Characters;
Chuckie 'Sealand' Kirkland
Taisto 'Finland' Väinämöinen
Susan 'Sweden'
Oxenstierna
Lorenzo 'Veneziano' Vargas (bad mouthed brunet)
Flavio 'Romano' Vargas (bottle blond)

Pairings; Hanatamago family (SuFin), Italian brothers.

Summary; Chuckie won't eat his food

AU; 2p!talia, human

Warning; horror, gore and mentioned cannibalism. It's not a funny or silly chapter, if you're squeamish there's a double update today so just skip on to the next chapter, don't worry about it.


You are welcome to grizzly tales for gruesome kids; a series of cautionary tales for lovers of squeam.

Have you ever wondered where spaghetti comes from? Chuckie knows. But Chuckie couldn't tell you if he tried.

About a year ago, a warehouse near where Chuckie used to live suddenly started to come alive at night. Inside, a machine whirred and pounded, creaked and sliced, beeped and stretched. The warehouse would smell strongly of flour and baking and blood. Children across the city began to go missing, one by one by one.

Chuckie was a six year old boy back then, living with his parents. His father, Taisto, was a quiet man who kept to himself and ignored Chuckie and his wife as best he could. His 'mother', known as Susan, was constantly exasperated by Chuckie's refusal to eat anything he cooked.

"One of these days," he scolded, "The Spaghetti Men will come and they'll mash you down into pasta."

"The Spaghetti Men aren't real!" Chuckie yelled, and threw his plate of fresh meatballs across the room. The food hit the kitchen window and slid down, the plate breaking on the floor.

Taisto just ignored them both.

In the warehouse, the machine beeped, and a man laughed.

The following day, Taisto ducked out of the house to work before the Terrible Breakfast Spiel of the day.

Chuckie sat at the table, arms folded, butter and jam smacked to the floor. "I don't want toast!" he shouted, "I don't like it! I don't ever want to eat yucky toast again!"

"You ate it yesterday!" Susan said.

"I don't care! I'm going to sit here until you make me something else!"

"You'll be sitting there a very long time then!"

Chuckie harrumphed. Susan ignored him, cleaning up the floor and fetching himself a book to read.

And there they sat, all day long. The lunch Susan prepared was launched across the kitchen table, splattering the cupboards, and Susan spent all afternoon cleaning it up. The dinner put down as Taisto arrived home was sent flying as Chuckie kicked the table over.

Taisto stood, heading for the living room, leaving Susan to clean up. Chuckie remained seated, arms folded and pout heavy on his face.

The sun set. In the warehouse, the machine roared to life, it's two keepers scuttling about. One, a bad mouthed brunet, dropped some 'ingredients' into the gaping mouth of the machine, and screams filled the warehouse. The other, a bottle blond, waved a joyous farewell to his brother and slipped out the door.

Taisto beckoned for Susan to follow him to the living room, take-away menu rolled up in his hand. Susan left the kitchen. Left Chuckie sat there. All alone.

Chuckie seized the opportunity. He slid off his chair, legs numb after sitting all day, and kicked his way through the mess on the floor. He stuffed pieces of carrots into the sink plughole and drain, and turned the tap on full blast. He climbed up onto the counter and opened all the cupboards, pulling out everything inside and throwing it all on the floor. Tins and jars, pots and pans, spices and a large bag of penne pasta.

As the sink began to spill over, the kitchen door creaked open. Chuckie turned, proud of his handiwork.

"What now, mother?" he jeered, smirking. But his mother was not there. The kitchen was empty, aside from him.

Chuckie slid off the counter, frowning in confusion. A strong smell of flour clung to the air, but Chuckie hadn't thrown any flour. Chuckie's mother didn't like baking, so there wasn't any flour in the kitchen.

The smell grew stronger, almost like walking into a bakery. But the smell had a strange, metallic undertone that Chuckie didn't recognise.

"Mother?" Chuckie called.

Susan didn't respond.

Large bootprints formed in the mess on the kitchen floor, trekking from the door up to Chuckie. A snort, and flour blew in Chuckie's face. Chuckie coughed, sneezed, and passed out.

When he woke up, Chuckie was in a room full of other children. Signs hung around the children's necks. Tall, thin children has a picture of spaghetti. Round children had macaroni pieces. Tiny children, some tots, had little pasta shells.

Chuckie looked down at his sign. "Lasagne!" he yelled in disgust, "Yuck! I hate lasagne! It is the worst food of all the foods ever!"

"Oh is it?" a voice asked. The brothers stood at the door. The brunet brother had spoken. His brown suit was stained with red, and his mouth was stretched back into a permanent smirk.

"Yes!" Chuckie shouted, "Even my mother's shitty meatballs were better than any lasagne!"

"Bad mouthed, noisy and he doesn't eat his food?" the blond brother commented. He was much cleaner, a flour-like white powder clung to his pale suit. "How delicious."

"Who the fuck are you two?!" Chuckie demanded.

"We're the Spaghetti Men," the brunet said, "And you really should have eaten your food.

The machine pounded and whirred and screamed loudly, and the metallic smell of blood grew stronger in the warehouse.

A year has passed since then. Several more children went missing, and then the warehouse emptied as suddenly as it was filled. The Spaghetti Men and the children they took were never seen or heard from again, and the smell of flour and baking and blood vanished with them.

Taisto noticed that mealtimes grew quieter, but never noticed why. And Susan never told him why, because Taisto never asked what had changed.

"Welcome home, dear," Susan twitters, "Are you hungry?"

Taisto just nodded.

"Good. Because I've made a nice, big lasagne!"

Somewhere far away, the Spaghetti Men laugh, and their latest 'ingredient' screams.


"Laurel! Why have you written a horror chapter in a comedy/fluff series?!"
Short answer; because I'm a tit.

Long answer; "Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids" is a children's television series that aired in the UK in the early 00's. This is based on a real episode of it.
The opening lines (names changed to fit the characters) were said by "Uncle Grizzly", a claymation character whom owned the "Squeam Screen" cinema. He would play the episode in this cinema for a claymation boy who would idly eat bugs. The episodes were 'saved' on film reels, poorly animated, and all completely narrated by Uncle Grizzly. At the end of the episode, Uncle Grizzly would summarise the moral of the episode, this one being "eat your food", for his pet spider Spindleshanks, whom he would regularly scare and abuse.
Other episodes involved children being stuffed and sold ("be nice to your toys"), having pieces of their tongues cut out ("don't be rude"), being eaten alive by a crocodile ("be nice to your nanny/babysitter") and made to go to school in only a blanket ("don't be a spoiled brat").
The episodes are available on Kiss Cartoon and YouTube, but some of them are strangely cut so Uncle Grizzly and Spindleshanks don't feature, or the end credits also features advertisements from CITV, the channel is was aired on.
I think I intended to make the chapter funny, but I don't remember how. Just have this instead.

I own nothing, not Hetalia, not Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids, not CITV.
I really want a lasagne now
-Laurel Silver