"Hey Nero, about that competition... Don't you think we should decide who the winner was? I believe I won seeing as my weapon had the most power," Dante said.

"Nope, you lose by disqualification cause you blew up the planet!" Nero shouted.

"Well, you blew up a city so shouldn't that mean you lost too? We were judging by power so that means I won," Dante said smugly.

"I am so close to killing you right now!"

"Um, ok, I'll shut up now," Dante said quickly. There was a moment of silence. "Nero?" Dante asked tentatively.

"What?" Nero asked with a dangerous look in his eyes.

"Um, I was thinking... Shouldn't we get rid of the engines in our weapons?" Dante suggested.

"Why? It's not like there's anything left to blow up."

"Well, what if we get lucky and find another planet? We don't want to blow it up too."

"Fine, let's destroy the engines, I still have Red Queen's original engine so I'll just put it back in," Nero said. They carefully removed the engines and then destroyed them with their swords.

"And now we wait," Dante said with a sigh.

"You're not allowed to complain, you're the reason we're out here!" Nero said angrily.

"Blame me if you want but it doesn't help our situation," Dante replied.

"Whatever."


One Month Later


Somehow, they were still alive and drifting along. Dante was staring at Nero and his mouth was watering. "Why are you staring at me like that?" Nero asked with a frightened tone.

"Such a big, tasty looking pizza..." Dante mumbled while staring at him.

"Dante? Are you all right?" Nero asked as he started backing away.

"Piiizaaa!" Dante yelled as he leaped at him.

"Get away from me!" Nero yelled as he started running away. After a while, Nero managed to knock him out with the Red Queen and then he just sat there and watched his unconscious form carefully. Dante sat up and looked around.

"What happened?" he asked, feeling confused.

"You don't remember? I guess I hit you harder than I thought. That's probably for the best," Nero said.

"Nero! Look it's, well, I'm not sure what it is, but anyway, look at that thing!" Dante shouted as he pointed at something. Nero turned around and gasped. It was a huge, planet-sized ring floating in space.

"What is that thing!?" Nero exclaimed.

"I'm not sure but I think we're about to hit it!"

"Maybe there are girls, err, I mean other people on it!"

"Maybe there's alien pizza on it!"

"This is, of course, assuming we survive the crash..."

"We survived our planet exploding. I'm sure we can survive this."

"You've got a point."


After The Crash


"Of all the places we could crash into on this planet, why did it have to be a stinkin swamp?" Nero complained.

"Well, at least we're in good health," Dante said.

"Let's see if we can find any people, humans or aliens, I don't care which as long as their girls are pretty," Nero said.

"I hope they have good pizza!" Dante said.

"You realize that we could have the only planet that's ever created pizza right?"

"Don't speak such nonsense, it's so good I'm sure other people would have invented it."

"Yeah...whatever you say..."

"There seems to be some large structure up ahead, let's go in!" Dante yelled as he ran off.

"Wait up!" Nero yelled as he ran after him.


"Huh, I don't see any signs of life," Nero said as they entered the structure.

"Anyone home? Helloooo!" Dante called out.

"You know, they might not be friendly aliens," Nero pointed out.

"If they're not, I'm sure we can take them," Dante said.

"I hope so..." Nero replied with a worried frown. They continued to move deeper and deeper into the structure. At one point they came across a bunch of dead alien bodies. "See, what did I tell you!" he exclaimed.

"Look at how small, ugly, and pathetic these things are! I'm sure we could take them," Dante said. Nero just sighed and continued on. They heard a commotion up ahead and dashed toward it. They saw a bunch of short, ugly, squeaky aliens running in terror.

"The demon will kill us all! He's everywhere!" one of them screamed.

"A demon?" Nero and Dante said simultaneously. Then they saw it. It was tall and covered in alien blood. It wore green armor and a helmet that hid its face. It stopped and stared at them in surprise.

"That thing's gotta be a demon! Let's kill it!" Dante yelled as he rushed at it. His sword bounced off an invisible force field. "Huh!?"

"Let me have a crack at it!" Nero yelled as he rushed at it.

"Wai-" it began to say. It was too late. Nero smashed it into the ground with the Devil Bringer. He smashed it until it stopped moving.

"Well, that's done with," Nero said happily.

