Ch 58

The family finished dinner a bit less tensely, talking about random nothings. The Doctor put the bowls in the sink when they were all done, volunteering to do dishes.

"I'll do them. You have to get the girls' school things sorted out." River shook her head, shooing him off.

"Alright. I'll be back soon." He promised, going to the TARDIS.

The book River had hidden earlier was laying out in the console room now. The Doctor didn't notice it until he'd landed the TARDIS, spotting it on the jump seat. He went over and picked it up, looking at the covers again.

The cover of the book was plain, nothing too out of the ordinary. He started at it, fingers itching to open it, but there was a voice in his head telling him not to. Several voices actually.

This was River's book, her personal property that she had clearly not wanted him to see. His curiosity would bring him lengths, but invading River's privacy wasn't one of them. If he was to ever see inside this book, it would only be at River's clear approval.

He pocketed it and went to look for the memory worm for the nurse.

The worm was locked in a box in a storage room deep in the TARDIS where the girls wouldn't be able to accidentally find it. He brought the box back to the console room, trying to forget about the book.

He did his work carefully, making fake records for the girls and calling Jack to let him know that if the school was to call him he had to pretend to be the girl's pediatrician. Making sure he had the proper gloves for the worms, he went to the school.

He made quick work of the nurse's and doctor's memories.

He packed the worm back up and headed home, preparing mentally for the next task of telling River about the book.

She was pre-occupied upstairs when the TARDIS landed back in the house. She was just closing the door to the girls' bedroom when he came up.

"They're in bed already?" He asked.

"I wanted them to have an early night, and surprisingly they didn't complain." She nodded.

"Oh." He nodded and reached into his pocket. "You left this in the console room. And before you ask, no I didn't peak."

She immediately took the book, but frowned, "I didn't put it in the console room."

He frowned as well. "It was there when I went in. Maybe Toby thought it was a toy and put it there?"

"I put it in a drawer in my closet, I don't know how Toby would have gotten it." Her brow furrowed.

"Are you sure that's the same book then?"

She opened it, looking over the pages and nodded, "This is my book."

He stood there just as puzzled as she was. "It makes no sense then." She nodded, hugging the book close to her chest. "River... you don't think it was me do you? Because I swear it was there when I got there."

"No, I believe you." She murmured, knowing that he would probably be acting much differently if he had read what was inside the book.

He relaxed a bit. "Sorry about earlier. I know my discovering you had this made you uncomfortable, but I want you to know that I'm not ever going to try and snoop in it unless you say it's alright."

She smiled weakly, "Thank you."

"Now then, I took care of the thing with the nurse. She won't remember what happened today and the girls have fake records now."

She nodded, sighing softly, "I suppose that's good."

"What do you think about what we talked about at dinner?"

"I don't know if it's the best idea. It could still be very dangerous to be going out and telling people who the girls are. I don't want anything to happen to them. I don't want to be targeted again." She shook her head.

"What if they didn't specify their species to everyone?" He knew how much the girls wanted this.

"Well...It's not ideal, but I don't want to disappoint them."

"I was thinking it would be one of those things where the parents come along and watch them." He added.

"I-" She sighed, "I don't know, Doctor. I have to think about it more."

"Alright." He nodded. "Why don't we have some downtime then?"

"Alright." She nodded, "Let me go put this away first." She headed off to go re-re-hide her book.

Terra nudged River's ribs, wondering what had her so tense. River tried to ignore Terra, burying the book in one of her drawers. The baby kicked harder, wanting an answer.

River winced, leaning against the dresser. Stop.

Tell me.

No. Stop. Now.

No fair! She gave another hard kick.

River groaned, sinking to her knees, the kick landing in a very uncomfortable place. Toby, who had been on the bed, jumped off and hurried over to her.

River took a deep breath, standing once again. She pat the dog on the head, starting back down the stairs. He insisted on following her.

She made it down the stairs safely, going into the living room. The Doctor had cozied himself up in a blanket, Tiber in his lap. River sat down on the couch, her hand tracing soothing circles around her belly.

"Moving around?" He asked.

She nodded, "She's being demanding and she's getting angry when I don't cooperate."

"Oh." He frowned slightly. "What happened?"

She shook her head, "I don't want to talk about it. I just want to sit and relax."

He nodded. Tiber rose and stretched, climbing over to settle with River. She shooed the cat away, not wanting him sitting on her. She closed her eyes, sighing.

Neither Terra nor Tiber seemed at all willing to let her relax, continuing with their pestering.

River was just getting more and more frustrated until finally, she snapped and let out a very loud, irritated sounding noise.

Tiber and the Doctor jumped, the former scurrying to another room.

"I can't take this anymore!" She looked about ready to pull her hair out, shaking with frustration.

"River, river what's wrong?" He could understand the cat bothering her, but he couldn't see Terra's contribution.

"She won't stop pestering me and nagging at me! I can't get a moment's peace and I cannot take another second of this!"

"Whoa, there Riv. Just take a breath and calm down for a second. The more angry you are the more she is too."

"I can't calm down for a second." She snapped, "I've been trying to stay calm for the past nine months. I don't want this! I hate this!" She was gasping for air now, getting quite worked up.

