Not much to say. Thank you all for those who follow and favorite this.
Warnings: men crying, emotional chapter, flashbacks
Chapter nine
Naruto woke up on Sasuke's chest, his face in a pale neck. Breathing in the smell of his lover, he lazy opened his eyes. Looking at the pale neck a small hickey was seen, and he smiled slightly at the memories of the pass night. He closed his eyes, and leaned in closer. The other's warmth gave him life, he didn't want to leave this place. He wanted to lay in the bed forever. Be with Sasuke forever along with the other important people in his life.
He wanted Sasuke here, he made him feel alive. Even if it was for a short while, he wanted it to last forever. Forever was a long time, but Naruto wanted to make sure that this relation would last till he died. Sasuke made it better, even if he was a bastard most of the time. Sasuke made him remember who he used to be. That optimistic, happy, never giving up, the grinning idiot that wanted attention. The memories were just memories, you can't bring the past to the present.
Naruto leaned in more, feeling a little sad thinking of it. One more reason that he never thought about the past, it gave him trouble with himself. He knew that it made him who he was, he knew it well. It just felt hard, thinking of it. That he couldn't be himself if the memories wasn't there. But if the memories wasn't there, he wouldn't meet the ones that made his life much easier.
A thing that he realized while laying with his lover, he didn't have many nightmares that night. He was pleased by it. He needed to tell Sasuke that, he needed to sleep in the same bed as his lover. He needed the sleep, and it could be a being to recover from the trauma. Something clenched inside him, Boruto probably had the nightmares as well. His son. He haven't recovered yet, he haven't met any in the family for the past two weeks.
Boruto was far behind him, alone. Naruto had Hinata and Sasuke right now. But Boruto was still afraid from the nightmares and the genjutsu. His son was still in his own thoughts, probably didn't leave the room. Not wanting to see anyone from the genjutsu. This made Naruto feel bad, that all he could care of was himself. That he haven't done anything for Boruto for the past two weeks. Just leaving him alone. Naruto was too busy with himself.
He felt a tear run from his eye, a single tear ran over his cheek. He didn't care if fell on Sasuke, it wasn't on his mind. He never had been a good father, he didn't have time for his children. Nor any of his family. His family, the one thing that he had dreams about since he was a child. That he had a family that he could come home too. He saw a picture of his family, Sasuke, along with his children as well as his sensei's and few others. They were smiling at him, but it broke in front of him. He couldn't keep it together. He let out a sob. He tried to hold it in, not wanting to wake up his sleeping beauty.
But he felt an arm around him, without speaking Sasuke tighten his grip. Naruto trying to hold it back in. It helped a little, but he let out a few more tears. Letting them fall out randomly, but tried to hold back the sobs. He felt weak, that he couldn't hold them back. He didn't like people see him cry, he did hide it for the most part of his childhood. Iruka had seen him crying, and he felt weak because of it. He felt worse now, he was an adult. He shouldn't cry, wasn't he supposed to be one of the strongest in the goddamn world? Yet here he was, crying in his lover's chest like a baby.
Naruto shock his head lightly into the pale chest, as he tried to stop the tears. Stop crying, you are the Hokage. You shouldn't cry, you should be strong enough to hold them back. He stopped crying, even if he had a lot more inside himself. He still stopped but he held his lover as tight. Afraid that he would go away soon. Naruto wanted him here, never going away. Wanting Sasuke to be the first thing he saw in the morning, knowing that he would be home sooner or later. Please don't, leave me. You are the only thing I can hold into. Don't go away.
"Sorry" he muttered out, loosing his hold and sat up in the soft bed looking at the bed head Sasuke had. "I didn't mean to wake you up" he added in a calm voice. But his cheeks were still wet from the tears.
"It's fine" his lover muttered out. Naruto looked at Sasuke, the sheet reveling the pale smooth skin. The mark on his neck made the slightly animal inside of him groan. He would never grow tired of it.
"What are you doing today?" Naruto asked, trying to forget that he was crying like a child a minute ago. He stretched his arms above his head, and Sasuke's eyes followed.
"Being with you, also I'm bringing you to Sakura" Naruto's eyes widen before he frowned his eyebrows.
"I have things to do at work. I can't just leave for a day" he muttered "I don't need to go to Sakura. I'm fine with my body"
"I can soon see your ribs, this isn't healthy. What happened?" Sasuke said and sat up in the bed.
"I just haven't felt like eating, I can't sit in the same table as Himawari, so I didn't eat. I couldn't eat while in the office, because I'm always behind work." he said explained simply.
"You ate yesterday, and I was with you. If that was it takes for you to eat, I will be there in every meal" Naruto did feel flattered that Sasuke cared. But it kind of scared him a little.
"Fine, but don't make me go to Sakura" he could feel her punch already.
"You should, if you are afraid I'll go with you. It makes you feel better" it didn't feel better. Worse to be right. He could do it alone.
