There was a knock on the door of the Devil May Cry. Dante stretched and yawned as he got up off the couch where he had been napping. He walked over to the door and opened it. A pretty young girl with long blond hair and bright green eyes greeted him. "Here's the pizza you ordered, sir," she said cheerfully.

"Thanks. Haven't seen you before. Are ya new?" Dante asked.

"Yep, just recently got the job," she replied happily.

"I hope you get to deliver my pizza more often," Dante said with a grin.

"Why? Do you think I'm pretty?" she asked with a giggle.

"Sure do, babe," he replied.

"Thanks! I hope I get to deliver here more often, too!" she said. She then turned to leave.

"Wait, what's your name?" Dante asked.

"Selena," she answered with a wave as she left.

Wow, a girl actually showed interest in me! Dante thought cheerfully. He then ate his pizza and went back to sleep.


The Next Day


Dante had just got out of the shower when he heard a knock on the door. He opened the door to see Selena smiling and holding a pizza. A hot babe, that actually likes me, with pizza. I wish I could have more days like this Dante thought. Selena was busy looking like she might drop the pizza.

I actually saw Dante shirtless! She thought excitedly. She looked like she might start drooling.

A girl is actually checking me out! Dante thought in surprise. She quickly snapped out of it and gave him his pizza. Before he even had the chance to flirt, she ran off. That was strange he thought. He just shrugged and then started eating his pizza.


One Week Later


Every day Selena had delivered his pizza, and every time she ran off immediately after. Dante was disappointed because he thought he had finally managed to get a girlfriend. He heard a knock on the door. Here we go again he thought with a sigh. He opened the door and accepted the pizza. Selena stood there and stared at him with a nervous look on her face. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Well, u-um, I just wanted to ask if y-you wanted to go on a d-date with me?" she stuttered.

"That's all? Of course I do!" Dante exclaimed. She squealed and leaped at him. She hugged him so hard it hurt. "You're smothering me!" he gasped.

"Sorry!" she squeaked as she quickly let go. "Tomorrow night at 6 P.M." she chirped before running off.

I hope this goes well... Dante thought.


The Next Night at 6:00 P.M.


"Dante, you're so hot," Selena purred.

"I know, aren't I?" Dante said with a grin. Selena moved closer to him and then suddenly transformed into Jester.

"Give me a kiss!" Jester yelled as he leaped at Dante.

"Noooo!" Dante wailed. His eyes snapped open. I didn't know nightmares could be that horrible he thought with a shudder. He heard a knock on the door. Before he could even put his hand on the doorknob, the door burst open, and she practically tackled him.

"What do you wanna do? See a movie? Eat at an expensive restaurant? Or would you rather just hang out?" she asked.

"Erm, how about a movie and then some pizza?" Dante suggested.

"Whatever you want," Selena purred.

"Don't do that!" Dante yelped as he jumped away from her.

"Do what?" She asked.

"Never mind, I just had a bad dream..." he said.

"Let's go!" she said cheerfully as she dragged him out the door.


Later That Night


Dante was already regretting the date. Selena was way too peppy and clingy for his liking. He couldn't walk without having to peel her off of himself. And every time a girl would even glance in his direction, Selena would give them a death glare. The movie was over and they were at a restaurant eating pizza. Dante planned on wolfing down his pizza and ending the date as quickly as possible. The only upside was that Selena was paying for the movie and meal. A group of teenage girls was sitting at a nearby table. They kept glancing at Dante and giggling. I hope Selena doesn't notice for their sake he thought.

"I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back," Selena said. As soon as she left, Dante turned around and waved at the group of girls with a grin on his face. The girls giggled and waved back. Just as they did, Selena popped out of nowhere and gave a war cry before rushing at them and attempting to beat the crap out of them. Dante ran over and pulled her off of them. "Get off me, you cheater!" she screamed.

"If you don't stop, they'll call the cops on us," Dante warned.

"I don't care!" she screeched.

"I do, now come on," Dante growled as he started dragging her away. She kicked at him but he just ignored her. He dragged her outside before the girls had a chance to tell the employees what had happened. She quietly followed him back to the Devil May Cry. Dante turned to see her crying. "What's your problem?" he questioned.

"You! I can't believe you would cheat on me on our first date!" Selena sobbed.

"I just waved at them! That doesn't qualify as cheating!" Dante exclaimed.

"But what would have happened if I hadn't been spying on you?" she demanded.

