulse fire instead of beam, and pointing it at the Romulan's head.
"May the Elements grant you peace," she offered, before ending his suffering with a single shot.
Lydana sighed sorrowfully, and turned around to address her team - and instantly realised she'd made a fatal error.
She realised, all too late, that she hadn't ordered a rearguard, and as the team focussed their attention on her, another group of Romulans arrived behind them and opened fire.
Lydana could only stare in numb horror as every member of her tiny group was cut down in a volley of emerald beams, while she stood paralyzed with fear and shock. Yatsai took a pair of disruptor beams in the back, dropping her in an instant. Angella, the security chief Lydana had persuaded back into action, began to turn until a disruptor shot took her through the neck.
She tried, desperately, to raise her own rifle, but instead her fingers went slack and the weapon clattered to the deck. Her breath caught in her throat, and it seemed as though the world began to move in slow motion as Zarva turned, sensing the threat. She raised her rifle, but she barely got it halfway when another beam lanced into her, dropping her to the floor as well.
Only then, when she saw her classmate fall, did Lydana finally manage to fight her paralysis and run towards her stricken friend, and even then she never got far.
The leader of the group, the same overdressed Romulan she had spoken to before, grabbed her by the throat and pushed her back, hard enough to slam her against the bulkhead.
"Lieutenant Lydana, I presume?" he queried, his eyes burning with suppressed anger.
Lydana stared back at him, the fire inside herself that she had been carefully tending slowly dwindling back to embers, her hands trembling and her chest tightening as she fought a fresh panic attack.
"N-no, it's Lieutenant Kassai," she corrected, and the lead Romulan - Vekaan, she recalled - nodded in satisfaction.
"Ah. Good."
Vekaan's gloved fist crashed across her cheek, causing her to scream in pain as her burned skin split open under the impact.
"You have caused me no end of problems, girl," Vekaan snarled, driving his fist straight into into her face this time, breaking her nose and causing her head to smack against the bulkhead. Tears began coursing down her face as she fought to regain any of her previous fire, anything that would allow her to fight back, but nothing surfaced.
"I had plans for your ship, and they at least may still be salvaged," Vekaan added, driving a knee into Lydana's stomach before pulling her back upright with a fist in her hair. She cried out in fresh pain as the Romulan pulled her head back roughly, growling into her ear when he spoke again.
"But do you know how much you and your defiance has cost me in crew? In time?!" He turned her around and slammed her head against the wall, opening another wound across her forehead, but this time she managed to steady herself, and she turned to face him again with defiance burning through her tears.
"Whatever...I cost you," she breathed, suppressing an emotional sniffle, "it...will never...be enough."
Finding some hidden store of courage, Lydana lunged at the Romulan commander, but she was too weak - Vekaan deflected the attack with ease, and dropped her with a single shot to her thigh.
For once, she regretted wearing the uniform skirt. She'd always worn it because she preferred the freedom of movement it offered, and it had given her a confidence borne of feeling more attractive than she normally did, but as the disruptor burned through her bare skin and into the muscle beneath she longed for anything that would have lessened the impact.
She collapsed to the floor among the dead members of her team, fresh pain bringing fresh tears, and at last the strength to fight back left her.
At long last, she realised she had failed. She'd failed her friends, her crew, her superiors who had believed in her, and nothing burned more than the bitterness of her defeat.
"I am often told that our treatment of prisoners is brutal," Vekaan explained, "and maybe that's true. But in the interests of my people, there is nothing I will not do, if it means bringing the Empire back to it's former glory." He keyed the communicator built into his wristguard, speaking without looking away from Lydana.
"Vekaan to D'kala, prepare to transport all Starfleet survivors to the brig."
In the awkward silence that followed, Lydana rolled onto her back, thinking that if she was going to die she would do it facing her executor. She watched as Vekaan frowned, keying his communicator again in frustration.
"Vekaan to D'kala, respond."
Another brief period of silence, before finally a voice responded to him.
"I'm dreadfully sorry, Commander," intoned a feminine voice that sounded far from apologetic, "but I'm afraid your ship is somewhat...preoccupied."
"What?! Who is this?!"
"This is Centurion Loraya S'Vae of the Leucosia, and the Starfleet vessel you have unlawfully boarded is under our protection. If you have any brains in that thick skull of yours, I would advise you to leave. Now."
