- cerebralAbstraction [CA] began pestering terminalAggressor [TA] at 20:17 -

CA: Good evening, brother.

TA: hey

TA: gimme a sec

CA: Take your time. I would hate to inconvenience you.

TA: alright i'm back

CA: In record time might I add.

TA: hell yeah you can take note of my physical prowess

TA: dane's trying to make dave wear one of his shitty ball caps

CA: A worthwhile endeavor that clearly required your mediation. The burning question is whether or not he was successful.

TA: yeah

TA: the runt tried to hide behind me

TA: as if that ever worked for him

CA: As always, your demonstrable love for your brothers shine through.

CA: Truly, it warms the heart.

TA: if you aren't gonna get to the point you can go ahead and fuck off

TA: i got shit to do

TA: you and your books and shit aint got nothing on this guy

CA: Ah, of course. How could I ever forget? Are you referring to your illustrious career crafting smutty puppets or your admittedly astounding career as a DJ?

TA: they're smuppets you uncultured bitch

CA: My mistake.

CA: Unfortunately, there are things that need to be discussed. Very important things.

CA: Is this a good time?

TA: shit you serious?

TA: fuck

TA: this is as good a time as any

TA: dane and dave just left for the movies so i'm all yours

CA: Did they leave in shitty matching headgear?

TA: you bet your ass they did

TA: so what's up sis

CA: Well, I received a call from a social worker today. It turns out that another relative of mother's bore two children with our paternal genetic donor.

TA: shit man

TA: i have no idea why the hell anyone would want to disgrace their genitals with contact with that asshole

TA: so she wants to give the kids up?

CA: She did give them up.

CA: Roughly fourteen years ago.

CA: Just after they were born.

CA: The Lalonde tradition for twins continues.

TA: what the fuck

TA: lalonde are you serious

CA: Tomorrow, I will be meeting with the social worker in question to discuss custody. Ruth has cut her trip short to return home as soon as possible.

CA: Though the situation is rather terrible, she seems excited to meet the new sibs.

CA: Derek? Are you still there?

CA: Have you finally drowned in plush puppet rump, I will carve it on your tombstone myself.

TA: not yet but i appreciate the declaration

TA: and they're called smuppets

TA: but yeah i went to get myself a beer

TA: this is heavy shit

CA: One of them is named Roxy Lalonde. I have been informed she was removed from the home due to abuse but I have not been informed to what extent she may have suffered.

CA: She will be seeing the family therapist anyway. It is vital to cultivate healthy coping mechanisms at a young age.

TA: yeah because that definitely worked for rose

TA: do we know where the family lived?

CA: There will be no retaliation unless Roxy herself asks for it.

TA: and then justice will be swift and well deserved

CA: Naturally.

TA: the other kid is a boy right?

TA: can't upset the delicate strider-lalonde balance

CA: His name is Dirk.

TA: a good name

CA: Reportedly, he was placed with a family when he was eight. The next morning his foster parents were gone and never returned. He continued living there until Roxy's situation was discovered and she refused to leave him behind.

TA: that's a real shitty joke Lalonde

CA: I can assure you that no one is laughing.

TA: what kind of incompetent fucks leave a kid on his own for fucking years?

CA: The social worker that initially handled the case is dead and has been for two years. There isn't likely to be a satisfactory answer.

CA: Roxy was placed in the same area and the two became friends. I am unsure whether anyone has explained the family tree to them yet.

TA: you said you're going to pick them up tomorrow?

CA: I will do everything in my power to.

CA: For this, I am not above using my influence.

TA: damn right

TA: okay so which one of us should come up?

CA: I can assure you I'm more than adequate for the job.

TA: no one on god's fucked earth will fight you on that

TA: point is we're getting another brother

TA: and he deserves to not be surrounded by lalondes

CA: As always, I am flattered by your regard.

CA: How soon can you travel to Pennsylvania?

TA: pennsylvania?

CA: That's where they are.

TA: according to the internet we can be there in roughly four hours

TA: so just give me a rough time you'll be in Pennsylvania tomorrow

TA: and you can pick one of us up on your way there

CA: I will message you the pertinent details later.

TA: still doesn't answer the question of which of us you want up there

TA: dane is taking a break and i'm unattached

TA: we can't send Dave up

CA: Please excuse my incoming bout of familial affection.

TA: woah what the fuck

TA: i didn't sign up for this

CA: It would comfort me if you were the one beside me when I meet Dirk and Roxy. Dane is my brother but you are my twin.

TA: why do we have to bring feelings into this

TA: i'm a good person why is this happening

CA: The bond between twins should not be taken lightly.

TA: shiiiiiiiiit

TA: i'm getting a ticket

TA: i'll be there

TA: how do you do this

CA: Striders are notoriously weak when confronted with honest emotion. It's a known fact.

TA: fuck you

TA: no we're not

CA: If we are employing our collective influence to smooth this out, Dane is a better choice. We must think of advantage rather than emotions.

TA: fuck you

TA: dane will meet you tomorrow morning and me and dave will fly out after school

TA: good old weekend family reunion

TA: ready the good towels

CA: That's hardly necessary.

TA: if you get to meet the new lalonde then we get to meet the new strider

CA: It would be nice to introduce them to everyone. This may sound strange but I'm excited to welcome them into our family.

TA: i'll let you know how i feel later

TA: we'll see if the kid can hold his own

TA: earn his place in the kickass strider family

CA: The social worker suggested that Dirk scavenged to get by but one must wonder what else he had to do to survive.

CA: I think the manly Striders can afford to be kind this one time.

CA: Derek?

CA: Have you died in puppet ass yet?

TA: they're fucking smuppets

TA: i went for another couple of beers

TA: i need them

CA: I feel similarly.

- cerebralAbstraction [CA] ceased pestering terminalAggressor [TA] at 21: 36 -