Monica's POV
Do you know what I think? I think we're all fool. Yeah that's right, each and every one of us are fools. To have stayed here, to have thought we were save, a bunch of fools. When has Morganville ever been safe? So pathetic that we took a few years of safety as to mean that Morganville was safe, like fuck.
I remember back when I would get Brandon to do the dirty work for me, get him to scare anyone who even came a breath too close for my comfort. Yeah those were the days when I was the powerful queen bee, when I had a Father who was Mayor of Morganville, a brother who was in the police; no one stepped a toe wrong except me. That's more than likely the key to my selfish and self-centred ways.
In every disaster that this town has had, not one has left its scar like the draug, Richard was everything to me; my protector but also the only person who knew me like no-one else ever will. He was more than just a big brother, he was my mum and dad too. He took care of me when my mother turned to a shell after my father death, he was there before that too when my parents were too busy mingling with the higher classes to pay any attention to their tear-away daughter. He was there the night of Shane's fire, when I'd teased Shane with BIC lighter trying to show him just how ballsy I was- what I didn't know was Alyssa was still inside. I'd cried all that night, and all the next few days because all I could envisage was mine and Shane's roles reversed and him teasing me with a lighter when Richard was still trapped inside. It was Richard who played my father into allowing the Collins' to leave town, he was worried that Shane would do something stupid, or probably that I'd do something even stupider.
I wasn't always that bad, I'd been sweet like any other kid; naive about people's rash opinions and all the other crap that comes with growing up. For the first few years of school I did what I was told, had loads of friends and was liked because that was before everyone was labelled, and people started to have views on what was right and wrong. And I was wrong all because of my Dad, and what being mayor meant in a town so very much haunted. I was bullied something rotten, emotionally tormented, physically pushed around. I'd sport a black eye, or have a slight limp where someone had pushed me- all because of who I was. It was couple of years later that I fought back, the first girl I punch was a chubby girl, named Tamara Wilde, I remember the pain radiating in my hand after the punch but seeing her crying and apologising to me somehow made all the pain just disappear. After that I kinda went to the extreme; I'd hurt anyone, literally anyone who got in my way. It was all one big defence, because all I really wanted was to be accepted.
So now I'm the outcast, the money I had means nothing when compared with my loneliness so now I work in an office in town hall, something I would never have achieved if it wasn't for both my father and Richard. It's okay, yes people still give me a wide eyed look but I feel I'm paving the way to them accepting me- something my brother wished me to do time and time again, I can only hope he can see me now.
Weirdly now the only thing missing is the comfort of family and being loved, I no longer traipse around with a brain-less jock on my arm, actually I haven't dated in years; haven't had the strength to try and forge a relationship with anyone when I didn't even know who I truly was myself. As if it's one of those pathetic fable tales, the moral of my story is to never be the bitch because now really all I want is to be like the girl whose life I made hell. Claire has everything, when I have nothing. So really this 'disaster' is pointless and meaningless to me as what do I have to live for? I haven't shown my face in days, just hid in the little room I called my own when we all came recluses in this one, somewhat safe building.
Look at me, once the queen now what am I? A mid-twenties loner, whose only friend is the bottom of an empty gin bottle. Pathetic. Really what do I have to live for?
