I'm glad to say that I will hopefully update more often. I'm now done writing the chapters, but it needs to be edit and my beta needs to look through it before I post it. I don't like this chapter, but I hate most of the things I write. Nothing knew there.

Beta: genderlessinsomniac

Warning: could be rough for some readers, a lot of sad feelings

Chapter six

The blonde didn't look at Sakura, the voice scared him enough. It made him clench his sheets and think again, that he wasn't in the genjutsu. He wanted answers, to everything that the other Sakura said. It nagged him, the little voice in the back of his head telling him that it could be true.

Naruto was unsure, he didn't know if she could be trusted anymore. They had spoken about it before, but he knew well enough that she could pull on a good fake smile and cover an opinion if she really wanted to.

"One question for one question? It seems more evenly." he said in a low tone. He looked out the window but he still saw a little of Sakura's reflektion. He let his eyes travel to the white wall instead.

"Alright" she said shortly in a questioning way. He didn't know if something in her face changed. He didn't want to look at her, but she seemed more interested with this deal. It was silent for a moment.

"Are you still mad at me for being Sasuke?" he blurred out quickly in the same low tone.

"I am mad, but not at you". Her voice was soft "I know Sasuke never loved me, and I was mad at him because of it. I saw the bond between you two since the beginning, but I never thought it ran deeper than friendship" she said with a light voice but Naruto could hear the pain hidden beneath it "I got a night with Sasuke, a part of me loved it without realizing that he had his attention on something else. I got pregnant with Sarada after that night and I got hopes that he would be with me more, with her in my stomach. But he didn't and for a while I still had hopes that he would come back to me and Sarada. He didn't do that and I saw that you two looked so happy with each other, that I couldn't break it." she finished in a emotional tone.

Naruto still heard the other's voice, telling him that he stole Sasuke from her. Still hated him for being a bigger part of Sasuke's life. He wasn't sure that he could trust the words, even if it didn't seem like she was lying about it. The words didn't effect him, It's Sakura-chan I'm thinking about. I consider her a close friend and I know that she does too. I know that she's mad about it, the words seems true. But why am I still considering that she is lying or faking or anything at all for that part.

"I answered your question, it's my turn. What happened in the genjutsu that made it hard to look at me?" she asked in a demanding voice meaning business. He swallowed thickly at the sentiment.

"I saw you die, your lifeless body along with a few others. If I look at you, I think I'll see you die once again" he said with a low voice.

"Naruto you can try to look at me, I won't die until I'm ready and old enough" she said with comfort in her voice.

"I can't look at you, the memories are still too fresh" he replied firmly.

"Can you at least try?" Sakura asked with a gentle voice. Naruto shock his head slightly.

"No, I'm not ready for that" he replied. "When can I get out of here?" he added in a more desperate tone.

"You can leave in an hour, but be careful" the pink haired replied in a caring tone. Naruto nodded as he let his eyes trail to his hands.

"Thank you" he said and heard Sakura stand up and go out from the room.

Naruto opened the door to his office, the piles tall as himself. He let out a sigh before walking towards the two computers on his desk. The chair was in the same position as he left it one day ago. He checked his mails, answering some of them. His eyes trailed over the screen.

He couldn't focus on the work, he was tired mentally. He couldn't read reports or any other things. His thoughts always went to the thing, what it could do and how it made him feel. It felt so real, the whole scene where they said everything. Their dead bodies near his feet, it all came as a flashback.

Dead bodies all around his feet, warm blood against his feet. The words repeating his head "I never loved you" "We don't need you here" "I always thought you were Kyuubi" "You always were the weak link in this team" it was repeated multiple times.

He couldn't read the text on the screen, his vision shaking. He felt his heart pump in high speed, cursing him to breathe faster and clench his shirt in a desperate try to do something. He began to sweat, his spine shiver.

"Kit, you can do this" a deep voice said, comforting him. Naruto were shocked who started talking to him.

"Kurama? Never thought you would be the one to support me in this" he answered while he tried to breathe slower.

"Do you see anyone else here? If you don't want my help don't take it" Kurama responded with a snort. Naruto slowly began to control his breathing, he were still shaking. Sasuke, he was sure that he would make Naruto react the same way Sakura made him. That was another problem, he couldn't see his children either way. Not Kakashi or Iruka either. This grew more difficult than he had imagen it would be. Naruto grew depressed with the thought. He shock his head gently, trying to get his attention on the high piles of paper instead of his own problems. He made clones, lots of them filling his office. Most of them ran out of the door, getting in their position in the Hokage tower or elsewhere. He had a few left in the office, and they got to work and Naruto couldn't get his mind to focus.