Lydana almost wept with joy at hearing the voice of someone who was on her side, after what had felt like an age amidst enemies. However, Vekaan wasn't finished blustering.
"Listen to me, Centurion," he growled, raising his pistol towards Lydana's head, "if you want your friend to survive I suggest you take your little ship away from matters that do not concern you. A single vessel cannot stand-"
S'Vae's voice chuckled over the commlink.
"I never said I only had one ship," she said with a laugh. "I'll see your charming D'deridex, and raise you a pair of Ha'apax warbirds."
Lydana had no idea what one of those was, but Vekaan's look of horror suggested that they spelled bad news for him, and she seized her moment to strike.
She lunged forwards once again, seizing Vekaan's gun hand and pulling him down towards her. As he came down, she used her own momentum to smash her head into his nose, spraying blood across his face and her hair, but she ignored the mess and the pain and followed through.
She ducked under Vekaan's arm, wrenching it backwards as she pulled him upright, using him as a shield against his own guard.
Despite his attempts to keep it, Lydana finally managed to pull the disruptor pistol from his grasp, pressing it against his temple.
"Drop your weapons or I blow the side of his skull off," she ordered, and Vekaan's guard exchanged concerned glances.
"She's bluffing," he snapped, "the minute she gives up, shoot her."
"Word of advice," she said quietly into Vekaan's ear, "don't drive a girl to desperation, then assume she's bluffing when she has a gun to your head."
Without waiting for a response, she opened fire on Vekaan's honour guard, putting them all down with several quick shots.
"Order your men off my ship," Lydana hissed, her voice full of menace as she pressed the weapon against the Commander's temple again.
"Never. We do not surrender to children."
She kicked him in the back of his knees, dropping him to the floor, and she moved forwards to press her boot into his back.
"Get. Your. People. Off. My. Ship."
Vekaan growled, but still refused to comply.
"I am not going to-"
A single disruptor shot to the back of his head ended his defiance permanently, and the young Bajoran leaned against the nearest bulkhead, allowing herself to slide wearily to the floor.
After a few moments, she tapped her commbadge, taking a deep breath as she prepared to hear the worst.
"Kassai to T'Vrell, report," she said softly.
"The bridge has been held, sir," the Vulcan woman answered, and that news lifted her spirits immediately. At least one of her classmates had avoided any major injury.
"I must regretfully report the death of Crewman Potter - I believe she was killed instantly when her console was destroyed. We have three additional Romulan ships engaging the D'kala, and they seem to be winning."
"Good, good," Lydana sighed. "Patch me into the shipwide comm-channel."
"Patched in, sir."
"This is Lieutenant Kassai to Romulan boarders. Your commander is dead and your ship is under attack. Surrender now and you will be taken to the nearest Starfleet facility for imprisonment. I can assure you, you will be treated far better than any of your prisoners would be."
She laid her head back against the bulkhead, taking deep breaths as she fought the urge to have a panic attack right in the middle of the corridor. With so many dead and her ship in pieces, she doubted her career would last much longer.
"Well," moaned a voice from a head of her, "I can't say I'm not glad."
"Zarva!"
Lydana scurried forwards, ignoring the searing pain in her leg as she cradled her friend's head. "I thought you were dead!"
"And you look like you should be," the Bolian answered, frowning as she took in the bleeding burn on her cheek, the broken nose, the bruising around her face.
"I admit, I've felt better," Lydana answered with a gentle smile, when a chirp from her commbadge interrupted any further conversation.
"Lydana, go ahead."
"I have just received a report that the Romulans on board have surrendered, sir," T'Vrell informed her. "Also, Centurion S'Vae is requesting permission to come aboard and render assistance."
"Good news all round, T'Vrell," Lydana answered. "Tell the Centurion I would be honoured to welcome her aboard, and apologise for the state of the ship."
"Very well, sir."
"Also, I need a site-to-site transport for Zarva, she needs to be teleported directly to sickbay."
"At once."
"I'll see you soon, Zarva," she told her friend, moving out of the way as she vanished in a haze of blue light.
With her friend taken care of, she began making her way - slowly and painfully - towards the transporter room, in order to greet her new guests.
