"Sei? Wake up."
In the Tower I tend to wake up swinging. If I'm able to move at all. But that particular morning I woke up without my memories, and no reason to try escaping my own skin.
So instead all I did was roll over – and end up falling off the bed.
"Morning princess," Mizuki called from the kitchen portion of the room.
The previous day rushed back to me, smashing through my body like a brick breaking water.
I was no longer in Oval Tower, no longer in Platinum Jail – I was no longer a prisoner. I had shed the shackles of my own god given rights – at least for an afternoon.
Oh but Toue was going to be so mad when he found me.
If he found me.
If I lived that long.
I looked up at Mizuki through bleary eyes.
"Princess?" I asked.
His eyes widened a fraction.
"Ah, sorry," he stammered. To himself he said, "they should have a gender-neutral term with the same kind of endearment."
"It's fine," I told him, "I don't hate it."
I braced a hand against the bed and pushed myself up into a seated position on the floor.
My memories of the night before were a bit of a blur; after a while we'd resumed drinking and the empty bottle lay somewhere beneath the bed. At some point I must've redressed and climbed into bed – any other scenario just didn't sit right in my stomach.
I let out a loud yawn, stretching my hands above my head.
Mornings are the worst. Though judging by the light streaming in from the still open curtains, it wouldn't be morning much longer.
Mizuki handed me a mug and sat down beside me, holding a matching one.
"Do you feel sick?" he asked. "You didn't drink a lot – but it was your first time."
"I feel fine."
I stared dubiously at the dark liquid sloshing around in the cup. It had a nice smell but I could hardly trust my senses after last night.
"It's coffee," Mizuki said, "well it's supposed to be – but I'm sort of out of milk and sugar so it's really just brown water. It'll taste terrible but it should help you wake up."
I took a sip and scrunched my nose at the bitter taste that hit my tongue.
"This is still better than what I usually wake up to," I muttered.
Morning wake up calls when I was younger – not so much since after fifteen – ranged from anywhere between sirens, to being physically dragged to the ground until I was able to shake the person off.
Mizuki tried it himself.
"That can't be true," he said, holding the mug as far away from himself as possible.
It actually wasn't so bad and I managed to swallow it all down in two tries.
"That's disgusting," Mizuki said, his eyes fixed on me, "if you're still around tomorrow I'll buy coffee."
"That'll only happen if you don't do a good job today."
Mizuki groaned.
"How am I supposed to be helpful when I have no idea what we're doing?"
It was mid-afternoon by the time we left. Mizuki said he'd tried waking me earlier but apparently I was a heavy sleeper.
When we went downstairs there were people everywhere. Most of them were part of Dry Juice while some were people actually waiting to be tattooed. I walked close to Mizuki as we navigated through the space. The looks I was getting this time weren't predatory but seemed rather amused.
"Where should we go?" Mizuki asked once we were outside.
"Would it be stupid to retrace our steps?" I replied.
I thought maybe Virus and Trip left me where they left me for a reason. They probably knew I would try to run as far as I could from any place they could find me – it seemed like the kind of thing they would do.
"That's fine I guess… though it looks like it might rain."
I looked up to see the sky's deep blue replaced with a dreary mix of grey and white. It was every bit as beautiful as the first colours I had seen yesterday.
"Oh – will it snow?" I asked.
"No. it's too early for that. It probably won't snow for a few more months."
"Oh. Well rain should be just as good right? I've never seen real rain."
He looked at me like I was a sad puppy, but didn't say a thing. I guess fawning over mundane things was an eye catcher in the real world where they fawned over only the most extraordinary of things.
The streets were just as crowded as they had been the day before. Everything was so loud and lively, and I found I didn't mind so much this time around. That was until we got to places which were more congested, where there was hardly any space for me to move without being touched. Every little touch made me want to run right back to Oval Tower.
It was something I would probably never get over; at least not in the amount of time I had left. Once we were able to escape the busiest places we travelled mostly through side-streets and dodgy looking alleyways.
"Is it me, or are there more people out today?" I asked.
"It's because of the rain. They're all trying to get their days over before it comes," Mizuki explained, "Is that not a problem where you come from?"
"I don't know," I said absently. Not a complete lie.
"You don't know much do you?"
"Nothing that has any application out here."
"Yet you know some killer self-defence techniques."
"Yeah," I gave an emotionless smile, "that's the one thing I know which has no application at home."
We were silent for a moment and I thought maybe I'd said the wrong thing. I hadn't messed up with Mizuki so far but one wrong word could leave me on the streets. That's how people out here worked, wasn't it?
He was quick to change the subject after that; the implications of my words seemed too heavy at that moment.
"So – exactly what kind of terrorist are you?" he asked.
"What?"
"That's what you are right? You're just not good at it – which explains why you need my help. So we're probably looking for a weapon of mass-destruction and I'll later be arrested as your accomplice."
"Well I guess that part is true," I conceded, "Oh I mean the weapon part, not the arrest part. They'll probably leave you alone."
"Probably," he echoed.
I laughed at the mixed expression on his face; like he was uncomfortable with the joke he'd started.
"Well just how many terrorists do you know?" I asked.