"Kit, you need to do something about this" Kurama's deep voice said.

"It's not that I wanted this, I didn't know that black thing was the enemy either" replied Naruto.

"You can't expect it to fix it by yourself. When you are ready enough, you need to try to look at them"

"I'm not ready yet, and I have a feeling that this won't get so easy"

Kurama didn't reply, and Naruto didn't say anything more. He took Kurama's advise, it still bothered him. He knew he only left it to another time. He wasn't strong enough right now to handle it. He was sore and he was afraid of going to his own home, knowing that when he would see both of his children he would get back all the memories. He couldn't shake the feeling of. There was a knock on the door and it brought Naruto out of his thoughts.

"Come in" he answered and straighten his spine, Shikamaru came in with another pile of papers.

"I'll leave these to you" Naruto eyed him and gave a short nod. "Boruto is staying with us, I don't think he had time to say that to you" Shikamaru added in a fatherly tone.

Boruto was going through the same thing as me. He can't see Hinata or Himawari. Was he seeing exactly the same thing though. He's only fifteen.

"Take care of him. He can be a little difficult to handle sometimes" the Hokage laid his hands on the desk, trying to look like a leader.

"Yes, Shikadai and Boruto are good friends. Boruto still seems to be in shock and won't talk about it. I'm sure you know how he feels about that" Shikamaru said.

"Yes I think I have a clue about what happened to him" he replied with a low voice. "It was the enemy that the ANBU fought. It doesn't have a gender, it's a large black thing" he added in an unpleased tone.

"It seems like we have yet another genjutsu caster. They are always hard to sort out, but try to recover before talking about it again" Shikamaru replied and turned around and began to walk in his slow speed out of the door.

Naruto was pleased that Shikamaru didn't push him for the information. It wasn't something he was comfortable with talking about. He didn't like the thought of having to talk with anyone about this.. He knew that no one was like that, but he had a title to live up to. He couldn't do it, and he knew it pressured him a lot.

The next two weeks were hard on Naruto.

He couldn't eat normally, he didn't have time and he couldn't sit at the same table as Himawari. He couldn't look at her without panicking, he tried multiply times. But the results was always the same, he began to remember and the flashbacks were too strong for him to handle. He had to go from the table, leaving Himawari shocked and Hinata following him. He'd gone days without eating any real meal, perhaps an apple Hinata made him eat. He didn't feel hungry either way, he had forgotten that he didn't eat until someone mentioned he looked skinny or pale.

He knew it was hard on Himawari, that neither him nor her brother wanted to speak to her. It was hard to face the daily basics avoiding her, she was his daughter after all. He loved her too much not to feel pain of knowing that she was hurt. He couldn't speak to her in any situation, if he saw a glint of her he began to walk the other way or avoid her at any costs. He ignored her, and left him with a bigger ball in his stomach.

Naruto could speak with Hinata, it was a relief and he had asked her to explain to Himawari why he reacted that way. His ex wife understood well and he was thankful that she didn't ask too many things about the genjusu. She already knew what happened, she didn't want to push it and Naruto didn't feel guilty for not telling her.

He couldn't sleep either, he got nightmares that held him up all night even if he could fall a sleep he kept on waking up sweaty and had hard to breathe. Hinata came to him worried many times at night when she heard him scream. She understod and always offered help of any sort. He gave a weak smile and said to his ex wife that it wasn't anything she could do. He told her with a panting voice that he needed to do this alone. He couldn't let it control him, but it begun to make it.

He was in control of the memories. He felt useless and the words that they had said had become true. He was useless, weak and he hated to feel like the little boy he once was. He felt like he couldn't let it go, the memories would hunt him forever. He had begun to think that he never would move past that. But he never let himself do it, he never gave up. Even if it was for the best.

He saw changes in his face and body. He had grown a little thiner, not by much but enough for him to notice it. He didn't have a appetite to ramen, and he knew he was in deep trauma. Those dark circles under his eyes had grown even darker. He didn't seem as tan, and he was always tired. He was a mess and it was as if someone ateall his life-force.

He spend most of the time at the office, figured that it was the best way to avoid everyone he'd seen in the genjusu. He did get some work done but he never did it. He haven't met anyone except Hinata and Shikamaru since the incident. If he saw anyone of them on the street he turned around to avoid them. Without telling anything about what he had gone through.