Lydana stood, a little unsteadily, in the damaged-yet-functional transporter room, attempting to straighten her tunic before realising it wouldn't make a lot of difference at this point. Her various wounds still ached, the disruptor shot to her thigh most severely, although her nose still hurt and she couldn't breathe through it properly. Her cheek too was awash with stinging pain, as the open wound bled over the tender, damaged skin, and Lydana resolved to report to sickbay as soon as was viable.
But now was not that time.
She tapped her commbadge, raising T'Vrell on the bridge.
"I'm at the transporter room, T'Vrell. Energise when ready."
"Acknowledged."
The transporter pad grew brighter as five glittering blue beams coalesced into the forms of five Romulans - or at least, three Romulans, one Romulan-shaped tower of muscle, and some sort of terrifying gargoyle who instinctively shielded her eyes, before pulling on a pair of polarised goggles.
Of course, Lydana thought, ashamed of her judgement of the woman's appearance, she must be Reman. Their evolution was certainly...not kind.
However, there was no mistaking the Centurion - taller than Lydana's own five feet and six inches, clad in a plain tunic and trousers of dull red, and wearing a tasseled sash around her waist of grey and turquoise.
She led her small team off the transporter pad, and Lydana limped forward to greet them.
"Centurion S'Vae, welcome to the Steadfast," Lydana said, her voice cracking with sudden emotion. "Or at least, what's left of her."
"Lieutenant Kassai, it is a pleasure to meet you in person," S'Vae said with a warm smile, clasping Lydana's hand gently and meeting her eyes - presumably to avoid staring at what the Lieutenant was certain were ugly wounds. "Allow me to introduce my First Officer, Tovan Khev." she gestured to a tall, well-built Romulan man, who appeared to be roughly thirty years old by human standards and whose kind eyes instantly set Lydana at ease.
"We'll go over the other introductions later, but-"
She was cut off as Lydana's wounds and exhaustion finally caught up with her, and she staggered once before collapsing against her guest, who caught her before she hit the deck.
"But first, I think we should find your sickbay," she finished, before Lydana lost consciousness.
"So you finally stopped for some rest, captain?"
Lydana's eyes flickered open, and her Andorian Chief Medical Officer - who, to her continued shame, she couldn't recall the name of - swam into focus. It took her a moment to register the fact that she was on her back, and she instantly tried to rise.
"I can't lay down, I need to-"
"You need to take it easy," the doctor stressed, pushing her back down. "At least your enforced rest period allowed me to see to that burn of yours, which very nearly got infected. As it is, you'll still have some scarring, but at least you look presentable now."
"But we have guests-"
"Don't fret, captain," intoned the charming and polite voice of her Romulan counterpart. "We haven't tried to steal your ship in your absence." The smile and chuckle from the Romulan officer were welcome, no doubt, but given recent events Lydana couldn't find the comment humorous. Loraya, for her part, seemed to pick up on that, and sobered up instantly.
"Forgive me, that was insensitive."
"It's fine," Lydana said softly, "but I really do have to get up, doctor. I need to help co-ordinate repair efforts-"
"Actually, we've been co-ordinating with your Vulcan on the bridge - T'Vrell, is it?" Lydana nodded. "Yes, she's been most helpful in getting us onboard to help with your most critical repairs."
Lydana opened her mouth to speak, until another voice cut across her thoughts.
"Well, I see you redecorated while I was out, Lyddie."
"Lise!"
Despite the doctor's instruction, the young officer leapt from the bed and embraced her friend tightly, and the redhead reciprocated with vigour.
"You did good, captain," she said quietly. "I'm proud of you."
Eventually Lydana pulled away, wiping half-formed tears from her eyes, and turning back to the doctor.
"Doc...how many did we lose?"
"Don't do this to yourself, Lyddie," Elisa warned, but the Bajoran held up a hand in a silencing gesture.
"How many?"
The Andorian sighed, apparently weighing up the merits of telling her over keeping her in the dark.
"Fifty-three dead, seventy-nine wounded, at least half of those critically so. Ensign Zarva will be fit for duty in a while..."