"Nothing! I was just joking around! I wouldn't have done anything. Get a grip and stop being so clingy," he complained.

"I was just trying to make you happy!" she wailed. Dante sighed in annoyance.

"Look, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but this just isn't gonna work."

"You can't leave me! The only reason I even became a pizza deliverer was so I could see you every day!" Selena sobbed.

"Wait, what? How did you know about me? I sure don't remember meeting you before that first time you delivered my pizza," Dante questioned.

"I saw you eating at the pizza place one day and I knew it was love at first sight," she began. Dante rolled his eyes, but she didn't notice. "I went to eat there every day hoping to see you again, but you never came. One day, I heard some employees complaining about an annoying customer. They said he ordered pizza almost every day, but he never paid his bill. I asked them who he was out of curiosity and they said he was some white-haired punk named Dante. I realized it must be you and so I applied for a job there in hopes of getting to deliver your pizza and finally meet you and ask you out on a date," she said sadly.

"So you're basically a creepy stalker," Dante said.

"No! Don't you understand love at first sight!?" Selena wailed.

"Love at first sight is supposed to work for both sides, and sorry babe, but I don't love you," Dante replied.

"But why!?" she cried.

"Cause your insane," he replied. Selena cried loudly as she got into her car and sped away. I really do have rotten luck with women... Dante thought grumpily.


Several Weeks Later


Selena had disappeared. He never got any phone calls from her and she stopped coming to the Devil May Cry. This put Dante in a cheerful mood. He'd felt bad for making her cry at first, but when he had discovered she was a stalker, he stopped caring. He had just gotten out of the shower when he heard a knock on the door. That should be my pizza he thought cheerfully. He strolled over, opened his door, and then let out a cry of surprise when he saw Selena. "What're you doing here!?" he exclaimed.

"My job," she replied.

"You know what I mean," he growled.

"I've decided to forgive you and so I'm delivering here again," she replied.

"Whatever," he grumbled. He accepted the pizza and then pulled a piece out and took a big bite out of it. Selena went to walk into the shop before Dante stepped in her way. "No way am I letting you in here," he said.

"I only wanted to visit for a few minutes. It's been so very long," she said innocently.

"I see you're as psycho as ever. It's only been a few weeks!" Dante exclaimed.

"That's too long to be away from you," she said as she stared at his shirtless form.

"Normally I wouldn't mind being checked out by a pretty girl, but you're the exception. Now get out," he said with a glare.

"Why?" she asked calmly.

"Cause your creepy and I think you're up to something," he replied. She turned to leave but then stopped in the doorway.

"How do you like the pizza? I cooked it myself," she said with an evil grin.

"Wait, wha-" he cut himself off when he realized everything was spinning. "Crap," he muttered before collapsing.


Where am I? He wondered as he looked around. It only took him a few seconds to realize he was tied to a chair in the attic of the Devil May Cry.

"You're all mine now!" Selena said with a cackle.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" Dante whined.

"I didn't tell you the full story before. I didn't manage to get the job at first. They said they had all the employees they needed. So I killed the former pizza deliverer so I could get the job. Do you get what I'm saying?" she asked sweetly.

"That you're the psychotic fangirl from hell, possibly literally?"

"No, I'm willing to kill for you! That's how much I love you!" she said.

"Yeah, I'll stick with what I just said," Dante said.

"I decided that since you didn't return my feelings, I would force you to be with me!" Selena said before bursting into a fit of evil laughter. She walked toward him with a perverted gleam in her eyes.

Time to get outta here Dante thought. He easily snapped the ropes.

"What!?" she exclaimed.

"I guess you didn't know as much about me as you thought," he said with a smirk. She pulled out a gun and shot him in the knee. He stumbled back but then just kept coming. She fired several more shots, but he just dodged them.

"What are you!?"

"Oh me? Just a half-demon," he said with a sinister grin, hoping to scare her.

"That's so sexy!" she squealed.

Well that plan failed miserably he thought. He wrenched the gun out of her hand and then pointed it at her. "I'm not in the business of killing humans, but you are a murderer and a danger to me, so I guess I'll make an exception," he said.

"No! Please, I just wanted to be with you!" Selena sobbed.

"I hate to make a lady cry, but this has got to end," he said. He shot her in the head and caught her corpse before it hit the ground. "Well, I did learn a lesson from this. Never go out with a peppy fangirl. The nicer they seem, the crazier they are."