"You're going to hyperventilate. Please at least just try to breathe."

"I am breathing!"

"Alright, okay." He wasn't exactly sure how to calm her, not really having any leadership over her or Terra's actions and emotions. "Let's just work on getting Terra to stop, yeah?"

"You don't understand! She won't stop! She never stops! It doesn't matter what I do or say she doesn't listen to me!"

"May I try?" He tried to keep his tone steady in contrast to hers.

"She doesn't listen, Doctor." She shook her head, "You've tried before and she doesn't listen."

"So... how about I try something new?"

"Fine. Anything"

"I want to see if I can temporarily tap into your connection with her. I'll be able to directly talk to her that way."

"Whatever, just make her stop."

He put his fingers at her temples, entering her mind. It was very tense, her thoughts abundant and pushing against him on all sides. "River, I need a little help navigating."

Her connection is in the back. She made a path towards Terra. He stumbled through the path she created, tripping over whizzing thoughts. River tried to calm her thoughts so he could get through.

The connection had healed significantly since the last he'd seen it, though it still looked raw. He carefully leaned down and wrapping his hand around the wispy, pulsing rope, focusing his mind on Terra.

Terra's thoughts hit him hard, exploding through the connection. He nearly tumbled back, taking a moment to brace himself against the onslaught. Terra. Terra, it's Dad. Calm down.

She didn't listen, the thoughts completely incoherent.

River, can you understand any of this? He had taken the burden of Terra's mind off River's for now.

Not really. She's angry, but that's all I know.

He tried sending back calming thoughts to his daughter, simple scenes of calm water and rain, including the sounds.

Terra started to calm, her thoughts becoming intelligible requests asking what was going on. The Doctor tried to explain that these were just images from his mind about what the world looked like. Lovie, what's got you so angry?

Mummy! The word shot sharply at him. She was still kicking roughly at River's back.

You're going to have to explain why to me.

Mummy won't talk! Mummy not nice!

Doesn't Mummy tell you lovely stories? He seemed confused.

Yes, but she does not listen.

I'll listen. He soothed.

NO!

Why not? What can't you tell me?

You're not mummy.

No, I'm not. But I do care about the both of you a very great deal and I'm just trying to help.

Terra made the mental equivalent of a scream, throwing a fit. He winced, wondering how River could bear this for so long. River, you wouldn't happen to have a side of the story, would you?

She was asking me a question and I didn't want to answer. River was tired and wanted to sleep.

It seems to be more than that. Something that was more in the long term.

We don't get along.

Enough to cause all this?

I don't want to do this now. I want to sleep.

If I let go, she'll just go back at it. He reminded.

She groaned, Then don't reconnect us.

That won't solve anything.

Fine! What do you want from me? She was snappish too now.

It's not what I want, it's what your daughter needs. Though it did happen that he wanted their relationship to improve, it wasn't about him.

I've given her what she needs. What I need is some privacy and sleep, which she seems very keen on making sure I don't have.

River, what she needs is a mother who listens to her, not just houses her.

I do listen to her! You have no idea what our relationship is like! I listen and I give her what she wants but sometimes I need my own thoughts. She was growing angrier and angrier, her mind growing hot with misdirected rage, I think you need to go.

He wanted to protest but didn't. He'd just been trying to understand their dynamic, but both she and Terra hadn't really given him anything to work off of. What do I do with your connection?

I don't care what you do, just get out.

He hesitated before putting in a temporary block and quickly retracting his mind.

River kept her eyes closed, not wanting to look at him.

"I..." He wasn't sure what to say, sure that River was quite mad at him. "I can, um, sleep on the couch tonight... If you... want me away." He wanted to reach out and hold her, or at the very least hold her hand. "River... I'm so sorry."

She buried her face in her hands, not wanting him to see her crying.

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

Terra had stopped kicking, confused about the absence River's mind.

"No." She whispered, slowly getting up, wiping at her eyes.

"Did I... Do you want me to undo the block?"

"No." She headed for the stairs, wanting to go to bed. The block would be dissipated within a few days anyways.

He didn't know whether he was allowed to follow or not, not having gotten an answer on that.

Toby stayed downstairs with the Doctor, pacing anxiously. "I really screwed up." He sighed heavily at the dog.

It felt like he'd only just got her back, and he knew that he wouldn't get another chance if this turned into something as huge as the fight they'd previously had. Toby barked and sat at his feet, whining.

"Every time I try to help, I just make it all worse." He bent down and pat the dog's head. Toby barked again, upset by the tension he sensed. "Sh, you'll wake everyone up." He hushed. He'd decided to go up after River had fallen asleep, not really wanting to sleep on the couch.

It didn't take long for River to fall asleep, exhausted from the day. She hadn't even bothered to take her shoes off. The Doctor gave it a good half hour before he headed up, Toby on his heels.

He looked over his wife and took her shoes off for her with as gentle a touch he could manage before changing himself. Toby jumped up on the bed, curling up on the end to go to sleep. River wasn't disturbed by the movement in the room, out cold.

The Doctor slipped into bed, shutting the light off. He carefully rested his hand over hers, whispering a goodnight. He didn't sleep for a while, though, kept up by his worries.