Lydana stumbled as if she'd been shot, leaning against the bed as she fought to keep upright. Her chest tightened at the shock of it - just over a quarter of her crew dead, and more than a quarter injured. She may as well have put a phaser to their heads herself. That at least would have been quick, merciful - how many of those fifty-three died slowly, in agony from exploded EPS relays, or being sucked into space during one of the many hull breaches? How many died in a pointless corridor skirmish, like Yatsai and Angella, gunned down by Romulans because she refused to give in and just set the damned self-destruct?
Too many, she thought, and that didn't event take into account how many more currently languished in pain because her actions caused them to be injured.
"If I'm fit to return to duty, doctor," she murmured, not meeting anyone's eyes, "I have work to attend to."
"Well, I...you are, but I must protest your decision."
"Noted," Lydana stated flatly, storming towards the door. "I'll be in my ready room."
At that she left the room, followed by three pairs of very concerned eyes.
Her ready room hadn't faired much better than the rest of the ship, but it was intact enough for her purposes. Lydana busied herself brushing dust and cabling from her small seating area in the corner, trying to ignore her trembling hands and the tightening in her chest. However, no matter what she did, she couldn't shake the two numbers plaguing her thoughts.
Fifty-three dead, seventy-nine wounded. Grim numbers for any ship, but that meant the over half of her total crew were out of action, one way or another. She sat down on the short couch, staring into empty space, trying not to blink - each time she closed her eyes, a different image assaulted her; Vekaan's punishing violence, members of the crew trapped in burning wreckage, calling for her help and never receiving it, or floating in the depths of space, reaching for her in a mute plea for assistance.
She succeeded in fighting off a panic attack, but her emotion needed release, and so she buried her face in her hands and finally allowed herself to cry brokenly.
She'd never wanted the command, but she'd been given it, and she had intended to do her duty to the best of her ability. Well, now that ability had been tested, and she had been found woefully inadequate.
Barely two minutes into her emotional outburst the door chime sounded, and Lydana hurriedly wiped her eyes and attempted to make herself appear...well, less of a mess.
"Come," she called, wincing at how broken her own voice sounded, and the door slid open to admit Elisa and the Centurion.
"Our guest requested to see you, and as First Officer I saw no reason to deny her," Elisa stated formally. "I'll be on the bridge," she said quietly, and Lydana realised she was directing it at Loraya.
The Romulan thanked Elisa with a small smile, before the redhead walked out of the room and allowed the door to close.
"She was worried about you," Loraya explained. "As was I, although I don't know you very well. You seemed to take your doctor's news...rather badly."
Lydana didn't look at her guest, instead walking over to the small window her ready room had, staring out into the void as she thought about everything.
"How do you do it?" she asked, her voice a husky whisper, and Loraya's brow furrowed.
"Captain?"
"Please, call me Lydana. I'm no captain worthy of the title." She shook her head, remembering she still needed to take a sonic shower and get rid of the blood and dirt from the defence effort. "What I meant was...how do you cope? How do you bear the burden of command, knowing how much rides on you?"
Loraya sensed the pain Lydana felt, understood it to a degree, and she walked closer as she decided how best to answer.
"By always acting in accordance with your beliefs," she began, ignoring Lydana's small scoff. "By always giving yourself fully to your ship, your crew and your superiors...and by understanding that no matter what choice you make, not everyone will make it back alive."
Silence reigned in the small room, and Loraya decided to expand on her comments.
"We are in the unenviable position of having to deal with the consequences of our decisions - decisions which, unlike those of any other crewman, affect the entire ship and everyone on it. Sometimes those actions can even affect an entire planet, a system, a race, a quadrant, but we are responsible for making them nonetheless. Sometimes we can't wait around while our superiors debate the merits or faults of our options, and in the moment we have to decide what's best...and live with whatever comes after that, for good or ill."
Surprisingly, Lydana remained silent, shifting uncomfortably as she stared out the window. Loraya couldn't tell, but she thought the young officer was beginning to weep again, and she longed for a way to prevent that.
"May I ask how you came into this position?" she asked, hoping it would take Lydana's mind away from her emotional state.
The Bajoran sighed heavily, closing her eyes and leaning her forehead against the cool surface of the window, thinking back to what felt like months before.