Naruto took a breath and heard the door open. He saw a glint of familiar black hair and turned the chair quickly, facing the village. He didn't want to meet him, it wasn't something he was proud of. But something that was needed. He hadn't met his lover in two weeks, he still felt the lust for the other. It didn't help that he was afraid and terrified to face him.

"I know that you have been hiding from me, explain" Naruto didn't need to see Sasuke to know he was upset. He took a deep breath.

"I thought Sakura-chan told you why" he said in a low tone. The memories of Sasuke in that world began to force him to remember.

"She said that you saw a few people die infront of you. I was one of them, wasn't I?" Sasuke asked in a harsh tone.

"I can't look at you without thinking of your dead body, it's hard to see you" he explained slowly, admitting.

"You got to face your fear, instead of just running away from it. You only make it worse for yourself" Naruto knew it all along, but by hearing if from Sasuke "But knowing you, it seems like it's more that lies underneath" Naruto's eyes grew wide and he blamed Sasuke for knowing him too well. It was silent for a moment after the words that had been said.

"I know I need to see you sometimes, and I do want to see everyone. I tried to look at Himawari and I freaked out. The flashes coming back of her lifeless body. But with the words she said too" he admitted with a breath in the end.

"There wasn't only she that told you things. What did I say to you?" Sasuke asked in a demanding voice. Naruto open his mouth but no words came out, he clenched his black pants.

"You told me you didn't love me" he said in a low voice. It came out weak much like how he felt about himself.

"You believed the words" Sasuke stated and Naruto could hear the disappointment his voice.

"I know it was the enemy's plan but I couldn't help but re-thinking it", he replied in defeat.

"If you know that it was the enemy's plan, why did you believe it? You have gotten soft Naruto, I never thought something like this would bring you down" the raven replied with a strong and harsh voice.

"You can't blame me of thinking about it, it seemed real, like something you could have told me" Naruto answered with a stronger voice even if it cracked slightly.

"You should know me better than that. I wouldn't have been with you for eight years without any feelings. I could tell you right away that I didn't want you if I didn't. But I didn't and I thought that it was enough for you" Sasuke replied and the blonde heard foot steps close to him. "You shouldn't think too much, it only brings you bad luck" Naruto felt his heart beat faster when the chair turned and Sauske brought their lips together in a kiss.

Naruto closed his eyes at the contact, it felt wonderful sweet but he was afraid to open his eyes. Sasuke's hand was on his neck and brought his chin slightly more up so their lips could get more contact. He missed this like crazy, he craved more. He trailed his tongue over the other's lips and Sasuke open his mouth. Their slik muscles moving on top of each other, playing with each other. Sasuke broke the kiss and the blonde didn't dare to open his eyes.

"I thought it was pretty clear that I loved you" Naruto felt a small smile, Sasuke never told him that he loved Naruto on regular basics. In the eight years they had been together he only said it a few times, which only made it more special when he did say those three words.

"I think I understand now" Naruto said quietly with a more light voice. He was sure he had been living dead for these past two weeks. But Sasuke changed it in matter of a few minutes.

"It can take time, but try to open your eyes. Close them when you think it gets too hard" Sasuke explained and Naruto felt safe for once.

Naruto begun to open his eyes slowly, the fear kept coming but he had to face this. The classic black cloak was the first thing he saw, and he begun to see red blood stains on it. It's not real, don't let it scare you he saw the blood stains fade slightly and he begun to trail over Sasuke's body. The blood was still noticeable, but he didn't pay it in as much in mind. He saw Sasuke's face and he felt his breathing coming out of control.

Sasuke brought their lips together, and he felt pleased. The warmth brought him into his senses and he felt warm in his chest. He reached out his hand and trailed his hand over Sasuke's chest, feeling the heart pumping. He isn't dead and he didn't tell me lies. It's only a matter of time till i can begin to recover for real. The black haired broke the kiss and Naruto wasn't happy with losing the contact.

"You look like shit" his lover said and Naruto opened his eyes. The blood was there, it was still hard to look at.

"It's not my fault, but I'll try to get better" he responded to his lover.

"You better, you aren't yourself looking like this. You should start getting more sleep" the other voiced his concern.

"I think I can start getting some. But I won't be alright in just one night" Naruto replied with a small smile. He wouldn't be alright in a while, he knew it and he would still have nightmares. Take steps and I will be alright. Hopefully.