"I won't go there, just let it be. I have to go to work now" Naruto replied and walked out of the bed. He realized that he was naked, he never looked at himself when he was naked. He did see some of his ribs, but he let it pass. He pulled his boxers on, and pants.
"I will go with you. You always say that I'm the second Hokage" Naruto heard the bed shift and he turned around to see all the pale skin in front of him again. He couldn't help but stare, trailing his eyes over the chest and lower. He turned his head around fast.
"Sure, I could need the help" he answered fast and pulls on the rest of the clothes.
Naruto sat on the chair, Sasuke stood up reading reports beside him. It felt slightly easier with Sasuke beside him, it was a little bit more fun too. It was a bit distraction with Sasuke there, Naruto looked at him every ten minutes to see if he were still there. It happened that he stared at the beauty sometimes too, without thinking of it. But the four hours they was there, they had done as much as Naruto could do in a day.
He got bored fast, his mind traveling elsewhere every fifth minute. Even the times he tried to get himself to focus, there was always something that kept him from reading. He felt guilt build up in his chest, he haven't met Boruto for two weeks. It haven't left is mind. But it hurt thinking of it, the picture of him being killed in front of him kept coming. He tried to remain the same, but his heart kept speeding up and his hands got quickly sweaty with the thought.
Naruto did feel better with Sasuke near him, he clenched the paper at the thoughts. He felt strong for once, something that he been day dreaming about. Alive. Just by the goddamn bastard. He was angry that Sasuke was the one that made him feel like this. Not himself. But he had to deal with it, and as long as he knew he was fine with it. He was afraid because of it. He needed to be happy without Sasuke being near him.
A knock on the door made Naruto wake up from his thoughts. But the pink headed woman didn't make him happy. It came as a flashback, in one go he saw the six get killed. It was repellent, and the blood got more and more each time. The scream in his ears, the powerless feelings got larger and larger. The words all of them had said was said all in the same time. Stop it, this is only a genjutsu. This isn't real. STOP IT. PLEASE. … Stop…. I can't take this anymore
"Naruto, look at me" he opened his heavy eyes. Unfocused, he saw dark hair and pale face. Along with pink hair and green eyes. Everything was unfocused.
"His eyes is unfocused, his heart beat is above a normal heart rate. We need him to calm down" he heard a voice and he closes his eyes.
"Don't close your eyes!" someone said loudly.
"Naruto don't close your eyes. Open your eyes, come on" someone else said loud.
"Come on. Open your eyes. We need you here" the same voice said. But Naruto's eyes seemed so heavy, and he slowly closed them. He felt fingers stretch them he panicked and his chair moved backwards.
" What?! Sakura-chan can you just please leave me alone?!" he said loud at the pink headed.
"I've heard that you have grown thin, I need you in the hospital. Right now." she said and Naruto never made eye contact with her. He wasn't looking at either of them.
"I won't go, accept it" he said short, not wanting to make a conversation.
"I can see that you've lost weight Naruto. Just let me check it as well as everything else. Stop being so stubborn" Sakura said as if annoyed. Naruto was sure she was rolling her eyes, but he wouldn't look at her.
"How did you get him to look at you?" Naruto was sure that Sakura asked Sasuke.
"I kissed him" Sasuke answered. Naruto remembered it, it did make him feel safer. It was hard to look at him sometimes.
"Naruto, you need to get healthier. You are the Hokage, we can't have you dying in this early age. Stop being like this" she said. Naruto wanted to huff at it, but didn't. His eyes were far gone.
"Get him to the hospital soon. Or get him to eat, I have things to do. I can't stand here all day" Sakura said to Sasuke in a light voice "Naruto, I hope you get well soon. I won't be begging anymore, but get a grip. You make it harder on yourself as well as everyone who's around you" she added in a low voice. Naruto heard her walk and leave out of the door.
It was silent for a moment. Naruto was sure that he wouldn't be checking his weight, he will try to get food in him. He knew he had to get healthy, if he wanted to die of age. He knew that if he ate with Sasuke, he could at least get food in him. He needed this, he can't stop living. He needed to live for his family, the village and his legacy. He loved living, just haven't done it right in a few years. He still had a little motivation. But he felt a lot better now then before.
"It's time for lunch, come. We will eat out today, my treat" his lover broke the silence. Blue eyes looked up, blood on his lover's clothes. He turned his head, he was indeed hungry.
"Sure, I'm hungry" he replied and rose up from the chair. They walked out together and Naruto wanted to hold Sasuke's hand
Naruto and Sasuke walked towards Naruto's home, it was around six. They had done most of the work and the blond was satisfied. He never thought it would be this easy with some extra help. Mostly it was a distracting with the beauty around him, Sasuke did the most work if he would be honest with himself.
They got near the house and Naruto grew a ball in his stomach, and stopped quickly.
"What now?" Sasuke asked and turns around to meet worried blue eyes.
"I don't want to sleep alone, I don't want the nightmares again" he said in a low voice.