"I can't even believe it was only a week ago," she muttered quietly. "I only graduated from Starfleet Academy a week ago," she said, pitching her voice higher so that Loraya could hear her. "We'd received our orders and placements - Elisa and I, and the majority of my class actually, were to be posted to this ship for our training cruise, and I was nominated as Acting First Officer."
Loraya took the opportunity to sit on the small couch, where Lydana had been a few minutes before, and listened in respectful silence as Lydana continued.
"Barely a few hours out of spacedock, we picked up a distress signal from a Ferengi freighter, and we went to investigate. The whole thing sounded a bit suspect from the start, and almost as soon as we got there we were ambushed by Klingons. They attacked us, crippled us, then boarded the ship." She turned to face Loraya, a humourless smile on her delicate features. "Sound familiar?" She shrugged, and began pacing idly as she carried on the story. "Anyway, they finally teleported back to their own ship - with our captain as hostage. They cloaked instantly, preventing us from finding them, then contacted us with demands."
"What did they want?"
Lydana struggled to recall that. It had happened - or felt like it happened - a long time ago.
"Um...fleet and ship deployments, secure information. Stuff that they could use to cause a lot of damage. They threatened us with Captain Taggart's execution if we didn't comply, but still, as Starfleet officers, we had a duty to refuse. They tried to get Taggart to convince us, but..."
She stopped short, closing her eyes as the emotion of that moment hit her in a rush - the agonising tension as he gave her command of the ship, the flare of defiance they all felt as he ordered her to lock on to his commbadge and fire torpedoes. She had felt an almost sympathetic pain as she watched the Klingon captain stab Taggart in the gut, felt her heart twist as he breathed his last words.
"Make...me...proud," he'd rasped, before finally succumbing to his fatal wound. With a lump in her throat and eyes full of rage she'd ordered a full volley of torpedoes, and she'd almost cheered when she saw the damage the attack wrought upon the enemy vessel.
"He gave me command," she continued, not bothering to fight her fresh tears, "then ordered us to fire on his position."
"A noble sacrifice," Loraya offered, respecting the actions of the officer she'd never met.
"It was stupid!" Lydana snapped, despite the fact she didn't believe that for a second. "He had no right giving me, a cadet fresh out of the Academy, command and responsibility for two hundred people!" She began crying again, overwhelmed by all that she'd had to endure since that day. "I'm out of my depth, Centurion-"
"Loraya, please," the Romulan corrected, standing to offer comfort to her counterpart.
"I don't...I...I'm not good enough to command, Loraya," she said through her tears, and the taller woman pulled her into a consoling embrace.
"I may not have been here for the duration, but I'd say you've done a fine job, myself."
Lydana scoffed again, the sound muted against Loraya's shoulder.
"It's true. You fought back against a superior force, refused to allow your ship or crew to be taken for their plans and held out long enough for reinforcements to arrive - with a ship that belongs in a museum, no less!"
Loraya was glad when Lydana shuddered with weak laughter for once, and she let go of the younger officer.
"You've done extremely well, Lydana. I pray I never find myself meeting you as an enemy."
"How about meeting again as friends?" Lydana dared, and was rewarded with another of the Romulan's warm smiles.
"Now that is an agreeable prospect," she chuckled. "Come. Let us see what we can do about getting you home."
It took several days for the Steadfast to be repaired enough to even reach full impulse, but as soon as that was achieved they got underway, a course set for Earth Spacedock. The Leucosia flew ahead of it, the massive Ha'apax-class warbirds T'alosa and Daedalus flew at its port and starboard. Much to the chagrin of all captains involved, the D'kala escaped justice, cloaking and jumping to warp before it could be destroyed. Loraya had passed it's details to the Romulan flotilla, so that they could keep a watch for it if it should ever show up again.
As they made their slow flight towards Earth, another Starfleet vessel, the Sovereign-class USS King George, arrived in response to Lydana's distress call. There had almost been a diplomatic incident, until Lydana had found a working viewscreen and proven to the King George's captain that her Romulan escorts were not the Romulans responsible for her ship's condition. He had relented, and eventually stood down his red alert status, before offering to tow the Steadfast back to Earth at warp speed.
Bizarrely, Lydana had refused, politely of course. She couldn't fathom why, but it meant a lot to her that her ship made it back home under her own power. The other captain smiled in understanding, finally bid her farewell and disappeared at warp speed, to find another mission now that a fellow officer was no longer in peril.