"Just you."
I opened my mouth to tell him I wasn't – and technically I wasn't. I may have been able to induce a mass amount of terror with my abilities but as property of the government I wasn't classed as a terrorist. But the words didn't make it out. I may as well have choked on them.
We were in a pretty narrow, shady street and up until right then we'd been the only ones there. But – as though they'd been tracking me the entire time – Virus and Trip walked in out of an even shadier street. Probably out conducting some obscure business which could only be done in the seediest corners of the world.
Virus was droning on about only god knows what – Trip probably wasn't listening at all – but the two came to a standstill and Trip was the first to look my way. Like he could sense me.
I'd been thinking about it non-stop since they left my side – about when they were gonna pop out of nowhere yelling "just kidding!" and drag me back to the tower. But that's not what happened.
Virus stopped talking and followed Trip's eyes. When he saw me he smiled in that familiar way that made me feel so small. I was frozen in place just waiting for the world to beginning crumbling around me. But it didn't.
They walked away as though they hadn't seen me at all.
As though they didn't know me.
They were really leaving it up to Toue to track me down. Or maybe that was what they wanted me to think. How did I know they weren't following me everywhere I went? Just – just waiting for the perfect moment to steal everything away from me again.
Oh and now they'd seen Mizuki, which mean he could be in danger too.
My stomach sank with that thought.
"Sei?"
I hadn't moved in minutes. Mizuki had kept going, unaware that I wasn't following him. He'd only now realized and come back to see if I was alright.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing," I said quietly. I stumbled over to a wall and leaned against it, the weight of my own body now too heavy for me to handle. "I just need a moment. Please."
I covered my eyes with my hands, squeezing them shut. I wanted to believe I was somewhere else. Like at a beach – something I had only ever read about – feeling sand for the first time or swallowing too much sea water and not caring how many people had spat in it. Or somewhere surrounded by a blanket of snow, watching it melt on my fingertips and land in my hair.
Or – or in a small room. Very small. Too small. A room in Oval Tower – a non-direct punishment for running away. A room where times stops and the only sound in the world is the rapid-fire beating of my own heart and there's no reason to believe anything else exists.
I thought I was going to die.
Isn't that what usually happens when panic becomes too much – you start to feel like you'll die if it gets any worse. You don't even think about the state you're in; curled up on the dirty ground of an alley, sobbing silently into hands which ached to tear your own face clean off – breathing so ragged it might just stop.
Nothing to keep you grounded.
That's the hardest part – staying grounded.
I was expecting to be yanked by my hair out of my little hell and back into the real one. Instead I was left inside my tiny room clinging to a continuous dull clapping sound. The rhythm slowed gradually and the walls of my room faded into darkness.
Then I was able to move again. I dug my nails into my skin, trying to draw myself back to the present. I held my breath until I was sure I would be able to let it out, good and slow.
It was just like the night before in the Black Needle. Mizuki was sitting in front of me – not too close – clapping his hands together idly. Maybe he didn't even realize what he was doing. Maybe he was trying to match me.
Again once my panic ended I was enveloped by a very different set of emotions.
Why couldn't I control myself?
Every little thing set me off!
I didn't belong out here with normal people.
They might as well just take me back now.
Mizuki stopped moving when I started hitting my head against the wall. I heard shuffling and then, "Sei, is it alright?"
My breath hitched and I nodded, giving permission I was sure I wasn't qualified to give. I felt his arm wrap around my waist; warm and real, pulling me against him softly with room to escape if I needed to.
"That was worse than last night," Mizuki said, resting his head on top of mine. "Are you okay?"
"I'm sorry," I said, "I didn't mean for it to happen. I –"
"I know. It's not your fault," he said. And it was all he said.
He didn't even question what had set me off. Like it didn't matter – but in a nice way.
We stayed there for the longest time. Just like in the Black Needle. He waited until it seemed like I was completely fine. He was careful with the way he touched me, actively responding to every move I made. Always soft and sweet in a way I'd never experienced before.
That was until the sky opened with a loud crack, causing my head to snap upwards, catching the first drop of rain on my nose.
"What was that?" I whispered, horrified.
"Thunder," Mizuki stated, clearly holding back laughter, "Never heard of it?"
I shook my head, my heart almost stopping as the sky lit up for a fraction of a second.
Mizuki stood up and brushed himself of before holding a hand and pulling me up with him.
"We better find somewhere to wait it out," he said, "or we'll end up getting sick."
I nodded numbly and gripped his hand tighter when he tried to pull away. Our eyes met for a split second before we both looked away.
Our awkward moment was cut off by the sound of footsteps and yelling, coming from a large group of people. Their noises were somewhat drowned out by the pouring rain and maybe it was that muffled quality which led me to investigate.
When I reached the mouth of the alley a small group of people pushed right past me, joining another group running from another direction, both groups disappearing around a corner.
Beside me, Mizuki swore under his breath. "They're really gonna do it in this weather?" he asked nobody.
"What's going on?" I asked. My question was answered immediately through a familiar presence.
Usui.
I felt Mizuki trying to pull me in the other direction.
"We should probably –"
I pulled back.
"Let's go check it out!"
