Characters;
Arthur 'England' Kirkland
Francis 'France' Bonnefoi
Alistair 'Scotland' Kirkland
Gervais the tavern-skivvy [random OC]
Marie the Nuisance [based on a real person]
Pairings; slight FrUK
Summary; Arthur and Francis are hungover. Alistair meets a Frenchwoman and makes a request of her.
Notes; speech written in psuedo-Old English, plain English translations put after
Somewhere in North France, 1340
Arthur slumps over the tavern table, cloak pulled over his head. "Forbid me more the drink, Francis." Don't let him drink again, Francis.
"T'was of your wish," Francis grunts. It was Arthur's idea.
"I do not believe that."
"By-the-by, I swear." It was, Francis is not lying.
"O visit a nunnery!" Oh fuck off!
"I would, but sunlight falls and I am not to greet it." Francis would but it is bright outside and he's too hungover to face that.
Just outside, Alistair scrapes the mud off his boots, wagging way with the stable-boy, a gangly teen known as Gervais. Gervais has lived and worked at the tavern as long as he can remember, and is one marvellous story-teller. Then again, Alistair can slag off pompous merchants from sunrise to sunset.
Gervais pauses mid sentence, and laughs. "Mister Kirkland, you are a Scotsman, are you not?"
"Yes, I am," Alistair says.
"Did you ever hear a woman play the bagpipes?"
"What?"
Gervais points. A short way down the road, a woman comes ambling up, a leather purse tied around her waist and a set of bagpipes under her arm.
"Hurry Mister Kirkland, I daresay you shall wish to see this," Gervais pulls his boots on quickly, standing up and heading into the tavern.
Alistair stands as the woman reaches the doorstep, and he politely holds the door open. The woman steps in, surveys the room, and heads over to Arthur and Francis.
Arthur falls off his chair as the woman gives the bagpipes a squeeze. The sound is not coherent or pleasant, just noisy in such a small room.
"Alistair! Cease this!" Arthur yells.
"Naught I!" Alistair yells back. It's not him!
Arthur peers out from under his cloak, glaring up at the woman. "Francis, bade her cease!" Make her stop!
The woman plays a few more notes at random, Francis covering his ears. Alistair laughs, clapping.
Arthur grabs one of the bagpipes, pulling hard. The instrument squeals as the woman grabs at it, and Arthur visibly grimaces.
"What are you doing, woman?" He demands.
"Being a nuisance," the woman replies curtly, resetting the bagpipes under her arm.
"You need nought repeat it," Arthur grumbles. She doesn't need to say that again.
The woman smiles pleasantly, and leans down. She levels her face up with Arthur's and screams: "I am being a nuisance!"
Arthur repulses away, smacking his head on the floor and whining in pain. The woman laughs, standing back up and blowing the bagpipes up again.
Arthur kicks her in the shin. "How do I bade you stop being a nuisance, madam?"
The woman smiles, opening the pouch at her hip and shaking it.
Arthur pulls a few coins from his own pouch, dropping them into the offered bag. The woman turns, shaking the pouch at Francis, who throws one of his gold rings at her.
The woman moves on to the next table, the tavern goers handing her coins before she can even start playing.
"She is Marie the Nuisance," Gervais says, pointing to her, "She comes here daily for the past two months."
"And simply… they pay her to stop?" Alistair asks, grinning.
"Yes. It is the devil's plan and it is utterly marvellous."
Marie reaches the pair, Gervais dropping a coin in her purse.
Alistair unfastens his chain from around his neck. "Do you see this, madame? It is of solid gold."
Marie and Gervais stare at the chain in shock.
"Why would you work the stables with worth like this?!" Gervais asks. Why would Alistair live like a poor, working man if he owns something as expensive as a heavy gold chain?
"I have my reasons, lad. Madame Marie, have the chain. I have another I shall give you tomorrow, three thinner silver chains long enough to wrap around my waist I shall give you the day after, and a purse of rubies I shall give you the day after, If, you follow that man," Alistair points at Arthur, "For the entire three days. No mind to his whining, no mind what he pays you, no mind to his anger."
Marie grins. "It is done, sir."
100% accu-rat!
Marie the Nuisance was a real woman. Unfortunately, I can only really find one source, so link in the profile.
In three months of bothering people with bagpipes, Marie made enough money to buy Gascony, a region in South-West France.
It's not known whether a Scottish man gave her a fuckton of wealth to follow the same English man for three days. It's unlikely.
Random headcannons of the day;
Throughout history, Arthur, Francis, and other Europeans have enjoyed showing off their wealth by giving out expensive gifts.
Alistair is a hoarder. He would keep the extravagent gifts, but give them away for very little becasue he has no actual need for them.
Alistair also likes to keep himself busy, often helping out workers with manual labour.
The three thinner chains Alistair mentions are specifically sporran (those pouch/bag things worn with kilts) chains. He was given the gold chains by Arthur, the rubies from Francis. He liked the chain because it's heaviness reminded him of the bands he wore in his Celt days.
I own nothing
I keep writing at least one Kirkland with a hangover. Huh.
-Laurel Silver