Lydana also took the opportunity to write her own report, breaking down into fits of crying on three separate occasions - mainly as she listed the dead, including several classmates and Yatsai, who she'd only just begun to form a bond with. Once she'd sent the report, she'd expected a response from Admiral Quinn - however, in the weeks that followed, none was forthcoming.
With help from the Romulans, they eventually managed to reach Warp 3. Not a particularly great speed, but better than impulse only, although Zarva and her team confirmed that would be all they'd get for the duration.
At long last, after over a week at Warp 3 (and narrowly avoiding a failure of the inertial dampeners, as well as a potentially catastrophic warp core fluctuation) the aging ship limped back into the space around Earth Spacedock, the Romulan ships peeling away to allow Steadfast clearance to make it home.
It amused Lydana no end that almost as soon as their ship entered the dock's sensor perimeter, its engines failed entirely, and she slid into the dock's tractor range on nothing but momentum and manoeuvring thrusters.
Lydana stood nervously to attention outside of Admiral Quinn's office, fiddling with her commbadge for the sake of adjusting something. She'd been called to see the Admiral almost the second the Steadfast was docked, and she'd disappeared to her ready room to have a brief panic attack as she said a hurried good-bye to the career she'd never have.
"What do you think he wants?" asked Elisa shakily, for what her First Officer counted as the fifth time in a ten-minute period.
"Probably to go over your report and debrief you," Elisa replied, for the same amount of times. Not that she didn't understand Lydana's nerves; the younger woman may have had chance to shower and replicate a new uniform, but her scars - both physical and mental - were still painfully fresh. Their ship's counsellor was among the dead, and so the young Bajoran had suffered in silence, despite insistence from Elisa and her newest friend, Loraya.
"Well, I doubt I'll see you after this, Lise," Lydana said, her voice trembling with suppressed sorrow. "So...thank you. For everything you ever did for me."
"Don't be like that, Lyddie," Elisa admonished, "I'm sure it's just-"
"Lieutenant Lydana, the Admiral will see you now," Quinn's Adjutant announced, and Lydana paused at the woman's side for a moment.
"It's Lieutenant Kassai," she corrected firmly. "I'm Bajoran." She left that hanging as the only explanation, before finally walking into the Admiral's office to face her fate.
"It's...quite a story here, Lieutenant," Quinn stated without inflection.
"Yes, sir," was all Lydana could manage under his analysing gaze, his impassive features giving away nothing of his thoughts.
"Well? Did you uncover what was going on?"
"With a little assistance from my Romulan allies, sir, I did." She swallowed, trying to bury the lump in her throat, while simultaneously trying to marshall her breathing into a steady rhythm again. "The DaVinci had been attacked by the Tal Shiar, several of whom had stolen a Starfleet Akira-class escort. The plan was to seize one of our ships - the escort - and use it to attack more of them, while dressed in the uniform of the Romulan Republic. Eventually we would respond to them in force, cripple their ship, and upon interrogating any captives or survivors we would lay blame with the Republic for the attacks."
"And thus destroying our alliance with them, leaving the Republic weakened by the loss of its new allies," Quinn finished, and Lydana gave a choppy nod.
"Just so, sir. Unfortunately they didn't plan on the Klingons being so bold about operating in our space, and they became prey for the Empire instead."
"Which was when you discovered this distress signal, which led to your ship being attacked by another Tal Shiar warship." It was a statement, not a question, and Lydana choked on the emotional surge as she nodded again.
"I see."
Quinn scanned the last few lines of the Lieutenant's report, before laying the PADD on his desk and leaning towards the young officer, his hands clasped in front of him.
"You seem apprehensive, Lieutenant. May I ask why?"
Lydana swallowed nervously again, her voice cracking as she spoke - a fact which she was beginning to tire of.
"Sir, I...despite finding what happened with the DaVinci, I failed you, sir. I failed my crew, I failed my trainers...I failed Captain Taggart. I don't deserve to command my own ship, and if you deem it necessary I am willing to resign from Starfleet."
For the first time since she entered his office, Admiral Quinn allowed emotion to cross his features - a look of confused horror, that such a young and promising officer would be so dismissive of herself.
"Lieutenant...let me tell you now, no such thing is going to happen."