"Let's go find something else to kill!" Dante said. Then something very hot hit him in the back. "Ow! It burns!" he shouted in pain. The small aliens were standing there pointing strange, glowing pistols at them.

"Hey! We just saved your butts!" Nero yelled in anger. He quickly killed them all and then ran over to check on Dante. "Are you okay?" he asked in concern.

"No! Not only does it hurt like hell, but it messed up my awesome coat!" Dante whined.

"Oh shut up. And to think I was actually worried..." Nero grumbled. They made their way all the way down through the structure until they came upon a certain door. "Something seems off here, like we're being watched..." he said nervously.

"You're a wuss! I'm sure we can handle whatever's waiting for us on the other side of this door," Dante scoffed. The door opened and dumped a horribly mangled corpse in his arms. He stared at it for a moment with wide eyes. "Aaah!" he yelled in surprise as he flung it away from him. Nero sniggered at him. "Shut up! It just took me by surprise," Dante snapped. Nero continued to snigger but Dante just ignored him. He was busy carefully peering into the room. "I don't see anything..." he said. Nero walked past him into the room and looked at all the corpses.

"These were humans!" he said with glee.

"Let's hope we can find some living ones," Dante said. Then they heard a strange sound. They spun around to see some doors burst open and a tidal wave of small, round, slimy things with tentacles bounce out. "What the crap are those things!?"

"I don't know but they don't look friendly!" Nero said. They managed to kill all of them without letting them get too close. And that's when they met the new form. They were running for the door after having killed all the infection forms when two combat forms leaped out of the darkness. "What are those things!? Zombies!?" Nero exclaimed in horror. After they killed them and headed back through the door they discovered that there was plenty more where those came from.


Several Hours Later


"I never thought I would miss the sight of a swamp this much!" Nero panted. They had fought a seemingly endless wave of those creatures and they were both worn out. They had discovered that these things didn't feel pain and their vital organs weren't all that vital to them anymore. So a stab through the chest didn't do a lot of good. Nero's Devil Bringer worked wonders, however. He could easily turn them to a pile of mush. Dante had discovered the hard way what happened when one got on you. Luckily, Nero had been there to save him.

"Aww man! They're out here too!" Dante whined as more flood popped out of bushes and attacked them. After a while, they stumbled across a structure in the center of the swamp. They climbed the structure so they wouldn't have to worry about sneak attacks.

"Hello, reclaimers," a strange glowing blue orb said as it floated in mid-air.

"What the hell are you?" Nero asked.

"I am 343 Guilty Spark, and you are the reclaimers. The sentinels will clean up the flood here so come with me please," 343 said.

"Wha-" Nero began. He was cut off when 343 teleported him and Dante away.


"Where are we?" Dante asked.

"We are in the library. We must retrieve the index so we can stop the flood," 343 said.

"What exactly are the flood? And what's this index?" Dante asked.

"Why do you ask such questions when you already know the answers?" 343 asked in confusion.

"But we don't know..."

"The flood are a parasitic life form. They take over the bodies and minds of any sentient beings they come across. As for the index, it is the key to activating this ring," 343 explained.

"What happens when we activate the ring?" Nero asked.

"All of the flood will be destroyed," 343 said simply.

"Well, that sounds good enough for me! Let's go get this index!" Dante said cheerfully.

"That's the spirit!" 343 said.


Many Hours Later


Neither Dante nor Nero was cheerful now. They had discovered that the library was not only infested with flood, but it never seemed to end. They were beginning to wonder if they would ever reach their destination. Another problem was 343. He had a nasty habit of abandoning them and leaving them to fend for themselves with no directions. His incessant jabbering was also very annoying. He was in the middle of some jabbering when Dante finally snapped. "Would you just shut up!" he yelled. Guilty Spark stopped and looked at him in surprise.

"Now Reclaimer, there's no need to be rude," 343 chided.

"Rude!? Rude!? I'll show you rude! I'll rip that stupid glowy blue eyeball right out of your head!" he shouted. Nero sighed. He was annoyed too but he knew it wouldn't do any good. Guilty Spark wasn't all that there and any sort of insult or sarcasm seemed to be lost on him.

I hope we find the index soon... he thought as Dante ranted at 343.