"I'll sleep with you then if that's the problem" Sasuke calmly said.
"I can't leave Himawari, I haven't been with her in forever. I can look at her, if I get used to it I can spend more time with her" he replied with his fatherly voice.
"Who says we need to leave the house? We can sleep in the same bed" Sasuke said simply. "It's the only way"
"What about Hinata? I can't just kick her out" he said with a frown.
"If she wants what's the best for you. She will let me come with you" Sasuke answered firmly, he took a step closer. Making Sasuke the main part of Naruto's view.
"Okay, but let's ask her first" he leaned up, meeting his lover in a kiss. It was a soft one that didn't last long. Naruto broke the kiss and Sasuke turned and they walked the few feet that was left.
"Kit, there someone near. You are an easy target if you keep thinking" Kurama's deep voice said. Breaking Naruto from his thoughts.
"Where? I don't feel anything" he replied and he began to look around, trying to do it obvious. He saw something run. With bright blond hair Naruto felt it strike his heart. Boruto.
"That's Boruto. Stay here Sasuke" he said in a strict voice.
He began to run, without realizing. His son was here, only a few feet away from him, had Boruto been masking his chakra that well that neither of him or Sasuke notice him? He's gotten good. He felt himself getting closer, Brouto turned into an ally. Naruto followed him in a sharp turn, grabbing the hoodie. He pulled his son back. Relived to see him for the first time in two weeks, he grabbed him in a hug.
It was dark, and he felt his son hug him back. He was worried, after everything Shikamaru had told him Boruto had a hard time like himself for the pass two weeks. If anyone could understand Naruto, Boruto was the one who did. He held him, never wanting to let him go. Never wanting his son to go through this ever again. Boruto was still a teen, still Naruto's little boy no matter how old he would grow. But he never wanted Boruto to hurt ever again.
The feeling with having his son in his arms, was something he couldn't compare to. He thought he had lost him. Something he thought of time after time. His son was safe for once. Had a rough time, but alive and safe. That's enough for now. Boruto was in his arms, right where he should be. Just like he had when he got hurt and came crying, even if Boruto often had chosen Hinata for the most of the time. Naruto held him a few times, whipping away the tears away from blue eyes and whiskered cheeks.
"I was so worried" he whispered. His thoughts in speak. "You didn't want to see us because of the memories right? The nightmares still hunting you. You can't eat either" he stated the facts.
"How do you know?" he heard his son whisper in his chest, Naruto gave a small knowing smile.
"Been through the same thing. I was afraid that Sasuke would beat me when he saw how thin I've become. But we can't hide forever, we have a life to live" he said in his sons blond hair.
"I don't know how to live when all I see is blood on their clothes" his son whispered in his chest.
"I wasn't sure either, but I can't think of it. There will be rough and I don't say it's not hard. I'm saying that it's worth it. You can't hide forever, you need to face the fear" He replied slowly. "I and everyone else will be standing by your side. You are never alone. It was a genjutsu, the words wasn't true" he added.
"Didn't you believe them?" Boruto whispered.
"Yes, but I always knew that it was only a genjutsu" he replied "Hinata and Himawari is worried about you" he added.
"I never wanted that. I knew they would be worried about me. I just couldn't stand watching them. It became painful, I couldn't stand it" His son answered angry.
"If you don't try to look at them, you will never be able to look at them. Who was in your genjutsu?" Naruto asked, half afraid that he wasn't in it.
"You, mom, Himawari. Sensei, Sadara" his son whispered. Naruto was pleased by it but still felt it strike his heart.
"You need to try to look. You already begun to watch me anyone. It's the beginning of recovery. You need to control the pain and flashbacks" I need to do it too. He mentality added.
"Okay" his son whispered. Naruto let go of his son, backing a step away. Meeting blue worried eyes, in the dark he couldn't see much.
"Come out in the light, we need to meet each day. Well anyone of them you've seen in the genjusu" Naruto saw Boruto narrow his eyes.
"Alright" Boruto replied in a low voice. "I think I need to get to Shikamaru, he will get worried" he added.
"Boruto, I mean it. I never let go of my promises. I will get you around two pm, and I will try to help you" he said and Boruto didn't meet his eyes. He began to walk and Naruto didn't hear any reply. They walked separate ways and Naruto saw his lover walk towards him. His heart began to speed up, but tried to control it. They meet half ways, and neither gave any smiles. The blond began to walk and Sasuke followed in silent.
"I will help him recover, but I think if only I help him he will never give up the fear of being near you, Sarada, Hinata or Himawari. But I can try at first, but I could use some help in future days" the blond broke the silent.
"Contact me when you need me, in further days I will be at your side" Sasuke replied and Naruto wanted to smile at the concern voice of his lover.
"Sasuke, you don't need to be my babysitter" he says in an irritated voice.
"You seem to need it, and I could help you a bit with the papers" his lover said in an irritated voice. Naruto saw his house in a few feet away, right they were going to sleep in the same house as Himawari and Hinata.