"Sir?"
"I also received another report, from one Centurion Loraya S'Vae, citing your bravery in the face of extreme adversity and your willingness to stand up to what she personally called 'the tyranny of the Tal Shiar and the Star Empire'. Not to mention the reports of Ensign Flores, Ensign Zarva, and a handful of other members of your crew, who cite your own defiance as the source of their courage to continue fighting. These...are not remarks made about an officer I would consider to have failed."
Lydana's jaw worked silently, stunned as she was by the shock of finding out that, after everything, her crew still respected her - perhaps even more than they did before.
"To that end," Quinn added, before she could gather her thoughts, "I am adding a commendation for valour to your file. Also, given the...shall we say, lamentable state of the Steadfast, after a period of rest and recuperation, I am afraid you and your crew will be reassigned to new ships."
That certainly brought a reaction to Lydana's features - her pain and anguish was clear at the prospect of losing the few close people she had left, due to a reassignment - something else she felt she could blame herself for.
"I think it only appropriate after all your crew have been through, to give you some much-needed time off," he continued. "Perhaps you would like to go home, to Bajor, for a little while? See the family?"
"I...that is...yes, sir, but...reassignment?"
"Yes, that is what I said, Lieutenant. And, in light of your own...personal doubts, I am offering you a choice."
"A choice?" Lydana was still struggling with the concept of 'reassignment', and the fear of not having Elisa as her First Officer.
"Indeed." Admiral Quinn picked up another PADD from his desk, looking over the information before speaking again. "DS9 is apparently needing a new medical officer. A good place for you to further your medical training, and it'd be close to home?"
Lydana squirmed a little, uncomfortable about everything that was happening.
"With respect, sir...I joined Starfleet to see what else there was besides Bajor," she said awkwardly. "I love my home, but-"
"Very well then," he responded, smiling. He scrolled the information again. "How about a Science position on the Galileo? Nova-cless, quite modern, researching and analysing some strange anomalies in the Azure Nebula?"
Lydana fought to stop herself from shuffling nervously, but she couldn't tell why. A Nova-class ship was an ideal posting her, and she'd have the opportunity to really put her science training to use, maybe gain some really valuable experience.
And yet, something else nagged at her. Something she couldn't place, but which she had somehow made evident anyway.
Quinn raised his eyebrows and scrolled the information on the PADD again.
"No? Hm. Well, how about this then?"
He handed the PADD to her, and she took it nervously. Her eyes widened as she read the text, then read it again to be certain.
"Are you sure, sir?"
Quinn nodded, smiling broadly at her.
"Unlike the Steadfast, the DaVinci can and will be repaired. When she returns to service, she'll need a fresh crew...and a captain who respects her scientific heritage, but who is not afraid to stand in harm's way when it calls."
"But...I don't think that's me, sir."
"Well I do, and those are your only options. You don't want to be fixed in place, which I can respect, and you don't fancy the science officer's slot on the Galileo, which tells me that despite your concerns you've developed a taste for command. You want this ship, and I am offering it to you. I'll even let you choose your First Officer."
"Ensign Flores," Lydana said, fighting the urge to grin. "Give me Flores, and I'll take the old girl off your hands, sir."
"It's a done deal, Lieutenant," Quinn beamed, before standing and offering his hand to the young officer. "Also...never doubt your worth. I gave you Steadfast in the belief that the Captain's who commended you before were right. I'm giving you the DaVinci because you've proven they were. Be safe, Lydana."
The young Bajoran fought fresh tears - this time tears of joy - as she shook the admiral's hand.
"Thank you, sir," she croaked, before clearing her throat. "I'll do you proud."
"I don't doubt it," he replied. "Now get out there and make a name for yourself. There are plenty more ships that need an officer like you commanding them. Dismissed."
For the first time since inheriting a command she never asked for, Lieutenant Kassai Lydana felt...happy. Instead of being thrown in at the deep end, she'd earned this command...but she would never forget the blood it cost.
She wouldn't understand for some time just how much those events had changed her, matured her, but neither could she have predicted how her career would eventually play out.
Instead, she spent some time with her close friend and First Officer, before making her plans for her enforced shore leave. There would be time enough to face those trials again. For now, she was just glad to be alive.