Yes! We've finally got it! Nero thought happily as they walked toward it. Dante was staring at it as if it were the last pizza on the planet. He grabbed it and hugged it before 343 jerked it out of his hands.

"Hey! Give that back!" Dante shouted.

"I'm sorry, but you could fall victim to the flood. So I must carry this to our destination," 343 said.

"Strange how we managed to get here without 'falling victim to the flood'," Dante muttered. Guilty Spark just ignored him like he always did. Guilty Spark teleported them to a large room they'd never seen before.

"Where are we?" Nero asked.

"The control room for the ring," 343 answered. He floated over to a large, glowing control panel. "This is where you are to insert the index," he said. Nero and Dante stepped forward to take it at the same time. They stopped and glared at each other.

"I should get to do it cause I've got something personal against the flood!" Dante said motioning at his now healed neck wound.

"I think I should take it cause you'll likely blow the place up!" Nero said angrily.

"Yeah right! It was your fault last time, not mine!"

"Who installed the Death Star engine? I can tell you it wasn't me!"

"Please, this isn't nec-" 343 began.

"Oh shut it!" they both shouted at him at the same time.

"Fine..." 343 said sulkily. Guilty Spark watched them for a while before he finally decided he'd had enough. "Silence, please!" he shouted. They both stopped and stared at him in amazement. "I'll give it to you, Nero," 343 said.

"Why him?" Dante asked. "Because he didn't shout at me but once, you've done it multiple times," 343 sniffed.

"Good enough reasoning for me!" Nero said cheerfully. He accepted the index from 343 and then went to place it in its slot. But before he could, Dante dived at him and knocked it out of his hand. "Hey!" Nero shouted. They started wrestling over it.

And they call me annoying... 343 thought.

"Got it!" Dante yelled. As he went to stick in its slot Nero knocked him forward and caused him to mash several buttons and break a few things on the control panel. "Oops, hope those weren't important."

"Weren't important! You just activated the self destruct mechanism! I didn't even know that it was possible to activate it that way!" 343 shouted.

"Well, I guess it's time to get outta here then, right, Nero?" Dante asked. Nero was busy staring at a see-through blue girl that had appeared and didn't look happy.

"I was gathering important data before you idiots interrupted me!" she said angrily.

"I think you'd better get outta here. This place is about to explode," Dante said.

"I can't, I'm an A.I." she replied.

"A what?" Dante asked.

"Artificial Intelligence. But despite being artificial I still have more brains than you!" she snapped.

"This place is gonna explode so I think I'm gettin outta here," Dante said as he turned to leave.

"Don't bother, I think I can stop the explosion for a while," she said.

"Really? Cool," Dante said.

"Why is that guy drooling at me?" she asked as she pointed at Nero.

"You might be an Artificial something another, but you're still pretty... What's your name?" Nero asked.

"Cortana. Would you please stop drooling?" Cortana demanded.

"Okay, will you be my girlfriend?" Nero asked.

"I wish Master Chief were here, maybe he could get rid of the idiots," she said with a sigh.

"Who's he? He's not your boyfriend is he?" Nero asked with a worried frown.

"No, he's a seven-foot tall, green armored super warrior," she said.

"Crap, we kinda killed that guy..." Dante said.

"You what!?" Cortana shouted.

"Well, Nero's the one who did the killing," Dante said.

"Shut up! You're not supposed to tell her that!" Nero yelled.

"That's it! I can't let Halo or my data fall into enemy hands. Master Chief and everyone else, other than you idiots, are dead so I'm going to let this place blow up!" Cortana declared.

"No!" 343, Nero, and Dante all yelled at the same time. Then Halo blew up. The last three survivors floated through space. Nero looked horrified, Dante looked annoyed, and 343 was going into spasms, well, as much as a glowy ball could, anyway.

"How could you idiots do this!?" 343 shouted.

"Oh shut it," Dante said. Then he kicked it and sent it flying off into space. "Well, at least we don't have to deal with him anymore, right, Nero?" Dante said.

"You cheated me out of another girlfriend! I'll kill you!" Nero screamed as he rushed at Dante.

"Calm down, she wasn't even really alive," Dante said as he dodged him. At least our chunk of planet is bigger this time. More space to run away he thought as he ran from Nero.